why feminine gay men are bitter

Added: 2026-05-12

[00:00:00]Um, I guess I want this video to be about emotions and the emotions that I think it's okay for um, feminine gay men to feel.

[00:00:18]And I think um there's a reason why um bitterness comes to mind first because I feel like bitterness is the emotion that is attached to this feeling of not being able to be accepted within society.

[00:00:40]So if you're like a feminine gay man or if you're basically seen as feminine by the world as a man, you will never be included in the experience of manhood.

[00:00:53]So I feel like it's very important to think about that and remember that because um our society basically operates with um the idea that there are essentially four um main gender performances.

[00:01:14]Two of which are not normal. So we have or not seen as normal. Um, one is masculine man and that is what is seen as normal for men, right? If a man is not if a man is to be a man, he has to be masculine, right? So men are rewarded for behaviors that are seen as masculine and are not really um discouraged from engaging in masculine or what we some people would call toxic masculine behaviors um because masculinity is celebrated um largely and um for that reason there is no um people that usually discourage masculine behaviors and even if that is discouraged. It's never actually taken seriously, right? Because in a patriarchal society, it's very rare for um men's opinions to be seen um as lesser to any criticisms.

[00:02:19]So um if criticism comes from another uh person who is not a masculine man that criticism is going to be heavily devalued um simply because that person is not a masculine man or not perceived as such.

[00:02:37]So that's the first. Um the second is um a feminine woman and feminine women um femininity is the only thing that women are allowed to be and um or are seen it's appropriate. It's seen as appropriate for a woman to be feminine. Um and that doesn't mean that she is on equal footing to a masculine man. That just means that part of femininity is to be um subservient to masculine men.

[00:03:10]So that's how patriarchy functions is that women's expectations um include the house as well as you know in modern society economic because of the way that everyone has to work nowadays women have to make money but then have to come home and still do the work as well in the patriarchal household. So that is um the second gender performance that is seen as it's socially accepted but it's only in a subservient position. Um and then we have the third um which is feminine um behavior but in a masculine body and that gender performance is obviously seen as you know embarrassing, a mockery.

[00:04:01]um something to be left uh etc. And I think this um of course the fourth before I move on with the third since this video is about the third um the fourth is masculine women are women who are seen as masculine and um masculine women are seen as um essentially attempting to be men by in the patriarchal view. So masculine women are not um celebrated either, but um sometimes masculine men and masculine women can still relate to each other. It depends how open-minded the men are. I think that feminine men will always again not be really accepted by masculine men. And part of that has to do with homophobia because if a masculine man accepts a feminine man, he is seen as sort of relating to like homosexual behavior or some homosexual perception. Um, if a straight man or a masculine man has gay friends or feminine friends, um, because of proximity, he is also seen to be feminine. And this is like a very like um some people would say this view is outdated, but it's very much not outdated. It's just um there has been some push back to this idea. Um but the idea itself and the way that um men socialize with each other, masculine men socialize is still very much based around this sort of like homophobic um camaraderie that um if breaking that pattern or breaking that assumption results in ridicule and results in the fear of ostracization.

[00:05:52]So if a masculine man is seen as feminine in any respect, even with proximity to accepting the feminine man, then he himself risks ostracization.

[00:06:04]And social ostracization for a masculine man is a form of social death. But it's also a form of social death for feminine masculine or feminine men as well. Um, ostracization is the experience of social death. And the difference is that feminine men will always experience that form of social death. It's essentially um inescapable.

[00:06:31]is essentially something that every feminine man will always experience because of the fact um when masculine manhood is seen as really important and essentially important in a society um feminine men will always experience a form of social death disassociation from themselves and um bitterness. Um, and that's what this video is about is uh why uh feminine gay men are bitter and why bitterness is so common because this bitterness comes from experiencing social death, ostracization and um being left in a form of um limbo or purgatory, gender purgatory essentially. Um and the same can be true to a certain extent of masculine women as well. Being left in a state of gender purgatory where your um performance, your gender expression that is natural to you is not naturally accepted by society. And so you will always um feel like you are already in a state of social death and you can never be yourself um and be accepted. And that creates bitterness and that creates um a critical view of society and a critical view of the world. And um that is where my critical view comes from ultimately is this experiencing social death um and then um having to navigate my life moving forward realizing that I will never be accepted um in the dominant by masculine men in a patriarchal society which masculine men rule patriarchal society of course. So you will never be accepted by the dominant power in patriarchal society.

[00:08:21]And because of that exclusion, you have to find your own alternative meaning in life that is different and that is based in different values. And that journey is very um different for everybody. It's not something that um comes from a place of um fear anymore. You can no longer be afraid, right, of so of facing society, but rather you have to understand the love for yourself. You have to reclaim the love for yourself. And reclaiming that love of yourself is a difficult process, but it is possible.

[00:09:04]And it's not something that um comes easy, but it is something that comes from years and years and years of perseverance. And through that perseverance, you become strong and you become powerful and you understand more about how to reflect on where you are in life and what the meaning of life is beyond simply fitting in to society.

[00:09:34]because you will never fit in from the day that you have been designated to be a feminine man. You will never fit into society um unless you live in a society in which that expression is accepted which is not normally the thing that happens. Um it's not the common thing in our modern colonial world. In the past, in certain societies, that was the case where there was a role for feminine men to occupy. Um, but that has since been eradicated through colonization and other forces of violence that has essentially changed the world forever.

[00:10:09]Um, but it is possible to look back at this history and to gain a new sense and that removes some of the bitterness because you realize that um, humanity has not always been this way.

[00:10:21]And so I think that is the importance of history. That is the importance of looking back and reflecting and understanding the truth that has existed. Um unfortunately we most of us I would say the the large majority of the world does not live in a society where feminine men are openly accepted.

[00:10:40]I think there are small pockets of this that exist in certain areas, but for the large majority of us, it is not the truth and is not the case, unfortunately. And that will create psychological trauma and different effects that um feminine gay men will have to experience regardless, right?

[00:10:57]And they will still be expected to find a way to function in this society even though they have not been given a functional role. That is going to create a lot of bitterness. that is going to create a lot of unwillingness to want to you know persevere in this society but that is the task that is designated to us unfortunately um that is the reality of the situation and I think it's important that we recognize the reality and I think it helps when people actually accept and acknowledge that reality rather than attempt to come up with excuses for why this like why life is difficult Um, it's difficult because of homophobia. It's difficult because feminine men are never accepted in society. And it's diff and it will always be difficult and far more difficult for feminine men in society than masculine men because of that lack of space that because of that lack of acceptance. It is something that um creates a lot of trauma and I think it's important that we acknowledge that. And so that's pretty much all I wanted to talk about. And that creates the bitterness again. And um there's a reason why if you um are a feminine gay man yourself and you experience bitterness, this is probably where your bitterness originates from um on a certain level. And I think that that is um because regardless of who you are, we all function in this society where there is no space. There is no gender accepted role for feminine gay men to operate within that is um celebrated or even just accepted on a wide scale. And again, there's always little pockets of it that you can try to find, but um unfortunately, it's not something that exists on a large scale. And so that is always a force that is pushing against you. and that force that you have to fight against to survive and persevere.

[00:12:55]So, um yeah, I think that's the message is that um survival and perseverance, you should be proud of yourself for persevering. you should be proud of yourself for surviving and um we should always encourage more people to um persevere and survive and and find that happiness that they're looking for because it's it is difficult to find sometimes in this society where there is constant pushing against you. Um but I think for myself I have unpacked it. I definitely have. I feel like I have confronted it and I understand and it's given me this different perspective on life where I feel like I don't take life as seriously because I can't take life as seriously under such conditions where um this is normal supposedly of course when you look at history history tells a different story and that's how I know that u that's why I don't take this version of um reality as seriously because it's not something that um is essential It's not an essential truth. It is just simply a heavy misguidance that has taken hold over humanity and it's um very unfortunate and it's something that um I used to feel anger about but I have definitely let go of the anger and I feel like I have um I'm on this journey of now just trying to educate people about this and like the reasons why um this has become so normalized even though it's actually not very normal when it comes to human history and It's important to remember that because a different reality is possible and a different reality is something that can be achieved. If we just weave our way there, we push our way there, we can create a different reality simply through um our words, simply through our actions of love um and connection. So, that's pretty much all I really wanted to say. So, thank you for watching and I'll see you in the next