Why White?

[00:00:00]I will never in my life date black men.

[00:00:03]>> My preference as a young black boy was white men.

[00:00:07]>> Why don't black men love other black men?

[00:00:10]>> Eventually, we have to talk about how dangerous white gay men can be. They can be so dangerous and violent, and I would argue that they're more dangerous than white straight men can be.

[00:00:21]Honestly, because they have a proximity to innocence that they feel sometimes alleviates their responsibility to deconstruct the systems that they've been benefiting from.

[00:00:30]>> I've been thinking about this conversation for quite some time now, only because every time people bring it up, certain people become defensive. And honestly, I get why. The second thing you question why some black queer men date white men, people assume you're attacking interracial relationships. And trust me, I'm not. Love who you love.

[00:00:45]Who cares, right? But I also think some of us avoid being fully honest about the role race plays in attraction, especially within queer spaces. Because we're being honest, a lot of black queer men, especially the successful ones, heavily center whiteness in their dating lives. And I don't think that's always random. Sometimes it is just love.

[00:01:01]Sometimes people genuinely connect. But sometimes it's deeper, too. A lot of black queer men grow up feeling judged or disconnected, even within their own communities. Then you enter queer spaces where whiteness is constantly treated as a standard, the standard of beauty, the standard of softness, the standard of desirability. So when some black queer men only date white men, I think it's worth asking, is it truly just a preference, or can conditioning, internalized racism, and the need for validation play a role, too? Not for everybody, but definitely for some. And I think we should be able to have this conversation without acting like honesty is hate. But let's unpack this and talk more about it. What's up, you guys?

[00:01:36]Welcome and welcome back to my YouTube channel. It's your boy Quorante, and I'm back at it again with another video.

[00:01:40]Now, as you guys can see with the title, well, I'm not quite sure what I'm going to name it, but I think I'm going to title it Why White, right? Now, this video will get into the depths of interracial dating within the black gay community, and I'm well aware that this conversation is damn near redundant at this point, because every other month on gay Twitter, there's always a viral tweet about somebody complaining about why do black successful men date outside of their race, right? Now, with the title being the question why white, I kind of want to answer it getting into the nitty-gritty. So, we're going to get into the ugly, the good, the bad on the whole interracial dating aspect coming from a black male's perspective. If you are somebody that's new here or somebody that's been watching me for a while and really do enjoy my content, I please beg of you to subscribe, okay? I would really appreciate that. We're on the way to 60,000 subscribers. We just hit 59K, so we're not too far. Now, throughout this video, you guys, we're going to be getting into internalize racism, media representation, racial preference, and fetishization. Now, as I get further into this conversation, this is not going to be uh hatred video towards people who date outside of their race or just interracial relationships period, right? Because I'm somebody who support it. I feel like if it's coming from a genuine place, I support it. You know, it's some people can't help who they like. And if the person happens to be outside of their race or not the same race as them, oh well, like get over it.

[00:03:03]But, I don't support when people date outside of their race for the wrong reasons. And as we get further into this conversation, y'all will definitely understand where I'm coming from when I mean that. So, yeah, that's that. Every other month, social media returns to the same debate. A black man posts a picture with his white partner, someone shares a dating preference, and suddenly thousands of people are arguing about interracial dating among gay men. Some people see no issue at all. Others believe these relationships can reflect larger questions about race, self-image, and desirability. The fact that this conversation continues to resurface suggests that it is about more than who dates who. It is really about how race has shaped gay culture within itself. To understand why this is an ongoing debate, we have to look at the history of modern gay identity. Although black LGBTQ+ people played huge roles in queer activism, mainstream gay culture throughout the 1970s, '80s, and '90s was often centered around white men. The most visible magazines, bars, organizations, films, and political movements largely reflected white experiences. For many black gay men entering gay spaces often meant entering environments where they were present but not fully represented. This lack of representation extended into the media.

[00:04:11]For decades the image of the desirable gay man was white. Whether it was magazine covers, advertisements, TV shows, or hell, even pornography. White men were consistently presented as the face of gay attraction. Black men appeared less frequently and were often confined to stereotypes. While media alone does not determine attraction, it does help establish cultural standards of beauty. When one image is repeatedly promoted as desirable, it can become normalized. But at the same time, black men were dealing with a completely different problem. Stereotypes.

[00:04:39]Historically, black men have been portrayed as physically dominant, aggressive, hypersexual, and masculine.

[00:04:45]These stereotypes existed long before the modern LGBTQ+ movement and eventually carried over into gay dating culture. As a result, black gay men were often viewed through assumptions rather than as individuals. Some were excluded because of racist beliefs while others were desired specifically because of racial stereotypes. This distinction leads directly into one of the most controversial aspects of the conversation, preference. Supporters of interracial dating often argue that attraction is personal and cannot be controlled. The disagreement is not usually about whether someone can date outside their race. The disagreement is about whether racial preferences sometimes reflect broader social biases.

[00:05:20]But these conversations are rarely experienced as history lessons. They show up in everyday life in friendships, relationships, and sometimes in the people we care about the most. A good example of this can be seen through Jamal's character in the YouTube TV series For the Boys. Jamal is a young black gay man who begins dating a white man. His relationship creates this tension with his best friend Saïd who struggles with what the relationship could possibly represent.

[00:05:44]With a white boy.

[00:05:46]Where the [ __ ] is coming from?

[00:05:47]>> Just hot thoughts, hot thoughts. Yeah.

[00:05:49]>> Well, y'all already know how I feel about interracial dating.

[00:05:52]>> You can't be pro-black and date white.

[00:05:54]Okay?

[00:05:54]>> Okay, that's a reach, Saïd.

[00:05:56]>> How?

[00:05:57]>> What do you mean how? Dating someone who's white doesn't just like negate your entire identity.

[00:06:00]>> But it makes me question your identity.

[00:06:02]Like, how can you allow some white partner to parade you around like you some [ __ ] zoo animal?

[00:06:06]>> Wait, wait, wait. What if an interracial couple just happens to love each other?

[00:06:08]>> Please. White people feel so good about themselves when they date outside their race. They love to have black friends.

[00:06:13]Love to be invited to the cookout. Love to slip up and say the N-word in a song.

[00:06:17]>> how would you know that cuz you've never even dated a white person?

[00:06:19]>> And I never will.

[00:06:20][ __ ] I can't even go to the damn bodega without seeing that Whole Foods. [ __ ] I look like bringing that to my home?

[00:06:23]>> Okay, first of all, I love Whole Foods.

[00:06:25]And second, that is generalizing, Saïd.

[00:06:27]>> They generalize us every day.

[00:06:28]>> What makes this storyline so compelling is that neither character feels like a villain. Jamal isn't rejecting his blackness. He's simply pursuing a relationship with someone he really likes. But at the same time, Saïd's concerns does not come from nowhere.

[00:06:40]They reflect questions that many black gay men have wrestled with for many years. In a community where black men have often felt overlooked, stereotyped, or excluded, seeing another black man date a white man can sometimes raise deeper questions about desirability, belonging, and self-image. Whether those concerns are fair or not isn't really the point, though. The point is that both men are carrying different experiences into the conversation. Jamal sees a relationship, Saïd sees a pattern. Jamal sees the individual, Saïd sees history. And that tension helps explain why discussions about interracial dating continue to spark such strong reactions within the black gay community. So yes, I really wanted to make sure I include for the boys, and I wanted to use them for a reference because people do not talk about that show enough. I understand that the show is not big, but damn it, I I love it, and I want y'all to come out with another season. Now, what really sparked this conversation for me, I was on Twitter, and I seen this picture, I want to say back in May, of it's this black boy and this white boy holding hands in public. The person quoted it and said they managed to find a snow bunny no matter what sexuality. Now, y'all know the tweet have received a lot of traction. People were, you know, commenting and giving their opinions on it. You had some people who agreed with it and some folks who didn't, right?

[00:07:48]Now, if you don't know the black guy that's in the picture, his name is Ryan Russell. He is a former professional NFL player and a author who made history in 2019 by coming out as bisexual, making his very first active player in the major American professional sports league to openly identify as part of the LGBTQ+ community. In 2023, he did a sit-down interview with the Clay Cane Show, sharing his thoughts on interracial dating within the gay community and how he does not choose who he loves.

[00:08:13]>> One of the things that I hear from a lot of black gay folks is why does it appear that every uh black LGBT person who's famous is with a white person? I've heard this a lot. Um and I I don't care, but this is what I've heard like why why aren't there Why don't I see enough of it? I think it's an interesting conversation and you'll hear even black straight folks talk about black famous people. Um so, I'm just curious, what do you What are your thoughts on that from black queer folks who are like it appears that the ones who are well-known and famous from Billy Porter, who I adore, to yourself, they all happen to be partnered with white guys.

[00:08:43]Just I'm curious to know your thoughts on that.

[00:08:45]>> Yeah, I mean, it's something honestly I was I was very curious about before and still curious about. I have multiple thoughts and you know, I think there are things that contribute to that to that are outside of the control of of the couple, um myself included. Um but I I think that like I said, there's a lot of contributing factors. There's also for me another conversation of representation. Um you know, I don't think that there's enough or that there's an adequate amount or representative amount of famous black people, period. Um of famous um LGBTQ+ people, period. I believe that we are just kind of getting a small sample of of of people for whatever reason, talent, um opportunity, um whatever might be. Um and that like I said, we're putting kind of a lot of pressure on that small limited representation because it is so small and limited. Uh black love is something that I champion till this day. It's something that I feel very connected to being a product of black love myself. Um but at At time, I did not choose who I loved, You know, it was it was not a decision that I consciously could make at that moment like I'm going to love you, I'm not going to love you, I'm going to love you, I'm not going to love you.

[00:09:44]And I really do believe that interracial love is also kind of another I think guy is for for what we should all be doing. We should all just be loving people for who they are. Um and for for the soul that they have and not necessarily the body and the vessel that carries it. But there's a lot of factors I believe. I also believe like why is Hollywood or entertainment more comfortable platforming interracial couples and black couples? I think why is you know, I I think why are the opportunities given where black couples we don't see regardless of sexuality, we don't see black couples get that kind of that same kind of [ __ ] or that same kind of like support or that same kind of like love or craze until you get to like a Gabrielle Union Dwyane Wade status.

[00:10:19]Like these are mega stars.

[00:10:21]But that there are a lot of a lot of famous black people or black people in entertainment in black relationships that we don't see enough of. Uh so I don't know. I could really talk about the topic for for a long time, but I will say that the biggest thing that that did for me was also just make sure that I was still working on me internally.

[00:10:37]Because it was alarming for me to become a part of this conversation in that way on that side of things. And people say that well, you're self-hating or you know, you have internalized racism which we which one we all have internalized racism because we grew up here in a place where racism is literally in the systems that raise our kids, that educate our kids, and that that make our jobs. So, it was also one where I had to make sure that I was um you know, in a place where I love myself and I love that part of myself and my race and my heritage and my ethnicity and everything, you know, my boyfriend and I talk about family. We talk about kids and having black kids and what that unit looks like for us in our relationship and you know, how we still support black love even though people will look at us from outside and not necessarily see that.

[00:11:13]>> Now, after sitting back and watching that video, I do feel like he made a lot of great points. However, I'm going to be honest with y'all, it's two things that I was not liking within the video.

[00:11:23]The first thing he said was that he feels like black people in general struggles with internalized racism and that [ __ ] is not true. I don't know if he was speaking for himself because he did mention everybody. So, I don't know if he was trying to insinuate that he was including himself, but me personally, I strongly disagree. There's a lot of black people who genuinely love being black. I'm one of them. I love being black. That's never going to change for nobody. So, I don't know. I I hope he didn't mean everybody, but he literally said that. And there's also this another thing that I want to address. Some gay black men that get clocked by, I guess, the gay community on their dating history and, you know, they probably get clocked for only wanting to date white men. Whenever these some of these successful gay black men have these interviews, right? They always bring up environment. Now, I'm going to make myself very clear. I understand that your environment can sometimes dictate what you're attracted to, especially when you're a kid and you grown up around this [ __ ] to the point where you're just attracted to it.

[00:12:23]Because speaking from my personal experience, I'm somebody that grew up in the projects up until the age of 17 years old. And I was I was extremely attracted to hyper-masculine men. Like, I just could not help it. It's just what I was attracted to. It wasn't until I was starting to get more older, like in my early 20s, and I was just starting to explore. I was talking to men who wasn't as hyper-masculine, but hell, I was attracted to them and turns out I liked them or whatever the case may be.

[00:12:50]So, I do feel like this. I feel like some gay black men who date white men use use the whole environment thing as an excuse. What's up, you guys? So, I'm currently editing the video right now and just after rewatching what I just said, I stand on that. I do because the reason the whole reason why I brought up, you know, me, you know, grow growing up in the projects to the age of 17 and, you know, being attracted to what I was around, I mentioned that because I definitely understand where you can be exposed to stuff or be surrounded by things and eventually you you start to get attracted to it. I get that, but I feel like now that we are adults, it's a choice now to date who we date or whatever the case may be. And I feel like sometimes some of the successful gay black men that get clocked for consistently dating white men, I feel like some of them use the whole environment thing as an excuse. Like, just say you like white men. Like, it's okay. And I feel like the reason why they don't want to say that is because of the backlash. We are adults, so we choose the decisions that we make in life. And I feel like we also choose who we date. Sometimes some gay black men just don't want to admit that they only want to date white men. And I feel like the reason why they won't own the fact that they only want to date white men is the simple fact that they will receive backlash. We've seen it with so many artists who received backlash over the years to the point where they deleted their whole accounts. They couldn't take the heat in the kitchen.

[00:14:10]You know, it's that's just how I feel.

[00:14:12]Y'all let me know how y'all feel about that cuz I didn't want to come off as insensitive because I know how sometimes my wording and my tone could be, but that's how I really feel. Now, I want to talk about having a racial preference, right? And the most common, most famous, most trendiest question is, is it racist to have a racial preference? Now, me personally, I don't think it's racist, but I think it can be. And let me explain. With having a racial preference, right? It's There's some people who genuinely want to keep things within the bloodline. They want to keep things, you know, for the culture, so they don't want to date outside of their race, right? And I feel like if you're coming from a great place, a genuine place, but you're not but you're also not against dating outside of your race, nothing wrong with it, right? But what makes it racist is when you use stereotypes, you use hatred, you judge us a different certain group of people, I think that's what makes you racist.

[00:15:06]People say it is racist to have a racial preference, some people say it's not.

[00:15:10]And this girl, it was a public interview that I seen on TikTok, and basically she feels like if you have a racial preference, you are racist. Drop a hot take. Okay. Racial preference is racist.

[00:15:21]I was recently dating a guy and he expressed very aggressively that he would not have intercourse with a black woman because of their hair and skin.

[00:15:30]And he defended it as it being preference, but really it's flat out racism.

[00:15:35]>> Y'all please get in the comments and share your thoughts and opinions on that. Do you think that having a racial preference is racist? And if you do feel that way, please explain why you feel that way. I want to include this video of this gay black boy I found on Tik Tok. And basically he expressed how he quote-unquote hate black men and he expressed how he feels like all black men are bums and they're broke and you know, he just want to live a certain lifestyle and he feel like a black man can't give him that. I'mma let you guys take a look.

[00:16:07]>> I literally do not care how this is about to come off. Like y'all can sound the alarms, sound the self-hating black gay boy. I can care less. I've heard it all.

[00:16:18]I will never in my life date black men.

[00:16:22]Like I'm so sorry. I just can't. They don't have anything for me. There's a intelligence imbalance.

[00:16:29]There's a lifestyle imbalance that I don't want to be involved with. I don't want to ride around with you in your dirty raggedy Nissan Altima.

[00:16:41]Your tags aren't even Your Your tags are expired. So I have to worry about if cops are going to I don't have time for that.

[00:16:48]I don't have time for that. I really don't. Like I'm sorry. I don't want to do chicken wings and hookah, baby. I don't want to do that. I want caviar and champagne.

[00:16:58]You know, if I'm going to the Post Oak Hotel, I don't If with with Steve or Brad or Matthew or Connor, there's certain I don't have to worry about going 50/50. I don't have to worry about Connor telling me, "Oh, you can only get certain things off the menu." I don't have to worry about that. And that's another thing, too. There's already a million things a girl like me is going through and stressing about. I don't I don't I don't want to worry with you at all. You need to be cleaning and erasing all of my worries.

[00:17:28]And then when I'm with you, you you're you're adding you're adding more on top of it. That's why I don't with y'all.

[00:17:34]I'm so sorry.

[00:17:36]Like it's going to get to a point I like I I start breaking out in hives and like my stomach starts to hurt. Like when a broke [ __ ] enters like my vicinity.

[00:17:48]I start going crazy. Like I start like I I I I I just can't. Like no, I'm not doing all that.

[00:17:55]Do you see Princess Diana and NBA Young Do you see Princess Diana and NBA YoungBoy hanging out with each other?

[00:18:02]No, you don't. You would never.

[00:18:06]Do you see Like girl, it's just apples to hmm dragon fruits. [ __ ] like it's just like we're not in the same type of field, baby. We're not. As you guys can see, you can definitely tell that he deals with internalized racism and he just does not love himself. It was very crazy to watch because it's like damn, he didn't even specify to say some or nothing. He just said all black men is like that. And I was just like, what the hell? All I could do was laugh. And I wanted to include this cuz I feel like there's other factors that people don't necessarily talk about enough when it comes to why a black gay man would choose to not date another black gay man. Because although we just talked about environment, although we just talked about, you know, the things that we were brought up seeing and sometimes that kind of interfere with what we are attracted to, I feel like some gay black men won't date another black gay man based off their past experiences. Quick the writer, he does the podcast it's called Fact Talk with TS Madison. But they have a really great, entertaining, engaging conversations all the time. And they He actually having a conversation about interracial dating. He kind of dug into the crevices of why some gay black men choose to not date other black gay men. I'mma let you guys take a look.

[00:19:19]>> But there were a few people in the comments who were like, "Oh child, whatever. They made it. They got successful and now they're over there dating these white men. Just say you wanted to date a white man." My thing is this, I used to be lazy in my thinking, too.

[00:19:34]And think that I used to think that oh well, if they become successful, they are they are Now all of a sudden they're dating these white men because that's like a badge of honor, if you will. But the truth is that is not always the case. Sometimes sometimes, and I'm not speaking about any of those men that I just mentioned, but sometimes it's about proximity.

[00:19:55]When you get to a certain stratosphere, you know what I mean? You're in certain rooms, you're not around as many black black men, black people for that matter.

[00:20:04]>> Sometimes it might be your tax bracket.

[00:20:06]>> That's what I'm saying. And then two, sometimes when you get to those spaces, you're just too out for some black people, for some black men. There are a lot of black men that are not interested in being on in the spotlight because they're not even completely out of the closet. The third piece is in the case of those people that I mentioned, the Don Lemons, the Todrick Halls, the Billy Porters, on and on and on and on.

[00:20:37]My argument to these guys in the comments were was, "You all are acting like you're so upset but as if you would have been interested in them. You would not have been. First of all, they don't fit the archetype that most, not all, that most black gay men look for. What is it that most black gay men look for?"

[00:20:55]>> Well, no fats, no fems.

[00:20:56]>> Come on, somebody. And all of those people, except for Don Lemon, they wear makeup, they wear hair. Lil Nas X wears his makeup and hair and heels. So does Todrick, so does Billy Porter. You would not be interested in those people, so why do you give a [ __ ] that these men are dating these white men? And it's almost as if they position it like you have now robbed me of an opportunity to be in a relationship. You weren't interested. You wouldn't have been interested. If those same people were walking right here in Midtown, Atlanta, [ __ ] you would not be interested in those people because they're they're too soft, they ain't got no swag, they ain't got no body.

[00:21:29]>> Well, they The gag is they have.

[00:21:32]>> That's the point. You didn't want them when they were broken poor and and and unfamous, not famous.

[00:21:39]So, it's just like let those men go and find love outside of the community cuz you didn't want them no way.

[00:21:44]>> I was scrolling on TikTok and I ran across this TikToker by the name of Jord Hilwood. Jord Hilwood is a British podcaster and cultural commentator who talks about black identity, queer experiences, dating, relationships, and pop culture. He's best known for his podcast The Winning Side where he shares his thoughts and opinions on issues affecting black and LGBTQ+ communities.

[00:22:03]He also hosted Mangrove which explores topics like identity, mental health, and representation. But, he had this conversation where he was talking about him facing his truth on how he hated himself, how he didn't like being black, and how that kind of spilled over into his dating life.

[00:22:17]>> My preference as a young black boy was white men. This isn't the case for every black person. I was really insecure. I really didn't rate myself, right? And the only way to make that insecurity probably even worse was to be with white men. Even the thought of being with someone who looked somewhat like me or had a culture or a background like me, like genuinely like made me feel ill, you know, because I I I hated myself so much that it was just very much like, "Okay, let me get as far away as possible from what is anything like me." It was almost like whiteness was deemed as superior. It was what was desirable. And I think my um desire was apparent, you know, my uh validation was apparent. And I think when that's apparent, that's when you can be taken advantage of.

[00:23:05]>> After watching that video, I was kind of shocked because you barely see any gay black men coming out and being vulnerable and transparent and honest like that. And I actually had the honor to have a private conversation about him. Now, of course, he knows this this video is going to be out, so it's not private anymore. But, I just kind of want to throw on some clips of us having this conversation about how he felt at that time and how he was able to grow from that situation.

[00:23:28]>> that we see for like black queer people like on screens or whatnot in a couple capacity, it's always interracial. It's always slow. Do you get? And I think >> Not only interracial, though. I feel like there is a lot of white uh representation within the queer community. Like, when you go to look for movies, you see a lot of whiteness. So, for me, when I was growing up, that's all I could really watch. I didn't really see a lot of black men that was doing the queer stuff, whether it was in movies or on YouTube. Like, I could barely see it. So, do you think when it comes to your environment, are you talking about your like surroundings or what you saw?

[00:24:04]>> Both.

[00:24:05]>> Mhm.

[00:24:05]>> Yeah, I would Yeah, I would say both.

[00:24:06]Yeah. Cuz I think I think I already kind of like had like a pre-consumed thought on what was deemed as attractive or not because of who the people around me who they were dating. And then it just kind of got pushed even further.

[00:24:19]Shaking, sorry. And then it like got pushed even further when I was watching TV. You know, like when I think of like when I think of gay representation as a kid, the people that come to mind are Kurt from Glee and uh Mark from Ugly Betty. I guess Justin as well, but Mark like that wasn't until season 4.

[00:24:35]>> I was watching a video and you mentioned about your like how you was insecure about your race. Am I correct?

[00:24:41]>> Correct. I don't know. I just like I just felt like I wasn't really rated. I just felt like I just wasn't really attractive or desirable, which is crazy cuz obviously like I'm not ugly. But, like um but like when when all you have around you in your community isn't people that look like you, you don't know any different, right? And I just kind of I don't know, I guess I was trying so hard to like push so far away from what was me because there was nothing that I could relate to, you know? I think I think inevitably when you don't see people that look like you, act like you, and all of that, naturally you're going to be accustomed to gravitating to like people or whatever that is not like you because why would you if it's not projected and celebrated and empowered and liberated, why would you have an interest in it?

[00:25:30]And obviously like not every black person feels like this. I'm sure there's a lot of black people of POCs or marginalized people that think differently, but I think I don't know, I think because it was just so excessive.

[00:25:39]It was so excessive and it was just very much like, okay, let me let me get as far away as possible from anything or anyone that looks like me. But I then and I think at the time I didn't really deep it, but when obviously like with the stuff that we do, we're very like intellectual, very um knowledgeable. That's not a word.

[00:25:59]Have a heavy level of knowledge [laughter] on these.

[00:26:02]That's not that's not a word. That's not a word.

[00:26:04]>> It's okay.

[00:26:06]>> We have like a heavy like level of knowledge on these like subject matters, right? And then it made me think, oh wow, I probably like only in like the last like five or six years, I'm going to go clock it. You really really didn't rate yourself, George.

[00:26:17]>> Yes, now that was the conversation. I had an amazing time talking to him. He was very hilarious, very funny, very very very very high energy. And I just want to say George, I really do appreciate you for your love and support. And y'all please go check him out. He, like I said, he has this podcast called The Winning Side. He's very active on TikTok. He posts damn near every day. He just got back on YouTube where he's being more consistent, so y'all can check him out on here. And yeah, like just show my boy some love. He's from the UK and he's doing the damn thing. And I cannot wait to finally collaborate with him in person. So, I love you, George. And yeah, that's it. The last thing I want to talk about is the fetishization when it comes to being a black man trying to date outside of your race, right? Now, fetishization is the act of reducing a complex person, group, or object to a single characteristic, usually related to their identity or physical traits, and overvaluing or excessively sexualizing them for personal gratification. Now, when it comes to, you know, dating outside of your race, I was somebody that tried that [ __ ] years ago. And I'm not going to hold you, this person kind of ruined it for everybody at that time. Of course, I've grown and I've, you know, come to the realization that every white man is not like this, but I was engaging romantically with a white man, and he was kind of expressing his fetishes with me, like, you know, the whole black man having a BBC, and I can go on and on, but I'm not really going to get into it only because it's very inappropriate. And I'm sure a lot of black gay men could vouch when I say that.

[00:27:38]>> Eventually, we have to talk about how dangerous white gay men can be. They can be so dangerous and violent, and I would argue that they're more dangerous than white straight men can be.

[00:27:49]Honestly, because they have a proximity to innocence that they feel sometimes alleviates their responsibility to deconstruct the systems that they benefit from.

[00:27:58]And so, we have a very dangerous combination here. They are often the Karens of the queer community.

[00:28:05]But, they have all the power. Like, [ __ ] don't get changed until white gay men say it, because they are white men.

[00:28:13]They run the They They hypersexualize themselves. They hypersexualize black people. BBC, black men, BBC. Like, all of those All of those tropes, that's from white gay men.

[00:28:26]The porn industry, white gay men as predators, older white gay men who are in the industry and also probably Zionists. Musical theater is a white gay man's medium.

[00:28:38]And they're full of Zionists. The great white gays, am I the only one? Some of the most violent things that have ever been said or done to me have been said or done to me by white gay men.

[00:28:49]Happy Pride.

[00:28:49]>> I think black people sometimes get sexualized by people who aren't POC because they think it's like taboo and like kind of like dirty and like it's a classist thing. Like oh, I'm rich and I'm white and I can just get the bad thug black guy. But you're also fetishizing his body and but then also say he's inferior to you.

[00:29:09]But the thing about it is you know he looks good. So it's like you know he looks good, but you also kind of hate that you're doing it, but you kind of love it too because you feel like you're getting dominated and you feel like you're on top. So you want somebody that you think is lower class to dominate you for with some for some weird kink. Like it's like the look, the dick size, and then the class. Like you know what I mean? You know what I'm trying to say?

[00:29:31]Because it's like when people fetishize homeless. Like people fetishize homeless because they think they're like dirtier and like it's like the allure like the power of it all just like this submission to somebody.

[00:29:41]>> I've been sitting with something heavy and this isn't just me. I think it relates to other black queer men.

[00:29:48]Why don't black men love other black men? And this might ruffle some feathers, but I am talking about dating preferences. I'm talking about something deeper that has been conditioned. When I look around from coast to coast, from New York to San Francisco to Oregon, I am seeing a pattern. Black men are overlooked by their own. We deserve to be desired, to be chosen, not just tolerated, but loved and seen. And that type of love needs to exist outside of fetish.

[00:30:18]Because being wanted for your body, your masculinity, your edge, that's not intimacy. That's consumption. And when we are desired, it's often through a lens that is erasing the qualities that make us complex. So yes, this is about dating preferences.

[00:30:37]>> Where did this preference come from? Who taught us that masculinity, proximity to whiteness, possessing European features equals value. Who taught us to fear loving someone who reflects our own values? And that also goes for our own wounds. Now, to be clear, this is not a pick-me post. I'm not trying to be everybody's type because I'm not. I am asking to be seen fully, tenderly, and intentionally. And just by the amount of responses I got in my last post about being someone who happens to be black and of the community, I know I'm not alone in this. So, yeah, let's talk about it. Let's name it. Let's heal it. Because if I'm being real, black queer love should not be rare.

[00:31:24]It should be revolutionary.

[00:31:26]>> I don't think that black queer love is rare, but I do think it's rare a lot of times in terms of like your relationship lasting long. But, I kind of want to piggyback on what he said. It's based off of location cuz I'm from North Carolina. I live out here, and I don't ever see the problem of black gay men liking other black gay men. I'm from the South, so we love each other down here.

[00:31:48]We do. But, maybe you would just have to move around. Maybe that could make your dating life a lot better.

[00:31:53]>> Here's a personal dating complaint that I'm having. I really hate when I'm talking to a white man, and I can tell by the way that he is talking to me, the things that are important to him, the things that he thinks that I'm going to agree with him on.

[00:32:12]I can tell that if I were not white, he would not be interested in me.

[00:32:19]If I were black or brown, invisible.

[00:32:24]I just know it. I can feel it. I can feel it in the conversation. I can feel it in the way that he is and the things that he believes.

[00:32:35]I [ __ ] hate that. Oh my god. Anytime I ever hear of somebody who isn't white in America because I think the the country cultural context is important with this conversation cuz it doesn't play out quite the same in other places in the world. When I hear that they have hesitations about dating white people, whether they be white men or white women, I get it. Because god [ __ ] damn it, the thing >> I really appreciate uh white men coming out and speaking on this because this is exactly what me and George talked about in that video chat cuz he asked me, "What's your preference? Would you date outside of your race?" And I basically told him that my preference is dating my own kind. However, I'm not against dating outside of my race. Like if a person just happen if I happen to just like a person and they're white or non-black, I'm going to go all full fledged. Why the [ __ ] not? However, I'm not hesitant, but it's certain things that we would just have to be on the same page about. Like for instance, if you're somebody that's white, right? Not only would you have to understand everything about me being a black man, my culture, and all of that [ __ ] but your family going to have to be on the same page, too, because I'm very family-oriented. And I would hate to be around your family and I feel like things just don't align or I feel like I'm out of place or [ __ ] is awkward all the damn time. Like I would just not want to do that because let's be very honest, a lot of black people that experience dating interracially, I'm pretty sure a lot of them can vouch that they've been in awkward situations when it comes to dealing with their partner's families due to the whole race thing.

[00:34:07]>> White men, white people in general, not even just in the dating context, the things that white people say to other white people that they think I'm going to [ __ ] agree with them on is like shocking.

[00:34:25]Or maybe it's not. Maybe it's not shocking. But I get real tired of it sometimes.

[00:34:33]And by that I mean all the [ __ ] time.

[00:34:36]Y'all really make me not want to ever >> [laughter] >> People are so intent on keeping me inside my apartment alone all day because it's just not worth it. But yes, y'all this will conclude the video. I have a long list of videos coming.

[00:34:54]Hopefully y'all can see Y'all can't see [ __ ] But I got a whole I got a whole list of stuff coming. I've been writing down stuff on what I got coming up for you guys. So please stay tuned. I love you guys and I'll see you in my next video. Bye.