"Whatever Happened To Courting?!" | Data Shows Drop In Big Age Gaps For Marriages

[00:00:00]Let's get into this relationship story which I think is rather interesting. A load of data has come out and one of the things that we've discovered from the office for national statistics is that there's an erading change and this erading change is about the fact that people who eventually decide to get married and they're waiting longer generations beneath mine are waiting longer to get hitched now. But when they do, they're more likely than ever to be of a similar age.

[00:00:32]I'll just give you some comparison. The median back in 2001 was for the groom to be 2 years older. The new normal is for him to be just one year older. But it also appears that big gaps of age are no longer fashionable. The proportion of marriages where the groom was at least a decade his bride senior has dropped from almost 12% to 7.5% in the past 25 years.

[00:00:58]Likewise, the likelihood of a bride uh 10 years older or more has gone from a rare 2 and a half% to a vanishing 1.3%. Um I'm going to declare an interest here. I am married to. All right, let guess. Am I married to a woman who is much older than me or much younger?

[00:01:18]What do we think people behind the glass? I can't hear anyone.

[00:01:25]You think you think younger, James? You think you think older? What do you think? Are you older? I am current I am currently married to a woman. Just just so you're clear, I am married to a woman who is seven years older.

[00:01:47]So, I'm interested in this for all kinds of reasons and um I won't go into the details of the life of the current Mrs. Barks. Uh but I would say gentlemen, life's too short to marry a woman who's a lot younger than you. You really don't want to hassle. Let's get a view on this. This is uh Nadia Essex, relationship expert who joins us. Good evening.

[00:02:08]>> Hello. Are you there?

[00:02:09]>> Hello.

[00:02:10]>> My lovely. Good to hear you and good to see you as well. What What do you make of this this this bit of data that now reveals that age gaps that used to exist in marriages are no longer a thing?

[00:02:24]>> Well, I don't think it's that surprising. I I honestly think that um marriage has become something that for women is um almost undesirable uh in comparison to what it used to be back in the day. You know, you used to sort of from birth be told that you know getting married and settling down was the the goal in life. Um, and it just isn't that anymore with the growth of things like social media, with the growth of things like um, access to different generations and seeing on Tik Tok, you know, older women who are not married, who are living their very best lives. I think younger women are rep prioritizing marriage until they get a bit older. When you think, okay, I've got my career. I've I've, you know, been on the holidays. I've been around the block and now I want to settle down.

[00:03:19]>> So, are we saying that social media is to blame for the decline in marriage?

[00:03:24]>> Well, no. I think it's the the poor standards of men.

[00:03:28]>> Okay. Well, this is interesting. I feel I feel that I've got to go into bat for my fellow blo. I mean, why why do you what do you believe the standards of men have dropped over the years? You do.

[00:03:38]You're nodding away. Why? What What's the matter with them?

[00:03:41]>> I I think ultimately we were in a patriarchy. And I think that if you look at the state of the world, it's quite obvious that the patriarchy just doesn't work. You know, men aren't happy, women aren't happy. The society as a whole right now aren't happy. You've got, you know, the the rise of um, you know, the lonely men who are just, you know, getting lonier and lonier, but it's simply because they refuse to engage or be in any way interested in women and the things that women have to go through. You know, you just have to ask a man about his biggest fear on a first date. And that is usually that the woman walks in and she's fat. The biggest fear for a woman on a first date is that she gets murdered. You know, we're just living two completely different lives.

[00:04:23]And so, um, yeah, I think it's it's that the bar of men is so low that actually if a man just took an interest in actually the female experience and knew a little bit about what women go through and how difficult it is for us, you know, dayto-day, the things we have to think about.

[00:04:41]>> Yeah. men would be winning, but they just can't be bothered. And >> well, you see, this this is really interesting. And I mean, you know, obviously I've got a few years on you.

[00:04:49]So, my dating experience, I mean, you used to involve going to pubs, right?

[00:04:54]You know, and you meet a human being and you have a conversation and you might say, "Would you like a drink?" And if it was going nice, you might, this is not a euphemism, you might just go, "Should you go and get a kebab, right?" You know, so online dating and anything of that kind of vibe is way off my radar.

[00:05:08]So, I've got no idea. But I'm struck by something you say and I think with the greatest of respect it seems like you're blaming blo for a lot of the problems here and I'm a bloke so I'm going to go into bat for blo but just a little bit okay because I think you're partly right. Um it's never been easier with social media and the internet to find out what women want. Right? I mean there are dozens of websites there magazine articles all over the place. You know if you're a bloke and you can't find a G-spot you can go online and get a bloody map. Right? It's never been easier. So, are you just saying that we now live in a in a world where despite that information being there, men are of such a low quality, such a low standard that they don't even have it in them to go online and go, I'm going on a first date and I've worked out how I'm going to have a really nice, engaging evening, which means I'm going to get a second date.

[00:05:55]>> Yeah. Because I think, you know, the the younger men certainly don't think like that. They don't go into a date thinking what I put in, I get out. Yeah.

[00:06:10]Can I get sex? Can we, you know, are we going to go 50/50? and the the kind of young men and I don't want to blame people like Andrew Tate and things like that but it's like you're constantly as a young man I would from what I see anyone from what I hear from people is that you're seeing men >> being really loud on social media about um you know women being beneath them and they're you know all that and not they're lower than them and they're not working but they're not proper men they're not proper men I mean come on that that can't be the run of the boys don't know that, >> right?

[00:06:47]>> No, but the boys don't know that. And then I and then it it is about just men kind of taking a step back from like the manosphere and all the things that they're getting they're seeing online and thinking to themselves, okay, this isn't, like you said, this is another human being. We're going on a date. I really want this to go well. What can I do to make sure this date goes well? And many men don't do that and they don't even bother. I mean, the amount of people that will turn up on a first date as a man and will not even have like a clean top on or, you know, dirty shoes and things like that. And women, you know, if we're going on a date, nine times out of 10, we are we've put a lot of effort and time into getting ready, makeup, and all that. We're going on the date because we hope that there will be potential into a relationship for this.

[00:07:38]So it it just again it's the difference in mindset of going on the date in the first place.

[00:07:43]>> This this chat and it's an interesting one. It's gone off in a slightly different direction because I did want to talk about age gaps in marriages and relationships and whether or not it matters. And I will ask you to specifically answer that before we wrap it up because I'm interested in that.

[00:07:55]But you've taken it in a really interesting direction cuz it's it's not a world that I've had any reason to be involved in. But I mean, are men really that bloody useless now that they turn up on a first date, they can't be bothered to brush their teeth or wear something nice and shiny or polish their shoes? And I mean, that just sets the tone because that's massively disrespectful. I mean, is is that widespread that >> and I I just you just have to I mean go online and have a look. I one of my girlfriends messaged me today this morning. She had three dates set up. The first date he didn't even bother asking her any questions on the date at all.

[00:08:31]She was absolutely she might have been on it was well >> let me just interrupt you. He wasn't a broadcaster was he by any chance cuz I'll tell you what if you go on a date with a broadcaster they will just talk about themselves but go on.

[00:08:40]>> Yeah. Um the second date uh he didn't even he didn't bother to said yes let's go out on the Friday and then didn't even bother to make the plans or tell her where it was. So she was constantly having to chase and then she was like I'm going to give up. So she's like I've got one date left. I'm already >> Let me Let me just interrupt you about that because I'm interested in that because I know blo dictatorial saying you need to be here at this time and this is what we're doing because they think that would be a turnoff. Are you saying that actually that's what the majority of women expect and want?

[00:09:15]>> Well, who told them it's a turnoff? This is what men have been doing for for it's called courting.

[00:09:22]>> Courting. Courting. I've not heard that expression for years.

[00:09:26]>> Yes, this is I mean what what the heck is wrong with people? Of course, you know, there's nothing more >> something out of a Jane Austin novel.

[00:09:33]>> But it's lovely. If a man says to me, right, Friday night 7:30, I'm going to, you know, a taxi will pick you up. We're going for a lovely dinner. This is the dress code. Be there. It's wonderful. It feels romantic. It feel women, it's not about the money. It's about the effort.

[00:09:52]Yes. And the only way you know if a man is really interested in you is if the effort that he's going to put into you.

[00:09:58]Because many many men will go on a date and have absolutely no intention of seeing you again but just to pass the time because he'd rather be across with a woman out in a restaurant than sitting at home by himself. Okay?

[00:10:10]>> And we don't know that as women. The only way you can tell if a man really likes you is the effort he puts into you. So if he can't be bothered to put any effort into you, then already that's a red flag.

[00:10:20]>> Understood. Let's just uh wrap up this fascinating chat and talk about age gaps. Do you think age gaps matter in any kind of relationship?

[00:10:28]>> Yeah. I mean, I personally love an age gap. I I'm a I I think age gaps are great.

[00:10:32]>> What direction? Older or younger?

[00:10:35]>> I think uh men older and younger women because I think that men mature later and so there's more synergy. Not too much. A man a woman in her 20s and a man in her 50s is got nothing in common.

[00:10:47]Let's be real. You know, the the woman in their 20s doesn't know a life before the internet existed. A man in his 50s does. They grew up in very different times. But, you know, I'm 44 and I wouldn't date anybody younger than me.

[00:11:02]>> You're resolute on that, aren't you?

[00:11:04]Listen, Nadia, it's been fascinating.

[00:11:05]I'm always in one. Thank you, Nadia Essex, relationship expert. I found that a bit of a revelation actually. We should have done this earlier in the show so we could get a few more dating calls on the air. I'm kind of sitting here just going, I'll tell you what, if the car and Mrs. Barks decide she's had enough, and who wouldn't blame her? I'm I I'm not I wouldn't go back on the dating scene. I'll just get myself a Labrador set in the pub.