“Natural Hair Girls Are Self-Righteous”… The Toxic Shame Culture Nobody Talks About

[00:00:00]I just don't like the people that are self-righteous on a little high horse with their natural hair and their locks and then it's always the people the way they where their natural hair is not even cute. So, you're just talking.

[00:00:09]>> [laughter] >> It's like I would never want to look LIKE YOU.

[00:00:11]>> MOVING ON.

[00:00:14]>> I JUST THINK BE BE NICE with it.

[00:00:16]>> [laughter] >> No, be like chill.

[00:00:18]I would never want TO LOOK LIKE YOU.

[00:00:22]I WOULD NEVER WANT TO LOOK LIKE >> WE SAID THAT THEN YOU'LL BE ANTI-BLACK.

[00:00:24]SO, let's move on.

[00:00:25]>> GIVE A DAMN.

[00:00:26]>> [laughter] >> I BE NICE. LIKE YOU THAT'S THAT'S MY I AM THE PERSON IF YOU SAY IT wrong I'm it won't get lost in translation because sometimes people use the truth to just be a [ __ ] about things.

[00:00:37]>> No, just to be mean. I think people love to like >> Sit on a high horse and be like, "Well, I know better." People do it with everything.

[00:00:42]>> to use the like, "Oh, I'm being honest.

[00:00:44]I'm being truthful." to just be mean.

[00:00:46]>> Just be mean.

[00:00:49]>> My genuine question is, why do you all like baiting black women who wear their natural hair? Because when this clip went viral, I think last month, everybody had the same reaction. I had similar reaction. Most people called her anti-natural hair and some people said she was attacking women who wear their natural hair and those that are on locks. Well, after the whole call-out and dragging in her comment section, she said everyone should go watch the full clip or the full episode on YouTube and I actually did. After watching the full clip, I realized there's a lot more nuance to the conversation. Hi, I'm Essie and you're welcome to my channel where the conversation is real and Essie's got the tea. On this channel, I teach black women to love, grow, and embrace their natural hair and we're challenging the narrative that wigs and weaves non-textured are better than our natural hair, which is not true. For context, the clip that went viral wasn't the entire video or wasn't the entire conversation, but clips like this can be really annoying. I make videos off of videos or clips that I see on TikTok and I feel like you you know what you were doing when you posted that short clip.

[00:01:52]Right? When you posted that short clip talking about, "Oh, I don't want to be like you. I don't want to be like those people who wear their natural hair and locs. You knew the reaction you were expecting. So, asking people to go watch the full clip, I just feel like it's crazy. You all should stop baiting black women who wear their natural hair. But anyways, I decided to go watch the video starting from where they started discussing about natural hair, which was I think 27 minutes into the conversation on their full podcast on YouTube, they started talking about natural hair. And these are some of the things she said.

[00:02:21]She said she doesn't like people who act self-righteous or like they're on a moral high horse because they wear their natural hair or locs. She also said some people use the truth as an excuse to be mean. And she said she believes people who advocate with Oh, she said she believes people should advocate with empathy instead of shaming women who wear wigs.

[00:02:42]And lastly, she's asking y'all to be nice. After people criticized the short clip she posted on TikTok, right? She made another video saying she wasn't talking to all black women who wear their natural hair.

[00:02:55]>> During the discourse a couple weeks ago with the ShauShau's babe and the whole natural hair thing where she came online and she said you guys treat your natural hair a certain way, your natural hair never sees the light of day. Um, let's be honest, let's be real. A lot of natural hair girlies had things to say. The amount of videos I saw was split down the middle of natural hair girlies that were like, "Guys, I'm not going to lie, I've been natural for 15 years. I do think there should be some nuance to this conversation. As a natural hair girly that wears my natural hair every day, I don't think it's black and white."

[00:03:20]You know, and I I I implore gentility.

[00:03:23]I implore nuance and grace when it comes to this topic. And I'm here to advise and to help anyone who wants to learn how to love their hair better. And then there was the a bunch of natural hair girlies that were really, in my opinion, condescending.

[00:03:36]They were really like, "Nah, you guys just hate yourselves. Like you guys just hate yourselves." To me, it was very unfair. I think we filmed the episode 3 weeks later.

[00:03:43]We uploaded the episode for like 3 weeks later after that.

[00:03:47]So, and then it came up and I said, "You know what? To the condescending natural hair girlies, like speak to people, like, make your point empathetically, make it kindly. And that's really how I feel. And it just so happens that all of you natural hair girlies that are condescending, I would never want TO LOOK LIKE YOU.

[00:04:01]And now, you could say it's petty. Cool.

[00:04:03]But now, I grew up on VH1. I'm 30 years old. I know I look young. A lot of people think I'm 30-year-old woman. I grew up on VH1 and Bravo, okay? So, I was having It was a thing. I know.

[00:04:14]It was a thing. I get it.

[00:04:16]I get it. I get it. I GET IT. OH!

[00:04:19]OOH, YOU GOING TO GET MAD? LIKE, HE KEY.

[00:04:21]LIKE, IT WAS A THING. It was a thing.

[00:04:23]It's how I feel, but it was a thing.

[00:04:24]Reason I feel strongly about clearing that up about when I say condescending natural hair girlies, what and who I'm talking about, is because I am not an agent against the black female experience, the black female expansion, the black female like takeover. I damn near believe that the black woman is good. So, that's really what I wanted to clear up what exactly I was referencing when I said what I said. And I just really want to implore you guys to act with care. I said natural hair Some of the natural hair girlies that are condescending and I would never want to look like them. And you guys are [ __ ] You lit that [ __ ] up. You lit that [ __ ] up.

[00:05:02]Are we boycotting companies with the same energy?

[00:05:06]Artists that disrespect us.

[00:05:10]With the same energy?

[00:05:12]I I find that interesting that um it's so easy for you guys to dog pile a black woman when she says something that sounds remotely like something you just I find that interesting. Yeah. Yeah, that's weak tea. That's tea. So, yeah, I hope >> So, let's start with what I agree with.

[00:05:27]There absolutely are people in every community that can be condescending.

[00:05:31]Some people do not educate you, they shame you. So, if your goal is to encouragement to wear their natural hair, making them feel guilty or talking down on them isn't the best way to do it. So, yes, I understand where she's coming from and I understand the point that she's trying to make. But I also think that we should not confuse directness with meanness. Yes, there are people who can use and blunt and blunt to be mean or to be rude. I get it. But then there are also people that are direct. They say things the way they see it. Some people do not know how to communicate in a soft, gentle way.

[00:06:02]That is [clears throat] why we are different. And that doesn't automatically make them a bully. Now, if you're going to judge based off of that short clip that she posted, we can say that she's a mean person just from the way she said, "Oh, I'm never going to look like you. I don't want to be like you. The way you style your hair is not cute." Just based off of that short clip, we can say, "Oh, this person is a mean person. This person is trying to talk down on women who wear their natural hair." Based off of In fact, that was the reason why people had the reaction. That was the reason why I even came across that video on my FYP. I've literally had people calling me mean in a video where I am challenging an idea or a narrative that are harmful. I'm calling out these ideas that are harmful. And people say, "Oh my god, you're mean. You can just be soft about the way you say it."

[00:06:44]Ah.

[00:06:46]I want you all to understand that when people repeatedly talk about our hair on social media, call our hair nappy, ugly, unprofessional, and post it on social media talking about how much they hate their hair, and most of the time they even generalize how their natural hair or natural hair is ugly and all of that, it just doesn't affect those people personally.

[00:07:05]It affects an entire community. It affects the entire people that grows the same hair out of their head. Messages of videos like that reinforce the same stereotype that have been used against black hair for generation. It's not just affecting you, right? It's affecting everybody. Do you understand? Some people literally project in your comment section. You'll post a video talking about praising natural hair, talking about how natural hair is beautiful, how natural hair is this, and the next thing you see is, "Not everyone has good hair."

[00:07:34]"Oh, it's because your hair is long."

[00:07:36]"Oh, it's because it's this." "Oh, my hair could never." Why are you projecting in other people's comment section? I literally watched a video where black women were asking this girl to relax her hair. Someone said, "Oh, just use a keratin treatment to loosen your coil." This girl never asked for that.

[00:07:52]She just posted her hair. She posted I think she was going out or something.

[00:07:55]She just posted a video of her hair and people were giving her tips. Relax it.

[00:07:58]It's ugly. I would never go out like that. If I had your hair, I would be crying. These are some of the comments that women have. Women who wear their natural hair, these are the kind of comments they get. So, it is important to ask why so natural hair girlies or natural hair women, women who wear their natural hair, they are so passionate and defensive because that attitude didn't come from nowhere.

[00:08:19]People didn't just wake up one day and became so defensive about natural hair or passionate about talking about natural hair or creating awareness like this or challenging harmful ideas and narrative about our hair. It came from somewhere. It stemmed from somewhere.

[00:08:32]So, comments like that, talking about how oh, your hair is ugly. If I had your hair, I would cry. If I did this Do you think comments like that are okay?

[00:08:40]Do you think those people are not being mean?

[00:08:42]They are being mean.

[00:08:44]They are being mean to a woman who is wearing her natural hair.

[00:08:47]And then when there is a reaction, people call women who wear their natural hair mean.

[00:08:54]So, while I don't support being outrightly rude or mean to people, I understand where this whole frustration is coming from. I understand where Even before I started making commentary videos, do you know how upset I get sometimes when I see certain comments?

[00:09:09]Like before I had the video of talking about natural hair, making commentary like this. Do you know how I feel when I see people talking down on women's hair?

[00:09:17]Because I've experienced it. You think I'm just making videos? I've had my own fair share of people saying mean things about my hair.

[00:09:25]Sometimes I get good comments. Sometimes I get people you know, negative comments about my hair.

[00:09:31]You people should understand where this frustration is coming from. Oh, we need empathy. Then people who bully natural hair women, why is there no empathy in the way they talk about black women's hair? And the crazy part is these women, they still have If they're not relaxing their hair, they're not straightening their hair, they're not hiding their hair, we all have similar textures growing out of our heads.

[00:09:57]The only thing like one of the thing that amuses me is how you all just sit comfortably and talk down on the same hair texture that is probably grown out of your head. It's weird about it.

[00:10:08]Something is wrong. I want you all to understand something. A lot of this reaction you see developed as a result of years of being ridiculed and told that our natural hair constantly told that our natural hair isn't enough or it doesn't fit the beauty standard.

[00:10:21]Beauty standard that wasn't even made for us anyway.

[00:10:26]I just want you all to be nice. Be nice about it.

[00:10:30]Say that to the people who look down on people's hair. Say that to the people who suggest that a black woman relaxes her hair or use a a treatment that will loosen her texture when she never asked for it. Say that to people who are comfortably saying negative things about a black woman's hair in the comment section.

[00:10:48]I don't know how you all are only reacting to when black girls or like women who wear their natural hair, when they make videos, but you all don't see it. You all don't see other people saying those negative things about natural hair. People who wear weaves or weaves.

[00:11:03]You all don't have any issues when they says mean things to girls on natural hair, but you all have issues when it's coming from natural hair girls.

[00:11:12]Suddenly there is no empathy. Suddenly you guys are being mean. Suddenly you guys are just using the truth to be mean. So, in my opinion, I think it's okay to call out certain beauty standards that are harmful and beauty standards that can affect women in our community. But what is not okay is insulting people or trying to make them feel less of themselves because you reached a level that they've not reached.

[00:11:37]If you are able to wear your natural hair comfortably, confidently, if you're able to wear your natural hair to places, you don't even feel anything, you don't feel the pressure from society, it means that you've reached or you've attained a certain level in your natural hair journey. But that doesn't give you the right to talk down on people who are still struggling to fall in love with their natural hair or talk down to people who are learning to love their natural hair.

[00:12:00]You understand? But one thing is for sure, we'll continue making videos calling out these harmful, you know, beauty standards that has black women on a chokehold. Women are losing their edges. Women are losing their hair.

[00:12:12]Women, their hair is their actual hair is unhealthy. Why they care for wigs?

[00:12:17]We'll continue to call out these harmful beauty standards.

[00:12:22]But we'll try as much as to be empathetic since that's what you guys are requesting for. Anyways, you all let me know your thoughts about this video in the comment section. I'd love to hear from you. You don't forget to like, comment, share.

[00:12:32]Subscribe if you haven't and I'm going to see you in my next video. Bye-bye.