Sobriety Did That: Valerie Cain

Hinzugefügt: 2026-06-06

[00:00:00]Good afternoon and welcome to Locally Hated podcast. I am your host, the news lady. Uh, I got Greg with me today and my daughter Paisley. And then right here immediately to my right is my good friend Valerie. Valerie, how are you?

[00:00:13]>> I'm good. How are you?

[00:00:14]>> So Valerie came to us today. I reached out to her. I've been kind of um Valerie and I have been friends since Man, when did we go to elementary together?

[00:00:26]>> Maybe sixth grade. Yeah, maybe sixth grade. So, we we we go way back and I've been kind of following Valerie on all social media since social media existed, but recently you've been very vocal about um your recovery. Yes.

[00:00:41]>> So, uh that's I I asked her if she wanted to come because she's she's been very vocal about her um recovery process and uh living sober and being you know, you're not a statistic, you know, you're um >> I'm part of that 2%.

[00:00:56]>> Yeah. and it's a it's a it's a journey.

[00:00:58]So, uh I like the way that she says things and I like that she's um very open about uh her her addiction and the recovery process. So, I wanted to bring her on um to kind of to to talk about it, you know, because she's a big advocate for anybody that may be actively in addiction or struggling with recovery as it stands, you know, because that is an everyday struggle. So, I told I said, "Hey, I know it's a weird question. I text her out of the blue."

[00:01:26]weird question. Uh, would you want to talk about this on the podcast? And that's hard to ask somebody, you know, cuz it's like, you know, I didn't want you to be like, "No, are you trying to embarrass me?" Which was absolutely not the case cuz I love you very much. And for anybody that may not know, Sandy, her dad was also um on the morning show with me at the radio station. So, um, very very much uh we're like vicarious family members. So, >> um, you know, >> so what we'll do is we'll start with, uh, you just kind of telling us who you are, and, um, you know, just where where you came from, who you are, and and we'll just kind of roll from there.

[00:02:02]>> My name is Valerie Kaine, originally.

[00:02:04]Valerie Gwyn. Um, I am 42. I just turned 42. Um, I'm from Leville. Um, I've lived other places, but always ended up back here. Um, my parents still live here. I have two children. A daughter that is going to be 22 and my son will be 17.

[00:02:22]>> And you're about to be a grandmother.

[00:02:24]>> Yes. I'm so excited.

[00:02:25]>> Yeah. How how quick is that?

[00:02:26]>> Uh she goes Monday for her 36 week appointment.

[00:02:30]>> Yeah. She came in the shop the other day and she's over it.

[00:02:32]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:02:33]>> She was I was like, "Are you ready?" And she was like, "Oh, I'm I'm so done."

[00:02:36]>> I told her, I said, "I don't want to hear it." I You She was born in August and my son was born in September. So, >> yeah. She won't get to the really hard part of pregnancy. So, not the hot part, you know. So, uh, so what do you remember most about like growing up here?

[00:02:51]Like, I don't even know.

[00:02:57]>> She's like, I don't know. Don't ask me questions.

[00:03:00]>> No, I mean, it was family. I mean, that's what it was. Everybody, whether you were actually family, our friends, it was always togetherness. Like, >> it it's not so much like that anymore here, but >> people used to say call this place Mayberry. And that very much is what it it was like.

[00:03:18]>> Yeah. Back back in the day. Mayberry.

[00:03:19]Yeah. Mayberry.

[00:03:20]>> Like the whole area or like uh >> I mean we we lived in Leville >> and my mom is from Leville so we we've known a lot of the original Leville people.

[00:03:32]>> Um and then we moved to Anakoko but it was still like that there as well.

[00:03:37]>> Wait, so May like where does Mayberry come from?

[00:03:40]>> Andy Griffith.

[00:03:42]>> Oh >> yeah.

[00:03:43]>> Yeah. That's where Mayberry PD. What you talking about?

[00:03:49]>> You never watched Andy Griffith.

[00:03:51]>> It's been a long time.

[00:03:52]>> Yeah, that's Mayberry PD Party Five.

[00:03:54]>> I do not know what Andy Griffith is.

[00:03:58]>> Failed.

[00:03:58]>> My My Gen Z. I'm a little more Gen Z than Millennial today.

[00:04:01]>> Yeah. Yeah. He's a little more his Gen Z is kicking in. So, uh, if if when you were younger, what like when we were in school, what did you want to be when we got out of school?

[00:04:13]Well, at first I thought I wanted to be a respiratory therapist and then they took us on that, you know, go to work for a day >> and I went to the hospital and then they were suctioning the lungs. I was like, >> that's terrible sound.

[00:04:29]>> Look, I don't have a weak stomach. Like, >> but that I could not handle. Um, >> I always wanted to work in like the healthc care field. Like I that's what I've done the majority of my adult life.

[00:04:41]I worked at Deer Creek at Doctor's Hospital.

[00:04:43]>> You were there when my grandmother was in there?

[00:04:45]>> Yeah.

[00:04:45]>> Yes. Um I worked there for several years. Um started as a ward clerk and got trained in records, materials. I ended with being a CNA on the the med surge floor.

[00:04:59]>> Um and then obviously I went unemployed for some years, but um now I do inhome healthcare for elderly dementia patients. Yeah, that's well and dementia is really hard.

[00:05:11]>> Um, you know, it's a it's a slippery slope. So, and you know, Greg's dad owned a doctor's hospital. So, >> yeah, this is little Greg.

[00:05:19]>> Oh, okay.

[00:05:20]>> Yeah.

[00:05:21]All I was going to say, it reminded me uh you know about when I was 10 or so when I was my mom was homeschooling me and uh and we were just opening up doctor's hospital and you know my mom was an ER nurse by by trade and so she kind of had to jump back in and and like help get the O you know running smoothly and uh um and all of that. So, I would go up and and do a lot of my work from from like the nurses lounge and stuff there at at doctor's hospital and occasionally I could u I would scrub up and and go in and you know shadow >> surgeons and everything and it was I I had the same experience. I was like h I don't know this is for me you know >> I don't think the medical thing's for me.

[00:06:12]>> Yeah. is that and and occasionally I would, you know, my dad would be taking me to school or something. Uh, every now and then he would get a call and it was a code or something and we would have to just rush over there and I'd help him work the code, you know, at like 8 10 years old, you know, and I'm like, >> I don't know, >> something something like that.

[00:06:34]>> Well, I'm not going to do medical. He went as far away from medical as he could get. So, >> uh, so you are one of five, correct?

[00:06:42]>> Yes. And you're right in the middle.

[00:06:44]>> I'm next to the youngest.

[00:06:45]>> Yeah, you're next to the youngest. Okay.

[00:06:46]So, growing up, were you like the wild one, the quiet one, responsible one?

[00:06:51]>> No. Black sheep all the way.

[00:06:53]>> Oh, really?

[00:06:54]>> Yeah.

[00:06:56]>> Even when you were young?

[00:06:58]>> I mean, I slept a lot whenever I was like little bitty. But yeah, I I'm surprised you didn't know that.

[00:07:05]>> No. Well, I guess.

[00:07:06]>> Are you guys really friends?

[00:07:08]>> Right.

[00:07:08]>> Well, I mean, it's it's been some years.

[00:07:10]I was going to say it's been it's been a long time. Like we kept up with each other like we always do on social media and stuff, but >> um it's it's weird because >> I just Well, and it may be because Marissa was much younger than us, you know, so >> she really isn't though.

[00:07:25]>> But it was like I don't even remember her in high school.

[00:07:28]>> And then Nancy is older than us, you know, and then Alicia and and and Aaron, we they weren't in school with us at all in high school. So really, I wouldn't have had a dynamic to go off of.

[00:07:40]seeing you and like Marissa now couldn't be polar opposite. Like you could not be further. But it's funny because once you add Nancy in there too, like the dynamic is so diverse because none of them are alike. Like there's you've got >> Nancy who is a children's librarian.

[00:07:59]Yes.

[00:07:59]>> Uh and then you have Valerie who is obviously she just admitted the black sheep. And then you have Marissa um who's Elvis obsessed and stuck in the 50s. Uh, big hairup. Big hair, makeup.

[00:08:12]Yes. I mean, just >> it's the dynamic is so and and I love them all dearly, obviously. Um, but it's the dynamic is different, you know, and and admittedly, I really don't know Alicia that well because she she doesn't live here.

[00:08:25]>> She's 9 years older than us, >> right? She doesn't live here. And I I mean, I know Aaron a little bit, you know, but he's more of like a he's he's like a really smart nerd. You guys would get along really well.

[00:08:35]>> Yeah. He I mean he's he's really smart and he can fix anything, you know, so it's like um you know, but he's super straight laced. So I guess now that I'm thinking about it as adults. Yes, >> that that does make perfect sense >> cuz I would Marissa is like a hippie, >> like a free-spirited hippie. You would just have to know her. And she's redheaded.

[00:08:56]And it's funny, every time something happens, Sy's like, "Would there be a red head involved in this?"

[00:09:04]And I'm always like cuz it was uh he thought he was going to sneak his birthday past us and uh Marissa text me one morning and she was like, "Hey, so it's Sandy's birthday." And I let it get all the way to the end of the birthdays and I busted him out on air and he was like, "I know that there is a red head behind this >> and it's like he always knows, you know." So, um I guess I guess that does make sense now that I think about it.

[00:09:27]>> Yeah. But I you you didn't seem in high school you didn't seem bad.

[00:09:34]You know what I'm saying? Like and maybe maybe I just didn't but >> I've never been judgmental though. I've never been >> that goes back to not having social media, not having cell phones. That could be right. I mean, I can think of right off the top of my head three parties that you and I were at in a field.

[00:09:53]Basically, >> one of them. There's a whole picture of me, you uh Teresa, Lindsay, Candace, Dena.

[00:10:02]>> Oh, that's where Chad and John were there.

[00:10:04]>> Yes.

[00:10:05]>> No idea. Where was that even at?

[00:10:06]>> I don't remember.

[00:10:08]>> I don't even know whose house I was at.

[00:10:10]>> And you wouldn't even let me drive up here.

[00:10:15]>> There's no reason we need to take two cars.

[00:10:18]>> And you were on a you were in a field. I have questioned that photo multiple times cuz I was just >> I saw it the other day and I'm like >> where were we at? I feel like we were at Ben and Bob's house.

[00:10:29]>> Uhuh.

[00:10:30]>> It wasn't Ben and Bob's house. Okay. So, I then I really don't know.

[00:10:33]>> It might have been Candace's aunt. I think Sherry's >> Candace's aunt.

[00:10:38]>> Yeah, it might have been.

[00:10:39]>> Are we sure it wasn't Dena's? Oh, anyway, I guess it doesn't matter.

[00:10:43]>> Yeah, I mean I I do I just don't remember >> I don't remember doing anything bad. I I just don't I don't remember doing anything.

[00:10:52]>> I mean, that's it is breaking laws, but we weren't >> If any cops are watching this, turn off your limitations overly.

[00:11:01]>> Yeah, allegedly. Yeah.

[00:11:02]>> There were no witnesses.

[00:11:04]>> So, okay. So, do you think that the the lifestyle that you you happened upon, do you think that it kind of started early then or you thought think maybe you were going down a road early or No, >> I didn't happen upon this lifestyle or >> I don't know how to phrase it without seeming like I'm being ugly. So, >> first and foremost, I want to say this.

[00:11:24]Nobody wakes up and decides they're going to be an addict.

[00:11:26]>> Right. Right.

[00:11:28]>> Um, there is always an underlying issue, whether it be mental health, whether it be pain, whether it be whatever. Um, for me, I I knew I had depression, anxiety, you know, there were things in my life that I was trying not to deal with because that was my thing. I always bottled everything up. I was put the game face on. We're going to get through whatever's going on and we we'll deal with it later. But later never came. So, that just became heavy and heavy and heavy. Well, then whenever I was 15, I had dental work done and I that was the first time I can consciously remember taking pain pills.

[00:12:06]>> And then that feeling of not feeling anything.

[00:12:13]And so like I was doing pills the whole time the rest of high school. Nobody knew that. I would have never known that. And for years, even after being an adult, nobody knew that I was on drugs because I was such a high functioning addict, never failed a drug test, always had a job, just the longest that I went without doing drugs was the two nine months that I was pregnant.

[00:12:35]>> Wow. See, and I would have never picked up on that even even in high school. Uh cuz I mean we we didn't you didn't do bad in school. You didn't um So it wasn't like a slow slide. It was just like >> it was straight into it.

[00:12:47]>> Straight into it. I had I didn't even have I didn't even know that.

[00:12:50]>> Now obviously later.

[00:12:53]>> Did anybody know that?

[00:12:55]>> I mean people I was doing it with knew it but >> but like your family and Okay. Okay.

[00:13:00]>> No, I remember very well whenever I got arrested and Marissa was like I need to know what all you have done. What all drugs have you done? And I said I don't think you're prepared for that. She's like no I I want to know. Well, then I start naming them and she's like, "What?"

[00:13:19]>> And you would have to know Marissa to understand she she has the greatest heart and she really does love her sisters and her siblings.

[00:13:26]>> She stepped in as well as my parents and the rest of my family whenever I went to jail and for my children and I am grateful for each and every one of them.

[00:13:36]But Marissa and I have always been best friends.

[00:13:38]>> Yeah. Marissa and she's not judgmental about it. It's like, I'm going to love you through this no matter what, right?

[00:13:44]>> Uh she has a very she's very strong like that, you know? She's just um >> she's just not, uh-oh, we got an aunt.

[00:13:51]>> I don't want you to get bit. Whatever it is. Um it's she's just really good at that. Like she's never been like, >> and and it's not just for me, it's for anybody.

[00:14:01]>> Anybody. It's anybody. She's just not she's very much love you through it. No matter what kind of person.

[00:14:08]>> So um so nobody was aware then. No.

[00:14:11]>> Yeah. I I mean I wasn't aware so I I didn't you know I mean obviously when we were back in high school we probably went places and drank but I would have never known >> that there was anything else going on.

[00:14:23]>> I I I I just wouldn't have known that.

[00:14:25]Uh so did you know you were in trouble before everybody else did? obviously like did you realize that there was a problem or was it just like >> uh I I would say whenever I realized it was an actual like oh crap was whenever my ex-husband and I separated and it's like the rug got pulled out from under me and I went in a very much downward spiral.

[00:14:49]>> So did he know that you had a problem or was did he have also >> Okay. Okay, I got you.

[00:14:54]>> Yeah, both of us.

[00:14:56]>> Okay. I I wasn't sure, you know, because it would seem very almost impossible to hide that from a partner.

[00:15:01]>> Oh, yeah. No. Yeah. Well, >> yeah, he knew.

[00:15:05]>> Okay. Well, I mean, you know, no judgment here. Um, if he happens to watch, no judgment for me at all. Um, so were there any like warning signs or anything that anybody missed, do you think, or >> Oh, I'm sure. Yeah.

[00:15:17]>> I mean, probably from them looking back, it been like, you know, >> and what time frame is this? So the downward spiral are when I like I started at 15 and then let's see 42 33 is whenever it really got out of control and it went way overboard >> I'll tell you >> so this is this is what like uh early 2000 2010 time frame. So, I mean, as we know now, I mean, because so much light has been shed on the the opioid ep epidemic and um especially because of prescription, you know, I mean, now you go get your wisdom teeth out and it's like, thank thank goodness. So, they'll push you to just Tylenol or whatever they can. U >> but uh yeah, I mean, could happen to anybody, happened to so many people during that time frame. Even some of my friends, >> yeah, >> um you know, struggle with the same thing. And um yeah.

[00:16:19]>> Did you ever have the mindset that you could stop whenever you wanted?

[00:16:21]>> Always.

[00:16:22]>> So you just sort of were like, I can >> It's not a problem.

[00:16:25]>> Yeah. It's not a problem.

[00:16:25]>> It's not a problem.

[00:16:26]>> Yeah.

[00:16:26]>> Everything's fine.

[00:16:28]>> Yeah. I thought I I would think that that would be a common issue. You know, when I when I talk to people, a lot of people would be like, but it's the same thing. Believe it or not, it's the same thing when you're bigger. And I'm not saying this to make fun of anybody. For anybody that may be watching that doesn't know, um I'm down like 80 lbs.

[00:16:45]And you look great.

[00:16:46]>> I >> Yeah, my mommy looks great.

[00:16:48]>> If anybody has anything bad to say, they can say it to me.

[00:16:52]>> I when I was at my biggest, which was almost 300 lb, >> I did not think I was like, I'm not that big. I'm not that big. I'm not that big.

[00:17:00]You know, and I guess I never like I turned a blind eye to it until I got a picture one day and I was just like, that's not me. and it it was me, you know, so I can very and I I know that food probably doesn't seem like a good comparison.

[00:17:15]>> That's an addiction as well, >> but it it very much is. And it's like and I would tell myself, I'm not eating bad. I don't eat that bad. I don't you know, and I did I as soon as I went on a calorie deficit, I was like, "Oh my god, the stuff that I was ingesting was so bad."

[00:17:30]>> And I know it wasn't drugs and it's not illegal, but my god, the stuff that we put into our bodies >> is outrageous. It's outrageous. is more addictive to me than alcohol. Like than like drinking.

[00:17:39]>> Yeah. Didn't you order $57 worth of Taco Bell?

[00:17:43]>> No, I I went I went to the store for that. I drove through.

[00:17:46]>> He drove through order.

[00:17:49]>> That that that makes it better.

[00:17:50]>> I don't know how you think and I think it was $72.

[00:17:53]>> Yeah. At Taco Bell.

[00:17:56]>> Yeah.

[00:17:56]>> We had I think we had just recorded the podcast and it was it it was a long day and I you know I'm normally one meal a day kind of person. It was normally dinner or late lunch, you know, something like that. But yeah, it had been all day. I was starving. Starving.

[00:18:10]I ordered so much.

[00:18:11]>> Did you eat all of it at at once?

[00:18:14]>> I ate a surprising amount.

[00:18:17]>> Did you have leftovers?

[00:18:18]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:18:18]>> Okay. Well, at least leftovers.

[00:18:20]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:21]>> So, if you don't mind, if you don't want to tell us, that's fine. At at the height of your addiction, what was your drug of choice?

[00:18:29]>> Well, there was, this is what I tell people. There were many through the years.

[00:18:33]>> Okay. because there's very few that I haven't done.

[00:18:35]>> Okay.

[00:18:36]>> The last being meth.

[00:18:38]>> Okay.

[00:18:39]>> That was >> Was that the worst one?

[00:18:40]>> Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[00:18:42]>> So, that's the one that kind of consumed >> That's the one that will make it very obvious that you're you're doing drugs.

[00:18:49]>> Yeah. So, you had just been functioning on opioids.

[00:18:52]>> Well, and I had I did coke for a long time. I did >> coke.

[00:18:57]>> Mom, this is a judgment free zone.

[00:18:59]>> I'm not judging. I'm just shocked. I like I I'm just telling you I from my perspective this is in my mind y'all would have to understand Valerie's dad I I love Valerie's dad Sandy um and he's just like this really straight laced he's a preacher you know um and I kind of kept up with Marissa Valerie had fallen off of social media but that's not uncommon you know like some people just don't do social media so I would just never see her and then you got arrested >> and I saw I saw the mug shot and I remember crying >> my face was everywhere.

[00:19:33]>> Yes. I remember crying and I'm I'm going to try not to cry now. Um because it like I was just like, "Oh my god, what happened?" You know, because it's like this is how did I lose touch with her like this, you know? And I remember like calling Marissa and I or I think I messaged her cuz I didn't have her phone number and I was just like, "Is everybody okay?" You know, like and then there's like a part of you that feels bad because you're like, "Well, maybe if I had like been a better friend and >> and I'm going to stop you right there.

[00:20:00]It is not anything that you or anybody else could have done because personally anytime anybody was like well you need to stop doing this down to smoking cigarettes I'd want to go do it more >> addiction is you're never going to stop until you are ready to do it for yourself >> right >> never it's never going to work >> well and I remember just being well and you know it's like and and and we can kind of talk about that too because you know your family everybody knows your family And you know, having your mug shot plastered on Facebook and uh social media and all that, you know, I know that had to like it had to hurt.

[00:20:39]>> Oh, yeah. I mean, it I Okay, so I knew what I was doing wasn't right.

[00:20:46]>> Right.

[00:20:46]>> And I knew that for a long time. And you know, normally whenever females get married, they move their maiden name to their middle name. So technically, my name would have been Valerie Gwen Kaine.

[00:20:58]I didn't do that. I kept my middle name because my action I didn't want my actions to be reflected back on my family because it had nothing to do with them.

[00:21:06]>> Right?

[00:21:06]>> So luckily, I say luckily, blessed is what it is. Is it wasn't until the the big bust happened that people really was like, "Oh, that's Helen and Sy's daughter." And then it was, you know, all the comments. And it and >> it broke my heart.

[00:21:25]>> It is what it is. But this is what I have to say to those people now. Like what if that was your family?

[00:21:31]>> Yeah.

[00:21:31]>> I mean, I deserved every one of those comments. Like I I did I put myself in that position, but those same people talking crap wouldn't appreciate it if it was them or their family.

[00:21:42]>> That's correct. And like I get that there's stuff that's public information, etc., etc. I don't get the online rhetoric of just dragging continuing to drag people down when they're already obviously, you know. And was that the lowest point for you?

[00:21:58]>> Oh, absolutely.

[00:21:59]>> That was the that was rock bottom.

[00:22:01]>> Well, no. I say absolutely. So, we got busted in March of 2021.

[00:22:07]>> Mhm.

[00:22:08]>> Um I bonded out 3 days later as soon as we found out what our bond was. Um and then I bonded out my ex a couple days later. Um and we our our whatever it's called um court date kept getting pushed back.

[00:22:26]>> Yeah.

[00:22:27]>> And I was back over staying at mom and dad's because I was trying to get away from my ex. Um but then he would show up in the middle of the night over there.

[00:22:38]And of course nobody knew that. My parents didn't know he was coming over there. It wasn't a good situation. It was a physical situation. like it wasn't good. And in April of 2022, we had a court date, April April 5th, and I went to court freshly beaten up, like busted lip.

[00:22:58]Um, our court date got pushed back again, and the lady was like, "Oh, she can't leave. She has a warrant." And literally that warrant, I will say this to the day I die, that warrant saved my life.

[00:23:11]>> Mhm. Because literally I was just waiting to die for either him to kill me or just >> So were you still doing drugs then?

[00:23:20]>> April 4th was the last day that I did anything the day before court.

[00:23:24]>> Really?

[00:23:24]>> Mhm.

[00:23:24]>> So even after you had got busted still doing it.

[00:23:28]>> Did your parents know?

[00:23:29]>> Well, I mean obviously.

[00:23:30]>> Yeah.

[00:23:31]>> It was not It wasn't easy to hide then.

[00:23:33]>> Right. Right.

[00:23:34]>> So >> Well, they So they knew that you were continuing to use >> Oh, yeah.

[00:23:38]>> Yeah.

[00:23:38]>> Yeah. Because I would come over there and I'd be like, I'm going to stay over here, duh, and then I'd disappear.

[00:23:43]>> Yeah.

[00:23:44]>> And and I want to say that anybody that's in an abusive relationship, the whole it takes seven times to leave, >> that is absolutely true. Yeah, >> the trauma bond is something that is harder to break than addiction for me because even after I got clean and I got out of jail and I got out of rehab, I was still trying to talk to my ex and be there for my ex and whatever until one day I'm like, what am I doing?

[00:24:15]>> Right?

[00:24:16]>> And this coming February, three years ago, I went no contact with him. But it's like when you've got so much emotional and mental and stuff going on, it just feeds that addiction because you just want to numb all of it. Mhm. You know, I learned something interesting the other day about how um drugs any any any drug that works on the dopamine system and it's probably true for you know the opioid system in the brain as well but like for ADHD medicine and uh that I mean like aderall any amphetamine derived ADHD medicine uh works on the dopamine system as does meth although meth has a methyl group that makes it substantially more powerful but it's the same on a lower scale. So anyway, when you when you take these things that act on your dopamine system, you have an artificial supply of dopamine um and your brain uh basically, you know, wipes out the receptors that um that uptake that dopamine. And dopamine is responsible for your general happiness, motivation, >> right?

[00:25:21]>> Um I mean, if you've ever, you know, I know a lot of people are on ADHD meds like I am. Um, if you ever, you know, are on a dose of that and then and then stop for a little bit and you have that dopamine dip, you know what it feels like, how bad it feels. I can't imagine how it must be on meth, but it it takes uh with something like that, you know, caffeine's different because caffeine, you can do a full reset of caffeine and because there's the same effect with caffeine um but just different different system in the brain. But your brain can completely rebuild receptors for caffeine uh in like 14 days. So two weeks you can be back to your baseline of you know if you have a a caffeine tolerance or whatever you can be back to your baseline with empmphetamines stuff like that act on the do on the dopamine system it takes a lot longer.

[00:26:11]>> Yes. which I can imagine that um the rehab programs I I I could just imagine that how vital that would be to provide a space where you can take time out to just go through that dip, you know.

[00:26:28]>> Yeah. I when I got I went to jail on April 5th, so I detoxed in jail. Well, that was terrible.

[00:26:34]>> That's terrible. Yeah. And then I got out 98 days later and I had already been talking to a rehab before I went in.

[00:26:42]Didn't know I had the warrant. So whenever I got out of jail, I isolated at my parents house and I want cuz I missed my daughter's high school graduation cuz I was in jail.

[00:26:53]Actions consequences. Um so I wanted to move her to her college dorm and I wanted to take Isaiah and my son on to his first day of school. And then I left that very day and I went to rehab in College Station, Texas because I didn't want to go to a rehab in Louisiana because so many people I know that are just working the system I I was doing this for real.

[00:27:15]>> I went to rehab sober and I still stayed there for 5 months.

[00:27:20]>> Right.

[00:27:20]>> Yeah. Cuz I think a lot of times what happens is people go for like 30 days.

[00:27:24]>> Yeah. And that's not enough time.

[00:27:25]>> It's not enough. Um, and and I say this as somebody who who has been directly affected by addiction, not myself personally, but you know, family-wise, it's not enough. Um, it's I mean, you've got to have those months like you have to have months to go through this and then even after those months in a controlled system, you have to reintegrate.

[00:27:45]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:27:46]>> Into the free world, >> right?

[00:27:48]>> And where you can have ready access to it again and fight that. Well, and for me, I graduated out of rehab because I had to come back for my trial.

[00:27:59]>> And >> would you have stayed longer?

[00:28:02]>> Oh, absolutely. I didn't feel like I was ready at all. And I went to a dual diagnosis. So, it wasn't just addiction, they were also doing mental health. Um, but I had to be back for court. And then I got put on probation.

[00:28:16]And normally whenever you get sober, you change people, places, things. Well, I'm legally was legally required to stay in Leville where I did all of my dirt.

[00:28:27]>> That's the part that always floores me and I I don't think anybody's doing it intentionally. I need to say that first.

[00:28:34]But there seems like there and I've said this out loud before, there's like some vital step in between cuz even if you go to jail, let's say you didn't go to rehab and you went to jail for that 98 days and then you get out and there's no halfway house. There's no you just you're just out and imagine you detox for like a week. You're in jail for like a week. You bond out and you're like, "Okay, I'm going to beat this thing."

[00:28:57]>> But you don't have anywhere else to go, >> right?

[00:28:59]>> Like you're going to go right back to where you were. like whether it's your home, your mom's house, you know, whatever the case may be, and you go right back into the same exact setting that you were already in around the same exact people that you're already with, you know, and and the truth of the matter is, and it took a really long time for me to convey this to the person that I love, you know, that was that was an addict. Um, those people are not your friends. They're not, >> you know, like you think they think because they're like, you know, oh, and that was a really hard realization, too.

[00:29:31]And I want to know your perspective on this. So these people you thought you were your friends, you know, because you do you do drugs with them. This is, you know, or your supplier or whatever the case may be, >> right?

[00:29:40]>> And then you go to jail and you never see them. They don't they don't come.

[00:29:43]They don't put money on your books. They don't, you know, and I was trying to convey that. And it took a really long time for that person to be like, dang, you're right.

[00:29:52]>> And and see, >> they're not here.

[00:29:54]>> Well, and see for me, nobody was there for me. Nobody did. I mean, my my family, but I always did that for others because that's who I am as a person. I'm not just going to and it might not be a lot of money, but I always made sure you had money on your books. I had money on my phone for you to call. If you needed something, I'd make sure your family was good. Like, because to me, it's like friends are friends. I've always regardless of the situation, >> right? But when it came down to it, >> there ain't nobody.

[00:30:25]>> It wasn't your friends. And then so um in this particular situation it was like we were the enemies.

[00:30:31]>> Oh yeah.

[00:30:32]>> You know did you feel that way too?

[00:30:34]>> Absolutely.

[00:30:34]>> Like oh okay. So tell me about that.

[00:30:36]>> I mean anybody that was trying to want better for me >> Mhm.

[00:30:42]>> it was like for what? Like because in my mind >> there's nothing wrong with you.

[00:30:47]>> I'm lying to myself. Like and I this is the best way I could explain it to somebody. Like the person that I was then didn't even know her world because there was all lies, all manipulation, all whatever. Like having to to remember I said this to this person and that to that person. Like and I tell dad just the other day and I've said this many times. I don't understand the lying thing. Like I know that I was a liar, but now I'm just like it's so easy to tell the truth.

[00:31:14]>> It is. It's so easy.

[00:31:15]>> Like I don't even understand. So, anybody that wasn't in my land of delusion was the bad people like y'all what are y'all talking about?

[00:31:24]>> Yeah. And that was that was really hard to accept um on my end because it was like you don't love me, you know, you're because my my standpoint on it was was I I think you may need to stay here a little while. You probably need to go somewhere afterwards, you know, and it's like you don't love me and tough love meant that I didn't love them, right?

[00:31:43]>> Um and and it wasn't just me. They said that too. We need to be very clear about that. Um, but if I didn't do exactly what was asked of me, you know, if I didn't give them the $20 or, you know, >> that's the man manipulation aspect of it.

[00:31:57]>> And I never understood the lying either because it's like you would have the truth in front of you and it would still be you would still say that it's not true.

[00:32:06]>> Yeah. And I'm just like, what what is like what is happening in there, you know, that makes you >> Yeah. It's not rational be and that's what people should understand I think is it's not rational behavior like you can't >> you can't try to reason into it because no >> it it's not >> it's not really them it's like being taken over >> that was I think that was my hardest realization was like okay so I'm I'm sitting because I always think I can talk anybody through anything >> you know and it's like how am I not making sense to you right now because I'm not judgmental >> because we're we're not really there.

[00:32:47]Like we're here but everything that you're saying is Greek and it doesn't matter. You're just talking.

[00:32:54]>> Yeah. And that was I guess that was the part I was like, man, this makes so much sense to me. Why don't you understand?

[00:33:00]You know, and it's like I'm just here to help you. But to that person, it was like I was in public enemy number one.

[00:33:07]And I was like, and it's it is devastating. For anybody that may be listening to this that is actively going through anything and you need help, um I'm sure Greg can put up numbers here or whatever for later um in the video to to get you some help. You can reach out to us. Um you can send a message to the page. I will do everything in my power.

[00:33:27]I'm sure Valerie will too.

[00:33:28]>> Well, I actually am on the board of a nonprofit now. Um good for you. it. We started it online eight months ago and it's called sobriety did that and we started on Tik Tok but now we're on all platforms. We already we have like 45,000 people following us combined on all the platforms. Um we do a live every morning at 5:00 a.m. uh >> Mountain Eastern time. Okay.

[00:33:55]>> So it's four for me but and it's just celebrating people or if somebody is in addiction and they're struggling just to offer them support. Then we have group chats. We have 25 group chats >> that roughly 5 550 to 600 people are chatting in every day. We've got a a na just all kinds and it's just support. It doesn't matter what kind of recovery you have you're dealing with because you know some people have Matt, some people do AA and it doesn't matter. Judgment free zone.

[00:34:28]You need support. We're here.

[00:34:30]>> Yeah. and we are a like the first person we were able to help was actually in Monroe. We helped pay her uh rent for her uh sober living and got her groceries. Like it's just we're going to be doing grants for people that are in recovery that want to go and get a trade.

[00:34:47]>> I'm so proud of you.

[00:34:48]>> Thank you. Um because you know whenever you come out of jail and you're sober and you're trying to get on your feet, >> getting that first step is hard. you know, especially when people don't have family that are supported and they've burned all their bridges, whatever.

[00:35:02]>> That's I think is one of the big things about addiction that maybe people don't know is that a lot of times what'll happen is is people will help and help and help and help and help until it's just like no, I'm done.

[00:35:12]>> Yeah, >> I'm I'm absolutely done. You are going to have to figure out and I know that that seems that probably seemed to you like wow, how could they do this to me?

[00:35:22]No, not I knew I had enough whatever to know that everything I earned. I I did that. And I I tell dad, you know, I was in a relationship that was physical. And I'm going to preface this by saying I do not condone domestic violence, but knowing the person that I was, I was slick mouthed. like I earned some of that because you know but >> but you also both were addicts >> correct >> so I mean that's just a deadly concoction anyway.

[00:35:55]>> Oh yeah and there's PTSD involved from him on the army side like it it just wasn't a good all the way around but I I knew that whenever it reached a certain point I I deserved everything of being cut off. And I think what really made me realize when I went to jail that time, it was the last time that if I did not get sober, I would lose my kids forever.

[00:36:21]>> Yeah.

[00:36:21]>> Like it would be done. Um and thankfully, you know, I did have to earn the relationship back with them whenever I got out.

[00:36:30]>> So you understood that part.

[00:36:31]>> Oh, absolutely.

[00:36:32]>> Because like for some people it's like, okay, well, I'm sober.

[00:36:35]>> It doesn't matter.

[00:36:36]>> And it's like, >> yeah, but this we've gone through this so many times. like it's really hard for me to trust you.

[00:36:42]>> Yeah.

[00:36:43]>> You know, and and I think from the family perspective that it's I think a lot of times, you know, it's like, man, you know, how many times do I have to pay for this? And it's it's probably every time that it takes it. It is. And you me I'm going to speak for myself. I had to be respectful >> Yeah.

[00:37:01]>> of that person because I'm the one that caused that trauma, >> right? And I can't determine when your feelings aren't hurt anymore. So when when you got sober and you realized what you had done to basically all your people around you having to deal with that sober, what was that like?

[00:37:26]>> Um it was I'm not going to say easy. It was smooth for me because I had been in rehab and I had worked on the mental side of it and I actually did work the 12 steps because that rehab was aa a affiliate, you know. Um, but working those steps really helped me because I still utilize some of those things in my everyday now. Now, had I not gone to rehab and I had not done that stuff, it would probably have been a lot more difficult.

[00:37:53]>> So, through your 12 steps, you did you like you you had there was apologies you had to make. Oh yeah, you have to make amends. But first, you have to you have to identify your own character defects.

[00:38:04]You have to start looking at yourself for real. Yeah.

[00:38:06]>> And not pointing the finger at everybody else. It's your fault that I'm doing this. It's your fault. It's No, it's all me. It's my fault and let's see what this is all about.

[00:38:14]>> Yeah. So, if you had to say, what is the biggest mis misconception people have about addicts?

[00:38:22]>> That just because we're sober that everything is hunky dory a-ok. Okay. And it's never going to be an issue again.

[00:38:27]>> Yeah. That I think that's a daily decision. Sometimes it's a moment by I'm four years sober now. On April the 4th, I was four years sober and there are still days where it's like, okay, I need to take this 10 minutes at a time because it's not it it's right here by me, you know, it's never going to go anywhere.

[00:38:48]>> Yeah.

[00:38:48]>> So, just because they you know, anybody is sober, don't think that they're not still struggling.

[00:38:55]>> Right. Right. Well, and that's always a thing for me, like I and I've noticed it lately, maybe y'all have, too. Um, and it's such an icky thing to me. Um, I've noticed lately that people, and it's happened to me before, I need to be transparent. I'm I'm not an alcoholic.

[00:39:09]I've never been an alcoholic, but if if I don't want to drink, I just don't want to drink. And I think it's so weird that this thing has like started happening.

[00:39:19]It's like, what do you mean you don't want to drink? And it's like, okay, I and I always take into account because it's not like I'm offering people drugs, but my assumption would be that it's like, okay, I you don't know what this person's been through, >> you know, like you don't know their story, you know? So, it's it's super weird, you know, um to to like be like, "Oh, you're you know, you're a stick in the mud cuz you're not going to have a drink with me." Like, you don't know.

[00:39:46]You don't know if somebody's battling something, right? you know, and and admittedly, I've been very transparent about this. Um, it's really easy to think badly of people uh with an addiction until it is somebody that you love and care about and would lay down your life for. And that's that for me was a wakeup call, you know, because it's like um you know, when we had the store, there were there was stuff in there that people would buy for, you know, and um it it was like, you know, and you would see them come in and some people laugh about it, and I don't judge people for laughing, you know, get your kicks however you want to, but um when it actually affected me, it wasn't funny anymore.

[00:40:38]>> No. you know, like it was sad, you know, and it's like, you know, you can say stuff because I'm I'm going to be real with you. I see videos on TikToks and I'm like, "Oh, dang." You know, and it's like and it's sad. It's super sad, >> you know, because uh >> we actually I mean, we had the stuff in the store and there was an instance that happened and then we were just like, we're not we and we threw a box 6 foot tall out in the dumpster. I that was it, you know, and that was Gayen's call.

[00:41:08]>> What stuff?

[00:41:09]>> So, they make these pipes that have flowers in them and and I honestly I never thought much of Yeah. It's called a glass rose.

[00:41:18]>> Oh.

[00:41:18]>> And you're able to buy these and >> it's an pipe.

[00:41:21]>> Yes. They take the rose out of it. It's not It's you know, it looks harmless enough if you don't know what people are using it for because admittedly like I the first time I saw them, I was just like, "What is that?" you know, and then I noticed the people that were buying them and and over a course of time it was it just become like a uh yes, it sells and you make money on it, but at what point do you have to say I don't want to be a part of this >> and I don't want to contribute to this, >> you know, and that was a decision that we made because it just got to the point where it was like cuz at first it wasn't a lot, >> but then it's like when they know you have them, >> it's a lot. Yeah. you know, and then you see it more and and it's and it's increasingly like one time I remember because there was different types.

[00:42:06]There's the straight ones and I don't know what they use them for.

[00:42:10]>> Okay.

[00:42:12]And then there's the ones with a little bowl on them and I knew those were for methamphetamines.

[00:42:18]And the the guy would come in and he would I mean he would he would come in like every day and buy one of the straight ones >> and you can do hot rails with those too.

[00:42:25]>> And I don't even know what that is.

[00:42:29]And uh and he was like, "I bet you don't know." He was like, "I put the rose on my wife's breakfast when I make her breakfast." This is what he said. "And then I make a windchime out of the glasses." Now, now you and I both know that's not a that's the most fragile glass. I mean, like it would if you mashed it too hard, it would break. But this is the stuff that they would tell you. And it like it just got increasingly worse and worse and worse.

[00:42:51]>> There's no way you could make a windchime.

[00:42:52]>> No, you could you you could not make a windchime out of that. And then one night like a phone call came in and uh and it's really sad and it's not even my people, you know, and they were just like, "Oh, we need a glass rose." And this is like 1:00 in the morning and um we're like, "We're not open, you know, and it's a discussion between two people." And they're like, "Well, can you just like hand it to us out the back door?" And it's like, "Yeah, nobody's at the store. Like, we don't live here."

[00:43:22]>> But there was no way to convince them at the back door. You're like, there was no back door.

[00:43:27]>> How much do you need your decorative thing?

[00:43:31]>> People really love.

[00:43:31]>> How bad do you need to make a winchime?

[00:43:33]>> I got to have the rose for my wife's birthday. And it was like and it was so sad. And they were like they were like, "We don't know what to do." And like And then the And the more you find out, the more it's like horrifying, you know, like cuz it's it's what's horrifying is I'm sitting here going, "You could have done it this way. You could have done it this way." Well, that's what I was about to say is like is >> dang, they should have called me. I could have >> told you where to get this.

[00:44:00]>> Well, that's what I was going to say is like um you know I I'm not a huge proponent of the whole like you know provide the needles thing, you know, because the heroin people are going to do it. But at the same time, it's like it is true that like if you can't go to the gas station and get your glass thing, you're going to find a way. I'm sure to do that.

[00:44:23]>> I found out through this >> and it's probably going to be a lot >> uh riskier.

[00:44:29]>> Found out through the process they will use a light bulb >> and I like I I blew my mind. It blew my mind and you know we had inmates working for us uh they were work release inmates a long time ago and um I remember one of them uh he just tugged on my heartstrings because he was very clearly not educated. He didn't know how to read and write, you know, and I remember I cried about that, too, cuz I'm a big softy. And cuz I was like, >> you are a crier.

[00:44:56]>> Oh my god. Well, okay. So, you're looking at this grown man, right? And he like we're out at the property and we're doing some stuff with the fence. And I was like, tell me how long that is like with a tape measure. And he stretches out. I was like, "How long is it?" And he didn't know, >> right?

[00:45:10]>> And I was like, "Do you not know how to read a tape measure?" And he said, and he just kind of hung his head. And he was like, "No, ma'am." And I said, ' Do you know how to read? No, ma'am. And you know, he's going through life, you know, and then it's like, no wonder you were manufacturing methamphetamine. You don't You have no idea how to read and write.

[00:45:32]And >> I can't read a tape measure, but I can make some meth.

[00:45:35]>> Yes.

[00:45:36]>> I won't blow myself up, but that tape measure has got me.

[00:45:39]>> Well, and it was just so sad to me because he was he had such a good heart.

[00:45:43]like he was not a mean person, you know, and of course I mean obviously I know he did wrong but when he was sober and he was in the re and when he was in work release he's in jail he can't get a hold of drugs he had the kindest heart you know and I'm like my god no wonder he was doing meth and manufacturing meth and selling meth he can't get a regular job right >> you know so like for me that was when it was like okay and that was even that was before I was directly affected by it and I even started then like trying to take into consideration what everybody may be going through because you just don't know cuz the cuz I asked him I I would always ask him, you know, when we would get a new inmate, what are you in jail for? And and when they're in the work release program, they're not violent offenders at all. Um and he just looked at me and he grinned real big and he said, "I sold $28,000 worth of meth to an undercover cop." And in my mind, I'm like me, my first thought was, you didn't get the indication that this guy, most people that are on drugs don't have that much money. And he did this like it was it was like three transactions, huge transactions back to back to back to back. And it was like but the poor thing he didn't know, you know. And to me, >> well, I mean, there's a whole I mean, there's a whole supply chain above, you know, like people on the ground aren't the ones behind 28,000 of meth, you know, right?

[00:47:15]>> That was a big >> I couldn't help it. I I wanted to know like what is in it, okay? Like cuz he was he was doing he was making it. He was the one making it. And I'm just like, okay, so just what's the recipe?

[00:47:29]You know, like I was I want to know >> tell me chat GPT what's the recipe? I wanted to know like, okay, what's in it?

[00:47:35]>> I promise you guys, my mom is not making this at home.

[00:47:38]>> I don't even remember. I don't remember the ingredients and I'm not going to tell you.

[00:47:41]>> Wait, is isopropyl alcohol used in some process of it?

[00:47:45]>> I I don't remember. I never manufactured. No, this >> when he got to I remember >> cuz I was The reason I ask is because I've gotten some weird looks going around town because this new resin 3D printer that I have takes a lot of isopropyl alcohol to wash the prints after they're done. Like I have 20 gallons of of 99% anhydra IPA like in there and I started buying it online.

[00:48:10]I'm not making drugs >> before. No, I'm not. I'm not. I swear to God I'm not. But like I've been to uh >> maybe they think you're drinking it.

[00:48:19]>> I I doubt it. I don't I would be alive if >> Okay.

[00:48:23]>> But but I I've gotten some weird looks.

[00:48:24]I will say cuz I've you know like buy them out of stock buy them out of stock at Dollar General and they're like what are you you doing? I'm like I I'm 3D printing I swear. So if anyone has seen me around town on Amazon I >> that's what I started doing >> like a Costco all the alcohol.

[00:48:46]>> So I don't remember exactly the ingredients that he told me. I just remember distinctly that gun bluing was involved in his recipe and I was like >> gun blueing.

[00:48:58]>> Hold on. Okay. So you know the when you have a gun barrel and it's got like that blue sheen on it.

[00:49:03]>> Right. Right. That's gun bluing.

[00:49:04]>> Yeah.

[00:49:05]>> And I was I was just like, "Y'all, you're smoking that?" Like, and in my mind, he acted like it was no big deal. And in my mind, I'm just like, "Bubba, you got to know that's not good for you."

[00:49:22]>> Oh, it's the it's the chemical that they put on the barrel to to then do the tempering process or whatever. I can't remember what it's >> guning. And I was just like, "What?" And listen, I don't remember the rest of the recipe. If I did, I wouldn't give it to you, but I really don't remember it.

[00:49:39]>> I'm just going to let you know, anybody that's smoking meth doesn't care what's in it.

[00:49:43]>> That's not what we're thinking about.

[00:49:45]>> Okay. I was going to get around to that.

[00:49:46]That's the scary part because I was watching this video one time and it's funny, but it's not funny. And you know, everybody gets buttth hurt about everything you say on the internet these days. But this lady cracked me up so bad. And she said, "Do you know why I'm not a crackhead anymore?" "Because crack isn't real anymore." Right? And she was like, "It's always cut with something blah blah blah." And she was just like, "If real crack still existed, I could change motors in my car overnight.

[00:50:16]That's really why I quit doing Coke because coke was turned from crap here."

[00:50:21]And when I started doing stuff, >> I shouldn't We should not be laughing about this.

[00:50:26]>> I was about I was going to say this whenever you were just saying that.

[00:50:29]thought about it. I'm laughing about this because this is my experience. I have made amends. I have owned my stuff.

[00:50:37]I also laugh at trauma. So, it's addiction is not funny. It >> It's not funny.

[00:50:43]>> It's not funny at all.

[00:50:45]>> I laugh at my story because I'm the one who lived it.

[00:50:47]>> Well, and I think that's kind of where her her uh perspective was cuz she was just like, I'm if I could get good crack, I would do good crack. She was like, "But that there's no more good crack." Well, and and then I'm finding out recently that like, you know, there's a lot of like the people are lacing it with fentanyl and it's not good fentanyl.

[00:51:09]It's bad fentanyl, you know, and it's like um I I don't know. That's really scary. Thankfully, look, this is how you know I'm going to say this. God was is involved in my story like all the way.

[00:51:21]Um because when we got busted and after our stuff got pushed back and I went to jail and rehab that I got out of the game before fentanyl really started getting big.

[00:51:32]>> Yeah.

[00:51:33]>> I had I got a possession of fentanyl felony like >> I will have that for the rest of my life because I had one pressed pill in my possession when we got busted >> and it came back tested for with fentanyl in it.

[00:51:46]>> Oh okay. So we I got out of it before fentanyl got like it is now >> and I'm very grateful for that >> because it's just since I've been home from rehab and been sober I know five people from Vernon Parish that have ODed because of fentanyl.

[00:52:06]>> I carry Narcan in my car.

[00:52:08]>> That that's a true story.

[00:52:09]>> Like fentanyl is is uh I mean it's in the microgram scale, right?

[00:52:14]>> Yes. So like if you're going to press pills or something like that, I mean you got to really like know what you're doing.

[00:52:20]>> None of them giving a crap about knowing exactly how much to put in. They're not for >> So you're going to die.

[00:52:26]>> Yeah.

[00:52:27]>> Essentially.

[00:52:27]>> Well, and Paisley even like when she found she had the narcans in my console.

[00:52:33]>> I was going through like a bag because I needed it for a field trip. I It was like a cute little brown backpack that she hadn't used in forever and it's filled with the brim to the brim with stuff she doesn't touch anymore. and I cleaned it out and I handed her all the stuff and I was holding it in my shirt and dropped it on her bed and I picked it up and whenever I found it I was like I think this is Narcan but I don't want to sound stupid so I'm not going to say anything. She was like, "Mom, why do you have Narcan?" And I was just like, you know, I didn't know when I would run across the person that was, you know, like what if I walk in, you know, and I and they're overdosed or anybody. It didn't it didn't matter to me um if I came across somebody, you know, and I I don't advocate for people being addicts, but I also don't want to see anybody's kid laying there overdosing and know that there's something so inexpensive.

[00:53:24]And that's the reality of it now.

[00:53:26]>> Yeah.

[00:53:27]>> That it could you could walk anywhere and it happened right in front of you like that.

[00:53:31]>> Yeah.

[00:53:31]>> That's the God that's so scary that that so little of it is um is is deadly. Um we got to I mean we got to stop that at because you know that there's got to be distribution sources that are sophisticated to be able to put this stuff out, right? you know, I don't know if the majority of it is like, you know, prescription abuse or or something um where it's coming from, you know, legitimate laboratories or whatever. Um or what, but yeah, we're going to we're going to nip that in the bud cuz >> it's scary.

[00:54:03]>> Yeah. And and if you see someone o ODing on u on fentinel, I mean, I guess you wouldn't necessarily have a way to know, but just anyone ODing, right?

[00:54:12]>> Well, they be careful about Yeah. Like don't >> That's the That's the thing is it's like a snore. It's um it's it's it's something that's really weird to hear because you kind of think that they're asleep, but you can't shake them awake.

[00:54:25]>> Um and sometimes there will be, you know, fluid coming out of their mouth or something like that. You know, it's it's pretty indicative of uh something's very wrong. Wasn't there just um I think I saw a news story just the other day about like uh five five or six cops that were on a OD scene like OD call and had just skin contact brief skin contact had to be narc and that's how they slice it and dice it they say so much now that it's so dangerous to even come into contact with it and I want to ask you something uh and if this is too sensitive a subject you know you feel free to tell me >> so uh for For those of you that don't know, um your uncle was the dare officer.

[00:55:08]>> Yes.

[00:55:09]>> Uh Thaad Bales, may he rest in peace.

[00:55:11]One of the greatest men I ever knew in my lifetime. Uh do you ever feel like he was disappointed in me?

[00:55:17]>> Absolutely.

[00:55:18]>> I like I I I have literally said, "Uncle Thad is rolling over in his grave like because how am I related to the drug the dare officer?"

[00:55:28]>> Right.

[00:55:28]>> Like >> but at the same time, I know he's proud because I got sober.

[00:55:33]>> Right. Right? Like I would have felt if that was my uncle, I'm gonna be clear, he's not even my uncle. And I would have felt like he was specifically judging me from heaven because it's like we all passed the DARE program.

[00:55:46]>> Sure did. And I was involved in that program, >> right? Oh, he was your uncle. He was your uncle. So, like I mean, and it's it's not funny. We're not laughing about addiction. You have to laugh through things to, you know, process them and, you know, not it doesn't have to be so dead serious. It is very scary. Here's the thing. I'm going to interrupt you.

[00:56:05]I'm sorry.

[00:56:05]>> Yeah. Go ahead.

[00:56:07]>> I h I had made I have to have a positive mindset.

[00:56:10]>> Yes.

[00:56:11]>> I cannot even in the worst situation since I have been sober, I still find the good in it because if I allow myself to go down the negative side, >> then I'm I'm stepping backwards. I'm not correct >> continuing to move forward. So being able to laugh about it is staying positive like it is what it is.

[00:56:34]>> Yeah.

[00:56:35]>> Nothing I can do today is going to change what I did back then.

[00:56:38]>> Right. My person the other day we were talking and uh you know they were laughing. They were talking about something they had done you know when they were in the throws of addiction.

[00:56:46]And you know he's just going on and on about how you know I can't believe I did that. you know, like he was he said, "And I was just lying to everybody and and I I thought that nobody knew, you know, that I was on anything." And he was like, "And everybody knew." And you know, he's laughing about it. He was like, "I can't believe I did that." You know, and so there is a a healing nature of being able to kind of be like, "Dang, you know, what was I thinking?" to be able to go back and look, you know, and >> and that's the thing like I share I I say I share the good, the bad, and the ugly >> of my story and about recovery because I never want to give anybody the misconception that recovery is easy. It is absolutely not.

[00:57:30]>> No.

[00:57:30]>> Um and I just have this desire to help everybody that I can because especially here there is very little help.

[00:57:40]>> Yeah. It's a >> it it's it's it's >> there's a lot of drugs and no drug outlet, you know, help out.

[00:57:46]>> And and I'm going to jump back to whenever I got put on probation and have to stay here.

[00:57:51]My probation payment a month was almost $700.

[00:57:56]>> Mhm.

[00:57:56]>> That didn't include regular bills like rent, lights, all the things.

[00:58:02]Thankfully, I'm blessed. My parents let me stay in their little house, but most people don't have that.

[00:58:07]>> Yeah.

[00:58:07]>> That's how they stay in it. It's such a vicious cycle. There's no outlet because who can really afford to pay $700 a month and regular bills, >> right?

[00:58:15]>> Nobody. So, it's a revolving door because but thankfully I completed probation with zero sanctions. So, >> thank God.

[00:58:24]>> Yeah. Very few people, very few people do that in Vernon Parish because there's no I think that's the sad part is, you know, like sometimes you'll see the comments um on social media and it'll be like, oh, this is the same person getting arrested, you know, and it's like, yeah, they're a drug addict and they're getting out and they're waiting for a court date and they're going right back to where they were, you know, there's no resources. And I'm not knocking anybody. I don't think somebody I'm not judging anybody or saying it's anybody's fault that we don't have resources.

[00:58:54]>> I think it's just become this thing and nobody really knows what to do.

[00:58:58]>> Something we got we should bring attention to and um >> Absolutely.

[00:59:02]>> And yeah, >> where is the closest facility?

[00:59:05]>> Uh there's one in Crowley. There's I think there's one I know there's one in Lacine.

[00:59:11]>> There's one in Monroe.

[00:59:12]>> Monroe and then some some further down south. So I mean in it is so important I feel like that we that we uh get a facility somewhere near I mean as bad as our drug problem has become here we've got to have something uh something has to change because that you know that >> that um time off >> uh and and time where you are separated from the people the drugs >> uh the rest of your life where you're dedicating this time to take that space and for your brain to rebuild the receptors. I mean, it it's a it's like a it's a brain chemistry thing. It's not >> um it's not just like a personal journey thing. It's it's like it's a bunch of that complete reset.

[01:00:01]>> There's part a huge part of this process that you cannot control. It is just a chemistry thing, >> right?

[01:00:06]>> And uh and that has to it just takes time, >> right? And a lot of things with like the whole brain chemistry is that like a lot of kids my age are doing this stuff like they're drinking alcohol, they're doing drugs, like smoking weed.

[01:00:18]>> Well, and and you know, I should say like if there's anyone listening who you know is thinking about doing meth or or opioids or or something like that. It's like >> these are not the same as alcohol, nicotine.

[01:00:34]>> No, >> you you you wipe out those receptors first time. You know, that's why the the slogan I would guess is for meth is like not even once, you know.

[01:00:43]>> Yeah.

[01:00:44]>> Because it's uh and then it just takes time and then once you're over that hump, I can imagine that feels very relieving.

[01:00:50]>> Oh, yeah. Absolutely. Um I will say that really just the past year >> Mhm.

[01:00:59]>> I have felt more like myself. Mhm.

[01:01:03]>> And then I got diagnosed with lupus and I was like, how did I make it through 23 years of drug addiction and now I'm losing my mind. I didn't know I had lupus at the time. But it you have to give yourself patience, like grace. You have to give your give your body rest because your whole entire body, every part of your body is going to go through a hard reset.

[01:01:27]>> Especially me, 23 years of putting all this stuff into me. Um, but once you allow yourself to have that time, it it's a it's an amazing feeling because it's like you're learning who you are sober and then once your body starts feeling better, it's like you are a whole brand new person.

[01:01:47]>> Were you ever afraid of who you were going to be sober or like apprehensive about it or >> um I don't know if I even really thought about it like that.

[01:01:59]The only thing I worried about is whenever I got put on anti-depressants in December is that I wasn't going to be funny anymore.

[01:02:07]No, I really asked my dad. I was like, "What happens if I'm not funny anymore?

[01:02:11]>> What happens if I don't have?"

[01:02:12]>> He said, "Uh, if you're asking me this, I think you'll be fine."

[01:02:17]I don't know that I really thought about it because you have to think I was 15 years old when I started doing them.

[01:02:23]>> Mhm.

[01:02:23]>> I didn't know who I was as a person anyway.

[01:02:26]>> You don't. Yeah. you know, so >> it probably seemed like an irrelevant thing at that point. You're like, "This has got to happen. Whoever I am after this, it's got to happen."

[01:02:33]>> Yeah, it's got to happen.

[01:02:35]>> And how long was that process like like for you to uh when did you start noticing that you you thought you were kind of over the hump, like, "All right, I'm over the worst of it. I can I can do this."

[01:02:47]>> I would say whenever I went to rehab. I mean, I went to rehab sober because I had been in jail, >> right? And because I had isolated myself before I went to rehab, I didn't have any desire, like I knew that I had to do it this time.

[01:03:02]Before I would be right back out there as soon as I got out of jail, but I knew I didn't want to lose my kids, my family forever.

[01:03:10]>> So, how long was this after your la your last usage? Like >> 98 days.

[01:03:15]>> 98 days.

[01:03:17]>> And then you selfisolated for how long before you went to rehab?

[01:03:20]>> Two weeks.

[01:03:20]>> Two weeks. Mhm.

[01:03:22]>> So, question.

[01:03:25]How hard was it for you to process that you missed um Avery's graduation?

[01:03:31]>> Hard. Hard. I I have let my kids down a lot through the years. You know, they have they just saw their mom sober when they were 12 and 16, >> right?

[01:03:44]>> You know, um but missing her graduation and most people don't know. I mean, I don't know who all knows this or not, but my parents have legal custody of my children. So, the knowledge of not having legal custody of my kids, missing her graduation was devastating.

[01:04:05]>> Were you mad at them at the time? Like, when that when they had to step in and do that, were you mad?

[01:04:10]>> No. No. I mean, I'm I was surprised it didn't happen before then. Um, and I don't I don't know if I've ever actually like talked to my dad about this, but he told me there was a court date. I never got served papers, whatever, cuz I was not really in communication with anybody, but he told me a court date, and it really could be me because I was high, but I had I was angry at him for a while because I thought he told me the wrong date.

[01:04:36]>> Oh, you were blaming him, >> right? But now since I've been sober looking back, even if he did tell me the the wrong date, thank you. Because why would you want me going in court looking like that, >> right?

[01:04:49]>> You know, but for a long time I was angry, but I was still an addiction. I I wasn't looking at anything rationally.

[01:04:55]He's only ever like we he's only ever said something to me about like we some sort and discussion when I was talking about my personal experience. Uh he briefly discussed that particular situation and I just remember him. It was a very fatherly tough love and you could tell that it ate him up.

[01:05:16]>> Oh yeah.

[01:05:16]>> You know, but at the same time he was just like I had to do what I had to do, >> right?

[01:05:21]>> And I was not going to I was not going to let anything happen to those kids.

[01:05:25]>> No. And and one thing that even my parents will tell you all through the years whenever I knew my children wouldn't be safe with me, I always took them to my parents house and left them.

[01:05:36]>> That is something that I always >> So even in the throws of addiction, you knew when it was good for them.

[01:05:41]>> Several times throughout the years that I just that they were better over there.

[01:05:46]>> So that just tells you that drug uh drug addiction does not excuse you to abuse your children.

[01:05:52]>> No, it doesn't. Just to put that out there.

[01:05:54]>> And it doesn't excuse you of doing anything to your kids. Like you should always do >> if you're not doing what's best for yourself, what makes you think you can do the best for them.

[01:06:05]>> Right. Right. So even even not having them. Okay. Let's go there. Like cuz that goes to your point of you have to decide when you've had enough. So even losing your kids, like custody of your kids, you still were in went through addiction. Yeah.

[01:06:24]>> Yeah. Um I think it was well when the actual court date was I think it was 3 months before I went to jail and then I I got sober. So like that was very fresh and then I met missed Avery's graduation. So like that whole thing was the end and the beginning, >> right?

[01:06:45]>> Because I was not going to have anything if I didn't do it this time because the legal part's already gone. Like I don't you know, um, >> and you don't really have much to do in jail but to sit there and think about every bad thing that you did. Huh.

[01:06:59]>> Yeah. No, >> I I threw myself straight into my Bible.

[01:07:03]Like >> straight into it.

[01:07:06]>> Yeah. I would imagine that that's a once you go through the detox and then you just have to sit there and think about what you did and how you're going to fix it and how you're going to get out of it cuz you don't have a choice. You're there within four walls. Was that almost was that almost was there a sense of relief there at all >> in in the initial Yeah, I know that sounds crazy, but like you're like, "All right, you knew you knew that you you know had to stop and you're like, "Okay, now I'm being forced to."

[01:07:33]>> There was a relief of I was out of the situation, >> right?

[01:07:37]>> But I will say not really because there's only one female dorm over there.

[01:07:44]Mhm.

[01:07:45]>> So every day multiple people are coming in that are >> messed up, >> you know, getting arrested.

[01:07:52]>> On the slim occasion things get brought into the dorm. So it >> it >> so it was still it wasn't even an isolated environment. It was >> right.

[01:08:03]>> That's that's awful.

[01:08:04]>> Yeah. A jail is not um it's not always ideal because on the off chance that you get to have to be a SY with somebody that's coming off of it.

[01:08:15]>> Oh. Well, in the female dorms there's no s. It's just all bunks >> in a big open big dorm. Yeah. So, >> well, I mean, even rehabs sometimes.

[01:08:23]Yeah.

[01:08:23]>> You know, you have people actively bringing in, you know, drugs or whatever. Um >> I mean I don't know. I feel like, look, I'm generally not for government regulation on things. I'm for for little little as little government intervention as possible, but I feel like we have to have some regulation around these facilities and availability and payment for these facilities. Like this is >> the problem is like I went to to rehab sober. I can understand having to stay at the detox house long enough to get paperwork processed, whatever. Whatever.

[01:09:00]They made me stay there for 10 days because it's all a money grab for insurance companies, >> right? Which is happening >> everywhere. Yeah. And that's the deal.

[01:09:11]Like the facility, everything, the help was great, but if they they still had to get me all the meds even though I wasn't coming off of anything because the insurance requires it. And it's like you're making these people do things to like >> Let me let me ask you about that cuz I I I've never been an addict, but I find issue with giving somebody a drug to help them get off drugs.

[01:09:44]Because here's the thing, you can abuse it just like you did the drugs.

[01:09:48]>> Absolutely.

[01:09:48]>> You know what I'm saying? Yeah. And and the specific one that I'm referring to is the only one that I know about. If there's other ones out there, I don't I don't know about it. Uh but it was it's suboxin.

[01:09:59]So if you don't have a drug addiction and you took suboxin, you're going to get high from suboxin, >> right?

[01:10:07]>> So by giving you suboxin, I feel like you're creating a separate addiction. Or is that not >> No, because it goes right back to what he was saying, the receptors.

[01:10:17]>> Mhm. And and you should understand too that like I was saying with uh with caffeine uh you know the brain's neuroplasticity applies differently to different different things. So like caffeine your your brain can recover 100% pretty much your entire life as far as from my little research. I'm not not a neuroscientist but just from what I researched. Um but but higher doses of of amphetamines and meth uh destroy some of that neuroplasticity over time, meaning some sometimes in some situations your brain can't fully recover. And I don't know if suboxin works differently on the receptors where it it has some sort of less damaging effect or >> I don't I have to look that up because I don't know. um one of the guys that is above like over the nonprofit, his wife is a PA in Ohio and so he talks a lot about brain receptors and he has a lot of >> knowledge on that. But um it's it's like this. If I was an ADHD and I got Adderall from somebody >> Mhm.

[01:11:27]>> it would make me wired cuz I don't need that >> right >> now. I >> Oh, I see what you're saying. So, if you're not an addict and you take that, obviously it's going to do that to you.

[01:11:38]If you if you are an addict, it does.

[01:11:40]>> It's not It's not the same effect as if this person over here that doesn't need it takes it.

[01:11:44]>> Okay, I got what you're saying. Okay. So that that makes more sense to me because I was reading about how, you know, there was suboxin abuse and I'm just like, wait a minute, I thought this was the thing that >> Well, also I could imagine that like when you're in the throws of addiction with uh is suboxin for meth or >> I think it's for general general like dopamine receptor stimulator. But um but like if if you're trying to get away from that friend group from from the whole atmosphere uh I would imagine that number one you know getting suboxin cuz it's like alcohol I mean some alcoholics are so deep in that you they can't stop they will literally die if they stop cold turkey and you have to wean yourself out.

[01:12:26]>> Oh yeah like we we do not encourage anybody to cold turkey off alcohol because that's seizures that's all kinds of stuff. So, do you eventually as as somebody that may have be, you know, using that, is that something that you eventually do come off of?

[01:12:40]>> If that's what you and your if that person and their provider, yeah, you can taper down over time.

[01:12:45]>> You can taper down on it. Okay, I got you.

[01:12:46]>> But some people, you know, have were on pills or whatever for so long that they're on the lowest dose dose of suboxin and they will not get off of it.

[01:12:57]They because they know.

[01:12:59]>> Mhm.

[01:12:59]>> The second that's not and it's regular.

[01:13:02]>> They're going to go back, >> right? Okay, I got you.

[01:13:04]>> But it's like try telling Makes >> sense to me.

[01:13:05]>> Try telling your meth dealer you want to try tapering off like I think I'm going to, you know.

[01:13:10]>> Yeah, it's probably not going to work.

[01:13:12]>> I do have a question about the whole like starting meth thing. A lot of people say that you'll never get as high as you do the first time.

[01:13:18]>> That's absolutely >> and that's why people continue to do it because they're chasing it.

[01:13:22]>> Okay. I just wanted to know if that was like >> absolutely facts. So, Paisley, um, obviously Paisley goes to a wonderful school where that's not an issue. Um, but in general, in your in your f like in your age group, do you see more like is it more nicotine? Um, you know, in your age group is like like that what what's going on or like I I know I know that there's like a vape thing going on and then >> vaping is not cool. I don't know who convinced anybody of that. If you vape, I'm not gonna judge you. But if you're like doing it because you want to be cool and you want to fit in, you're a loser. I'm sorry. Really sorry.

[01:14:01]>> Well, that's that's not nice. But >> no, I mean, >> it's it's also >> it's also not um I don't know. It's not It kind of it kind of worries me because of the things that have come out about it, you know. And listen, there's people use that to get off of other things and it just is what it is. Um >> you want me to tell you my my reasoning?

[01:14:23]Sure. Oh, I forgot you vape.

[01:14:26]>> That's why I like pressing judging her, >> right?

[01:14:29]>> I tell people all the time that they're like, "Oh, you shouldn't be vaping." And I'm like, "Uh, the number of things that I quit."

[01:14:36]>> Listen, >> yeah, >> about vaping.

[01:14:39]>> Yeah. There. I mean, it could be like, and that's a lot of like a lot of times I have to put things into perspective because I'm like, well, >> this could be much worse, you know, and it could it's not the end of the world because I've been I've been there. So it's it's not that this is not that bad.

[01:14:54]It's not the end of the world. Um so I mean once you've gone through that whether it's personally or with a beloved family member. Um it puts it shifts your perspective on a lot of things because you're not just um you know cuz a lot of times if you thought like one of your kids had a drink or something you know that was the end of the world. You know oh my god you got drunk somewhere you know blah blah blah.

[01:15:17]>> It's the end of the world when when one of them is in active meth addiction.

[01:15:21]It's the end of the world whenever you know your family member's in addiction and you haven't seen or heard from them in months and months and months.

[01:15:29]>> Yes. And that that was also scary because it was like um man the things that that would happen would you know like you never knew when they would or would not have a phone. And um and it it's not funny. And I I usually say it's like funny, but you can genuinely tell when somebody has an addiction like that because if you go to search them on Facebook, they have 19 Facebooks accounts because they get because they lose their phones. They, you know, like and it's like when I say it's funny, you can tell. So I'm not meaning like it's haha there. That's not what I'm saying.

[01:16:04]I'm saying that's a tail tail. like when when somebody is in active addiction, >> they're constantly getting hacked, whatever that means, you know. Um and and it's sad. It's really sad because when I was a 911 dispatcher, we used to have this person call and hand to God, there would be like fireflies in their yard and they would think it was drones, >> you know, like and it's I mean it's true.

[01:16:29]>> And you're having to con and you are not convincing that person that that is not drones >> uh that that are trying Okay, tell me about that. I want to I want to talk about that for a second. Is it a constant state of paranoia? Um I don't know because see I I I am so ADHD. Okay.

[01:16:53]>> Mhm.

[01:16:54]>> That meth actually chilled me out.

[01:16:57]>> Oh.

[01:16:58]>> Like I tell people all the time, me doing meth was like you smoking weed.

[01:17:04]I was cool. So, I I only hallucinated one time, and that's because I had been up for almost 21 days, and I was driving through New Lo, and I saw kids run across the road in front of my car, and I immediately pulled over and got out of my car and walked to the hotel and went to sleep.

[01:17:22]>> 21 days.

[01:17:23]>> Yeah. I don't I don't recommend it at all.

[01:17:27]>> The amount of stuff that you would have to take to be up for that long is that's scary.

[01:17:32]>> Yeah. Well, um, so I don't know.

[01:17:36]I >> You weren't always paranoid about like the cops finding out or >> No, because I think that because I had done it for been in that lifestyle for so long, I >> you you just kind of got >> Yeah.

[01:17:48]>> lacadasical about.

[01:17:49]>> I mean, it was it is what it is. That's a risk that you take. And once I became an adult, I was always on the not just the using side of it. So there was always already precautions and this and that like >> right.

[01:18:07]>> So I I wouldn't say I was lazy about it.

[01:18:11]I wasn't worried. I wasn't worried.

[01:18:13]>> I want to say that at the heart of all this, obviously Valerie and I were friends when she started doing this. And I need to be very clear, she was a very good friend because she never offered me drugs. Uh so >> that I never did to people that were close to me.

[01:18:28]>> There's Well, that >> because how could I how could I keep my secret if I'm offering you drugs?

[01:18:34]>> Right. Right. Well, two, it kind of tells me that somewhere in there, you know, like even even at your worst, you still knew, you know, that you like you you were still a good person in there.

[01:18:47]That's I think that's the part everybody forgets. Well, and see this is the deal.

[01:18:50]Like whenever I was with my ex, we always had two houses. One house people stayed in that didn't have nowhere to go. Yes, I was selling them drugs, but we were also providing them and their kids a place to stay. I was cooking for them every day. Like, no, it doesn't cancel each other out. But people will have has actually told me since I've been sober, like >> we always knew you had a good heart.

[01:19:15]>> Yeah.

[01:19:16]>> Because you always were taking care of us. even whenever you weren't doing good.

[01:19:20]>> Right. Right. And I think that's that's indicative of that because I think automatically everybody always thinks that um whether they're a former addict or or an active addict um because to be quite frank with you, when you're in the throws of addiction, you're going to do stuff that you would not normally do.

[01:19:40]Um, and a lot of times, uh, that whether you're in jail or whether you're on the street or whatever the case may be, somehow translates to a multitude of bad tattoos. Um, some of them are on their face. Uh, and I I just like and I know that tattoos, you know, have such a stigma around them already, but you really don't know what somebody's gone through. you know, if they have bad jailhouse tattoos, but they seem like a pretty chill person, probably have had something going on in their life, you know, that that you don't know about, and you probably shouldn't judge them because of that.

[01:20:13]>> Absolutely.

[01:20:14]>> You know, because I and I've had to learn that. I've had that has been it was a learned behavior that I would prejudge somebody because of that anyway. And I had to break that behavior because you just don't know what life somebody has lived, you know, and um and it will humble you in ways that you would never imagine um into being more empathetic with people uh regardless of what their situation is. And um admittedly, you know, I mean, I used to be pretty nonchalant about it. And uh it's not a nonchalant thing. It's actually very sad. You know, it's it's really sad. And then once you go too far, and I don't know where that threshold is, >> there's not a set threshold.

[01:20:58]>> Yeah. You're what they call burn. Yeah.

[01:20:59]And and you have done permanent damage that cannot be undone, you know, and and you should hope that that particular time is not the time that you take it too far.

[01:21:09]>> And that's what the sad thing is about the drugs that are out now is you're these kids are getting burnt immediately and there's no coming back for There's no coming back from it.

[01:21:21]>> You know, people be like, "How did you do drugs for 23 years and you still got your brain?" Cuz it wasn't the same drugs that's out there.

[01:21:27]>> Well, and two, you have to you have to take into consideration at what age they're doing it, how much did they do it, you know, and and what was in it.

[01:21:35]Um, you know, there's just there's so many factors uh in it now. And then what people also don't realize is they'll look, they'll be like, "Oh, you're burnt, you know." Well, some of that is drug induced mental illness. And that is a that's a real thing.

[01:21:48]>> Yes.

[01:21:49]>> You know, that's a real thing. And I didn't know that until I had to personally experience it. And you know, and it's really hard, >> you know, like I I've seen people that are fully recovered, you know, that every now and then, you know, they get I mean, and it's very real that something they it has given them lasting effects, you know, and and it's it's really sad.

[01:22:12]It's really sad. So did throughout this whole process is there anybody that was worth losing that you lost throughout this whole process?

[01:22:22]>> No, not that was worth losing. Everybody that like >> everybody that's not in my life don't need to be in my life.

[01:22:29]>> That's a that's a great way to look at it. My whole thing is if you were in my life and I got sober and that's a problem for you >> and and you're nowhere in the picture, then you didn't need to be brought into this part of it.

[01:22:47]>> Who was the hardest person to win back over in your sobriety?

[01:22:55]>> I I wouldn't say any of them were more hard difficult than the other. I mean, the only people that I was worried about mending relationships with was my family, >> right?

[01:23:06]>> Um, I will say that my children probably, but I that's what I expected.

[01:23:12]>> Yeah.

[01:23:13]>> Um, it took them a little longer to trust that I wasn't going to leave them.

[01:23:18]I wasn't going to run off with the next guy, you know, and not that I ran off with guys all the time, but I did have a history of putting whoever I was with before my children. Um, but I also have provided my kids, you know, counseling, whatever you need to do to process through this trauma that I caused you to where we're not carrying this on.

[01:23:39]>> Did you ever have like a sit down conversation with them to where you were like you just kind of laid it all out and >> Oh, yeah. We've had a like I've I've always told my kids age age appropriate information because obviously whenever I was in the game doing things illegally, I needed my kids to know if anything happens, this is what you do, >> right?

[01:23:59]>> And and don't do that. Like don't put your kids in that situation. But, you know, I'd have my kids riding around with me while I'm going drop stuff off like just stupid stuff.

[01:24:09]>> But it seems like normal everyday stuff when you're doing that. You know, this is just what we do. So before I got sober, there was already conversations being had. So once I got sober, >> obviously, yes, there's more conversations, but it wasn't brand new to them, >> right?

[01:24:25]>> So >> I would think as um as a child, that would probably be a lot to take in and then forgive somebody for and then try to think that they're never going to do that again. That would probably be a lot.

[01:24:37]>> But here's the thing, that's all they knew.

[01:24:39]>> Right. Right. So it wasn't like our life was this way and then it changed to this.

[01:24:43]>> Are they happier now?

[01:24:44]>> Oh yeah, absolutely. And our relationship is I can the relationship I have with my children now is nowhere near anything that I can describe.

[01:24:54]>> Do you do you do they joke about it with you now?

[01:24:56]>> Oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. Well, at least they >> Everybody jokes about it.

[01:25:02]>> Like will be like you did drugs.

[01:25:06]>> Oh my gosh, Valerie, you went to jail.

[01:25:09]That would be something Marissa would do.

[01:25:11]>> Oh yeah.

[01:25:12]>> Like what? I I'm telling you, I I remember I remember that day like it was yesterday when when the mug shot got put out and I was truly heartbroken. I remember like sending messages like >> Have you seen the mug shot?

[01:25:27]>> No.

[01:25:27]>> You would not.

[01:25:28]>> I got you.

[01:25:29]>> She's proud of her mug shot because you It's not the same person.

[01:25:32]>> It is truly not the same person. And I remember seeing it. Look, I'll pull it up. admittedly. Oh, he's going to pull it up.

[01:25:39]>> Okay, just search Valerie Kane. Burn it.

[01:25:44]>> I'm laughing, but really that's all you got to do?

[01:25:46]>> Well, okay. So, the thing was was I I had not seen C A I N.

[01:25:52]>> Uh I had not seen you in a in a number of years. And I was just like, that's not Valerie. That is not Valerie. Go to images.

[01:26:02]>> Yeah, >> that one right there. The third one.

[01:26:05]>> The third one.

[01:26:07]Oh my goodness.

[01:26:08]>> Did that It's not her.

[01:26:10]>> That's crazy.

[01:26:14]>> It's not her.

[01:26:16]>> Wow. Congrats.

[01:26:18]>> Congrats. Seriously, >> I remember that. I'm telling you, I stared at my phone for I don't know how long before I mustered up the courage to text somebody because I was just like, "That is not my friend." Like, I just I You did not look like that in high school, you know? and and I had seen you throughout the years after graduation and everything, but you know, and we would talk or whatever, but I just remember seeing that and I was just like devastated. And uh and then you don't want to be nosy, you know, but you like me, I wanted to make sure everybody was okay. Like, are the kids good? Like uh you know, is your dad okay? Is your mom okay? You know, >> and Marissa, she took my nosiness like a champ, you know. She uh she knew it was coming from a good place. But I just remember like and when it happens in a small town, it's a little bit different.

[01:27:08]>> So, was it harder building getting sober here or rebuilding your reputation?

[01:27:18]>> Uh, I will say that I wasn't worried about my reputation.

[01:27:21]>> You just didn't care. It was just like >> that's I don't give a crap what you think about me, >> right?

[01:27:26]>> You What was important was rebuilding my relationships with my family.

[01:27:31]>> Yeah. And whenever you've been in addiction for so long and you get sober, your your actions have to prove everything. You have done too much of this in addiction that they ain't listening to this.

[01:27:41]>> So, I wasn't worried about my reputation because I knew that I was doing it for real and my actions would >> show anybody and everybody, >> right, >> that this is what it is. And that's one of the reasons that I started, you know, sharing my random day updates on my Facebook because, >> yeah, you see me out here doing great.

[01:28:01]You see me smiling. You see me having a great time. Don't think that this is easy.

[01:28:04]>> Yeah.

[01:28:04]>> You know, but it's >> I I tell people all the time in our chats like you're wasting your time talking.

[01:28:12]>> Yeah.

[01:28:13]>> They want action. And I think that's from the family member perspective of it. It's really hard because I truly don't trust anything that's coming out of your mouth. M >> you know what I'm saying? Absolutely.

[01:28:23]>> And and with all and then I feel bad about it, but it's like I have a reason to feel this way. I feel guilty for feeling this way and I do love you. It's not that I don't love you, but there's been so much happened and so much has gone down.

[01:28:36]>> You have to heal from the trauma that you have from that situation.

[01:28:40]>> Yes. Well, and two, from a family member perspective, you're always waiting for the other shoe to drop >> at all times.

[01:28:46]>> Look, perspective is this. Marissa sent me this. I think it was a Tik Tok, but basically it was like the girl that was making the video, her sister had oded and Marissa was like, "This was literally me preparing how to live my life without you."

[01:29:03]>> Mhm.

[01:29:04]>> I had gone and uh you know, I had I had made preparations, you know, for fail safes, uh for whatever may or may not happen. Um, and I remember I got a phone call from the police one day and it was was a friend of mine that was a police officer and uh they asked if I knew where they were and I sat down because I was fully fully prepared to be told that they found them and that they were no longer with us.

[01:29:31]>> Right.

[01:29:32]>> And I remember just taking a deep breath and waiting to hear that. And then like when that wasn't that and it was something else and they were actively looking for them for something that had happened, it was just like I'm mortified that they've committed a crime, but at the same time I'm so relieved that they're not dead, >> right?

[01:29:56]>> Because I thought that was in jail. You know, we're safe. You know, we're eating. We know he's sleeping good. I felt so bad because like knowing that they were in jail was the most peace that I had felt in I don't know how long, you know, and I like it broke my heart that they were there, >> but at the same time I felt I could sleep.

[01:30:15]>> I knew they were okay, you know. I knew somebody was there. I knew there was no drugs, you know, there were they weren't they weren't going to OD, you know, and it was just like, wow, >> this is the weirdest feeling. I don't even care that they're in jail because and it's not that I didn't care. I did care, but I didn't care that I was they were in jail like in that sense. Like I wasn't embarrassed. It was just like >> right >> what a relief, you know, because it's um it's very scary cuz they're not going to listen to you at all. They don't listen to anything you say.

[01:30:48]>> Um and and the reason I'm saying they is because that is not my story to tell, right?

[01:30:53]>> Uh and I >> and that's something that is very important. And I have so much respect for you for doing it that way because I would be livid.

[01:31:01]>> Yeah.

[01:31:02]>> Because nobody else walked in my shoes and lived through everything that I've lived through.

[01:31:07]>> You know, if I if I said Jessica, I can't come on your thing. But you can say blah blah blah blah blah and I'm, you know, I'm quoting Valerie, don't tell my story.

[01:31:17]>> Yeah. It's not because you don't know.

[01:31:19]>> Yeah. and that, you know, and and that person knows that if they ever want to come and and have that conversation, we'll have that conversation. Um, but it it's not my story to tell. You know, I have my perspective of it, but their identity is their identity. And if they ever feel if they ever get cuz I'm sure a year after after your journey or into your journey, you probably wouldn't have done this a year in. It probably took you a while to get >> uh No, probably not a year in. Yeah, it probably takes you a while to soak it all in.

[01:31:50]>> After my after my I celebrated my two year is when I really started getting vocal.

[01:31:55]>> I remember that post.

[01:31:56]>> And so, but again, I came home with a desire to help other people because addiction doesn't run in my family, >> right?

[01:32:05]>> That is not something like I think my dad said there was an alcoholic like several generations back. So it you know people are like oh addiction's genetics da da da not technically. So when Okay.

[01:32:19]So do you think that that that's a good question. Do you think that it is a disease a choice or both? Cuz I see it both ways. I can see it both ways now.

[01:32:29]>> Yeah. Then it see this is the deal. It was a choice for me because I knew I had already been diagnosed with these mental health problems and instead of dealing with that, I numbed it.

[01:32:44]>> Yeah.

[01:32:44]>> So, but after a certain point, it's not a choice, it's a necessity because you you're so far off of the deep end in it.

[01:32:52]>> That was that's kind of I don't I I don't like calling it a disease because a disease is something that you know it's lupus cancer is a disease. Uh but I do understand the nature of when you are fully and and I know people that if you have never loved somebody that is an addict or been an addict yourself and you will never understand what I'm saying when the the initial addiction is a choice like you chose to do the drugs etc etc but at some point it becomes a normal everyday function of your life just like when you get up and have your cup of coffee that is a normal and it is no longer longer a choice for them.

[01:33:32]There's no functioning without that.

[01:33:35]>> Sorry, I should have gotten the tissue box out.

[01:33:37]>> It's okay.

[01:33:38]>> I didn't know I was going to Well, you know, and and and admittedly, both of us have experienced what I'm talking about, you know. So, it is even though now, you know, we're not we're in a season of our life where it's not a thing. Active addiction isn't, we do understand that relapse happens just like sobriety happens. So that's something that you also have to work through and live through and and then and processing all of it is hard.

[01:34:04]>> Yeah. And I was I was going to bring up the same point. It was like Yeah. I don't think you should should see it as um like you said the initial addiction is is a choice. Yes. But that's also a choice that you could make like if you're we don't have enough education around why uh I I don't think we're honest enough about the the brain chemistry side. I mean, it kind of blew my mind when I learned this stuff when I just did research because I didn't really know. I mean, I knew that it was kind of a uh you know, these harder drugs, it's like you you do it once and but I didn't know why. Um >> I think you don't want to feel anything.

[01:34:41]>> Yeah. But um >> I think that has a lot to do with it. I think it's that you are there's something going on. You're hurting somewhere >> and you don't want to think about what you're thinking about.

[01:34:53]>> No, but I'm talking about the brain chemistry aspect of it where it's like we There's a reason that it hooks you first time and it's not >> Oh, it's not something you can control.

[01:35:01]>> You might not like I did it one time and I'm done. You do it one time and you might be able to just do it one time and be done with it.

[01:35:07]>> Yeah.

[01:35:08]>> You know, there is something different about >> Although with these although with the harder drugs, I mean, that's kind of how I feel about alcohol in a way. Luckily, I don't have an addictive personality with alcohol. I I will get I will get to where I will have a bit of a dependence on it, but it's always easy for me to like, you know, >> it's just Taco Bell for you.

[01:35:28]>> It's It's Taco Bell. It's food. Yeah.

[01:35:31]But but um I mean nicotine, I think, is a good example because a lot of people have a nicotine addiction and they understand what it's like to come off.

[01:35:38]It's not something that you control. You don't, you know, if you look at an at an addict and you think that it's something that, oh, well, they just should have more willpower or it >> it's not a willpower.

[01:35:50]>> It's not even in that domain.

[01:35:53]>> And and yeah, I I think it's crazy that that some people don't view this as like uh >> I think it's easy for them because they've never experienced it.

[01:36:02]>> It's easy for them to live in a bubble and just be oblivious because why? Well, from my perspective, um, which admittedly I don't know that I ever looked at you even when we would catch up with each other or whatever and knew that any of this was going on. I don't think I knew you or like we were close when you were in the throws of other stuff. But as far I would have never known you were doing opioids. I would have never known that. But um if you have never looked into the eyeballs of somebody that you love with your whole heart and they're completely void and vacant like I mean and they're not there.

[01:36:43]>> Oh no.

[01:36:44]>> They're not there. I mean they're looking at you and they're saying some heinous things to you and they're saying things that cut you to the bone, but that is not them. It is not them.

[01:36:54]they're like even if they're not saying anything ugly to you, that is not your person, you know, that's not the person that you know, it's not the person that you love because I remember there was an instance, you know, and um it got said that I was trying to kill this person and they wanted a restraining order.

[01:37:14]That was not true, you know. And I'm looking at them and >> allegedly >> they're allegedly >> and they're I mean luckily the officer that was on scene that knew me and but they were not there at all. I mean they were in there somewhere but at that time and I don't know may maybe you do know this but their eyes are just >> it's something has taken over them that is other like it's not of this world.

[01:37:44]That's why I I don't share my before.

[01:37:48]>> Sorry, Paisley.

[01:37:50]>> My before and now pictures because I'm bragging or anything like that. It's because I was a dead person standing there.

[01:37:58]>> You were dead on the inside. And that's I think that's what like the >> it's like the ghost of you is there, >> you know, but you're just a you're a vessel for drugs. That's that's and I hate to even say it that way and I don't mean it ugly to anybody. Um and and and if you happen to be trying to get sober or whatever the case may be, I think it's important for you to know how your family feels. You know, if you're listening to this right now and you're thinking that you need to get sober, I'm telling you, it is taking the life out of your family.

[01:38:30]>> Yes.

[01:38:30]>> You know that we're doing all we can do.

[01:38:33]You know, and if you've never been where Oh, there's those 15 ply paper towels.

[01:38:40]if you've never been um you know, you never know what the the next phone call is. You never know what the next knock on the door is. Um and then you know like I remember one time um seeing them on my ring footage >> and like my heart sunk because I was just like what's going on, you know, like what's happening? I don't know. You know, and it it's constant. It is a constant just up and down, up and down, up and down. And and you get to be high for it, >> right?

[01:39:09]>> You know, like, >> right, >> we are dealing with your addiction.

[01:39:12]>> We think we're doing this >> stone cold sober, >> you know, and it's not funny. It's not.

[01:39:18]But it's like you get to numb what you're going through while putting us through the ringer and we're stone cold sober.

[01:39:27]>> Yeah. you know, and and it will it will do some things to you when when because it's just like, you know, there are days where it's like, "Oh my god, no wonder they're doing drugs, you know, like they're trying to they're just trying to be numb and I want to like bring me some drugs. I want to be numb with you because you are killing me, right?"

[01:39:46]>> You know, and that that's really hard.

[01:39:49]Um, and and I know, you know, because your family is close-knit and very loving, and I I know that it had to be terrible for them.

[01:39:58]>> Absolutely.

[01:39:58]>> I know that it had to be terrible, you know, and your your dad. Um, if for anybody that doesn't know, Sandy was a mental health professional. Um, and I mean, >> he was.

[01:40:08]>> He was. Yeah. And that's the thing is whatever was hurting Valerie, she could have just went to him.

[01:40:14]>> Oh, yeah. But see, here's the thing. He already knew.

[01:40:17]>> He already knew. Yeah. But because I chose >> Yeah.

[01:40:22]>> this route.

[01:40:23]>> Yeah.

[01:40:24]>> But that's one thing I can say about my dad. Um, you know, he has always been supportive to the extent he needed to be.

[01:40:32]>> He wasn't an enabler.

[01:40:33]>> Exactly.

[01:40:34]>> So, did you was anybody in your family an enabler type or did they all just kind of follow Sy's lead?

[01:40:40]>> Uh, no. I mean, each person had their own relationship with me, but I never Yeah. I borrowed money and never paid it back. But I didn't make a regular habit of using them, >> right?

[01:40:50]>> It was more just the hurt of >> knowing >> knowing not showing up, not being there, you know, not doing right by my kid, like that sort of thing.

[01:40:59]>> Um because I didn't >> cuz your dad is not an enabler.

[01:41:06]>> I No. No. And my mother certainly is not.

[01:41:09]>> Yeah. I mean, if you don't know Sandy, he is I mean, like steady as an arrow. I mean, he is just he's not gonna waver from that. He's not gonna he's not gonna tatai you, you know, like I'm I'm sure there's probably been a lot of tough love situations with him.

[01:41:24]>> Well, yeah, but I'm also not a tatar.

[01:41:27]>> Yeah.

[01:41:27]>> So, I'm very much like my dad, so I already knew.

[01:41:31]>> Yeah.

[01:41:31]>> There's no point.

[01:41:32]>> I ain't going to try to go butter him up.

[01:41:34]>> Um, you know, but thankfully I didn't I just emotionally hurt him. You know what I'm saying? I didn't take it. And of course, they might feel different. I don't know how I made them feel. I can only speak from my perspective.

[01:41:50]>> Um, but I didn't use them like most addict situations.

[01:41:57]>> So, um, I didn't have that to, you know, that it was just more of a a trust and emotional and, you know, rebuilding that sort of thing. I didn't have outrageous actions that I had to be. Yeah. Yeah, >> because I really try to keep my my actions away from them.

[01:42:15]>> What is it? Oh, I thought you were going to say something. Yeah, it's um it's, you know, and I've heard horror stories, you know, I mean, there's been there's been a lot of overdoses here in Vernon Parish. Um, I've heard horror stories of friends of mine, you know, that are literally they know like their kid is in the house with them and they know that their kid is using drugs and they just have to let them do it because they don't know what else to do, you know, like what else am I supposed to do? This is what they do, you know, and and it's it is devastating. It is devastating. um to the point where I mean it I know that it used to just be like a you know alcoholism is talked about a lot uh but imagine you know most of us if you're not an alcoholic or not you know a stick in the mud or whatever I mean most of us would be like uh you know man I had a really bad day I'm going to go I'm going to get a margarita you know and I can do that twice three times a month I have no issue no you know none of that But there are people that do it every day to numb whatever whatever they're take taking the edge off whatever that that is. And then you multiply that by like a million because methamphetamine is the worst. Um and it's just like you So it basically for you you had already took all the other drugs.

[01:43:39]>> Yeah.

[01:43:40]>> So why not this one?

[01:43:42]>> What was the most easily accessible?

[01:43:44]>> So was it the most accessible or the least expensive?

[01:43:55]She's like, "Wait a minute."

[01:43:57]>> I'm I'm always curious about that.

[01:43:59]>> This is the I can't really talk about the money side of it because there's levels to this. You know what I'm saying? So, >> easily accessible.

[01:44:10]>> Easily accessible. Okay. Fair enough. I mean and and that's I guess that's the scary part too is that you know it is so easily accessible >> you know because like um I remember you know um my person uh fresh out of rehab and and and don't get it twisted there was you know people have relapses people you know there there's things are going to happen and that's okay as long as they're actively trying to get better you know that's that's what matters but I remember being in the vehicle with them and their phone rang and they had them on speaker phone and this person that had called them just flat out asked for drugs and they had to be like, "Hey, I don't do that anymore." Blah, blah, blah. And it was such a weird experience for me because obviously I wanted to crash out, >> right?

[01:44:59]>> But I can't do that because those people have no idea what this person is on this journey doing, you know, and that's just that's their life. That's what they know. That's what they do. I literally changed my phone number.

[01:45:11]>> Oh, really?

[01:45:12]>> Oh, yeah.

[01:45:13]>> Well, this one. Okay.

[01:45:14]>> But hold on.

[01:45:16]>> I won't even let my phone number be printed in the church directory because you never know where those things will end up.

[01:45:22]>> That's correct. So, >> and that's even to this day.

[01:45:26]>> This This is what else I learned. Okay.

[01:45:29]For and I always found this I I get a chuckle out of it. for people that think constantly that somebody's watching them or hacking their phone or, you know, they use Facebook Messenger for everything, >> right?

[01:45:42]>> And that was where the phone call came from. The number had been changed, but the phone call came from Messenger. And I'm just like, >> bro, they can see everything you're saying.

[01:45:53]>> What are you talking about?

[01:45:54]>> Like, I never use Facebook Messenger at all. Like, I mean, I do to talk to people normally, but when I Uh-uh.

[01:46:00]>> Yeah. like you could you knew you knew what you know like it's I mean >> and it was so weird to me cuz it's like okay so you think the government's watching you you think there's drones you know and I'm going through all of this and I think >> the person we have been talking about um once told me that you know those little fake owls they have on top of bird hospital >> just to keep the birds away. So this person, we were in the hospital for some reason, uh, unrelated.

[01:46:30]He wasn't the one in the hospital, but he was there with us. He told me that the birds, the fake owls on top of the bird hospital were cameras and the government was watching us. That was something he told us.

[01:46:45]>> The most outrageous what I ever heard was the the house flies >> Uhhuh.

[01:46:51]>> were actual cameras.

[01:46:53]That's how the government spies on people.

[01:46:56]>> Wait, so what? Wait, so what did he think about the actual cameras? Like the security actual cameras?

[01:47:02]>> Like why would you need an owl, a hidden owl and you have actual security cameras?

[01:47:06]>> I think his mindset was the like he thought the cameras were just for security and the owl was put there by like the US government.

[01:47:14]>> Oh my god.

[01:47:16]>> It's really hard to try to understand them. And then I will say that >> he would talk about the Blackhawks that would fly around cuz you we live by Fort Poke. It's there's going to be helicopters flying around. It's a military base. And he thought at night the little lights on the on the bottom of the helicopters. He was like, "They're drones. They're drones, man.

[01:47:34]Government's watching us."

[01:47:35]>> See, look. I can't even say anything about the drone situation because when we got busted at the apartments down there, they really had the drones out.

[01:47:44]>> They actually had drones this time.

[01:47:46]That's like, are those real?

[01:47:52]Are they real? Look, they were real.

[01:47:55]>> Okay, so when Okay, let me I want to ask a question about that day and I don't want to keep you here all night, but um that day when that happened, did you had they been surveilling you for a long time or did they just like happen stance like what what happened? Well, this is what happens when you get multiple drunk people together.

[01:48:18]>> Um, they >> Valerie's allowed to laugh at herself.

[01:48:23]>> They supposedly had been watching me since 2018.

[01:48:30]2018.

[01:48:31]>> Mhm.

[01:48:33]>> Dang.

[01:48:35]>> Wow. Were they just like com like uh now I'm not speaking for the sheriff's department.

[01:48:44]>> Don't feel feel free to not talk about anything.

[01:48:47]>> Yeah. No, I just feel like because the way I ran my business >> was business and they could not catch it at the right time.

[01:48:56]>> Okay. So when it happened, like when it actually happened, what do you remember what you were thinking?

[01:49:04]Like did they raid your house?

[01:49:06]>> Well, it wasn't my house. We had two apartments. We had the studio and then we had the apartment that I lived in with the kids across.

[01:49:14]>> We separated. The kids were never in the same house with the stuff.

[01:49:19]>> Okay.

[01:49:20]>> Um I had actually just walked in the studio. I had made breakfast and I had walked over there to take it over there and put it in the kitchen and we were about to do a hot rail and somebody knocked on the door.

[01:49:34]And my ex at the time, like my ex, he walks over and he just opens the door like didn't look, didn't like, and this was >> God.

[01:49:44]>> I I already know. But they came under the pretense of looking for the other individual in the house.

[01:49:52]But yeah, I know. I I can tell you moment by moment that day.

[01:49:57]>> And so like did you panic or >> No. No.

[01:50:00]>> No. Because if you panic, what good is that going to do?

[01:50:02]>> Yeah.

[01:50:03]Like >> meth chilled you out.

[01:50:05]>> Were you relieved at all?

[01:50:08]>> Maybe not in that exact moment.

[01:50:09]>> In that exact moment?

[01:50:10]>> No. I mean, I was high.

[01:50:11]>> Yeah. Did you know that your dad was not going to come get you?

[01:50:14]>> Oh, I that I've been knowing that. That wasn't brand new information.

[01:50:18]>> S you would have stay Sy's a no limit soldier.

[01:50:21]>> My dad literally from as far back as I can remember, if you go to jail, you're staying there. Like >> I'm not coming to get you.

[01:50:28]>> Um >> period. The only the one and only time that my parents bailed me out was right before I had custody court for my kids and because I had been arrested at Walmart for shoplifting and I didn't actually shoplift.

[01:50:42]Like the lady snatched my glasses off my head and in the evidence photo it's my glasses and this tag.

[01:50:49]Me and Marissa scan the tag and it was for men's sunglasses not even matching that. So it all got thrown out. So my dad and mom got me out that time because I had court co, you know, custody coming up. But that was the only reason because they knew I didn't steal because I didn't have that was something I didn't do. I didn't steal, >> especially from Walmart.

[01:51:09]>> Yeah.

[01:51:10]>> Especially some sunglasses.

[01:51:11]>> You know what I mean? Some $5 sunglass.

[01:51:14]And I didn't get my sunglasses back either.

[01:51:17]>> I'm telling you.

[01:51:19]>> But I did get banned from Walmart. I'm like, how do you throw out these charges forever? No, it was only for like a year or something. I was like, "What do you do now? Where do you go, girl?" I didn't I went in there whenever I was banned.

[01:51:30]Oh, well, their bands don't work.

[01:51:32]>> I really don't like I think they ban you and then they just >> like It's just to scare you.

[01:51:36]>> Well, I think it's probably to have it on record so that if you get >> if you do get caught, you know, they're like, "Hey, you're not supposed to be here. You're banned from the store."

[01:51:42]>> I'm just like, I didn't do anything.

[01:51:44]Those charges were dismissed.

[01:51:46]>> Well, at least they were dismissed.

[01:51:47]>> I think they're doing facial recognition though.

[01:51:49]>> Oh, yeah. They are most definitely.

[01:51:51]>> Yeah. recently like they've started doing that a lot of times.

[01:51:54]>> My favorite thing to say though is I don't live like that no more.

[01:51:58]>> Yeah, I don't live like that no more.

[01:52:00]>> I think like back to what you were asking me about earlier, the top thing with like teenagers nowadays is like I think it's alcohol. Like a lot of it's alcohol because you know the people >> Nothing new there. Nothing new, >> right? Nothing new. And a lot of times peer pressure has never worked on me. If you try to peer pressure me, no is my favorite word.

[01:52:18]>> Nobody ever offered me drugs. I don't like nobody.

[01:52:22]>> Listen, I mean this in the most loving way. You would probably be one of those ones that would get burnt immediately.

[01:52:31]>> No, I don't think you would get burnt. I never got offered drugs ever. Like I >> You were already always hush anyway.

[01:52:39]>> I can't believe it. It seems like you'd be so chill if you did some drugs.

[01:52:42]>> No, I think y'all probably knew I was not condoning drug either.

[01:52:45]>> You were a snitch. I would have been a I would have been like sarcasm. It would be like giving meth to a squirrel.

[01:52:51]>> Yeah, >> it would I I don't think I would have snitched, but I definitely would have been like >> I got to get out of here.

[01:52:59]>> No, you would have definitely secretly told an adult and then when everything went down, you would have acted like you didn't know what happened. I remember when we moved to Lake Charles um for like a year one time and I didn't even know where I was at, but I had made a friend or whatever and we're in the vehicle. I I I don't even remember I I it's so vague my memory is on this.

[01:53:22]Somehow we were in the vehicle with maybe one of her cousins, brothers, I don't know, and a friend. Anyway, somebody lit up a joint. Okay. And I remember calling like, "What is that smell?" I thought it was a cigar. Like I >> I mean it was a cigar wrap.

[01:53:39]>> It was It was And I was just like, and I was young, too. I was like 14, you know, and I'd never been around that before.

[01:53:47]And I was like, "What does that smell?"

[01:53:48]And then they got talking and I realized I'm in the vehicle with marijuana.

[01:53:54]And I panicked and I was like, "Oh my god, I have to get out of this vehicle."

[01:53:59]And I was like, I need y'all to drop me off at this McDonald's. And I made them leave me at this McDonald's. And I called my dad and I had to put somebody on the phone.

[01:54:08]>> I ate seven seven Big Macs.

[01:54:12]>> And for some reason, I felt okay. I don't know.

[01:54:15]>> I'm telling you that contact will get you.

[01:54:17]>> I called my dad and I was here. He was like, "Where you at?" And I was like, "I'm at the McDonald's." And I explained to him what was going on. And um he I was like I was like, "I don't know what McDonald's I'm at cuz there's more than one Lake Charles." And I had to put the lady on the phone and I was like, "Could you please tell my dad where we're at?"

[01:54:32]Came and picked me up from McDonald's.

[01:54:34]Uh, but I just like that's probably I would I wouldn't have like I wouldn't have judged y'all, but I would have been like, "I got to go find an adult." I If anybody I would have been like, "Oh my god, you're doing what?"

[01:54:47]>> She's like, "No, I need new friends."

[01:54:49]>> Yeah.

[01:54:50]>> Where's my dad?

[01:54:51]>> Yeah. I would Yeah. I would have probably panicked uh back then. back then I would have truly would have and and honestly when you you telling me this never had an indication but I mean you're saying a hot what did you say a hot roll >> is that what you just said >> hot rail >> hot roll >> get the cinnamon butter get the cinnamon butter with that hot roll >> I don't even know what that is I don't even know what she's referring to I >> I'll tell you later mom don't look it up and the gas station. Th those little paraphernalia items actually taught me more than I ever knew, you know, until uh much later in life.

[01:55:33]>> Is off air.

[01:55:34]>> Yeah. Okay, that that's fine. Yeah, we don't want to we don't want to condone any of that.

[01:55:37]>> Do not look it up. No, >> don't Google this stuff, y'all.

[01:55:40]>> Yeah, don't remember. Wait, never mind.

[01:55:43]I'll tell you later. I can't say that on air.

[01:55:45]>> Especially Especially don't Google it in front of the the bird hospital owls.

[01:55:48]They definitely got >> And make sure there's no Blackhawks doing the night ops.

[01:55:53]>> Okay. I will tell you though, the flock cameras, their flock cameras at Lowe's.

[01:55:57]I I don't know if they've installed more those are crazy because number one, they they are spying on you, but they're also easy to hack.

[01:56:06]>> Yeah.

[01:56:07]>> Like they're notoriously easy to hack.

[01:56:09]Uh I think they've since patched it, but it was bad there for a little bit.

[01:56:13]Anyway, don't definitely don't shoot those out.

[01:56:17]>> Yeah. Don't don't do that.

[01:56:18]>> Don't get your BB gun.

[01:56:20]>> And if you see a house fly, just get a flatter, right? Yeah.

[01:56:23]>> One of my like favorite things is like I don't remember how it got brought up. We were at a track meet. I told mom about this and I was like we were talking about alcohol. I wasn't the one that brought it up and we're talking about it and maybe I didn't tell mom about this.

[01:56:39]It was a different thing. I'm not talking about my friend and that. So, um we got it got brought up and we're talking about it and they're like, "Pa, you've never had alcohol?" And I was like, "No, I have a life." And they go on and on about it and they're like, "Why haven't you had alcohol? Blah blah blah. You're so boring." It's like, "Hey, peer pressure has never worked on me. I think y'all just look stupid trying to peer pressure people." I think it's funny when people try to peer pressure me because no is one of my favorite words.

[01:57:07]>> Well, also also, don't you feel like your generation too is much more cognizant of this sort of thing? And it's like, come on. that and I feel like a lot of us and I'm not not we not me um a lot of my generation just it's like so normal to them to just go out party drink get high and I don't like that.

[01:57:26]>> Well unfortunately it's because people like me who raise their kids in that that's what they know.

[01:57:33]>> Yeah.

[01:57:33]>> Yeah. You know >> and I don't judge people like my age who do drink because I mean that's you're doing you do what you want. I'm I'm more scared of my mom than I am of getting a DUI. So, >> and that's the thing like with with any kid of an addict like they have two two two routes. Either you can >> be a victim and woe is me and everything like this or you can >> do the complete opposite. And I both of my children are extremely smart, extremely successful. Like, >> so I told him, I'm like, I gave y'all the playbook of what to do and what not to do. like what you do with it is on you, but you know, a lot of these kids don't have parents that actually give a [ __ ] >> Yeah. And that that is a common that's a common thing, too. So, if if you had like one piece of advice to give to somebody who just found out that one of their loved ones or children were doing drugs, what would you tell them?

[01:58:32]>> Just be supportive.

[01:58:34]Be there. Love them.

[01:58:37]>> No, but not enable them.

[01:58:38]>> No. No, loving them and enabling them are opposite ends of the spectrum.

[01:58:42]>> I'll never forget um when it comes to my person, you know, that was affected. Um I remember Gayen, I was sitting there and he he told me he said, "You are going to love them to death."

[01:58:56]And it hit me straight in the gut like and he like he meant it exactly like you said it. But it would always be, you know, hey, can I get $20? Hey, can I get $20? you know, I'm hungry, etc., etc. Um, and >> you need the 15 ply paper towels.

[01:59:13]>> No, I'm good. And I would just like, yeah, yeah, you can have the $10, $20, whatever it was. And I just turned a blind eye to it. And um it was I I go get them, you know, like in any help him any way I could. And there was there was a time where I I had to I had to That's it. Well, here's the thing.

[01:59:38]Whenever it's like that and they're saying, "I need food. I need this."

[01:59:41]Well, if I called my dad and asked for money and said it was for a specific reason, he's like, "Well, I can meet you at the gas station and put gas in your car, but I ain't giving you no money."

[01:59:50]>> Right. You're not getting gas money.

[01:59:51]>> If you're hungry, you can come over here to the house and he Yeah. I'm not giving you any money.

[01:59:55]>> Yeah. And that's that's a as um someone, you know, if you have a loved one and you you think that's what's going on or whatever, the worst thing you can do is give them money, >> right? um you know they they they don't need money. They need they do need help.

[02:00:10]Don't you know don't turn your back on them completely. You got to love them from a distance though.

[02:00:14]>> That's the deal. And and understand that nothing you're going to do is going to make them get sober.

[02:00:22]>> So >> short of maybe helping them get into a program or even at the end of the day they got to want to. You have to want it. Yeah. You still have to. that person and another person, mom knows who I'm talking about, are both the reasons. I don't think I will ever like I might dabble when I get older, but I don't think I would ever be heavily into any paraphernalia or anything like that because of those two people.

[02:00:44]>> Yeah. Please don't dabble at all.

[02:00:46]>> Don't dabble at all.

[02:00:47]>> Dabble when I'm like 30.

[02:00:48]>> No.

[02:00:49]>> I mean, are you referring to maybe alcohol? Not paraphernalia.

[02:00:53]>> Not like Not narcotics. No.

[02:00:56]>> Alcohol when I'm like 30. Well, I mean, I think anything that you do could become addictive. Uh, we we discussed that at the very beginning of this episode. Food >> is one of the biggest things that can be addictive. And I think that um >> I struggle with that. Like I'm 16.

[02:01:13]>> Yeah, it's um I think everything you have to do in moderation. You know, you just you can't do thing except for methamphetamine. You can't do that at all. Um but I mean everything is is in moderation. Uh otherwise, I mean, it opens the doorway, you know, um to to other things. That's just it is what it is.

[02:01:31]>> Well, and back in the back in the gap, there was they didn't track narcotics.

[02:01:36]They didn't you could doctor shop. You could go to this one today and that one tomorrow and it they're >> they're tracking pseudafed now, babe.

[02:01:43]>> Bro, they are tracking everything.

[02:01:44]>> They're locking up pseudafed. Like, I just want to fix my stuff nose.

[02:01:48]>> I just want to breathe through my nostrils. And and honest to God, like I remember the first time I got IDed for that, I was like, "What am I getting IDed for for sinus medicine, you know?"

[02:01:58]And then months later, I find out that it's something going on with whatever whatever's being done with it. And I'm just like, "Oh my god, like what is happening?" Like I can't even buyed anymore.

[02:02:10]>> I know. I tried I bought Dollar General at a pseudafed the other day and they were like looking at me like I'm doing something like no.

[02:02:16]>> Okay. Well, apparently you're buying everything out of it. The pseudafed and the alcohol. Okay, now we know why they were looking at you.

[02:02:23]>> But these pudaf fed on the shelf isn't good anyway. It's the stuff behind the y'all should have seen too when I went to Lowe's cuz I went to Lowe's to see >> No. No.

[02:02:32]>> Were you buying Lowe's out too?

[02:02:33]>> He's getting that gun bluing. No, I was cleaning out my I was cleaning out these two rooms where I put the resin printer and then also like the biohazardous like 30 years of just gunk and stuff in this shop.

[02:02:46]>> And I was buying like, you know, like uh full, you know, gauntlet gloves and like Rubbermaid scrubber. And it looked like I was going to dispose of a body and >> allegedly.

[02:02:58]>> Yeah. Allegedly, he's cleaning out a room, guys.

[02:02:59]>> I got some weird looks. I'm going to say texting everywhere. This guy's got a cart full of isopropyl alcohol.

[02:03:07]>> Rubbermaid. And now he's getting Rubbermaid's kitchen gloves.

[02:03:10]>> I felt like Walter White. I was like, "Oh my god, I have a hazmat suit in my car."

[02:03:16]>> What are you doing, sir? You should have just thrown a roll of duct tape in just for, you know, good measure.

[02:03:22]>> Yeah, just for funsies.

[02:03:23]>> Oh, you guys, you guys want something?

[02:03:25]>> And some bleach.

[02:03:26]>> Yeah, some bleach. Yeah, >> I think there was all of that in there.

[02:03:29]>> Yeah, that's it. Didn't look good. Now we know like why are you shocked you were getting dirty looks?

[02:03:36]>> I would not have been shocked.

[02:03:37]>> I wasn't shocked. I was just >> It's like uh I swear I'm above board.

[02:03:42]>> I'm making products. I'm 3D printing.

[02:03:44]Okay.

[02:03:44]>> I will send you a 3D printed product.

[02:03:46]>> Those products. No, no, not product. I'm not making product. I'm making products.

[02:03:52]>> Hey, somebody said typing.

[02:03:56]>> Somebody send uh LPD over here.

[02:03:58]>> I'm making I'm making lampshades like that. Burwel outside.

[02:04:04]>> That's my proof if I have to point to it. I did make that. You remember the prototype of this?

[02:04:09]>> Yes.

[02:04:10]>> That's the the more more final. It's not final, but it's I love it.

[02:04:14]>> Closer. Yeah.

[02:04:14]>> He 3D prints everything. He got He didn't want to go to the store one day, so he 3D printed a trash can.

[02:04:19]>> Bro, how long did that take?

[02:04:21]>> Chopsticks. Uh >> chopsticks. Yeah, he 3D printed chopsticks one time cuz he didn't want to go get a fork.

[02:04:27]>> The trash cans. I think these these white trash cans over here. I think they're uh like a two two something hour print.

[02:04:34]>> Oh, a bad.

[02:04:36]>> How long did the chopsticks take?

[02:04:37]>> Chopsticks were like 15 minutes. Yeah.

[02:04:40]>> You could have walked over and got a fork, though.

[02:04:43]>> He's like, >> "Yeah, but like I can wait 15 more minutes."

[02:04:46]>> He wants to be whimsical. What if he wanted a hot pink pair of chopsticks?

[02:04:50]>> Look, that's where all my creative I would be way I'm way too lazy to to become a meth distributor slashp producer. Uh, it's more than >> too much work.

[02:05:02]>> Yeah, for sure. Yeah. Can you imagine?

[02:05:04]No, I >> I'm honestly I'm with Greg on that. I don't got enough energy to be doing all that.

[02:05:08]>> All of Could you be like, oh, no, that's the myth covers that >> like 99% of the product ideas I have and stuff and like products that I want to make or bring to market or like just come from laziness. I mean, >> he's like, I'm just I'm just lazy.

[02:05:21]>> The thing about >> the smart curtain blind teacher is a lot like Greg. He would like he's lazy but the things he does because he's lazy are 10 times harder. Yeah. Than just actually getting up and doing it.

[02:05:33]>> It's a software engineer thing too. It's like why why would I do this manual task when I can spend 10 times the amount of time automating it and then >> the current smarter not harder.

[02:05:42]>> Yes, that is exactly what it is. Yeah.

[02:05:45]Oh, now every time like used to people would ask me questions and I would have to like figure it out, you know, like tech questions. I'm like, "Oh, here's Greg's number." Like, don't ask me.

[02:05:57]I'm I'm too old for this now. I'm referring you to the younger generation.

[02:06:01]I want out of this.

[02:06:02]>> Do not ever, Mom, don't ever refer somebody to me because I >> I might.

[02:06:07]>> Yeah. Once my PlayStation there was something on it. I think it was I was watching Netflix and I think I accidentally pressed R3 and like a bunch of information came up on like the left corner of my screen. I didn't know how to get it away. I didn't know I had pressed R3. I accidentally pressed it.

[02:06:21]>> Call Greg. I was like so confused. And then mom, please >> just ask AI about that one.

[02:06:26]>> And then mom would come in there because I'm freaking out on your controller.

[02:06:30]>> I'm freaking out. I didn't know what I did to my controller. I didn't know what I did to my TV. I'm freaking out. I think I broke my PS5. It's brand new.

[02:06:36]Mom comes in there. Just turn off and turn it back on. That's literally the first step of every reset.

[02:06:42]>> Yeah. Did it work?

[02:06:42]>> Just turn it off and turn it back on.

[02:06:44]>> Well, I'm sure it did work for that.

[02:06:45]>> It did. Yeah.

[02:06:47]>> And then once I think it was the first time I >> Good job, Mom. Once the first time I ever played a Red Dead Redemption, um it's that like whenever you're trying to go find John Marson and he's in like the snowy mountains.

[02:06:59]>> Played it yet. It's next. Dude, I got into Avatar Frontiers of Pandora.

[02:07:03]>> Oh, you're watch you're playing Avatar but not Red Dead.

[02:07:05]>> Well, I know >> we're out of this conversation >> anyway.

[02:07:08]>> But it was like >> we'll talk video games.

[02:07:11]>> It was like okay if anybody have played has played it. It's like the whenever >> video games is also an addiction. It absolutely can be. Um, but is the first whenever you're in chapter one, Coulter and you're trying to go look for John Marson and he's lost the mountain.

[02:07:26]>> Spoilers.

[02:07:27]>> Yeah. Spoiler ahead.

[02:07:28]>> No, I'm saying don't spoil it for me.

[02:07:30]>> I'm not. So, you have to you have to crouch. And to press and like to crouch in that game, you have to press R3. And I was um like eight. I didn't know what R3 was. So, I'm talking to my brother like I'm like, "Austin, can you teach me what R3 is?" And he's like, he's like, "No, it's too many buttons you got to press. Too difficult. It's whatever.

[02:07:52]Just like just stop playing the game."

[02:07:54]So, you know, I kind of get mad, but I give him his PlayStation controller back. He plays UFC. Next day, I'm mad and I want to get past this part where I have to crouch and I start pad pressing.

[02:08:04]And if you don't know what pad pressing is, it's just you just start pressing every button ever. And I accidentally pressed R3, which basically just push down the right joystick. And I was I think I screamed at my brother for like 10 minutes. because he lied to me and told me it was like 800 controls and it was just one.

[02:08:23]>> It's fascinating, Paisley.

[02:08:25]>> Yeah, I know.

[02:08:26]>> Growing up with siblings is not for the weak. Especially if you're the youngest.

[02:08:32]>> A lot of trials. A lot of trials and tribulations. Huh.

[02:08:35]>> I grew up with like all my cousins, too, and they were all boys.

[02:08:38]>> Yeah. She's the only She's Cuz Carrie's so much older than her. She was the only girl. And uh >> I'll give you that.

[02:08:44]>> Yeah. It's uh >> It's the worst.

[02:08:46]>> Yeah. Cuz it was all girls really for y'all because it was just one boy and then all girls.

[02:08:52]>> Well, it's a girl boy all girl.

[02:08:54]>> Yeah. I felt bad for Sandy. I always felt bad for >> Why? Because his sister like his >> people my granny had him and four girls.

[02:09:04]>> Really?

[02:09:05]>> Mhm. Si is a great girl mom because I'm not related.

[02:09:08]>> Girl mom or girl dad?

[02:09:09]>> Girl dad.

[02:09:11]>> Girl dad. I'm not did not mean to call you a mom, Sandy. He's a He's a great girl dad. And I'm not even like blood related to Sandy whatsoever. And every year for the past two years on my birthday, he sends me a $40 Amazon gift card.

[02:09:25]>> He does. Happy birthday, Paisley. He's He's so good to her. He's so good to her.

[02:09:29]>> That's like my adopted grandpa. I love him.

[02:09:31]>> She loves you. And we drive by at the house and she yells out, even if nobody's there, "I love you, Sandy."

[02:09:37]>> And now that I have a truck, I would honk. My horn doesn't work.

[02:09:42]>> It works sometimes. We haven't got that figured out. It works sometimes.

[02:09:47]>> Guess what? I'm going to get Paisley for her birthday.

[02:09:49]>> A clock spring.

[02:09:50]>> No, a train horn truck.

[02:09:53]>> I'm using it.

[02:09:54]>> You better learn how to hook up the air supply to that.

[02:09:57]>> Oh, yeah. It takes air supply.

[02:10:00]>> No. Are you serious? You think I can't hook up an air supply?

[02:10:03]>> Oh. Oh, I thought I thought you meant are you serious? It needs one. I was like, no, it really does need one.

[02:10:08]>> The mom Greg knows these things.

[02:10:10]>> Greg knows stuff. Okay. So, back to what we were talking about. We got we got it's okay. We got off track.

[02:10:16]>> Um, is there is there anything else like you want to add if you want to plug your your uh >> www.sbriid that.com?

[02:10:26]>> Did that on screen here and >> and all the socials. It's all one word like sobriety that all together. Um, that's the name for all the socials.

[02:10:35]Facebook, Tik Tok.

[02:10:37]>> I'll make a I'll make a QR code and put it up as well.

[02:10:39]>> Yeah. Um, the only other thing I I think I would want to say is never get too comfortable in your sobriety.

[02:10:46]Um, I people are like, "Why do you still count days?" And I'm like, "Cuz today is 1,518 days I've been sober." Why do you still count days? Well, this amount of days is nothing compared to 23 years in addiction.

[02:11:00]>> Yeah.

[02:11:01]>> So, I am very well aware it could change in a second, >> right? So, I'm not I'm I'm going to stay uncomfortable because when I get comfortable, that's when stuff happens.

[02:11:11]Yeah. Yeah. I think if you go and you just like take advantage of the fact that it's just like, you know, you could you could slip up because in your opinion um and you can tell me if I'm wrong. Um or in my opinion, I'm sorry, and you can tell me if I'm wrong. Even if you're if it's not drugs, let's just say, "Oh, well, I'll just have a margarita." That could throw you >> Oh, yeah.

[02:11:31]>> backwards. This is the thing like drug narcotics was always my thing.

[02:11:37]>> I drank socially when I was younger, >> but that was never my thing.

[02:11:42]>> But I'm not going to just go out and be all drinking, >> right? Cuz that could very well open the door.

[02:11:46]>> Absolutely.

[02:11:47]>> Yeah. So, you know, it's no two people's recovery is the same.

[02:11:52]And there's not a a guide book, uh, you know, I can tell you what's going on in my sobriety. And you know, that's why I put it all out there because no two recoveries are parallel. Like no two people are going to have the same thing.

[02:12:06]Might have similar, but it's just because our no two brains are the same.

[02:12:11]>> Correct.

[02:12:11]>> Um I might could go drink and not have an issue with it. Am I going to test that theory? No.

[02:12:17]>> No. Yeah. It's not probably not worth it.

[02:12:19]>> Well, and too, we were talking about this off camera before we started. um when your person who loved one you um you are probably going to gain weight after >> oh absolutely >> addiction >> and you do not need to take that hard you don't need to judge yourself for that um it's just >> you can lose weight later get off the >> yeah yeah the main thing is being healthy and drug free >> um and and that's the thing is we were talking about a video I was watching and this girl was she'd be like two years sober from fentanyl that's what we were talking about and somebody like there was it was tons of comments about how she needed to back away from the table and all this other stuff and I was just like my god you know to me she looks great she doesn't doesn't look like she's on fentanyl which she definitely looked like she was on in the first picture >> you know and it's like and all y'all are worried about is her weight you know so um if I had >> she's probably not even like it does that is that a thing that falls to the wayside where you're where we were talking about the reputation thing and you're like I wasn't even thinking about that because it's like this is something I have to do. That's almost that's secondary on like the chart of of >> priorities.

[02:13:27]>> I mean, I can say that I was uncomfortable because >> for so long I was skin and bones, >> right? Yeah.

[02:13:34]>> But I wasn't like focused on that. Yeah.

[02:13:37]>> Right. Yeah.

[02:13:39]>> Um but again, that's and I just for reference when I went to jail, I was 115 lbs. 11 months later, I was 237 lb. So, >> it happens. And jail food, number one, is not good for you.

[02:13:53]>> Yeah. No, it's just to keep you It's just to keep you alive.

[02:13:56]>> It's not good for you. They're not They're not there to be a hotel luxury hotel. Um and then two, you know, you're not you're not having the same lifestyle. So, if you know, that's why I always say, don't be don't be ugly to people. You don't know what their walk is. be patient with yourself because you know I I was that heavy and then the longer I was sober and the more healthier my body got it in that reset process I started losing weight >> without even actually trying because your body is so used to starving itself and grabbing a hold of anything because it knows it ain't fixing to get nothing else because of these drugs. So when you start getting sober in your eating, it's going to store every bit of everything because it's going into crisis mode.

[02:14:39]>> Yeah.

[02:14:39]>> And it's again, it's a it's a brain chemistry. It's a dopamine regulation thing. It's like when your brain is starved do dopamine, you want food to increase the dopamine. And then as your brain starts building back those receptors and you you can it says, "Hey, we got to produce our own dopamine again." Then and also after you kick drugs like that, it do like having the discipline to go on a weight loss journey must be like much much less daunting as nothing compared to >> I really don't.

[02:15:08]>> Um I really got to a place where I'm comfortable in my skin now, >> right?

[02:15:13]>> Like I said, I I'm heavier now than I was last year. I don't care, >> you know? I I have to be happy with myself and I'm happy with myself. If you don't like how I look, that's a you problem, not a me problem. Yeah. And you look great and you look so much better than you did my shot.

[02:15:29]>> Respectfully.

[02:15:30]>> No, I mean disrespectfully too.

[02:15:32]>> And the thing is is I don't like whenever people will sit there and then like, "Oh, you need to back away from the table." I don't I need y'all to like fathom what that person has went through.

[02:15:41]>> Yeah.

[02:15:42]>> Like and you're worried about how big they are.

[02:15:44]>> But that because people are so easicial they're so ready to talk about this person because they don't want to look at themselves in the mirror. That's a lack of arc of empathy.

[02:15:54]>> Why are you projecting? Why are you projecting? Because she's sober.

[02:15:57]>> Yeah.

[02:15:57]>> And also back to this bug shot.

[02:16:01]>> Of course, I have gone through and read every single comment. Right. So, for my two years sober, I went and I screenshot some of the negative ones. Like, one dude call me a crusty raisin.

[02:16:14]>> I'm so sorry.

[02:16:15]>> No. Because on my two-year sober, I put my mug shot and I put a den photo like >> Mhm.

[02:16:23]>> And then I put those pictures of the comments in there and I'm like, "Y'all are too easy to judge." I was like, "Do I still look like a ghost?" And I put their name on there. Like I didn't just screenshot what they said. I put their whole name on there, >> right?

[02:16:37]>> You know, and that's the thing is you don't ever know when it's going to be you or somebody you love. You really don't. And I will say that most of the community was like coming to my defense and being like, "Praying for you. Love you." You know, whatever. Whatever.

[02:16:48]>> There's always going to be Absolutely.

[02:16:50]There's always, >> right? There's always going to be one hater.

[02:16:52]>> Yeah. There's it.

[02:16:54]>> It just is what it is because they there's something that lacks in them.

[02:16:57]And that it just is. I mean, there's people that seek that out. Like, I'm going to go find these people. I'm going to make these comments. And there at the end of the day, they're just they're lacking something within themselves and a lot of something to be able to comment that kind of stuff on there. And you know I if you would asked me 5 10 years ago if I would have thought that I was going to go through that with somebody that I loved I would have never believed that I would >> Is that a is that a positive shame sort of situation though? Remember um that that uh that YouTube video we we uh talked about on a few episodes ago with what's her name? The fitness lady. U >> I was on that episode.

[02:17:36]>> Oh yeah. Jillian Michaels.

[02:17:38]>> Yeah.

[02:17:40]crusty raisin thing is a little bit, you know, >> that's rude. That was okay. That was mean, but at the same time, is it also like did you draw some like some motivation from that?

[02:17:49]>> No.

[02:17:50]>> No. Okay. So, don't do that.

[02:17:52]>> Yeah. No, don't.

[02:17:52]>> No. This is my thing. Like, >> it's not positive.

[02:17:56]>> Um, and it wasn't even about like go shame him for saying this.

[02:18:03]>> It was more of you didn't know the situation I was in at that time.

[02:18:07]>> Right.

[02:18:07]>> Now I'm healthy. Mhm.

[02:18:10]>> Are you still going to have the same comment?

[02:18:12]>> I'm always just a like um >> and of course I didn't even expect them to respond. It was just one of the my random day updates that regardless of what people say about you, >> don't >> Yeah.

[02:18:26]>> Don't focus on that. That's not what your focus needs to be on.

[02:18:30]>> Right.

[02:18:30]>> Yeah. Just Well, and that and just come say it to my face.

[02:18:34]>> Right. I've always disliked. And I will say this, a lot of people have a lot of things to say about me. They don't know me now.

[02:18:41]>> Yeah.

[02:18:41]>> And they sure aren't stepping right here in front of me and saying nothing.

[02:18:44]>> Yeah. And that's that's the thing.

[02:18:46]That's what you have to like embrace is it's and I've always been like that. And then recently, you know, I kind of let some things get to me and then it was just like, "Oh my god, this is the internet. It's not that serious. Go touch grass." You know, like >> Well, and so many of those people, >> that's how I feel about Greg. Like Greg needs to touch something other than grass.

[02:19:02]>> Please do chill. You need to go inside.

[02:19:06]Touch an iPad.

[02:19:07]>> I've been I've been doing that for the past week. I kind of took the past week off for the first time in six months.

[02:19:12]>> He needs some iPad time. You're too chill.

[02:19:14]>> Right. Your screen time is too low.

[02:19:17]>> Not this week. I tell you what, it was a restorative week. But um I forgot what I was going to say. Yeah, we're talking about people saying it to your face versus saying it on Facebook or, you know, seeking you out to be >> Yeah, I was going to say in and the people who are are criticizing or who who can't have empathy, a lot of times it's because they've never been through anything hard in their life and they don't have that mental fortitude. So, you've come out the other side like a much tougher person mentally and physically than they ever will be.

[02:19:45]>> Well, and I I've like I said, I've always been the strong one. like >> no matter what the situation is. But now I have been broken down so much and actually took the time to rebuild without shifting focus to others. So I've been pouring back into myself that I should have been doing all along.

[02:20:10]There's not nothing that's going to hurt my feelings, right?

[02:20:13]>> Because for what?

[02:20:15]>> Yeah. I that energy that I would have with my feelings being hurt, I can put into something else.

[02:20:20]>> Yeah.

[02:20:20]>> I'm sure that that journey has a whole lot of positive ripple effects that just >> Oh, yeah.

[02:20:25]>> One of the things mom taught me about like um cuz I'm not skinny. We all know that. Uh I get made fun of it a lot for school and I would tell mom about it and mama would always say um their opinions don't pay your bills.

[02:20:38]>> Exactly.

[02:20:39]>> She would always She still says that.

[02:20:40]And she also, if I'm in a hater mood, which I attempt to not be in anymore, she always tells me if the thing you're judging a person for, they cannot change in the next 5 minutes, stop talking about it.

[02:20:53]>> Yeah. And that's that's just a rule to live by. You know, if somebody's being if somebody's demeanor and they're a jerk, you know, that's you know, yeah, if you're being a jerk, I'm gonna judge you for that. But if you're talking about somebody's bump on their nose or their crooked eye or, you know, whatever the case may be, they can't do anything about that. You know, there's nothing they can do about it. So, I don't know why anybody would judge. I just don't understand it. It's so rude.

[02:21:19]>> And it's so pointless. Like, you're just Say you have no hobbies. Say you literally don't have a life. Like, at least you say that.

[02:21:26]>> Well, I say it to my face.

[02:21:28]>> That, too.

[02:21:29]>> But they're not going to. That's the thing is it's like and I've I've been in that particular situation. It's like you have all this stuff to say online and we're standing in a room and you're 20 ft from me, >> right? They ain't going to say >> and you pretend I'm not standing here.

[02:21:44]>> Where is that energy?

[02:21:46]>> Where is that same energy? You and then you'll go home, you know, >> keyboard warrior.

[02:21:51]>> What is wrong with I was standing right there. You could have said it to me.

[02:21:55]>> I can I can see how buff your thumbs are from 20 miles away.

[02:22:00]like get off your phone.

[02:22:02]>> I will say some some there are some next level trolls out there.

[02:22:08]>> Uhhuh.

[02:22:09]>> Yeah.

[02:22:09]>> Where it's not even they're not even directly making fun of you or I don't know. I'm just I'm in some like Facebook groups for like tech tech things like home assistant like the Raspberry Pi thing that runs the automation stuff here. There's a Facebook group of course and like some of these trolls have some very sophisticated like >> Yeah. And I've fallen for it a couple times and I'm like, "Oh, you're trolling." Like I just spent all this time responding to this comment and you're >> and it was a sarcastic, >> but it's also they're trolling on like a deep technical level where it's like you would have to >> you have to really be an engineer.

[02:22:45]>> Listen, I've I've just I don't answer anymore. I don't if I see a comment I don't like, I don't I don't type on it because it's just like I don't know if they're rage baiting me or not. And I don't I lack the the in intellect to discern a difference.

[02:23:00]>> Well, this goes back to what my daddy and my mother have always said. You cannot tell how somebody is meaning something through words on a screen.

[02:23:10]>> Yeah. I mean, cuz Gayen will text me and I'm like, and I'm just like, "So, you hate me?" And he's like, "How did you get that?"

[02:23:20]>> The amount of times cuz I >> you can't translate it. Words have no emotion when they're in black and white.

[02:23:25]On paper, they don't.

[02:23:26]>> I get in trouble a lot. And like I will text mom and she'll text back and she'll be really dry and I'm like, "Am I in trouble?"

[02:23:33]>> Like, "No, dude. I'm busy."

[02:23:34]>> I do love I do love seeing the low-level, you know, trolls on Facebook or whatever that the boomers, which there's a lot of that around here. It's like, it's like they can't tell. It's the most obvious troll or rage bait or whatever, and they can't tell. And they it's just like >> I was in the car with Gayen once waiting for we were in line for school and we're sitting there and he's scrolling on YouTube cuz he used to we used to like listen like music videos before that they would come out like before they would come out and tell us to go inside and there's a video that popped up and it was Baron Trump playing the guitar like an acoustic guitar. It's AI, of course. This is whenever AI was like a new thing. Yeah.

[02:24:15]>> And he's watching it and I'm like looking at it and I'm like, Baron Trump A, does not have a YouTube channel. B, I doubt he knows how to play the guitar.

[02:24:24]And see, what? So I tell him, I'm like, this is AI. He's like, no, it's not. And we go on like a 5minute banter on if it's AI or not. And he's, how do you know it's AI? And I'm like, his fingers are merging INTO >> WELL, DUDE, it's so scary though because, >> bro, >> because and you know, Theo Theo Von and them been talking about this on the podcast. It's like uh you know, everyone's like, well, you don't see as much AI stuff anymore. And it's like >> why do you think?

[02:24:55]>> It's like because it's gotten better.

[02:24:57]Now we don't know. And it's like now you have to just be so >> But Gayen's like the easiest person to rate. But then also there are the people who just think everything is AI. It's like all right come on. Like >> that's me. I'm it's I'm like is that AI?

[02:25:11]Is that >> sometimes we'll be sitting there she'll be watching TikTok like is this AI? I'm like no.

[02:25:15]>> Yeah. I I if it's a continuous shot longer than like 120 seconds that's a good giveaway.

[02:25:25]>> Yeah. I always think every like I'm so skeptical of everything.

[02:25:28]>> Have you ever noticed that I don't like post videos of myself like talking? It's if it's an actual video, it's like outside sky, whatever, whatever. It's only pictures because I ain't dealing with all that mess because now when you hit like the record it, the first thing that pops up is AI.

[02:25:43]>> Mhm.

[02:25:44]>> And I'm like, mm, >> no. Yeah. No, no thanks. No thanks.

[02:25:48]>> We're about to be in a real weird >> world. Yeah, it's Yeah, it's going to be It's definitely going to be weird, >> especially once we finally make contact with the aliens that are now confirmed.

[02:25:57]>> I remember they know stuff, >> huh?

[02:25:59]>> Maybe they know stuff. I'm hoping so.

[02:26:02]>> We were at the Memorial Day thing. I don't Is it It's at the Memorial Day thing on ent the veteran cemetery.

[02:26:10]>> So, we're there and I'm sitting next to Philip Hunt and all the little branch of the army have a hymn and or something like that and everybody's singing them.

[02:26:19]I don't know these hymns. And then the Space Force comes on and I'm leaving over to Mr. Phillip and I'm like, "What does the Space Force do?" If you're in the Space Force, no I no hate. like I don't y'all are in the military.

[02:26:31]>> So I asked him I'm like what does the Space Force do? And >> a couple of years ago my dad will not quit getting me to he wants me to join Space Force so badly.

[02:26:43]He wants me to join Space Force. He's like sending me job links to Space Force.

[02:26:49]>> I'm like >> it's like spam job links.

[02:26:53]>> Yeah. He's like, >> he's like, "Space is the next war frontier. You should get in." Well, I'm like, "Dad, I'm not joining Space Force." Okay. I'm almost 30. All right.

[02:27:03]I'm almost 30. I know what I'm going to do. It's not Space Force.

[02:27:08]>> I'm sitting there talking to my Phillip.

[02:27:09]And I'm like, "What does the Space Force do?" And he he goes, "I don't know. It's a new branch they made up a couple years ago.

[02:27:14]>> I want to hear them now. I I need to hear that. You have to YouTube it."

[02:27:19]>> There's Yeah, there's some interesting stuff. There's like kind of a a cold war being fought in space right now, believe it or not. Like China's figuring out ways to maneuver their satellites and in orbits and stuff. That's >> Listen, I don't even want to talk about it.

[02:27:33]>> But I'm sitting there, I ask him what the Space Force does. He's I don't know.

[02:27:36]So I'm sitting there and I like I wait a second and I ask him, I whisper and I was like, "Do they fight aliens?" And he starts laughing.

[02:27:44]>> He goes He goes, "You're funny." And I was like, "Why do you think they're Why do you think we don't have aliens? Space Force is killing them all.

[02:27:52]>> I mean, it might might be true.

[02:27:54]>> They have laser beam guns.

[02:27:56]>> It seems like we might have killed some aliens in the 50s based on >> We did not land on the moon releases.

[02:28:03]>> No, I didn't say we didn't land on the moon. I said we didn't live stream it.

[02:28:06]>> Yeah. No, we didn't land on the moon either.

[02:28:08]>> Uh I don't think we live streamed it in the 60s.

[02:28:11]>> No.

[02:28:12]>> Period. Nobody's ever going to convince me.

[02:28:14]>> From a landlord.

[02:28:15]>> I told my science teacher that >> that far. My Wi-Fi doesn't work at the mailbox. I tell people this all the time. It's 2026. My Wi-Fi doesn't work at the mailbox.

[02:28:22]>> But that landline, >> but we streamed a moon landing in the 60s on black and white TV before microwaves. No, >> we're going to we're going to have a talk after this.

[02:28:35]>> I told my science teacher that.

[02:28:37]>> Wait, wait, wait. Next episode though, we're >> conspiracy.

[02:28:39]>> Moon landing.

[02:28:40]>> Yeah.

[02:28:40]>> Okay.

[02:28:41]>> Okay. I want to be here for that one.

[02:28:42]>> We'll have to talk about conspiracy theories.

[02:28:44]>> I told my science teacher that. She looked at me like I was the dumbest person she ever met. You >> science teacher is Miss Haymon.

[02:28:54]>> So you w Miss Hmon. Yeah.

[02:28:57]>> So you already know the look.

[02:28:59]>> Like I told her I was like I was like the moon landing the recording of the moon landing wasn't real. And she was like you already know.

[02:29:06]>> Like she paused. She was holding she was handing out test papers like graded test papers. She stops where she's standing and she's like like holding the papers in her hand like there's different tests she made so nobody cheats and like she's holding them in her hand like on her forearm. She's she pauses like she stood there looking at me for like 5 minutes and she was like why do you think that? And I was like I was like my Wi-Fi stops working whenever I get 20 ft from my house. I was like there's no shot. We recorded that in the 60s.

[02:29:35]>> That's a skill issue. Mine works for a mile away.

[02:29:41]But would it work on the moon?

[02:29:43]>> Well, no.

[02:29:44]>> Exactly. Exactly. Then I have a valid time something up.

[02:29:48]>> He's going to print it.

[02:29:50]>> Could you done it in the 60s? That's the That's the key. That's the the key.

[02:29:54]>> Look, we had a lot of tech technology in the 60s. I mean, we had everything to go to the moon for sure. It's more >> doubt that we went there. I'm saying we didn't live stream it. U that's Craig's like this doesn't pass like this doesn't pass like the entry level logic test of like all right if if we we went to the moon why why would we why would we not fake going to the moon but then go through the trouble of faking this dream I'm just saying I don't I don't see how >> did agree with me whenever I said Lee Harvey Oswald did not kill JFK >> well that's a whole another con we're going to have to have a whole conspiracy theory episode I Yes. Okay. Well, we're going to let Valerie go because she has church today. So, I really do appreciate you coming. I appreciate you asking.

[02:30:39]>> Yeah. And, um, remember sobriety that.com, >> www.sriority.com.

[02:30:45]>> Put it up. We'll put a QR code.

[02:30:46]>> They're going to put a QR code up. And, uh, I I really do. I thank you for being here. And, you know, >> Yes. Thank you. We're all very proud of you.

[02:30:53]>> Yeah, we are. We're very proud of you.

[02:30:55]All right. Stay tuned for the next episode of Locally Hated.