Why Being Brown/Morena Is the "Hidden Third Person" in Your Filipina-Foreigner Relationship

Added: 2026-05-12

[00:00:00]I remember being the only girl in my group of friends who was never picked by the local boys for a relationship simply because I was too brown. And when you are that one girl, you are questioning yourself very early. You start asking what is wrong with me? Even if the real problem is the system around you, most of you still do not believe that being white in the Philippines gives you so much leverage and gives you so much opportunity, not just for foreigners, but also for mixed Filipinos, too. It affects how people talk to you, how they serve you, and even how seriously they take your dreams. In my country they say being brown is a curse. They say it means you are poor. Being brown is uneducated and being brown is invisible.

[00:01:02]They say it so casually like it is just a joke. But those jokes slowly become beliefs. So for today I am sharing to you guys why this course is the hidden third person in your relationship.

[00:01:18]Dearest gentle viewers, this is me again, Fred Chidy, your new YouTube friend. If you are curious about the real stories behind the stereotypes in the Philippines, please do not forget to hit the like and subscribe button. I am speaking for myself. I was bullied my entire life because I was skinny and because I was brown and had a cute small nose. Even compliments felt also confusing because they always came with conditions like you are cute but in the Philippines the beauty standard is still incredibly strong. Being white is the superior goer. Every day we Filipinos pay what I call a skin tax. And this tax is not just about money. It is also about emotional thing, social thing and sometimes even professional. If you are a fairkinned in the Philippines, the world opens for you. You get the front desk jobs. You get the lead rose in commercials and you get the benefit of the doubt from the police for example or from the bank teller. Even in school guys, teacher may unconsciously favor lightyear students thinking that they are more presentable.

[00:02:42]But if you are brown, you are taxed with suspicion. You are expected to be the helper and not the boss. You are also most likely to be asked like, "Hey, are you the maid?" instead of, "Are you the manager?"

[00:02:57]We Filipino locals even make a wish like would my life be easier if I just had a white privilege. I know it is really a heartbreaking question because deep inside you are wishing to change something you were born with something that should never be a disadvantage.

[00:03:20]It is why some of the locals call Morena girls. They're rejected once because they think we only date foreigners because we could not get a local man.

[00:03:33]That label alone already destroys confidence before a Filipino woman even enters a relationship. And I want you to understand why those local boys did not pick me at all. It was not just about the taste or it is not just about who was the prettier. In the Philippines, a girlfriend is often seen as a status symbol. If a Filipino man walks into a party with a fair skinned or with a white girl or let's say a mystisa girl, his social status goes up. People think that he is successful or moving up in the world and it becomes a form of social currency. But despite these standards, dark Filipinas, petite Filipinas are the ones foreigners often fall for. And sometimes this creates tension between how Filipino locals see beauty and how foreigners see it. While other girls might be envious, the societal fact still remains. Being white is seen as beautiful and that reality does not change just because you are in love. This is where the third person enters your relationship. Her skin color is not just a trait. It is an active participant in how the world treats you both. It speaks before she even opens her mouth. When you walk, for example, into a luxury hotel, the staff might ignore her and only speak to you. They might assume that she is just your tour guide. Or they might assume that she is someone that you hired rather than your partner. Or worse, they might think that she is only there because of your money and not because of love. It is so easy to say guys like, "Hey, just don't mind them." But when you receive unfair treatment in your own country every single day, it is really exhausting. It slowly drains your confidence until you start shrinking yourself without realizing it. So again, when this happens, don't just stay silent. And if you stay silent, you are letting the third person win. What you should do is that you acknowledge your Filipina girlfriend and direct the conversation back to her. Show the world that she is the center of your universe, especially when the world is trying to push her to the sideline. Even simple actions like holding her hand tightier or introducing her proudly can already change how people treat her. And another point is that when you tell your Morena partner that she is beautiful, you are fighting years of societal conditioning. So to her, she is not the standard. So please do not lose your patience easily when she says she does not believe you. Your voice needs to be louder every day because for every one compliment you give, there were probably hundreds of negative messages she heard growing up.

[00:06:54]And by the way, it doesn't stop in public. The third person even sits at the dinner table. You might hear your Filipina family members talk about improving the breed or making jokes about the skin color of your future children.

[00:07:12]Sometimes they laugh when they say it, but the message is tear sharp. You have to realize that to some your relationship is seen as a biological transaction. It feels like being told that your own face is a mistake that needs to be corrected in the next generation. And imagine carrying the thought that your features are something to be fixed and not pass on with pride.

[00:07:36]When people look at your future children and say, "Oh, thank God they are so white." They are indirectly saying, "I am so glad they don't like you." This is where the third person becomes an emotional ghost that haunts her confidence. And that ghost does not disappear easily. It follows her into adulthood. It follows her into relationships and even into motherhood.

[00:08:04]So the bottom line is that how to fight the third person together. My number one tip is to have consistent affirmation.

[00:08:12]Saying you are beautiful once is not enough. You are fighting 20 years or maybe 30 years of her being told she is invisible. So your voice needs to be like a constant drum beat. And consistency is what builds belief because love is not proven once but it is proven daily. My second tip is understanding the temple, which means the silence. If she is quiet after a day out at the ball, she might not be mad at you. She might be just exhausted from being invisible all day long, and she might be feeling the weight of the stairs. And as a foreigner, you have to ask her, "Did the world make you feel small today?" And then just hold her tight until she feels big again.

[00:09:01]Sometimes what she needs is not just your advice but just someone who understand without judgment. My third tip for you guys is to check your own bias. You have to ask yourself, do you really love her for her soul or is she just an exotic trophy for you? If you treat her skin color like a novelty, then you are just another version of the third person. Because even positive attention can be harmful if it reduces her to just her appearance. So to you, she is just a queen. To the lady at the department store, she is just a Miranda girl with a foreigner. And how you handle that moment defines your relationship. That moment is small, but it reveals everything about your respect for her. And at the end of the day, I do not believe these labels, but society still forces them on us. So the third person will always will always be around, but they only have power if you allow it. So you cannot control society overnight, but you can control how you show up for each other. So to my fellow morenas out there, your skin is your pride. It shows where you come from and how strong you are. It carries your history. It carries your ancestry and your resilience. And to those foreign men who are watching right now, please speak up for her. Be the voice that protects her when the world tries to be mean because silence may be comfortable for you, but it is painful for her. So, I know this topic is very heavy, guys, but how have you seen this happen to your Filipina partner? Please tell me in the comment section and I will be reading them and I really want to hear your stories. So, that would be all for now guys. Thank you for watching. Don't forget to hit the like and subscribe button for more insights like this. See you in my next videos. Ciao.