I HATE Clash Simps

Added: 2026-06-01

[00:00:00]Clash of Clans simps are the biggest scum in the universe. These guys let girls completely ruin your clan from promoting these females to elder instantly, putting them in every single war, and even offering them the CWL bonus because they had really hard match-ups. These simps just be sitting in clan chat all day waiting for the Stacy to say anything. Just her requesting troops gives the simp a dopamine hit. These same players send friend requests to every single account that they think could be a girl. You know how I know this? Because my alt account is named Roblox girl. I use this account to hop from clan to clan to find horrible Clash of Clans attacks. And this account has seven friend requests from the last 3 days.

[00:00:42]These simps want me to join their clan so bad. Sorry, boys. You can't hold this girl down. Just to be sure of this, I joined the same clans on my main account, and would you look at that?

[00:00:53]Zero friend request. My main account was town hall 18, while my alt is a shitty town hall 12. Clearly, they aren't adding me because they think I would make a good addition to their clan wars.

[00:01:04]Please go ahead and make an account with a female name. I know you freaks got at least 10 accounts. Just try it on one of them and see how differently you are treated. You could probably get promoted to co-leader after flirting with the leader for about 15 minutes. And if you really want that CWL bonus, you just got to log in and message him on Discord three times a day. These are the Clash of Clans progression tips you won't find anywhere else on YouTube. Subscribe for more 9,000 IQ strats. You guys don't even want to know what I was doing to get members in my clan when global chat was a thing. I'm not going to say I was pretending to be a girl to fill up the clan faster, but I was definitely pretending to be a girl to fill up the clan faster. I mean, how can you blame me? It worked like a charm. These simps would rather join me, a 14-year-old boy pretending to be a 14-year-old girl, than a max town hall 10 with a perfect war log. This was truly the greatest recruitment method in all of Clash of Clans history. If they bring back global chat, I'm going to have to make a tutorial with Roblox Girl on how to fill up these clans in rapid speed. I'm going to be speed running taking a clan from one member to 50. Please, Clash of Clans, bring this [ __ ] back. That would just be peak content. With that being said, global chat was straight degen [ __ ] We had grown ass men pretending to be 14-year-old girls so that they could flirt with other grown ass men. I don't even want to know how many people got scammed because of this [ __ ] Buddy thought he was grooming a kid, and instead he was getting rinsed for all of his money.

[00:02:31]Poetic justice in all honesty.

[00:02:33][ __ ] were straight up treating Clash of Clans like a dating website.

[00:02:37]The craziest part is I actually have a real world story about a man trying to find love on Clash of Clans. I worked with a grown ass man whose wife played Clash of Clans while he had never played it before. She ended up becoming good friends with one dude in her clan. And this dude was from some random ass country. The man I worked with proceeds to tell me that his wife bought a PlayStation 5 just so that she could play games with bro from Clash of Clans.

[00:03:02]Bro from Clash of Clans is trying to cuck my boy so hard. I told him his wife is insane for even talking to this bum, and she needs to leave that clan.

[00:03:10]Apparently, at the time, she didn't see anything wrong with it. But of course, we all knew what was going on. Buddy was trying to get that two-for-one special, a baddie and a green card for the price of one plane ticket. Thankfully, he finally convinced his wife to change her account name so people wouldn't harass her, and she eventually stopped playing with this bum. It's actually insane how fast these simp [ __ ] will want to make a clan Discord after a girl joins the clan. Buddy had never even heard of Discord before. He just asked ChatGPT what the easiest way to get a one-on-one conversation with this girl was. A female will join your clan, and all of the sudden, these simps will be talking about their new Instagram posts.

[00:03:48]Next thing you know, they're sharing all their three-star attacks like it's their greatest hits. The second a girl joins your clan, all these fruitcakes become experts in the game. They all fighting over who can coach the girl on how to attack. Meanwhile, she just spams e-dragons and uses all of her hero abilities instantly and has never three-starred in war once. The [ __ ] that pisses me off the most is that if they didn't think these were girls, they would just kick them. But instead, they get all the best treatment. Honestly, makes me want to join a clan and see how much I can troll as a girl and see how far they'll let me go. I remember when I first created my alt account Roblox Girl and it was in our clan Defy Sports. And this [ __ ] instantly started asking, "Hey, Roblox Girl, are you a real girl?" I'm like, "Brother, hold yourself. I've been in the clan for 2 minutes. Calm down." I almost had to kick this man because of the lack of discipline he was showing. Man was salivating at the thought of a girl being in the same clan as him. I don't know who needs to hear this, but you are not finding a baddie in Clash of Clans.

[00:04:45]Let's just say there are 10,000 baddies playing Clash of Clans, 9,900 of them only play the game because of their boyfriend. The second he stops playing or they break up, she's never hopping on that [ __ ] again. If you want to find a baddie on a Supercell game, you're going to want to hop your ass on Hay Day.

[00:04:59]That's a much more target-rich environment. If someone told me they met their wife on Hay Day, I wouldn't be insanely shocked. But if they told me they met their wife on Clash of Clans, my first question would be, "Have you ever met them in real life?" Because there's genuinely zero chance. It's just not possible. Don't let me catch one you guys e-dating. There are probably enough people watching that there's got to be at least one person in an online relationship. If you actually think a girl you have never met in your life is your girlfriend, please seek help. God forbid you're gifting her gold passes.

[00:05:29]In that case, it going to hurt extra hard when you find out the whole time it's been a dude. And if you are saying, "No, it's definitely a girl." I want you to honestly ask yourself, if a girl with unlimited options isn't cheating on a dude she met on Clash of Clans. We can be a little delusional, but we never want to go full [ __ ] And that, my friend, is going full [ __ ] These simps are so thirsty that they don't stop at treating Clash of Clans like a dating game. This [ __ ] tried to hit on me on chess.com.

[00:05:59]Man asked if I was a female, and I knew he was [ __ ] Of course, I lied and said that I was a female. The game shifted at that very moment. Man was not thinking about winning the game. He was thinking about bagging a baddie on chess.com. The best part was right after he asked for my WhatsApp, I checkmated him the next move. But, he instantly sent me a friend request after the game and another challenge. Of course, I just ignored it. But, I guarantee you, if I added him and asked if he plays Clash of Clans, he would say yes.