Stop Drinking and Start Living! Happy to Help #18

Added: 2026-05-23

[00:00:27]Hi, I'm Maddie Smith, Doctor of help.

[00:00:30]And this is happy to help. This is the show where you can call in. By the way, my number is 323-570 help. That's 323-570-4357.

[00:00:41]We have real callers from all over the world dishing, asking me what to do. How do I change my life? Maddie, Dr. Maddie, can you help me see the light in this dark path that I'm on? Maddie, can you give me guidance of where I can go from here? Maddie, I am in a dark place and I need fixing. Well, guess what? I'm happy to help. I'm here. I'm Maddie Smith. I'm happy to help. I'm a doctor of help.

[00:01:09]Stanford trained psychologist.

[00:01:11]Psychologist of the mind and not the body, the mind and the soul. If you have issues related to acne, bad skin, fleas, lice, if your dog bit you and it's infected, do not call me. I am a doctor of the mind. If you have issues related to relationship, confidence, and fear of death, call me. I'm your doctor of help.

[00:01:41]Today we're talking alcohol, partying, social drugs. Do you do them? I know I do sometimes. We had a um get together for all the doctors in our our department and some of us got a little bit tipsy on those apperal spritz drinks that it's um it's just funny how quickly it can hit and all of a sudden I'm looking at my co-therapist Ryan wondering, "Well, never mind. I I don't want to get myself in trouble." Alcohol can make us act in ways we did not even think could happen. It's gives you liquid courage, but it also can make you sick. It also can make you angry. It also can make you sad. It's risky in that way as all mindbending substances are. So, today we have a couple callers dealing with this substance. We're going to take them in.

[00:02:37]We're going to lead them into the light and hopefully help a couple people.

[00:02:41]definitely the specific callers. But if you're listening and you are you got an alcohol issue, you got a drug issue, you got a partying issue, listen to me because we're here to help. Let's take our first caller. 323570 help. That's 3235704357.

[00:02:57]I'm Dr. Maddie Smith. I'm happy to help.

[00:03:00]Let's get a little voicemail going.

[00:03:05]>> Hey Maddie, how you doing ma'am?

[00:03:07]>> Love everything you do.

[00:03:10]But yeah, I need help. I'm an alcoholic and I am trying to stop trying.

[00:03:17]>> My name is Jose Fontes.

[00:03:19]>> All right.

[00:03:21]You know, these calls are supposed to be anonymous. The whole idea is that we're helping people anonymously.

[00:03:27]But you throw your name in there, I'm going to think you're drunk. You definitely have a problem with alcohol.

[00:03:31]This is a short question. I would actually argue that I am not a doctor of this. I am not a doctor of sobriety. I am a doctor of the mind, but getting sober is a mind challenge. So, I will help you through the psychological uh journey of sobering up. If you're at the point where you're drinking alcohol on a regular basis, I would guess daily, and you're saying, "I need help." You need help. If you're at the point where you are struggling with putting down the bottle, you need help.

[00:04:09]You need a support system. First, I want to talk about the psychological impacts of quitting alcohol because they are they are there's a multitude. Getting rid of alcohol brings consistency into your life. Getting rid of alcohol gets rid of anxiety, hangovers, the feeling of I'm a failure. Sure, that first sip feels wonderful, but you know what doesn't feel wonderful? Throwing up your organs the next day. You know what doesn't feel wonderful? Screaming at your adult children. When you quit alcohol, you get rid of all of those negative things. Sure. Oh, you can't party anymore and, you know, feel your liquid courage and all the confidence that comes with alcohol, but guess what?

[00:04:55]You're not coming home and screaming in front of a newborn baby. The impacts of quitting alcohol far outweigh the risk of sticking with it. So, anyone who's trying to get sober, I always tell them you will feel infinitely better once you every day is better in the sobriety lifestyle. If you're someone who can't quit, you got to get a support system. You need to tell your family, "I'm ready to quit." You need to tell your loved ones, "I'm out." And you need to say the words, "I need help."

[00:05:34]Quitting alcohol after many years of consuming it is not something I would recommend going out alone. Sure you can, but where's the willpower when you walk by a pub at 2 a.m. and hear those voices singing, "Oh, me mama like a wagon wheel?" You're going to want a beer. So, I would recommend first telling your friends and loved ones, "I need help and I'm ready to go on my journey." Second, Alcoholics Anonymous. Yes, they do have Christian undertones, but they are strong resources. There are meetings in every town. There are meetings in bum nowhere. You can find an AA meeting and guess what? They have free coffee and cookies. Go to an AA meeting. Find a sponsor. Open up about your struggle.

[00:06:17]Talk about it. Don't be afraid. You know what makes for a strong man? Sobering up. You know what? Weak men are alcoholics.

[00:06:26]Consuming alcohol. So, I want you to look into the resources for quitting alcohol. That includes meetings, loved ones, books, audiobooks, podcasts, YouTube videos. There's infinite resources on quitting alcohol out there.

[00:06:42]And I want you to write down why you want to quit. Write it down. Don't be afraid. Get a pen. Get a paper. Write down everything. Write down everything that alcohol is not good for. Okay? Make a list. And then write a sentence. Why do I want to quit alcohol? Keep that notebook open on your desk and read it every morning. Remind yourself because you know it's same way you go on a diet first three days. Oh, I'm loving myself.

[00:07:07]Fourth day cheeseburger. You need to be able to stick with it. You can't let these thoughts fleet away from you.

[00:07:13]That's why you need to tell people.

[00:07:15]That's why you need to keep yourself accountable and you have to identify back to that identity, right? You want to identify as someone who takes care of themselves. And someone who takes care of themselves isn't hitting the bottle every day. So, it's a shift in mindset and how you look at yourself. A lot of alcoholics tell themselves, "I'm just addicted. I can't stop. I'm going to be addicted forever." No, you're not. No, you're not. Cuz you could wake up tomorrow and say, "I'm a healthy person and I am done with that lifestyle." So, that's what you're going to do. You're going to tell people. You're going to accountable yourself. You're going to write it down and you're going to live that life every day. I want you to start meditating. I want you to start exercising. I want you to start eating leafy greens, become obsessed with health, and find a hobby. Really, at the end of the day, find a hobby that gives you, you know, nothing's going to hit the way alcohol does. I'm going to be honest with you. Nothing is going to hit the way a a blue moon and an empty stomach hits.

[00:08:13]But there's alternatives. Sports, the gym, drawing, reading, movies, TV.

[00:08:20]There's a lot of hiking, getting outside. There's all sorts of things you can do. You just got to fill your days.

[00:08:27]Busy, busy, busy, busy, busy. And don't hit the club. Don't go to the bars. I would recommend don't go to the bars.

[00:08:32]Don't if you can't be around alcohol, don't be around alcohol. Don't have it at home.

[00:08:40]First step, pour all that gin whiskey out. Pour it out. And don't go places where there are alcohol. If you have friends who are drinking a lot, don't hang out with them or tell them I'm not drinking. And if you try to get me to drink, you're not my friend anymore. You have to hold your own because guess what? At the end of the day, you know, I'm telling you, build your support system. At the end of the day, you are all you have. You want to quit, then quit.

[00:09:01]That's what I have to say. Hopefully that helps. Maddie Smith, doctor of help. Happy to help. 3235704357.

[00:09:08]That's 323570 help. Let's take another caller.

[00:09:17]Hey, Maddie. Uh, 54 year old male.

[00:09:21]Uh, my daughter was killed by a drunk driver in 2016 and the only reason I'm still here is because my family and I needed to be here for them.

[00:09:38]But ever since that happened, uh my life has slowly been falling apart. I can't keep a job. I can't work in public. It's very hard to do.

[00:09:54]And I am failing my family. My wife has to work and support us while I sit and do nothing.

[00:10:05]And I'm just honestly trying to find a reason why I should continue. Um, death doesn't seem like such a bad thing.

[00:10:18]>> Oh Jesus.

[00:10:19]>> I don't know why I should remain on this earth and continue. And I just, you know, want a reason why I should.

[00:10:34]So, I don't know if you can help me with that or not, but I don't know.

[00:10:42]>> I got you. I got you. I got you. Thank you. Thanks for calling. Heavy.

[00:10:47]Heavy. But that's why I'm here. That's why I'm here. There's a million other things better than death. I know when I have a bad day, I'm like, I'll just kill myself. But no, don't. You have a wife.

[00:11:01]You have a family. Let's start there.

[00:11:04]Okay, you were your wife before your daughter ever came around. Throw that out there. So, let's just stop for a second. Don't kill yourself. Please don't. I'm a doctor of health.

[00:11:15]Hopefully, this is reaching you before you do that. Death is not the option.

[00:11:19]Death is not even on the menu. So, don't even What it sounds like you're dealing with is depression and PTSD.

[00:11:28]You can't hold a job. You can't go out.

[00:11:30]You just want to sit on the couch all day. That's a classic case of the sads down in the dumps. You're numb and you want to kill yourself. But we're not going to do that because you know how you feel right now with your daughter dying few years ago. That's how everyone in your life is going to feel when you yourself. So what she what happened to her happened to you is going to happen to more people if you kill yourself.

[00:11:58]Okay? So don't do that. Don't do that.

[00:12:01]Don't do that. Don't do that. But it sounds like we got to get you out of this rut. Death is a very, very tough thing to deal with. Especially death of a child. I cannot imagine. My deepest condolences, but you got to see someone. You got to see someone oneon-one. I don't know what your therapy situation is. I know men don't like the word therapy.

[00:12:28]So, I don't know what's a different word than therapy. Guided help. You need some guided help. You need one-on-one with a professional who can walk you through your trauma and help you get out again.

[00:12:44]Learn how to appreciate life. Learn that this is something that happened to you, but it does not uh what's the word?

[00:12:54]>> Define you.

[00:12:54]>> Define.

[00:12:56]Define defined. It does not define you cuz you got a lot of life to live. I know your daughter died, but you got to talk it out with someone, a professional, not some sort of betterhelp.com, not some woo woo blah blah blah psychologist, doctor, maybe a licensed clinical social worker if that's what the therapy is offered in your area. therapy you can do on Zoom, you can do in person, you can get a guy, you can get a girl, you can get a they them. You can find someone you don't like, and you can get another person in a second. It's like dating.

[00:13:34]But you want to get someone who's consistent, who you can start opening up to, who can start recognizing your patterns and who can give you coping mechanisms for what you're dealing with on the dayto day. Now, until that happens, and you know, you're probably going to see this. Hopefully, you didn't kill yourself.

[00:13:53]I want you to step back for a second and kind of think about how many years have passed since your daughter died and how you fell into this hole of despair and how you would prefer your life to look.

[00:14:08]We're going to start with some gratitude. I know it's a little woowoo, but I want you to start thinking about things you are grateful for. Your wife, she goes to work. She supports you.

[00:14:19]That's big.

[00:14:21]I want to write that down. I'm grateful for my wife who supports me. What else?

[00:14:25]Sounds like you got a couch. I'm grateful for my couch for sure. What else? Do you like pizza? I'm grateful for pizza. You got any pets? You got a cat? Grateful for my cat. It's actually physically impossible to be anxious while you are displaying gratitude. I know your daughter died, so it sounds like white but these are little things you can do while you are about to seek professional help. I want you to start flipping it. Look at everything that's bad. What about some stuff that's good? Start noting some stuff that's good. Start exercising a little bit. I don't know if you're exercising, take a walk outside. Start Oo, lap swimming. That's good. Swimming laps. That shuts the brain off. art, reading, movies, getting out, reaching out to loved ones, opening up to your wife, telling her, "I am sad."

[00:15:21]Okay, I know sometimes when people die, family members go into their little hvels and they grief separately, but you know what? You got to get together with her cuz it was her kid, too. It was her kid, too. Does your daughter have siblings? Tell them. I'm still up from what happened, but you have a life to live, and I would hate to see you wallow away while you can recover from a hard-hitting event. I've seen people recover from things like this by getting involved in their local Mothers Against Drunk Drivings chapters.

[00:15:55]I know you're not a mother, but sure, you can get involved. There's fathers are welcome. And um I would just recommend getting busier than you are.

[00:16:05]It's really easy to get stuck in the loops of sadness, despair, and hopelessness when you're uh when you're idle. So, start moving around a little more. Open up to your loved ones. Find a professional you can meet with one-on-one, preferably on a weekly basis, and tell them the truth. Don't be embarrassed. Tell your loved ones how you feel. tell them I can't get up at night. There might even be a medication.

[00:16:33]I don't know. I I know people don't like the pills, but in the short term, there might be a medication that can put a little pep in your step and a therapist would help for you to unpack some of your grief and learn a little bit more about yourself and how your life can unfold in a more happy way. and you'll realize that maybe your daughter doesn't want you to be like this. She did, but would she want you to be living a life like this or would she prefer you're out and about, you know, going to the mall, stuff like that? So, think about your daughter and what maybe she would have wanted. I know death is so it's very hard to recover from, but it's a mindset shift. It's medication, therapy, and a support system. All of which I don't know that you have right now. But death is not the answer. Okay.

[00:17:29]Hopefully that helps. Was that helpful?

[00:17:32]It's really dark.

[00:17:35]You got to take it back to positives.

[00:17:39]It's literally like looking at a flower and being like, "Oh, it's so beautiful."

[00:17:45]You know what I mean?

[00:17:47]You got to appreciate little things and then go up from there and then sounds like you got mending the relationship with your wife a little bit too. So maybe even couples therapy. A lot of people deal with death in the family and then they go to couples therapy cuz they're butdding it out over how they're grieving. Okay. So I would recommend personal therapy, couples therapy. Get out journaling, gratitude journal. Start writing everything down.

[00:18:13]starting. You need an outlet for this anger, for the sadness, and you're going to find it. I can guarantee it. That's been happy to help. I'm Dr. Maddie. Um 3235704357.

[00:18:25]Drop me a line. Give me a voicemail. I'm here to help with all of your issues.

[00:18:29]And we'll see you next time.

[00:18:45]Okay.

[00:18:49]Bye-bye.