White Women Open Up About Dating Black/African Men

Added: 2026-05-17

[00:00:00]Things I've learned from dating a black guy.

[00:00:02]First off, seasoning. These, throw them in the trash. Just kidding, I've never used that as seasoning, but since being with a black guy, you know, before, couple seasonings, nah. If you're putting three seasonings on chicken, that's not enough.

[00:00:19]We got like all these.

[00:00:22]And almost every time, depending on what you're cooking, almost every single one's going in. You mix it up in a bowl, you know?

[00:00:29]But before I dated a black guy, you know, you just sprinkle it on the chicken. Nah, that's nasty now.

[00:00:35]Never go back.

[00:00:37]Seasonings, best thing you need for your chicken. In honor of Haitian Flag Day, I'm going to tell you five things that I've learned over the last 11 years of being married to a Haitian man. Number one, it is very important that you show up to events an hour after they were scheduled to begin. And if you show up any time before that expecting anybody to be there, you are an idiot. Number two, everybody is going to double cheek kiss you. Family, friends, acquaintances, strangers, they're all going to kiss you. The first time that I met my husband's family was at his sister's wedding, bold, I know. I didn't know anybody in that room except for my husband, but pretty much everybody kissed me.

[00:01:09]And as someone who is not very affectionate to anybody except for my husband, it is safe to say that I was woefully unprepared. Number three, potatoes are a thing of the past. We only eat rice now. And there's like a hundred different kinds of rice. Black rice, rice with lima beans, plain just jasmine rice, rice with peas, all rice.

[00:01:25]Number four, this sound.

[00:01:28]That means you are in trouble, yep. Um that is not something that you want to hear, and I don't need to know French or Creole to know that whatever they're saying to you after that, they are not happy with you. And number five is that ginger tea fixes everything. Sinus infection? Ginger tea. Influenza? Ginger tea. Headache? Ginger tea. Stomach bug?

[00:01:44]Ginger tea. Strep throat? Ginger tea.

[00:01:46]You're just in a bad mood? Ginger tea.

[00:01:48]And while you're there gagging trying to choke it down because it is literally burning your insides, they're going to be slow sipping it in the corner because they enjoy it. Like just for fun, but it does work. So. Nigerian household items that are totally new to me. Number one, floor rags. In this household, we have old clothes that have been converted to just rags that just like live on the floor. It works, particularly in the kitchen. Number two, humongous grinder dedicated purely to pepper. We have food processors in the West, obviously, but usually I would make a smoothie. I would not be blending pepper exclusively.

[00:02:19]Number three, the mothball. Moth small smelly smelly things. Smell like grandmas. My boyfriend says that they scare away my cockroaches. Yes, but I I don't want to go out of the house smelling like a grandma. If I have them in my house, am I going to like soak in the smell as well? I'm not a grandma.

[00:02:32]I'm youngish. [music] Number four, rechargeable fans. In Nigeria, electricity is not a given.

[00:02:39]NEPA is a fickle fickle fickle thing.

[00:02:41]So, obviously, when the power cuts out, if you're blessed, you have solar power, but what if the solar cuts out? What if there's been no sun? Have a rechargeable fan. Number five, the super cool swishy swishy broom. I think that many many countries all over the world have different approaches to sweeping. In Vietnam, they have this kind of broom.

[00:02:57]In Australia, I grew up with this kind of broom. Of course, you can access this kind of broom here in Nigeria, too, but I prefer the local broom. The the long swishy swishy one made of, I think, palm leaves. Number six, giant mats. Like a rug, but better. If you want to go sit outside, you just take a giant mat, but also, get out of that, you've got a bed.

[00:03:14]Anyway, what are some other classic [music] Nigerian household items? Let me know in the comments. Thank you. Bye. Of course, I'm married to a Nigerian. He never lets me pay the bill.

[00:03:27]Excuse me, can I pay, please?

[00:03:32]Of course, my husband is Nigerian. He always screams on the phone. Hello, my brother. It is not about that, but but the after we win the league, I'll tell you something that you already know.

[00:03:42]See the goat that they rice put in, the rice and the everything enter at the same time.

[00:03:46]>> [laughter] >> My brother. Of course, my husband is a Nigerian. He doesn't like like he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he he >> [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] >> Of course my husband is Nigerian and he doesn't get the first thing on the shelf. He looks for the one at the back.

[00:04:22]Those ones are the ones that expire last.

[00:04:25]washing Yes. Washing for the machine.

[00:04:28]Oh, yeah. That's right.

[00:04:29]I'm dating a South African man and I live in Germany. And when I'm late, I just say that I'm sorry. I'm late because there was a delay with the train. That's it.

[00:04:39]But when he is late, he is like Yeah, baby. You won't believe it. I was driving. Then the robot was out. Then I saw a guy selling the biggest watermelon you've ever seen. So I had to stop. And then I heard a strange noise from my car. And he goes on and on and on.

[00:05:02]The whole drama for being late. One thing interracial relationships always reveal is that love is not always the only adjustment.

[00:05:13]Sometimes it's the little everyday habits, traditions, and lifestyle differences that surprise people the most. Hey beautiful family. How are you all doing?

[00:05:27]So our today's video is a light-hearted one, but also interesting.

[00:05:34]We have white women who often talk about the little things they had to get used to, the habits they discovered that completely surprised them when dating or married to an African or a black man.

[00:05:55]Some of them are funny, some are awesome, and some actually say a lot about how different cultures live and connect with people. Anyway, guys, without wasting much time, let's just get right into it. What have you learned since you've been married to a black African man? Well, being married to a black African man, I now eat so much more spicy food. Way more spicy food.

[00:06:17]>> you can't handle the spicy food.

[00:06:18]>> I can now. I've brought meat into my diet.

[00:06:21]>> Yeah, but what is about meat? I used to eat chicken and fish, and now I eat so much more red meat. I moisturize after every shower. I don't even really have dry skin, but I'm always moisturizing.

[00:06:32]>> I'm a good positive influence on you.

[00:06:34]And lip balm. I'm always buying new lip balm. I've got a thing for lip balm.

[00:06:39]>> But you can't have chapped lips. You're morphing into me. One day you're going to start looking like me. How about that?

[00:06:44]>> I'm always last minute and late for things.

[00:06:48]I can never be on time.

[00:06:50]So laid back and last minute. What are you trying to say? I used to be very punctual, and now I'm always late. So you're blaming that on being married to me?

[00:06:58]>> Yes. Then now you're on African time.

[00:07:01]>> back. We don't leave the house. But what are you in a rush for? To get to places on time.

[00:07:06]>> What for? And the other thing, I talk so much louder, and I use loads of hand gestures all the time. Hand gestures.

[00:07:14]Hand gestures. Cuz you've got to be expressive. See? See, you're doing it now. Suddenly, and then you criticize me. What are you doing with your hand?

[00:07:23]>> You can't just use hand gestures willingly. You've got to say Use the hand gesture for the right thing. You can't just be swiping left and right.

[00:07:30]You don't just swipe. It's got to be for the right one.

[00:07:33]It's everyone wants a part two, and we're going to do a part two. But first, can we just talk about how sometimes you're in a really bad freaking mood for no reason? Cuz that is today. I have no reason to be in a ridiculously bad mood and yet here we are. Like RIP to anyone that has to come in contact with me today. And before anybody comments about how I forgot to tan my hands, I didn't forget to tan my hands. I'm just a pasty girl out here trying to have a fake tan who also is hygienic and washes her hands sometimes.

[00:08:04]Let's do this. Part two of things that I have learned over the last 11 years of being married to a Haitian man. Number one, January 1st, Haitian Independence Day, you are eating soup joumou, period.

[00:08:16]Period. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

[00:08:19]Probably tomorrow's breakfast, lunch, and dinner. You are eating soup joumou.

[00:08:24]That is it. That is all. You're going to go get pizza? No, we're not. Soup joumou forever until we run out. It's really good though. Number two, we just talked about one of my most recent videos, but there are no measurements or recipes for any of their food. If you like something that they made and you ask them for a recipe, buckle up cuz isn't one. And it honestly makes sense because if you grow up making something and you are used to it and you know what it should look like and you know what it should taste like, then of course you can just eyeball it.

[00:08:51]And apparently, as I have learned through my comment section, they just keep seasoning until their ancestors tell them to stop. Maybe hypothetically speaking, how does a girl get access to those ancestral whisperings because I Number three, and this goes along with the rule of being at least a minimum of 1 hour late to events. If you show up prior to that and the event has not started yet, you are now part of the setup crew. Do you know how many parties I've set up? A lot. There is also a possibility that they do not have everything that they need and you are going to be running to so-and-so's house or running to the grocery store to get something because they don't have it.

[00:09:24]Number four, I cannot live without lotion. I have lotion in my car, in my bag, in my room, in my bathroom, in my kitchen, in my laundry room. It is everywhere. But we don't use lotion, we use Vaseline. Just be rubbing Vaseline all over their face. Like they are bathing in Vaseline. And I don't know, maybe that is the secret as to why y'all get to look 40 when you're 80, but I get to look 80 when I'm 20. I don't know.

[00:09:46]And number five is that their food needs to be exactly boiling hot in order to be edible. I can pull my husband's food directly out of the oven, put it on to his plate, and give it to him. He is going to put it in his mouth, and it is going to go directly into the microwave because unless it is going to give him blisters going down his throat, it is not edible. Like how hot does one person's food need to be? Really freaking hot, that's the answer.

[00:10:10]Igbo culture taught me one of the most important lessons of my life. So, for a very long time, I was not aware that I actually struggle with doing nothing.

[00:10:21]It's very difficult for me to relax, and it was only after I got married to someone from different culture that helped me gain perspective on this. So, my husband is Igbo, I am Polish, and we have very different philosophy about what it means to relax. For my husband, it's really a necessity, part of health, part of hygiene, part of daily routine that you need in order to be productive.

[00:10:46]But for me, it's a right that has to be earned through hard work. And it was only as an adult that I realized that this might be cultural. I think a lot of Polish people have the same mentality.

[00:11:00]Resting makes us often feel guilty. And it's not like we don't know how to have a good time because Polish people absolutely know how to have the best time, um but I think it's about self-identification. I think that our culture subconsciously taught us that our worth is based on how productive we are. And then it made me generally curious. Is it possible that culture shapes our nervous system? Well, sometimes it takes a life between cultures and between different worlds to start seeing patterns that have been invisible your entire life. Things have changed in the last 7 years of being married to a black man. First off, I wash my chicken, most important. I wear a bonnet.

[00:11:49]I scrub my skin, like actually scrub my skin, like an African net sponge, scrub my skin in the shower. I moisturize, moisturize daily. I moisturize after every shower. Not even a question.

[00:12:00]>> I am fully invested in the plantain plantain debate, and it's plantain.

[00:12:05]Right, babe? Mountain.

[00:12:07]Mountain.

[00:12:09]Plantain. Up until I was pregnant and then breastfeeding, I drank cerasee tea regularly and I used bay rum as my toner. I don't measure any spices or seasoning when I'm cooking. [laughter] I just, you know, a little bit of that.

[00:12:22]>> deen.

[00:12:22]>> dashy deen.

[00:12:24]>> [laughter] >> I can understand patois.

[00:12:26]Oh, what you said? I can make fried dumplings, and they're pretty good >> if I say so myself. And I have coleslaw with most meals, because what meal is complete without coleslaw? Living with an African man, a new package arrives pretty much every day.

[00:12:43]What is this now?

[00:12:46]Let's go and find out.

[00:12:51]Babe!

[00:12:53]Yes. What is this?

[00:13:00]Oh. It's all right. What is it?

[00:13:02]It's fufu. What's that?

[00:13:05]If you know, you know.

[00:13:06]What is it?

[00:13:09]Jabs, you're wasting your money on these things again. No, this this this is child's play.

[00:13:14]>> eat this? What is this?

[00:13:15]>> Yes, you can eat this. This is the good stuff. No, you can't eat this.

[00:13:19]>> Healthy. Yes. This is This is why Africans are strong. Is it basically just like porridge? No, well, you can make porridge. So, why don't you just buy porridge?

[00:13:28]>> No, because you guys go all gluten. You put all these weird things in the This is pure. This is This is from the earth.

[00:13:35]From mother Africa.

[00:13:36]>> Does it Does it taste nice? Yes.

[00:13:39]You love it.

[00:13:41]You want to have some?

[00:13:42]I'll make it for you. Can you put it away, please?

[00:13:46]Five things I never knew before I met my Nigerian husband. First, I never knew that the English I was learning in school will once be useful.

[00:13:58]Second, I never knew that the blacks I was seeing on MTV by that time, actually they were Afro-Americans and not Africans.

[00:14:12]Third, I never knew that you could eat banana with rice and stew or fried plantain.

[00:14:20]Fourth, I never knew that losing my virginity to a Nigerian will actually lead me to having four kids for one because fifth, I never knew that once you go black, you never go back. That's why we are knocking every day. I married African man. That's why?

[00:14:41]They eat fufu all the time and they becoming stronger and stronger.

[00:14:46]I married African man. That's why we are always late for all occasions because we are using African time.

[00:14:56]I married African man. Can you remind me what to do we do?

[00:15:00]Knocking her every day.

[00:15:03]I married African man. That's why we are knocking every day.

[00:15:07]You got it.

[00:15:10]Here's some things you need to know if you're going to marry into Nigerian culture. My credentials are I have been married to my Nigerian husband for almost eight years and we have three kids together.

[00:15:21]Experiences that I'm speaking of is based on me and my friends and then people I've been talking to, okay?

[00:15:27]Number one, they fall in love hard and fast. When I mean fast, I mean my husband told me he loved me after our first date. I'm like, "Sir, I don't even know you like that."

[00:15:37]But I'm so glad he acted on his feelings because now we have been married for a long time.

[00:15:43]But buckle up because that is the life you're going to get. Everything is moving fast.

[00:15:50]Number two, they will make you feel like you're the most special girl in the whole wide world and I kid you not, you will feel special. My husband would text me, call me, visit me when I was sick.

[00:16:02]He would bring me all the things I needed, flowers, chocolates. That was constant. You will feel special. I'm married to a Ghanaian man. Of course I know how to make groundnut soup.

[00:16:14]I'm married to a Ghanaian man.

[00:16:16]Of course I eat with my hands.

[00:16:21]I'm married to a Ghanaian [music] man.

[00:16:22]Of course my kids know how to speak Twi.

[00:16:25]Or how to say Ah, what are you I'm married to a Ghanaian man. Of course I have a full wardrobe of Ankara.

[00:16:36]And no, this is not considered cultural appropriation. I'm married to a Ghanaian man. Of course his mom and sisters always take my side.

[00:16:44]I'm married to a Ghanaian man.

[00:16:46]Of course I can take the heat.

[00:16:48]I'm married to a Ghanaian man. Of course people ask me if you grew up in a hut and assume that you just used me to get a green card. I'm dating a South African man and I live in Germany and let me tell you something. In Germany, if you want to visit a friend, you send a calendar invite three weeks in advance and then you show up right at the time, let's say 4:00 p.m., you drink your coffee, you leave at 5:30 p.m.

[00:17:11]as planned. In South Africa, dropping by is a lifestyle. Your boyfriend's friend will just appear at the door because he was in the area. He will stay for 6 hours and somehow your boyfriend will have started a fire to cook meat within 10 minutes of him arriving. All right, guys. I want us to start with the one that always make me laugh.

[00:17:36]>> [laughter] >> And that is moisturizing the skin.

[00:17:43]A lot of these women talk about their husbands uh introducing them to uh moisturizing the skin after taking a a bath or shower.

[00:17:56]Or sometimes they even forget and they need to get reminded like, "Hey, you.

[00:18:03]You took a bath or you took a shower, but you didn't moisturize. Why? Take this, right?" So, that is to say that black people don't play when it comes to lotions.

[00:18:17]We take it very seriously.

[00:18:19]Another thing that I noticed many of them were talking about is eating spicy food.

[00:18:25]But, I also want to clarify that not every African food must be spicy. Africa is huge and cooking differs from country to country uh or family to family. That's why you see that some food you can cook it within few minutes or an hour and others you need to wait a little longer.

[00:18:54]But, generally, many African homes do use a lot of seasoning, flavor-rich cooking.

[00:19:02]So, for some people who are not used to eat, that can definitely be an adjustment at first, but uh don't worry.

[00:19:13]>> [laughter and gasps] >> You will definitely get used to.

[00:19:16]And to respond to the German woman who was talking about her husband's friends showing up unannounced at their home as long as they're in the area.

[00:19:29]Look, in many African cultures, if somebody is close to your area and they do not stop by to greet you, some people genuinely see it as strange or even slightly offensive because the mindset is home is here, why didn't you stop by?

[00:19:53]Meanwhile, in the Western culture, you need to wait for all the scheduling because you have to respect people's privacy and all of that.

[00:20:06]For us, there is nothing like that. If I show up at your door now, it is now upon you to do whatever you want to do because I have already come. So, you can't chase me like, "Hey, you came unannounced. Get out." It's not possible. Even if you came and found that people are eating corn, you will join. Even if you find that people were just drinking water, you will join. That is how it is in Africa.

[00:20:37]We do not care about scheduling visits or whatever. That is not in our timetable.

[00:20:44]>> [laughter] >> And talking about Africa's not following time, to be honest, sometimes I don't know how to defend this because in many African communities, people simply do not treat time with the same strictness as many Western countries do.

[00:21:06]Things start later. People also arrive later. And you know, sometimes plans can change suddenly. And somehow people still survive it.

[00:21:18]For us, it's not always intentional disrespect. This is just how social life developed in some communities. And for us, we are very okay with it.

[00:21:29]I'm talking of black men or African men always uh insisting on paying whenever you go with them to the restaurant. I'm just going to respond to that uh based on what I understand with the African culture. Because most of these women are married to African men, right? To be honest, in many African cultures, a lot of men grew up believing that paying is part of taking care of their women. Of course, every relationship is different, and not every man thinks the same way. But in many African homes, men are raised to feel responsible by providing. So, when you see an African man you're with is insisting on paying the bills, let him do what he was raised to do because that is part of the teaching he received while growing up, and it's not a problem.

[00:22:34]Talking about African people uh speaking so loud on phone and laughing so loud.

[00:22:42]Look, many Africans are very expressive people. For us, if something is funny, we laugh loudly. And if we are excited, we speak excitedly.

[00:22:58]Like most of the time, nobody even thinks about adjusting volume levels. We just bust out depending on how funny the situation or the story is. We do not care.

[00:23:13]>> [laughter] >> And it's not even considered bad manners. Plus, it just means that the person is enjoying the conversation. And we are very okay with that. At the end of the day, interracial relationships often teach people that normal is relative. What feels completely normal in one culture can feel surprising in another. Sometimes these differences can create frustration. But many times they also create funny memories or even deeper understandings. And of course, appreciation for how differently people experience life around the world.

[00:23:59]Thank you so much for watching. Uh what are your thoughts about this episode?

[00:24:05]If you are a white woman who is watching this who is married to a black or an African man, could you please kindly tell us in the comments section what yours are because I would really love to hear from you, too. And who is watching this, what do you think about these people's views on the differences that they have learned so far?

[00:24:35]Thank you so much. I will be interacting with you guys in the comments section.

[00:24:39]And if you like this conversation, go ahead and give it a thumbs up. Subscribe as well to the channel.

[00:24:47]Um like, hype.

[00:24:50]And if you are new here, please consider being part of this family by subscribing as well. See you soon. Bye.