Eastern European Men Love Me | Dinara Kerey

[00:00:00]My father is using TikTok.

[00:00:04]It's It's really [ __ ] up. But, you know, TikTok algorithm actually fixed the relationship with my parents.

[00:00:11]I'm not joking. Like, my dad one day he sent me this really sweet TikTok. You know, it said, "Happy birthday, daughter."

[00:00:19]That was so emotional.

[00:00:22]Then the TikTok algorithm took over, right? Right? So, now he's getting videos like, "Daughters are a gift."

[00:00:29]>> [laughter] >> "Unresolved trauma makes you bald."

[00:00:35]So, now he's calling me.

[00:00:37]You know, he's hugging me.

[00:00:41]Like, TikTok algorithm gave my dad personality software update.

[00:00:45]>> [laughter] >> Thank you, China.

[00:00:50]I didn't know that global data set will get me a hug from my dad.

[00:00:56]I just turned 23.

[00:00:59]Yeah, emotionally.

[00:01:00]>> [laughter] >> Physically, I'm 30.

[00:01:05]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, so in my country, in Kazakhstan, I reached that age where I can only marry divorced guys now.

[00:01:12]>> [laughter] >> Or as my grandma says, I'm on a secondary market.

[00:01:20]But because I'm dating in Berlin, I would actually say I'm on a flea market.

[00:01:26]>> [laughter] >> You know, going through trash, trying to find like single monogamous people who don't use drugs.

[00:01:34]>> [laughter] >> But I don't want to complain. Actually, I do get enough attention from guys. Uh this can happen if you're an Asian girl with a Russian accent.

[00:01:45]Yeah, all the boys are yours.

[00:01:47]All the perverts.

[00:01:49]>> [laughter] >> Yeah, I'm basically two categories of PornHub combined.

[00:01:56]>> [laughter] >> That's why it's so funny like how to to observe how guys are flirting with me here in Europe. Like in their flirting there's usually like a sprinkle of racism.

[00:02:11]I love it.

[00:02:12]I was at a coffee shop the other day and this German dude comes up to me and he's like, "Hello.

[00:02:18]>> [laughter] >> You know, I'm also the Buddhist."

[00:02:26]I'm like, "Great.

[00:02:28]I'm Muslim."

[00:02:30]And he goes, "ME, TOO."

[00:02:33]>> [laughter] >> I'M AN EASTERN EUROPEAN Asian woman.

[00:02:42]Uh my love language is threatening acts of service.

[00:02:47]>> [snorts] >> I will [ __ ] you up emotionally, but I'll pay for your therapy.

[00:02:52]>> [laughter] >> I like Asian men, but they don't like me back.

[00:02:59]>> [laughter] >> Because Asian men they either date white women or cute submissive Asian girls who laugh like this.

[00:03:08]>> [laughter] >> And I'm like, "LET'S GO EAT SOME POTATOES, MOTHERFUCKER!"

[00:03:15]>> [laughter] [laughter] >> AND THAT'S HOW YOU END UP with Eastern European men.

[00:03:26]>> [laughter] >> Men from Eastern Europe love me because I remind them of their moms.

[00:03:32]>> [laughter] >> I cook for them and I beat them up.

[00:03:36]>> [laughter] >> Just kidding, I can't cook.

[00:03:48]BUT I DID HAVE SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS BEFORE, I I UH my ex broke up with me last year.

[00:03:54]Yeah, because uh, he said he was emotionally unavailable.

[00:03:58]Do you guys know what it means?

[00:04:00][ __ ] that's what it means.

[00:04:04]But he didn't think it through, you know, he was like, "Dinara, I cannot be with you. I do not feel emotions."

[00:04:12]Then there was a little dog passing by.

[00:04:14]HE WAS LIKE, YEAH, IT'S BEEN A YEAR SINCE HE BROKE UP WITH ME.

[00:04:24]But to this day, when I see dogs on the street, I feel competitive.

[00:04:29]>> [laughter] >> Who does this [ __ ] think she is?

[00:04:36]I'm on Hinge now. Any other believers in the room?

[00:04:39]Good, good. Belgian realism, I like it.

[00:04:42]I went Hinge, uh, and you know, this guy, instead of messaging me, he just sent me his address.

[00:04:49]Yeah, like no hi, no how are you, just GPS coordinates.

[00:04:54]Like I'm an Uber Eats driver or something.

[00:04:56]>> [laughter] >> SO I ROBBED HIM.

[00:05:03]>> [applause] >> AND THEN WE WENT ON A DATE BECAUSE I FELT GUILTY AND STUFF. UH, >> [laughter] >> During the date, he was like, "Dinara, I am looking for someone to grow with."

[00:05:18]Aw.

[00:05:20]I told him, "Dude, you're 168 cm, you're 40 years old. I cannot help you with growing."

[00:05:26]Anatomy.

[00:05:28]But I did grow financially because I sold his PlayStation.

[00:05:32]>> [laughter] >> I quit drinking.

[00:05:38]Thanks, thanks. So now I have MUCH LESS SEX.

[00:05:42]>> [laughter] [clears throat] >> CUZ IT TURNS OUT THAT SO WERE ME HAS STANDARDS.

[00:05:49]Standards like personality, hygiene.

[00:05:55]But the last time I had sex, uh something interesting happened to me.

[00:05:58]So a guy tried to stick his finger into my butt hole.

[00:06:02]And I know some people like it, right?

[00:06:04]I'm not judgmental. But I don't like it.

[00:06:05]So I was like, "What the fuck?"

[00:06:07]>> [laughter] >> And he goes, "I just wanted to make your day more interesting."

[00:06:14]>> [laughter] >> If I want to make someone's day more interesting, I don't do that.

[00:06:22]>> [laughter] >> Okay? What I do is I go into a male's bathroom, right? I go inside, I stop I stop my forehead and I say, "Ah, old habits."

[00:06:37]Then I scratch my vagina and I go outside.

[00:06:39]>> [laughter] >> Okay, no trans jokes. Got it.

[00:06:45]I love it when white people realize that they just behaved like a racist person and they start panicking.

[00:06:53]I was at a coffee shop the other day, uh about to pay my bill, and then I realized it wasn't actually my bill.

[00:07:00]So the waitress thought I was another Asian person in the room.

[00:07:04]Yeah.

[00:07:05]And wanted me to pay for him.

[00:07:08]>> [laughter] >> So I come up to her and I said, "Do you think all Asians look the same?"

[00:07:17]She shat her pants.

[00:07:20]>> [laughter] >> She was like, "Oh my god, I'm so sorry.

[00:07:23]I'm sorry for slavery. I'm sorry >> [laughter] >> I'm sorry for racism. I'm sorry for Donald Trump.

[00:07:32]How can I fix this?"

[00:07:34]And I went, "Well, I like cheesecake."

[00:07:40]And she brought the cheesecake to another Asian person in Berlin. room.

[00:07:43]>> [laughter] >> Hey guys, it's been lovely. That was my time. My name is Ari Kiki Layne. Good night you all.