How Is Shaun Attwood and Lionel Nation and Ron Swanson’s “Slave Contracts”? @shaunattwoodOFFICIAL

追加: 2026-05-19

[00:00:00]Have it on YouTube a [ __ ] well. I'm a dude that works on the Shawn Atwood channel. I have humiliated myself in the name of the truth when stupid little [ __ ] thirst queen [ __ ] came out with whatever they were [ __ ] spewing.

[00:00:11]But yeah, it's cult stuff, sorry, the cult stuff. My apologies. And I started to notice this closed group go off. And um yeah, so I get a message from her and she goes, "Look, uh cuz she lives uh within approximately me, she's like, "Look, I don't want to say things over the internet. Um like if and when we meet, I need to to show you this information that that there's stuff going on behind the scenes, that survivors are being suppressed, um that people are being collected.

[00:00:42]>> That is normal grown-up. We're not perfect. We are not We're not here for that. So, look at this. Okay, yes. The Peter Wikileaks that we're [ __ ] talking about. You mentioned your kinks to me.

[00:00:54]I mentioned my former ones. You showed me parts of a contract and told me that I would be too scared if you showed me the full one as I had just mentioned to you that I would never ever stick a fist up my ass. Your contract wasn't a kink.

[00:01:07]Your contract was a parenthood and I and I want you to understand what I mean. Your contract was full of demands that only a strict parent would place.

[00:01:15]Your contract asked that you'd be told my fears. Your contract asked that I write and call every night, that I give you a rundown of my day, that I don't do or go anywhere without your permissions.

[00:01:27]Your contract demanded punishments if I did not oblige. What about your symbol?

[00:01:31]The symbol of empowerment that I later learned you described it as a way to brand your slaves. My name is Cree child. Um I'm also known as Meg. Um I currently work as a creative director and producer in photography. Um I work online. I work for myself. I am also a proud sex worker. Um because that's one of the things I think um Nora goes for and I will not be using his name full to send in um a written story about me and um my like knowledge of unsolicited dick pics, which is what I did. Um looking back at it now, I realized that he had information on me before he even met me slash before I knew she had met me, which kind of trips me out. Um but while we were talking about that, uh obviously as a creative director, um I was super interested uh in helping him do some other projects, just being kind of creative, um and we had just kind of talked about that in passing. Uh cuz I was telling him about some other projects I was working on at the time personally, and we decided that um I was going to create this like torture red room footage. Um basically, I was going to create like a one-for-one red room experience from start to finish, including my death.

[00:02:54]Red room realities and examples. Red rooms for me have always been uh one of two things, nonsense, uh marketing tools, a great ways for you to get hype on the internet, um all of that jazz.

[00:03:06]I've done documentaries on this. In fact, I've got two. I've got two documentaries on this. And up until this year, they were completely and utterly spot on to the topic. But when you wake up one day and there's two 17-year-olds in Italy who have been arrested for witnessing a child being murdered for profit on the internet, that was real. We're here. We're in the era where this is real. Now, the website that they were showing screenshots of through the maybe [ __ ] two news reports of this case on the internet, I actually had subscribers in Italy go and get local papers, go through all of the local news, send me pictures. Oh, they were covering it in Italy. Oh, yeah, they were there. This real. Um but see see all of that and then see that it was 17-year-olds, I seen the screenshots. I know the website. I've been on it multiple times. Multiple multiple times.

[00:03:44]Tell you what, there's one way to know if it's real. Yeah, just sign up to it.

[00:03:47]That's the only way you're going to know. I even put that to my viewers. I was like, "Look, the two red rooms here, one of them is 120 quid, one of them is like 240 quid. Should we just open the door and see what's there? Because I knew at that point I was like, this is nothing. There's nothing. They're just going to take the money and there will be nothing. I was going to create this like torture red room footage of me just being tortured in different ways and we were going to take that footage and use it as like a social experiment to like we were going to make it kind of like a secret if no like nobody knew it was real kind of deal. He controlled every aspect of my life including basically when I went out, what I did, who I spoke to in the community and everything. Yeah, the sex cult info I have the exact date of when he sent me the file. I was the first person to get the document.

[00:04:33]A lot of the tasks in the document were tasks that he had already written out for me. I'm not sure if he had sent it to the other women at that time but at that time there were two other women also involved but they didn't receive the document until afterwards. Their grooming process was already in motion though. for a while. I will say that. So I'm not really sure what like I'm not really sure whether or not he had this particular plan but I think it just happened that he he manipulated three people at the perfect moment to put this together to be honest. I didn't help him make it at all. I see your little questions on the side. I didn't help him make it.

[00:05:08]He asked me to look over it and edit it and see if there was anything that I wanted to take out or do anything about but that document soon came offline not too long after. I didn't know why.

[00:05:20]Luckily I had already screen shot some of it and at that time I was already creating my own notes folder because one of our tasks was to have like a separate notes folder with all of our like tasks and our answers and stuff in it. So I had already created something separate like that but at some point it went offline and I found out it was because another member who he was trying to get to sign the contract basically told him no this is a sex cult and he freaked out and yeah. So he took that away quite quickly. [clears throat] I was hoping to God that he was not going to um I I like hoped he wasn't going to send it to anyone else, but then uh when I when I got onto the server when I was invited to the server uh and I saw the like second cop like second version, I actually started crying. And I'm like, "Okay, this is this is getting bizarre." Like she started um I took a screenshot and then I I went to Ron. And this is the second time I went to him. Uh the first time being when Harley approached me about the the stuff and then him replying with hey, "She's trying to slander me. Go after her."

[00:06:16]Um he goes, "Well, look, man, I'm in an open relationship. It's none of anybody's [ __ ] business. Like uh I'm doing this this stuff this kink stuff. It's my business. It's no one else's and uh everybody needs to to [ __ ] back off." Um but yeah, uh I knew nothing about a movie. It was never going to be a movie. I don't know nothing about a movie.

[00:06:37]Um to be completely honest with you, I found out after I left the community that it was actually given to somebody as a gift um and uh like a as a story, I'm not paying enough attention to you gift. Um and then I later found out that I myself was kind of a gift. And she goes, "Look, uh cuz she lives uh within a proximity of me, she's like, "Look, I don't want to say things over the internet.

[00:06:59]Um like if and when we meet, I need to to show you this information that that there's stuff going on behind the scenes, that survivors are being suppressed, um that people are being collected." And I'm like, "Okay, this is this is getting bizarre." Like she started um I took a screenshot and then I I went to Ron. And this is the second time I went Like just knowing that that stuff was going on in the background, you just don't want to be there. And I think in December when um his misses found out that he was doing stuff behind the scenes, that he was sleeping around with Harley, that he had this kind of like online kind of like communication with females, um I think that sealed the deal for me um because she turned around and she said, "Oh, well, all these people know about it and they're laughing and they're they're they're laughing at me and laughing that pretty much I'm a fool." And I'm like, "Nope, not here for it. Nope, I didn't even know about that.

[00:07:55]Like I I thought this was what he has played this little fiddle of Oh, this is like a private thing with me and the missus and this kink stuff." And as soon as I heard that, I was out. Like it's it's not something I participate in. I don't want that kind of drama. And I think it emotionally killed me just because I'm like I'm giving up on a job opportunity. I'm giving up on like a community I've built really good relationships with in regards to friendships. And like I thought everything was good and gravy. And even after leaving like there were people who were I think he drew a lot of manipulative people to his community. Like I even had some people make accusations about me where I've I've had to to have Twinkie even be a part of that um to to clear my name because I had a woman accusing me of harassment and like I almost had to call the the state police in the US of this woman's state to to contact her in regards to the allegations because I had screenshots of of her talking to me explicitly and she was a survivor in the community and it's not something I wanted to be a part of and and I told her this I'm like, "Look, I'm in I'm in a relationship. I don't want any part of this." Like and she sent me an unsolicited nude.

[00:09:09]>> How manipulative was he during like the group stuff when he was doing panels, when he was doing merch? I know he had a bunch of people doing designs for him. But I donated a lot to him and he made it seem like we were a team and like he would like make it seem like we were friends and family and then behind the scenes tell people that you're only here for clout and all this other [ __ ] when we did a lot of work. Like I decoyed and did videos and stuff for him and like I didn't ask for anything. And so he kind of used his platform to groom people and manipulate them.

[00:09:50]>> We were asking questions and I answered them and it became all you're trying to make it all about yourself.

[00:09:55]This is my [ __ ] channel. How goddamn dare you? Blah blah blah. This is not your channel. You are not the star of the show. Like he would get so irate. He would be like, "Well, [ __ ] yourself.

[00:10:03]Shut the [ __ ] up when I talk to you."

[00:10:05]Like all of these terrible terrible things. Dumb [ __ ] need to shut their [ __ ] mouths. He would say. He would belittle us. He would really belittle us and we were just there to to support his community. It's God knows he was [ __ ] doing it. So I can handle I can handle verbal abuse. I know there are a lot of people who can't, but just like knowing that we that you have a blogging team full of survivors who have gone through trauma that includes verbal abuse. What in your [ __ ] right mind makes you think that speaking to someone like that is okay?

[00:10:36]It's disgusting. And I really really genuinely believe that he wanted to know people's stories cuz he wanted to know how to hit them.

[00:10:44]How to use it against them.

[00:10:46]And and that's what's really sick about it all. He has my address. He wanted my address. He had my address. He had my location for a very long time.

[00:10:54]Um so many He had my job, my phone number. Um I really feel like I've been talking so much and I still feel like I have not I have made anyone understand.

[00:11:05]I mean I've been through a lot of victim shaming.

[00:11:07]I blamed myself a lot.

[00:11:10]And I used to feel like he knew my stories in detail. I cannot get into my stories in detail. Unfortunately, I thought I was going to be able to tonight when I came on.

[00:11:21]Um but he knew my stories in detail and he knows how hard it is for me to say no to somebody.

[00:11:28]You know, when you are young and you say no to somebody and they do it anyway, he makes up a story against me to get what he wanted and that's [ __ ] cruel. I have a lot of guilt every day. This I know it's normal and I know that I shouldn't but like a lot of the reason why I was so like scared to leave and why I stuck around for so long was because I there were so many people in like involved and I did see him starting to groom other people.

[00:11:53]Okay, the grooming process itself is often initially experienced but the victim by the victim as a positive experience and followed by confusion guilt fear and or threats and that usually is what stops people from coming out about everything cuz it starts off as a positive experience to them and then when they find out that this is all just a sham they feel really guilty and confused and they're usually threatened and they're scared and they say nothing. Yeah, so speak so grooming so like talking about that we'll just jump to this question what kind of woman is he looking for if this might be a little bit triggering I'm going to just say it as factual as humanly possible for my knowledge.

[00:12:31]There are many women associated with this cult uh it is not just the first three it is not just who I I'm not sure how many people came after me I only know of people that were there with me and people who were a part of things before me and things were happening before me that I was unaware of until until I was already like into the community. Uh and then my thing happened yeah anyways what kind of woman is he looking for?

[00:12:56]Um a predator looks for um survivors of neglect of like abuse neglect of any like any kind of trauma and this is particularly for Nohr and then I'll go into what like groomers might go into but like for Nohr women that he goes for survivors of abuse neglect of trauma of any kind. Sex workers or women who participate in consenting adult activities in their professional or personal lives and he does this on purpose so that it's it's all a part of that same like grooming tactic it's easier to get closer to you in that sense it's also easier to shame you when you leave. Um he does the same thing with the mental health. Um, in my opinion, people with extreme trauma issues, um, and this includes myself, uh, individuals who have seen a who seek approval or validation uh, from powerful or authoritative male figures and not necessarily on purpose, just something that happens. Um, uh, he looks for those women particularly. Um, women who feel neglected or lonely in their in their home life or marriage um, or who need an escape from reality.

[00:13:52]Uh, probably so that he can blackmail them um, but also to kind of like keep them around uh, kind of keep it like a separate like a completely separate reality for them so they can so like even when things happen he kind of can keep it um, in his circle. So, the people that he collected who added stuff, they were just ladies in waiting to collect. I didn't think Ron was up to anything cuz he was so sloppy, but now I think he's just arrogant. So, I thought he was like a genuine person. He looked like he wasn't hiding anything cuz it was all out there. Like if you were hiding it, would you I mean if you were doing something bad, would you publicize it? But, I just found out he's just just an arrogant person. He thinks he's a god. He thinks nothing can harm him.

[00:14:30]So, he doesn't care if people see it.

[00:14:33]The only time Ron speaks to you if he wants something from you. He uses his Discord roles position as candy to groom some people.

[00:14:39]He doesn't care for the majority of people on his Discord or the people who subscribe. They don't mean anything but piggy banks.

[00:14:45]He told other people I was in it for clout though behind my back even though he was the one who really pushed me to look into creating books. He said he liked the character so much that he just wanted me to be successful. He would bring it up to me all the time.

[00:14:57]He was the one who always always brought it up.

[00:14:59]He wanted to start a Kickstarter. He wanted me to make walk books. He said if he promoted me then he could start a business about putting other writers illustrators. He told me to focus on the book and not to do koi as much. Get someone else to do it. At first I thought, oh, like a mentor. He's like, "Don't get wrapped up in this decoy and stuff. Just focus on this." So, he wanted money from it.

[00:15:18]He also said on a mixer about staff making videos and that I should maybe do something about cos playing, pointing out how long I look. He just said my decoy pictures gave him awkward book.

[00:15:26]But I took it as a a joke.

[00:15:29]Um because apparently he likes to hide this truth in jokes. I always thought he was always interested in only tech trendy truck topics.

[00:15:36]Um I did lots of cases on Instagram about fake modeling agencies and other things he never touched on.

[00:15:42]He wanted content. He wanted He used kids for clicks. He wanted to become famous. He asked me for money in December thinking he said he needed it and that he'd pay me back.

[00:15:51]I gave it to him um because I wanted to see if he would pay me back. If I'm going in business with someone and they can't pay me back this little something then I can't trust them.

[00:15:59]He did not pay me back and he asked for more. So I shut him down. Even though I was a top staff, I rarely did talk to him on the phone because he gave me anxiety. Like there was some He wanted it just to be a a fan page. He didn't want to help people. Um the Discord was a place that he used as a toy. He didn't care if people were being preyed on. He was using the community as a like almost as hostages against people he was grooming. He made it hard to leave.

[00:16:23]Almost like leaving a family knowing they are in a cult.

[00:16:26]And you can't say anything.

[00:16:28]Um I would have told more people during the time, but I mean, would they believe me? Would they just go back to him? He used the Discord as a bargaining tool for people he deemed collectibles. That's why he would give so much excuses if one of the collectible people did anything to upset anyone cuz it didn't matter if they they could have done whatever they wanted to the little people cuz they were just grooming tools.

[00:16:49]When I saw people look up to him, I knew he was grooming them. It made me sick.

[00:16:52]I saw Doll was announcing her relationship on the Discord. I saw red flags almost a sign for help because someone in a cult or under his control would not announce a relationship on the internet because of things I understood beforehand.

[00:17:03]I knew that was That made me suspicious.

[00:17:06]Um during that time I didn't care anymore about helping Ron. I saw this and I felt helpless and angry. I started to tell people outside of my close group what was going on. I told most admin staff. I told Yelly first and then Doll and so on. Everyone was hurt, they felt betrayed and hopeless. She I wish at the time the community would be taken away from this predator. So, in the beginning I thought I could help the community under his ruling without resorting to this, but I knew pretending like Von was a good person to people he drew in, it made me sick.

[00:17:32]>> That first conversation on Instagram quickly turned into the practice of paganism. It did. And I connected with you as I showed you my library of books.

[00:17:41]I connected with you when I told you that I wanted to learn more and that a piece of me was missing when I stopped practicing. But in just a short time, I was being lassoed and dragged. You mentioned your kinks to me, I mentioned my former ones. You showed me parts of a contract and told me that I would be too scared if you showed me the full one as I had just mentioned to you that I would never ever stick a fist up my ass because that's what you told me one of your kinks were.

[00:18:08]Which I later found out is one of your punishments for your girls when they break one of your rules.

[00:18:13]I was still hurting. I was hurting the person that I've opened up to and thanks for easing my pain began to beat me into the same ropes I had mentioned leaving.

[00:18:21]Was it a lie that you said you had to test me? That you had to make sure I was good enough for you, making me feel a sense of having to prove my worth to you?

[00:18:33]That I was so beneath you and needed to make you trust me?

[00:18:39]You needed me to trust you, not the other way around.

[00:18:43]Isn't that how a sub/dom relationship works?

[00:18:47]Was it a lie when you said that I was the only one aside from one other female that you and your wife occasionally play with?

[00:18:55]>> [gasps] >> You picked at my vulnerability of needing to feel special to someone and you did it. Congratulations, you did it.

[00:19:02]It felt special to think that I was. Hi Daddy.

[00:19:10]>> [clears throat] [laughter] [sighs] >> I like talking to Daddy.

[00:19:21]Aw.

[00:19:24]I like being a good girl. of me just being tortured in different ways and we were going to take that footage and use it as like a social experiment um to like we were going to make it kind of like a secret if no like nobody knew it was real. What about the day that I showed you my scars? The day that I opened up to you on Snapchat of the horrors I've endured and the things that I've survived. I told you that the scars reminded me of my failures. And you told me to put your symbol on my body. You told me to draw your symbol over them and that it would empower me and protect me.

[00:20:00]You took advantage of my pain to brand me. I did receive an unsolicited nude from Ron. I have and not only did I get it, it was also like a video of someone who I didn't know who it was. Actually, all I want to say about that that it happened to me. It was very unfortunate and disgusting.

[00:20:19]I'm not attracted to him. But just open your eyes. Like I didn't even sign a contract and he still put me through so much. I can only imagine the girls who can't sign a contract. Like can you imagine?

[00:20:29]I I can't.

[00:20:32]So I really hope that I hope that it wakes people up.

[00:20:36]I really do. You're not the only person as much as he tells you you so you that you are or how special you are. You're not. You're not the only person. The lie kept eating at me. So that's why I stayed quiet for so long in the beginning. I saw people come in naive, starry-eyed, hopeful and big hearts. I saw myself.

[00:20:53]In December, I was on video and VC with Ron. I molested him. I told him what he was doing with King Kobra JFS TV. He just commented on how all the cans looked so big in my hands. I was drinking at the time and he just had like one of those tall beer cans. And he just kept fixated on that. He brought in one of his subs in. He told me a little about his hand symbols. He told me that when I asked about more about his religion, he said I wasn't ready. That maybe I should interview girls for him.

[00:21:16]Um this is before I found out about the cult in its entirety. And that's why me speaking up today was important.

[00:21:22]And I want to address his subs or anyone who's under him.

[00:21:26]Uh at the time, I was suspicious and mean to you. I was judgmental.

[00:21:31]But after reflecting, these people weren't just fans and did not go to him to hurt others. They were manipulated into doing so.

[00:21:37]It is hard to comprehend the complexity that goes into being brainwashed. It's something you will not truly understand unless you experience it. I'm not making excuses for them. Just that I understand.

[00:21:46]And no one started this movement to purely [ __ ] over.

[00:21:50]We did it for the people he was using.

[00:21:52]We did it for the future victims.

[00:21:54]And this may not stop him, but I couldn't just do nothing. He personally did not victimize me as much as others.

[00:21:59]This was never for revenge. It was for awareness.

[00:22:02]To Ron, if I'm going to I would say this to Ron.

[00:22:06]You may think I'm a snake, but I'm an overdose. You can't abuse people without consequences. I hope you hit your rock bottom and repent. Grow from this or you will just continue to decay.

[00:22:16]I saw you as a person, you saw me as an object.

[00:22:18]You manipulated me in return, I manipulated you.

[00:22:22]People don't leave you, they just discover who you are. I know there's a lot of people on the Discord that under other circumstances, I think we could have been friends.

[00:22:30]To the people still with Ron, I see what you see, but it's a lie.

[00:22:35]He's funny, charismatic, and it feels like you belong. You feel special and it feels safe.

[00:22:40]But his actions reflect on you.

[00:22:42]Especially with all this evidence that you choose not to believe.

[00:22:45]I do not wish you hate. I only wish you to be free.

[00:22:50]And I know Ron thinks that this started all of a sudden, but I've been stewing in this since December. This didn't happen overnight.

[00:22:58]And whoever you blamed, he blamed Yianni at first.

[00:23:03]Wasn't your downfall, I was.

[00:23:05]And I wanted you to be the person I saw on YouTube cuz I liked that person and I don't like you. You said I'm glad I found your Instagram. Me, too. I'm glad your secrets are being exposed.

[00:23:17]I also wanted to say to people who think adults cannot be groomed or these people suffering is not trending enough to make more people aware about it.

[00:23:24]You are a coward. Money isn't everything and if sharing awareness on your platform is something you need to be paid for [ __ ] you. Thanks. I want to thank my close friends. You know who you are and you're all warriors with your strength you have that you have shown and the time and dedication everyone put in. I couldn't have done this without you.

[00:23:40]Um And also Ron said it himself Uh you just you don't [ __ ] with llamas.

[00:23:46]When I I got told from from an outside party that hey look like his his misses just found out about a lot of the stuff that's just gone on and and yeah like this is 100% true. I like my first reaction was is nope out of the community, left the Discord, left like everything I could was like out nope.

[00:24:07]And I didn't delete any messages, I kept them all like I just was like I'm not deleting any of them just in case like something needs to come back up. And you know what look at we were we're a year later back in this situation where >> [laughter] >> we're at the point where this is all coming back up and I again I'm I'm happy I kind of kept everything in regards to all the messages but it it it makes me sick seeing all of this like I the more and more the people come out and speak and we learn more about the behavior of how he was was with people in regards to the the cult behavior.

[00:24:38]It's it blows my mind how many connections I can put to when I was doing streams and where he was unavailable or he was wanting to do a stream about a certain subject is because either he was either researching it for his own personal reasons or he wanted to to get the community off the mind of maybe something he was doing. Like that's that's what makes me really really kind of kick myself and also just feel sick that like no matter what like my face is stuck to that. Like I can't I can't take my face off of the co-hosting stuff. Like he won't take it down. Some of his most highest streams have my face on it and as much as I went to YouTube and went hey guys like can you guys remove this? I was a willing participant and it's not about clout. It's as much as Ron like to say it's it's literally about the the message of what I thought he really stood there for and he used it as this huge cloak to then bring this these vulnerable I want to say these vulnerable people 100% vulnerable people to the community then selected the people that he felt that would either approach him maybe as a an easier way instead of him having to approach them and seem like he was the predator. So essentially again the bait being put in front of you and then you taking bait or sorry bait would be wrong. Put the food down in front of you and then you taking the food kind of thing instead of you hunting out the food.

[00:26:04]So again maybe not keeping his priorities on on doing it directly but again majority of the messages that I've seen have been people who've either communicated with him directly first or have in some way been able to get that interaction going and then him be able to to turn it into a a more conversation of well how about this and how about this and how about this and always offering and offering and offering and and seeing how they bite that offering and then again putting it forward further and further and further. And again I think after Creeps left and we see it in in in Doll's testimony is he he really does jump on that. He even mentions it in his most recent um his most recent stream where he talks about how he feels that oh, maybe I did jump from my my friendship he calls it with creeps to doll and it's like you can see it's very very clear in her message and how he goes oh, well, I didn't know that she was a survivor. She did she should have spoke up and that was in a stream that he had with RS and the other day and um it makes me it made me laugh cuz I'm like you're a liar like I I seen your first messages with the girl and how the conversation starts and it shows her go on this long message of being like I am a survivor like I I did experience stuff and then you go into this very kind of direct and and straight on approach because you feel that she she she's aware of this this kind of community and she should she should know how it works.

[00:27:37]>> When it first he didn't even want to have anything to do with her. I was really excited about it. She ended up coming on a live stream. From my understanding he had a couple of us staff members talking to her.

[00:27:45]I'm not sure if that there was a reason.

[00:27:48]I didn't know about that until a little bit after.

[00:27:51]There's a few of us times that he like kind of gave us instructions a few of us instructions you need to message her.

[00:27:56]So that was a little bit surprising for me.

[00:28:00]And yeah, but this whole Makayla thing has kind of kept going. Obviously there was drama. It was getting a lot.

[00:28:04]And at one point before I left for my vacation cuz I went to Jamaica at the end of November. Right before I went to right before I went on vacation I kind of asked him I was like listen like what are you doing with with this manner stuff because you know, it's getting a lot all of us are on here 24/7 of the team works now but at the time that I was working on the team we were doing a lot of work like a lot of work. I basically spent my entire day doing work for for the community and for North like literally my entire day. All night I would be under cover in places that I probably shouldn't have and he gave no [ __ ] about our safety in terms of that.

[00:28:40]I was up all night sometimes with survivors. Oh my god, there's like all of this without us getting paid without us getting any real acknowledgement for it. Just us doing it because we loved each other and we loved everybody and we were just doing it because we all literally are survivors in our own rights and we just want to help people. So I it with all the other like stuff happening in the background, that's all it really mattered to me.

[00:29:03]Um and we were getting super busy and uh he wasn't really had it he didn't really have any direction with where he was going.

[00:29:08]Um a couple of the team members miraculously or like surprisingly kind of just disappeared and I wasn't really sure where they went, but like a couple like those people I wasn't allowed really to talk to, so it wasn't anything I could ask questions about. Um that's the kind of team we That's the kind of team we worked in. We couldn't even ask questions about each other. He was just like kind of blew me off and was just like, "Don't worry about it. Like we'll figure it out." Um at that point we still hadn't done anything with my bedroom stuff either. Um so I continuously kept asking him about that.

[00:29:31]I was like, "When are we going to start doing that?" Um I didn't want it to kind of go to waste. I came back from vacation and um that's when everything started happening um in terms of like the first time I or like when I realized I was in a sex cult and when I realized that I been participating in one consistently that I signed a contract to something that I had no idea what the [ __ ] it was um and that everything in my whole entire life at that point was a complete and utter lie. Um and that was when that was when I posted a picture in the sand when I was in Jamaica. Um I also have video of me writing that same symbol on the back of uh uh on the back of the the um whatchamacallit, the painting in the hotel room. I also wrote it on the corner of the shower. My brother at the time was in the room with me and he was like, "What the [ __ ] are you doing?"

[00:30:11]Um and I was like, "Oh, I like I I don't know." I kind of just like blabbered to him and like every time I told someone about the stuff I was doing with Nora, I kind of always kept it secret and I was kind of like I kind of told them some things, but like the second I started talking about it, I could see the look on their face that like they they didn't think it was right and they were just kind of confused as to why I was doing this so like easily just by like the things I was doing.

[00:30:33]Um and it really confused a lot of the people closest to me. I lost a lot of friends cuz I was never around. Um my roommate started noticing the patterns of grooming and weird activity way before I did. Um she started noticing it like right after I got the the um the contract cuz I like showed it to her and she's like this is kind of [ __ ] Like like I don't like I don't know why like she's like I've never She's like I've never done anything like this and I was like oh well whatever it's just you know like it's a thing like there's other people doing it and like it's like it's a magical thing like you wouldn't understand and like I said he kept going with this like spiritual thing that really like pushed my button that like this must be something like super special. Done a lot of studies on cults so like when I found out that I was in one um I kind of had like some cognitive dissonance for a like a few minutes cuz then I wasn't allowed to talk to who was a part of the cult.

[00:31:18]Um we will call her the East. And um she had left and she messaged me saying that she was sorry and that she didn't leave because of me and I was really confused cuz I was like what are you talking about? I thought you left because we were in um actually we mentioned it all the time in server. Um the team was working in in a suicide grooming um server undercover and it was really unsafe. Uh he uh Nora mentioned it in a live stream it made it even more unsafe.

[00:31:43]Um and yeah I was informed by her that no she left Well she left because of that reason but there were other reasons as well. Um honestly it was her bravery that day coming to talk to me that made me want to say my story today. So if she's listening here I love you.

[00:31:56]Um but um she told me uh everything that was happening with her and Nora um that uh we were purposely not allowed to speak with each other.

[00:32:04]Um that uh she had put up a fight about sex cults and was basically threatened and um abused because of it. Uh she couldn't take it anymore and she left.

[00:32:14]And she wanted to tell me her story because she wanted me to leave too and I I when someone comes to you and they tell you their story and obviously I won't give her story that's her um it just makes you it just makes you start to see what's really going on around you and I started doing my own research. I started reading more on um on everything that we were talking about on sex cultism and I was just in shock at how my life had turned into this game for a narcissist. I could finally see all the different stages. So, like um I guess I'll put that in right now since I forgot. There's seven stages of adult grooming or sexual adult grooming. Um there's victim selection, uh research, uh then creating a personal connection, and then meeting needs, um and then uh priming the target, and then um and and then putting in the sexual contact, and then controlling the victim. Um and after uh the predator can either move on to new victim or they can keep going on to early stages to regain trust. And right now he's going back to early stages to try to regain my trust.

[00:33:09]Um women with children um who are empathetic to his unfortunate child situations. Um I'm pretty sure he uses this to draw them back in. Um I also assume he uses this to draw in community members.

[00:33:21]Um and yeah.

[00:33:23]Okay, I see a few of your questions.

[00:33:26]He didn't threaten me when I left because I never really left on a big moment, but he did threaten me when I tried to expose him the first time.

[00:33:34]Um and he has plans for not just women as well. He also was like he also like um brainwashed and manipulated men too.

[00:33:42]I already had the the cult manifest. He was already talking to me all the time.

[00:33:46]Um I was doing uh I was slowly doing the tasks that he was providing for me. So, like I have all of those tasks written down. Um also as someone who's a creative, I have a lot of video evidence of things that I did. I have a lot of photo evidence of marks, of hand signs, of me going out um trying to like take photos of like women that he like with women that he liked um because that was one of our tasks that we had to do. Like every time a new survivor would come into the community, he'd like put a couple of team members on them to like make sure they were safe. He's getting all of the team to like message anyone that they could to try to get them um to try to get them on the live streams cuz that's also when he started to really do live streams.

[00:34:23]Um uh that's when I contacted Louie Lane. I commented like "Queen Louie."

[00:34:28]Commented her I commented on one of with her Maknae Manor video, her first one, um and on behalf of the community.

[00:34:35]And yeah, she mess I I sent him um I sent him a link about it and I said, "Hey, I wrote like something in a comment." Um and he actually sent me back, "Ew, no thanks. Not this one. Uh she's something." And I have a screenshot for that. And I was kind of it kind of shook me um because soon after that he was all over her like [ __ ] glue. Um when at first he didn't even want to have anything to do with her. Um and uh and then yeah, she was obviously sweet enough to message me back cuz she's amazing.

[00:35:00]Um and I was really excited about it. Uh she ends up coming on a live stream. Um from my understanding he had a couple of us staff members talking to her. Um I'm not sure if that there was a reason for that. Um I didn't know about that until a little bit after. Um but there was a few of us kind that he like kind of gave us instructions like a few of us instructions to like continue to message her.

[00:35:20]Um so that was a little bit surprising for me. Um and uh and at one point before I left for my vacation cuz I went to Jamaica at the end of November. Right before I went to uh right before I went on vacation I kind of asked him I was like, "Listen, like what are you doing with with this Manor stuff because you know, it's getting a lot all of us are on here 24/7." Um at the time that stuff was happening the team was also doing other things behind the scenes. I'm not really sure how the team works now, but at the time that I was working on the team we were doing a lot of work like a lot of work. I basically spent my entire day doing work for for the community and for Nora like literally my entire day. All night I would be undercover at places that I probably shouldn't have. Um and he gave no [ __ ] about our safety in terms of that. Um I was up all night sometimes with survivors just us doing it because we loved each other and we loved everybody and we were just doing it because we all literally are survivors in our own rights and we just want to help people. With all the other like stuff happening in the background that's all that really mattered to me. Um and we were getting super busy and uh he wasn't really had he didn't really have any direction with where he was going. A couple of the team members miracu- or like surprisingly kind of just disappeared and I wasn't really sure where they went, but like a couple of like those people I were wasn't allowed really to talk to, so it wasn't anything I could ask questions about. Um and uh and yeah, I went on vacation. I came back from vacation, and um that's when everything started happening.

[00:36:40]Um in terms of like the first time I or like when I realized I was in a sex cult, and when I realized that I'd been participating in one consistently that I had signed a contract to something that I had no idea what the [ __ ] it was, um and that everything in my whole entire life at that point was a complete and utter lie. Um I also have video of me writing that same symbol on the back of Huh, on the back of the the uh what's it called? The the painting in the hotel room. I also wrote it in the corner of the shower. My brother at the time was in the room with me, and he's like, "What the [ __ ] are you doing?"

[00:37:08]Um and I was like, "Oh, I like I I don't know." I kind of just like blabbered to him. And like every time I told someone about the stuff I was doing with Nora, I kind of always kept it secret, and I was kind of like I kind of told them somethings, but like the second I started talking about it, I could see the look on their face that like they didn't think it was right, and they were kind of confused to why I was doing this so like easily, just by like the things I was doing.

[00:37:31]Um and it really confused a lot of the people closest to me. I lost a lot of friends cuz I was never around. Um my roommate started noticing patterns of grooming and weird activity way before I did.

[00:37:41]Your contract started to awaken the little girl that was so desperate for family in me. And yet, I did not sign the contract.

[00:37:50]But as you began to write more, I read more. I engaged more. My curiosity peaked.

[00:37:56]I even remember telling you that you can trust me, and that I trust you. It may not make any sense, but I'm so used to having my trust betrayed. You feeding into my insecurities and emotional issues, albeit purposely or not, did not drown the feeling of how wrong it all felt. I was still hurting. I was hurting the person that I've opened up to, and thanks for easing my pain, began to bait me into the same ropes I had mentioned leaving.

[00:38:23]Yet, it is a fault of my own.

[00:38:25]The conversation continued.

[00:38:27]I mentioned that I was not ready for any of those things. I mentioned that I have that I've wanted to learn more magic with you.

[00:38:35]Yet, you told me that you couldn't have one without the other. Is that a lie?

[00:38:42]Although it all felt so wrong, I still needed you.

[00:38:47]I needed your content and I needed your community. I needed to feel close to someone who was exposing the horrors of what happens to little girls.

[00:38:58]My little girl that still lives in me needed that.

[00:39:04]And for everyone asking why I stayed, how could I not?

[00:39:10]Was it a lie that you said you had to test me? That you had to make sure I was good enough for you, making me feel a sense of having to prove my worth to you?

[00:39:22]That I was so beneath you and needed to make you trust me?

[00:39:28]You needed me to trust you, not the other way around.

[00:39:32]Isn't that how a sub-dominant relationship works? I never knew about any of these cult things or anything. I honestly think that everyone that has a following on the internet kind of becomes sort of a a hypothetical you know, cult leader, if you will. Do you think Do you think that people become desensitized potentially from internet use to like the behaviors of cults because they see it as like such a regular practice of their everyday lives from the way they they choose they're in groups or they're in messaging kind of things like that?

[00:40:07]I think people start following and idolizing individuals on the internet kind of blindly, I think. You know, like they start to uh uh again, like cult following these folks.

[00:40:23]And that that's something that I want to bring on a future episode because you like you see these conventions and stuff with with these YouTubers and whatnot. And you have like even grown-up people let alone kids who spend thousands of dollars to go into these conventions with like YouTubers and they spend hours upon hours just to see a person.

[00:40:54]Just to see a person. And I cannot understand that. I would never do that in in my life.

[00:41:00]And to me that's kind of a cultist thing to do, honestly. I think that's just pure cultism.

[00:41:07]But it's just masked. It's just masked because like it's on the internet stuff. I was going to say, do you think that YouTube influencers are the televangelists of the 20th century or the 21st century?

[00:41:21]Oh, yeah.

[00:41:22]>> Cuz Oh, yeah.

[00:41:23]>> Cuz if you think of Remember how back in the day Like again, I I'm I was late '80s. I was a '90s kid essentially.

[00:41:31]And like back in the day you'd watch TV and you see these televangelists and self-help people and they're like, "Oh, yeah, come you know, I sell tickets to the events and stuff like that. Buy my books and stuff like that." And it's essentially, if you think about it, it's it's the same thing as YouTubers. "Hey, listen to my message. Come to my channel. Subscribe." And instead of buy my book, it's subscribe to my membership, subscribe to my Patreon.

[00:41:50]Sorry I'm saying about you. But like again, you you're you're more of speaking of what things are actually going on, where they're speaking of you get people that speak about drama that doesn't exist. Like some people or Kendrick Lamar isn't sorry.

[00:42:05]And then in regards to to people who create stories like ARGs and stuff like that. They're essentially the televangelists of like this century and it's it just sitting here listening to you just it makes me realize it and it's crazy.

[00:42:20]Exactly and the you were going to talk Twinkie, go ahead.

[00:42:25]Oh, I was just saying like, you know, he knows maybe he didn't realize the power that he had over people who idealize him.

[00:42:33]And it's just he used the Discord as like a fishing spot to with his own motives.

[00:42:42]So, it was like disturbing and it disgusted me and that's what made me want to talk and tell people about it.

[00:42:51]Yeah.

[00:42:52]And this is it's serious because again, one of the scummyest things for me and and which is why I stopped watching his content and which is why I stopped literally caring about this guy was literally when he put his daughter in front of a camera and said, "Buy my merch to feed this little girl."

[00:43:19]And to me that's you don't do that when you run a channel to expose pedophilia on YouTube. It's public. A lot of people watch that [ __ ] I bet pedophiles watch his own like his channel. I mean, you don't put your daughter. You don't expose your daughter like that.

[00:43:38]You know?

[00:43:39]No.

[00:43:40]>> Yeah.

[00:43:40]Like I think even a Twinkie can can say the same like we both have kids and I don't see her put her her daughter on her Instagram that often and even mine.

[00:43:51]Like a lot of my shots are are from behind and a lot of people mess with me being like, "Oh, why can't we see your daughter's pretty face?" It's like, "Well, it's a public Instagram and I don't want people seeing my daughter." I once in a while maybe do it, but it's and usually I have a filter over it just to to overall kind of mask it, but I wouldn't even of the the thought of putting my daughter up there and being like, "Hey, look. Like I you you're you supporting me feeds this kid." It's like, "No, it doesn't. You're supporting me because this is something I want to do." Like other than that, I'd go get a freaking job. Like that's that's how I see it. Exactly. So, to me that was I I drew the line there in terms of like uh you know, sh like watching his content. Like, "Dude, you are putting your daughter in front of a camera so that people feel feel pity or pity." Pity. There's an accent.

[00:44:44]But so that people will feel pity for you and and so that people will buy your merch because you know, they will feel kind of uh obligated in a sense uh to feed your daughter. You know what I mean? Like and that's just comically as hell.

[00:45:06]So, when when you guys started you know, when I started reading all of this stuff and hearing about all of this stuff with the the cult the cult and and all this nonsense, I was like, "What is going on?"

[00:45:23]Sure, I did not sign the contract, but I still believed in you. I was there for you. You told me that no one else was.

[00:45:30]There's other girls on the other sides of their phones telling you the same thing.

[00:45:36]We were alone.

[00:45:39]Us.

[00:45:40]Your quote unquote collection of girls.

[00:45:45]You tell us that you feel worthless.

[00:45:49]And we articulate the best that we could that you weren't. Making sure we didn't sleep until you believed it, until you felt better.

[00:45:58]We were your powerhouse.

[00:46:01]You were our ball chain. You promised you'd be there for me in the same respect when you told me your lights were cut off.

[00:46:10]I sent you money so your children and wife and yourself wouldn't freeze. So your food wouldn't go bad and you can eat in the morning because I know how that feels. So then what's this about lights not being allowed to be cut off in Scotland?

[00:46:26]What's this about the monster that I am?

[00:46:29]That you're making me out to be and all of your survivors. As your disappearance began in December, I grew closer to your community.

[00:46:38]A community of the hidden girls [clears throat] that you made feel special.

[00:46:44]A community of girls that were taught to hate each other, to not speak to each other, to question each other's motives.

[00:46:54]I waited anxiously for you.

[00:46:56]I waited anxiously for your practices.

[00:46:58]You promised me that we'd do a meditation connection where I would be able to become one with you and that it was magic that you haven't practiced with anyone aside from one other person and I waited for weeks anxious to experience how you described it. You said that it was such strong magic that I would be able to feel you with me as the best friend you were to me.

[00:47:23]You told me you'd be there when I needed you.

[00:47:26]You promised me.

[00:47:27]>> [clears throat] >> I had a breakdown in December.

[00:47:32]And it was the anniversary mom.

[00:47:36]I made an attempt to try and leave the group chat promised.

[00:47:42]And I was left just as all the other girls stranded and waiting asking ourselves what have we done wrong.

[00:47:50]And not just girls, guys, the men in your community, in your mod team.

[00:47:58]That accountlessly helped you. You left us all waiting.

[00:48:03]That's when I drifted away from you and closer to your community.

[00:48:10]That's when I met friends that I would go to bat for and still will till this day.

[00:48:17]That's when I was brought back into reality.

[00:48:20]And when you came back, I was different.

[00:48:24]I felt like I no longer needed you.

[00:48:27]You asked me about the contract again and if I thought it over and I told you that I was now seeing someone.

[00:48:34]And you were decent about it at first until I told you who.

[00:48:39]And then you were angry. Is that a lie?

[00:48:42]Come to find out the reason of your disappearance.

[00:48:45]Why ask me anything at all?

[00:48:49]Weren't you just [ __ ] so royally because of all of this? Wasn't your family healing?

[00:48:55]You lied to me about why you left. You lied because you didn't want me to know that there were other girls.

[00:49:04]You told me you were sick.

[00:49:07]I mean, for the amount of times that you were sick, go rent a bed at the hospital, please. Like you need it.

[00:49:13]Sick, yes. Sick with despair that you have been found out. Sick with anger to learn that every truth >> [clears throat] >> comes to light.

[00:49:22]And you know what?

[00:49:24]I still stood in your community. Still, I believed in you because I believed in your work. I believed in our friendship.

[00:49:31]I believed in your promise. I believed in your message. And I believed that I was going to make the difference within it.

[00:49:38]You promised me you would never leave again.

[00:49:42]And that no matter who I was seeing, we'll always be friends.

[00:49:45]I brushed away your nasty comments about it, of course. And I believed you.

[00:49:50]As my relationship with this person was very short-lived, I called you to lean on you about what happened, just as you said I could.

[00:49:59]And throughout all the drama that relationship has faced, you sat through it. I remember [clears throat] thinking how much better I felt after just letting it all off of my chest when I got off the phone with you.

[00:50:09]But as I got off the phone with you, I then received a message instantaneously after on Snapchat [clears throat] reminding me of your contract. And of course, the magic reminding me that you're sorry we're over.

[00:50:23]But that the offer still stands, as if it was never just about me and who I was.

[00:50:28]As if you do things for me to get what you wanted.

[00:50:36]At this point, I was much stronger as you have made me become. When you taught me how to live without your promises, it's because you couldn't keep them.

[00:50:43]So I'm sure you remember that I declined.

[00:50:48]And after I did, you disappeared again.

[00:50:51]But not fully this time.

[00:50:53]You didn't disappear fully.

[00:50:55]You still did your streams.

[00:50:57]You still answered fans on your Discord.

[00:51:00]You still gave them the the world of your time.

[00:51:04]>> [clears throat] >> Just not me.

[00:51:07]But it was okay this time, Mom.

[00:51:10]Because I had friends in the community now.

[00:51:12]No, they did not know my story, but they knew that I was a survivor like they were.

[00:51:18]And that meant so much more than your attention could.

[00:51:26]And as the Libra that I am, I was very persistent with what I wanted from your community.

[00:51:34]And that was the birth of the survivor group. Uh for somebody to play with. So it yeah.

[00:51:40]Thinking about that footage kind of bothers me. Um he still obviously to this day uses it. Uh that's why even today he was messaging me about it.

[00:51:47]Um, I just yeah.

[00:51:50]Um, I'll use it eventually for myself. I took a lot of out of it. I lost my voice for two weeks uh, COMPLETELY FOR IT.

[00:52:02]UM, SO I COULDN'T WORK ANY OTHER JOB.

[00:52:04]UM, I DIDN'T GET compensated for it. I was physically put in trauma. Um, I've been raped before in similar ways to things that I acted out in hoping that it would do some type of healing and at the time that it did and now that I look back it is kind of [ __ ] Um, so yeah.

[00:52:22]Uh, yeah. So that was at the end of September.

[00:52:25]Um, and yeah, so at the end of September I started finish I started to send him uh, finish Red Room project stuff and he started to see it and he was super excited about it and that's when he wanted me to get closer in to the community. Um, so he asked me to uh, he asked me before he would give me any more responsibilities in like the team or anything like that uh, to just like introduce myself to the community um, which is a little bit of an isolation tactic looking back at it but um, but yeah, so I spent as I was um, in the community um, I quickly kind of like moved up the ranks um, in places in terms of like staff and modding. Um, so that's when all of a sudden everyone started seeing me like modding on the live streams like really intensely and like um, me uh, participating in lives and stuff it's because him and I had already been talking for about like a month and a half like exclusively almost every day.

[00:53:16]I was moving up quickly in the ranks and I was really excited because I was helping a lot of people at the time like I said I was hearing a lot of everyone's stories um, and it made me feel good to be in a place that I could help especially because I was in such a dark place and I'm not usually a dark person so um, it was it was it was nice it was nice to get to know everyone and I felt super comfortable um, and he used that definitely to his advantage. Um, I know also moving me up in like ranks of staff was a way to get others in staff to either not like me or talk [ __ ] about me or just wonder my role, um, and I don't blame them at all for that because for my understanding he hid a lot from everybody and he kind of did it on purpose, uh, to keep all of us from being friends with each other, um, because honestly me being friends with someone in this like someone really high up in staff actually is what brought me to some conclusions later on, um, so he knew what he was doing by keeping everyone in separate and not talking to each other. Um, there was many cases where he told me I wasn't allowed to talk to people. Um, many, many, many. Yeah. Um, anyhoo, uh, when did you start to see something was off with him? Um, okay, so yeah, so as we were talking, um, all throughout September, um, he kept telling me how like special I was, um, and we had a lot of talk about spirituality, um, and magic and just like being connected, so there's that.

[00:54:36]Um, he would start to talk a little bit about how he never he didn't have this connection with anybody else, um, how there was only a couple of other people in his life that he had that connection with and it was just so ironic that we all happened to be into the same things and he was just starting to allude to this like to this idea that there was like a sisterhood of some type, um, or some like just some type of like connection between people that we didn't really know, um, and, uh, and yeah, and so I was like at the time, um, he knew how much I was into spirituality, so he knew to me how much of like a universal sign that was, um, and so he used that definitely to pull me in. Um, uh, that's when he introduced the cult to me. So I actually have stuff written down of from the first conversation that we had of him the way he introduced it to me. Um, I know it's going to sound very similar to some people cuz I showed it to some other survivors as well in the past and they were kind of shook, um, at how similar it was.

[00:55:32]Um, so this conversation happened on September 29th, 2019, um, and, uh, this is the day that he introduced um, anything sexual to me. So, like we were kind of flirty beforehand a little bit, but like not really. He kind of knew that I was into industry at that point.

[00:55:49]He knew my entire life. Um, and yeah, at this point he kept telling me that we had a connection, a spiritual connection, that this was more, that he's never felt this way about anybody else. Um, and I have screenshots for all of that, too. Um, everything I'm talking about I have screenshots for all of that. Like everything everything I'm talking about this all comes with screenshots.

[00:56:04]Um, so yeah, January 29th, 2019, uh, "I feel like you've seen me for me."

[00:56:08]These These are all things that he told me. Um, "I feel like you've seen me for me. Uh, thank you for letting me in, Meg. Uh, what I have to offer you is something that could last forever. Um, okay, so think about what you want and you will find out all about what I want tomorrow, but I will say my Dom name is Dominus and Dominus craves blush little creep. Can you imagine um, how you can convince your Dominus your blush is worth it?"

[00:56:32]>> [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] >> Mhm.