Q&A: How Should People Deal with Infertility?

Hinzugefügt: 2026-05-28

[00:00:00]All right, next one's what about infertility?

[00:00:04]>> So for those struggling with infertility, when are we to seek medical testing or treatment? Or are we to trust the Lord provides children in his way and timing alone? Are we in charge of how many and when we have kids does God choose? Why does God bless some women with many children and others with few or none even when they long for these blessings from the Lord's? So how do we deal with infertility?

[00:00:28]The this is very very difficult. The there's a handful of attacks that come to couples that are that are longing for children and don't have it.

[00:00:40]And they're spiritual afflictions.

[00:00:43]They're afflictions of the heart as well as afflictions of the body.

[00:00:48]They are and they are profound. One of the most the sharpest temptations is to despise the gift of children that God gives to other people. And especially especially when so you know there's a handful we we got all these babies at St. Paul. It's crazy. But there's a you know there's couples that are are praying and longing for this gift of children and the gift isn't coming. And and every time there's an announcement of another baby on the way, it just it hurts, you know, hurts. And it's and it's conf it's uh it's made even more profound by the whole like like looking around our culture and and with the whole question of abortion and how the Lord seemingly will give children to people who don't want them who don't want them so much that they'll murder them.

[00:01:48]Why? And and this why would the Lord do that?

[00:01:52]put a baby in that inhospitable womb, but not in this womb that's longing for a child. Oi, oi, is that a hard temptation. I mean, it just that is a is a really deep affliction. And and when those temptations come along and this is there's a there's always a danger to then um I don't know to to seek remedy in things that are on the edge. So there's there's a temptation towards magic. There's a temptation towards kind of uh medical uh extreme medical in uh in uh intervention.

[00:02:41]There's a temptation towards I mean it you start thinking about all sorts of crazy things like what do we got to do to to do this? It's and I I suppose it's the same thing that happens um with us with all of us you know the more desperate our situation is then the then the more the less constrained our imagination becomes and so um it's a it's a I I'm haven't answered the question I' I'm just trying to sympathize with the fantastic difficulties of couples who are in the in the situation. So that's maybe the to set the playing field. So thoughts on that, Pastor Packer?

[00:03:20]>> I was just going to recommend if if the person who sent this doesn't have it, you should go on Amazon and buy Katie Shoreman's book, He Remembers the Baron.

[00:03:28]Uh it's a fantastic resource for couples who are struggling with this. Like it's just wonderful. I I try to buy copies for people when they come to me and talk about that, have the church get it for them so that they can have that as a resource. Um so get that and and read that and meditate upon that. She's got a lot of great wisdom and advice for those of you are who are suffering through that. It's it's just fantastic. So, um, He remembers the Baron. You can get it from Amazon. That's Katie Sherman. She's got a lot of other books on Amazon, but uh, look for that one. So, >> that would be my number one recommendation.

[00:04:04]>> The more we have to recognize the moral risks that start to come in and th this would go under the rubric of the separation of goods. That's how the kind of classic Christian thought has is given has given us to think about it. So the further we separate the goods like in in other words the further you separate um the act of marriage and intimacy between husband and wife from conception and having a child the more opportunity there is for for evil to enter in. Uh so that so we want to have a number of constraints that are there. First we and and I think this is going to be as we think about what's the right thing to do. We have to be willing to suffer.

[00:04:48]This is not with just with infertility but it's with everything in life. I if we cannot start our Christian life refusing to be willing to suffer. It's what that's what epicurionism is. It's a refusal to suffer. So that even if there is suffering you have to address it in every sort of way including then uh I mean this is where youth in Asia comes in and all this sort of stuff you have to end life so that you can end suffering so that no the Christian has to has to start with a willingness to suffer and if the Lord is going to hand over the suffering the cross of infertility to a couple you have to be willing to receive it. You c you can't refuse the Lord's crosses. This is the case again not just with this situation but for every situation. So so here we say am I willing to suffer this if and and because if I'm not I am going to sin I even my unwillingness to suffer itself is going to be a sin. Okay. We we have to think about that though, Pastor Packer. Like I mean, when a guy's going to become a pastor or when a couple's going to get married or whenever you're going to venture onto anything, you have to you have to say, "Am I willing to suffer here?" Um, and if we're and there's a great danger if we say, "We're not we're not willing to suffer this cross. We're not willing to remain infertile. We're not willing to not have children. We're going to do whatever it takes." That that that that's going to be dangerous. Say, "No, I'm willing to suffer." And then to say what are the what are the interventions that we can pursue that keep the goods together. In other words, no other person is going to enter into the to the circumstance here.

[00:06:29]You know, we're not going to get donors for sperm and egg. That's not what the Lord has has um has called us to. He wants he wants us to to become one flesh. We're not going to do anything that would result in um in death or in in life that is not brought cared to for fruition. So this would be like major IVF treatment where you have multiple eggs that are fertilized and then mostly frozen and a lot of those remain. this this can't be an option for the Christian couple where where uh where kind of mathematics enters in uh and and so you start doing this calculus of how many eggs do you have to have fertilized to reach viability and all this sort of stuff that once you start entering into that place it's very very dangerous spiritually uh luckily the constraint that Christians have for conception has led to a lot of other sort of medical options that are not dangerous.

[00:07:32]In other words, there's health treatments for and just depending on where the difficulties are, if it's on the husband's side or on the wife's side or or in, you know, kind of in between.

[00:07:43]There's there's a lot of different options. And it seems like there's some some fertil some non um non-mechanical even just like slightly medical interventions that are available now that that the uh reproductive like big reproduction complex don't want to mention because there's big money in all these things. Big money in IVF and big money in all this. So to look into those other options, I I'm not of course not an expert on this. Well, I don't know if course I hope that all you who are watching assume that I'm not an expert on anything actually, but so of course I'm not an expert on any of it. But to look into these other other options, there's a lot of good stuff that's available that's kind of shown amazing results.

[00:08:33]>> Uh I think that's a that's a great answer. I don't have anything to add to that. The other maybe just the story that I've heard is as soon as there's couples who can't have children, as soon as they adopt a baby, then they have they get pregnant. So that that's a Have you heard those stories? It's an amazing thing. So >> I I know I know some examples of that happening. I mean that's I mean that's another since you brought it up like that's another great option for those who cannot have their own children is adoption or foster care. uh not that you must do those things, but it's at least worth looking into and seriously considering that perhaps that's that's a way God would provide you children to love and care for. So those are those are things we don't want to overlook or or just think, well, those aren't my own children, so I don't really want to consider that as an option. So I think that's something to pray about at least and consider.

[00:09:26]>> Yep. and talk to your pastor. And and here's the here's the way to check to check your heart is that are you happy or are you angry when you hear about your friends having children. That's a good place just like you want you want to rejoice in the gift of children across the board. The that's the same sort of test by the way that if you're if you're single and you're longing for marriage and then you hear about your friends getting engaged, are you angry about that? Are you are you happy about that? And it's natural to be upset about it. It's natural that the first thing is this.

[00:10:00]Uh but to to to know that that's from your sinful flesh and that the Lord has called us to be rejoicing in the gift of marriage and family even if we don't have it. So even if I'm single, I'm still rejoicing in the gift of marriage.

[00:10:12]Even if I'm if I don't have children, I'm rejoicing in the gift of of children. Even if I don't have grandchildren, I'm rejoicing in the gift of my friends who have grandchildren and so forth. So that we have this shared joy in the institutions even if we are not experiencing them our ourselves and that's that's part of the angelic joy to which the Christian is called. Hey YouTube theologians this Q&A is brought to you by Rome examined. I mean not really I'm just advertising it but it's it's free. wolffuer.co/ro you can download this. You can buy the book too but you can download this PDF for free. I mean not don't you have to give an email. Don't have to do anything. You just download the thing and you've got it. It's part one, Martin Kemnets on scripture, tradition, original sin, and justification. This is an essential book uh to have in your library. I hope you enjoy it. I'm so happy to be part of making it available for you for free. For free, for free.

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