Making the Worst Mentor Possible

[00:00:00]Every story needs a mentor to explain the plot and worldbuilding to our helpless, self-insert protagonist.

[00:00:06]Mentors are a core part of many fictional stories. And today, we're going to be talking about how to write them in one of the ways of all time.

[00:00:13]Since a good protagonist always starts their story as an idiot who's lived under a rock for the entirety of their life, and they tend to know no more about the world they actually live in than the audience reading about it, mentors are crucial for showing our protagonist and audience how it's done.

[00:00:28]And just at the time our self-insert protagonist finally figures out what he's doing, bam, the mentor dies falling down the stairs. But we're getting a little ahead of ourselves here. First, we need to figure out who our mentor is and who he'll actually be mentoring. I think we'll be allowing for the grand reappearance of Wizard the Wise from the protagonist video, as Wizard the Wise is the wisest wizard to ever be wise. In order to be cool enough that he's allowed to even step foot near our protagonist, we do need to figure out why he's such a great wizard, yet not a good enough one to actually defeat the antagonist of the story. So, why is he the greatest wizard? Because he has a long beard and a pointy hat. Old people are wrinkly and gross, so he's the only one we'll be writing in this story. And that means he's basically a great wizard by virtue of being like 75, which admittedly in a medieval setting without modern medicine might actually be quite an achievement. But uh yeah, everyone basically gets cool wizard powers at 75, right? It's important to remember that any attention we put on the mentor is attention not being put on our protagonist and is therefore just short of being a waste of words. So, we don't need to worry about him otherwise. And as for why Wizard the Wise can't defeat the great evil dark lord we'll be putting him up against, well, that's because Wizard the Wise is afflicted with one of the most terminal diseases in all fiction. It's called selectivist pacifismitis. [music] This tragic and debilitating disease results in characters who will with a smile and a laugh slaughter hundreds or even thousands of no-name grunt soldiers working for the dark lord alongside all sorts of other nuwells and cretins who stand in their path. But when it comes to putting down a dark lord personally responsible for throwing people into a comically large blender, they just can't do it. Wizard was diagnosed with a disease at age 10 and has never recovered from it since. As a result of this tragic condition, he will be unable to save the day himself. And if we're not careful, there will actually be a risk of crosscontamination and the protagonist might catch that disease as well. We can't have that. And so we're going to have to be sure to kill off Wizard of the Wise pretty early, him being a mentor and all. But we do have a slight problem in the subject of his pupil. Jthalamu the bold, the lionhearted, the slayer of dragons and all my detractors online is a little beyond Wizard the Wise's ability to help. Because Jthalamu is just that powerful. But if I remember correctly, all Wizard the Wise really did with him was give Jiththalamu a prophecy. So after that, he could have gone to actually mentor our new protagonist in need, Fio Under Rock. Fio Underrock is a literal caveman who doesn't know how to count past three and doesn't know enough about the scale of the world to even be as uneducated as a flatearther. So Wizard the Wise has his work cut out for him. Why is Wizard the Wise bothering with Fio under rock? Because the plot told him to. But we can't say that. And he has actually already given a prophecy about something. So, we need to find a new stock trope to pull from out of a hat to give his character something resembling a motive. I know Fio will remind Wizard the Wise of his dead son, who we won't name because he isn't actually important except for this plot point, as Wizard the Wise is actually completely unaffected by his own son's death. Him being affected by it or in general being his own character would require us taking attention off of our protagonist, and that's not acceptable.

[00:03:52]Now, you might wonder what about Fio, freak of nature that he is, could possibly remind Wizard of anyone he was related to. But the answer can be found in the fact that Wizard the Wise, while on a [clears throat] mage dust binge, dropped his unnamed son on his head. The result was a son who might have looked something like Fio now does had he made it into adulthood. But the important thing to remember about this backstory is that it isn't cool training sequences nor killing things with swords. So, we're going to have to say exactly one line about this, if that, and then move on, because character work is nothing in the face of aura farming, as we all should remember. Before any of that, however, we do need these two to actually meet one another. We can set up a pretty simple scene for that. So, while Fio is sitting at the riverside catching fish with his bare hands and eating them raw, Wizard the Wise is wandering the woods. He stops to take a leak and there it is. Imagine the shot with me now in the movie adaptation. A zoomin, triumphant music, the sun shining on Fio and his glorious underbite. That is the man who will save the world. Wizard the wise thinks. He approaches, wizardly staff in hand, and says to Fio, "I choose you.

[00:05:11]Long story short, you're the chosen one." Fio, who's very slightly frothing at the mouth, then attempts to kill an eat wizard, but will cut away before he gets the opportunity and flash forward to one of the earlier training montages.

[00:05:25]And that gives us an excuse to talk about those because really mentors are just facilitators for training montages when you really think about it. As stated already, Fio has a lot of work cut out for him. However, the only cool parts are him getting stronger and better at fighting, maybe even learning some magic. So, we'll show some of that stuff, but he'll also inexplicably be able to read and talk coherently, almost by the end of it. He might have started in a comparable state to Leatherface, but all it takes is one montage for him to become a true hero. What we can't skip over in a montage, however, is Wizard the Wise explaining every single minute point of my extensive worldbuilding to Fulio. If anything, he only taught Fulio how to read and understand complex communicated thoughts offcreen just so he could sit there silently and be talked out for about 30 to 40 pages. It's a full history 101 class. Basically, only about 5% of which will ever be referenced again, 1% of which will ever actually be relevant, and 0% of which anybody other than Wizard is going to remember after the scene ends. This especially being the case because the big bad foolio has to kill is Dracon willil Killia the acid spitting dragon of death mountain. Did we need the 15 pages on political intrigues from the land of where in the south here? Was that part even interesting? Yes. No. And without that Fio would never have stood a chance. But by the time we've gotten to this stage we need to think about where we take our mentor from this point. He's already served a use in the story. And the story here really is Fios after all. And so we would be well within our rights to take Wizard out back and shoot him like a lame horse. And honestly, that's probably what he'd have preferred given what we'll maybe end up doing to him instead. But unfortunately for him, we've got more plans for Old Wizard the Wise. As you might know from many popular multi-entry series, the key to good writing is to never kill any important characters nor change the status quo so that the same story can be repeated at infinitum. And so this purgatory known as the kingdom of King Ia will be Wizard's home forever more.

[00:07:32]Or maybe we will still kill him. Who knows? But now that he's done his requisite info dump, Wizard the Wise can comfortably slide into the position of plot device where whenever Fio is too stupid to figure something out, Wizard comes in and does it for him. This will not lead to questions about why Wizard isn't solving the rest of the plot himself. I think that honestly the best thing we could do with Wizard the Wise is to then make him like Fee from Skyward Sword, a font of useful and always ask for information who will speak up whenever asked or not asked for. If our protagonist struggles for even a second, which let's be real, he won't because struggling is lame. Wizard the Wise will pop in to explain cryptically exactly how to get out of the situation. Then when that is done, he can disappear back into Fio's sword or whatever, or I'll just forget that Wizard exists for a few chapters.

[00:08:20]Otherwise, he'll be off huffing mage dust in the corner and giving great pieces of advice to Fio Underrock. Such advice will be things like, "It's only a war crime if someone catches you in the act," and "They can't prove you did anything if they don't find the body," and other such words of wisdom. Some people might say that at times it is the role of a mentor figure to intervene if the protagonist starts to go astray, to lose the plot, or forget the purpose or ethics they're supposed to be upholding during the advancement of their plot.

[00:08:50]I'd say that's lame. If Fulio thinks the right move is burning down that orphanage, Wizard the Wise will be right there to cheer him on. Remember that conflict, especially between protagonistic figures, is bad, [music] and fighting makes people uncomfortable and sad. And so, there should never be any clashing of personalities between our band of heroes. Good bands of heroes are like a dictatorship really where the main protagonist at the center of it dictates the thoughts and feelings of everyone within the band of heroes and they listen with smiles and nods. What is the decades of knowledge wizard the wise has gathered in the face of being the audience standin selfinsert protagonist? And if there ever should come a time when there is discord between the mentor and the protagonist, it's important to remember that it is the mentor's diluted old ways that ensures they are always wrong and underestimated just how much youthful energy and plot armor the protagonist has. This also makes writing a mentor a lot easier. If they're simply wrong most of the time, then I never need to think of actual counterpoints to the arguments the protagonist makes. The protagonist's arguments are my arguments and therefore correct. And so how could Wizard the Wise have ever been correct? He couldn't. Now you and I, we can tell Wizard is soon to outlive his usefulness. But we do have a brief discussion to have about his power level first. The most important thing about a mentor's power level is to ensure that there is a requisite amount of explosions and fireballs being cast by the good guys until the protagonist learns how to do so himself better. Our audience members are like moths. We need someone to be making bright lights and loud noises or they'll start drooling and staring off into space. That transforms into Wizard the Wise. And it pains me greatly to say it. Being more powerful than our protagonist. But it's okay. It's okay. It'll only be for a little bit. We can still have our power fantasy for our selfinsert protagonist.

[00:10:43]I promise. Look, if there's anything to understand about our mentor, it's that he's old and lame. So, we really need to minimize the amount of time that he spends doing cool things. But if he isn't doing cool things early in the story, nobody is. That's why we'll still kill him eventually. Of course, for the crime of doing cool things while not being the protagonist, the actual power level Wizard the Wise will display here isn't important because he still isn't a real character with hopes and aspirations, nor any history other than dropping his son on his head while zooted on mage dust. He is just a standin for granting the protagonist powers. For that reason, whatever he does does not have to be consistent with what the protagonist will be able to do later on. He can just kind of kill enemies early on. Maybe we'll have him pull out a 1911 and just start shooting those level one goblins until the training montage is finished. Who really cares? All of this leadup, this floundering in figuring out what to do with Wizard the Wise is because the truth is the mentor is your first and best opportunity to get in a dramatic character death that nobody will see coming. A mentor basically is their death. And so that's what the rest of this discussion is about. So, while I really do like that idea of just taking Wizard out back and shooting him before telling Fulio that old Wizard the Wise went to go live out on a farm in the countryside, or maybe just letting Wizard fall down a flight of stairs, we do need to squeeze a little bit of drama out of it. So, picture it with me now.

[00:12:11]Wizard and Fio are going to fight Stinkis Two Tooth, the great and mighty ogre warlord of West Central Evilia.

[00:12:19]Just before the battle, Wizard the Wise says the following to Fulio. after this fight, but not before it. I am going to tell you something very important, lifechangingly important actually, but I won't tell you before we get out of that fight alive."

[00:12:35]He then adds on, "I also retire in 2 weeks and can't wait to get home and relax for the rest of my days." He pauses, "Thanks, and then also says, "And I am glad to be your friend, Fio, and shall be forever more." Then they advance forward and do battle with the great Stinkis. After a long and difficult duel, Stinkis casts his mighty war club forward and Wizard dives with all the might contained in his septtogenarian knees in front of Fio to catch the blow. He does and is crushed against the mountain side, folded like a lung chair, back and ribs broken, almost pancked, pretty clearly dead instantly.

[00:13:14]Or he would be if logic was a defining motive force in this world. Anyway, Fulio then effortlessly lifts up stinkest two tooth with one hand and breaks his spine Bane style. One might wonder why he couldn't have just done that all of 10 seconds ago or even just opened the whole battle with that, but you just don't understand story structure. Fio then rushes over to Wizard the Wise, tears running down his cheeks and kneels at his side. Wizard, still crushed like a soda can in a hydraulic press, flutters open his eyes and leans into Fio, putting his hand, or what's left of it, I guess, on Fio shoulder. Son, he says, there's one thing I must tell you. He then sits silently for a good 30 seconds while Fio stares at him with expectant eyes. Once wizard has waited the requisite time to ensure he can't finish speaking, he says, "If you want to defeat the great dragon, you must know."

[00:14:14]And there he dies. QR mandatory no from Fio. And we've just written ourselves the most traumatic death since Achilles. Thanks to our hard work in making it as unpredictable as possible, the audience will be totally taken aback and left with no option but to burst into tears at the passing of one of the greatest characters ever written. Yet, I've realized something, a great problem. Fio is our protagonist, our self-insert protagonist, as all must be.

[00:14:43]And Fio cried. That means I would cry.

[00:14:46]And our audience can't know that. I'm the coolest guy to have ever been cool after all. And cool guys don't cry just as much as they don't look at explosions. And so we must scrap the last little bit of that death scene and rewrite it to say there is one last thing I must tell you. I am evil.

[00:15:07]Oh. And then he dies. What does him being evil even mean in this context?

[00:15:13][music] That he was bad and deserved it. The only reason you haven't seen him being evil yet is because your small mind cannot conceive of the fact that he was leading Fio up to the great dragon this whole time just so he'll get eaten. With that part of the story fixed, Fio can still scream, "No."

[00:15:32]But now, in righteous indignation at this horrid betrayal. And with that, we have the perfect end to our mentor.

[00:15:39]Still useful in his exposition dump.

[00:15:41]still did a little bit of cool explosions and fireballs before Fio learned how to and we even managed to extract all of the emotions that could have possibly been felt at his death.

[00:15:52]Perfect keynote. And with that, hopefully you have learned a thing or two about writing mentors the way.

[00:15:59]Anyway, if this sounds like a place you want to be, we have a Discord if you want to hang out with my editor and I and a Patreon if you're crazy enough to want where we post all our videos early.

[00:16:06]As we close out, I'd like to thank those patrons of ours, Sonnie, Isaac, Parrot, Raymond, Don, Sodico, Cavalier, Sazabby, Shield, Fenya, and Michelle of the Knights of the Inner Circle. [music] Von and Jodon, Void, our Knights, and Greer, T Craig, Victoria, Lauren, Noah, Saint [music] Nicholas, and Jou are loyal squires. And remember, if you do kill off your mentor, there is much still to be done in your protagonist's reflections [music] on their influence.

[00:16:30]Maybe they weren't evil. Maybe they were. But often such characters outlive their actual time on the page [music] through their impact on the protagonist and the others they've taught. Like a spectre, they hang over the story [music] forever more.