THE TOXIC SIDE OF AMERICA...

[00:00:07]There are some things that our kids pick up uh when they live in America, either through schooling or just being a regular kid living in a regular neighborhood in America. things that uh change who they are or who we want them to be in ways that when we come back with them to Africa, they're going to have a hard time fitting in.

[00:00:31]As you know, many of us have dreams of coming back to Africa eventually.

[00:00:37]Uh hopefully our kids can join us in that journey. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[00:00:43]But I want to share with you one of the things about the American society that our kids pick up oftenimes in very subtle ways through school, through hanging out with other kids and everything else that really makes them think differently, makes them behave very differently. So when they come home, often they are strangers even when they speak our language. I meet a lot of kids here in the village who were born and raised in America but still come here and some of them have a hard time in part because of some of these things that they pick up leaving and growing up in America. One of those is the so-called American exceptionalism and I'll give you examples.

[00:01:26]Uh there's a game called American football. I think they should just call it hand ball cuz most of what they do is they throw things by their hands and then they call it football.

[00:01:36]It's a game that is, of course, highly popular in America.

[00:01:41]Outside here, you'll barely find anybody that plays uh American football.

[00:01:49]Same thing with uh baseball. Baseball is very popular in America. Out here, once you leave America, not too many people pay attention to baseball. Instead, people pay attention to soccer and cricket.

[00:02:05]Now, if you win American football, you become a world champion.

[00:02:13]Even though there's not a single team often that comes from outside North America. It's an American thing, but you win in America, you become a world champion.

[00:02:23]Those of us who live out here find that really bonkers. Same thing with cricket.

[00:02:28]I think they call it World Series.

[00:02:31]Some less informed people will argue that yes, some players come from elsewhere, but that's not how it works.

[00:02:36]In the real world, for it to be called world anything, you have teams from other countries, not necessarily individuals from elsewhere.

[00:02:45]But yes, in America, if you can beat fellow Americans in something, you become a world champion.

[00:02:52]I'm not saying this America. I'm only talking about this issue just to explain to you why when American Americans come out here, they often struggle fitting in and I'm observing that with our kids who were born and raised in America and are trying to fit back in here that there are certain cultural uh attitudes that they develop certain ways of thinking that set them apart from everybody else and one of those is American exceptionalism.

[00:03:21]I remember the first time I played the game Monopoly for folks who know what that is. If you don't know what it is, look it up. I was just distraught.

[00:03:31]I was like, you mean you win by terrorizing everybody else?

[00:03:38]And maybe that's what sports generally is. But Malipoli, that thing disturbed me. I I I played it one time and I've never played it again.

[00:03:46]So yes, America is not perfect. America is wonderful as I've always said in many many ways. I'm forever grateful for the opportunity. If I had to do it, I'll do it again. But uh there's some things that our kids pick up in America that really makes it difficult for them to adjust here. So I'm I'm sharing this because a lot of immigrant parents I know don't seem to see those things. And even if they see they see them, they don't know how to address those things in ways that prepare our kids for life here outside America when our kids are brutal. And by the way, many of middle inome parents, especially white parents, tend to get their kids to travel outside the US. And kids who have traveled and lived outside the US are often folks that think very differently and are much better adjusted than our kids who barely get the opportunity to leave. So, I'm going to explain to you why this idea of American exceptionalism can be problematic, especially for African immigrant kids who are planning at some point to have a life outside America.

[00:04:48]But before we do all that, let me show you my lunch. It's 1:00 p.m. Uh, as always, I have to take a lunch break, which has to be at least an hour, often 2 hours. I've been listening to uh Roomba music or just hunger music while enjoying my simple lunch. And of course, I got to show you what it is. Usually, it's almost the same thing. I switch between few things here and there, but yeah, this is my lunch. Let me show you.

[00:05:13]Yeah. So, all I have this this uh afternoon is just And I have avocado.

[00:05:19]Look at the size of this avocado. Look at my hand. And I'm 62. You can only imagine how big this avocado is. And of course, this comes to us for free. So, I'm going to slice it. Put it in here.

[00:05:32]Just some salt, water, and this would be perfect for lunch.

[00:05:37]All right, so let me uh cut it open.

[00:05:42]See what pops up. But yeah, and by the way, I found that one of the best ways to preserve avocados is to take it as it is, put it in take like a container, put water in it, and then you dip the avocados and put it in the refrigerator.

[00:05:57]It takes such a long time before it spoils. Cuz the challenge I have is that we have so much avocado. They all rip it up around the same time. And so to preserve it, put it in water and then voila. This one has taken a good bit. So look, look at all this yumminess.

[00:06:16]Yellow. And they were very thick and very rich in flavor. So I'll put some of this uh in yoyo.

[00:06:24]Uh put some salt.

[00:06:26]And that will be it for for lunch. So anyway, uh let me set it up real quick and then we'll continue our conversation.

[00:06:36]So anyway folks, let's finish the conversation, then I can just enjoy my lunch in peace for the next 2 hours. So the first problem with this idea of American exceptionalism that our kids pick up both from social media, mainstream media, sports, school, everything around them teaches them that America is the best. Meaning everybody else is behind America. No matter what it is, whether it's healthcare, education, whatnot, America is the best.

[00:07:08]So the challenge with that is that uh often uh immigrant kids grew up thinking that because America is the best, they have to perform which is a good thing. But the kind of pressure it puts on kids can be really intense to the extent that whenever our kids are not doing well for a reason or the other, then they end up blaming themselves. Because if you are already in the best system, you're in the best country, the best schools, how come you're not doing well as an individual, what that makes uh uh what that uh does is that it doesn't allow for conversations about the flaws in the system.

[00:07:50]There are many many things built up in systems that make it difficult for kids to succeed despite all the good things you have. For example, uh Americans have this crazy thing that uh for the most part, you're supposed to go to schools in your neighborhood.

[00:08:04]There are exceptions or all of like in Long Beach, my kids can pretty much go anywhere. But in many schools, your kids can only go to schools in their neighborhood. In fact, you could be sent to jail if you take your child to a different neighborhood.

[00:08:18]And often the the the value of the school will depend on the on the uh economic status of that neighborhood. So often poor neighborhoods have super super underresourced schools. Rich neighborhoods the exact opposite. So that even when you have hardworking kids in those neighborhoods, life can still be really tough when they're in tough neighborhoods.

[00:08:40]So that idea that uh you're in the best and so if you're failing, it is your fault is something that really gets to our kids.

[00:08:48]And then secondly, this idea of uh America being ex exceptional also really erases the hard work that uh immigrant parents do. Yes, America is really good on some level. But just because you're inside America doesn't mean you're going to succeed. A good bit of the success you see in our kids has to do with the hard work that parents put in. And so this idea of America being the hero really wipes out the idea that parents also put in work. Uh and their efforts are hardly visible. And then that said, uh it also minimizes what we call structural barriers within the system like racism. Like what do you mean? And often they will use different immigrant groups. They say if Asians are doing well, how come black people are not doing well? then maybe it's because the black people are XYZ and that's why they're not doing well. And those kinds of really uh uh those kinds of explanations are very well in very usually and not very well informed because each community has a very different history.

[00:09:54]The black community in America has had a very different history compared to many Asian groups. And so you simply can't say that oh if Chinese can come and do well here then how come black people not doing well?

[00:10:06]You have to really understand the nuance behind the histories and how folks arrived at where they are. And then it turns uh almost gratitude into an obligation. You need to be thankful. You cannot criticize America.

[00:10:22]And like I said earlier, America is wonderful, but it's it's not perfect.

[00:10:27]And that is why we have to allow room for our kids to also see the parts of America that doesn't work. And so some of my audiences struggle with that when I talk about the imperfect side of America. Some people think I'm just busy dissing America. No, there's always multiple sides to a story. What you'll see online is how America is wonderful, which is true. But then there are many many uh uh parts of America that are not perfect. And so I tell you, if you don't live in America, some of our kids who are coming back right now still have that mental set that America is the best. So then why even bother learning from other people? If you live in the best country, you went through the best education system, why bother learning from other people?

[00:11:09]This is one of the reason I often recommend that for all kids America, immigrant or not, give kids an opportunity to experience life outside the US. Have them travel to Africa, let them travel to South America, let them travel to Europe, just different parts of Africa. you will raise a very different individual because the people who put in their heads that they are the best are often some of the most difficult people to work with because when they come out here and that happens to us immigrants too when we also adopt that attitude that America is the best when we come back home everything is trash the roads are trash every everything is bad and sometimes what we call bad simply means it's different uh so anyway I hope you you aware of these kinds of things and you're doing something to make sure that your child walks out of America with a global mindset, with a culturally responsive mindset where they are more willing to engage with people who think differently, who act differently and they can adapt to systems outside the US. We are all coming back, but I hope we are prepared to do so. Thank you guys. I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.

[00:12:16][music] Hey, hey, hey.