While the hosts attempt to navigate the complexities of social identity, the comedic framing often sacrifices intellectual depth for accessible banter. It ultimately functions more as a casual conversation than a rigorous analysis of the structural dynamics it aims to address.
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Episode 21: GrianAdded:
Hi, my name is Akash.
>> I'm gonna be podcasting today.
>> Hi, my name is Akash. I'm the I'm a little guy.
>> Hi, my name is >> Hi, I'm on a phone call with people that have code names.
[laughter] >> Sorry guys, one second. I'm on a phone with a guy who who's being investigated by the FBI. [laughter] >> I'm a stand up.
[laughter] >> Hi everyone. My name is Brendan. I'm filling in for the role of Ethan.
Just going to try my best to be Ethan.
>> Ethan's [laughter] under city. We were doing Ethan earlier today.
>> You guys were doing Ethan.
>> There's a glaze. There's a glaze in the eyes.
>> We got to clap. Is it still really loud?
Looks lower than usual now.
>> I think you're just talking lower, but maybe we could boost it up a little.
Yeah, let's [laughter] I just like to be in a little bit louder so that we can so be we're more audible for people.
>> Now it feels too loud. Oh god.
>> I feel like that I feel like it's not so bad.
>> No, we don't want it to peaky peak.
>> The best way to test the mic.
>> How's mine now?
>> That seems good.
>> That seems good to me as well.
>> Should speak a little bit. Shut the [ __ ] up.
>> Two people speak at the same time. The sound literally triples. That's literally how it works.
>> Okay, so let me try speaking alone. I'm speaking alone. I'm speaking alone to the pone to the Yeah, it looks good.
>> And now I'm angry. And now I'm angry.
And Oscar, you said something racist.
>> Yours is [laughter] >> Oscar, you said something racist.
>> That looks pretty good.
>> That's good.
>> Should I get racist or angry now?
>> Get angry.
>> Okay. Well, you know, honestly, if you're going to [ __ ] on me like that, then you know what? You can talk to the hand.
>> And then this is me getting angry. It just feels like [ __ ] It's a little lower, but it's fine.
Probably >> seems pretty good.
>> Okay.
>> Boom clap.
Boom. Clap. Boom. Boom. Clap. The boom claps. Booms claps. Booms claps. Booms claps. Booms. Claps. Boom.
>> I got the clap. Oh, right.
>> I got the clap.
>> Alt right. The sound of my >> sound of my right goes al and right sound of my >> Oh, that's actually copyrighted.
>> Let me skip the ad, >> dude. So, I use my phone as a screen time blocker, but I always end up ignoring >> I use >> Welcome back y'all to another night of jazzy altruistic righteousness.
>> On my left, per usual, I've got aos.
>> Hello everybody.
>> And on my right, what's that? A delicate little surprise in the form of say a name, son. What's up? I'm Brendan.
Altruistic righteousness moving [music] at you from the left. I'm on my car and I'm cruising down on the strip. Moing down on your bitching [music] on the camera flip. Now they flip camera splash camera's ass. Huh? That was the camera bass.
>> It's a not here.
[screaming] >> Yeah. I was walking down the street. I went into the bodega. [laughter] I decided to get me some beads.
>> The vegetable the root.
>> Ooh, [laughter] they're purple. Ah.
>> And at the end of the day, I walked home. [laughter] I walked down the street. I walked home.
I got home.
>> [laughter] >> Once I got home, I unpacked the beats.
>> I looked up a recipe involving >> beats [laughter] Oscar.
Brendon's not here.
>> We slide to the left to make him feel right. Slide to [music] the left. Make them make you look all right. All right.
All right.
All right.
>> Slide to the left. Make them feel all right. Slide to the right. Make them feel right.
>> Make them feel all right. Recipe involving beats. [laughter] >> Recipe involving beats.
>> Did something inhabited your soul there?
[laughter] like a like a slightly overweight black man from 1990 [laughter] with just a [ __ ] beautiful flowing satin shirt. His pupil's dilated.
>> I went to the sto. [laughter] >> You know, you know what came to mind?
Was that uh one uh SNL video of the old timey R&B music video with Donald Glover?
>> I don't know that one.
>> All right.
>> Can we have it pull it and have it play full frame the entire thing right now?
SNL rewatch podcast.
Well, we're not in that part.
>> Oh, true.
>> Just like cut to it.
>> Oh, this looks vaguely familiar.
>> Yeah, that's sort of the vibe of your your guy for sure.
>> But I'm thinking more like you've got a necklace on, gold necklace on, and like a really big satin shirt. [laughter] Like you're basically dressed like LeBron at the 2004 NBA draft.
>> Sure. Sure.
>> Like your suit is double your size, you know?
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Oh man, I'm really getting in into this idea of you like dropping an album like this, [laughter] >> dude. Hard left turn right now for your online presence.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Become musician. That would rip.
>> It would rip. Me just did it.
>> The fourth post. People realize it's not like a like a character. It's just who you who you are now.
>> Uh Kyle Mooney did the same thing, right?
>> Yeah, he did. Yeah. It was all one big bit or something. Yeah, probably with that guy.
>> With that guy. [laughter] >> Yeah. Kyle Mooney. More like All right.
>> You got it.
>> More like pile of money.
>> God damn.
>> That was pretty good.
>> Wow.
>> That's actually really, really, really good.
>> Well, setup.
>> No, that was funny, man.
>> Set up and punchline. Two people to tango.
>> So, what's new with you guys? I feel like I haven't seen Well, I've seen you recently, but I haven't seen you in a minute.
>> A week or two? Yeah. What have I done?
>> I don't know, dude. Probably hell of [ __ ] You're You're always on the coolest [ __ ] So, [laughter] >> this guy got me into cool ranch Doritos.
He's like way ahead of the curve on trends.
>> Yeah. I don't know. I'm not sure that's like a trend though, man. Like I think >> he was eating a bag. I said, "What are those?" He said, "Cool ranch Doritos." I said, "Wow." Turns out they have them in almost every bodega.
>> Can I be Can I be so for real?
>> Yeah.
>> Cool ranch is falling off. Don't Don't buy them anymore. It just You look weird.
>> Oh, so it is a trend to you. What?
>> It's like baggy pants.
>> I feel like you're taking advantage of Brendan by like trying to like boss his life around by putting him on to different >> No, because I didn't even like Cool Ranch actually. So now that he said that, I don't have to keep getting them.
[laughter] >> Well, I mean like food.
>> So you're not being manipulated.
>> Food trends are cyclical like fashion, right?
>> The 20-year food cycle.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Cool ranch is in. Uh it peaks then it dips and nacho cheese starts to rise.
>> Nacho cheese is rising.
>> Yeah. Yeah. For sure. cheese on the line.
>> Unfortunately, nacho cheese. Nacho cheese. Everyone's going to be eating nacho cheese in like 10 years, so you may as well get rid.
>> Oh, 10 year. What's the value in knowing it now then? So far, >> okay. So, someone doesn't want to know the value the value of predicting the future >> cuz like all the photos of you in your 20s, I think I'm starting to get it, but cuz like all the photos of this time period of your life, you'll have the Doritos and like your kids will be like, "Holy [ __ ] how did you get those?"
>> Yeah. Well, cuz I got them when you Anyone could get them.
>> It wasn't just that you had to be like, >> "Oh my god."
>> Yeah. No, I know.
>> This is why I've been doing it.
>> Yeah.
>> But like what's your kids are going to be like five or six. They're going to see pictures of you holding a Cool Ranch Dorito and like a Polaroid and they're gonna be like >> Dad was a loser.
>> Yeah.
>> And then they're going to become like 15 16. Then all of a sudden it's going to flip again and they're going to be like, "Holy [ __ ] dad was so ahead of the curve."
>> So you need photos with both Cool Ranch and Nacho. Are do any other flavors come into prominence or is it just a year?
>> It's a 10 20 year cycle of those two.
>> Interesting.
All right. Well, yeah. I mean, I've been looking for someone to kind of lead my life, dude. And I feel like you're someone who >> I mean, I can I can give you like the like cookie insights, too.
>> Cookie insights.
>> Yeah. Well, cuz this is just like corn chips, right?
>> Oh, I eat just like chest and Milanos. I like those.
>> Milano. I'm sorry. [laughter] You just went on a whole Milano thing the other day to me and it just >> it's like it's in 2026 you're going to get caught eating Milanos.
>> I guess I just liked the taste.
>> Yeah. I mean, sure, we all like the taste.
>> Yeah, I would love to >> We're like in college and we don't really know what we're doing.
>> Okay, but like you could someone's gonna judge me for eating a Milano or a chestnut?
>> Yeah, 100%.
>> Really? Why? What? Because it was It's go. It's like out of season.
>> Yeah.
>> But I still like the taste.
>> No, we're in Samoa season.
>> Samoa? I don't like Samoas.
>> Okay.
>> Doesn't really matter, dude. I don't I'm allergic to Samoas, but I've been just buying boxes and boxes. Akash has helped me transform myself into the person who I wanted to be.
>> Is that why you have that like full body rash?
>> It's like comes and goes. Usually it comes right after I eat them and it goes after I haven't eaten them in a while.
>> Yep. That's an allergy.
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> Have you discovered the correlation there yet? Have you connected the dots?
Well, what's interesting is my stats high school teacher said correlation does not equal causation. So, >> yeah. But if it's every Yeah.
>> There's also there's a common fallacy there where you do something and you think that it causes something else.
>> There could be a confounding variable that you're not aware of.
>> ID procgo [laughter] >> drl.
>> As the Romans said, Dr. rock a ergo [laughter] which means to one's from one's mother thus thus comes and from the to one's mother one must return. I think Caesar said that. Um I'm I'm into the classics.
>> Which Caesar?
>> Uh Julius.
>> Not Augustus.
>> Not Augustus. Man, no. Augustus wouldn't have said something like that because he was a uh mute.
>> Augustus was not a mute, dude. He got He was the first one to get sucked up the chocolate, too. I mean, that kid wouldn't shut the [ __ ] up. Augustus Caesar.
>> Oh, Gloop.
>> Augustus Gloop. Man, that movie is actually a parable or the uh like a metaphor.
>> It's a metaphor for if you get the golden ticket, shut the [ __ ] up.
>> Yeah. Just like go on the tour. Don't try to go off and do [ __ ] But also like they were kind of like Augustus Gloop like definitely, you know, little little eater vibes for sure. Like I'll give him that. But I I do think that like he they kind of were instructed to go in there and eat candy and bro sees a chocolate river and is like [ __ ] >> [ __ ] that's edible.
>> Yeah.
>> Starts drinking it and he falls in.
They're like little fatty fat guy got stuck in the tube. It's not his fault, man. He was supposed to drink the chocolate.
>> He was the only innocent one. I think >> he was innocent.
>> Yeah. It was just fat phobia that took down Augustus Gloop. That was one of the deadly sins. Fat phobia. [laughter] >> He had fat phobia and that's why he was taken down.
>> He Well, yeah. He had fat hat phobia. I mean, I'm sure he had some body image issues.
>> Sure. Sure.
>> But I don't know.
>> Autophobia.
>> Autophobia.
>> Phobia of yourself.
>> Hate of the self. Whoa, dude. That a little bit.
>> This is the line between comedian philosopher that's like so interesting to me. Like I feel like we're always tiptoeing that which is interesting.
>> Well, cuz you don't want to like run full steam ahead over that line.
>> No. No. Cuz then you're not funny anymore.
>> But if you don't have any of the philos philosophical stuff.
>> Yeah, but you just tow the line. Tow the line, >> dude.
>> Well, it's all about the line >> and then dick joke >> and then and then >> Yeah, >> that's good [ __ ] We've been uh we've been finding ourselves great humor over the last few weeks of saying trying to say metaphors but then just using the exact wording of what you're describing.
>> That was Brennon's new bit that he's been working on.
>> Uh give me a example.
>> Like uh uh the other day I uh the other day I I found myself stuck between I was just trying to make a decision and I felt like either one was going to be terrible. Also, I felt like I found myself in a position where I was between something that was almost immovable and then something that was um damn near as immovable. Yeah. Like a rock and a hard place.
>> No, this was in in my corporate office.
I was trying to make a decision at work.
>> No, it's like a saying.
>> What?
>> So is my thing. I'm trying to make a decision. It's like you've heard that before.
>> I like when I like the ones where it's like Uh uh the the other day I was going to go to the grocery store, but then I realized I had to uh also pick up my meds from the pharmacy and they're right next to each other. So it was sort of I I was able to do it all in one trip.
Sort of like using a really long sword to kill two chickens that have been laid out at the same time um with just one sword. also like misremembering the the [laughter] idiom >> like no like inventing a new one like they like arriving from first principles, you [laughter] know, >> like oh no like like killing a bird with two birds with one stone. It's like no no this is like this would be chickens and they're on the slaughtering block and their necks have been laid out in such a way that with one strike of the sword I can kill both of them at the same time and the chickens being the grocery store and the pharmacy.
>> Oh, I like that one.
>> Yeah. Well, my Spirit Airlines flight got cancelled this morning. So, uh, but I was able to snag a United Airlines flight back, luckily. Um, which is kind of like, uh, when you show up to the cafeteria for like school lunch and your friend's like homemade meal looks better, so you just take that instead.
>> Which one is this? [laughter] >> Huh?
>> Oh. Uh, >> what do you mean? I thought we were making ones up.
I was like I was like a rose by any other name smells sweet.
>> The start grass is always greener is what I was [laughter] thinking.
>> Yeah.
>> It's like when your when you show up to lunch and your friend's lunch smells better than yours. So you >> eat that instead.
>> So you eat that.
>> What do you mean you eat your friend's lunch?
>> Well, cuz you don't want to eat yours.
>> It's a saying, dude. It's a new one. But you didn't you didn't choose a different thing. You your first choice was rejected. It's like going to school lunch and you and you realize that your lunch didn't sees me and he's like, "You're a [ __ ] Indian kid, aren't you?" And I'm like, "Yeah." And he takes my lunch and he >> Aren't you? [laughter] >> I'm not sure. Aren't you fine?
>> I said, "Yeah." And so he took my lunch and he tossed in the trash. So I ate my friend's lunch instead.
>> You're an Indian kid, aren't you?
>> Well, aren't aren't you?
>> Yeah.
>> Okay.
>> Indians are Give me your Give me your lunch, buddy. I just like wasn't sure if you're Indian cuz if you were like Caucasian or like a race I I don't have like a bias against so I wasn't going to take your lunch.
>> Oh, >> but you're Indian 100%.
>> No, I'm not.
>> Oh [ __ ] All right. Have a good day, man. What are your interests?
>> Uh football.
>> Dope. Dope. I like football. More of a basketball guy, but >> yeah.
>> Oh [ __ ] >> You you I really thought you were Indian. You sure?
>> No.
>> Wow.
>> Mikey kid outside. He's not confirmed Indian yet, but I think might be.
>> Have you checked? I'll go ask him. Yeah, double check.
>> All right, >> let me know. [laughter] >> I have I have a suspicion that that kid over there is black because he looks a lot like a black guy. But I want to be sure before I move forward.
>> Excuse me, sir. What are you?
>> Are you black?
>> You a black guy?
>> You black guy?
>> No, I'm half.
>> Wow. This is my first time reaching this. I don't really don't know what to >> I guess I'm half.
>> Gather the council.
>> Council. Bunch of white kids like bullies just run out from all the corners of the room, sit down.
>> Yeah, I you know, half is interesting, right? Maybe we have the punishment.
>> Having the punishment is interesting, but I think philosophically I'm just trying to understand like does that make him black? You know what I mean? Like it's a very complex thing and I feel like it would be a foul that that I feel like that needs its own category almost.
>> H Do your banner men still ride true for you? Are you still landed?
>> I'm still landed. Then we are agreed.
Our positions must be kept sacred.
[laughter] He is a black boy through and through. There will be no halves about it.
>> So what else?
>> Uh you guys see the JP Morgan executive?
>> Oh no, I haven't seen that happen.
>> I purposefully avoided all mentions I saw of it.
>> Oh my god.
>> Uh lawsuit that got filed last week that was uh there's a JP Morgan executive.
She's a woman, white woman. Uh, and an Indian guy filed this lawsuit.
[laughter] And it says that she would be like, "If you really want that promotion, you're going to have to [ __ ] my brains out tonight.
You better not tell your fish head wife."
>> Fish head.
>> Uh, his wife. And his wife is like Asian. And people like >> fish head.
>> Yeah. Is is that a new insult >> for Asian woman?
>> Holy [ __ ] She was just straight up in the emails was like, "You if you want this promotion, you're going to have to [ __ ] my brains out."
>> Yeah.
>> And he was like, "All right."
>> Uh I don't I don't know if it said his response or I think he it was just like, "I don't I don't really want to do that." Or heating and he was pushing back and there were colleagues that were like, >> "Oh yeah, like we we heard like this argument like through the walls from a different room." Um, and the executive was like uh apparently like at one point like stripped, was like naked and was like, "I bet you're like fish head like [ __ ] wife doesn't like have cannons like these."
>> Cannons.
>> Doesn't have cannons.
>> Why are they all aquatic based?
[laughter] >> They're cannons. Okay. I guess >> I guess >> I think of pirates if I think of >> Yeah, that's uh Sorry, the aquatic based thing is really throwing me off.
[laughter] >> I don't know what to come at the end.
>> Really came out of nowhere.
>> Cannons. [laughter] Okay. Anyways, uh God, that really got me off track here. Um that's [ __ ] crazy. She How did she get to where she is? Like, did did this just start? Like, did she start smoking mouth or something?
>> I have no idea. But but Twitter the Twitter memes were so [ __ ] funny. It was like every format you could possibly think of being like >> like a guy whispering into another guy's ears being like, "Sir, our job applications are up 600,000%. [laughter] I bet your fish head wife doesn't have cannons like these. God, in that moment, she must have felt like God. Like she probably felt like nothing could do her wrong. Imagine being that guy and like you want a promotion and maybe he was even willing to cheat, but he had like talked himself mentally to that place and he was like, I have to do this. It's it's it's whatever. And he's like convinced himself. And then she's like, you know, he's like, I just won't think about my wife. And she's like, you're fish head wife. And he's like, all right. Wait, is that a new one? Yeah, sorry. I'm down with all this, but is that a new uh >> is that a I haven't heard that one.
>> Sorry. We've been married for 23 years and I've seen her face a lot of discrimination and never heard my personal favorite.
>> Check out these kids. Is that actually her?
>> Yeah, that's her face.
>> Oh, wow. That's crazy. Wow. They even use the AI to make the the boobs bigger in the second one.
>> Yeah, he's like AI.
>> You know, she's done that >> fish head. you know she's Asian, right?
And she's like, "No, that's for Asians."
Really?
>> Huh?
>> Huh? He goes on to Urban Dictionary to search it and she defensively created it like three [laughter] minutes before.
>> Oh, she said that uh there's a quote in the lawsuit at some point that uh it says, "Your balls don't taste like curry."
>> Oh, so [ __ ] They did [ __ ] >> Yeah, seems like it.
>> Your balls don't taste like curry. And he's like, "Huh? What did [laughter] you say?" Like, "Huh? That's CR.
>> I'm still getting the promotion, right?
>> Yeah. This is I just No offense, boss.
That was just kind of nuts.
>> Um, but then added wrinkle. Now people are alleging that it's all fake.
>> And >> the entire lawsuit is fake and it's and it's just like a fantasy by this Indian guy.
>> That would set woke back about a thousand years.
>> Yeah. And or the guy was just like cheating on his wife with this boss and uh came up with this lawsuit once it came out. So >> No, I swear I was like pressured into it. She kept calling you a um fish head.
>> Fish head. Yeah.
>> Why would he Why would she be calling me fish head?
>> She's like [ __ ] up.
>> Well, dude, it was so bad cuz she also said my balls didn't uh taste like uh curry. She said that about my balls cuz I'm Indian.
>> They find a note he scribbled with like pitch options. Your balls don't taste like paneer. Your balls [laughter] don't don't taste like masala. And he's like, it's not. No, it's a >> curry. Curry. Curry >> perfectly generic.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. That's really interesting. I mean, one often finds themselves in situations like that at work.
>> Yeah.
>> So, it's like I empathize with both parties.
>> An HR person that's got to be like, >> what is and what does fish head mean?
[laughter] >> I can write it down, but I have to know what the intent was behind that. So, they've been struggling to start their 2004 Nissan. and they're just like dreading having to go home at night and then >> they close their tie in the door every day when they like go to [laughter] work.
>> A miserable >> I just texts his wife, I just need a chill day today. Like that's all I need.
[laughter] >> Yesterday was hell. Didn't get out till 6. It's just like >> she to he like gets into the meeting.
He's like reading over this. His heart's racing. His phone buzzes from his wife.
You got it, honey. With a heart of Butchi. It's [laughter] like after you lunch, it's in your bag.
>> It's like, oh, >> thank you.
>> There's like there there's someone on my floor at work who uh will uh regularly go and get fast food for lunch, which there's nothing wrong with, but just the sight of someone eating alone in a kitchen and like the noise of like in a corporate office of like Wendy's box opening is like I genuinely think the saddest thing in in existence.
>> Yeah, that's pretty rough. I had to eat alone in high school for uh a year because I broke up with my high school girlfriend and I didn't have the same lunch as all my friends. And it doesn't matter how good of a life that you have outside of that one hour. If you have to eat alone, it is like I just think that's like the saddest.
>> You didn't make any new friends.
>> Some friends took me in, you know, under their wing. They brought me to the band room, which is of course the source of >> all all fun. I got I remember very distinctly in middle school my first day at my new school where everyone knew each other because they had all gone to elementary school together and I was sitting alone and I was kind of like you know what this is like [ __ ] sick. I'm like emo like doing my own thing [laughter] and this dude Henry turned around and was like hey man you sitting alone I was like yeah [laughter] and he was like why don't you come sit with us and all of his friends were kind of looking at him with admiration and I felt so much hate in my heart for him in that moment because it was like so nice but I was like now I'm just like indebted to you and then I had to perform for the next 30 minutes you know like oh what are you into TV like [laughter] just it It was a It was a cruel nice thing. Hey man, some of us are going to volunteer after school.
You want to come to the library with us?
>> Oh, that sounds awesome. Holy [ __ ] How long are you going to be there?
>> Oh, we're probably there for 4 hours. We help mainly children and elderly with disabilities.
>> That's awesome.
>> I [ __ ] love >> We should eat lunch together every day.
>> That'd be awesome.
>> And you guys are like the cool kids of the school.
>> We don't really like think about like stuff like that, like social >> Oh man, you guys are the losers. [ __ ] That blows.
I mean, you were eating alone, right?
>> It was actually worse than that, though, because they were the popular kids and I didn't sit with them ever again.
>> You know, >> you were the make a chance.
>> I had a chance for sure. I I didn't I couldn't figure it out. I didn't know what they liked. I was wearing plaid shorts, you know. It's just like there was doomed from the start.
>> You wore plaid I wore plaid shorts in high school. We're not so different, you and I.
>> Oh, that was middle school.
>> Oh, all right. [laughter] I wore plaid shirts with a >> She got fixed up tennis jersey. All right.
I wore plaid shorts and like a just like a graphic tea from Target.
>> I wore plaid shorts that had for the belt. It was like a loop thing that you like, you know what I mean? Like a wasn't like a like a leather belt. It was like a fabric with like latch.
>> And was your shirt tucked in?
>> Um I wore it once with a tuck striped uh polo for my tennis team.
>> Plaid with stripes?
>> Yeah.
>> That's crazy.
>> Wow, man.
>> Freshman year high school. is like an assault on the eyes.
>> Yeah, [laughter] I'll find the photo. I'll send it to you.
>> What you did is basically assault. I mean, it's Yeah, it's a fashion crime.
[laughter] >> It's a good thing. It's a good thing you're you know, not to eat cool ranching. [laughter] >> I'm telling you, what you've done for me is incredible.
>> Yeah.
>> You still got the buttonup on, though.
>> You're still rocking with it.
>> The buttonup?
>> Yeah. I mean that that's it's a holdover from that period. It seems >> the button up as a concept of like wearing a button.
>> Oh, it was a polo in your thing. Yeah, >> it was a polo.
>> Yeah.
>> Striped. Tucked.
>> Striped.
>> Striped. P >> horizontal stripes.
>> Tucked.
>> Tucked. Tucked with the fab the fabric belt that I can't picture for the life of me.
>> Latch >> with a latch with loops.
>> Fabric belt. Latch. Loops.
>> Do you not get it? piece of fabric that [laughter] you just lose >> and it goes all the way around and then I'm like literally just picturing like belt in my head still.
>> I'm picturing like a sho string at this point. [laughter] >> I like have no idea.
>> Like what's that thing called? The mathematical thing where it's like a circle that loops back in on itself.
>> A moious strip. Yeah, that's what I'm picturing.
>> See, he's finding it.
I don't know if I see the belt in the photo.
>> Belt uma photo.
>> Belt um photobomb.
>> Oh, you can't see the shirt.
>> This is the shirt though, so that doesn't really do anything. That was me freshman year.
>> Damn, you're kind of you look good in that photo.
>> I'm mogging.
>> Yeah, kind of mogging. [sighs] Kind of not. Kind of mogging. Sort of not.
What else has happened to me recently?
What else has happened in the news? I mean, we can we can keep talking about this JP Morgan exec.
>> I don't really have much else on that.
>> Really? Nothing going on for you?
>> No, on the JP Morgan thing.
>> Oh, but you have a lot going on in your like professional life.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> We're going to do that short film together. Should we practice now? I'm teaching you English.
Should I go like super offscript like super racist first take?
>> For sure.
>> I I'm teaching him uh English in a in a short that he's in. He's like the main guy and I play this. There's like a half page scene with >> Are you a bad guy or a good guy?
>> Kind of neither. I think it's like mostly just like through his eyes I'm like being annoying because I'm like, >> you know, really pressing the pronunciation. So, it's part of the assimilation >> process. You wrote a short.
>> No, it's not mine.
>> Oh, what's going on with you? You looking through notes?
>> Yeah.
>> All right. Well, let me do the same then.
>> Okay.
>> I didn't bring any notes. I'm just sort of trying to be who I am.
>> You should bring notes, man. [laughter] I'm surprised you guys didn't try to do a duo pod.
[laughter] That's sad, man.
>> No, no, no, no. I just mean like there's an opportunity there.
>> Well, it's fun to have you on sometimes and the viewers are pretty indifferent, so we figured what the [laughter] [ __ ] >> I mean, if the viewers are neutral about it, that's a win in our >> everyone [laughter] everyone's second choice. Brendan Douly Um, I have some game changers we could try.
>> Sure.
>> The two of you.
>> Sure.
>> Um, >> and I just want to say it's a safe space. You can't offend me, >> dude. Thank you for saying that.
>> Yeah.
>> Cracker.
>> [ __ ] middle of the country [ __ ] white trash.
>> Easy.
>> Yeah. Okay. Sorry.
>> Um, okay.
>> Um, >> never mind.
>> Do I like what?
>> Brendan, >> do you like knitting? [laughter] >> I'm over that, man. I got over it.
>> Have you heard about this B?
>> You could try to you could try to get me, but I'm cool with saying the N word now.
>> It's not what I'm doing.
>> I know, but you're you're getting close to it.
>> I'm cool with I'm cool with going all the way.
>> I didn't hear about this.
>> You did hear about this?
>> Why don't we all put the mics down and whisper the nword to each other?
>> I'm going to keep up my mic.
>> You broke the chain. Okay, wait. I do have one for you though, Brendan. I like sewing.
>> No, >> I like making clothes.
>> No, wait, dude. I'm I'm completely settled with this in my soul.
>> I like knitting.
>> Well, let me straight man you actually.
You like you like knitting? That's amazing.
>> Um I'm looking to rent this property from you. You're the elderly British person that owns it.
>> That's correct.
>> Yeah. Well, I'm uh a an optometrist.
>> Oh, that's amazing.
>> Yeah. Thank you.
>> It's beautiful. Are you married? I am engaged.
>> Oh, congratulations >> to my beautiful husband who's right over there.
>> Wow. Hi. Nice to meet you.
>> Nice to meet you.
>> Yay.
>> So, we're gay. Not bad on that.
>> Great. That's fine.
>> Thomas.
>> Raj.
>> This is Raj. He's a uh what's the word for it? He knits.
>> Oh, nice.
>> That's correct.
>> I'm a teacher.
>> Oh, very cool.
>> Because he teaches.
>> Very good. Very good.
>> What?
>> I'm trying to I'm trying to love you.
>> You like the apartment or [laughter] >> Yes, I like it. Raj.
>> Okay, great.
>> Are you the broker? I'm sorry.
>> No, no, no. I'm the uh owner.
>> Nice.
>> I'm going I'm renting it out. Uh in my family, we're moving upstate.
>> So, you're a landlord?
>> Yes.
>> Nice. Nice.
>> Landlord.
landlord, as the British would say.
>> As I would say, [laughter] >> hard D on the landlord.
>> Yeah, that's true. But I heard that British people can't say their T's.
>> That's That's true. Uh in certain situation situations.
>> Oh, well, yeah. I guess situations.
>> And it also depends on like your accent.
>> Yeah. Because when you say nit, you end with the hard T.
>> Nit. Yeah.
>> Like, >> you know, it's it's almost like you just just like a quick tongue touch to the roof of your mouth.
>> Nit.
>> Nit. Knit.
>> Yeah.
>> Okay, that's good. Yeah, >> that's cool.
>> Well, what' you say again that you did like with most of your time?
>> I knit. I sew. I knit. I make clothes.
>> That's cool.
>> I'm in fashion.
>> That's awesome.
>> Well, >> sure. I suppose some people like to say like that I'm an influencer.
>> Oh [laughter] yeah, >> an influencer. That's cool.
>> Or like a designer. But uh >> what do you think of yourself as?
>> I think I think I'm just a human being.
>> Okay. Well, Raj, we're going to go.
We're going to We have a lot to think about. So, we're going to go and head out.
>> Please, please. I mean, there's there is a lot of demand for this place. I'd really love it for to go to a couple of gay guys.
All right.
>> Yeah. Yeah, that sounds good.
>> To a gay couple.
>> Yep. Well, we're we're that. So, >> and I'm sure the UK has discrimination laws, so that's good to hear that you guess you're not violating them.
>> Yep.
Well, >> we'll be on our way.
>> The car's ready, so we're just going to go.
>> You all seem disappointed.
>> Nope. No, we're not disappointed. Raj, >> sorry. Car's >> Wow, you are you move quick for your age, Raj. [laughter] >> Wow. He is >> you calling an Uber. Uh, yeah. It's >> outside for us.
>> Oh, okay. Okay. Let me walk you out.
Okay.
>> It's perfectly fine, honestly.
>> No, no, it's totally all right.
>> Yep. That's okay.
>> Totally all right. Great.
>> Yeah.
>> Walking out sounds good. What can we do?
>> Do you have my sunglasses?
>> Um >> Oh, I have them. Oh, >> you left them on the island.
>> Thank you.
>> Yes. Yes, of course.
>> Thank you.
>> Huh? I don't remember you leaving them.
>> Where's the car? Um, I don't know. It's easy.
>> You said it was outside.
>> Yes. It looks like he's coming around the street because of the oneways. He had to he must have had to come.
>> It's a bit of a confusing >> Yep.
>> Yeah.
>> little streets.
>> Yeah. It's a nice neighborhood though.
So, >> thank you. Yeah.
>> Yep. Nice meeting you, Raj.
>> Yeah. Nice to meet you all.
>> Thank you.
>> Where is the uh Is he coming around though?
>> He's coming around.
>> Oh, that's No, just drove past.
>> A75.
>> A75.
>> God show you don't want to just wait inside [laughter] a bit cold outside.
>> Sorry. We're just a little skittish.
We're, you know, in a foreign country.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.
>> Just want to be safe.
>> Oh my god. He canled.
>> So, >> Raj, I think we'll just wait out here and we'll be in touch.
>> No, I can wait. I can wait.
>> No, Raj.
>> Thank you.
>> I can tell you about the neighborhood.
>> Oh, sure. Yeah.
>> Yeah. Yeah. The the family across the street. They're they're lovely. Lovely family. two young kids. Um, they go to middle and high school, uh, a couple streets down. So, the schools were on walking distance. I don't know if you or you two are thinking about kids or anything. I I don't want to [snorts] [laughter] >> I'm sure you can think about it, but uh, the parents are lovely. They they work in government jobs.
>> Oh, nice.
>> Yeah. Yeah. And on the right, um, it's a black family.
>> Cool.
>> Yep. So the first family they're white then the first family is white.
>> Uh no they're Indian actually.
>> Oh >> yeah.
>> Interesting.
>> Is it >> I guess I don't mention that because like to me that's like regular.
>> Yeah.
>> But the that family is black family. No kids. Uh uh it's just a couple and their their parents stay with them.
>> Oh that's that's beautiful. Sounds like a fair.
>> This side is a white family. So, we've got we've really got like a very diverse >> That sounds amazing. I mean, we love that obviously from New York, so >> we're used to that kind of thing.
>> Good. Good stuff, Rush.
>> Beautiful.
>> Um, you'll have to send me your knitting page.
>> Totally. Totally.
>> Okay, Raj, [laughter] >> you know what? I'm going to call a lift.
>> Well, don't call a lift because I just paid for it.
>> You want me to drive you home?
>> Definitely. Nope. Thank you.
>> Definitely. Which which part?
>> Where are you staying at?
>> We're in um We're in like the south.
>> Okay. Yeah, I'm heading over there to to do some errands anyway.
>> It's directions confused. We're in the north.
>> Oh. Oh, that's right.
>> That's okay. I could do my I could [laughter] do my groceries in the north, too.
>> Yeah. I don't know, Raj. Um >> yeah, I think we got it from here. But thank you, Raj.
>> We really don't want to keep you waiting or you should go get >> Did that one just cancel? Is it Are you guys uncomfortable around me?
>> I wouldn't say I'm unc No. No.
>> You guys uncomfortable.
>> Like I said, we're just in a foreign country and >> I'm a Well, you're Indian.
>> Yeah. Oh, it's because I'm Indian.
>> Oh. Oh. Oh. I thought you said I I Sorry. I my heart skipped a beat because I thought you said something else.
>> Oh, >> what what else would I be saying?
>> You were talking about my website >> and how I was selling and stuff.
>> No, I there's no we have no bias.
>> You kept emphasizing like like you never even brought up that I was Indian once.
So, I assumed it wasn't because of that.
You just kept bringing up that I made clothes and that I knit and sew and >> No. No. I have no problem with you being uh doing that. Um I I or being Indian.
It has nothing to do with um You know what? We'll take that ride.
>> We trust him.
>> We do.
>> Cuz you're not racist. You're not racist.
>> No.
>> So we don't need to take a ride.
>> Oh, I had no idea this I had no idea this had anything to do with race.
>> No, it doesn't. That's the point.
>> Oh, okay. No, >> I don't think we need to take a ride to prove that we're not racist, right? So, >> I think we can just wait for the Uber.
>> Well, you kind of you have to you Racism is a state of being. You have to constantly prove that you're not racist.
You don't have to constantly prove that you're not racist.
>> Yeah, you do.
>> You just have to like learn how to tell what is racist and thought and what is like logical.
>> Oh, and you've done that. I'm working on it. Okay.
>> How?
>> We'll take that ride.
>> Oh, sure.
>> We can get rid here. I don't know if if you want to one of you wants to sit in the front.
>> I think we can both sit in the back probably.
>> Yeah, just more comfort.
>> If I can be so honest, don't love doing that especially as a brown man just because I get confused for like Uber.
>> Of course, I dropped you off.
>> Take the front because I get car sick more easily. So, >> I'll take the front.
>> Sounds good.
>> That sounds great. Does it?
>> Yeah. Okay. So, you knit. I mean, I'm I'm fascinated by that. I have no prejudices against >> I'm a bit of a knit.
>> It's just like, you know, that when you >> There we go again.
>> I don't Yeah, that's just it.
>> I don't know if they have Do they have that word?
>> They have to know what it means.
>> What word? It just sounds like to me and maybe this is whiteness supreme, but >> it sounds a little bit like say >> honey, >> what did you just say? Did >> you say whiteness supreme?
>> No, like like the like white supremacy like an influence.
>> Did you say whiteness supreme?
>> Well, you're the one who keeps almost saying the n word.
>> Yeah, there there's literally people are coming over to the car from outside the street. [laughter] >> Oh, who the [ __ ] is that? What do you mean almost saying the n word?
>> Uh, Raj, who are these people that are coming around the car?
>> Don't worry about it. Answer my questions and then >> Well, you keep saying n but you're saying it without saying the T's cuz you're British.
>> Because of my accent.
>> I know that's But it sounds like it. But you can forgive us for thinking that.
>> Us. I don't want >> How does it sound like it? I'm not even saying G's.
>> What?
>> I'm not saying a G sound. I suppose it would sound different if you were British and saying the N word.
>> Yeah, it would be.
>> But you have to know it sounds close. I mean, you're not a [ __ ] Raj.
>> Like if I said the word like bigger, right?
>> Yeah.
>> It sounds completely different from me.
>> I know. But it's You hear the similarity though, right?
>> It sounds like I'm saying the word, but it's getting censored. That's what it sounds like.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Exactly.
>> But so it doesn't even sound like the word. is the word was censored.
>> Yeah, that's more similar than most utterances.
That was fine. Okay.
>> No, Raj, I didn't mean to upset you that. God, there are a lot of people around the car.
>> They're not self.
>> Well, I'm I'm calling myself it. So, it's like >> you you're what?
>> I'm calling myself it.
>> Calling Oh, calling yourself it.
>> Yeah. Uh, I mean, you still can't I can't call myself different slurs, right? I can't I should just shouldn't be saying them. So, >> well, you're you're like fully white, so >> Yeah, we're whiteness supreme apparently.
>> No, that's not what I meant.
>> I still don't really know what that meant either. It's not what it's not a [ __ ] taco. All right. It's it's it's it's >> whiteness but with like >> You're just trying to get the upper hand now.
>> Upper hand. Why am I always against you in every situation?
>> I don't know. I don't know.
>> I'm not against you is what I'm saying.
Whiteness Supreme. What's that? Like white but with a little like pico and sour cream.
>> I feel like you guys are being exceptionally difficult. There's like hundreds of thousands of people around the car. Like hundreds of thousands.
>> I stopped looking a while ago when you said >> they will leave if you just answer my questions.
>> Okay.
>> What is whiteness supreme?
>> It was a mis I misspoke. I didn't mean to say whiteness supreme.
Oh, >> so you misspoke and yet you decided to deflect it to my accent.
>> Well, it sounds whatever. It sounds like this is me being a white guy and I have to learn how to be okay with being uncomfortable and whatever the [ __ ] But we can just wipe the slate clean.
>> Hold on.
We haven't asked the question.
>> What?
We talked about you being Indian. We talked about you being someone who knits. We didn't talk about us being gay. Are you cool with that?
>> We It did come up.
>> I was like, >> we [clears throat] didn't hear if he thought it was okay, though.
>> Hey, Denny said he wants a gay couple moving in.
>> That's weird.
>> Dude, you're so off base. Like, I love you, but like you're so consistently like in a different room from what we're talking about, and it's just like so frustrating.
>> Like, that was like the first thing that we addressed. If we if if we can't like misspeak or misar things and we always have to be understanding where things are, then how come you can be weirdly into us being gay?
>> It's a two-way street. And whether you're driving on the left side of the road or the right, it doesn't make any sense.
>> Wow, that was actually really good.
>> Thank you. I love you. Well, it's not like you were you two were like too into me being a knitter.
It's not the problem.
>> No, I'm the regular amount of interested in your knitting, >> right?
>> So, I feel like I don't understand.
>> Can you Can we move? Can we keep driving?
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, people just all left at once. Jesus Christ.
>> I've never seen that many people.
>> I don't want to sound racist. I do think this guy has magical powers.
>> Yeah, I I agree. I agree.
>> Do you have magical powers? I do.
[laughter] >> So stupid.
>> Okay, now I have a game changers for you.
>> Ow.
>> Ow. Costello.
>> Uh, we tried to put Costello in your spot when me and Ethan recorded and he left within like 3 seconds. [laughter] >> We brought him his pillow, his bed, and everything.
>> Where did this go? Oh, Brendan.
>> Yeah.
>> Oh my god. Do you have my cells? Sorry.
>> Oh, yeah. It's in the fridge.
But give me one Sipski.
>> Wait, can I can I have an can I put you idea for a name for a guy who brings you uh uh one of those whenever you want?
>> Is it still filming?
>> Self service.
>> No, >> it's not good.
>> Yep.
Okay, Brendan, you're being grilled by a CNN interviewer about why you went to Epstein's Island, but you genuinely looked overlooked all the abuse because they had bottomless margs.
So, you're the interviewer.
>> Wait, >> um, no. Yeah, I can. Uh, you're being Brendan, you're being grilled by a CNN interviewer about why you went to Epstein's Island, but you genuinely overlooked all the abuse because they had bottomless margs. And Brendan's playing himself.
>> He's like a Yeah. Like a a billionaire went to the island.
[cough] [clears throat] >> Hi, this is Fared Zakaria for CNN.
>> Welcome to my show.
>> Thanks. Thanks for having me on, Fred.
>> Uh, thank you.
>> Thank you again for for um reaching out.
>> Of course. I just want to set the record straight. There's just been a lot in the news. So, >> yeah. I mean, you're you're one of the few people whose names have been uh listed in the Epstein files >> uh who has uh actually reached out to us uh on your own behalf and and wanted to >> That says a lot, right?
>> It It does say a lot. It does say a lot.
Yeah.
>> And and I'm really looking forward to a hopefully productive conversation that that reveals some valuable information for the public.
>> Me as well. Me as well. So ask away, Fared, because I am an open book.
So, I'm I'm wondering I guess my first question is how did you first meet Jeffrey?
>> Jeffrey? Yeah. Um, honestly, like through just business connections, like he was doing a lot of stuff with some banks that I was involved with. But, uh, you know, when I heard about Jeff's, uh, specials and like honestly just like the benefits of of the resort there, I think that kind of to me like was like, you know, lights up like something's going on here. And >> Right. Right. So, that set off the alarms in your head.
>> Yeah, for sure. Because, you know, honestly, most places that you look, it's like $18, $19, $20 for a margarita.
And it's like it's literally just like a little bit of simple and lime juice and some tequila. So like why am I paying $20 after tip, you know, 25 after tip honestly, you know, tip 20%. Like why am I paying $25 per marg?
>> Can we take this back like two two steps? I feel like I I might have missed a connection or something.
>> Yeah.
So, you heard about these uh parties that were happening on on Jeffrey Epstein's island?
>> Of course. Jeff.
>> Yeah.
>> So, you heard that they were open bar and that's why you were you were going >> 100%. I didn't meet most of the people at those. And what the little fragments that I do remember from them are mostly in morning at the in the morning the next day. All right.
Do you understand what I'm saying to you?
>> No.
>> Wipe the smug look off your face. free.
>> No, I'm free. Yes. Yes, I understand. I guess uh I guess my question is I mean being a billionaire, you would think that $20 marks wouldn't really >> wouldn't really be a big impact.
>> Every time I see the menu at a restaurant at a different place, I immediately look to the price. It's right next to the thing that you're ordering.
>> So, why am I gonna let that happen?
>> Structured.
>> What? Say that again.
>> Why am I going to let that happen to me every time? Well, because uh food costs money, Brenda, >> not on the island, dude.
>> Fared, um, sorry, these photos just came in. Uh, these are photos of Prince Andrew uh, canoodling with Virginia Jeffrey in the pool. And in the background, you can see Mr. Douly here, um, with what appears to be a yard margarita.
>> Mr. Douly, uh, we recently got these photos.
Yes, this looks like it was the yard marg, >> right?
>> That was a >> But I I do want >> mango flavored.
>> I I do want to direct your attention.
>> Strawberry salt rim.
>> Uh Mr. Dulie, Mr. Dulie >> right here. This is going to go ahead and be This is just regular lime. I did a sugar rim on that one and they used sort of like a It had like a champagne float in the top.
>> Yes, that's good. Mr. Douly, in the first photo, I really want to take want to have you take a closer look. Do you see anything unusual happening in the foreground? Maybe something explicit explicit.
>> Um, honestly, Jeff is has a has no rim on the glass and usually he did salt. So, I think that that jumps to me.
>> So, you're telling me see Prince Andrew?
>> Um, clearly.
>> Is that who this guy is? [laughter] >> Yes. That's That's >> That looks like a kid.
>> [laughter] >> That's horrible.
>> Yes, that's horrible.
>> That's why you're on the program, Mr. Douly.
>> Wow.
>> Why did you reach out to us if you didn't know about what was happening? [laughter] >> Honestly, I just I heard a good deal and I thought that I should talk about it more.
>> So, you came on this program. I [laughter] just want to get this straight.
You came on this program >> to let the viewers know.
>> Yes.
>> To go to Jeffrey Epstein's Island. Yeah.
>> For the free marks.
>> If you can get a ticket there, it's incredibly incredibly worth it.
>> I paid $1,200 for my ticket round trip.
>> I walked home. About $4,000 worth of margaritas had been inside me throughout from that whole trip.
>> I I do also want to be >> Mr. Dilly, you were there for 48 hours.
[laughter] >> Well, not only that. I I do want to be clear that not anyone can just charter a flight to this island. It's it's not uh easily accessible.
>> It's not easily accessible, but honestly, I mean, neither like it's not easily accessible to get to a happy hour, right? You have to have the privilege that easy, Mr. [laughter] Douly. We're in New York City right now.
>> Yes. So, we all have a job where we're just off work at like 4:00 on a weekday every day.
>> No, Mr. Douly, you're a billionaire. You can go at 8:00 p.m. and pay $20 for a margarita. I don't think that's so hard.
>> So, the rest of us are just supposed to pay $25 a margarita, and that's okay.
And that's okay. That's something we can all spend. But the second you want to go to a place with free margaritas, then you're the bad guy.
>> That's the reason you're a bad guy is cuz you seem to based on the pictures, you seem to have been witnessed to uh horrifying crimes against children.
and you did not speak up until pictures of you involved were released.
Was this a secret you were willing to keep in order to maintain your free flow of margaritas?
I think that's the question the public wants to know.
>> Yes.
>> Can you repeat my question as a statement, Mr. Douly?
>> I would do it again for the Marus. Yes.
You would keep organizationwide sexual abuse of children a secret in exchange for free margaritas.
>> Guess I would do it for free marks.
>> Two years later, Brendan Douly was elected president. [laughter] >> That was great.
>> Uh yeah, point to Brendan.
>> Who's the point keeper? There's it doesn't >> doesn't >> whatever.
>> Um >> Ethan and I did duo once >> and he we'd be in it >> if you pitch your own >> and then he would be the point master also.
>> Oh, okay. Good. Yeah. Point to me. Um okay, I have some other ones.
Uh, Akos, you're an anxious liberal trying to make amends after you called your black coworker by your other black coworker's name.
Oh, no. Sorry. Uh, I'm Brian.
This is Dave. What's up?
>> No. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry. Sorry about that.
>> No, it's it's all good, man. We get it a lot. So yeah, I don't really think we look alike, but >> No, not really. Completely different hair.
>> I mean, like it like you don't look alike because you're black.
>> No, no, I know.
>> What are you What are you doing, man?
>> I just mean like like even removing blackness from if I removing blackness from both of you, you would still look similar. I think >> different haircuts. I mean he, you know, we one of us wears glasses, the other one doesn't. Like if we have style, >> he's like three inches taller than me.
>> Three inches is so imperceptible to the human eye. A lot of people know that.
>> I don't think that's true, man.
>> It's like the taller taller you are, the less an inch is perceptible. Like for me, 5'9, 56 is like the exact same thing because I'm 63.
>> Okay. But facially, we don't really look anything. It's okay if you messed up. I think you guys look pretty similar.
>> One of us has a beard.
>> So, >> see, like you you're naming things that can change. Your hairstyle that changes.
Your facial hair level that changes.
>> Ah, blackness doesn't change.
>> Yeah.
>> Right. That's what you're saying.
>> How are you going to remove the blackness from us? And how would we still look similar? We don't.
>> I I'm saying if I remove the blackness from each of you, I think you would still look alike. I don't think it I don't think I think you guys look similar because you're black.
>> You don't have to defend it. You can say that you made a mistake.
>> It's fine. Like it happens all the time.
>> Yeah, but like the other incidents where that happens is like racist.
>> This is honestly by far the most racist encounter we've had so far.
>> That's insane. I'm not even white.
>> No, >> it doesn't matter. You confused two black people. I'm a person of color.
>> Shout out that. But you confused us.
>> Like we're all We're You know what I mean? We're all the same.
>> What? What does that mean?
>> We're all We're all in the same boat.
>> Yeah. We're people of color. So all the more offensive that you called mixed us up. How is it more offensive if we're in the group?
>> It's not one group. We're not friends.
We don't know each other.
>> That's like saying that'd be more offensive that a black dude said the N word. That doesn't make any sense.
>> No, it's not like saying that. It's exactly like saying that. This is be like it was a simple mistake and now it's becoming like a pretty clear-cut HR violation.
>> What?
>> What did I do?
>> You have to lower your voice. We're in the break room.
>> God, don't cry. Your eyes are watering.
This shit's like I think you guys look alike if I removed your blackness. Why is that so removing our blackness?
>> Because I don't Because I don't think you look alike because you're black.
That's what I'm trying to say. Okay.
>> What the features do you think that we have that make us look alike?
>> [snorts] >> No, come on. Say it. We're different heights.
>> Yeah, but little. Yeah, sure. You guys have the same nose.
>> Dude, the point is we've told you who we are. We're separate people. What's my name?
>> Brian.
>> Good. All right. And his Don't look at him.
>> Don't look at me. Your eyes are darting between us. We don't look anything alike.
>> Brian.
>> No. He see he still thinks of us as the same person.
>> Dave.
>> It's Dave.
>> You said Grrian. Like that was even a name.
>> That was I was close though.
>> No. To what?
>> To Dave.
>> There's not even like similar letters in those two. There's one letter that overlaps.
>> I said dry.
>> Grian.
>> No, I said dry.
>> You did not say dry.
>> I said dry.
>> No, >> you said gran. I said dry cuz I remembered the D.
>> No, you didn't. You Whatever, man.
>> I'll see you later, Raj.
>> You guys listen to the new Isaiah Rashad album?
>> No.
>> Oh, okay. It rips. [laughter] The [ __ ] dude?
>> What?
>> We're literally all people of We're all PC. What the [ __ ] >> That doesn't mean anything. I mean, >> it's not.
>> What do you mean? It's I thought that meant a lot.
>> Should we get HR involved?
>> Are you guys like self-hating or something?
>> What's the HR guys?
>> You guys hate each other. You guys hate yourself because you're black.
>> HR guy name.
>> Yeah.
>> Are you guys like the type of black people that like grew up in a white neighborhood, so you hate being black?
>> Yeah.
What's the HR guy's name? The Asian guy.
>> Uh, >> Mike Sha Woo.
>> Shan Woo.
Thought it was Mike.
>> I think that's just the way he says that so it's easier. Oh, but I have the right guy.
>> Good.
>> Nice.
>> Dodged a bullet there.
>> Yeah, it's hard to tell the Asians apart for real.
Anyways, I'm gonna go [ __ ] my boss.
[laughter] >> Well, I'm not Asian.
>> No, I know.
>> So, I'm down for that.
>> Oh, you're chill with that?
>> Yeah.
>> Oh, okay. Cool.
>> I guess we are all PC are like we all are one people.
>> Should we do the handshake?
>> P.
[laughter] And if you have enough of them, a beam lights in between where all the hands meet and it shoots into the sky and uh connects you with, you know, whatever is going on. [laughter] >> It connects you with whatever's going on.
>> Okay, I have uh one more. Should we do one more? How long have we been going?
>> I mean, we should do it either way, but >> about like an hour.
>> Okay.
>> About like an hour. So, Brendan, >> you donate to a trans person's top surgery gofundme and they publicly thank almost everyone but you. You run into them.
>> Do you want to do it?
>> Okay, >> you you do it.
>> Hey, Instagram. Uh, I just want to say thank you so much for the support. It has really helped me a lot. I have finally gotten top surgery. Um, and and I finally feel like the person I'm supposed to be. And this is all thanks to you guys. So, I just want to shout out everyone that donated to me. I want to shout out um Oscar Landry, Ethan St. Germaine, Akash Quesaru, um, >> uh, Philip Markle, uh, Carly Land, >> Noah Rosenberg, >> Olivia Murphy.
>> What order is this in? Levi, excuse me, Collins.
>> What order? What order is this in? Is there a particular order this?
>> Oh, there's a comment on my Instagram live.
>> Just wondering what order it is.
>> What order? I'm just I'm just reading the the names on the GoFundMe list.
>> Okay. Well, it's not alphabetical. We know that so far. And we know it's not dollar amount. We know that so far because there's no way that I gave [ __ ] less than Oscar or Ethan.
>> Uh yeah.
>> How much did they give? [laughter] I so I'm not going to say how much anybody individually gave. I just want to say that we reached the goal of how much money I need.
>> And who whose credit is that?
>> I'm really happy for you by the way.
>> Bing bing. Request to go live. Brendan Douly is requesting to join your live.
>> I'm okay for now. Brendan um >> request again. [laughter] >> Ding ding ding. [sighs] Okay.
>> What's up? Hey, I just want to jump in and say congratulations.
>> Thank you.
>> We're really all just so happy for you that you're going to get this procedure and I know how important this is to to you like fully fully recognizing like who you are and the person you've always been.
>> Thank you so much.
>> Yeah, of course. I donated right away when I saw the post. Then I actually donated a second time just now. So >> Oh, okay. Cool.
>> I know you already hit the goal, but I just figured like recovery and whatever you need right now. Like I don't know how many viewers are there.
>> It's like 20.
>> Yeah. Okay. Just whatever you need right now, honestly.
>> That's that's really kind of you. Thank you so much.
>> I donated right away. So yeah, I don't want to interrupt though. You were just thanking people who donated.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Yep.
>> So >> you just said Philip Markle.
So >> no, actually I ended on Levi Collins if you're watching.
>> So you said Levi last. All right. You can keep going. Uh, I think I'll just I'm just gonna wrap up there actually >> with Levi. I mean, there's probably a lot of people who donated.
>> That's actually the whole list. It's my It's the whole list.
>> That's the whole list. That can't be true.
>> What?
What you're saying is a lie.
>> What do you mean comment? What's going on?
Uh we're all just really happy for um for our friend here who just afforded top surgery. No thanks to all of us who donated uh from the community. So that's really what we're talking about here.
But can't be the full list, right?
Because you didn't say my name. So well I didn't say because you're on the call and I thanked you like in front like you're the only person I'm thanking uh to their face.
$120.
>> Okay, I'm I'm gonna end this now.
>> Don't end it. Don't end it. We're so happy for you.
>> I didn't want my friends and and and people to to donate so that they could brag about >> No, it's not bragging. It's not bragging.
>> Feels like you only donated it so that you could tell everyone.
>> I had no idea you were going to do this thank you video. So, when I saw the notification, I jumped. I literally jumped out of my seat to watch it.
>> Brandon's camera setup falls down and it shows that he's wearing a MAGA hat.
>> Oh [ __ ] Um, just hang on.
>> Let me just This Why?
Like, even if you were a Trump supporter, why would you put it on for this call?
>> I didn't put it on for the call. Like, wouldn't you take it off for this call just to at least keep up appearances?
>> I I didn't know this.
>> Feels like some weird like sick fetish to get be caught >> like you wanted you wanted a bunch of woke people to catch you being >> When is the procedure? Do you have it scheduled?
>> Yeah, I do.
Actually, I think at the beginning of this I said I had already done it.
>> I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's just so hard to keep on up with the news with everything that's going on right now and just like the war. And >> which war?
>> Which war?
>> Which war is keeping you up at night and making it hard to keep up with the news?
>> I mean, your war right now that you're going through?
>> My war?
>> Yes.
>> Okay.
>> I burst in through a door in the background of Brendan's live with a six-year-old child and I fling the child at the floor. Pick your son up or we're gonna have A PROBLEM.
>> GET OUT. GET OUT. I'M on TV right now.
>> [ __ ] you. You're not on TV. That's a phone.
>> Shut the [ __ ] up.
>> [ __ ] you.
>> This is my day.
>> Miles, get up. Stop crying.
>> Miles, stop it. Knock it off.
>> Ending live.
>> Door slam.
>> Hey, just commenting on here because not sure who all saw from who was watching the live, but some other people donated and just really wanted to set the record straight. Heart emoji. So happy for you.
>> Comment.
Some of my comments before in this post were getting deleted. Not sure what was happening there. Probably censorship.
Lol. Facebook lol. But honestly, just rooting for the best for you and your recovery and wishing you a speedy recovery from your process.
>> Reply. Thanks so much.
Exclamation point >> for what? Exclamation point.
>> Delete comment.
>> Brendan Douly would like to send you a message. [laughter] Okay. No points at all. None. None given to any of you at all.
Um Oh, I do have one more for you if you want to do it.
>> Okay.
Uh actually, you read the first one and say Akash, you are whatever.
>> Yeah.
>> What do you mean the first one?
>> Number one.
>> Oh.
Um >> uh and say gay instead.
>> Okay. Um >> Akos, your friend comes out to you as gay, but you get an email inviting you to perform in the Tonight Show.
>> Um hey, thanks for coming over. Um maybe I'm being a little extra, but that's something I wanted to share with you.
>> Yeah, I'm always here for you, man.
>> And um thanks. Yeah. Uh, I don't know why >> anything good with Addie.
>> No, Addy and I actually we broke up. I I broke up with her.
>> Oh my god.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm so sorry.
>> No, it's okay. It was >> I really thought you guys were going to do the make it make it all the way.
>> Yeah. Well, that's sort of what I have to tell you about.
>> I came to a couple of realizations um recently. Some pretty big life stuff.
I know nothing's going on really for us in so long, but I have some important developments I'd like to talk about.
>> Email reads, "Please confirm in the next 25 minutes if you're available."
>> Addy and I are all good. We're going to stay friends. Um, we might try to find a two-bedroom and try to co-parent Costello. But the reason I had to break up with her is because I realized that I'm gay.
>> Oh my god. What are you doing?
>> Email says, "Please attach a most recent headsh shot in a paragraph blurb about your recent performances."
>> I just if we could stay off our phones and I know it's probably sounds silly, but I just really want to share this moment with you.
>> Then pull your hand out.
>> Okay. Um, do you have anything to say or Yeah, that's so insane.
>> Insane?
What do you mean it's insane? I It's not I feel like the signs are there. I mean, I'm >> Wow. That's just such a callous thing to say.
>> Sorry, I I didn't mean it like that. I meant it's >> awesome.
>> Thanks. Yeah, sorry. That just threw me off a little bit. But um I really want you to know that that uh I don't want anything to change in our relationship. Like god forbid like we couldn't just be the same old aos and Oscar that we've always been.
Like I don't want the podcast to Hey, are you on your phone again?
>> No.
>> I I mean unless it's an emergency, man, I just would really appreciate that you were here. Like if it's like some [ __ ] person trying to book you on a show, like they can wait. Okay.
like any show.
>> Yeah. I mean, I I wish that our friendship meant to you as much as any show. I thought it did.
>> It does. It does, man. Sorry.
>> All right. Thanks. I just, you know, it's a big thing and I'm scared. Even though I know everyone here is liberal and woke, I just >> Can we take a picture together?
>> You want to take a photo with me right after I've come out to you?
>> Yeah. Yeah, I really want to com memorate this moment.
>> Um, sure, man.
I'm not in it.
>> You have to >> No, that's just my shoulder.
>> Yep. That I'm still You gota >> You just have to pin >> What are you doing?
Do you just want a photo?
>> Yeah. Could you take a picture?
>> Honestly, I'm going to stand my ground here. No, man. I'm I'm trying to have like a moment with you and it just is disappointing that you don't want to be here for it.
>> Okay. Sorry. That's okay. That photo I think is >> What's going on in your phone?
>> Nothing.
Whatever, dude. Just never mind.
>> Akosh gets a text says, "Please give us a call right now and let us know what your rider is."
>> Wait, so you're gay now, right?
>> What? Yes. I've always been gay.
>> I could get you a ticket to the Tonight Show and Lady Gaga is performing.
I mean, I'm not going to say like no, but what does that have to do with this?
>> Lady Gaga?
>> What? I still like the same music I liked before. It's not like I You just become gay and you're into Lady Gaga. I mean, I her music has been sounding good recently, but I thought that that was just me listening to it more.
>> Also, I'm on the >> like your music more. What?
I got asked to do stand up on the Tonight Show, same day Lady Gaga is.
>> Why didn't you say that, dude? That's awesome.
>> Thank you.
>> But if I could, my dad was kind of hard on me when I told him you could just stay locked into this moment for a sec.
>> Sure. And uh I don't know. Like he's he was generally cool with it, but I uh Why are you moving your hand when I when I move to look at it? I see your phone underneath. What are you doing?
>> Yeah, it's underneath my leg. It's like >> I mean, if you need to like send a quick email or something, just let me know and keep talking about it.
>> I know. I'm so I'm just locked in.
>> I can tell [laughter] you're your eyes are like glazed over.
>> What are you talking about?
>> Are you looking at your phone out of the corner of your eye?
>> No. One of your eyes is looking at me and the other one's like down in the corner.
>> You know I have a lazy eye.
>> Never before today.
How do you How are you doing that?
>> All right, man.
>> Wait, wait, wait. Move your head like a little bit that way. Okay. And turn your head to the right. A perfect right there. Okay. Now go.
>> You're using the reflection of my glasses to look [laughter] at your phone.
>> You have to call point.
>> Oh, >> you're the point master. Oh, point master. Uh, point for uh Oh gosh. Um, that's it.
>> Well done, lads.
>> I like the glass.
>> Well done. Well done.
>> Point for Oscar for recognizing the glasses moment.
>> Point for Scott.
>> Nice respect. You're You're the most generous point master yet.
>> That was only my one point given though.
In other ways, I'm actually the most fiscally conservative with my points.
>> Fiscally fiscally conservative.
I'm uh socially a liberal, but I'm fiscally racist.
I >> think money should be allotted by race.
>> Socially woke. Fiscally edgy.
>> Socially woke. Fiscally edgy. That sounds good.
>> That sounds like the name of a magazine.
>> Fiscally edgy.
>> We could start a magazine.
>> That'd be awesome.
>> Dude, people listen to this podcast because they feel like they can get billion dollar ideas out of it. Is that why?
>> Wait, real quick. Can we have a quick funding uh founder round real quick?
Like Silicon Valley thing where we come up with the next big thing?
>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
>> Everyone gets one idea and we do it in a row. Okay. You start.
>> Um it's a house, but um it it can it can go up.
>> Okay.
>> Build on that.
>> Wait, no. Build on that.
>> It's a big idea. I would rather nobody touches.
>> Okay, cool.
>> My uh billion dollar idea is that uh you add a section on Uber for trucks for when you need to like move [ __ ] like couches and >> Okay, that's good.
>> And [ __ ] Um >> that's good.
>> And also, uh you can also there's a one for Uber Premium where you can pick the race of your driver. That's kind of I'm into that though. Um, I'm gonna create a gene that plays videos on the back of it. Like the like on an airplane. So when you're standing behind someone in line, you can watch a movie.
>> Kind of like has a controller, too. You can pull out.
>> Yeah. And a little little tray that you can pull down to put your drink on.
>> All on the ass.
>> It's like 80 80% of the time it's broken.
>> Yeah. [laughter] >> So you can't like >> But the selection's pretty decent, honestly. on their like side on their hip. They have a little strap thing where it has like a bag of headphones that you can >> Yeah, exactly.
>> I like that.
>> That's my idea. We could have Claude code that in like four hours.
>> 100%. That's so so doable.
>> Uh it should be juicy, but it should be in uh inside of battery like juicy like >> like a battery pack.
>> Oh, instead of juicy, it says the battery percentage.
>> Oh, >> yeah. In the font.
old English font.
>> Oh, that's [ __ ] brilliant.
>> Yeah, >> honestly.
>> Thank you, dude.
>> No.
>> No. Thank you, dude.
>> Thank you, dude.
>> When I played basketball with the comedians this morning, they we finished. I I left before everyone else and I heard these uh two this black dude talking to these two young black kids and they he kept saying they play so unseasoned about us.
>> Wow. white.
>> Yeah, I know. But just I I just think that goes to show like when people say white people have it really easy in society. Like black people, no shade kind of hard on us.
Like no shade, just spilling tea. Other races are hard on you if you're white.
Thoughts?
I can get behind it. I like like showing [laughter] >> what would the Mayflower called? Uh what would the Mayflower have been called if it was a different race that arrived first than white people?
>> Whoa.
>> Probably something in a different language.
>> Exactly. Yeah. Why don't you riff off a couple of different language bables? Um uh not a race of people, but I'll tell you what, if that thing arrived and it was all vegetarians, the damn thing would have been called the cauliflower.
I think my mic stopped working. Oh gosh.
We can hear you in real life. [ __ ] >> the cauliflower. They were going to say >> weren't actually called the Mayflower.
>> [ __ ] Yeah.
>> Three of them. Yeah.
>> Why is it like English?
>> Cuz they were English at Plymouth Rock.
>> Oh, they weren't Spanish.
>> No, that was the the Santa Maria, >> right?
>> With Kristoff Colom.
>> Kristoff Colom. He's one of them ones, man. Bad guy.
>> Founder of the coffee place.
>> Uh, Coline Coffee, what's it called?
>> No, that's where the shooting happened.
>> That's what my coworker always calls it, so it's lodged in my mind. Coline coffee.
>> What's it? La Colom.
>> La Coline.
>> La Coline.
>> Wait, there was a shooting.
>> La Colin. [laughter] >> La Colin.
>> Oh, >> Coline.
>> I'm eight steps behind it. I thought >> there was a shooting at a La Colom.
[laughter] >> Yeah. In like 2001 there. When was it?
>> 1999, I think.
>> 1999. [ __ ] >> It was on 420, right?
>> Really? Oh, yeah, it was.
>> Yeah, because that's also Hitler's birthday to Earth Day or whatever.
>> And it's also the [ __ ] stoner holiday.
>> The [ __ ] disgusting lazy stoner >> [ __ ] hippie pig.
>> Have you ever smoke weed on the bud?
>> Yes.
>> Yeah.
>> Wow.
>> Then we had to stop cuz Oscar's mom got angry.
>> Yeah. And it's tough episodes.
>> Yeah, she does. It's just tough being like a 27 year old son because like you're still so much like under your parents' control, you know, and like can't do what you want to all the time.
Like you're still like very much like a kid. Like I'm a I'm a badass kid, honestly.
>> 27, baby. You're 25?
>> Yeah.
>> About to be 26. No, >> I thought you just turned 28.
>> 27.
>> Yeah. 25. About to be 26.
>> 25.
>> You're 29.
>> 29. What are you doing for the big three 0?
>> Kill myself.
>> Oh yeah, >> that's good.
>> I'm live on the pod.
>> Dude, you honestly bring a lot to the pod so it would be hard to continue. But the >> I'm doing it so that you guys have a little bit of a nest egg.
>> Like Ethan should kill himself.
[laughter] >> Ethan, this one's going out to you.
>> I can kill myself. One of us should do it on the pod. It'd be lit.
>> I would be. That would be good.
>> Yeah, all three of us would be legendary.
>> Where does the money go? Brendan and Carly Lant come in [laughter] >> and Ivy Woke.
>> Yeah, >> that we should the three of us should host a rival episode once.
>> Yeah. Well, we've we've often talked about doing the gender swapped episode where we get three women of our exact races to uh do an episode as us >> and we always get stuck on who is uh half black.
>> Do we know any half black women in comedy? My Rudolph.
>> That's all I got. It'd be so funny if it was uh Ivy Woke or and then Maya Rudolph. And then who would who would be it who would be the Indian woman?
>> D Mindy Mindy Kaling.
>> Minding [laughter] brown face.
>> I would pay her so much money to do that.
>> Yeah. Well, >> unfort we still have to get through what she recommended us. though. [laughter] >> Have you talked about >> We have to cut that.
>> Do we?
>> I think we haven't talked about >> I think I've talked about it before.
>> I think we have.
>> We definitely talked about it on a Patreon. We went fully We like read the email on a Patreon.
>> I think we cut it. But yeah, but this I don't know if it's Patreon or not.
>> Oh. Oh, >> you guys should do a big symbol when you cut something so it helps Ethan's editing.
The first couple episodes when we'd bleep something, it was like 10 times louder than the rest of the pod and it was like ear piercing.
>> I think you should do a uh Hitler salute. When you want to cut something, you should just stand up and do it so Ethan can find it in the timeline really quickly and knows that you should cut it.
>> Brendan and I and Ethan had worked on a sketch a few years ago about a dude who like accidentally farts in a in a meeting with like his co-workers and then he stands up and like it kind of goes silent and then he stands up and hails Hitler and then sits back down.
Everyone's like, "Whoa, what the fuck?"
And he's like, "What?" They're like, "You can't do that. That was horrible."
And he was like, "Do what?" [laughter] And they're like, "You hailed Hitler."
He's like, "So you don't even remember that I farted." That's like how he gets out of like minor faux pauses by saluting Hitler.
>> But then someone else in the room like knocked over a water or something and then they did.
>> Oh, it was like Yeah. Then someone just like spilled like purposefully knocked over their water glass and they're like, "I have child porn on my computer."
[laughter] It went around. They just all had horrible things.
>> It's hard to escalate from a Nazi salute, but >> yeah, it's also hard to do really hard to do live and >> but we were laughing so hard at the idea. We were like, "What Jewish guy can we get to play this?" [laughter] >> They have to be Jewish, you think?
>> No, I think you could do it, but I think it's >> live I think would be harder than digital to like get it over on people.
>> Yeah.
>> You'd have to be like really killing in the first twothirds of the show. So, we couldn't do it. [laughter] >> Yeah. So, that's sort of out of our range.
Maybe the Lonely Island or something.
[laughter] >> I bet Please don't destroy could do that.
>> What was that noise?
>> That was Slack or Discord?
>> Disc.
>> Oh, you on Discord making moves with the Socialist Brotherhood. The White Socialist Brotherhood of America. Use Discord to chat.
>> They on Signal.
>> They on Signal.
>> Is Signal good? I feel like >> I don't know, man. I saw the chats uh leak uh when feed XS started and whatever, right? And the my immediate thought after like how bad this was was like, >> damn, they got kind of a clean UI. Never going to use that app, but it does look slick. [laughter] >> Oh, [ __ ] >> This is an altruistically righteous transition.
>> It's so [ __ ] difficult as a comedian in Brooklyn that I don't ever get to express that I need that people to stop resisting arrest. I need people to stop fighting back against the [ __ ] cops who are just trying to make our society better >> and tip your bartenders.
>> [laughter] >> If you end anything with that, I call for the extermination of all non-white races and tip those bartenders. I'll [laughter] tell you what.
>> Yeah.
I say the the days of race mixing and race intermingling must come to an end.
>> And also tip your bartender, Eric. Oh yeah, I know that. I know that's right.
[laughter] >> I FEEL LIKE >> PREGNANT MOTHERS WHO ARE NON-WHITE MUST BE SLAUGHTERED THE BABIES TORN FOR THEM w for THEM WOMBS AND LET them be cast BACK UNDER THE VILE LANDS THAT BIRTHE THEM.
>> And period pads are available in the bathroom.
>> Let's go. Let's go.
>> Like cattle we shall round them up, burn them alive.
Consent is sexy, guys. Consent is sexy.
>> Yes.
>> Yes. All right. Without further ado, here's Scoobsy.
[laughter] >> I really like Scubsy's Herald announcement post.
>> I didn't see it. They're funny though.
>> Yeah. Can you Why don't you pull it up?
I don't have my phone.
>> You're being investigated. You have to destroy your phone.
>> Yeah.
>> I only text Skype. I'm sending dickpicks Skype.
>> No, we can't keep bringing up his name.
I Skype. We have to cut if I say Skype.
>> What? I'm just talking. I'm inventing a new fantasy character who wields a 10- foot long sword and in uh and he lords over the realm and his name is uh >> Skype on Skype. Um what was I looking up? Scoozy. Scubsy.
>> They have the France flag over.
>> Oh yeah, this is funny. I did see that.
I didn't see that one. Oh, read it out.
>> Oh, that one's fun. Uh, this is what this is what I really liked.
>> Scubsy starter name. [laughter] >> That's good. It's a long story. You can ask her.
>> That's that's on the actual Herald announcement post.
>> I assume it was somebody who was on Herald.
>> Wait, what?
>> I assume it was somebody who got Herald right before co.
>> Yeah, but it's like relax.
>> Yeah, >> just say new or returning. [laughter] >> That's crazy. They actually put that on Herald.
>> Yeah, >> on your team. No, different.
>> Oh, Akash got Harold [ __ ] >> Yeah, we were on here clowning UCB for a week straight >> and I've been emailing >> talking about doing a trans charact What was the character? The trans character.
>> Oh, George Zimmerman. [laughter] shopping makeup, [laughter] which is so good because you're doing George Zimmerman if he was a trans woman and then it turns out your sexism prevails over all of that [laughter] and it's just you think women are stupid which is really it's ultimately brilliant.
>> Inclusive of trans women because they're the same as women.
>> It's radically exclusive overall.
It is.
>> It's Oh my god. Yeah. You invoke >> It's like a tea off.
>> A transincclusionary anti-feminist. [laughter] >> That's really good. Wow.
>> Tea off. Yeah.
>> Tea off.
>> Tea off, girl. [laughter] >> That's really, really good. Georgia Zimmerman is It's one of those ones, man, because you invoke the killing of an unarmed black kid for no reason.
[laughter] you just wanted to kill you. [laughter] >> When you said the character, when you said the the the the trans show idea, I and you started to say George Zimmerman, I got it confused and I thought it was George Floyd for a second, which is a horrible >> Oh, that's even worse.
>> That's even worse.
>> George Floyd. [laughter] >> That is terrible.
>> Oh my god.
>> I I need to get my hair done. [laughter] And you're just looking at all of the UCB directors just slack jaws staring at you, not believing that [laughter] they >> No. No.
>> Oh my god. You guys are dirty.
Get off of me.
>> And you walk out and you just you see the next person like staring at you walking out and they're like like just can't believe what they heard and [laughter] you're like I mean that's going to be tough to follow. I feel like I crushed that. walking out with like a bag of like props [laughter] like like a yo-yo, like a sombrero, like weird weird like artifacts that you're putting in like >> you have you have a like a container of like different colored face paints and the black [laughter] one is empty.
>> Good luck. Seriously.
>> And but your face is completely white, but then you pull down your shirt a little bit and your whole body is in black body >> and he you go over to the next person and go, you know, obviously black face is offensive, but nobody said the other body parts. [laughter] Good luck, kid.
And but by the way, for the first two minutes of it, you're in a squirrel costume, body, like neck down, and then you take that off to reveal the black face. Like you need a turn you the black body. Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> People are talking about the rise of black body. [laughter] >> Oh my god. Did you guys hear did black body in the >> Are you [ __ ] kidding me?
>> I feel like that kind of is a point of debate though with like Kim Kardashian getting plastic surgery to be all thick.
style because she's thick style. Kim Kardashian got a big old ass type [ __ ] that she paid for to get from my doctor.
P.
>> Um, yeah. I don't know how I feel about uh that.
>> Uh, plastic surgery.
>> No, I want to get I want to get plastic surgery to get my body to look like a black guy's body.
>> Like a fat black guy.
>> Like a fat black guy. [laughter] >> Reverse Michael Jackson.
>> Like a biggie. Yeah, reverse Michael Jackson. I'm getting a neck down reverse Michael Jackson next week.
[clears throat] >> I'm getting a neck down reverse Michael Jackson.
>> Oh, they're dropping my GoFundMe. I need some community action for a neck down reverse Michael Jackson.
>> Neck down reverse Michael Jackson surgery.
>> Post and it was like $10,000 from one person [laughter] >> that you don't know.
>> Guys, um I'm making a GoFundMe. I need neck down surgery.
>> Neck down?
>> I need neck down surgery. Yeah. body modification style vibes.
>> No, but the Kim Kardashian uh making her body black thing, I'm like at least I'm like, >> what do you mean?
>> So, we're saying like all black women have that. Like, it becomes a whole different thing.
>> Who told you I said that?
>> What? You said that? You're saying that all black women have the same body? Who told you I said that? I thought there was like no one around when I >> Oh, oh, oh. Um, yeah. Yeah. No, no, they're all different or [ __ ] you know.
>> By the way, you said that 30 seconds ago on camera and we cut it from the video.
>> Oh, no. Nun's the wiser.
>> Nun's the wiser.
>> Um, >> yeah. No, I I agree with that. Also, digital blackface.
>> You heard about that one?
>> That's just using AV online.
>> No, it's like using like Well, partially and then it's also using like black reaction images of like funny Yeah.
>> Kevin Hart. I thought digital blackface meant like using AI to make it like >> thatill black face.
>> That's fine. People are cool with that.
>> But using like a gif of like Denzel is blackface.
>> Yeah. Well, I don't think it's Denzel typically. It's like, you know, it's like a like a silly looking black person. Well, there's a Kevin Hart one where he does like the react that you always use would use on like Zoom or something where he's like, >> "Yeah, >> that's Kevin Hart's like basic reaction."
>> I use that I use I send that in almost every group chat I'm in. That in the Israeli flag emoji >> because I'm such an edge lord.
>> I don't think there's a better metaphor for you as a friend is the post that I did for your birthday that was like I think I the screenshot somewhere.
>> This is my uh Discord profile picture.
Is that black face?
>> That's digital blackface, man. Because you're That's [ __ ] uh >> It's not a silly looking >> Colin Powell, right?
>> That's not Colin Powell.
>> Who is that?
>> He I don't remember his name.
>> Let me see. That's not Colin Powell.
>> He was the minority whip, which always made me laugh.
Yeah. And that's an official government term. Sorry.
>> It is crazy. And I'm the majority whip.
[laughter] >> I'm the minority whip.
>> And I'm the majority whip.
>> You pull me out.
>> You pull me out when you see a minority.
[laughter] >> The majority whip and the minority whip are just always fighting >> across like [laughter] Harry Potter and Voldemort.
>> Yeah.
>> The senator who lived. [laughter] >> Addy sent me a poster recently. I think I sent it to you guys, but it was uh uh or no, Julia sent it to me. Um it was like her military cousin like reposted this thing and it was just this like black dude in a mil in like a combat fatigues and it just said PC of the month, but it like means something in military terms or whatever.
>> Point of command >> something. Yeah. Where'd it go?
>> Person of commanding. We should have a PC of the month.
>> PC is constantly just like point of contact, but it's funny in a corporate setting where it's like you're naming someone primary PC.
>> Primary PC.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> But you need a secondary or backup PC.
>> Who is the primary PC right now globally?
>> Um I don't know honestly. Trump not a PC.
>> Trump.
>> Oh, you mean in the actual sense.
Guess we shouldn't rank. It's probably go.
>> I'd say the current leader of Iran is is pretty high up there.
>> He's he's PC.
>> He's a PC.
>> Yeah.
>> Not not where he is though, >> right?
>> P. Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> PNC person. No color.
>> Persona non color. [laughter] >> PC. PC is kind of like VFD from a Series of Unfortunate Events where it means different things to different people.
>> It's like a secretive organization.
>> Dude, VFW is like the Veterans uh organization. It's called Veterans of Foreign Wars and they have like posts all over. But the implication there is that like all US wars since the Civil War have been foreign wars. But what if one day we need to have a VDW >> VDub, >> Veterans of Domestic War? went to VDubs.
>> VD Dubz. Yeah, VD V-Dubs is so >> boneless Thursday at VDub.
>> God, V-Dubz, >> they're closing down um almost all Inerson Buffalo Wild Wings. And I just want to say like one day when we look >> what's a non hold on >> like takeout only.
>> Yeah, they're they're called BDub go and they're putting them all over the city.
>> Bub go.
>> And they're just disappearing and it's a travesty. What's happening?
>> Wait, actually, yeah. Did I tell you guys how I went to a Bub go?
>> Uh, and it was all it was all Indian people working there and they were just blasting Bollywood music.
>> Really?
>> Yeah. It was making me >> Did you pick up your food and you're like, "Hey, [laughter] >> they all look back like >> you didn't realize this was the Indian beatup go [laughter] >> welcome man."
>> No, they don't sound like that. You have to do the accent. Uh, I don't think I can do an Indian accent, but >> go.
>> Yeah, it was good.
>> We tried to We had the something competition thing or whatever. We had to do >> you have the competition thing where you had to do an Indian accent.
>> There was something. No, it was like >> or maybe they were asking me about a bit you guys were doing where you made them do an Indian accent.
>> Oh, sure.
>> But they were trying to redo it or whatever. And then it's I don't I can't do it. It's a hard thing to do.
>> Give it a shot.
>> But I did college try.
>> Give it give it a try.
>> Well, the only the thing that jumps first to my mind is uh Apoo from >> So do do Apoo.
>> But he >> Oh, come on, man.
>> Don't edge us. This is People want to see you in the lab. This might be the Patreon episodes for working things out.
>> Welcome to the the what do they call the cookie mart?
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Welcome to the cookie mart.
>> Kind of Jamaican.
>> That's exactly what you said before. I can't You could be a Jamaican guy. It's fine, too.
>> To the quicky mart.
>> I don't know how a poo sounds like. So >> that's pretty much it. Like stereotypical >> Indian accent.
>> Look, it's more heightened than that.
>> You know the girl that voices >> Yeah.
>> is a Scientologist.
>> Yeah, I do.
>> She's freaking Nancy, right?
>> Nancy.
>> She always goes through she posts videos. My friend Landon always sends them to where she goes through drive-throughs and she's I feel like I've talked about this on the podcast having deja vu. I don't remember it, >> but she like goes through drivethrus and she's like, "How much for uh like a happy meal?" And they're like 81 17 and she's like, "That's radical, man."
>> As Bart and then they go, "Nice." And she goes, "I'm Bart." And they go and she goes, "No, like I seriously voice Bart on the show." And it's all these like minimum wage workers being like, "Oh, that's really cool."
Like anything else?
>> We could take cash or car just [laughter] >> She does it all the time.
>> That's funny.
>> Have you guys seen the Scientology like um >> speeduns?
>> Yes. Yeah. I was just reading about that today.
>> They're awesome. So good.
>> They're so funny.
>> I love it.
>> I don't know what they're trying to accomplish exactly. They should have a goal.
>> Don't even care. Actually, >> they should come back with the >> mapping it out. They have a map now.
>> Oh, really?
>> Yeah. Like >> that's sick.
>> Through all the speedruns, they're mapping out the building.
>> That's what life needs in general is like a gamified aspect to it. like Maze Runner where you have to map >> certain area.
>> An app on your phone that will will take your phone's location data and it will as you go to new areas it will uh like the whole world is all foggy on there like a video game and as you go to new locations it'll remove the >> That's a real thing.
>> Yeah, it's an app that you can like download.
>> Oh, that's cool. I'll probably stick with maps. It's already all there.
>> No, [laughter] but you can use >> I think I'll stick with Google probably.
But that's cool. tells you what train car to get out of just so you can transfer easy, you know, >> but you don't know where you're going.
>> Not yet.
>> End up in Brownsville and you're like, "Wow, I unlocked a new area on my map."
>> The hood. Oh, also, just since I am recording now, >> I want to give a shout out to that guy who commented and said, "If I have to hear Oscar say the hood one more time, I'm going to blow my brains out."
>> Really got to me. I listened back.
You're 100% right. That's on me. Uh, keep trucking, brother.
Unless you're a woman.
>> Did I tell you guys I met Hiad's roommate?
>> Yeah, you did. Who?
>> Okay.
>> Yeah, he uh Vinnie.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Who?
>> Shout out. He uh >> Who's he?
>> Head is one of the realest [ __ ] you'll ever go. [ __ ] >> He was like so real and honest with us when we first started the podcast.
>> Yeah. He like subscribed and then unsubscribed.
>> The guy who called. You guys called?
>> No. No. subscribed and then was like, "You guys talk over each other too much." And then unsubscribed and then resubscribed and said, "You guys are doing a lot better now."
>> Wow.
>> And [laughter] now comments on every episode.
>> Shout out. He uh one of the goats. Have you done Patreons shout outs?
>> Yeah. Yeah, we did it.
>> Okay.
>> This is an altruistically righteous transition.
>> Should we read Patreon memes?
>> Oh, yeah. Yeah, let's read Patreon memes. We'll go quick. We'll go quick.
Um Patreon Patreon >> patreonist patriis >> my patre >> my patreonis would be an owl >> an owl so not not so many we have one two three four five so we can sort of maybe if you want to spend more time okay um Chinese national smith >> oh that's fun >> that's really fun I I don't have a bit for that because you just are you compiled a couple bits together.
>> What I appreciate about that is like oh I appreciate the support. Clearly you've listened to multiple episodes of the pod or that's completely random but but we've talked about Chinese nationals.
Why do we call them that and are my Japanese American Smith?
>> Um >> it's my Smith card.
>> It's my Smith card which is which is a bit I really love. [laughter] Um Chinese national smith. That's really sweet.
They subscribed to the Ethan tier. So let's [ __ ] go there. You're you're going to be the first. That's not true.
That might be true. No, it's not true.
Okay, there's a second one there. Okay.
[laughter] Um, uh, Mango Girl. Um, sort of random.
>> Mango Girl is a notorious serial killer from the 80s.
>> Um, Mango Girl is a notorious serial killer from the 80s. Um, uh, >> one of the first female serial killers, actually.
So her her um profile picture is a woman standing behind like a barricade, like a police barricade, and it's like a t-shirt that says #this is a crisis.
Um >> yeah, she was uh notoriously the the first female serial killer turned activist.
>> No. And that which is amazing because we need more representation from that contingent in in in our >> activism. Activism. Yeah.
>> And and you know and she's also and maybe because there's police barricades there like you know most serial killers returned to the scene of the crime. M >> so maybe it's at the scene of the crime >> and and her last thing her profile like bio says mama there's a wasting money on patre patreon behind you >> I don't know hey mango girl >> it's provocative >> mango girl you keep killing indiscriminately um rion riaman riamanith cart is >> I love playing manath cart >> man cart >> it's my favorite switch game >> me and my roomate Ria played Mammoth Kart. Um, >> do you mean Mario Kart?
>> That's what it says. I don't know.
>> Oh, no. No. I I was just doing a bit.
>> Oh my [ __ ] bad.
>> Yeah.
>> I didn't even know you sold it. This is an actor.
>> Um, no, I mean Mace Kart. Me and Rio played Manis Kart.
>> Oh, that's fun.
>> It's fun. It's a cool game. It's sort of like Mario Kart. Mario Kart except it's like um you're sort of like smell um selling um >> smelling.
>> You're smelling. It's a smell of >> It's sort of like Mario Kart, but you smell.
>> It's like a smell. It's most games you don't smell, >> but this game smells. It's good though.
>> Lake Boss. This is weird. Subscribe $6 and one penny to the Oscar tier.
>> It's [ __ ] [ __ ] >> Lake Boss.
>> Okay, so now there's a wage gap between the white guy and the two PCs. This guy created a [ __ ] wage cap. For every for every $6 a cent that that Oscar makes, we make >> we make $6. That's [ __ ] [ __ ] >> And and by the way, and if you know anything about exponential growth, he's going to be a billionaire before us, [laughter] which is disgusting.
>> If you know anything about exponential growth, >> says guy who knows nothing about math.
Lake Boss also, what a name. Like, how dare you? That lake belongs to the fish, to the critters, to the people who live there, not just you. You're not the boss of the lake. You can't be the boss of a place.
>> Yeah, you can.
>> You can, but you can't be the boss of like nature.
>> Yeah, but if there's a company named Lake.
>> Yeah, >> company named Lake.
>> Well, okay. Can you please uh can you please comment Lake Boss if you own a company named Lake or you're talking about the geographical um sort of phenomenon of a lake? Last person, Emma Madison. Um Billy Madison's sister.
>> Emma Madison.
>> Emma Madison. Billy Madison's sister.
>> Billy Madison's sister. Um, no. Emma Madison. Um, >> yeah, I'm a Madison.
>> Emma Madison. Um, I'm a mad son.
>> Yeah, I'm a mad son.
>> I'm a mad son.
>> Go YouTube memes.
>> I'll go to YouTube memes. Yeah, [ __ ] YouTube studio. You got to go to the studio for that.
>> Yeah, [ __ ] >> Y stew.
>> Costello. Why are you sleeping over little idiot?
>> Um, how do I analytics?
How do you view new subscribers? [ __ ] God, I'm such an old guy. How do you do it? So, I just I don't earn >> earn memberships.
>> Nope.
>> Okay. Do we have any new ones?
>> Yeah. Skyler Madison.
>> Skyler Madison. And >> Oh, wait. They rejoined.
>> Delete that. No. Delete.
>> No. Skyler Madison. You've already gotten a shout out.
>> You left and you came back. Okay.
>> Slum Dog Journal 7077.
>> Slum Dog Journal.
>> Uh, it's the sequel to Slum Dog Millionaire.
>> Slum Dog Journal.
>> Slum Dogs. Yeah.
>> Yeah. Right.
>> Uh, canon BCL.
>> Um, that's R2-D2's uh concubine. Um, he gets [ __ ] by R2-D2.
Are does R2 get multiple concubines?
>> He does. He does. I They haven't been revealed yet. Like I think we'll probably have more subscribers in the future or in here or that.
>> That's beautiful.
>> Yeah. Isn't it?
>> And uh Kaye Tank 7193.
>> Did we already do that one?
>> We did that one.
>> [ __ ] delete that.
>> Delete that. Delete.
>> You don't get two shout outs.
>> You do war crimes and it's gross.
>> This is an altruistically righteous transition.
>> Should we call it?
>> Yeah. Okay.
>> What are we feeling for the outro today, guys?
>> Uh, how about a heavily copyright song?
>> Let's give Brendan uh let's give Brendan let's put him in his comfort zone in the pocket. Royalty-free folk music.
>> Let's go.
>> Brendan, do you like Geese?
>> Uh, I found out that I I liked Geese.
Uh, I listen to Cameron Winter's solo album, but I didn't I only listen to Little Big of Geese.
>> That seems like something you'd be into.
>> I liked I liked him. I liked that song like when it came out and I came back to it later. Man, the big one >> you know Neil Young.
>> I need the speaker.
I don't know. This is says it is rightous. [singing] >> When he came through a whispering widow, came through the misty meadows. Came from the land of Ireland.
He came with a bag of gold. He left with a story. sent him to Alruistic rightuousness [singing] came through with a pot of gold, stole me some good old mold and he said, "Hey, come around. It's time to go to podcast town."
>> Come on. Come on. Come on. Yeah.
Do man, come on. New guy. Come on.
>> Come on. Do Man.
>> Um. Uh.
>> Kill and stab the Protestant.
>> No. No. No. There's a drift vibes. You got It came through the promised land.
That kind of thing.
>> Came through the I can't do Irish.
>> You can't.
>> No.
>> If he can do Indian, you can do Irish.
>> What's that?
>> Ireland. Ireland. Ireland. Ireland.
>> It's not fair.
>> It's not. That's going more Scottish.
>> It doesn't matter, man. You shut up both of those countries.
>> Well, this has been altruistic righteousness.
>> Altruistic >> righteousness.
>> Altruistic righteousness.
>> Altruistic righteousness.
>> Righteousness.
>> Thanks for listening. Thanks for subscribing. Subscribe to the Patreon if you don't [ __ ] I mean subscribing to the Patreon is a guarantee that you'll be live a healthy life.
>> I love you very much Ethan St. Jermaine.
We can't guarantee that.
>> The newest peptide, the newest Chinese factory peptide available is altruistic righteousness. And by subscribing to the Patreon, you increase your longevity.
>> Chinese peptide.
>> Mhm.
>> Oh, respect. With all due respect, Chinese peptide.
>> Chinese nationals.
>> Chinese nationals. Yeah. The Chinese nationals.
>> Unplug our mics on camera and see what happens.
>> All what? It's >> going to go silent. It's going to go and then silent.
Heat. Heat.
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