35 Years of Work Gone in 1 Year in the Philippines... And He Want's To Go Back 🇵🇭

Added: 2026-05-27

[00:00:00]Hey everyone, welcome to Let's Talk Philippines. My name is John. Today's story is about a man who says he didn't really know what he was doing when he lost all his money in the Philippines, but he's saying he's hoping to go back to the Philippines soon for another go.

[00:00:13]Don't forget to subscribe to the channel if you haven't already. Give the video a like and let's get in to today's story.

[00:00:20]I spend a lot of time contemplating what happened to me in the Philippines and how quickly things went from being so good to being so bad.

[00:00:27]I'd gotten to the age of 50 or round about in 2020 when CO was starting to hit harder than ever and when I came to the conclusion that if I didn't retire overseas, I would never be able to retire.

[00:00:40]The thought of working myself to an early grave was a thought that I couldn't bear thinking about. And it was because of that that I decided that the Philippines could be a place that could fix the problems I had. See me retiring now as opposed to in 15 years time and give me the chance to enjoy myself for a change. because enjoying myself was something that I didn't often do.

[00:01:01]I was single at the time, miserable, lonely, and locked down in a place where I felt I didn't fit in anymore. I always felt I fit in at home, though it was the restrictions placed upon me that made me decide that I didn't belong there. I was all for just letting people do as they please during CO. If you want to take the risk, take it. If you don't, don't.

[00:01:21]Though, it didn't work like that. and I felt like I needed to get out of that situation and get out of the country.

[00:01:27]I suppose I kind of justified to myself an early retirement, even though perhaps I didn't have quite enough money to be able to do that. 2020, 50 years old, I had $200,000, just under, in fact. That was everything I had in the world.

[00:01:43]Everything I'd saved ever since I started working at the age of 16.

[00:01:47]Everything that I'd given my life for in a way.

[00:01:51]I never owned a home in my life. I rented a place and I would look out and see a house for sale opposite the way, look online to see how much it was going for, then work out how a house like that could even be worth 15 years of an average person's working life.

[00:02:07]How can a bit of property with some bricks, some wood, driveway, and whatever else is in it? How can that be worth decades of people's lives? You start to think that people aren't valued the way they should be. you start to think people aren't respected the way they should be. It was those feelings that I was having that drove me to the conclusion that although I was working from home because I didn't have a choice to do that, I knew I needed to get away.

[00:02:31]I knew I needed to retire and enjoy myself because I valued myself more than I valued what I was able to earn.

[00:02:39]Apparently, according to everything that I'd read online, all the guys that made videos about the Philippines, everything pointed towards the fact that you could live a great life for cheap in the Philippines. You can be retired, you can just live, you can exist, you can take on board new experiences, you can see different things, you can mix with different people. Also, you could find a girl who's attractive, who's attentive, who's beautiful, and who wants you, not what you can give. That was a mistake straight away, though I didn't know it was because I suppose I was always looking for content that was positive.

[00:03:14]I was always looking for something to reaffirm what I wanted, looking for something that would give me what I wanted. And anytime I came across something that was negative, anytime I came across something that was telling me to be careful or telling me what I was doing was stupid or what I was thinking was stupid because I wasn't even doing it yet, I would always say, "Well, I'm different. That's not me. I'm not going to lose my money because I know what I'm doing.

[00:03:39]I suppose that's why guys fall for things. That's why guys still do stupid things because all they understand that bad things happen to many people and bad things will continue to happen to many people. They always think, well, it's not me. That's not going to be me. So, I didn't think it was going to be me either.

[00:03:57]As the months are going by during 2020, the more I'm coming to the conclusion that as soon as I'm able to go to the Philippines, I'm going to go. I'm going to retire and I'm going to enjoy my life. I'd earned it. I believed. Some people will probably say that you didn't earn it because he didn't have enough money. Though I'd worked, I tried my best. And of course, my best wasn't good enough. But everyone's best can't be good enough because everybody can't have what they want, otherwise there wouldn't be enough available.

[00:04:24]So, I wasn't lucky. Let's put it at that. I had no luck in life. The Philippines was going to be where that changed. I continued working at home throughout CO, waiting for the moment when I could get to the Philippines, and I actually didn't go when they opened straight away. I was promoted at work, which kind of let me do that for a bit longer when perhaps I didn't really want to. I snapped out of that quite quickly, though, and I retired for good halfway through 2022.

[00:04:51]This is all still fresh in my memory now. It's not that long ago.

[00:04:55]I retired and I was just going to go to the Philippines. It was already planned.

[00:04:59]Everything was set in stone. Everything was firm. I wanted to go more than anywhere to Angelie City. From what I'd read, that was a place where you could meet the most beautiful girls, could meet girls that wanted guys like me, and I knew that it was a sort of place where guys went for fun, though you could also find something serious there. I suppose a few people are shaking their heads as they're hearing that. Even still, that's what I was interested in and what I wanted. If that's what I wanted to do based on what I thought I understood and what I thought I knew, that's exactly what I would do.

[00:05:31]I'd never been to the Philippines before, though I'd already determined it was going to be the place that I could live. I'd never been to Asia before, never been to Europe before, never been to many places, but I was so convinced that the Philippines was going to give me what I wanted. Not only that, give me what I needed, that there was no point me trying to do anything else or come up with anything else. It was already decided.

[00:05:54]I'd arranged a plane ticket to the Philippines and transport from the airport in Manila to Angelic Cinti. I wanted to get straight there. I'd heard a few guys talking about Manila and how you should spend time there and experience that. Though that wasn't really what I was at at that time. I was Angelie City. That's who I was. I felt like it defined who I was even though I'd never been because I'd spent so much time reading about it, so much time investigating things. And I suppose I was living the Philippines for a few years before I even arrived. I was living it in the things that I consumed, the things that I watched, and the things that I did. It was very exciting to actually get there and not be disappointed with what I saw, not be shocked that it wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be. It was nothing like that at all. It was just what I felt, the perfect place where nowhere else could come close.

[00:06:42]From arriving in Manila to getting on the bus outside the airport and all the sights out of the window as you're going up north into Angelie City, getting on the highway, it's an experience like I can never describe.

[00:06:54]I'd watched videos of guys getting the bus from Manila to Angel. And some people say that it's not as good as doing it in person, and it's not. Some people say the alternative to that is you've already seen it. You've already witnessed it. I can promise you though that watching a video about it and actually doing it in person are two very different things.

[00:07:12]When you're watching it, you don't feel it. And feeling is 99% of it. So don't let it put you off. If you hear someone say, "You've seen it on the video, so there's no point going." Don't let that put you off. I have to repeat that. But I suppose you shouldn't be taking any advice from me, given the fact that I was probably the perfect person who shouldn't be going to the Philippines.

[00:07:33]As I'd already said, I was convinced that I wasn't going to do anything stupid. I was convinced I was different.

[00:07:39]I was convinced I was going to be sensible and careful and never do anything wrong. I suppose everyone says the same thing.

[00:07:46]I was worn out by the time I got to Angel, and I just crashed in the hotel I'd booked. It was about 400 yd away from Fields Avenue, and although I'd seen a few pictures of it, I perhaps didn't choose very carefully because it was a dive. I was so tired I crashed.

[00:08:01]I'd only paid for a few days, though I checked out the next day and walked around looking for somewhere else.

[00:08:06]That was my first time on the ground walking in the Philippines. I had a huge bag with me which contained all the stuff that I had, a backpack with my laptop in it, and I was just shocked by everything I was seeing around me. First time noticing some of the most beautiful girls you'd ever see walking around, and I managed to lug my bag to this hotel that looked a bit more reasonable.

[00:08:25]Checked in, paid for a week, and that was more like it. Then I just left the hotel without the bags, feeling a bit more comfortable that I didn't have everything with me. much more able to actually take in the things I was seeing. I mean, I was taking them in before, though this was something else.

[00:08:40]The hotel I stayed at this time was very close to this local Filipino place which served food kind of. The food was out front and you chose what you wanted and based on things I'd heard guys talking about that Philippines food was delicious and cheap. I thought I'm hungry. This could be my first experience trying the local food. I walked in, pointed out what I wanted, they served it to me, and I went to sit down at one of the tables. Inside, it was open air. You could see outside to the street in front. There was no enclosure. It was sort of that kind of space. Basically, a makeshift shack. I took my first bite of the food, and I had to try pretty hard not to spit it out again. It was revolting. I'd never tasted something as bad in my life, so I probably thought I selected a bad dish.

[00:09:22]I went back up and chose something else, though, that was equally as foul, and I couldn't eat it.

[00:09:28]I just told them I was trying it because I wanted to try a few different things.

[00:09:31]I even told them I was only in the Philippines for a short amount of time and I wanted to try lots of different things and it was nothing to do with the food. I left feeling quite guilty that I'd wasted food because wasting food was something that I'd never done. I'd always hated doing it, but the food was vile, so it was a bad experience.

[00:09:49]I walked a bit further and saw another restaurant that looked a little bit more up market, though still quite similar.

[00:09:55]That was local Filipino as well. went in, tried a few dishes, and again, the worst food I'd ever tasted in my life.

[00:10:02]Then I start remembering things that I'd read online when people are talking about how bad the food in the Philippines is. Though I wasn't paying any attention to them, I was only paying attention to the guys that said the food in the Philippines was delicious, saying that the food in the Philippines was cheap and some of the best food they'd had. Those are the guys I was listening to. I chose to ignore the guys telling the truth and chose to believe the guys who were either telling their own version of the truth or kind of pushing the truth a little bit further than it should have been pushed because nobody could have liked it if you came from the west.

[00:10:32]I ended up walking up to Walking Street actually and although I knew that's where the bars were and I couldn't wait to go and see them, we were already in the afternoon at this point and I was already being accosted by girls on the street and it was fun. I enjoyed it. One girl grabbed me and I loved it. Though I was starving and I knew there was a little restaurant down that street, so that's where I went. Ended up with a burger, which was more like it. Not the greatest burger I'd had, but yeah, more like it. Although I'm disappointed with the local food, and the burger was okay, not great. I'm not there for the food.

[00:11:04]I'm there for the experience. I'm there to never work again. I'm there to live a great life and retire. So, I didn't really care too much about that. I thought once I'm finally settled into a place and I'm living in a place, I'll be able to cook my own food if I need to.

[00:11:17]I'll be able to go shopping to the grocery store and buy what I need. It didn't really phase me too much.

[00:11:24]I was still angry at the guys who said food in the Philippines was good though because, well, they were lying basically. It didn't matter though, I suppose. But they were lying.

[00:11:32]I felt better after having something to eat and then walked into the first bar right next to the restaurant and that was as described by the guys who described it like a paradise. It was everything you'd want it to be and then some. Your wildest expectations times a million. Unfortunately, I don't really remember what much of what happened after that. Apart from I do remember waking up the following morning with the worst hangover I'd had. This beautiful Filipina girl next to me. Though I wasn't in the hotel that I got and checked into and paid for the night before. I was in a worse hotel. I didn't know where I was whatsoever.

[00:12:05]I got up. Well, couldn't stay up. I had to walk outside and look for a pharmacy.

[00:12:09]Got some strong painkillers. Can't remember which ones I bought. Got some water, went back, downed the water, took the medicine, and a few hours later, woke up, still feeling dreadful, though a little bit better.

[00:12:20]She was still asleep. I asked her where we were again. I had no idea. She just said we're in a hotel on the other side of Walking Street to where I stayed before. Must have had a great time. I mean, I must have done, though I didn't remember it, and that was disappointing, not remembering my first night there. I tried to promise myself next time you would go out which was going to be that night don't go as wild because you want to remember it. I don't know what I did that night before. I could have done anything. Could have been stupid and done things that were dangerous. Who knows? But I promised myself I wouldn't do that again. I need to be honest though and say I wasn't there to live the night life side of things all the time or daily even. I wasn't there for that. I was there to retire. I was there to enjoy myself for a week or so. Then I was there to meet someone and build a life with somebody in retirement.

[00:13:04]Someone who I never had the chance to have at home, who would look up to me in a way and never give me problems and never give me anything to worry about, never give me anything to feel bad about. That's what I was there for. The bars were just there for me to experience and enjoy for a week, not to go wild in. It's important to say I did a go out the night after. And I remember it. I remember meeting this beautiful girl, going for something to eat with her, and just having the time of my life. I did that for a few more nights.

[00:13:31]Still great, still amazing. I was starting to picture myself living with and spending time with all the girls I was meeting. I could have seen myself spending the rest of my life with all these different girls. As stupid as you may think that is. I just felt like the girls there were girls of course, real human girls. Yes. Though I thought they were more akin to if you would like to say they want to be with you and it was my choice and you're never going to give problems for the person like me because I'm not from there. I'm from a better place. Better is relative. Better in the sense of it having more things and more opportunity. Therefore, you're going to look up to me. That's what I always thought. Again, the information I got online was very one-sided. That's what guys said it was like. Though, were they lying? I don't know.

[00:14:13]I was taking information from people who were lying, I suppose, and taking it as real. Anytime I came across information that might have been accurate or true or correct, I would take that and turn my nose up as it as if to say, "These guys are wrong and lying." So, I got it the wrong way round.

[00:14:29]The next night, can't remember which night it was, I met a girl yet again, just the same, though I did feel like she was really beautiful. She was 21 years old, really, really beautiful face and body, and it was just the way she carried herself on the stage. When I saw her, it was like she was reing in the fact that people were looking at her and looking up to her, though not looking up to her like she would look up to me, I thought. As soon as I walked in, she had her eyes locked on me. There weren't many other guys in there, so it's not like she had many people to look at.

[00:14:58]Though her eyes were locked on mine, and I kept turning away and trying to pretend I wasn't looking and I wasn't interested. Then I'd look back and she'd still be staring at me with this cheeky smile on her face as if to say, I could make your life better. That's how I read it. I could make your life better.

[00:15:14]Before long, after I'd had a drink and ordered the second one, I decided I'm going to have to go for it. I'm going to have to ask her to come and sit next to me, which she did.

[00:15:22]From there, things just moved extremely fast. I don't know how many people will actually grasp this because it's very difficult. Though, in a way, I felt like I was making up for lost time. That first week in the Philippines, I felt like I was living the life I'd never had a chance to live before. I felt like that first week, I'd crammed into that week years worth of experiences and years worth of fun and years worth of, you know, being the guy I thought I was.

[00:15:45]Then I met her. It was like, now it's finally time to settle down. Although I'd crammed into all that into the space of one week, it felt like I'd been doing it for years. At this point, I felt like I was an old hand, like I knew what I was doing, like I fit in straight away, like I was the pinnacle of Philippines expats. Everything I'd read about and everything I'd done pointed to the fact that I was doing was the right thing, and everything was great.

[00:16:10]With her, things just moved extremely fast. spent the night together and the next day together and the next night together. And before long, because it was costing me quite a lot of money, I said to her based on the information I'd read online and what guy said, I told her, "I'm happy to give you some money if you want to stay with me. I can give you $100 a month and I'll pay for everything else." I thought she was going to bite my hand off and say, "Thank you very much. I can't believe you've offered that. That's the best thing I've ever heard." Again, I'd read online that that was possible. $100 a month is more than enough, I was told.

[00:16:42]She looked like, "Do you mean $100 a week?" I could see that she was really serious and I could see that she was interested in me or I thought she was interested in me. I thought she was actually looking up to me. Like I said, I thought she saw things in me that she wished she was and she wished her family was and she wanted to latch on to me and not take advantage of me, but allow me to be the boss and the guy in the relationship.

[00:17:03]I knew that she was serious when she said that though, and I said yes, $100 a week, and she said, "Okay."

[00:17:08]The thing that is very important to say, it's not like I was in a transactional conversation where you go into a shop and you're bering over the price of a pack of eggs or whatever. It wasn't like that. It was like a romantic where lying down in the bed and she's got her head on my shoulder and it's a gentle conversation. When I said $100 a month, she looked at me and I could see that she was serious. Though she was smiling like, "Oh, I can't believe you've just said that." Honestly, thinking that she'd heard a week, not a month. I don't know. I'm just believing everything I'm seeing and I'm taking on board everything I'm seeing and seeing it in the way that I want to see it.

[00:17:42]Anyone looking back at that could have seen it for what it was. I probably could have seen it for what it was, though I didn't want it to be what it was. I wanted it to be what I needed it to be. And that's the thing that's very important. I wanted it to be what I wanted it to be so much that I overlooked the fact that it probably wasn't that at all.

[00:18:00]After a week in the Philippines, I already had a fantastic time. had already met my now girlfriend. I was giving her $100 a week, probably $400 a month. I think we settled on. And I even agreed to give her an advance for a year up front because she said that would help out. And if I could do that, she'd be very happy. So, I gave her that as an advance, and she helped me to find a place to live. Found a great little one-bedroom apartment that was about $400 a month. And I believed I'd already set myself up. Not even been there for 2 weeks. And I was already set up, already living life, already got a girlfriend, already got somewhere to live. and I was well on the way. Unfortunately though, I didn't see it for what it was. I mean, looking back, I might have done, though, I just didn't want to believe it. I chose to believe that she loved me more than life itself because I started to love her more than life itself. I chose to believe that my happiness was more important to her than her own happiness.

[00:18:51]I saw and believed and wanted to believe that she would do and how she would behave and how she made me feel was more important than how it made her feel.

[00:18:59]That's what I honestly believed. And I don't know if I did or not. That's the thing. I'm being very contradictory here in a way, though I'm not meaning to be.

[00:19:07]I'm meaning to just be honest about things, the position I had, because thinking about it in the way that it actually was, it wouldn't have been fun, would it? It wouldn't have been the same. It wouldn't have been as exciting.

[00:19:17]It wouldn't have been what I needed it to be or wanted it to be or anything close. It was a lot more I don't know.

[00:19:24]If I allowed myself to believe it the way I wanted it to be, then it would work and I could be happy. And I think that's the thing. About a week after we moved into the place, she said, "Have I ever been to the beach in the Philippines before?" I said, "No, I haven't, though I'd like to go at some point." I wasn't wanting to go soon because I had a limited budget. But she said, "Why don't we go to Borakai? It's a very beautiful island." And I didn't stop to think, "Well, no, that's not part of the budget." I just said, "Yes, that sounds great." She said she knows a very nice hotel there. She said she'd been before. What I should have thought is, well, she's been to Borakai before.

[00:19:56]She's 21 years old and she's working like this. Okay, she's probably been with another guy. I should have thought that. But I thought, oh, perhaps she went when she was a little girl with her family, not knowing that something like that wouldn't be possible in the Philippines for a girl like her. If it was possible for a girl like her, she wouldn't be with me. But I just thought yes, I would love to go. I allowed her to arrange everything, and she did a great job of it. Though before we even arrived, I'd spent about $3,000 just on hotels and transportation. Again, I wasn't looking at things and watching what she was doing. I was just believing everything that she was doing was real and true and whatever you wanted to. She probably was taking advantage of me. Of course she was. Though at the time I didn't know. We got there and well she said we need to pay extra for this and we need to do that and we were having a great time and she was behaving exactly like I wanted and needed her to behave.

[00:20:46]She was really provocative and she was just I don't know exactly how I can describe this because I don't want to come across as being a very crude sort of individual. I told her, you know, many of my wildest fantasies and the fact that she took that to the next level. I woke up in the middle of the night once, and I don't even want to say it because it's crude. It's not right.

[00:21:04]Let's just say she was sitting somewhere. I don't want to say that. I don't want to come across as being a very crude sort of guy. But my life was just everything like I'd always wanted it to be. Things that I'd always dreamed of happening to me were happening to me.

[00:21:15]And they were happening at such an exciting way. But when she goes back to sleep and I go back to sleep and wake up in the morning, can we go to this place for a really nice breakfast? Yes, of course we can. Can we go here for some cocktails? Of course we can. Can we go for a delicious meal in the evening?

[00:21:30]Yes, of course we can. Can we go on a boat excursion? Yes, we can do anything you want. By the time we returned to Angel, I don't know exactly how much they spent, though it was thousands and thousands of dollars. Thousands of dollars had gone out. And I didn't care because it was like a block between reality and everything else because of how great she made me feel and how amazing a time I was having. And I didn't want to not have that amazing time because it was the time of my life.

[00:21:53]It was everything I'd wanted in my life and everything I dreamed of. And it was happening right in front of me and I didn't want it to stop.

[00:22:00]Probably a month in Angel. And yeah, I spent way too much money though not crazy way too much. Probably four times more than I should have done given the budget I had. I was buying her things left, right, and center. Anything she wanted, I was buying. Not crazy things like a car yet, but if she wanted a little bit of jewelry, I was buying it.

[00:22:18]And I was just enjoying the moment so much just because of what she was doing and how great it made me feel. I was thinking about wanting to get married to her, though I felt that was a little bit too soon. But I was talking about it with her, and she said yes, she'd love to get married at some point, though, let's just stay together a bit longer first. That sounded okay to me. I was actually excited to go and see where she was from. Another month and she said she wanted to go and see some friends in Manila. And of course, she wants me to go with her. Is that okay again? I'm in such a great mood. I'm so happy. I'm having the time of my life. I said, "Yes, let's go. Shall we go on the bus?"

[00:22:51]She said, "No, let's go in a taxi." So, okay, we go in a taxi or a Grab. It was actually and we go there and we arrive in BGC. Is it okay if I choose the hotel? Yes, of course it is. That was $400 a night. It was crazy and I didn't care because while in the back of my mind it was probably this is stupid, I was with her and that's all that my mind was thinking about was the excitement.

[00:23:12]It was giving me this sense of euphoria.

[00:23:14]It was like a drug. It was like an addiction and I couldn't stop it. I just thought and I always was looking, well, you've still got this much amount of money left. You've still got this much amount of money left. You're okay for the time being. You are okay. So, let's do it. That was an expensive hotel. Then we go to a nice restaurant and a few of our friends show up and I'm paying for them. Then, you know, a few days go by and oh, there's a little bit of a problem. My friend has a problem. Is it okay if you let her borrow some money?

[00:23:40]That was a couple of thousand, maybe a bit more. Though, it wasn't like I just handed it over. It was like, don't worry, you're not going they're going to pay it back. And my friend was thankful.

[00:23:48]That's what she said. Is it okay then if she stays in the hotel with us because she's really struggling and yes, of course, no problem. not thinking anything and things are happening that are exciting even more than ever and I'm just being milked for all my money not knowingly because I thought I loved her and I thought she loved me and I was going along with what she was asking though I always thought that if I said no things would have just been as good I thought if I said no she would have said no problem why didn't I say no then if I thought that it was like I thought that though I wanted to do it but it was what I was doing it was just convincing myself that things were going great that time in Manila was great. Again, thousands and thousands of dollars spent when I got back to Angelie's with her.

[00:24:30]And again, an amazing time. It was an amazing time. The happiest time I'd ever have. I was the happiest I'd ever been.

[00:24:35]And when I looked at my bank balance, it was about $120,000.

[00:24:39]How have I spent $80,000 in less than 6 months at this point? Probably 3 months.

[00:24:44]Instead of pulling myself together and thinking, "Don't be stupid. Stop this right now." I kind of thought, "You're going to get married soon." I knew the Philippines was cheap because everybody online says it's cheap. Everybody online says you can live for a very cheap amount of money, for next to nothing.

[00:24:57]They say when the money runs out, I'll just go and live with her family. I don't mind. I can rough it. I've roughed it up my whole life. I was convincing myself something that was going to happen, and I would have more chance of winning the lottery 26 times in a row than this happening. Yet, I convinced myself it would. The mind wanted what the mind wanted, and the mind wanted her more than it wanted a stable, safer future.

[00:25:20]I thought, well, if I've spent that amount of money and this much time, then yeah, I was even thinking, I'd rather live like this for 2 years and even if everything goes wrong, not expecting it to and not believing for a second that it would, but even if it does go wrong, I'll have memories to look back on, and I'll be really ambitious and go back and work hard for a few years and go and enjoy it again. I didn't want it to happen like that. That was the worst case scenario. It was because I allowed myself to feel the excitement of that that I allowed myself to do it. Knowing that in a way I was allowing myself to feel good about the thought of making money again to do it again. Not believing that we would separate or anything. Though not believing it was going to happen anyway. That's the thing. I don't know. It was just stupidity. The worst kind of stupidity ever.

[00:26:03]It was coming up to her birthday.

[00:26:05]Probably 4 months in the Philippines at this point. Again, time of my life. And he said, "For my birthday, I really want to leave the Philippines. I've never left the Philippines before. And she started talking about wanting to go to Hong Kong. I just said, "Yes, let's go."

[00:26:17]Again, we were engaged at this point.

[00:26:19]I'd already got her a really nice ring.

[00:26:21]We were going to get married. I thought in, you know, at the end of being together for a year. So, once we're married, that means that she's mine in a way. And I knew divorce wasn't possible in the Philippines. So, yes, if we're married, money's gone. I'm still with her. No problem.

[00:26:35]We went to Hong Kong. And I don't know how I allowed myself to lose control in Hong Kong the way I did because that was when I was starting to get even more ridiculous, though not thinking anything about it. $1,000 a night hotel for a week, taking her to the best restaurants ever. Again, you have to remember what she's doing with me. She's doing things that my fantasies had never allowed me to fantasize about kind of thing. It was everything that life should be times a billion. It was amazing. At this point, we were both drinking a lot though living in the moment. Already I'd lost control at this point and I started to lose control. so much more and going so much more crazy. We spent that time in Hong Kong. It was fantastic. And I still remember how great I felt at the time.

[00:27:14]Returned to the Philippines and a few weeks here and we're going somewhere else. A few more weeks and we're going somewhere else. And I've stopped even looking at my bank because I just thought if this is how I have to end my day's grade, I don't know what I was thinking really. I suppose I'm thinking about things now, trying to justify the things I did, not knowing what I was thinking at the time, because at the time I was just living. That was it.

[00:27:35]That really was it and that's the truth of it. I was just living, not doing anything apart from living. What I'm saying now is probably just a justification for that in some way. Yet, I really don't know.

[00:27:46]It was coming up to us being together for just under a year when it was time to get married. And she said yes, she can't wait to get married. But one promise she'd always made to her family was if she ever goes back again, she said she'd never go back. She said she would arrive in a car if she did because that was the way to show her family that she'd made it, and that's what she'd promised her family. So, we're going to need a car. I told her that's great. I knew that where I'm from, you can pick up a reasonably old car, still decent for not much money. So, I said, "Let's go and have a look." She took us to the Ford showroom, a brand new Ford, looking at the big four-wheel drive thing. And that was sort of the first time when I thought, "No, I can't even buy that.

[00:28:23]That makes no sense." I made an excuse.

[00:28:26]Well, I don't really like Fords like that. I prefer more classic kind of cars. I came up with some kind of excuse again and I really did do this saying that well modern cars they're not as good. They don't have everything like I like them. They've got these electronic things and I said I was always passionate about cars and I preferred old cars without all the electronics and I prefer to work on cars myself and make it go fast and coming up with all these kind of things. I think she really believed me. So we actually went to a secondhand forcourt and picked up a very old Toyota. And although this one was extremely beaten up and had a fair few problems under the bonnet, it was a sort of car that you could actually go up and rock up to a village in and perhaps it would actually be something people would look at. It wasn't a brand new Ford, but it was a kind of car that drew attention. And I felt like this was a great car to buy because it was a great car to make her understand that what we had with this car was real and it wouldn't be her thinking we're buying a cheap car because of what it was.

[00:29:21]Granted, it was run down and it wasn't in the best condition, but it worked.

[00:29:24]and I'd worked on cars and that was it.

[00:29:27]I bought the car for her as a wedding present and said, "You know, we've got that." And I still had money in the bank because I could take it out. And that was, you know, when I checked how much money I had and I was very alarmed that I had just over $10,000 left after I bought the car. I mean, to be honest, I did know what when I transferred that money because I couldn't use the ATM for it. I did know how much money I had. And yeah, $30,000. The car was 20, 10,000 left. Never mind. But getting married, I can go and spend some time with the family. we can settle down a bit. We arrived at the family's house.

[00:29:56]Everyone's happy. Got a few gifts and again completely out of my head.

[00:30:00]Completely out of my head. I lost my senses. Lost my everything. I don't know. I don't know how it happened. I don't know. Though everything was going on like this, and I couldn't stop it.

[00:30:10]The family were great, but extremely poor. I'd never seen poverty like that in my whole life. The poverty was on a whole other level. It was awful to witness, though they were friendly and kind. She said, "Can you give a couple of thousand dollars to my parents just to help them out?" So, yeah. Okay. We arranged a wedding for a month's time and drove back to Angel's getting a couple of feries across to get there, live a couple more weeks, go spending some more money, and then I got to $5,000 and I told her, "I need to tell you something." I'd already kind of been thinking about things. Not live with her family. No, that wasn't going to happen.

[00:30:41]But what can we do? I told her, "We're going to live in the States. That's what I had come to the decision of." I thought that was it. I thought I'd crack the code. It wasn't like I thought anything really other than live for the moment, but okay, that's going to work.

[00:30:54]We can go and live in the States. I can work and we can come back to the Philippines. I told her this is what I wanted to do and because I don't have much money left and I believe if we go to the States, we can make more because I told her I want to build a really nice house in your province. I want us to have a great place to live. I want to be able to support your family at the moment. Now, I can't really support you and more than I'm doing at the moment. I kept trying to pretend that I had enough money to do what we were doing, though I kept pretending it wasn't good enough because I wanted a big house. I wanted this and that. She said, "Great. I'd love to go and live in the States.

[00:31:26]Sounds great." I thought I dodged a bullet. I did have a few credit cards available for me for extra money as and when I needed it, and it was kind of like something that I'd put off thinking about. Like I said, looking back, I'm trying to justify things by saying what I was thinking, though, I'm only guessing what I was thinking because I don't really know. I had enough credit cards to kind of work things out. Let's get married. Let's go and live in the States. And she was happy about that. I thought she really was.

[00:31:51]We were due to go and get married relatively soon, and she was going out one night with some friends, which she did quite often, maybe once or twice a week. I gave her money to go out and see friends. It was never a problem. It really never was. I didn't care if she saw her friends. This time, again, it's very difficult to say. She went out to see friends, and she came back with one of her other friends, and she was kind of saying, "Well, I don't know if I want to go to the States. I've been speaking to my friend and apparently it's not safe for people like me there. I mean of course she was talking nonsense though that's what she was saying like don't worry of course it is I told her we just will get married you can get a visa and we can go back. I could have maxed out the first few credit cards and been with her until the visa was arranged though she said she had a friend with her and because of that she was talking about how it was unsafe and dangerous and she said it's not a good idea. She's worried that if we go, she won't be able to see her family and I might change when we get there because she said she thought it was great, but it was her friend apparently who was telling her that many girls go to the States and the guy changes and isn't as nice anymore, abusive and things like that. I told her that's not me.

[00:32:54]I was really believing what she was saying, not believing that it was a play just to get me to leave. And I said, "No, don't worry about it." She said, "I love you. I want to be with you. I love you more than anything, but I'm scared."

[00:33:04]I told her not to worry. Told her not to be scared. and she said, "Maybe it's a good idea if we put a little bit of money in my bank account in the Philippines and then if I ever have any problems in the States, you will or I can come back and have that money." I said, "Yeah, that's great. Let's get the visa first and when the visa sorted, we can do that. We need to get married first." She said, "Okay, you know, I thought that was it. Make her happy." I put some money in her bank and it was $5,000. And she said, "That's great."

[00:33:30]And we were due to be getting married again, and it all seemed to be back on.

[00:33:34]The day before we were due to get married though, the day before we were due to go down to her family. She said she was sorry she's changed her mind. By this point, I'd taken out a cash advance on one of my credit cards, just keeping things alive. But she said she changed her mind. She's speaking to more people and they said it's not a good idea to go there. It's really a bad idea. Maybe I can't make money like I think she told me. I said I can. Maybe I can't come back from the state, she said. And she's coming up with all these excuses and I'm telling her not to worry, but all she's doing is worrying.

[00:34:03]One thing though that allowed me to believe at the time that it was real what she was saying was when she said, "I will give you back this $5,000." And she gave it to me. She said she was sorry, but it was her giving me back that money that made me come to the realization that what she was saying was real. Although I was heartbroken and destroyed and it was the worst day of my life, and I begged and begged and begged, she didn't change her mind.

[00:34:23]She'd given me that money bag. I couldn't force her to stay with me. Of course, I couldn't. She had the car. She had I don't know. Every time I'd spent money, that went through her. So, she'd probably taken off a huge amount of money off the top what I'd spent. She'd probably had tens of thousands of dollars. Yet, her giving me that back was like, well, she really respects and loves me, but she's just scared about going to the States. That's how I saw it at the time. As stupid as you may think that is, it is stupid. It's stupidity in a nutshell. When she left, it was devastating. I didn't grasp straight away what had happened, about how much money I'd lost and everything along those lines. I didn't care about that.

[00:34:55]All I cared about was her. That was my year in the Philippines, just slightly under a year. All my money gone, though.

[00:35:01]Having the time of my life, thinking that I'd come up with a solution to go with her to the States. Yet, it didn't work. I returned to the States myself, just a mess. I am still a mess. And it took me months of contemplating, of thinking about things to actually understand what had happened and come to terms with what had happened. Then, believing that yes, it was a scam all along. Not a scam because I willingly gave the money to her. I willingly did what she asked. So, she didn't scam me, did she? What happened was I believed she loved me because I loved her. Did I love her or did I love what she did and how she made me feel? I think that was it. When I was living it, it was the best time of my life.

[00:35:34]Although I've tried to say how I felt at the time and tried to justify things, it's all a justification. I don't know why I did what I did, apart from to say that I was living the best time of my life. And if I had unlimited money, I would be living that life now because it was amazing and I want to live it now. I mean, that's the thing. I know that although I'm still in a huge mess, I'm getting a little bit better financially off because I am working again and I'm spending nothing a month. Well, not nothing, but I'm spending as little as I can and I'm saving again. The biggest mistake I made was I could have lived like that. I could have had that amount of money for a good time, though not committed to one girl. It's when you commit to a girl and love a girl and give her things like a car and a telephone and jewelry and clothes.

[00:36:11]That's when you give her that that when things go wrong. If you meet a girl like the girls that I met before her, that was equally as fun and exciting, but it was casual and it cost me nowhere near as much. what I'm working towards now. I have to say it. I'm working to get back to the Philippines. Not to commit to one girl, but to commit to enjoying myself.

[00:36:29]That's what keeps me going. I destroyed my life and lost everything I'd ever earned. But I want it again. I need it again. I will get it again. I'll be older, no wiser, though I don't care. I really don't care. I'll be getting social security at some point. Is it a lot? No. But it's something. I'll save up and I will live my life and I will do what's best for me. I won't commit to one girl. I'll commit to myself and to making sure that I have enough to be able to enjoy myself as much as I can. I was a huge idiot for doing what I did because I could have been more sensible and I could have made that money last and still had a good time. Nowhere near as good as I had, but still good enough where I could be woken up at night the way I wanted to be woken up at night. I don't want to be crude to finish it off because that's not who I am. Though life is for living and I want to enjoy it.

[00:37:12]I'm not enjoying it now and I didn't enjoy it before I went to the Philippines and I enjoyed it in the Philippines up until the time it fell apart and I don't want it to fall apart again. I don't know what I'm trying to say here apart from to say that I wish I was in the Philippines now. I really really do.