Why Is 'Small Talk' So Rare in Korea? | Can You Talk to Strangers Easily? | Podcast with Jed | EP66

Hinzugefügt: 2026-05-16

[00:00:00]We all have some unique experiences.

[00:00:04]When I was 9-5 for many many many years, I used to take train for 40 minutes at least minimum going to the work and coming back home using the train and taking the bus. In rush hour it's always crowded and um extra careful uh when it comes to um being on the train at the rush hour, being squeezed by people.

[00:00:25]So we have a term, the funny term, para poze. If my hands are here, then sometimes like my hands they're being touched by people's legs, not just the women but the men too. Sometimes ass, so I prefer having my hands here. So when I was like freshman, when I had my first 9-5 job, I used like I was I was living with my parents. I walked to the station, the same station every day, every morning at the same time. And uh I would uh bump into not bump into I I I I get on the train. I like uh the first train.

[00:01:02]Very front or very end. Or where they have a disabled seat. Uh there's a little bit more space.

[00:01:10]So there are specific spots I I preferred. So I can stand there a little bit better, a little bit more space.

[00:01:17]And um every now and then, almost every day actually, almost every day I would see this lady kind of my age or a little bit older.

[00:01:26]I spot her every morning.

[00:01:29]And then maybe she thinks that I'm following her. I get onto the uh different spots of the train. So not very front or every day.

[00:01:38]I kind of move around because when you're waiting for a train and sometimes you remember, oh maybe I will bump into the same lady one more time. So I want to avoid this. I will go back today. And then sometimes you see her there too.

[00:01:53]It makes me makes me feel like oh maybe she's thinking I'm a stalker.

[00:01:57]But I used to see her like for at least 1 year every almost every day. Oh, we get off at the same station, Kwalung Common. I used to get off at Kwalung Common. She gets off there, too.

[00:02:08]And then I really try to go in front of her so I feel like I'm not following her.

[00:02:14]And we walk to the same direction.

[00:02:17]I still remember I I don't remember her face, of course, but I remember her uh as someone I see every day and we even get off at the same exit. And um she actually she goes past my building.

[00:02:31]So I okay. It would have been more weird if I go past her building cuz I it makes me feel like I I follow her and I want to find out where she works at cuz like no.

[00:02:42]Yeah, I remember one person, yeah. Every day, every day. I remember this movie.

[00:02:47]Um I don't know why I remember this movie.

[00:02:49]I I It's my one of my favorite movie, Demolition.

[00:02:54]The Jake Gyllenhaal, he lives in suburb uh outside outside of New York and um correct me if I'm wrong because I I never lived in the US. But from the the books I read or the movies I watched, usually the people who live outside of New York, they drive to the station and they get on the train to the um the central.

[00:03:15]And um people In many movies, people talk uh and they in in that movie, uh there's a guy who works at the uh Yankees Stadium, baseball stadium, and he talks a lot.

[00:03:26]And uh the main guy, Jake Gyllenhaal, he cannot stand his coffee breath.

[00:03:32]So he he doesn't want to speak to him.

[00:03:34]So he puts his earphone and it's like oh, no. And then later on he apologizes.

[00:03:39]Obviously, um I don't believe everything I see from the movie. Like some Korean Americans watching K-drama and learn about Korean culture. But uh it seems like it's quite more common that uh Western countries have more small talk with the strangers, It especially if they bump into each other.

[00:03:56]It's a movie, so we don't know if it's real, but uh it in the movie it's the train is kind of crowded, but they have a seat and they look at each other. I don't know, like 3 days a week for 1 year, then probably you will talk to them, right? But in Korea, we never.

[00:04:13]But in England, it was more common to say hello, good morning. You don't know that their names, but you say good morning. If you bump into each other more often then eventually you say, "Oh, where do you live?" Or where do you work? I think the city people are more cold, less friendly.

[00:04:29]But if you go outside of the the city, people are more open to speak to your neighbors or the people you bump into more often than others. Anyway, um I Okay, so I had a friend um when I was when I was 9-5 and um she was uh um everyone knows that uh I'm quite slow when it comes to someone hitting me or show their interest or open up to me.

[00:04:58]I'm quite slow.

[00:05:01]When I don't have interest in them, I'm very very very slow.

[00:05:04]So, uh this coworker I had uh when I was 9-5, she opened up to me about her past relationship and I didn't get it. She wanted to date me eventually, but I didn't know.

[00:05:15]>> [gasps] >> And um she at lunch, because we you eat lunch with the coworkers and um uh one day she was not in my team. We ended up eating lunch alone. Uh her teammates uh everyone in her team, they had a business outside of the Seoul, so she was the only one. She hit me up. I was like, "Oh, can we have lunch because I'm alone today?" So, "Okay, lunch."

[00:05:36]And quick lunch and over coffee she was telling me about her past experience. Uh the last ex. So, "Okay, I like ex stories." So, I say, "Okay, keep talking then."

[00:05:47]Uh she told me that uh she got beaten uh by her ex. She's probably the only one that I know who got beaten by her boyfriend.

[00:05:56]Um Yeah, physically beating, I don't think so.

[00:05:58]>> of harassment, so.

[00:06:00]Um she said, "Okay, so this is heavy stuff.

[00:06:04]Uh this is quite heavy for coffee after lunch, but it's interesting like, okay." So, she was opening opening up to me, but I didn't get it.

[00:06:13]>> [laughter] >> I thought it was an interesting story.

[00:06:15]So, um but when she was telling me, she seemed quite okay. She was not upset, but uh she was just telling me. So, I said, "Okay, um just sounds interesting like, okay. Can you tell me more?" I said. She was she was actually she she wanted to tell me about her ex's uh ex's story. So, I said, "Okay, please tell me.

[00:06:31]>> [sighs and gasps] >> Um I'm hooked."

[00:06:33]And and she said, "Um her ex was a drinker." She was a drinker, too. So, it's quite common.

[00:06:41]After work, you meet your boyfriend or or girlfriend, have uh a bit of drink over dinner. It's quite common. During the week or weekend, doesn't matter. And she was having that during the week, let's say Tuesday.

[00:06:52]Because she mentioned that the next day she had to come to work. So, she had a light drink over dinner.

[00:06:59]And the boyfriend said, "Let's uh spend night together."

[00:07:02]Like a sleepover uh in motel.

[00:07:06]But she was living with her parents, so that's no-no.

[00:07:08]Um although she was an adult, um Korean family, they don't like that, obviously.

[00:07:14]So, the daughter has to come home. Um if you want the all whole freedom, you you should move out, right? Um but you when you're you're living with your parents, you should respect that, right?

[00:07:24]So, no one wants that. So, she said, "No, I got to go to work, and also I live with my parents. Um I'm not going to do that."

[00:07:31]Uh she told me that her boyfriend had a very bad drinking habits. Uh when he drinks, he gets aggressive and angry, and he doesn't control his emotions. So, he gets quite angry easily, and he has a temper.

[00:07:43]And she knew that, but she didn't know he was that bad. And she he said, "I want intimacy tonight with my girlfriend, you, so don't go home."

[00:07:53]I was like, "No, what are you talking about? I'm going to go home.

[00:07:56]I don't want to go to motel." We shared that in Korea, you can rent a room for a few hours and have that intimacy quickly and leave, which is possible.

[00:08:05]>> [sighs] >> But she was annoyed. So, I don't even want to do that today today because of how you speak to me. I I don't like it, so I'm going to go home." And he got more and more angry.

[00:08:17]And she just stormed out cuz she was so disappointed by her boyfriend.

[00:08:23]>> [gasps] >> Uh she was living in Anyang.

[00:08:27]Uh it's a very crowded area where they had a drink. So, it's full of people.

[00:08:33]And she was walking home, stormed out.

[00:08:36]After storming out, she walking fast, and he followed.

[00:08:39]And he cursed at her in front of everyone.

[00:08:44]And she got so embarrassed. And also insulted, of course, but she was more embarrassed cuz a lot of people looking at her and her boyfriend, and he was like cursing and calling her name and blah blah blah.

[00:08:54]So, >> [gasps] >> my god.

[00:08:56]She didn't even respond, and she kept walking. And she really wanted to avoid the attention, so she walked very close to the wall.

[00:09:07]And he ran up to her from behind and smashed her on the wall.

[00:09:12]And she was bleeding from the head.

[00:09:14]Um obviously, people called police. He was arrested. She was taken to the hospital for the stitches. She had a cut, so >> Ah, really? She had a stitch.

[00:09:23]It's really bad. So, I thought it was a fun story, and then the I mean, I was not ready for this after lunch. And also this is what I mean by she was opening up to me because I didn't know she was interested in me. I didn't know. I still didn't get it like why she was telling me. I thought it was a fun story then this coffee tastes a lot heavier than I expected. I was like okay.

[00:09:47]>> [gasps] >> I always ask the same question when someone has a bad ex or bad ex-girlfriend or bad ex-boyfriend, I always ask the same question. How did you find that guy?

[00:09:57]How did you find that crazy girlfriend?

[00:10:00]How did you meet them? Like where did you meet them?

[00:10:04]So um she because she lives outside of Seoul, Anyang.

[00:10:10]She takes train to Seoul station. From Seoul station she takes bus.

[00:10:13]Near Seoul station there are big bus stop, there are many buses you can take. She would always see a same guy, good looking guy, kind of like me bumping to the same lady in the in this the tube every morning. In my case the lady was not my cup of tea, but for her the guy was her type.

[00:10:32]So he would look at her she would look at him and like she was always she was always thinking that oh this guy's kind of cute.

[00:10:39]And he he caught that, right?

[00:10:42]So she got on the bus and one day he followed her sat next to her.

[00:10:50]And she was confused like you are not usually you don't take this bus usually.

[00:10:55]And she said hello, I want your number.

[00:10:58]If you don't give me your number right now I will not get out and I will have to ride the bus with you and I'll be late for my work.

[00:11:07]If you want me to get out, please give me your number. And she did and she thought it was cute.

[00:11:12]When I heard that story I thought it was very creative and also it takes big balls to do that, right? So I was like that guy's charmer, right?

[00:11:23]And then I and then I realized oh and this guy smacked you.

[00:11:27]>> [laughter] >> Yeah and made you bleed from the head. So, and I realized in Korea, I It's me. It's me. It's my personal opinion.

[00:11:39]Dating someone random is kind of risky.

[00:11:43]Because I used to enjoy blind date, although I have met some bad exes through blind date when the middleman was someone I didn't know well.

[00:11:52]It's similar. Like there's no middleman in this case. He was like a complete stranger. So, you don't really know him, right? And then she decided to go out with him. Like a couple of dates, she decided to be his girlfriend.

[00:12:05]And then she told me that she didn't know he had a such a bad drinking habit and crazy temper.

[00:12:12]And he smacked her on the wall.

[00:12:15]So, yeah.

[00:12:18]She She said that he kind of stalked afterwards as well.

[00:12:22]Like he tried to apologize. Like waiting for her in the in the house in in front of her house and blah blah blah.

[00:12:29]No.

[00:12:31]So, okay. Then I realized, oh, people actually date >> [laughter] >> on their way to work.

[00:12:37]They pick up girls and and men.

[00:12:41]It's interesting.

[00:12:43]I usually can't do it. I I mean I can I can do unlimited small talk with a with a man.

[00:12:50]I feel very comfortable doing that It's my new superpower.

[00:12:54]Being a middle-aged man, but >> [snorts] >> female, it's tricky.

[00:13:00]It's difficult. It's not easy.

[00:13:03]Speaking to her strangers. In Korea, no.

[00:13:05]If it was England, I I think I can do a lot of small talk. I feel I can do it.

[00:13:09]But in Korea, it's especially female, like ladies, women, no. Let us know what's the definition of middle-age, but in Korea, middle-age starts from the 40s. Uh-huh. I think as I was reaching to 40s, I'm in my early 40s now, but as I was reaching to 40s, I gained this superpower called small talk with my clients, tattoo clients, because tattoo is an intimate process.

[00:13:36]And I realized that I was pretty okay or good at um get people talking. And I feel like a lot of middle-aged Koreans, they want to talk. Especially men, they don't have outlets. Uh women a little bit different, they are more open to each other. Women women to women is more open, but uh anyway, so I think I got quite good at uh small talk, having a small talk, because when I was younger, I couldn't do it. Anyway, so recently I moved uh from my old home to the new home. So basically, in in Korea, when you move, usually we hire people or we hire a company. Uh you There are several ways to do it, but me, I hired hired two people.

[00:14:15]>> [sighs and gasps] >> One is a moving guy who owns a truck, and um you can ask him to move your stuff with you, or you can also ask him to pack your stuff as well.

[00:14:25]Obviously, more service, it costs more.

[00:14:28]Or you can just borrow his truck and uh let him drive.

[00:14:33]Um obviously, less service is cheaper, but uh anyway, recently I moved, and I hired two two type of service. One is the moving guy with a truck.

[00:14:43]Second is the ladder truck. So my place, I didn't have a elevator. This stair space was too narrow, so my fridge couldn't go out uh through the stairs. So we opened the whole window, and we hired this truck that has a big ladder, electric ladder, and then you put that uh out, and he only helps to put the fridge to the truck. He doesn't do anything except for taking care of uh his truck with a amazing ladder truck.

[00:15:16]Some foreigners think it's quite interesting. So I hired two people. One the one is the guy with a mover. He he's good with a moving heavy stuff. So he owns a normal truck. The moving guy with a truck, one person, and the other guy with a ladder truck. Electric ladder truck is amazing.

[00:15:33]Uh two separate people. They don't know each other and they have to work together. Harmony, the teamwork of these two is quite critical.

[00:15:41]They have to work closely.

[00:15:44]Um but my case the ladder guy was very chatty, very talkative.

[00:15:50]>> [gasps] >> And the moving guy was very professional, like focused on work.

[00:15:56]Uh so they're opposite. And um the the chatty guy was a happy guy.

[00:16:02]And this guy was not miserable, but he was very focused and very neutral.

[00:16:06]Very professional and he treats me like a client.

[00:16:10]And the ladder guy treat me like a friend.

[00:16:12]>> [laughter] >> Okay. But anyway, I needed their help and I also wanted to be uh like a as friendly as possible so I can negotiate like I you know give me some discounts. Like can we settle this money a little bit lower than you know how much it is.

[00:16:28]So I was nice to them, but this this guy was more professional and working really hard. I was impressed. I was happy, but it was really busy. He was sweating a lot. He was everywhere.

[00:16:39]He was working really hard.

[00:16:40]But the ladder truck guy usually they don't the work is not is a lot less physical.

[00:16:45]They they have to wait a lot outside.

[00:16:48]And they have to control the ladder. And um the moving guy was hating him because he was talking on the phone a lot. He was talking to potential client. He was doing the sales. But because he had a time.

[00:17:02]But we could hear him talking outside when we were in the house.

[00:17:06]But I was nice to him. At the same time I was nice to him. This guy was a lot easier to speak to and he loved talking.

[00:17:11]So you give him like few comments about his car or he his hair or he had a he was limping, he had a condition.

[00:17:20]So, personal stories you ask him, he wouldn't stop talking.

[00:17:25]So, uh this guy hated him, but this guy liked him.

[00:17:29]This guy said, "The moving guy is really good. Uh he's a nice guy you hired a really good guy." I was like, "Yeah, I I think so, too. I love that guy." And this guy says, "Uh this like he talks too much. Like he's he should be focusing on you on your moving, cuz what is he doing?" And he was making personal calls to him.

[00:17:47]>> [laughter] >> He was he was chatting to someone he knows. Um so, I don't mind that because he was doing his job.

[00:17:52]So, we we did everything. We moved everything out, and then uh we had a three cars. This moving guy's truck, my car, the ladder truck. We went to my new home separate. Uh the ladder guy arrived first because the moving guy had to pack everything before depart, and I left the second, and then the ladder guy was waiting for me.

[00:18:15]When I got there, he realized that uh he cannot walk there because of the working condition. My new home is Long story short, you can't use the truck. Um it's too dangerous.

[00:18:27]It's like a uphill. So, he cannot park.

[00:18:29]He has to park, and it's very technical.

[00:18:32]I said, "Well, I'd like to work cuz I I want to make more money, but uh unfortunately uh I wasted my time." He didn't charge me for extra. So, that was very nice of him. But, he was telling me a lot like why he can't do this although he really wanted to do this.

[00:18:47]Uh so, I okay, I understand. And he only asked for like a a bit of tip for his trouble cuz if I if I were him, I would have asked a lot more money uh because he wasted his his time and then gas money and effort to drive there. So, I was like, "I'm sorry. Um how can I compensate you?" And he said, "Just a little bit of money." But, I don't want to do that. I appreciate the guy cuz he he wasn't even mad. He wasn't even annoyed. So, I was like, "Okay."

[00:19:15]Uh and he was he wouldn't stop talking uh explaining why he cannot park here and the balance and he started talking about his whole life.

[00:19:24]>> [laughter] >> I've been doing this for 20 years and then last time I had a situation like this I called this guy and to find out blah blah. Like, "Please shut up. I need to >> [laughter] >> I need to call this guy because the moving guy I I I have to call him like to let him know."

[00:19:41]So, long story short, uh the ladder guy left and he wasn't even mad. I I really love that guy. He was In the end, he was very professional. Like, for me, he was very professional and he was very kind to me.

[00:19:53]And I I thanked him and he just left.

[00:19:59]The moving guy arrived late and he realized, "Oh, he said, "Oh, the ladder guy left, right?" Because he cannot do it because he knew this condition is no no.

[00:20:10]So, anyway, so that's what happened that day.

[00:20:13]Long story short, I cannot use the ladder and I had to carry all the on the stairs with him like including fridge and all that kind of stuff.

[00:20:22]And then I had a very tough day.

[00:20:24]Um So, I paid this guy extra and I I didn't almost pay him for his trouble. That was in the morning and like 5 o'clock the ladder guy called me.

[00:20:35]Um I was I was doing something else. I had it another person who was helping me with the internet and all that like internet and Wi-Fi um So, I I was dealing with someone.

[00:20:48]And this guy ladder ladder truck called me.

[00:20:51]I didn't even save his phone number. So, I was like, "Who is this?" I answered.

[00:20:55]He had a very unique happy voice.

[00:21:00]>> [laughter] [laughter] >> So, oh, that guy that ladder guy who he was >> How was the moving? He's like, "Oh, because, you know, because you I understand that you were lying because I we had to carry the fridge and and everything else manually with him and I cuz this guy's professional, I am not. So, it was very hard and blah blah blah." I said, "Oh, yeah, because I called you because I was curious. I was worried about you."

[00:21:35]"Oh, that's And I was thinking cuz this kind of phone call never happens because him and I our business was done in the morning.

[00:21:41]And it's like a 5:00 now.

[00:21:44]And this new guy is installing the the Wi-Fi and the internet and all the cable and It's everywhere. And I I was busy and he goes and I thought the reason he called cuz he only asked for a tip for his trouble he wasted. Um, he could have asked for like 20 times more than his tip, right? I was I was thinking, maybe he wants more money.

[00:22:07]So, I was waiting for him. So, okay, cut the bull I was thinking, cut the because you're going to ask me for money. No, no, no, no, no.

[00:22:15]He was really curious. I said, "How was the moving?" He's like, "Yeah, so I did this and that and it was over." Like, "How long did it take?" He's like, "It took us like 2 hours."

[00:22:25]"It took us 2 hours because he was supposed to be 1 hour work, so I had to pay the guy more." I was like, "Yeah, but how much did you pay him?"

[00:22:32]Cuz now he's talking about money. So, I was like, "Okay, this is coming."

[00:22:36]Which is expected, also valid. I understand him. I was willing to pay him more. So, I said, "Oh, yeah, I I I I pay him this much extra.

[00:22:45]And I don't I don't think it's a rip-off. He worked really hard. And he was complimenting the moving guy."

[00:22:52]"He was a such a nice dude. He was really good at He's like super professional. Like, I never met him before, but I worked with a lot of moving guys, but he was such a nice nice guy. He was very good at what he did, and he was working really hard. I could tell. Like, I could tell because I have 20 years of experience in moving industry. It's like, okay, this is the second time he's saying that he has 20 years of experience today.

[00:23:14]>> [laughter] >> I was like, okay. And then he goes, "So, you're so lucky." He's like, "Yeah."

[00:23:20]Still waiting. I said, "How much do you want?"

[00:23:23]And he was like, "Yeah, so um did you eat?"

[00:23:26]>> [laughter] >> So, he just called to have a talk. Uh he really loved talking.

[00:23:33]>> Yeah. So, I was like, I I could have talked to him a little bit longer because I was curious about his limping.

[00:23:39]He was like limping like this. He was quite young, like in his 50s. So, I I assume he had an accident. I I was curious how he got it. So, he could go like, "I I used to be a soldier." Or I could be in a in a different industry, whatever. But so, I could have, but I had a internet guy. So, I was like, "Okay. If it's not money, just please hang up."

[00:23:59]And he wouldn't wouldn't. So, I it it took me some time to hang up on him. So, I was like, "Okay."

[00:24:05]I feel like a lot of middle-aged people want to talk.

[00:24:09]Kind of like playing Frank, like people need uh someone to talk to.

[00:24:14]Yeah, that was a unique experience. I hope you enjoyed the video, and uh we'll see you next time.

[00:24:20]Bye.

[00:24:22]>> [music] [music]