This video explores a woman's 13-year sexless marriage with infidelity, where she publicly reveals her struggles in church while refusing to divorce. The discussion highlights that marriage should be a mutually beneficial relationship based on love, respect, and partnership, and that individuals must take responsibility for their own choices rather than blaming external factors like sex workers. The conversation emphasizes that staying in a toxic marriage for the sake of children or religious beliefs may not be the wisest choice, and that self-worth and personal well-being should be prioritized.
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ENUGU WOMEN PROTEST AGAINST SEX WORKERS- PROTECTING THEIR HOMES OR MISPLACING THE BLAME?
Added:Heat.
Hey, Heat.
Heat. Heat.
It's Thursday on your view. Welcome to the show. I am Miam Long and with me as usual are my favorite ladies.
>> White kids in the building. Yo yo yo yo yo yo.
>> Good morning. Good morning.
>> Good morning. How have you been?
>> I have been fine. I'm fine. Ah >> gosh, I slept early yesterday. I couldn't wake up this morning. Oh man, it's not easier.
>> What What happened? What did you do before?
>> Uh it was my brother's birthday on Tuesday.
>> Oh, okay.
>> Happy birthday to him.
>> So I was so exhausted. I was snoring and I was awake. My eyes here.
>> Okay.
>> You could hear yourself.
>> You could hear yourself snore.
>> Ah, I say I was >> Yeah, I don't I'm snoring.
>> And snoring. Have you seen that one before? That's me. I was I was I could hear the TV. I'm sure my eyes were open, but I was snoring. I kind of sleep this.
This is how exhausted I was.
>> But you were not with cuz you know snoring women don't give up the right.
They don't give the right vibe.
>> No, no, no.
>> You were by yourself.
>> I was by myself. I was with my grandchildren.
>> Okay.
>> I don't understand.
>> Meanwhile, it was he said I go say in fact I stop you sleep. I say >> no you don't snore. She say you sing.
>> That's why you say you sing in your sleep.
>> Mhm.
>> Canary you know >> maybe you used to y to y people who snore. So he comes to you cuz I hated snoring. I used to y people snore. Then I got married for the first 8 hours of my night.
>> I was looking at him like how are you even sleeping with this level of noise?
But it was me who couldn't sleep. Now >> it's almost the reverse.
>> So he's just there. He snores peacefully. I love his snoring now. I'm already used to it. But my own >> children say mommy you snoring. I say it's not me. I said can you have my phone record me if I do so? And they record me and I hear it just be breathing slightly. It was not maybe because I used to hear people who know now I'm doing it. Maybe >> you're just getting old.
>> Getting older.
>> Mhm.
>> I'm not old.
>> You are getting there now. You're 40 something.
>> No, I'm very young. Very very young.
>> It's okay.
>> Then you compared to me I mean I'm 65.
>> Exactly. Exactly.
>> By 20 years I could have had >> Yes. I thought you was a child.
>> That's why you're married.
>> Fresh is in the building. How are you?
>> I'm fine.
>> Pressure something different.
>> Thank you. You should allow people to snore me. Allow me to snore in peace. If you love me, you love me.
>> No, you cannot dare snore.
>> I not you cannot look like this and be snoring. I know there's something wrong.
>> Please, I snore and I snore unapologetically. If I'm tired, I snore well. Stretch my hand and my leg and snore. So that I don't I don't when someone is sn I feel like you're having a good sleep. like you're exhausted and you're sleeping. That's the mindset because my husband cannot even alarm.
>> That's my mindset. I said ah I en you like ah you're really sleeping sleep.
That's the kind of sleep that >> but medically when you snore it means that there's something wrong.
>> I don't think so because there's something I posted yesterday. I said there's a sleep >> that I've not slept and that when I even when I sleep now that that sleep I've not slept that sleep there's a sleep that that my body still needs to sleep.
So if is this not I will help me stay that sleep. Ah please no come I welcome you.
>> I welcome you. But those are the kind of one I I slept the other day that my eyes were open. I was snoring.
>> I haven't seen that one before.
>> That was awake and I was there some kind of snoring that cause relationship. So I better let the person rest my husband just kept it a secret from you that you are disturbing him in the night.
>> You know he knows to tell me that I only sing. You can never tell me it's not.
>> You sing. Oh my god. You whistle in your sleep. That's how we say it.
>> Okay. Um h my my social media person did something that really embarrassed me. I was so upset. You know the gifts that we got from Larola.
>> I gave her the video that we took to whatever. I didn't realize that in the caption she made it about he gave me wedding anniversary gift. Let's go.
>> I wanted to say my I was social.
>> I wanted to say my you I was bloating yesterday that my kids they will suffer because internet have Wi-Fi has expired.
Guess what? Their father renewed it.
>> Let's go on a short break. What we >> Oh, the break we'll talk about what what they've done. Let's go on a short break.
When we return, we'll take today's top stories in the newspapers. Stay with us.
We'll be right back.
Stay tuned. Your view will be right back.
Heat. Heat.
Heat. Heat.
Heat. Heat.
Thank you for staying with us. We're starting our newspaper review this morning with the nation. Major headline senators reps to decide retaliation against South Africa. Antimigrant actions a dent on Mandela's legacy says federal government's 1 trillion naira treasury bills overs subscribed by 860 billion naira. It's a challenge for reform sustenance.
My experiences from Vatza Ora coup by Abdul Salami. UK jury clear deani of corruption charges. In gives recognition to Gombled SDP.
Telos accounted for 7.8% of GDP last year.
Terrorist Halu sentenced to death by hanging and kidnappers being recruited in Edo.
What story do we have first?
>> Major headline. Yeah. So the minister for of foreign affairs ambassador Bianca Gojuku was speaking on behalf of the federal government on you know the xenophobic attacks and the reaction of the Nigerian government while on a TVC interview on TVC news. She you know talked about how the how it is important that the Senate and the House of Representatives um you know decide what is going to happen going forward. They said she says that they have a constitutional role to play in determining Nigerian's response um and what our diplomatic engagements will be with South Africa, you know, to or what we must do to halt the the attacks on Nigerians and other and their businesses in South Africa. And that I think is calling out the House of R cuz I took the story thinking they finally took an action.
>> Mhm.
>> But um she was just talking about you know how she's worked as as the minister, the substantive minister. She was minister for state until >> there was a resignation. So she talked about the prisoners exchange that going to happen between us and south of and Ethopia >> the release Nigerians you know the not released but Nigerians the 98 Nigerians who were in prison in Ethiopia that you know will now complete their jail term in Nigeria as an exchange and talked about what retaliatory measures we have to take and this depends on the national assembly. She talked about South African businesses here. She mentioned a few.
>> She said that these businesses >> you know have never been required to do beyond what is you know documented legally here. No individual or protest group has you know attacked their businesses and they've always fed well here. So the government of South Africa not taking a stand is a disappointment.
a dent on Mandela's legacy, a dent on their foreign policy, you know, and their policy about foreigners in their country and but at the end of the day, Senate House of Reps, over to you.
>> Have you been seeing all those videos coming out of South Africa?
>> It's getting where they are threatening blacks and threatening Nigerian businesses and then going to the Pakistani um and begging them for jobs.
>> Very very colonized mentality.
>> It is terrible.
>> It's bad. It's um it's the they're just playing the playbook of the colonialists, the imperialists. They just is their playbook.
>> Africans against Africa, >> invite the foreigners who will take over your land eventually.
>> Which anyway, Pakistani and Indians have taken over South Africa anyway. long ago.
>> It's It's not.
>> So, the former minister of petroleum petroleum resources, the Alison Mad has been acquitted of all bribery charges brought against her in the United Kingdom.
>> Wow.
>> My God is a god of miracle. A jury at Sodok Crown Court in London yesterday, returned not not guilty verdicts on six counts, including five charges of accepting bribes and one count of conspiracy to commit bribery. A verdict followed more than 46 hours of jury deliberations after a trial that began in January. So, this judgment marks a significant victory for the former oil minister who had consistently maintained her innocence throughout the proceeding.
>> Mhm.
>> You know, What does this mean for her case in Nigeria or is there a case still >> but they also they also acquitted um the jury also cleared two codefendants who stood tri alongside the former minister that's her elder brother Mr. Doya Gamay who is a Manchester based Most Archbishop and also an oil industry executive Mr. Latumbbo they were all acquitted of the bri bri bribery related offenses.
>> Okay.
>> Yes. But one of the major issues raised during the proceedings was the absence of direct evidence linking any contract awards to the alleged benefits received by Alistister Madwick. Although prosecutors identified several wealthy oil businessmen who allegedly financed the former minister's lifestyle, none of them was charged in the case. Another issue that they also had another contentious issue involving was um involved the handling of evidence obtained during the searches of the former minister's residence in Abuja in 2015. You know, defense lawyers argued that investigators relied heavily on what the economic and financial crimes commission had gathered in Nigeria while questions remain over whether all relevant materials were was actually disclosed.
>> So would we say she got acqueded based on technicalities? Is that what we're saying? But then if you don't have any evidence to back anything now then what's the point because yes and they said the former president good luck Jonathan who who had appointed her that he did not appear in person to testify even though he has sent a statement you know and and said that most um times that um I said that most times that third parties provide accommodation transportation other logistical support to government officials doing official overseas engagement but by most important things that she's been acquitted is happy and she's been acquitted.
>> I would like to know is there still a case against her here in Nigeria? What does that mean?
>> So there might be this is a different charge >> and we have different charges here and we were able to establish full for future of most of our assets here.
>> Okay.
>> So I don't know when she if she decides to come back to see what the FCC will do.
>> I think they had tried to um >> try and absent.
>> No to get them to deport her.
>> Yeah. extradite her >> but um they were not successful.
>> So now they cannot because since she's been found innocent there they will not be able to extradite her anymore >> I think.
>> All right I >> no before you take yours let's take a short break.
>> When we return we'll continue with the newspaper review. Stay with us. We'll be right back.
>> Stay tuned. Your view will be right back. Back.
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>> Unapologetic.
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>> Unafraid. In my practice, I found that sometimes the woman is saying honey, but you are hearing monkey. Thoughts, politics, culture, women, and what it means to be a man in today's world. No scripts, no safe zones, just grown conversation. So, pull up a chair if you're built for it. This is the black tablet founder entertainment >> TV entertainment now on TV channel 164 entertainment Heat. Heat. N.
Thank you for staying with us. We're still reviewing the stories in the nation.
>> The the um president of the United States has defended his interim agreement with Iran and saying that it averted a global economic global economic catastrophe. He says the deal is due to be signed tomorrow. It will lead to the opening of the street of hummus, >> clearing the way for unfettered movement of ships and um the constant consequent easing of economic strangulation. He said he also said if um Iran doesn't obey him or doesn't abide not obey him >> abide by the agreement >> agreement he's going to bomb the hell out of there.
>> He couldn't.
>> He said we are going to bomb >> the hell out of them Iran. If they violate the agreement I don't want them to. I want them to honor the agreement.
This is at a press conference yesterday.
>> Wow. What a way to incite anger.
>> Do you see the people that are on the deliberation table from the Iran side?
>> Let me let's move on to the next paper.
The punch major headline akit decides security forces mobilize as ink moves sensitive materials. Today opposition lawmakers berate Tinubu over worsening insecurity hardship. ICPC defends El Rufi detention as group hires US lobbyist.
Nigerian efforts killed my husband, abandoned me with three children.
And we have quir drag saki to court over alleged defamation. And federal government hauls stamp duty deductions by MDAs.
>> What story do we have? The major headline.
>> Okay. Okay.
Ekit decides. Of course, Saturday is the election, governorship election in Ekit state. There are 13 political parties contesting the polls and they have their candidates across the 60 local government areas. 117 ws and 2,000 polling units will decide who the next governor will be. The Nigerian Air Force confirmed that they successfully airlifted sensitive electoral materials on behalf of INC. They said the materials were moved between the 15th and the 16th following INEX requests for assistance and they said that um they designed to guarantee secure and timely transportation of electoral materials from Abuja to the designated locations in Akit. The the resident electoral commissioner in state Dr. Omari says that INC is fully prepared for the June 20 governorship elections and that beas machines and are ready personnel are adequately ready. They have security protocols on ground. Um about 10,000 NCDC staff are on ground um to ensure that there's full security and INC is present. So we're looking forward to Saturday. This is the first most peacefully approached governorship election I've seen in the kitty. This one don't get drama. True. They used to be >> I mean with no cash news they not cornh used to be very dramatic.
>> So I took the story of um you know I took the story last on Tuesday of this uh bus driver who was beaten to death by the Nigerian air force Joseph Ok.
And um so his widow has spoken out. She says that she has not received any help from the air force. She said they visited her quite all right. The the air force have said that the officers they have detained them. They visited her.
They gave her 200,000 naira and promised to >> um help her but she has suddenly no word from them. silence and that uh the husband was the bread winner. She has three children. One is 14, one is 10 and the other one is five. The baby is five and that one has even been crying for his father saying where is his father?
>> Um >> what will 200,000 do?
>> 200,000.
>> No, but they said it was just to feed >> for the wheat >> for h for them.
>> Okay. so that they are going to get back to her and now they haven't gotten back to her. She has not heard anything and the kids are hungry. She she's even more worried about their education of course that >> uh he was the bread winner. Joseph was the bread winner and now that he's gone, >> she doesn't want her kids not to >> uh not go to school. So >> please Nigerian Air Force people that did it take responsibility.
>> They should also get justice for the driver. They should have those people. I know they >> No, no, they they're in jail. They detail. Yes.
>> Yes. But they should not cover up.
>> So the federal government has directed all ministries, departments, and agencies to immediately continue the deduction of 1% stamp duty from payments made to contractors, vendors, suppliers, and service providers citing the provisions of the Nigerian tax 2025.
The directive was contained in a federal treasury circular dated June 15 and was signed by the accountant general of the federation. So according to this circular new tax law makes it clear that stamp duty is imposed on chargeable instruments rather than on payment transactions rendering the long-standing practice of deducting 1% from government payments inconsistent with the current legal framework. The office of the accountant general of the federation stated that the directive became necessary to ensure compliance with the Nigerian tax act 2025 and prevent the mislication of statutory deductions. You know every day with this tax act every day we you know we keep um interpreting it and explaining it better for everybody involved all Nigerians to to do better and to apply it better. M >> okay let's move on to the daily sun major headline terror groups Madawa la kurawa members napped government killed monarch nine others injure 11 in plateau kaduna jam releases UTM original results slip outlines guidelines for access Catholic bishop demands end to terrorism from tinobu Nigerians tired of killings kidnappings London Court acqu of bribery charges. We've taken that. ACF lays alleged ethnic profiling deportation threats against northern women in Onondo.
Federal government elevating 2027 politics above citizens welfare. This according to the rep caucus urges to rescue abducted or your children teachers in 72 hours. What story did you take in daily song?
>> Jam very short story. So jam through the um public comm communications advisor Dr. Fabian Bjam. This man has at le register. He says that um the jam has announced that candidates who sat for the 2026 UTM exams can now print their original result slips starting yesterday Wednesday the 17th of um June. It says this sleep of course is a very important document for them to go for their UT post UTM screenings and other admission exercises across univers universities poly technics and colleges of education but they're also insisting that you know once you print it look at look through verify if there's any error and you know any discrepancy on your sleep so you can report for any correction because you know this document would forever carry if it carries an error that's how your result will continue to show then um keep copies of the original slips for future admission related processes. This document remains one of the key requirements for consideration into any institutions.
>> Okay.
>> Um yeah, the ARA consultative forum have condemned the alleged arrest and profiling and public parade of northern women by operatives of the UNO state by Amote anyway. Um they've called it um unconstitution unconstitutional discriminatory and a threat to Nigeria's unity. They there was a viral video showing amote operatives detaining a group of northern women and threatening to deport them from Hondo state. They have said that um this is profiling they've called it um ethnic profiling. Uh they say um and it uh the con guarantees freedom of movement and residence and lawful economic activities regardless of ethnic and regional background.
>> Okay.
>> They they just they I mean I believe they within their rights to complain. I ethnic profiling >> is a no no for me >> you know and he says um the women were engaged in leg legitimate economic activities >> and that uh public humilation of citizens could fuel tensions and undermine national >> you need to be careful I understand that there are fears here and there but you need to be careful your investigation >> yes the the especially if they were going about the legitimate businesses you know um >> we need to be careful >> we all doing it >> or all doing it in Lagos people are saying ah come >> let's stop it >> you know let there be evidence against whoever >> true >> yeah yeah so the archbishop of Lagos most reverend adiwali max has expressed concern over the worsening security concerns um and security situation in the country declared that Nigerians have become exhausted said by the persistent wave of killings, kidnappings and violent attacks.
Um the Catholic Bishop's Conference of Nigeria CBCN has expressed concern over the worsening insecurity situations too you know and um you know um as Bishop Martin described in security as the nation's greatest challenge saying it has continued to inflict pain on citizens and every day we wake up is one issue or the other that this has now become a daily routine and occurrence and is pleading with the government that security agencies need to be properly empowered to do their duties and encouraged to face the risk associated with their profession. Everyone is tired. The government at all levels and the security agencies should do more.
You know, this affects everybody. It's so painful that we Nigerians were now numb to waking up every day and hearing of this kidnapping, this equity. It's so sad and I just wish and pray that something can just be done.
>> Ah.
>> Yeah. Let's move on to Vanguard. Major headline jpa only 55,000 doctors left to treat 220 million Nigerians no considerations for fuel telecoms um taxes federal government replies IMF Lagos CP allays fears over terror threat at panatlantic university deploys drones my take on quara's next governor former information commissioner uh UK courts acquit ex petroleum minister Ali Mad of bribery charges, worry, delination, our position going forward according to Ejo Urobo leaders.
Um unfortunately that's all we can take.
We can't take the stories in the papers in the Vanguard right now cuz we've run out of time. So we'll go on a short break. When we return we'll take our first hot topic for the day. Stay with us. We'll be right back.
Stay tuned. Your view will be right back.
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Unfiltered.
>> There's this entitlement to choice.
>> Unapologetic.
>> There's something in sociology that said even crime has an advantage in the society.
>> Unafraid. In my practice, I found that sometimes the man is saying honey, but you are hearing monkey. Thoughts, politics, culture, women, and what it means to be a man in today's world. No script, no safe zones, just grown conversation. So pull up a chair if you're built for it. This is the black tablet entertainment. TBC Entertainment now on TV channel 164 you guys. What's the gist about >> you? It's all over my FYP. But me, I don't know. Shaka, if you ask me, he's giving us some.
>> Listen, I just checked the new TV, WhatsApp like right now, and they just dropped the update.
>> Are you for no?
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They always on it 100 like they always posted this before anyone else. Me, I love them. And that's on period.
>> Like I just align with them like last week. And Omar, they've been dropping back too.
>> Fact. I love how it's straight from the sauce. No cap, no fake news, just pure entertainment.
>> I lowkey feel like an insider right now.
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>> J is red. All they're trying to say to you is for your premium entertainment content, scan the QR code on your screen right now.
Heat. Heat.
Welcome back and thank you for staying with us. Marriage is often built on love, companionship, trust, commitment, and intimacy. But what happens when one spouse says those needs have been missing for years? A woman has sparked intense reaction after breaking down emotionally in church, alleging that she has endured years of infidelity, emotional neglect, abuse, and a sexless marriage. According to her, her husband has not been intimate with her for over 13 years. Yet, despite the pain she described, she insists she has no intention of leaving the marriage.
Please, let's watch this video.
As a day so what my husband don't do me if not be God I'm not sure I feel forgive her as a day my husband give me 50 naira I won't buy something of 100 I collect 50 naira I will put my own joint I can't get all my husband property I'll take and knock my sh me buy >> you can hear >> welcome back okay so um we the video we just uh watched is about a woman, you know, just talking about being in a marriage and for many years, 13 years, she actually says she hasn't been intimate with her husband and we're asking, can a marriage survive without intimacy for over a decade? Is her decision to stay a sign of commitment or is sacrifice too far?
Are we hearing the full story? What could drive a woman to publicly reveal such deeply personal struggles in a church service? Was this a cry for help?
years of pent up frustration or both?
And what about her husband? How might he react to seeing his marriage become a viral talking point? Finally, should marital grievances be aired publicly or are there times when speaking out is the only way to be heard? Uh what are your thoughts on this ladies and of course our viewers? We like to hear your thoughts by joining us on and call us on 02016352013 or 0924163440.
Can join us live on DSTV channel 164 and tweet us at TVC connect using the hashtag your view TVC. Ladies, what are your thoughts?
>> Okay.
Okay. This woman is not alone. This is a very common thing. Um, a lot of marriages after a few years they start to do go through this when the couple's, you know, will to fight for the marriage starts to dwindle. So, one party usually has the upper hand. In her case, it's the man who has the upper hand. In some cases, it's the women who deny the men sex and, you know, they have the upper hand. Mhm.
>> Sadly in our case she's not taking you know um a man does not cheat. It's women no a man does not um African tradition man does not commit >> adultery >> adultery. Yes >> it's women who commit adultery because you know Africa is very deeply patriarchal >> and so let me not speak it in Euroba but it's women who they accuse of such things. So she cannot even have an outlet to meet that mutual need.
>> Mhm.
>> Because now two adults marry, two adults have the mutual need. Two adults either deny themsel or two adults can actually meet it. Sadly, she's not taking that alternative. I don't encourage it. My faith does not encourage it. So in as a Muslim woman, I would have asked for divorce. I would not do 5 years of the sexless marriage. I have to be god forbid it maybe unable to have sex I don't >> maybe healthwise something wrong >> because he has the right to for wise >> so he can have outlets >> for it when when it is my case it is accept I'm not able to do it >> that I will not have divorced him >> okay >> because I cannot be found wanting of any adultery in any case but these are the realities of most marriages in fact some divorces I usually as I my women who are women clients in divorce cases that before you reach this place the two of you did not jam each other in the bedroom and you know maybe found a way to resolve you know was there no sex in marriage you'll be shocked at how many women says for years no sex I had a client once it was 12 years >> of no sex and she was faithful to him >> she withdrew we didn't finish prosecuting her matter she was faithful because of her the brand of Christianity she practiced she didn't believe in divorce >> okay >> from that brand of Christianity and she was going to do or die like that with him. But she later withdrew the divorce uh process because I think she found out he he knew he had violated his marriage and he would put her at a risk of a health condition. He had you know contracted something contracted something and decided he won't touch her again. But he was touching the kind of women he thought he had exposed to. So while she was being faithful hoping that he hated her he wasn't talking to her.
was so guilty he was avoiding her >> and so she just come came and said she's withdrawing. We begged her that we were at a stage where we finally got you know as our court processes where we finally got a good day to got she says no she will withdraw because now she just wants to support him because he's is terminal.
So women do most of these things that we see that you know shock will shock you but these are not unknown things. The problem we have is how society leads you to resolve it. So if a party in a marriage thinks oh I will withdraw sexual relations to punish a partner male or female what outlets do the partner have >> okay >> you know those are the things I will talk about but I'm so sorry for what she's going through 13 years >> 13 years and she's insisting on staying and she's going nowhere maybe I don't know the video didn't really go so far so let me see the points that I can take out from the video cuz we watched it um one he for 13 years they haven't been intimate but every day at 5:00 a.m.
he'll get out of bed to go and be with someone else a young girl on their street. So he as you said he has he's taking care of his needs she's not and then every time she needs something financial anything she even give an example she wants to buy something for 400 naira he'll give her 50 naira >> you know so financially she's carrying the burden >> but above all she's insisting that she's going nowhere >> she's going to stay in that marriage to get that she's going nowhere so that's what we're dealing with >> so for me I feel for her but I lost She lost me at the point where she now said that she's not going >> anywhere. I wanted to to help talk about her matter. But when she now got to that point when she now said that despite everything, she's not going anywhere.
What do you want me to do now? She going to fight battle for someone that does not want to fight for themselves.
>> Madam, if you're not going anywhere, then stay now. Why you coming to disturb us now?
>> I don't understand like as inherit >> hard. So if you don't want to love yourself, respect yourself.
Enable a man to continually disrespect you. Teach your daughters and your children that is okay to be disrespected in that manner. That and they embody the fact that maybe this is what marriage is all about. And then mess them up mentally to be a problem to another child that they will meet tomorrow.
>> Madam, how can we help you? I can't help you. But I still don't understand why you made this decision that you're not going anywhere. Why did you come to the church now to now embarrass the man now put out your dirty lings in public as the manager for house before continue to the manager for house? You don't need to know >> in that video the pastor >> is there he listens to her and he also agrees that she cannot divorce him.
>> He also I'm telling you >> she privately now gone to meet a pastor.
She not need to publicly put it out there >> because at the end of the day we help and so she still wants to >> additional testimonies is also a way to teach the whole congregation. So he said to her which I found which we'll discuss after I come back from the break. He says to her that she should find a way to encourage him entice him to come to church.
>> So let's go let's go on a short break.
So return we hear YK's perspective and then what wisdom >> stay with us right back wisdom.
>> Stay tuned your view will be right back.
Back entertainment just found a new home. Your favorite shows your biggest stars now closer than ever. TVC Entertainment now on DSTV channel 64. TVC Entertainment.
Something for everyone.
>> Think fast, play smart, win big. We cash the game show where every contestant gets the opportunity to win money.
No long waits, no dull moments. Just quick questions, quick moves, and free cash. Every second counts, every answer pays, and everyone walks away a winner.
Are you fast enough for Quick Cash? Scan the barcode on your screen, and you just might get a chance to take your shot at Instant Fortune. Quick Cash, showing Mondays and Fridays on TVC Entertainment.
This is not just a round table. This is the black table.
This is the black table where real men speak the truth about the world we live in. The games we play, the power we chase, and the women to take it all.
Unfiltered.
>> There's this entitlement to choice.
>> Unapologetic.
>> There's something in sociology that said even crime has an advantage in the society.
>> Unafraid. In my practice, I found that sometimes the woman is saying honey, but you are hearing monkey. sports, politics, culture, women, and what it means to be a man in today's world. No scripts, no safe zones, just grown conversation. So, pull up a chair if you're built for it. This is the Black Tablet.
TV entertainment now on TV channel 164 you guys what's the gist about >> you it's all over my f but me I don't know shaka and if you ask me it's giving s >> listen I just checked the new TV WhatsApp like right now and they just dropped the update.
>> Are you for no actually be noticing those guys? They always on it 100 like they always posted this before anyone else. Me I love them and that's on period.
>> Like I just align with them like last week and more.
Thank you for staying with us. So, we're going to play that video we were trying to play earlier. We had to take it down because to fix some technical um issues but that's been fixed. Now let's take a a moment to watch the video.
As a day so what my husband don't do me if not be God I'm not sure I feel forgive her as I my husband give me 50 naira I won't buy something of 100 I collect 50 naira I go put my own joy I can't get all my husband party I take and knock my sh me buy all to the extent he do say if they pay I not know again my husband they work better work if you know me you know me I say people know me come the church to go ask and people suicide this woman they enjoy you you don't know to the extent I don't go hospital do kidney test do everything doctor say mad you not make love to the extent my husband friend there for street for 5 years I go they beg for more than 13 years I beg her to sleep with me to the extent I go call sleep with me not go agree my husband go leave me 5:30 in the morning for house go meet street girl for 5 years then you go tell make her forgive I want forgive him but what I know to God I not leave the marriage they go I go fornicate if I want die make her die but I not come up for the marriage I worked for it and I will eat it nobody go con my children now and one thing when I they tell women pastor not vest I they talk woman not do anything with your husband may your children not know make your children they know because when you come out people go they blame me your children don't go see m they talk many times my husband don't use cot me say go kill me many times on the third of January on the fourth pack all the cut everything I do but if you see me for side the woman find the woman do this I never one day take hungry beat my husband my husband they eat money after if you know me you know me for my start hungry 12 shall not go make food. I married my husband after God and my husband they stood in my family and if not be family me for don't come out the family stood by me like they stood by me but I not sure if he forgive her no comeote oh but no no no forgive him but I don't come out in the church she wants apology she eats her cake >> what does she want >> you heard that video.
>> Let me hear your initial thoughts >> cuz I have so many of mine.
>> You see, um, she needs therapy first.
>> That where she is is not the right place where she's >> let her go to a professional therapist because she's obviously >> and if she thinks it's because um she's not making love, that's why she has all these diseases. is not >> just not just internal >> internalized >> anger and painterness >> anger >> you know so while she's doing that >> I'm thinking she's punishing him or being a matter she's deceiving herself >> that's the word >> because she said the husband are trying to pursue I mean if someone is pursuing you what are you still doing there >> with cutless >> with cutler. So she has had to you know so she's >> she considers herself a matter now if she's not careful >> she will die and leave the children >> and the woman that is outside on the street that he's going he leaves 5:00 every morning to go and eat will be the one that will train those children. So she has to now decide what does she want and then you see why that's why I say the church where she is is the wrong place because people are shouting yes forgive him they don't know better >> they they are not professionals >> so they giving her she said yeah no she not feel forgiven they are saying forgive him I think she should forgive him too so that she can find peace >> um she may forgive forgive him in the future. But she needs to first take that her anger and take to take herself out of that situation because I'm afraid and she forgives him.
>> You see the thing is yes take her anger and take herself out of the situation but she's not ready.
>> Mhm.
>> She's still saying I know they go anywhere and then here there instead of running away because of the cutasses she sees all the cutasses. Has she seized all the knives? Thank you. Has >> she seized all the whatever he can use?
So she has to >> and do you see it as a way of in her own mind she's punishing him almost like I know you don't want to be with me but I'm not going to leave >> give you that satisfaction okay but do you know but you know you see how smart this man is you see because if you want to be stupid let us clap for the man now that you've enabled his nonsense the man goes in the morning 5:30 to go and service himself right >> then he comes back to eat your hot hot meal >> a hot aara and and this thing and I can pay for >> hot pay for your cooking breakfast and dinner. Madame, what what are you doing? You're doing yourself.
>> You are doing yourself. This man is enjoying life.
Hey, the man doesn't even want you to go. This one is got he's just he's acting Nigerian movie.
>> He doesn't want you to He doesn't want you to go because this life ah the man is is easily >> best of both world you see because I don't want a session where they will say we are advising people to leave marriages is that is not >> why so my question to those people will be what is a marriage is this a marriage please >> that's why I'm saying she first has to first forgive him >> okay >> so she can move on >> he has to first forgive him but this you are you my wicked man, you are doing this to me.
>> Forgive him.
>> Seek therapy and then do the next best thing for herself. She has to think of number one because the children that she's protecting by staying there >> grow fast first fast first fast first fast first fast first fast first fast first fast first fast first fast first fast >> she's not um nema my question is what is a marriage really please >> marriage is two consenting adults loving each other enough to do life with each other in Islam they says is is a relationship that is based on a a marriage of mercy and tranquility so for you to look at someone and say this person I would not just love them but I will leave I will always consider them in in kindness because for you to be able to execute all of this as no point did you take a break and say ah I think I'm not becoming the best part of myself which is being kind if you feel I I understand her there are certain hurts and pain that a woman goes through in marriage you think you can't forgive when it's the same thing when a man finds that their woman that they've loved is cheating you see some men when Go on, take your call.
>> Oh, okay. I thought you just try and drop that, but let's take um a call from Adi. Ad is calling us from London. Good morning, Adi.
>> Good morning, ladies. Good morning, ladies. Uh well, uh this is so pathetic to me. Number one, I have so many question for the woman. Why can't the family since the family are behind her?
Why can't they solve the problem?
>> Number one.
the church that he the woman is going.
Why can't the pastor intervene and solve the problem? Number three, somebody said something very important. If this woman die, the woman outside will come into the house.
>> So the woman now should protect herself.
Either she go into technology system to to satisfy herself or whatever. So if the husband doesn't touch her, she can touch the husband. Now at least the husband give her and give the husband breakfast the husband will sleep off then you touch your husband simple you understand you are the husband so common sense thank you for your contrib you should cl on him and rape him >> so so this marriage is supposed to be established on love mercy kindness >> people mistake it for maybe he's generous is money you See me for me it's the consideration >> the kind words and when men talk about respect as the thing they want in marriage it's just that you want respect that is looking like servitude women want respect that that puts dignity in their lives >> so everybody wants respect a woman does not want to be talked at talked down at you know why she's respecting you because it becomes like a slave master relationship if she's respecting you and you have kind words you consider her oh she's um tired you will help her when she when you need to Or you maybe you're really upset but you remember who you're talking to where you're coming from our sacrifices. What are the things women are looking for? Me I don't know about women are looking for money. I look for money but it's not everything. My 17th year years of marriage wasn't about money in the entire years. But one thing that I'm premium on the things that have caused fight in our marriage is when I'm spoken down excuse me you know and some men they get carried away with it. So I think those are the things a thriving enabling environment to grow up and thrive. This house is toxic to her to her kids.
>> And I'm sure that she's thinking it. But there's also the part of the bravery to stand up and move.
>> It's a lot of work.
>> It's a lack of bravery.
>> Yeah. A lack of courage to do.
>> Let me take this call. Emmanuel is calling us from Bini. Good morning, Emmanuel.
>> Good morning, ladies. I'm a first time caller. It's a pleasure to be on this show.
>> Welcome.
>> Yeah.
>> Welcome to >> Thank you. about this hot topic. Um the first thing that got to my mind immediately I saw this topic was um a quote by Kas that say religion is the opium of the masses.
And what it simply means is that religion brings um false comfort and um numbs the pain of oppression >> and preventing people from demanding real material change to better their lives on earth.
>> I I this particular topic got to me so deeply because I'm an it happened in my family but in in a different light.
>> Okay. um 20 2005 exactly 15 years ago my exactly yes 15 years ago there about my sister was going to get married to a man both of them were pastors and because of religion the the man defeated my sister into a marriage that turns out to be like he was complete infidel they remember the first phrase the woman made like if he asks for money the man will give something that irrelevant so that's how this marriage became for my sister to to a point my sister ended that marriage for 20 years. But me as a 15 years old I saw something was wrong but my mom who was a Christian and other people were telling them be telling my sister be but as a 15y old always boiling that this man is not the right man for my sister. So at the end of the day my sister bear this tribulation for 20 years and then the man at some point if my is pregnant the man will be saying they are praying something that will go for operation she will say we are praying we are doing this we are doing that and that's how the bed after 20 years my sister now said god told her to leave the marriage instantly I became very upset and say god did not just tell you now I said because we read John is a problem in the in in our society or the world at large I said because even Christ as a Christian did not didn't come to preach religion. He came to preach love. Once you in a relationship or you union, you do not find love in that union, there's no need spending one day of your life. Now, if you look at that woman reaction, what she's basically doing is what? Planning for revenge for that man. That act of her saying to herself, I will not leave this marriage is planning for revenge in that that man in her in his old age is going to reap his soul in the life of that woman. You'll be you realize that sometime you find out that the man is old. He's not able to do things he's supposed to do before. The man the woman will be taunting this man with that every day of his life. So the fact is that religion is the major problem in our society. The fact that we cannot preach love is a basic problem. The the fundamental of marriage or any institution is love.
Once there's no love, there's no way that union that union should continuously to continuously be in existence. There should be love that should be the standard. Every other thing, nobody should tell anybody that.
>> Thank you, Mr. Emanuel, for your contribution.
>> She has said it.
>> Yes.
>> So, we don't like to talk about it. You know, the last caller, the earlier caller had mentioned um the role of the family. This man comes from an enabling family. They enable his bad behavior in this marriage because they around the woman telling her to be patient. They around the woman providing distant support. Ah, no worry. Now you be the best wife we marry. Is that because of your children? Nobody's considering how bitter she'll be. This same family if God forbid things happen that her bitterness now consume her such that she she's unable to be kind to the man. So now for you not they forgive you know they shame you know they forgive your heart too hard that sto your heartbe because the man and they would have enabled him to get away with it for years. I see the woman talking about it, but this color that just finished just sums it up. Do not let somebody rip you of life itself.
>> You know, I I remember some time ago there was this thing that was on social media. It says Nigerian women in marriages >> that they will call you and say, "My husband is beating me. What should I do?"
>> Next thing, "My husband has just stabbed me in my chest and I'm bleeding all over the floor. What do you think I should do?" the next one. Yeah, I'm dead. My spirit is hovering around. What? My husband caused it. What should I do?
It's like we At what point does a marriage stop being a marriage? At what point do you realize that you're in a traumatic >> toxic um environment that does not benefit you physically, mentally, emotionally, financially, spiritually?
At what point then do you take yourself out of that situation? Let's go on a short break. When we return, we will see if we can answer that question for all of us.
Stay tuned. Your view will be right back. Back.
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>> There's this entitlement to choice.
>> Unapologetic.
>> There's something in sociology that said even crime has an advantage in the society.
>> Unafraid. In my practice, I found that sometimes the woman is saying honey, but you are hearing monkey thoughts, politics, culture, women, and what it means to be a man in today's world. No scripts, no safe zones, just grown conversations. So, pull up a chair if you're built for it. This is the Black Table.
>> Entertainment. TBC Entertainment now on the XTV channel 164 you guys. What's the about >> you? It's all over my f but me I don't know shaka if you ask me it's giving some >> listen I just check the new TV WhatsApp like right now and they just dropped your Welcome back and thank you for staying with us. H Why K before we went off I was saying at what point would you a woman is a woman allowed to take herself out of a toxic situation? What is you know first of all I'm looking at it what is a marriage when does it stop being a marriage is it as long as I have a legal document saying that you're my husband you're my wife no matter how we treat each other that stands or am I allowed to I I won't even call it selfishness I will call it selflessness to look at a toxic situation something as bad as what she has just described and take myself out of that situation when is a Nigerian woman allowed to to take herself out of a situation that is no longer a marriage in my opinion.
You asked Nema to define marriage >> and I will ask myself to to define to me >> marriage is a relationship between two people.
>> Mhm.
>> It's a mutually beneficial relationship.
>> Yes.
>> Between two people not beneficial to one side. Once it's beneficial to one side, it's not a marriage.
>> Yeah.
>> It's a lord and master or lady and >> slave, >> you know. So I I I For me, I would say mutually beneficial and we both appreciate each other and we both love cuz you know that Giz love it dies >> you know it will it can't be giz forever >> but >> you both still need each other >> you know and in this relationship I don't see him needing her >> he wants her because she's >> she's not cooking for him. She's doing all the things that you a woman is supposed to do in a marriage >> and she's not financially dependent on him as well because she takes care of her.
>> So that money that he's not giving her, he's giving >> 5 a.m. the 5 a.m.
>> Yes.
>> I mean that's to me that's not a marriage >> obviously. Well, let me take this call and then we'll continue. Um Margaret is calling us from Egua. Good morning Margaret.
Margaret, are you still there?
>> Okay. I don't think so. Why can't you were >> Yeah. So to me, so a marriage has to be mutually beneficial to both parties.
Once it's not, you don't have a marriage.
>> So I my advice to women is make sure you you both love and respect each other.
In this case, I don't see him respecting her. Even if I was her husband, I would respect her >> because I mean she does she think she's being selfless? She's not.
>> She's just being trying to be a mh my husband and she's not going to the church. My husband go and sleep madam.
>> But she also talked about family members who have stood by her.
>> I remember there was a girl I knew a long time.
>> His family members.
>> Yes. His family members.
>> She ask her own family whether they like it. M >> so I know someone you know when we were young girls growing up she was in a relationship with this boy that didn't treat him well >> but she was loved by his family. The family wanted her for him.
>> They wanted a girl that could take him.
>> She would go to visit him in the family house. The mother-in-law would, you know, have her they spend time together. They would go out. She visit the family and friends and everything. But the boy himself would bring different girls to the house while she was there. It was obvious that he didn't love her. But the family really wanted her and she was willing to bank whatever her life on that that the mother loves me. His family loved me.
>> For how long?
>> So you so you can see that um >> did he marry her in the end?
>> No. So and you can see that the person she's that she she's dating the wrong person. She she's supposed to be dating the boy's mother. be >> see that because we need to be telling ourselves the truth and then the mother that is seeing everything that is happening now and then seeing that you you're the foot mat how will she respect you and then the mother the mother already knows that she has a problem so she's looking for the best person to come and help her cail and solve this her problem >> she don't spoil already >> the people human beings we are selfish we're also but in selfish beings >> so they look for the one we go work for Ram business every day. You understand?
And the one that makes me laugh so much is the high moral compass that this woman has.
>> And all of us, we as human beings, we have >> and as Christians that you're standing there in church and you're trying to say, "No, I'm the good woman. I'm the Christian mother. I I would tolerate anything. I will not cheat. I will not cheat, but I will not forgive." Madam, >> I I'm I'm a Catholic. They told us a small sin and there's big sin. But I became an adult. But I realized that there's no sin that is bigger than any other one. Sin now sin.
>> So as you know cheat but you don't forgive still sin.
>> Mhm.
>> That heavenly race that you jump into still sin. So whether you commit adultery go enjoy yourself after 30 years because whether if you think that that is what will open the gate of heaven just open and say welcome you. If you have unforgiveness in your heart and you die, my sister, >> you're not going anywhere.
>> Prince has called us from Leki. Good morning, Prince.
>> Good morning, ladies. Compliment again.
>> Thank you.
>> So, the lady should take the mother. I got to that one there. So, this is my take on the issue.
I really feel for the lady feeling for the lady name is our society and the way we are founded. stress, lack of education, lack of exposure and generally overwhelm overwhelming outlook of the society. And then the the caller that spoke about religion spoke about it extensively. Religion has been the bane of our society. So religion is making us say God hates divorce because that place is a church. God hates divorce. That's number one. Number two, religion is better not to commit any adultery. But then madame Lima will berate me again when I come to legalize legalistically what are the process for that woman to obtain a divorce and move on her the property is there the property is there that she has made claims to because the children will always go on but for me the only thing I would do say here is to praise the woman she's a very kind and good woman society shouldn't allow her somebody that sees the husband three times a day just to put for the man don't woman is a very good woman. Thank you very much. Lady >> Prince, thank you for your contribution.
Is she really a kind woman? Is that what kindness means?
>> No, no, she is.
>> No, no, but it's not out of kindness.
It's out of anger and bitterness. She says, I cannot forgive him.
>> We'll be in this together. It's not really kindness. Let's be honest.
>> Looking at it another way, >> it's >> because when Amaka made the statement, marry the mom, >> I have seen it traditionally where >> they will say the mother will say this is my choice. M >> the son will marry that one but he can't love her >> and the mom will make sure that that woman be children lives and thrives by her own provision the son will then marry his love who the mother might never like who also bet and drive on the husband I've seen that I've seen that that one I've seen before I'm also looking at this woman's choice of language he was speaking pigeon >> maybe in expressing herself and the deep hurt she has felt she used the word I can't forgive it that's how deep it was doesn't I hear the woman saying >> this woman saying I will not leave he's saying if the man changes one minute she's just looking for his validation where he changes one second and says ah you have been the best thing in my life I am sorry that I did not do right by you this one will forgive this is not the diary of a mad black woman she would forgive and she will stay and she just wants to be told by her you know women are raised >> do you really even think she will forgive >> she will >> she might not heal she might not forget but She would stay. She would forgive and she will continue to be a better woman. She her standards >> where would >> of marriage are not the same with us.
Her standards of marriage, how well you raise your kids in an abusive I know someone who is living.
>> I'm sorry. Let me interrupt you and take this call. This person is calling us a second time. Margaret is calling us from Ega. Good morning Margaret.
>> Good morning.
Um I just want to ship in. Hello. Can you hear me?
>> We can hear you Margaret.
>> Okay. So I think um her point is that she's trying to lay a good example for the children. I think the children is her focus.
>> But to be sincere, I I think the example that she's laying that she is a good one is actually not a good one >> because even the children are not enjoying that home >> the way the the man is treating her.
Yes, >> it could build negative kind of stuff on the children philosophy stuff. So I think it's better when relationship is not working like this, it's better to stay out. I always adise give that space. Even your prayer in that marriage may not work because you are praying out of crush. Mhm.
>> When you give distance, >> protect your children.
The children are watching what that man is doing. She may feel the children when they grow up, they may not take it all.
They will feel like I can't take what my mother went through. So we should always be wise. Even the Bible that we are reading said in everything get wisdom because it is the principal.
>> So there's no wisdom in this.
Thank you so much Margaret Nema. you were saying >> you know so I think >> in everything apply wisdom there's no wisdom here >> no depending on your wisdom I've seen women we we you know we are taugh that some women cannot they will develop immune um whatever diseases when they go through some abuses and you autoimmune diseases then you now see the woman in their 80s but some have defined their lives differently what you call pain is not what they call pain this woman is language lack of better language lack of better understanding of the term she wants to use. She's just asking the church. That's why she's saying it in church that I have endured so much pain.
I have endured loneliness. I have had >> Whereas the man is just training her to be independent. But that's not her view worldview. She's looking at it and thinking I would bear it. I said I know someone who's learned >> who's learned that no matter how wrong, how erroneous or in thinking of her husband is, she would never correct him.
>> Okay. because and she's living in that marriage even when it affects her and her life she will not say a word and she will tell me she'll say a good woman builds her home she quotes that Bible verse all the time when she's advising >> where's the home it's not even there but the home she thinks he's building is giving peace no matter what >> as if the man does not need to give the woman to peace >> okay please let's change that it's not acceptable if there was a time that people used to that no >> you know that we are all sitting on the same table here now I don't any human feeling.
>> I am trying to do I'm trying to do what I have seen which is old an argument for this woman and how she's wired.
>> It doesn't mean that she'll be sad in her old age. She thinks that as long as her children >> she's obviously bitter she this woman is bitter.
>> Yes. So she does not that sorry look at what she could take. If she hears sorry from him she's fine. If they hear >> I'm coming somewhere never finish. If she hears sorry from him she's fine. If she hears that his family says I know you're the best woman. As long as that woman outside they do not accept the woman, she's fine.
>> If she hears her kids say that, mommy after all you went through with daddy, she's fine. She doesn't think that the children will look at her and think what she could have done for herself until that becomes another phase that she's facing. When she is right now, she don't understand them. And sadly, it is.
>> Well, let me tell you something.
>> Why please before you answer that, let me tell Gladis. Gladice is um calling us. Good morning, Gladice.
>> Hello.
>> Good morning. Good morning, beautiful ladies in the house. Amen.
>> Yeah, I'm so happy to be on this show this morning.
>> Thank you.
>> And uh I want to give my quarter of contribution to the topic, the hot topic today. You know, when I was watching that woman talk, I was seeing a confused woman.
>> I was seeing a bitter woman.
>> Mhm.
>> I was seeing someone who is who doesn't even know what she wants at all.
>> Yes.
>> Yes. That's what that that was all what I was seeing on her face. She's not a happy woman >> and living in that toxic environment will not change who she is. It will only add to her bitterness and it will contribute to hating even other people because when you don't love yourself, you can't give love to others.
Unfortunately, >> she hates herself. I look at her like someone who has cared herself so much to subject herself to that kind of toxicity, >> you know. So um she needs a therapy just a therapist just uh just the way said I support her fully she's in the wrong place saying her problems religion the other color listen to what other callers are saying and >> someone said that religion is is is the main problem we have religion has really dealt with her >> she's in a congregation of people who are hating her like the virtuous woman who she is Not. She's thinking she is, but she's not. She's causing herself problems and causing her children problem. You're living with a man who is chasing you around the house with cut glasses. And this man is an unrepentant unrepentant womanizer and all that. And you doing this to your face every day for 5 years. A woman a man is leaving your bedroom to go and sleep with an with a street girl. And you know this.
And then chases you with cutlers every day. And then all you could do is to go around and pick all the casses and throw them away. And then a man that wants to kill you will kill you even in your sleep when you are not even when you are not aware of what is happening. And these things have been happening. We have been seeing these stories. We have been reading them. We have been hearing them. I wonder why she thinks it can't happen to her. She doesn't even love her life. The children she thinks she's protecting. She will die one day and leave the children. I heard her say she doesn't want another one to come and con her children. But one day she will die and other women will come and con those same children that she's thinking she's protecting. And then she's teaching those children. She has she has girls.
She's teaching them that oh you can take all kinds of disrespect from a man. When a man is treating you like this is normal. Yes, that is the virtual of a virtuous woman in Africa because it's only in Africa that we can see that kind of virtuous woman. Africans believe that a woman who stays in your husband's house and tolerates all kinds of things is a virtuous woman. I'm not saying that we should be horrily leaving a husband's house. That's what we are circumstances that warrant you to leave because you will die in her circumstance. She has to leave because she will die one day.
>> Chasing her with cutlas is not it. She will die one day.
>> Yes. So she needs a therapy. If she's hearing me, she needs a therapy.
>> Yes. Thank you so much. Thank you so much, Gladis. You know, this is I'm hearing that. Y you started off with that definitely because immediately she made that confession in church. The pastor actually put it back on her. He says, "Well, in church, you advised to mar to be equally yolked, meaning marry someone who believes in God, who comes to church, who's a Christian, and then mentions that that man hadn't been in church for 3 years." And then he now puts the burden back on her and says, "Find a way to entice him, you that you have gone through 13 years of no intimacy, constant infidelity, >> physical and mental and emotional threats. he's still putting it back on her to find a way to entice that same man to come to church. So obviously the church is not for her. It's not there to help her.
>> So and you know and I'm agree with everyone that say in this case the church is her problem. I also agree that she's confused because she's when she names everything she's done meaning in spite of his cheating I still make sure that there's food for him. I still take care of us financially. I'm still raising the children. I'm doing everything right is what she's saying.
Everything I am doing right >> and yet see where I am. So she's asking for a solution. She's not looking for I don't believe that she's just looking for a story. She's in a she's in a she's in a she's confused. She just wants a way out. And religion is holding her. So for me, I don't think religion definitely she needs therapy. She needs a group of women who understand the importance of be of loving yourself and loving your children. You know when one thing also I hear everyone say is that ah what she's going through the children the female children will think it's something they can accept. How about the male children that think that that is what they expect of women that they meet in their lives. They'll be wondering why they don't have proper relationships because these women don't want to be with men that have turned out like that.
Do we want that also for our son?
This woman is in a serious she needs help and it's not church and is not sorry that she's looking for she wants a way out and she needs to do it.
>> She has had 13 years of training >> knowing that she's doing the right thing.
>> She has had 13 years of training of loneliness. So she does not need to depend on someone. She doesn't she didn't have a companion in 13 years. She only has children.
>> She has had 13 years of training of independence financially because somebody's not footing any bills. The only thing she's there is a certificate of marriage and maybe father papa of children. But she doesn't have a a sexual partner. She doesn't have a companion marriage partner. She's lent independence but she's not accepting it as her next phase.
>> She's the one denying that herself. So I hope she's watching. Sometimes when the men are denying you food, money, help, companionship, everything that they telling you you can do well by yourself.
M I don't know if um Y or Maka have last tips to share because we're wrapping up this conversation.
>> All I can say is that she needs therapy like as in she needs to first accept that you know she's in a bad place and that unforgiveness and and and that forgiveness is not for the other person.
>> It's for you.
>> Y any last words?
>> Um do you think um all these diseases she says she has and they say it's lack of sex. It's not lack of sex. It is lack of um >> self worth >> uh uh >> peace um >> you know mental because >> stress psychological stress >> yes all these things >> you with all that stress you will develop all kinds of ailments your kidneys will not work. So if you want to stay there, start training another woman to look after your children because you will not be there to look after your children. So >> thank you so much ladies. Let's go on a short break. When we return, we will move on to the next topic for the day.
Stay with us. We'll be right back.
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Welcome back and thank you for staying with us. So, a group of women in Enugu state have sparked widespread reactions after taking to the streets to protest the activities of alleged sex workers in their community. The women claimed that the presence of the sex workers has negatively affected family life, accusing them of luring away their husbands and even influencing their sons. The protest has seen has since generated intense debates. While some sympathize with the women and believe they have the right to defend their homes and community values, others argue that the blame may be directed at the wrong people. They insist that married men and adult sons should be held accountable for their own choices.
Anywhere.
Everywhere must be better.
Welcome back. So, the question I think we're going to ask today is, are these women justified in their protest? Or are they unfairly placing responsibility on sex workers instead of the men involved?
Can outsiders truly destroy a home? Or does that responsibility rest with those who make commitments to their families?
Of course, we'd like to hear your thoughts on this video. Um, please join the conversation by calling us on 0201-6352013 or 0924163440.
And remember, you can join us live on DSTV channel 164. Ladies, a group of women have decided, you know what? We're going to fight for our families, our husbands, our sons, and our community.
>> Leave my husband for me. What? SL husbands for us. I don't know who >> Abby interpret what interpret you were saying that these women are very very angry extremely angry that they are fighting sex workers and they say say no to sex workers because they're enticing their husbands taking their husbands from them you know their husbands they service their husbands and everything so that they must go they must go >> hey who do us who do us who do us ah why you don't agree that they should protest us 2026 you know you know before when they do us before before it was okay because we did not know better and we were conditioned but in 2026 we've come far we've come a long way to us >> hi I said do you know my pain this whole thing is the fact that >> the women and the women have made the men passive victims this whole enabling thing that we do Mhm.
>> Then you're fighting the sex workers.
>> I don't know.
>> They open business.
>> They're just protesting.
>> So if I open business is on you to come and buy my business now.
>> Mhm.
>> Abby, >> if nobody comes over a period of time, business, I will close shop now. Not before. I I have but I have >> but if I open business and the business is driving is driving I will expand my business and if I if I'm a customer so if I don't get customer so who is this customer did I force customer to come and buy from me did I force customer to come so and we are not blaming the customer that this men that made a vow to these women broke the vow they are cheating men, they are morally morally bankrupt.
>> Mhm.
>> They can't be trusted. I know the issues the the character of these men, >> but you you woke up dressed up and went to fight the sex workers. We know that there's something called temptation. If they were not there, this man will not.
>> No. See, let's be honest. There's something called temptation. After all, if let us talk about this trade that you made as an example, there are some there are some kinds of trade even in our country where we import some things and we say take out the imported things so that our own can do well. So these people have brought a tempting men.
These are men that you know usually will be with their wives but >> they will not be with their wives.
>> They will not be with their wives. They will be with their mistresses. See it's it's the same. is I can't stand it when I see a married woman go and meet her husband's mistress.
>> Mhm.
>> They leave my husband alone. Leave your husband alone and then they the the mistress will now beat them very well on top.
>> Yes. That meeting they deserve it now >> because how are you going to face your husband your husband you have business don't have business they forgo meet the sex for their sex beat them very well come out from there say ah the small business what >> why we are we encouraging the sex workers >> I am not encouraging anybody I'm saying face your husband in the house don't go I want >> I beg I'm on the women's side >> I trust Hey, >> leave my husband for me. Let me just tell us.
>> Leave our husbands for us out of our community. The women they did not say anybody will broom there. Now they sweep bad come off for community and people parade your street not broom. You will go to that their junction you sweep their bad evil legs out of the community because collect serious beauty that's the assumption because they not go as what they call it in we have what we call women I don't get to rap and blouse if me and my colleague wives from my husband's side we tie our rapper I pity the sex worker that survive it wait for it and see going to tell you when we are done You want to wait the community. If we tell you we don't want your trade, your trade is affecting our family. Second, the most important unit of society. We say we not want for our community. Some communities collectively agree on their traditions. Did you listen to the >> Excuse me. Can I ask you this question?
>> Before you collectively anything, the husbands, we coming back talking about the husband.
>> We are coming back to the husbands. But first we first of all before we come back for the other one.
You see that man we come back to him.
But you see the women carry your seductive trait cleavage opening body and all of the things that are parading on the street giving them ideas.
>> Mhm.
>> Because you rapper was seductive. If I tie rapper in the house he will be enticed. If I t rapper I do not even he will be seduced. But until you came >> Mhm. with blush.
>> You started giving him options he didn't have in the beginning and then you options because you have already used something. You will now be able to give him monkey shadow all the other shadow the man will not go and lay your own shadow. Now >> do you realize that sex workers go that this man will still find a morally bankrupt human being >> in this kind of community morally bankrupt human being?
>> No two no in this why you're messing it up. Sex worker and polygamy is different.
>> Okay. In this kind of community, what you will have is co-wife.
>> Society unit, family unit will not be badly >> the way it's like drugs.
>> Yes.
>> You bring you bring drugs into a community. You say >> no to sex worker in our community. My hand is not there. If you try it, I come to your community try to beat me. I go back and and I bring repriser me and my co- women we come back only God know repriser when the sex worker equip themsel well well I face you the way they face your husband >> I said the sex worker how many of them compared to all the women in the community can >> you don't know how many they are >> these ones are not violent women now so one sex worker now think she wants to be violent go and beat one of them oh she should have pro >> we're not focusing on the on the cancer who is the cancer We focusing on the on on the individual that should take responsibility. We focus on them but leave our husbands alone.
>> Wear cloth walking around.
>> I would like I wish men could call us.
What makes a man leave his home?
>> It's escape.
>> Okay.
>> It's escape.
>> What is not justifying adultery? No. No.
But I'm just saying that men they once in a while want to do these things.
Escape. But if you now put it as >> Why don't you find a a decent woman? Why must you be go to a sex worker? That's the problem >> because the community are filled with decent women. So they will not find >> double standards. So in some communities men don't want to be seen as polygamist or the women have even told them it's only me can only marry one wife because have taught us. Nobody's having co-wives again sisters in the marriage and all of that. They don't have it again.
>> No. But there's also responsibility of marrying a wife. But do you realize that sex work in the world in the world?
>> Of what? Women without women without what?
>> Women without morals now. Yes. Now, of course, and let me tell you something else.
>> Don't use broom and sweep all their bad morals away.
>> And why why why is sex why is this sex workers business the oldest business in the world? And why is it that with time with changes with things evolution it has not gone out? Why >> you don't say sex workers retirement >> because no because they have customers that have refused to stop being customers because there's a need they are servicing >> because we if you don't take out the cancer this as a mixing it not every sex worker is actually there to meet needs some are there to destroy society >> some their goal is to be cheaper give cheaper and lose options I'm coming somewhere that's not true >> you never see man where they dignity made that so I think there was one point there was a point that nim when you're talking about um instead of having co-wives they are meeting the sex workers >> co-wife is more expensive than a sex worker >> that's the thing cheaper women that's say cheaper options these women they they too know that they don't have anything they want to make in life they say okay this this unit this marriage unit that's my profession I want to be targeting it >> even when the men sometimes don't come there once a man is at a bar. That's why they say alcohol and this thing go together. They they'll be using that time when he's intoxicated to be seducing him and making him forget.
>> Why did you go and intoxicate in their house?
>> No. For drinking it does not mean >> he should intoxicate in his house. I mean he has beer in his house.
>> People should put the onus on the man that don't have >> you cannot put it.
>> He's not disciplined. morally upright women will not be in that business and they will be concerned about how their actions, their threat is affecting society.
>> They want to be concerned about it.
We're going to make them.
>> Well, but let's also look at it. I know in this case it may seem a little bit funny because they seem like these are women of a particular, you know, community. But sex work has become more international than that.
>> Okay, >> we are dealing with a different kind of sex work these days. We seem to even have them in you know um they they dress it they call it different sort of names now >> and in those things they call ah on on all these Twitter and things ah >> what are you talking about the >> these women >> fan club >> no not fan club um ladies that >> ladies that go out >> okay escort >> the escort the club escort There's another name.
>> Hook up.
>> Thank you.
>> That's why I said that the sex workers not problem.
>> This the men know what they are doing.
>> So obviously there's a need and I want to ask decent women in the community as you said this is the oldest profession in the world and is evolving as the world is evolving. If there's a need, when when is it when is it the right time for us to be >> to be honest with ourselves about this need that men have and then maybe we see this thing differently.
>> Which need >> the need to have options.
>> Ah am I man this a man? No, no, no. Let us talk about No, >> can we bring any man from the studio?
>> There is a need that men have no answer that question.
>> Whether they are poor or rich, whether they living in the village or they living in the city, there is a need for escape for escape.
>> Is there a time where women now need to be honest with themselves that there is a need that this group of women there's a need that they provide for? And so accept them, >> know, let them understand their place and then we move on peacefully.
>> Well, men have sexual needs. So as women >> and men are more adventurous sometimes than women in their sexual needs. So you have yellow at home. You want to know how black is. You have black at home.
Ah, I've been hearing this woman is freshest. You get the freshest.
>> The freshest of the fresh >> of the freshest. You know why she needed the point hand my side.
Now you fresh on this table. Our only child on the table. Men have that adventurous things. They want to know.
They want to explore more. But a man who has now um who is um more in control of himself. Somebody feel who is more responsible and accountable would know that this is a small children thing. So most men that remain in their small boys brain, they do it >> continuously. I'd see women accepting because in Africa a man can have more than 30 and they will be all born for sleep with the women don't didn't used to bother but as an exposure now where we think >> but which is easier to get do we want co-wives or do we prefer you go outside do your thing and come >> no your co-wife is your your hed mom for your kids in case of anything your sister your a good woman that can be there you you build a relationship but we no longer view this relationship honestly. So what I can hear you say is that 90% of men are in their boyhood mind mindset.
>> You say 90% of them are cheating.
>> Okay. Yes.
>> That means any way they >> because because all these broels all these hookups all these things that we see going on let's not lie to ourselves.
>> All these people are outside. M >> so you're trying to tell that all these men that are outside now >> they their boyhood >> yes they immature mature men so what we are dealing with is like less than 10% mature men in the world wow I agree I think so that's really scary I think so >> does a woman prefer to have her husband have 10 15 co-wives or she's willing to accept a man that goes out takes care of his need and escape and face his life >> that is subjective >> and comes back faces his family depends on he doesn't even remember the person.
>> Yes.
>> Can you come?
>> It depends on the women. Depends on >> Is it better a side chick or a sex worker? A side chick has has um needs she wants to be in his life. She wants Valentine's Day too, Christmas holiday.
Probably she may decide she wants to have a child. But a sex worker doesn't ask for all that. Maybe the sex worker just needs to take care of man that is supporting the contribution the financial contribution >> for a sex worker is per time per use but a sex chick side chick needs a bike.
>> Okay.
>> Welcome.
>> Mhm.
>> I want to know you from afar. I want to know the size and everything because less this lesser risk. I want to be able to say this one, I know what she's doing. If he comes home and he's eat pepper, I've been at the she, you know, I want to be able to point at what is the protects me to know her particularly from sexual >> you know there are some men that will have like um men of your religion that will have four wives and still have mistresses outside.
You know, I said that they were doing one topic when the guy had toasted the girl and the girl found out he was married. When she came out, you saw him at another place with the whole family.
>> That's not a Muslim man. But the the ones that are still boys whose minds are not formed. They refuse to mature.
They'll be your hands. It does not protect you from sexually transmitted diseases because you don't know what that woman >> whether she has a a sugar boy, whether she has other men. And then you you feel like you know her just she's the only one your husband is going to you don't know what she said and she might be cheating on him and back and he's coming back to you if they will not like it.
>> No one good.
>> They should apply Sharia to her. She will not like it. It is a mutual it is her and him and that's what polygamy is. It's not him. So someone said yes someone said ei said now so my friend husband go tire massage please and they asked him if he wanted happy ending.
>> Wow.
>> The man said no without even knowing what it meant. When he told his wife she said now sex they offer you.
>> So that's what I'm saying. This thing is evolving is in every part of our community now.
>> Mhm.
>> We need to be careful.
>> Are we saying YouTube?
>> But anyway. Yes please. YouTube messages. M I'm trying to look for >> okay I have a let me take this message um someone sent says I get really sad when I see these things as a as mothers we must learn to have a voice and be bold enough to look at our situation from the outside so she's talking about the first topic I bet you she was advising someone else she would know the right things to say our parents did us a disservice we have been wired to accept so many abnormal things and call it normal as a mother she should do differently by her kids and bring them up to understand that what is normal for many should be unacceptable. This is Mrs. Tjani that sent this.
>> So that's the first um story. She's saying that we accept some things as normal because we have been conditioned to do so. But we must change it for the next generation. They must know that these things that are seen as normal >> are not normal. any other just reason says that um the truth is that some of the women that are married now into polygamy that or just at the loose end they usually had been the man's hookup at some point.
>> Mhm. Of course you have to you have to take it from the pool. No, no. When you even see hookup >> hookups these days, >> come it's let's leave it >> I try to talk that women who who are married >> you know I'm saying that the cancer we need to concentrate on >> concentrate on the men.
>> Yes the cancer the men we need to talk about the men what do we want what advice do we have for these men?
You see, that's why I said those women protesting >> should have protested to their husbands in the house.
>> If I if I have a problem with my husband because he's going out on my man because she's going out to meet another woman. I am not going to go and meet the woman.
It is that husband of mine >> that I will face how happen. No, no, no, no, no. So, >> I do not ever agree with going to meet the woman outside. face your own husband talking but you can do you can do various things at the same time you can do both >> yeah I like this comment that says send your account number let me credit you today okay >> for this so please send me a DMA >> is a man that wants to credit >> no it's absa he's a woman maybe she likes my point thank you >> is a Muslim like you now >> send me a DM let me send him account number what advice do we have for men or for boys who use these services because I heard that long time ago many in the olden days these women were actually used to introduce boys to learning about how to intimate with women >> when they were wild.
>> Yes.
>> So their wild oat are the cost.
>> So they how how do we want to see our men? What advice do we have for them?
Our sons. Okay. If maybe the men the husbands are too far gone. How about our sons? How do we raise them so that they don't think that a sex worker is something that they should even go to?
See um >> ask Nemo.
>> Nemo knows YK must answer this question.
Answer YK have one because YK support this tra that's what she's saying.
>> I didn't say that.
>> Oh yeah. Answer then.
>> I said face the women. Which answer?
>> Answer now.
>> No. They say the question is how do you raise your boys? Not to >> I don't have son. You you have son. You talk. How do you how do you raise your son?
>> Okay. You raised an adult man that I don't want to mention but let me leave anyway. I just Okay. Um me I believe that it is not something virtuous. It is not something to be considered at all.
That's how I was raised. That's how the men in my circle were raised.
>> We do not consider such thing. It's not for us. It should not be seen. And it goes to the core of your union. It violates it. It's also a huge disrespect to your partner that you end up with to bring such to bring them to consider whether you are you to worry about where you are what you do part time whether they see you they don't see you be faithful to that marriage if you are tired of the marriage come they be saying that one divorce honorably move on and chest your choice no need to name names and call the woman at home she did not do she did not meet it she does not give me shadow style she she's not a good woman she does not cook for me >> she's How will you raise your son?
>> I'm raising my son to be virtuous, >> to consider something something dis immoral to >> and disgusting. That's all. Thank you so much. She make it.
>> Ladies, thank you again for for our conversation today.
>> Treat the conversation.
>> Maybe we'll do a part two where will come and tell us exactly the way to go.
The cancer.
>> She wants to talk to the men. She never rest until she abuse the men.
>> Okay.
>> I don't want >> I will give another chance maybe next tomorrow. you can come and talk about the men. Um, >> thank you guys for talking about the men and our viewers. Thank you for joining us today. Um, we will see you tomorrow for another interesting episode. Bye for now.
Heat. Heat.
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