The "LONELINESS EPIDEMIC" In Modern Women | "MEN AREN"T DATING" Anymore | Women Hitting The Wall

Added: 2026-06-04

[00:00:00]I'm turning 30 this year and I am single. Still single. Never had a boyfriend.

[00:00:03]>> Men will never have to experience loneliness the same way that women do, especially not when it comes to dating.

[00:00:07]>> So, I would say at this point, I'm on the verge of crashing the bugout. I'm just finding it so hard to date in the Bay Area.

[00:00:13]>> Dating in general is hard and after 30, uh, your life choices are becoming in more into focus. And >> modern women have worked so hard for equality. And over the years, they've gotten to a place of loneliness because of it. Nothing's wrong with wanting independence, but when it's your personality, you end up alone.

[00:00:34]>> You guys need to understand that being liked by a bunch of women isn't really a flex. But being liked or loved by a woman who hates all men, that is something to brag about because you really done something there.

[00:00:50]>> And like, I'm in the season of life where I don't really have friends.

[00:00:55]>> I'm just so [ __ ] lonely.

[00:00:58]I don't think I ever expected being in a situation where I am actively trying to make connections. If you can't tell by now, I have a very quiet life. Um, I can count the number of friends I have on a singular hand. I spend most of my weekends in my room alone. I eat a lot alone. When I when I go get food, I I also sit in my car and eat alone. Um, and I'm Hey guys. So, I just wanted to come on here and talk about loneliness, right? Um, I personally struggle a lot with being alone and spending a lot of time >> Hi, I'm Chelsea. I live alone in Austin, Texas. I'm 26 years old and I feel lonely a lot.

[00:01:38]>> There is an epidemic of lonely women out there. Indeed, many are single and some have very few friends or even none at all. They have no love life whatsoever.

[00:01:49]This is the modern reality for many women who call themselves strong. Behind closed doors, many are grieving. They carry the weight of the world on their shoulders, presenting a flawless, independent exterior to colleagues, family, and social media while navigating an empty home when the day is done. You would think that with all of this independence and abundance of choices, modern women would be happier than ever before. But the reality is that many simply are not. In short, what many of these women are truly craving is deep authentic intimacy. And it is devastatingly lacking in their lives.

[00:02:29]For some of them, their dating lives are entirely non-existent.

[00:02:34]It isn't just a matter of having bad dates or recent breakups. For many, the romantic landscape has dried up completely. women who are single who are like, you know, I really don't care about like how much he makes or what he looks like. I just want a good guy. And it's like, but then you see what's going on and like all these dating apps are about looks and they're swiping for the most ridiculous [ __ ] >> So it's like, >> what do you really want? Like where are the [ __ ] priorities right now? Do you actually care about his personality?

[00:03:01]>> So then you should be swiping right on so many people if you actually just care about his personality so that you can actually talk to them, find out if he's good match or not.

[00:03:09]>> Other than that, it's like what are we doing? So, I want a man that is so obsessed with me. Like, completely, utterly obsessed. Wants to text me all the time and double textes me if he doesn't hear back. But then when that actually happens, I'm like, "Ew, why are you so obsessed with me? Like, get away from me.

[00:03:23]>> You need help."

[00:03:25]>> I'm 44, widowed in August last year, two friends at the most, and I'm [ __ ] lonely. And over the weekend, I was at an all-time low with both my grief and my loneliness, and decided to record myself.

[00:03:40]And the response I've had to that video has been hugely overwhelming, both positively and negatively. And something that struck me was, "I'm not alone.

[00:03:54]I'm not actually alone.

[00:03:56]There are so many of you feeling exactly the same, struggling to make friendships, not knowing how to put yourself out there." In a sense, she's not wrong because there are tons of women out there just like her who are lonely and struggling to put themselves out there.

[00:04:15]This loneliness that many women are feeling is really taking effect because of personal choices where the very decisions made to protect their peace and stay independent have accidentally walled them off from everyone else by constantly choosing to play it safe, focus on work, and keep their guard way up to avoid getting hurt again. A lot of women have built lives that are super secure but completely empty. that choice to carry around the I don't need anyone vibe ends up shrinking their world over time until the idea of actually breaking out of that comfort zone feels way too exhausting to even try. It really shows how much of a double-edged sword all this independence can be. Sure, it feels good to have high standards and say no to guys who aren't worth the time. But the flip side of those choices is a lot of lonely nights. When you repeatedly choose to stay home in your own controlled bubble instead of risking the messy, unpredictable world of dating, those walls just keep getting thicker.

[00:05:25]>> I know I'm in a really [ __ ] lonely.

[00:05:27]I'm a spicy content creator.

[00:05:28]>> H this ought to be interesting at least.

[00:05:32]And my most requested spicy audio recently has been love. These men are messaging me like, "Can you tell me? Can you say my name and tell me you love me and miss me?"

[00:05:42]>> So what? In their expert opinion, that being of a female spicy content creator, does that actually mean >> you guys you guys did this to yourself.

[00:05:54]No one likes you and no one misses you either. Um to the point where you have to pay people to say it to you, >> right? See, what they're failing to take into account is that they don't deal with the majority of men. The majority of men that are reasonable and mentally healthy because those men would never lower themselves to actually having to pay a woman for any kind of services, especially not having someone pretend to care about them. Because contrary to what some women might think, men would rather be lonely than actually have to lower themselves to paying for false affection.

[00:06:31]>> So, I would say at this point, I'm on the verge of crashing the [ __ ] out. I'm just finding it so hard to date in the Bay Area. I work remote 4 days a week, which doesn't really help, but I do work in San Francisco once a week, but like I just And I've also lived here for a long time. time. I've lived here for 10 years and I just can't even find someone that I'm interested in going on a date with.

[00:06:53]Like, I'm not even getting to like the first date stage. Like, I I know that I'm picky and I know that I have, you know, some things that need to be there, but like it should not be this hard. I feel like everyone else is finding a man. So, now I'm just like, okay, so am I am I the problem? Like for the love of God, somebody tell me that I'm not alone in this. Like I have my head on straight. I'm settled. I have a great job. My life is stable. I'm mentally stable. Like come on.

[00:07:30]And you might be wondering like, why do I need a man? Okay, I don't need one. I would like one. My hair my flyaways are killing my video right now. Uh because I do believe that life is more enjoyable if you have the right partner next to you. I'm done. Last thing I'm going to add is I also want to have more kids.

[00:07:55]So I'm going to have to find one eventually.

[00:07:59]>> Many women struggle like this to find a man simply because they are very picky.

[00:08:05]This woman here stated that she doesn't need a man. A lot of times when they carry that kind of energy around where I don't need a man but want a man, it creates a complicated barrier to actual connection. By the way, this is a single mother who is struggling to date. And you can already imagine how hard dating is for her. But this I don't need a man statement sets up a paradox where a woman is looking for a partner while simultaneously signaling that her life is already entirely complete without him. This hyperindependent energy can easily be misread by men as emotional unavailability or a lack of genuine desire for partnership making them feel as though any effort to pursue her would be unwelcome or unnecessary. When a woman operates from this mindset, it often means her standards have become so rigidly defined that almost no real person can meet them. Because she has built a stable life on her own, she expects a man to seamlessly fit into her world without causing a single ripple of discomfort or compromise.

[00:09:13]>> Hot take. But once you actually make your own money, you realize that the only reason that you crave a man was because you were in survival mode and you wanted somebody to help you buy your food or buy your life or do activities that you couldn't do yourself. And then once you actually have money, you could pay people to do those same things. And you realize the only thing that a man causes is stress and dirt and beard trimmings in the sink. And I need somebody to tell me like if you actually are a woman with a brain and emotional intelligence and you crave deep connection, but you also were successful and have your own money, like how did you find your man and where? because I've looked everywhere and I don't even know what I'm looking for anymore. I think I'm looking for a third cat.

[00:09:48]>> I have a question for the girlies. When you go on dates with men, for the single girlies, do you find it difficult to show empathy for them when they're like sharing like a tragic thing that they've experienced? I am finding it very difficult to show empathy for them. And I feel it's because I have watched the women in my life go through so much [ __ ] Like I'm talking [ __ ] that would make you want to walk in front of moving traffic. Just because you know women who have gone through a lot does not mean it invalidates the experiences of these men that you're talking to. And when I was single, no, I did not have any issue feeling empathy for these men. And the fact that these men are bringing it up just goes to show it was probably a lot worse than maybe the details imply. I don't know why it's so normalized to admit, oh, I don't have empathy for an entire gender because other people have had worse. It's not a competition.

[00:10:37]Sometimes people could have something less bad happen to them, but it affects them more because we're all different and that doesn't mean their experience is less valid or we should be making fun of them. If you're going on dates with men you're genuinely interested in, which I I would hope you are, again, there should be some empathy there. If he tells you, you know, this horrible thing happened to me. These types of women are exactly why a large number of men do not share their feelings with women because they lack empathy and the ability to understand. Her excuse is that because she knows women who go through so much, she sees men's emotions as something to just brush over. This kind of attitude creates a massive divide. Because when a man finally decides to drop his guard and be vulnerable, the last thing he expects is to have his problems minimized or compared to what women are dealing with.

[00:11:32]It makes men feel like their emotional struggles don't matter or that they aren't allowed to have a bad day just because someone else might have it worse. When a woman uses the struggles of other women as a reason to dismiss a man's feelings, it completely shuts down any chance of real connection. It breeds resentment because a relationship is supposed to be a two-way street where both people get to feel heard and supported.

[00:12:02]>> I was opening mail and my my 5-year-old came up to me and she goes, "What are you doing?" And I'm like, "I'm looking at bills." And she goes, "What do you have bills for?" And I explained bills to her and she goes, "The girly shouldn't have bills."

[00:12:15]And I had to put my bills down and sit down. That little is right. Why do I have bills? I'm just a girl. If you want to teach your daughter that the girlies don't pay the bills and the girlies shouldn't have to pay the bills, I have no problem with that. But then you also have to teach your daughter to be feminine, to not follow a boss babe path, to prioritize when she is young and beautiful and at her prime, to prioritize finding that husband and that family. There's a lot that goes with that to ensure that then the girlies don't pay the bills.

[00:12:42]>> If you're a woman, riddle me this. Have you ever met a single good man in your entire life? Because I just recently saw a video of a woman how and how she was reflecting on the fact that she's never met a good man. And it made me reflect on how I have literally never met a good man in my entire life. have never met a man who was braver than me, smarter than me, kinder than me, who wasn't selfish, who wasn't a cheater, who wasn't dishonest, as who wasn't a predator, who didn't tolerate other predators, who didn't say sexist jokes, who wasn't someone who like stood up for people.

[00:13:17]Like, I've literally never met a good man before.

[00:13:22]Not once. I couldn't name you one. And for those who comment, it's got to be someone you actually know. Not someone you just met, not a celebrity, someone you know.

[00:13:36]And I I don't know any women that have met good men. Actually, maybe the ones that are married, but even then, the longer I talk to them, the more miserable that they seem. Even like I can say like oh all the good men are taken but then a lot of these women that are married are stuck with bums and losers and doing all the work and it's just like what is the point? What is the point of being with a man? Like I don't God the deal sucks. The deal really sucks. like I could do myself way better and I'm going to finish every single time and it's going to be satisfying and it's going to be awesome without risking diseases, without risking getting my heart played with, my mind played with and it's just like it's literally not worth it. It's not worth the therapy.

[00:14:28]It's not worth it's not worth it. And so I think I'm just going to go back to my 19-year-old self and just have my little phase and just have fun cuz like all of these players have have the lover girls kind of done.

[00:14:48]That's how I'm feeling. I'm just done.

[00:14:51]So I'm just going to enjoy myself because I know how to have a good time no matter what I do. No matter who I'm with, I know I'm a cash and a half and a million in a,200 billion. Like, I am such an amazing person and an amazing lover.

[00:15:08]I cannot be giving myself away for free.

[00:15:10]Like, what what are we doing here?

[00:15:12]>> It sounds like she should be reflecting on her choices and decisions. For her to say, I have never met a good man in my life. and then follow up saying she has never met a man smarter than her, braver than her, or kinder shows a serious blind spot. When someone claims that an entire gender lacks basic decency, intelligence, or courage, it says a lot more about their own worldview and the walls they've built than it does about reality. Operating with that kind of absolute certainty makes it impossible to ever see a good man, even if he is standing right in front of her, because she has already written every single one of them off before giving them a chance.

[00:16:00]This kind of extreme mindset usually comes from a place of deep bitterness or using past bad experiences to paint everyone with the same brush. By convincing herself that no man can match her intellect, bravery, or kindness, she creates a perfect excuse to never lower her guard or risk being vulnerable again. It's a bulletproof defense mechanism. If no man is good enough, then she never has to face the scary prospect of letting someone close enough to actually hurt her.