Colbert's Lord of the Rings Movie | Red Cow Arcade

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:00]Peter Jackson, director of the Lord of the Rings trilogy and the Hobbit trilogy. Now, you remember that New Line Cinema produced, which and I think they're just straight up owned by Warner at this point. I don't know, though. And of course, Warner is owned by Paramount probably. [laughter] Things are getting a little I remember in the 90s they actually used to worry about antitrust. Now, >> now they don't care.

[00:00:24]>> Yeah, it feels like nobody gives a damn.

[00:00:26]But anyway, New Line Cinema produced the Lord of the Rings movies and I think in order to hold on to the rights, they have to continue to make Lord of the Rings movies. And so remember that like Ride of the Roherum or War War of the Roherum animated film, which wasn't bad.

[00:00:40]It just wasn't very like it wasn't worthy of the Lord of the Rings name. I think >> it felt like an obligation to keep the rights.

[00:00:47]>> Yeah. Yeah. It was like, well, what if we just spent a bunch of money on an animation, we put it in theaters, and they, you know, it always flops. Like RLM recently did a video. It was like what are these you know one of their kind of like what are these movies montages and it was I thought it was really funny where they were like has anyone ever heard of it? No. Was a lot of money spent on it? Yes. Was it successful? No. It lost tons of money.

[00:01:11]>> That that could explain anything like so many things.

[00:01:14]>> It's very curious. And you know at least in the case of these franchises being a box office success is secondary to retaining the rights probably. So, you got Amazon over here adapting whatever it is that they're allowed to adapt for Rings of Power, which I can't even say out loud without thinking of the Sega Genesis game by Naughty Dog with the tits. [laughter] But then over here, you got Warner with Peter Jackson like having to retain the rights. So, you remember like I I don't know now like two years ago they announced that Andy Circus would be directing a movie called The Hunt for Gollum.

[00:01:46]>> Yeah, I was going to say The Quest for Gollum. Yeah, The Hunt for Gollum.

[00:01:50]>> The War for Gollum. Does does this feel like a story that needs to be told? Like does that feel like you need there's a mystery there?

[00:01:58]>> No. [laughter] >> No. It's very easily inferred that he was found. Um [clears throat] but but they were like, "No, no, no.

[00:02:08]>> [snorts] >> Aragorn is going to be looking for him.

[00:02:12]While while Frodo was in the Shire, you know, awaiting exposition about the ring uh from Gandalf, this [ __ ] was going down. And boy, is there a story here. I'm like, something tells me the story is a lot smaller than the rest of the story. But they're going to do it.

[00:02:29]And then it'd be one thing if they got VO Mortonson back and they somehow beautified him back into looking 40, but they're not. He said he's not playing Aragorn. So you're gonna recast Aragorn.

[00:02:40]>> You can't improve on perfection. Really?

[00:02:42]That's my mas that's like my masculine role model when I was that age. Like when I saw that I was like this is this is a man. This is a man. He does he accepts his responsibility. [snorts] >> That's that's it.

[00:02:56]>> Well, so Hunt for Gollum and all when I I remember when I first heard that I was like geez that really really sounds like a fan film. And it turned out somebody actually did in fact make a movie called The Hunt for Gollum. like, "Oh, some YouTube shit." And I was like, "Of course they did."

[00:03:09]>> Are they Are they running in the woods?

[00:03:11][laughter] >> Yeah, of course. [panting] You know, it's every I assume that the movie opens with somebody panting. See, now they've got those AI fan films, right? Have you seen this [ __ ] >> Uh, no.

[00:03:23]>> They would get the guy who could impersonate Harrison Ford really well, and they'd make a Han Solo short film and the desert, and they'd be like, "The desert is Tatooine." And you'd be impressed. you'd be like, "Wow, they really put a lot of money into a movie that can't possibly make its money back because of the copyright." And, you know, it wasn't super watchable, but they'd use John Williams score and stuff and it was pretty good. But now, now they're out there like with whatever sea dance and [ __ ] making like here's Luke Skywalker and you know, this is a a little short film 10 minutes before he shows up in a New Hope doing Beggars's Canyon or whatever. And like >> doesn't uh what's his name? Star Wars McMuscles. Doesn't he uh do stuff like that? Uh Star Wars Theory.

[00:04:04]>> Star Wars McMuscles. That's probably how I even heard about it was he was like reacting to those movies.

[00:04:10]>> Oh, okay.

[00:04:10]>> So, I think even he kind of he was like, "All right, there's a shelf life on hating Star Wars." So, obviously he's a fan, but he, you know, I think most of the views come from like, can you believe Kathleen Kennedy?

[00:04:22]>> He he's gone beyond that now. You know, the whole channel at first was, is it possible that Mace Window did survive when he was thrown out of the Mace window? Um, [snorts] [laughter] >> it' be like, you know, he cuts to a comic book that somewhat supports the claim and, uh, you know, it's all that sort of [ __ ] There's another guy, Stupendous Wave, and he has an even more songy voice. At the end of his life, Wu was considered the best lightsaber duelist alive as he had defeated the likes of Sora Bulk, General Grievous, Assange Ventress, and even to some extent Darth Cidius.

[00:04:57]>> He's got like this ridiculous narration.

[00:05:00]I'm like, only on YouTube could you get away with this [ __ ] But yeah, and then I think after he was like, you know what, I admit it. I don't like Last Jedi. And then of course that kind of like attracts different kinds of audience. And then, you know, before eventually you get to the acolyte.

[00:05:12]You're talking [ __ ] about the acolyte and you can't help yourself, but [laughter] get an audience of people who hate Star Wars. But I think he's trying to kind of like make the channel something >> where I want to go after this. Of course, focus more on Theory Sabers, grow that, and then start on episode 3.

[00:05:29]And I want to focus on me a little bit.

[00:05:30]I want to take some vacations. I want to enjoy life a little bit. Uh, for the last two years, it's been it's taken a toll. Well, although pro probably the way he got the most views was crying over Luke Skywalker.

[00:05:41]>> I don't have words, man. I couldn't be happier.

[00:05:44]>> So, it is like it's a mix of people who love the franchise and are pissed off at the franchise.

[00:05:50]>> But, I think like it's just kind of it's come to its logical conclusion. Like there's no passion left to hate the thing, right? Like even if Acolyte season 2 came out, there'd be no there'd be no hate boner for it because there's nothing left to there, you know? It's like >> Yeah. No, I would love it if Acolyte season 2 came out. [laughter] do a wheelie.

[00:06:06]>> I would love it. I wouldn't hate it.

[00:06:09]>> It's like being mad at your ex who you broke up with 15 years ago. You're like, "Yeah, I know. She was a bitch." But >> it's over. [laughter] IT'S OVER, JOHNNY.

[00:06:19]>> IS OVER.

[00:06:22]>> ANYWAY, back to Lord of the Rings. So, Hunt for Gollum. God help us. And And but you know, the only I think the only saving grace about it is Andy Circus is going to be directing it. So, okay, he's like passionate about Gollum. The story has to take place during a time where Gollum's alive. I'm sure they'll throw in a lot of flashbacks. Maybe you'll, you know, you make a big Gollum movie.

[00:06:43]And so we get to obvious, you know, Gollum was the one of the most interesting things about the original trilogy. His scene in The Hobbit is one of the most compelling scenes in The Hobbit. Maybe whatever if that's what you have, you know, he's a probably a bankable character to the extent that any character is bankable anymore. Then a new announcement comes out and I'm telling Nah about it and she's like, "It's not April 1st yet when it was announced." [laughter] Like this is like the most April foolsy [ __ ] So it's like a portrait video on social media of of of Peter Jackson very tired, very addicted to [laughter] some sort of painkiller and he's like, you know, exhausted like he was in those intros. I was able to wing it right up until the point that I had to start shooting this very intricate battle. I couldn't wing that really. I did need to know what the hell I was doing and have a plan. [laughter] >> Um, it's past my nap time. I but I want to give this announcement.

[00:07:40]>> So, he goes like, you're going to be very excited to hear that the Hunt for Golem is going to be uh shooting in in in MetaMeta um whatever. He's like, yeah, big update on that. And he goes, "And but now we also would like to announce a new movie will be made."

[00:07:55]>> But that is not the only Tolken movie that we're developing. We've actually got a one another film that we'll be making after Hunt forgotten.

[00:08:02]>> Yet another fan film will [laughter] be made and he's like, "So I've brought on a very special guest and there's like a newspaper, I think, and then it like dramatically whips down and it's Steven [ __ ] Co Bear.

[00:08:18]Urge to kill rising.

[00:08:20]>> Did you see this yet, EJ? Am I telling this? [laughter] >> You're telling me this for the first time? Yeah, I Okay, so back the Co Bear Report back when he was funny. He he he did he had a lot of knowledge of Lord of the Rings, like very uh he's very much a fan.

[00:08:42]>> Do this. Oh, slender as a willow wand.

[00:08:45]Oh, clearer than clear water. Oh reed by the living pool fair riverd daughter. Oh springtime and summertime and spring again after. Oh wind on the waterfall and the leaves laughter.

[00:08:56]>> You know he he knew he knew his stuff like so I like it doesn't surprise me but at the same time I don't want to see him. [clears throat] >> Yeah. Yeah. I'm not like yay [laughter] Lord of the Rings something that is already perfect as three movies is saved but he's he's like hey Peter. Hi, Peter.

[00:09:17]>> Yeah, you know, my son and I were talking about this idea we had for a Lord of the Rings movie, and we pitched it to you. So, my son's a screenwriter, too, and uh you, of course, we're huge fans of Tolken, and um we thought, you know, you're brilliant films, Peter.

[00:09:31]They didn't adapt whatever chapters three, four, and five or something of Fellowship of the Ring. So, he's talking about the Tom Bombadil [ __ ] around that point, and he's like, "So, we were thinking, wouldn't it make a wonder?"

[00:09:44]And we had this great idea for a wonderful movie that would just be those chapters and it would be consistent with the book and we would make it consistent with the Peter Jackson films too. It would just like slot in. And the working title is Lord of the Rings Shadow of the Past and I'm like what's with the [ __ ] fanfiction titles?

[00:10:04]>> Yeah, these are these are titles of like video games like you know video games would always have things like this like Yeah. Shadows of Bord. [laughter] Yeah, definitely. Lord of the Rings, Dark Shadows.

[00:10:16]>> Dark Shadows. Dark Alliance.

[00:10:18]>> Dark Alliances. Yes. Mortal Kombat.

[00:10:21]>> Deadly Alliance.

[00:10:22]>> But uh yeah, man. So that's what's happening. And you know, much the way Hunt for Gollum is like, "Okay, so you're going to recast Aragorn and all this.

[00:10:29]>> We're going to recast Aragorn a second time."

[00:10:33]>> Yeah. It brings up a lot more questions than it answers. A lot more questions than it answers. Like, so you said it's going to be consistent with the movies.

[00:10:42]So, I believe the main characters of these chapters are the hobbits. Yes. So, you're going to bring back the old men hobbits and put them back in the feet and all that. I mean, maybe you can make them look I mean, they're not that old.

[00:10:53]I think Billy Boyd, though, is probably like 55 by this point. I mean, they're not they're not they're not Spring Chicken. They're not the kids that were in the first movies.

[00:11:01]>> I feel like on social media, I always see like reunions of with them like every week. Like every week they're having a reunion. Yeah. And they look older and older every time. Yeah.

[00:11:10]>> Yeah. They get grayer and grayer hair. I mean, of course, they're all in shape except for poor uh Sean Aston, who's now in charge of the Screen Actors Guild.

[00:11:16]He's >> He just looks like an old grandpa.

[00:11:21]You definitely could not bring him back.

[00:11:23]It's not possible in his current state to bring him back for Shadow of the Past. This would be Shadow of the Future. [laughter] >> This would be a look into the the spectre of death.

[00:11:34]>> The other ones, could you slap a wig on them and pretend the wrinkles weren't there? Maybe.

[00:11:39]>> Maybe. You know, I mean, >> I also think in their older age, they look a little skinnier and taller, like in a way that would be I feel like Frodo, when they brought him back for The Hobbit, he looked like real tall for a [ __ ] 4 foot tall Hobbit.

[00:11:50]>> Yeah, because they they they had babyier faces and little fuller faces. Now they're all like like they're all rail thin, >> bony up, >> bony behind, bony old behind. Bony old behind. So, we have no idea who's going to direct this thing, but but are you hearing what I'm saying? There's going to be two movies that take place at the beginning of Fellowship of the Ring.

[00:12:14]>> Yeah. That we already know where it goes. You don't You didn't need them.

[00:12:19]You You didn't need the Bombadil horseshit. You didn't You didn't >> like Wouldn't you say that like the better I mean, if you must do a Shadows of the Empire style movie where it's like uh here are the events that you didn't see or something. Don't you think maybe like following Aomir, you know, wherever he went off to for a while, maybe that could be a move? Probably not. I just think there's like other places in Middle Earth to go besides like that same [ __ ] ground, which is, you know, >> yeah, there's like different ages. We don't have to do Rings of Power obviously, but [laughter] >> No.

[00:12:52]>> Or you [snorts] could have you could have done I mean Rings of Power I think for me obviously it's it's shitty for a million reasons. like every reason is why it's shitty. But um I think like just from a story perspective, the whole like the forging of the rings thing is not really a because that just gets you it's like Star Wars like it just always brings you back to like the Darth Vader and the Jedi and you know it's like get away from all of it. Maybe do like Numora a long time ago. Tell a really good story about like a lineage or something. And and for that reason I thought that War of the Roherim movie was like not terrible. Like you could totally watch it. I mean, it kicks the [ __ ] out of Rings of Power, >> right?

[00:13:30]>> The animation's cool. I remember the sound design was really cool in that movie, like in a theater. I was like, really good sound design.

[00:13:35]>> Well, yeah. I mean, it's like it's like Game of Thrones. Like, you know, we watched Night of the Seven Kingdoms.

[00:13:40]Like, they're not retreading old. It's takes place in the same world, but it's a different character. It's a different story. It's not like about like Ned Stark's, you know, baby or something like it's it's nothing like baby Ned Stark. It's nothing like that. It's just a different story in the same universe.

[00:13:56]It it tries to be its own thing. You could do that with Lord of the Rings.

[00:13:59]You don't have to be like, "We're doing Peter Jackson in between thing." Yeah, we don't need to do that.

[00:14:06]>> Oh, get this. Let's read the plot because I don't think they were super clear about it in the little cute video.

[00:14:11]14 years after the presumed passing of Frodo, Sam, Mary, and Pippen. So, yeah, they're bringing these hobbits back.

[00:14:18]They're going to have to get a trainer for [ __ ] Sean Aston set out to retrace the first steps of their adventure. Meanwhile, Sam's daughter Eleanor has discovered a long buried secret and is determined to uncover why the War of the Ring was near very nearly lost before it even began.

[00:14:35]So, they're going to do chapters three, four, and five or whatever um as like a framing device, as like a like a flashback.

[00:14:41]>> That's what I'm I'm guessing.

[00:14:42]>> And Sam's daughter will be like, "I'm important.

[00:14:46]>> I figured out I'm important.

[00:14:48]>> [snorts] [laughter] >> She learns a dark [ __ ] secret that she's important.

[00:14:52]>> Maybe she finds out like the troubling past like Frodo Frodo was actually uh evil all along or something. [laughter] >> Oh yeah, right. Gandalf covered up the crime. Do we heard? Did Did we not Was this confirmed that if season two of the acolyte happened, >> Yoda be covering up sex crimes?

[00:15:13][laughter] >> Move him to a different tempo. I will.

[00:15:20]>> [laughter] >> is provided Jedi.

[00:15:25]>> We don't talk about Jedi Island.

[00:15:27]>> It says here that the the cast is ready.

[00:15:30]You're going to be excited about the cast. TBA as Froto Baggins. PNEN likely in a flashback. [laughter] TBA as Sam Gami. TBA as Peragrin Tuk.

[00:15:44]TBA as Mariott Brandybuck. and TBA as Eleanor PN Sam's daughter.

[00:15:50]>> Okay, so they're they might they could recast everybody.

[00:15:54]>> They're definitely coming back as fat old men or at least one of them for the like, oh, it's been so many years since The Ring and then um maybe when they flash back suddenly they're different kids for some reason. They're just totally different people. [laughter] >> Again, like [ __ ] off with this crap. I mean, just make a different movie and cast other people. Don't you dare do AI faces. Don't you dare.

[00:16:17]>> No, they're it's gonna be AI faces all over the place. All over their face.

[00:16:22]Their faces are gonna be shifting around the whole thing. It's [laughter] gonna be soare.

[00:16:26]>> It's going to be so distracting.

[00:16:28]>> You ever like I feel like every time they've ever done that, you like we're all staring at it. We're like >> it looks pretty good.

[00:16:35]>> Yeah.

[00:16:36]>> And then like you see the real human being acting, you're like that's completely better in every single way.

[00:16:40][laughter] >> Oh yeah. Like every time Yeah. You see like Luke Skywalker and uh whatever [snorts] the [ __ ] show [laughter] that was.

[00:16:48]>> Yeah, there were several. There was >> there were several >> Mandalorian and Boba Fett. Yeah.

[00:16:52]>> Yeah. Hello, I am Luke Skywalker. It's just like [laughter] Yeah. Robot and it looks okay. You're like look at it like I guess it's okay.

[00:17:01]>> That's pretty good. No, it's not. And then you just see Return of the Jedi.

[00:17:03]You're like, "Oh, right. Humans, >> right? Humans." Yes. So, [laughter] even Bill Clinton and uh Ted was was still distracting, you know?

[00:17:12]>> It was very obviously Seth McFarland.

[00:17:15]Yeah. I mean, I guess I'm I'm like I'm not totally against like, okay, we're going to get an actor, a good actor, they're going to play the role, and the CG face will basically like be like a mask. Like it's like a you're, you know, you're putting on a costume or something. But like there's the understanding that the person who's playing the role is the real actor here is we're not pretending to be Mark Hamill. something like that. But that that requires that's a lot of like cognitive back slips to GET THERE.

[00:17:41]>> YOU DESTROYED MY PLANET. I THOUGHT IT WAS A COFFEE BUTTON. THIS IS NOT HOW DIPLOMACY WORKS. YOU OWE ME A PLANET.

[00:17:46]I'LL BUILD YOU A MOON.

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