83% of Black men with an income of $100K or higher are married to Black women

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]Most black men with money marry black women. They're not like out here going, "Boy, what a terrible set of options there are out here." You know what I mean? Like, I found a black woman who's good enough for me. She talked just enough of me. She make just enough of me. Like, whatever that means, right?

[00:00:13]Like, we're not in such a despair. The truth is is that people get married less when they have less money. And they also commit less often when they are not in a six-figure relationship, right? So, that's across all races. That's not just us. There are some things that I think because so many people historically in black communities are coming from also poor communities and immigrant communities sometimes I think we think it's coming from our culture when in fact it's like if you were to go somewhere else you would feel totally different about it like if you go to most people who are from the south who have large families from the south right they know people who are married and been married now I'm not saying those marriages are healthy I'm just saying they know people who stay together and it's not about the fact that the woman's using a man and a man's using a woman, right? And I think in the black community, we don't give ourselves enough credit for the fact that we're better at maintaining close relationships and family than most other cultures are, right? And that's >> Can we talk about that? Because I've I've actually never heard that that uh that statistic.

[00:01:15]>> I actually disagree, by the way.

[00:01:17]>> And I mean, but but we're going to talk >> You can argue with the numbers. you can you know [laughter] agree about what >> but but I mean it's like for example >> we're better than uh all cultures >> at at most of the cultures in this country in this country okay >> so when it comes to like other comparisons of other groups of people in this country poor people particularly black people and hemispherically I actually mean that >> he in the hemisphere I mean like Brazil Dominican Republic Puerto Rico here African-based cultures right we need each other >> we need each other that's why I said when you lose a bunch of money and then your relationship falls apart. You just lost a bunch of privilege and now we got each other and we got to look around and be like, "But are you enough to help me get back to my good stage?" Like maybe you not like maybe you going to mess up my whole plan for myself. A lot of us know that we grew up in communities with chosen family. A lot of us know that. We call people auntie and uncle who were not auntie and uncle. We have people in our family who might not have never got married but they living in the same house, you know. And I think that that that kind of rel relationship maintenance is not about the privilege on paper of saying we're married, right?

[00:02:25]It's about the reality that like a lot of times this concept for people if you say just cut them off in our community, we're like that's a little harsh because our first instinct is actually if you can fix it, maybe you fix it. And even though it might seem rude to more privileged people that you're direct, it's a good social skill to tell people what you need and what you think or because otherwise we're walking around and I don't like you and you don't really know it and you're not really sure what to do about that. Like most of us who have ever been in an office know it's uncomfortable to not know if people like you or not. It's it's like is this real? This is not real. You know, but good social relationships feel authentic. And a lot of us know who are from cities with immigrants in it, with black folks in it, that the most social people we know are black folks, right?

[00:03:16]So, when we're talking about relationships, we have the skills, but we're also being disempowered a lot and told about ourselves a lot. We have really low self-esteem. Often we lose people that we can't really control losing, you know, from very young ages.

[00:03:33]A lot of us lose people. So, by the time we're talking about adult love, there are so many things that are ingrained into us that just go try to prevent yourself from getting hurt, which is not the same thing as saying we don't know how to do this.

[00:03:49]>> Yeah.

[00:03:49]>> Wow. You know, and I was actually having a conversation about something like this yesterday and I was saying people have become so naive to life or if not naive but dismissive to life that they only want the good out of everybody not realizing that there's going to be a bad and there it's inevitable. I don't know what that bad looks like. I'm not saying you have to deal with it and tolerate it. But what I am saying is that when you experience bad with the person, that doesn't necessarily mean it has to be over, which is kind of maybe my programming as a black man born and raised in America of trying to fix things.

[00:04:27]>> But that's but I also see it as that's the reality. If I fight with Aaron today, I might not be mad tomorrow. So why am I still holding on to it?

[00:04:36]>> I might.

[00:04:37]>> Yeah, but like >> you can hit me next week.

[00:04:40]>> Okay. [laughter] Well, then then we wait the week. But I feel like people be trying to be so tough for this one thing. Oh nah, red flag cut off. But I'm like, wait, hold on. Time out. How did you contribute to this? Did you contribute if you know what I'm saying?

[00:04:53]And how can you get over this part? And is this really that monumental? I think we we're out here trying to seek a perfect partner without any trouble, any cause, any struggle. Um, and really any willingness in case any of these things do transpire in the near future? Can I can I ask you a question? Do you >> do when you say when you make this statement, are you including people who um may cross a boundary with you like a a a um a boundary that you've set, you know, for your mental and physical wellness or whatever, and they cross that boundary, do you agree that it's okay to like red flag cut them off versus trying to work through that? If I keep it specific to what you're saying, >> um, and just want to reiterate it, make sure I'm not going off track. If somebody, if you set a boundary and somebody crosses it and they break it, right? Obviously, there are different severities. So, I'm not saying all boundaries, but let's say if I said, I don't know, let's use an example. Um, don't I don't know, don't throw my clothes away, right?

[00:06:02]>> Okay.

[00:06:03]>> I I'm just [laughter] I don't know. Like >> I don't know where you what's been going on in your relationship.

[00:06:08]>> It's not happening in jeans.

[00:06:10]>> Or don't. All right. How about this?

[00:06:11]>> You said she [laughter] >> You know what I'm saying? Or how about this?

[00:06:14]>> I definitely throw D.

[00:06:15]>> Don't don't call me outside of my name.

[00:06:17]Let's use that.

[00:06:18]>> Sure. Yeah, that's a simple way.

[00:06:19]>> That's great.

[00:06:19]>> I was trying not to be cliche, but whatever.

[00:06:22]>> You could be cliche.

[00:06:23]>> That's a good one.

[00:06:23]>> Let's say I say don't call me outside my name. Um and because usually, not all the time, but usually is there's always a cause and an effect, right? So there's a an action and a reaction. So if maybe I had a boundary that maybe I did not disclose to you and then you know you did it to me without knowing and I called you outside of your name and now you're like yo I told you don't effing do that because blah blah and now it's just a a situation that has gone so far high with just because of the lack of understanding. Now, I think it's different when people are being um malicious. Like malicious intent is different, but you know, misunderstanding or or hell, maybe you did nothing and I just got so much going on in my life right now that maybe I'm not even sharing with you. I'm stressed about work. I'm not happy at my job. And you know, you just didn't you you moved my shoes and I wanted my shoes by the door and now I'm losing it. Right.

[00:07:20]Obviously, I need a lot of help at that point.

[00:07:22]>> Yeah, you need you need therapy.

[00:07:24]>> Yeah, you may need therapy. There goes what I'm saying. Angry.

[00:07:27]>> But what [laughter] I am saying is >> shoes by the door.

[00:07:29]>> Like you not going to yell at me about no shoes.

[00:07:33]>> No, but in his defense is really is when you suppress so much stuff.

[00:07:38]>> Yeah. It's the littlest thing.

[00:07:39]>> But that's lack of communication within your relationship.

[00:07:42]>> Or maybe it's sometimes the thing is especially as black people, we're so used to carrying weight.

[00:07:48]>> Yeah. So, at some point in time, you know, it's like they say, the straw that breaks the camel's back.

[00:07:54]>> Well, I have a question. I have a question for you.

[00:07:57]>> What do you think keeps people single that they don't notice?

[00:08:01]>> Some of the most common dating advice that people are paying for right now is to just date people you wouldn't normally date.

[00:08:07]>> That's it.

[00:08:07]>> I think that's terrible.

[00:08:08]>> You think people should do that?

[00:08:09]>> I think to some degree, I think you should just >> just meet.

[00:08:13]>> We've seen what that happens like here at the table. But but here's >> I don't advise it, >> but I mean what you've been meeting people casually has been >> No, we've been see Yeah, we've been seeing events and all that types of stuff.

[00:08:23]>> I guess here's the thing. We meet a lot of people >> at this point. Dating apps are just as random as like being at a bar and having somebody walk up to you. Most people are on dating apps. It's not like you're finding some select, you know, few people on these dating apps. So when you go on dating apps, you're also dealing with a bunch of people who are looking through a bunch of people, right? And so it dehumanizes an experience that's not really how you would normally go about evaluating people. And this is what I mean about friendship. I have a friend.

[00:08:52]I meet them however I meet them. As we do things together, I'm like, you know what? I like the way you think. I like the way you move. I like the way that you do stuff. It's through these shared experiences that we get to know our kind of system, the way that we affect each other. You don't have to be perfect to be in love and have a good relationship.

[00:09:12]In fact, you don't even have to be exactly the same. You can have a lot of things that are not the same.

[00:09:16]>> I think that's the problem with dating apps, you know.

[00:09:19]>> Yeah, >> I saw this thing on Twitter yesterday.

[00:09:20]It was really bizarre. Um, so these two people, they met on a dating app and before they planned their first date, she asked the guy if he didn't mind filling out a questionnaire that she had set up.

[00:09:35]>> That's dope. How many questions are we talking about?

[00:09:38]>> It was about I think it was 20. It was 26 questions. Uh she created this questionnaire herself. It started off pretty generic questions.

[00:09:46]>> What's your favorite color?

[00:09:48]>> You know, regular right?

[00:09:49]>> What's your size?

[00:09:50]>> Then it it kind of and then it got a little weird like it was it was um >> it was a toilet paper question. Do you think that the toilet paper goes like under or do you roll it or over?

[00:10:02]>> I say under. What I say?

[00:10:04]>> I don't I'm not a preference. with the toilet paper. I used to be >> No, I'm preference.

[00:10:09]Now my husband got a lot of people have preferences on it. I be feeling weird when I put my toilet paper roll on.

[00:10:14]>> If I got to go this way for it, I'm going to be tight.

[00:10:16]>> No. No. Yeah. I don't do that anyway.

[00:10:19]And then there was like a question about like if you had a like a homosexual child, like how would you handle it?

[00:10:25]Just real personal questions. Oh wow.

[00:10:27]>> And after after going through the questions, he was just like, "Yeah, absolutely not. like I'm not answering this because it's like you're going to determine whether we go out or not based on how I answer these questions. And one I understood his need to not want to do it >> because it's just like well we can go out and get to know each other like regular human beings instead of me like having to fill out what kind of seems like a test >> before you decide [clears throat] like okay yeah pass. they didn't pass my test, so I I'm just gonna be like real cut with it and yeah, just like, okay, well, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to continue to try to get to know you. So, honestly, I thought that the questionnaire was a little bit too much. But I I just think that dating apps specifically, that's what's wrong with it. Like, we're trying to find people too much like ourselves, and that's probably not always going to be the best thing to do.

[00:11:26]>> I have a I I have a question about that.

[00:11:28]So from my perspective, that seems like a very >> effective and efficient way to like weed out somebody who you won't vibe with.

[00:11:39]And and and I'm only saying that if those questions are presented in a way that they are like deal breakers for you or that that they speak to your like fundamental principles. Because let's say he was like, "No, if my kid is a homosexual, I I can't mess with it." She might have a kid that's a homosexual, you know, and and that may or or sibling or something, you know, so that may be a fundamental thing that she can't rock with. That's why I think it's kind of efficient, you know. It's it you don't waste a date, you don't waste no money, you don't waste no time. You you you don't waste uh your lipstick, your foundation, your dress, your outfit, whatever, you know? So >> it's like why