Clearly Hate You Both | WWDD/Heauxmetown Heroes w/ Katie Maloney & Dayna Kathan

[00:00:00]Oh, princess. Hello. What?

[00:00:03]>> Hello, princess. What is that? That is a Tik Tok sound.

[00:00:06]>> Oh, no. Jack's laughing. Jack's Jack Jack's chronically online. Must have missed that one.

[00:00:09]>> Hello, my princess. Cuz I haven't seen you in 84 years.

[00:00:12]>> I know. It's been so long. I've been I was gone forever. I hit four cities, five airplanes, four hotels, and had a wonderful time.

[00:00:22]>> Bus, club, plane, another bus, another club.

[00:00:26]>> No sleep, no fear. No one believed I could do it. And you did.

[00:00:30]>> I did.

[00:00:31]>> And you're here. And I'm here.

[00:00:33]>> Welcome to Disrespectfully with Katie Maloney and Dana Cathan.

[00:00:37]Unapologetically. We're here to do what we want to do. Spilling the tea. Babe, you're going to see the power of women like disrespectfully.

[00:00:46]Tell us about your flight home because you were in rare form. And it's funny how you always do this in New York because that happened to us. I do this.

[00:00:54]It's it's it's especially in New York that brings it out of me. But I'm that person that will have a nice civil vacation trip away somewhere and the last night I do my big one and I'm so hung over and in terrible shape going home. But I was actually pretty I was thriving. Not going to lie. I could tell based on your text like what a kooky mood you're in. I was like, "Oh, she's still a little drunk." Um, I was so happy because on the way home we were flying Delta 1 and if you know, you know. When you go to like JFK for instance, you have your own separate like TSA check-in and it just goes walks you right into the Delta 1 lounge which trumps all the other lounges. It's so fancy and nice. But on the way to the airport, I was like, I'm not doing well.

[00:01:35]So, I hit my weed pen cuz that always helps, you know, sort of level me out but also like kind of makes me feel crazy. And then we got to lounge and I had a couple glasses of champagne and got on the plane and had a little nice cruise home.

[00:01:48]>> Yeah. I always just start glug glugging it up as all people with um substance abuse issues do.

[00:01:53]>> Can I tell you about the the my big night? I would love to hear about your big night.

[00:01:56]>> It was so funny. It was like such like a [ __ ] New York day. It starts off I was going to do the Get Real podcast for Hulu and I was like getting out of the elevator at my hotel and then I see Michelle from the valley getting onto the like the elevator at the hotel and I was like oh my god so random. Hello. I get to the building. I'm like this is like right around where the Watch What Happens Live building is. I was like oh my god this is the Watch What Happens Live building which is on another floor.

[00:02:23]I ran into someone else I knew on the elevator there. Anyways, went and did the podcast with Amanda Hirs and Matt Rogers and it was so much fun. Make sure you watch it only on Hulu. And then um after that I went to go do Taylor Shreker's podcast and then after that me, Taylor and Nick met up with Teddy, Taylor's wife, for for dinner. And we're sitting at Mr. Chow and Tribeca. And I mean it's just that's like such a funny area cuz it's like a lot of fancy famous people around there. Like we're sitting there and then at one point we see like boy George walk in to the restaurant and then we see PK cuz I forgot that PK was his manager.

[00:03:00]>> Wait, I was literally about to make a joke and I was like, "Was PK there?" Oh, >> PK was there.

[00:03:04]>> I thought that they parted ways. I saw him on some podcast but maybe they're still friends.

[00:03:07]>> Maybe they're still friends but I don't know. And then we're at one point PK's standing outside the restaurant and Taylor Striker goes, "PK, I'm a big fan." And he comes over and he goes, "Wait, I know you." I'm like, "Ravvo, obviously." and we like had a little chat and then me, Nick, and the tailor went to Marie's Crisis, which is like one of New York's best bars possible.

[00:03:25]It's like a piano bar, but it's all like show tunes and everyone just like sings their hearts out. And I ran into some of the casts from Rocky Horror Picture So.

[00:03:33]One of them is Harvey, who was in Chicago with Ariana.

[00:03:37]>> I love Harvey was in What We Do in the Shadows, which is Llo's namesake. We love Harvey. And then um me and Taylor Shugger went outside to have a little camera crush moment and I was sitting there smoking and all a sudden I hear Katie and I was like I look up and it's Andy Cohen just walking down the street and I was like holy [ __ ] Like what is this crazy like bravo reunion I'm having in New York. But yeah, it was it was it was like the most fun [ __ ] night ever. But of course like drank way too much. What did you and Andy talk about?

[00:04:06]They're going to hear Andy and want to know. Did he give you any tidbits about the summerhouse debacle? Did you just see how you were doing?

[00:04:12]>> It was a really quick little catch up and I did I said, "Congrats on your new man. He's fine. So, good job on you."

[00:04:19]And he seems very happy about that. He looks amazing as usual. And then I was just like, "Let's do watch what happens live again." Incredible. He's like, "Sure, yeah, let's um but it was it was fun." I also admire the weed pen and some prolific stoner who's escaping. It was a man who said this, but he was like, "I don't understand people who drink and don't smoke weed because how do you get through that?" Because it's so good for hangovers.

[00:04:44]>> It's just another my top two reasons I'm jealous that marijuana sends me to psychosis. Number one, I think it's chic. I love a stoner, especially a woman that smokes weed. I'm like, "Oh, you're cool."

[00:04:55]>> Number two, I'm hung over. So, what am I supposed to do about that? You know, again, it's like the gluglug and the other things, but I think that the real cure is a Jay, you know?

[00:05:04]>> Yeah. I mean it's just if you if you don't have any respons I don't I wouldn't do this on a day where I had to like be productive in any kind of matter. I was literally just flying home all day. So I allow myself to indulge in that and it really really does help take the edge off of things. Otherwise I'm just suffering. I just suffer through it. Like Nick was like man I wish you just get a little high with me right now. But but yeah but we had such a [ __ ] awesome time. Shout out to everyone I ran into at Warp Tour who's a fan of the pod. Thank you very much for listening and for sharing your love with me. But yeah, the boys had three killer shows. They played a show in Raleigh, North Carolina with an insane crowd.

[00:05:46]Everyone was so loud and amazing. And then they did a little instore acoustic set on their album release day in Washington DC. And then we did DC Warpour and they [ __ ] killed it there too. Super rad.

[00:06:00]>> Raleigh, which is our Raleigh's namesake, by the way.

[00:06:03]>> I have a little present for her.

[00:06:05]>> Okay. Well, don't tell her right now.

[00:06:06]She No, she's been listening late. She's busy as [ __ ] >> Well, while you were doing that, I was in Seattle at my niece's first ballet recital. So, we had a very different experience. It was >> I like that we were sharing like going back and forth, sharing our pictures and videos of like what we were doing in that moment. And they could not have been more of a stark difference.

[00:06:23]>> We were like our core group of friends.

[00:06:25]We were like everyone was separated for the first time in a long time. And it like Raleigh was out of town, you Nick were out of town, I was out of town, Caleb was in town, but like everyone was doing different things and it was like those TikToks that are like when the group is on their own side quests and it like shows what they're doing and mine was so wholesome, which surprisingly we think that I would be one of the troublemakers, but I wasn't. You guys carried that torch. I loved to see it.

[00:06:47]>> Yeah.

[00:06:47]>> But I'm happy that we're all back now. I have some grievances.

[00:06:51]>> Yeah.

[00:06:52]>> So, let's get into that real quick.

[00:06:53]First of all, you said Trump earlier and I shuddered.

[00:06:55]>> Oh, sorry. I know.

[00:06:55]>> And then you and then you said DC. So, this just has to be mentioned. I don't know his name. I don't [ __ ] care about his name. That absolute roid raging loser that felt the need to make remarks that I'm not even going to repeat about my first lady, Michelle Obama.

[00:07:11]>> Mhm.

[00:07:12]>> They are obsessed with her. They are obsessed with Barack Obama. It's so crazy to see. Like, you guys are bored.

[00:07:19]And that it's unsurprising to me that that would be brought out, but and Joe Rogan >> on his [ __ ] tiptoes trying to get the interview. Mr. distancing himself from the movement and ice and I didn't know is then MCing this this big tacky event >> in DC and then that one comedian that I formerly loved is getting flacked like people are getting flacked who are being there and he's like I just love UFC.

[00:07:44]Someone made a video online that I loved and they were like yeah um well I love golf. If David Duke invited me to go golfing I wouldn't be going golfing right? Like I don't care if there was a Camel Crush smoking marathon followed by a hot dog eating contest. If Donald Trump was putting it on, I'm not [ __ ] going.

[00:08:01]>> And here's the thing, like do you see?

[00:08:03]I've never been. It was It's such a cool ass city and like really I I want to go and be able to enjoy it. But I will say it was giving a little bit of like Gotham City vibes cuz you just like kind of like it's just like this looming presence that's there. And I told you when we got there and we were driving to our hotel, you know, you could see like the Washington Monument. and you're like, "Oh, very cool." Like that's, you know, and then in the distance, I saw that [ __ ] blue monstrosity that they they erected in front of the White House for this event and it just was like driving past the capital, I was like, "Woo!" Like, it just it was a little eerie. But I don't know. I mean, it is such a great city. It just it makes me sad. So, I'll I'll be back when this is over. I've never been. So, we should go do a little >> after this >> fascist state falls. That'd be great.

[00:08:51]>> We stayed like right on like like the wararf, I think it's called. Um, and there's like a lot of there was ton of like outdoor, you know, seating and bars and restaurants like right on there.

[00:09:01]There was like they had a big screen up.

[00:09:02]They were projecting the World Cup. And then also the same time there was a really cool fun pride event happening, pride party happening. And so, it's just like that energy felt good. So, I was like, "All right, I like this. I like the DC people. I want to come back.

[00:09:15]>> Quick question about this because since you were just there, did you see the reflection pond or whatever by the monument, like have you heard about this algae bloom situation?

[00:09:24]>> I've heard about the algae situation cuz they said when you paint a pool like that and you get that kind of reflection on, it's going to breed the algae and bacteria. No, I didn't see it cuz you I mean you could see Washington Bonnie cuz it's [ __ ] massive and you could you could see things in the distance and kind of figure out what they are, but No, I didn't I didn't get close enough to to get my eyes on that. Well, I just think it's so it's just so fitting.

[00:09:45]>> It It's >> It is just such an I think it's perfect, actually. I love it.

[00:09:48]>> Yeah.

[00:09:49]>> Love it. Love it for them. Right. Right.

[00:09:51]Right. Right. Right. And then I have one more thing before we get started. Do you do you have anything else?

[00:09:56]>> Um >> you could use a pencil with your shoes today. Do you want to talk about that?

[00:10:00]>> No.

[00:10:01]>> Talk about them. You're getting more and more into >> I'm in my ugly climbing era.

[00:10:06]>> Do you know how comfortable these are?

[00:10:07]And also, I think they look [ __ ] sick or whatever.

[00:10:10]>> No, I love them. And you're just so weird. I love that you're This is so not what I saw for you, but I love it.

[00:10:15]>> I know. I know. Who knows? I might look back on this and be like, "What was I thinking?"

[00:10:18]>> No, I like it. My last thing is Emily Kaiser. I was listening to this morning.

[00:10:22]I got about halfway through it. She is a rather large influencer that lost her son Trigg to an accidental drowning >> incident last year >> on the J Shetty podcast. And I have opinions about him, but I'll keep those myself. I just have to say the discourse online really makes me ill. I think for the most part, I think we maybe talked about this before, it's positive, but the way that people make these think pieces and are so insensitive. She I admire her so much in the way that she uses the language preventable drowning accident and takes responsibility for the choices she made, but regardless, >> can you all just again, not our listeners, cuz our listeners are the best, but can you just back the [ __ ] off? Like she what she has experienced and her husband have experienced is horrific. They'll never get over it. And I don't you think they know that it what they've been through?

[00:11:10]>> I'm sure it haunts them every day. So I don't think they need to be reminded by it by strangers online here.

[00:11:16]>> Yeah. So that's all I have. Anything making you grumpy or should we get started?

[00:11:20]>> No. I mean, like I said, I had a [ __ ] awesome time. It was so much fun. I'm so happy to be home though because man oh man, that was a lot of moving around.

[00:11:28]There was Okay. Air travel, man. Um, when we flew from Raleigh to DC, it should have been a 40-minute flight. It took us 4 hours. We sat on the plane before taking off for 45 minutes. And then when we landed, they kept us on the plane for 2 hours to the point and like the pilot was great. Like he kept like updating us on what was happening. And it was like he's like, I can't make this [ __ ] up. He's like, is now we've had to like tell them by law they have to let us in. Like federal law they have to let you get to a gate. So that wasn't fun.

[00:11:58]>> Oh my god. One more thing that's pissing me off and then I swear to God, we're going to move on and get into the good stuff. You guys, we have our first trillionaire.

[00:12:06]>> Elon Musk is a trillionaire. And if you don't see the problem with that, I encourage you to do a ton more research.

[00:12:12]It's disgusting and abhorentt. And not to mention every day that something goes wrong, like those tanks of chemicals that just exploded, when regulations were stripped away by Doge, this man who wasn't even an elected official and did all this sketchy [ __ ] and then now is a trillionaire.

[00:12:31]Yeah. Stinks. It's And you know, you know what just chaps my ass the most?

[00:12:35]And then we're going to move on.

[00:12:36]>> What?

[00:12:37]>> The [ __ ] idiots online that are like, "He works hard. SpaceX is cool. New technology." You're never going to be a billionaire. Why are you defending this man?

[00:12:45]>> You little bootlicker. You're a bootlicker and I don't like you. I'm like, go away.

[00:12:51]>> No. People defending someone hoarding that kind of wealth. It will never make sense to me. But >> okay. I hope I hope you get picked one day.

[00:12:58]>> Doesn't it just make you sick?

[00:12:59]>> Yeah, makes me sick.

[00:13:01]>> Someone's like, I could use that uh8 would really happen. And they're like, that's $180 billion.

[00:13:07]>> Oh, well, I did the googling at night when I couldn't sleep >> because we've done the thing about a million dollars. If you spent a dollar every second, it' be 12 years it would take you to get rid of that money. You did the same thing with a billion, it would take you 32 years. And if you did that with a trillion, it would take you 32,000 years to spend that money.

[00:13:24]>> It's insane.

[00:13:25]>> Just to put that in a context for anyone that doesn't get it. I digress.

[00:13:31]>> Okay. Well, >> let's have a round of size.

[00:13:34]>> Hope these people are still here. We love them. We love you guys. Hey, if you want to write in your coven core, your hometown heroes, or your dubdubd, please do. Disrespectfully [email protected]. Hell yeah. Should we get started with a quick covering core?

[00:13:47]>> Let's do it. Okay. Kelly says, "Girls, thank you for the Caleb interview. I have been a Beartooth fan for over 10 years, and hearing Caleb so happy literally has brought me to tears. Thank you for being his friends and allowing him to tell his story and also making him comfortable in his own skin." Going back and listening to all the previous albums has made me so emotional. His journey, his happiness, uh, swoon. I am going to listen again tomorrow and I hope this has brought so many new listeners from the metal scene to your ladies podcast. The coven will happily accept new members. Please, next time you see him, give him a huge bear hug from all the Beartooth fans. I'm proudly supporting one of my many bear to shirts today. Oh, sporting one of my love you ladies in the pod. Kelly from PA.

[00:14:32]Thought it was important to quickly just mention that because we got so much Caleb got so much support and that was amazing and we're so happy that all of you appreciated that episode. We were really excited to put it out.

[00:14:42]>> My mom Terry Maloney listened to it twice.

[00:14:44]>> Did she? I know. I saw a lot of double.

[00:14:46]>> So nice. She had to hear it twice.

[00:14:48]>> Terry, you sweet little cherub.

[00:14:51]>> Should we jump into some hometown heroes?

[00:14:53]>> Um, hell yeah, we should. Let's do it.

[00:14:59]Paulina says, "Hi, ladies. I am so happy Vanderpump rules brought me to you guys.

[00:15:04]You've made so many of my drives purely entertaining, and I love you both. I was just listening to the story where someone wrote in about feeling like they were lifted up and spun in bed, and I was compelled to chime in because this used to happen to me a lot. Back in high school, I started waking up to the same thing, feeling like a force had lifted me up, and I was fighting it and spinning above my bed. I remember trying to call out for help, but I would usually just fall out of the struggle back into bed terrified. I'm a big horror girly, so I too felt like this either was aliens, like the fourth kind, or I was demonically possessed, which was what I was leaning more towards. And remember telling my friends so at the lockers sometime in the same school year, I remember overhearing my classmates saying something about sleep paralysis, and I ended up going down a deep dive. The way it plays a role in your ear fluids and affects your balance all explain the static sound and the spinning sensation. I was relieved, but still unsettled. There is so much more lore about people seeing the same entities like a goblin, a white-haired witch, or a dark shadowy figure. My mom always dismissed it, but eventually told me that when she had a C-section, she was forced to sleep on her back and saw the white-haired witch sit on her chest.

[00:16:06]Don't like that at all. My dad was trying to tell me that one day I will understand that how lucky I am to have this experience. I was flabbergasted because this was horrid and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. Fast forward to a decade later, I had gotten used to this occasionally happening and tried not to sleep on my back to avoid it. But the sleep paralysis had evolved to astrial projection at this point, and there were times where I was flying outside my body, outside my apartment window, or around my room, which I felt more in control of. Now, at 34, it happens much less frequently. But I still can't help but wonder why some people see these things when experiencing sleep paralysis. Does pop culture have to play a role in it, or is it what each individual's brain considers scary? I know some people see spiders and more commonly dark figures, i.e. the Tik Tok trend, my sleep paralysis demon, but is such a crazy phenomenon and not to burst some of the possession myths because I am a huge believer in that, but I think those instances were actually sleep paralysis since our brain feels so awake and it is therefore our reality. Hope this wasn't too long. Much love from Toronto, Paulina. Well, Paulina, I was attacked by an so it was definitely not sleep paralysis. However, I thought I went down a little rabbit hole of my own in terms of astral projection. Do you think that you're capable of that or have you ever heard of this or I >> Oh, I've definitely heard of it, but I think that takes like a skill you have to kind of harness and like a power.

[00:17:24]>> I think so, too. I I feel like I could see it for myself.

[00:17:26]>> I don't know if astral projection is as much just like feeling like an out of body experience as it is something that's like like other dimension realm kind of things, >> right? But this is I mean sleep pros is such a strange phenomenon. Same with like the when people take whatever medication that is and they see the hatman and that's sort of like a common shared thing that happens.

[00:17:46]>> It's not ambient, is it? It's I feel like it's something else.

[00:17:48]>> No, it's like a is it benadrol or something benadrol? But it's like some type of something.

[00:17:52]>> Yeah.

[00:17:53]>> Anyway, >> we've talked about the hatman before.

[00:17:54]>> Yeah, we have.

[00:17:55]>> Well, I'm going to try to astral project to a yacht on the coast of Postitano having an apperal spritz with Kate Moing. That's what I I'm going to work on that.

[00:18:04]>> Let me know how that goes.

[00:18:04]>> Doesn't that sound good? Sounds great.

[00:18:06]>> Okay.

[00:18:06]>> I did see a Tik Tok of Cat Mon. I think you might have reposted it.

[00:18:10]>> Um of her cameo.

[00:18:12]>> No, of her entering some camping store and walking around a camping store.

[00:18:17]>> Alicia.

[00:18:18]>> Yeah, >> I love it. It's so hot. Someone got a cameo from her and I was like, "What the fuck?" And she's just so sultry. She's like, "Hey, it's good to see you." And I was like, "Are you talking to me or?"

[00:18:27]Yeah, it was good.

[00:18:28]>> Okay. Anyway, incredible stuff.

[00:18:31]>> All right. She's going to have a restraining order put out on me, but I swear I'm not going to do.

[00:18:36]>> Don't even say that.

[00:18:40]>> Sleeping hot in the summer is lay mis rob. You're flipping the pillow every 5 minutes, sheets stuck to your legs, waking up sweaty. Yeah, yuck. And for a long time, I thought it was my AC or my mattress, but it was just my bedding.

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[00:22:42]Okay, Shiloh says, "Hello, Katie and Dana. I'm a huge fan of the pod and Vanderpump rules. Dana, when you dip Max necklace and the toilet and litter box before we gave it back to him, I knew you would hold a special place in my heart." And Katie, amongst a million other things, you were so spot on with how you reacted to Randall's uh police prank on Sandball. Love that you never backed down with that. And just in general, I want to thank you guys for all the incredible advocacy work you do both on this podcast and in your day-to-day lives. On a lighter note, I have a funny story for you guys since you had mentioned Rice Krispie treats a few weeks back and specifically a can of butter rice krispie treat. Oh no. To set the scene is my senior year prom. My best friend and I wanted to have some fun on prom night, so we thought we would smoke a little weed. Crazy, I know. Except the problem was we couldn't find anyone to buy from. I hit up this girl from my school who I heard was selling, and she said unfortunately she was out of flour because she had just used all hers to make cannab butter. I was about to give up until she had explained that she'd sell me some cannab butter and I could just make something easy with it like Rice Krispie treats and voila, we could get high for prom. I figured, okay, I can make Rice Krispie treats. How hard can that be?

[00:23:55]So, I went to Whole Foods to get some vegan marshmallows. Important detail.

[00:23:59]And then Googled some recipe for the treats and got to cooking. In my parents home, my parents are upstairs and I'm halfway through making the treats. And when all of a sudden, my dad comes down in his room and yells, "Why does it smell like marijuana in here?" I freeze and panic. My parents were definitely not cool with me doing drugs. And my dumb ass thought since the can of butter was pre-made that it wouldn't be able to smell like weed in my treats. That's very immature of you. Lol. In my panic, I yelled back to him. Uh, sorry. I think I just burnt the vegan marshmallows. I don't know what you're talking about.

[00:24:28]And luckily, he didn't pry further. And went back into his room. Now I'm panicking that my parents are on to me.

[00:24:34]So, I grab the tray of treats from the oven and throw them in my car. I then proceed to bleach and Lysol the entire kitchen, thinking it would mask the smell of weed. It didn't. Finally, I grab all my stuff in a hurry and drive her to my friend's house where I throw the halfbaked treats, pan it all into her kitchen trash. We decide, "Oh well, we can just go sober to prom. It's fine." We start to get ready when all of a sudden, her dad walks in with a tray of treats in hand, pulled out of the garbage, mind you, and he's eating them standing in her doorway. I look at him with horror and I say, "Don't eat those." Noticing that half the pan was already consumed. He asks, "Why did you guys throw out these perfectly Good Rice Krispies?" I tell him, "No, they have weed. They're edibles. I failed at making them. He just began laughing and laughing and then he goes, "Oh, that makes sense. I thought they tasted a little funny. Lol." I proceeded to explain what happened at my house when I tried to sneakily bake them and then he just laughed and laughed and kept eating them. We explained to him that we wanted to get high for prom, but it failed so we'd given up. That's when he said, "I have some mushrooms. Do you want to take those for prom?" Who is this father?

[00:25:36]>> Wait, I love this dad.

[00:25:37]>> I like I don't know if it's it's awesome or crazy, but >> No, I love it. It's Father's Day this weekend, so happy Father's Day to him.

[00:25:44]Happy Father's Day to giving psychotropic drugs to their kids. Let's go. Now, my best friend and I look at each other in shock. What do you mean her dad is offering us psychedelic mushrooms? We had never taken shrooms before, but I figured if her dad, a responsible adult human, is offering them, then it must be a good idea. Lol.

[00:26:00]He proceeds to give us a random unmeasured handful of shrooms just to test out. We eat them and continue to get ready when we start tripping balls.

[00:26:08]I mean, I remember watching my best friend spend 25 minutes putting mascara on one eyeball. One out of 10. Would not recommend trying to get ready for an event on psychedelics because we all know how rough it is to look in the mirror. Oh god.

[00:26:21]>> And see your eyebrows moving like caterpillars across the face or worse, a worm with a mustache. Sorry, I had to say it. I get it. Anyways, after talking ourselves down from a mild panic attack, we had a friend drive us to prom. And thank God because we were no longer sober enough to drive. Her dad had given us extra shims to bring to prom to take later, which we ended up sneaking in by stuffing them in tampon applicators.

[00:26:44]Remove the cotton part, of course. Oh, expert level over here. And then we proceeded to go down to the bathroom stalls halfway through the event.

[00:26:51]Overall, the night was total success. We ended up having so much fun and danced our hearts out while tripping balls.

[00:26:56]Hope you guys could have a laugh with this one. PS. Dana, thank you so much for sharing your personal story about being ghosted. Just an FYI, we love to hear you guys share your personal life on the podcast. Thank you for being vulnerable. Love you both so much. XOXO Shiloh. Incredible. Incredible stuff.

[00:27:12]>> So, here's the thing. In terms of trying to get ready, is there anything scarier than planet Earth that when you are in mushrooms and you look in the mirror?

[00:27:19]>> I don't even want to catch a glimpse as I'm walking by a window >> sometimes. And then sometimes when you look in it, you get stuck in it cuz you're like trying to make sense of your face and it just looks like hell >> ugly and [ __ ] up. And then yeah, sometimes things are moving and like rearranging. The putting mascara on for 20 minutes is so funny. Also, I don't know if you've ever eaten mushrooms from the earth, like now they're trendy, so they're in gummies and [ __ ] but if you've eaten actual mushrooms, it is the most foul. They taste like ass popcorn.

[00:27:46]>> It is so truly, >> I'm not wrong.

[00:27:51]>> A big handful of butthole popcorn and you pop it in. It is just It is like trying to >> Someone farted in a bowl of popcorn, >> literally. And you're like trying to not get pink eye while you're eating it.

[00:28:01]It's it's abs. All I have to say is it's disgusting and I usually have to like chase it cuz it's so gross. But I would I mean it's the most potent fun high I would say. But there and also it's a real like roll the dice situation for me. I like when it's dosed out for me because we know that I'm not good at dosing. So sometimes I'm like that looks about right.

[00:28:19]>> That's how you're going to astral project tonight.

[00:28:21]>> See you later some rush.

[00:28:26]Alyssa says, "I was a ride share driver in 2016 and predominantly drove around San Francisco. One awful night. I had about $200 more to make. I picked up yet another dude in a button-d down in slacks. We'll call him Timmy. I assumed he was an [ __ ] since most of the other guys I had picked up that day were who looked like him. Tech bros in San Francisco. If you know, you know. He was actually so nice to me. He was friendly and asking me questions about myself and my life. I got to his destination in San Jose about an hour later. He invites me out for sushi and I say, "I'm sorry, I can't. I need to make $100 more tonight.

[00:28:55]He then tips me that amount and I say screw it. We go out and have drinks and one thing leads to another and we end up hooking up in his beautiful high-rise apartment. We continued seeing each other for a bit after that. He always paid for everything, $250 brunch at one point and made me feel comfortable. He sadly ended up moving away for work. He was older and didn't want anything serious with me, which is okay. We stayed in touch after he moved away and he actually ended up being somewhat of a career mentor for me. I used him for references. He'd helped me with my resume. I even woke up to a few random Benmo depositments from him from time to time. Moral of the story, it's worth it to take a chance sometimes on random people because they could be your hookup, your pen pal, your sugar daddy, or even your mentor. All three, all of the above. It sounds like >> Wait, I love I actually loved that so much cuz whenever you start with like a ride share story, I was like, uhoh, where's this going? But I'm like, also that's so daddy to be like, I need to make x amount of money and he's like, well, here you go. Looks like you're done for the night.

[00:29:46]>> Okay, >> good for you.

[00:29:48]>> Yeah. Then you got on his highrise and in his highrise >> didn't turn out to be a creep or a bad person. He just gave you money >> which still you know Isaak Kimbo ladies but yeah that's the exception though let's say >> it is the exception but I loved it.

[00:30:00]>> Okay Cindy says hi girlies.

[00:30:03]>> Hi >> hi second time writing in and I was so happy you shared my weird story last time. I feel like this is long but worth it. I was 21 and working at a surgery center in Long Beach alongside my ex. We decided to go to a concert in Mareno Valley after work. It happened to be raining that day and we debated skipping it, but the tickets were already paid for. So, off we went. We got to the venue and they told us the only way to get a table was to buy a bottle. No exceptions. So, we spent about $200 on a table and ordered a bottle of S Rock because it seemed like the safest choice. Since I wasn't driving, I took my job very seriously and did most of the drinking. Needless to say, I was absolutely hammered. After the concert, the rain got even worse. So, I suggested we stay at a Best Western near the freeway instead of driving home. Very responsible of you.

[00:30:47]>> Very responsible. We checked in and things quickly got freaky. At one point, I was on top and he flipped us so he could be on top. Unfortunately, he underestimated both gravity and the edge of the bed. We went flying off the edge of the bed. When we fell, his right shoulder slammed directly into my nose.

[00:31:04]Mind you, this man was 6' and 230 lb. I immediately heard a crack and felt blood rushing down my face. Somehow he didn't notice right away and kept going until I yelled at him to get off me. Blood started pouring everywhere. I ran to the sink, crying from the pain, shock, and swelling while he just stood there apologizing and begging me to be quiet because I was freaking out. The amount of alcohol I consumed probably didn't help the bleeding situation. I spent the entire night crying and convinced I fractured my orbital bone. A few weeks later, a plastic surgeon came into our office to assist with the procedure. He took one look at me and asked, "When did you break your nose? That looks recent.

[00:31:40]Oh, the panic that set in when I realized I'd have to explain that it happened during sex. Anyway, I'm terrified of bed edges and that man still owes me a nose job.

[00:31:50]Disrespectfully, Cindy, >> he didn't offer to pay for your nose job.

[00:31:54]>> Maybe you need to go up to San Francisco and find the man from the Uber ride and get him to sort you out.

[00:32:01]>> Yeah, maybe you need to start ride sharing and then troll in those areas.

[00:32:04]Find him or his friend. But if you need a recommendation, Dr. Dugar did this puppy as we know. Best money I've ever spent. Courtney says, "Hey [ __ ] Hate you both, obviously."

[00:32:17]>> I have a ghost story for you. Wouldn't call it spooky, but oddly comforting and magical. I grew up in Ohio. My grandparents had a lot of land, and when my parents got married, they gave them some anchors to build their house, making my grandparents my neighbors growing up. I hung out at their house all the time, and my grandma always talked about the land being a Native American burial ground, and everyone kind of rolled their eyes at her. She had some other bat chick qualities. She spoke about how it was comfort never fear and would never hear anyone tell her she was wrong. There was a beautiful Native American painting in their living room which I stared at all the time when I was visiting. The wrinkles in the face, his kind eyes, his beautiful feather headdress, the details in his outfit. I was fixated on it. So eventually when my grandparents passed, my mom asked if there was anything in their house that I'd like to keep.

[00:32:59]Immediately without thinking, I said the Native American painting in the living room. My mom's face turned white. She looked terrified and she said, "Courtourtney, there is no Native American painting in the living room."

[00:33:09]>> We immediately went to the house and sure enough, there was no Native American painting in the living room.

[00:33:13]The painting I had fixated on for years and years was actually a wedding photo of my grandparents, but this was the first time I ever saw it. Obviously, this horrified my mom, but I could almost feel my grandma looking down saying, "I told you." Everything was cleared out of the house. The house sold, and I didn't really think about it again. Fast forward maybe 10 years. I'm budget balling trying to furnish my new apartment at Goodwill. I looked through the artwork and there it is. The exact painting I spent hours of my childhood staring at the wrinkles, the eyes, the details, exactly the same. I broke down in tears in the Goodwill, like loud enough to cause an embarrassing scene.

[00:33:45]The worker came over and said, "That has been here for years and years. You can just take it." Every time I pass the painting, I get a warm feeling. It's either his spirit, the reminder of home, or my grandma. Who can say? But finding him again was a magical moment I will never forget. Okay, bye. Isn't that crazy?

[00:34:00]>> Oh my god, that is so freaky. in like a good I don't know in a good but like the fact that you saw this portrait as something entirely different that didn't exist but then to come find out it does exist but just in a goodwill like no that's insane >> crazy and also that was my favorite intro I've ever read I laughed out loud when I read it hate you guys obviously hate you both obviously oh my god that's funny okay Kennedy says hi Katy and Dana day one listener and love you both so much I hate you obviously. Hate you obviously.

[00:34:34]>> I was somehow reminded of this terrible dating story from my single days and knew I had to send it in so the coven can collectively cringe along with me. I had just gotten out of a 4-year relationship and was single for the first time in my 20s. I ended up meeting this guy who was hilarious on our first date. I was laughing so hard. I love a funny guy, so it was great. We hung out a few other times. One where I'd give him a blowj [ __ ] at my place, but that was as far as it went. After this date, he had a golf trip with some of his friends and we were snapping each other back and forth a lot. One of the nights he got completely blackout and I was horrified to see that he sent me a snap of him holding his flaccid dick while urinating. Also completely missing the urinal and pissing all over the floor and wall. Men are so gross. Also, I am 35. You were saying snapping back and forth and I was like, what does that mean? Snapchat.

[00:35:24]>> Snapchat.

[00:35:25]>> Snapchat.

[00:35:25]>> Mhm.

[00:35:26]>> And also men are disgusting. No, >> for the life of me, I can't remember what he had captioned it as I had blacked out from my memory. But would have anything made it better? No. I can confidently say that was enough to give me the ultimate egg. And after telling him what an idiot he was in the morning, him saying he thought it was funny and I should relax. I never spoke to him again. Should have known he would have been a weirdo when I saw he had custom license plate on his Infinity with the word slam in.

[00:35:54]Lesson learned. So glad to to share that I'm no longer in the dating trenches and I'm happily married and expecting a new little coven member in November.

[00:36:03]>> Congrats. Thanks for reading. K. Love you. Bye, Kennedy.

[00:36:06]>> Oh. Oh, >> the slamming of it all. I don't want to victim blame, but you know slamming.

[00:36:16]>> Yeah, that that should that should have been an early indicator that this man sucks.

[00:36:21]>> Mhm. Anyway, hey, let's We're probably a little rusty because weird. Should we uh solve some problems?

[00:36:28]>> Yes.

[00:36:29]>> Let's do a little dubdubdub DD.

[00:36:35]>> Marcy says, "Hello, beautiful queens.

[00:36:37]First of all, [ __ ] Greg Abbott. [ __ ] Ted Dumbass Cruz. [ __ ] Spencer Pratt. [ __ ] Trump. [ __ ] Ice. [ __ ] racism. [ __ ] fascism. [ __ ] white supremacy. And [ __ ] scanism." [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] [ __ ] Gang's all here. I have a dilemma. My partner was diagnosed with epilepsy at the beginning of the year and hasn't been able to drive for work except for working at home for $1 an hour doing their side hustle. They design wraps and logos for a virtual racing program, but also design wraps and logos in real life for race cars and businesses. I have begged them to raise their price because $1 an hour is legit insane. And their friend have even told them they need to raise their price and they won't. I make too much money and immediately disqualified us from getting any assistant from the government or disability. Due to child care being ridiculously expensive, I have taken out loans for my 401k and emergency loans to keep us afloat. We had to pull our kid out and our kid is at home with my partner. I'm struggling because I'm able to do all the chores in one day, even being the primary parent with our kid, helping me while they are working on the computer. I literally did the things I asked of them in the day. Is it weaponizing competence on their part? Am I naive or should I be more understanding of their diagnosis and ADHD? I also have PMDD and severe anxiety. So, I am super graceful because I get it. But at some point, I'm like, "What the [ __ ] How am I able to do these things in one day on my period and you can only man you can only manage to get one of these things done during the week? Even our kid is distracted with activities. We've had these convos with very minimal improvement. I don't know what to do. I could just use an outside perspective. I know I have my bad weeks and everything, but this isn't over one day or a week at this point. I don't have clean clothes for work and have to struggle to get something together. I don't know. Maybe I suck. Hope you read this. Love you, babes. Okay, Marcy, you don't suck at all. I am glad you know the term weaponized incompetence. I think that two things can coexist. He can have this diagnosis and it's making it hard for him to work. And he can be using weaponized incompetence. Like I and mind you, I don't want to say anything that is incorrect because I I'm not a doctor. I don't know the ins and outs of epilepsy. I know it's a seizure disorder, but I would like someone who has epilepsy or a doctor to speak up in the chat. But I'm pretty sure it doesn't prevent you from doing the dishes. So like for me, if he needs to be at home, I get it. But also, what is this? 1902, $1 an hour? That's there's no work on PL. What's the point of even getting paid? It's like to your point, that's crazy. So, if you need him to be the stronghold in the home and caring for your partner while you are the one who is keeping your you guys afloat financially, then he should be doing that.

[00:39:11]>> Mhm.

[00:39:11]>> Am I crazy?

[00:39:13]>> No. The Yes, it is weaponized incompetence because he's sort of leaning into this disability that he has. And I'm sure that it can be debilitating at times. It can be frustrating. It can feel like he's take his some of his like independence has been taken away. Fine, fine, fine, fine, fine. But I think beyond like driving a car, operating heavy machinery, I think loading a dishwasher is no problem. I don't I think unloading the laundry or switching over the laundry shouldn't be a problem.

[00:39:40]I mean, I don't think that is too much to ask. And I think you just need to be as firm and clear as possible with how you're feeling. I think you kind of internalizing and and burying these feelings deep down is going to breed resentment, and you don't want that. I think you there's a way to be loving and compassionate and empathetic towards a person, but also being like this feels unfair.

[00:40:01]>> I also need you to be loving and compassionate toward yourself and your child. Like there's that part of it, too. So, >> I mean, it sounds like you guys have one child. Sounds like you have two >> right now. And that's just not fair to you.

[00:40:14]>> You're drowning. And you need to be able to be honest about that with him. And if you've had those conversations, I mean, if you're asking what to do, maybe have one more and be like, just FYI, this is the the final warning shot and then you're probably going to have to need to evaluate and make some tough choices, but you're not crazy.

[00:40:30]>> You're not. Okay. Anonymous says, "Hi, Queens. Please keep me an on. I love you both so much and as usual, day one listener, fan of EPR, and proud to see you both glow up in life. I've been in a relationship for 7 years, was single for 10 before meeting my current partner, so I'm used to being a single independent woman. As normal lesbian relationship fashion, we moved in together quickly in the beginning of our relationship. She moved in with me and we lived in my apartment for a year and a half and then moved in with her family to help her mom who was going through some hard times.

[00:40:58]It was mutual decision, but I had thought about before we had the conversation because I have a big heart and hate seeing single mom suffer. About 2 years of living together, she meets her now best friend and her attitude towards our relationship has changed drastically. She would forget about picking me up from work. She started going to bars, which she used to hate drinking, and she ended up moving to a different city for work. She said we would be together when the lease was up, but it's been 3 years, and she's now living with said best friend and her wife. I've mentioned this to my therapist, and although it was in passing, we didn't get back to the conversation, but she had mentioned their friendship sounds like a big red flag. I've brought it up to my girlfriend many times before, and she brushes off my words and tells me I'm being dramatic and continues to put her friendship before us. She used to be an amazing partner, but after living with her mom, I see how her mom uses the silent treatment a lot and tends to be very, very nosy and expect my girlfriend to drop everything for her. I see how she has been raised. And I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I don't know what to do anymore because I've tried explaining my feelings and she'll start giving me the silent treatment even though she's not that easy for me to get a hold of now.

[00:42:02]Am I wasting my time trying or should I pull back and see how things go? Thank you for your time. K. Love you. Bye.

[00:42:09]Anonymous. I would pull all the way back. I'd pull all the way out. I mean, this is just like the lack of respect that you're getting from your girlfriend over these years and like they just putting other friendships and relationships above you and you're living with her mother and trying to help her. Like, girl, run.

[00:42:26]>> Don't don't keep trying. Don't see what happens. Literally, just say, "I'm out.

[00:42:30]Good luck. Goodbye."

[00:42:32]>> Also, it's not like you guys were having a difficult or transitional period in relationship for one or two months and this was going on. This has been going on for 3 years. Honey, >> we got to open those those those eyelids up a little bit. This is and not blaming you. I think that it's also especially in lesbian relationships, it can be an interesting dynamic and it sounds like she is also a lesbian and married or wait. Yeah, cuz they said she lives with her and her wife. Yeah.

[00:42:58]>> So, for me, it's like sometimes you're towing that line of having friendships and then that you can be gas lit because they're like, "Oh, we're just friends."

[00:43:05]But there's there's dynamics at play and it's layered. But I would say at this point, she's made it really clear what her priority is. And to me, at the very least, there's some type of emotional something happening between the two of them. I would be curious what the best friend's wife thinks about the situation. Maybe they're a polycule. We don't know. I'm just Who knows? I don't want to put that in your head, but just saying, uh, break up with this person.

[00:43:25]Unsubscribe, block, move on. You can do better. That's crazy.

[00:43:28]>> Yeah, >> very disrespectful. As Katie says, >> ourselves. Janet says, "Dear Dana and Katie, my best guy friend Aaron and I have been close since middle school, so for like 20 years. We're 31 and 32, and our bond is purely platonic, almost sibling. Over the years, most of our significant others have had issues with our friendship, usually because it just exists."

[00:43:49]Look at us sharing the brain cell today, picking the same theme. At one point, Aaron edited our friendship to preserve a relationship, but he later regretted the decision. From then on, he decided he wouldn't let future relationships dictate who he stayed close to. Fast forward and he's been with Tina for 10 years now. I first met her during a group trip to an amusement park. The day was fun, full of rides, food, and laughs. At one point, while we were going up the stairs for a ride, I turned to Aaron and casually asked him to tie my shoe. He did, but Tina nudged him and said, "Don't tie her shoe." He brushed it off. Later, as we were going to say goodbye, Tina hugged me and whispered in my ear, "Don't ever ask Aaron to tie your shoe again." I left confused and hurt, and I never told Aaron. I didn't want to jeopardize their relationship, especially one he cared about. 5 years have passed and Tina and I barely speak or share space. Eventually, Aaron and I talked and he revealed that he'd known about the shoe incident all along and he had been angry with her but never told me. When I've shared this with friends, even close ones, some have taken the issue with the shoe tying incident, but I still believe they're missing the full context of our friendship. So, am I the problem? Dubdub DD Janet. So, I have a few different perspectives on this. I think that you yourself said at the beginning of this email that multiple partners across multiple years have had problems with this friendship. That's not to say that anything's going on, but it is to say sometimes perception is reality. So if multiple people are like, "This feels weird for us." Maybe there's some things that you guys have super subconsciously that you're not looking at and that's how you're coming out.

[00:45:16]Because you're looking at it at the context of like, "We're just friends.

[00:45:18]This is my brother." for you. It doesn't feel weird about the shoe tying thing.

[00:45:22]For me, I'm like, if I'm the other partner, I would be like, that's strange.

[00:45:26]>> However, I also think it's weird as [ __ ] that she hugged you and whispered in your ear like that. Like, I for it would have been one thing for me if she had called you the next day and been like, "Hey, I'm not trying to be immature. I don't want to feel threatened or be like the needy girlfriend, but I just I wanted to point this out as an example because I think it's helpful to have specific examples when they happen freshly as to why I'm feeling this way."

[00:45:48]So, when you say, "Am I the problem?" um I think that you both should evaluate why this is becoming a reoccurring theme. And I think that it doesn't mean that you can't be friends, but I think it's like maybe how do we show up less strange to other strange seeming to other people. And I'm not trying to be mean. I'm just we're just us and honest. So, what do you think?

[00:46:13]>> I don't want to be mean here, but yeah, I agree with Dana. If if multiple people have said this, there's been multiple events and different people who like I don't know. I think I think if it was a case study, we'd probably be able to say like given these results, um there's something weird between you guys. And the thing is, yeah, you can absolutely have a platonic friendship between men and women. Absolutely. But I think that is shown a lot through like the actions where you're not necessarily relying on each other for certain validations or acts of service, you know? Like I don't I don't I've never I don't think I've asked anyone in my life to tie my shoe and like and but but when you guys this is just how we are. It's like you guys we just like to cuddle but we're just friends. It's like no that would be weird. There's nothing wrong with cuddling but if if some if they have a significant other there's just certain behaviors that you would not appreciate to to go down with someone that's not you. So I don't know. I mean, try to just put yourself in someone else's shoes and look at it and be like, "Well, yeah, that would probably make me wonder as well." Put yourself in someone else's untied shoes. Okay. I think that it's Yeah, I think uh cuz like me, I wouldn't I'm thinking of it of if I have a best friend that I've grown up with and that person's partner is right there, I'm not going to sho you. I'm not saying you said it in that way. I'm just saying that's all the people. Is is there like a little part of you that would feel a little bit of jealousy and want to know that like >> you know you could get him to tie your shoe even in the presence of his new like I'm not saying that you're consciously doing this but subconsciously are you scared of losing them so you're doing these like little tests I don't know just just maybe self-reflect a little bit because yeah it's all weird >> we're just trying to give you we love you we're just trying to give you perspective >> your older sister's here I'm assuming you're younger You're not a problem, but you know. You're not a problem. And we got to look at some stuff. You're not a problem, but not a problem. And yes, >> continue.

[00:48:15]>> That's all. Well, it's your turn.

[00:48:17]>> Oh, it's my turn. Okay.

[00:48:20]>> Hello. Hello. Anonymous says, "Hello to my favorite girls. Last year, I watched Vanderpump Rules for the first time, and when I found out you two had a podcast together, I was so happy. I started from episode 1 and have been binging them. I can't miss out on any of the lore. I have also started asking people who's in their basement and daddy list. Love to hear that.

[00:48:40]>> It's it's uppercase.

[00:48:42]>> Anyhood, I recently got engaged and I'm so happy of course, but now I have to start thinking about wedding planning and all the events that come with it. I always thought about my bridal party and bachelorette group would be made up of the girls I lived with in college. There are six of us and they are my closest friends. However, now that we're about 5 years postgrad, some [ __ ] has gone down between some of the girls. There have been some friendship endings, arguments, some of it incredibly petty, and some of it serious. Only me and one other girl are still close with everyone. A lot of the other girls have each other blocked, unfollowed, not speaking terms, etc. Now, my problem is that all these girls I wanted to spend my wedding/bachelorette with don't like each other. And what makes me not even want to have a bridal party or bachelorette because I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable. Although, I'm sure they'd suck it up and make me happy, but I feel like there would still be tension and awkwardness on the actual wedding day. and it wouldn't even be worth it.

[00:49:35]It sucks because I've always wanted these special wedding memories with my girls and now it feels like a bit tainted. My fianceé has a ton of friends and would have 20 groomsmen if he could.

[00:49:43]So, I feel like I have to have at least some bridesmaids. I don't know. What would disrespectfully do? Have all the girls as bridesmaids and hope for the best? Leave some of the girls out risking ending my friendship with them.

[00:49:54]So, okay. Well, tell us how you really feel. Um, listen, this you got to let go of it. Let go of what you thought would be, what you always envisioned it would be, the the sooner and faster you can start letting go of like what you thought, the easier life will become for you because you're going to be hanging on to the could a, would a, shouldas in many areas of life.

[00:50:21]except that [ __ ] happens, people move on, people grow, people grow apart, and that is just how life works. So like, yeah, had you gotten married 5 years ago, it would have been a different story. But the story is what it is now.

[00:50:33]And I think you're putting too much energy and emphasis on other people on a day that's about you. So do whatever the [ __ ] you want to do. You want to have them all and risk the the drama, okay, fine. But, you know, it's not going to go the way you hope it would. Leave someone out of it. There's still going to be drama. Um, so I think at the end of the day, you're going to have to go with whatever outcome you can handle. I don't know. I I think um there's no pressure to have bridesmaids. There's no pressure to have a bachelorette party.

[00:51:00]So, if you end up not wanting that, that's fine. But just try not to have any regrets. So, I think it's just about weighing pros and cons, writing lists, coming up with possible scenarios, and and then kind of picking the best route from there. But I think just kind of let go of like the idea of what you thought this was going to be and who you thought it was going to be with and focus on making it the best day possible for you and your future family and and have fun with it. My audible sigh was just more about it's not about you. It's about this is why I [ __ ] hate weddings.

[00:51:30]Like literally this is like textbook. I completely agree with Katie. This is your day. And isn't it pretty much known in the wedding world like I've been on many bachelorettes. I've been to many I've been in many wedding parties. You make it about the bride. You put your [ __ ] to the side and you make it about them so they're not having to deal with drama. This is your day.

[00:51:49]>> So, I think that to Katie's point, let go what your your past, you know, what you envisioned before and then choose what is best for you and what feels good and what you're going to be most comfortable with, how you're not going to have regrets. And if people want to act like barn animals, then that's their choice. Yeah. I think also making it the other people's decision, too. Just saying like, "Hey, this is what it's going to be. This is who it's going to be. I will not be sad or offended if you don't want to participate because you just maybe simply don't want to be around these people in these types of events and let them decide, you know, because if they're going to make the decision to want to participate and be there for you, I'm sure they will act accordingly. And if some people feel like they can't, then they have the option not to do it. Mhm. Hope this helps. Hope it helps. K says, "I've been dating my partner for almost 5 years now. We have a big age gap. I'm 30 and he's 52. I know that people think that's weird, but I don't care. I love him and I do think he's a love of my life. There was a point when I had actually told myself that I was not going to be monogamous anymore because I couldn't handle being in a relationship from people who needed so much for me and that I had nothing to give. I suffer from severe mental illness and chronic disease. I have PMDD, OCD, extreme anxiety and depression which runs my life and has for the past 10 years. I take an obscene amount of medication and smoke a lot of weed because I can't function without it. However, my actual main savior in life alongside those is boxing. Long story short, my current partner, we will call him Shawn, is the only person that I've able to be with who understands what I go through and knows that I need space and can't function properly during those times.

[00:53:17]So, here comes the advice. Our relationship itself is great. I'm really in love. But as far as sex and intimacy, I'm really not currently and haven't been getting my needs met. Maybe because he's older and he seems to find sex a bit taboo to talk about. He gets shy around the subject and I can't get a lot out of him when I'm wanting him to open up for more because I'm craving it.

[00:53:35]Shawn goes to Europe in the summer all summer for work. I go there as long as I can, but don't like to leave my dogs.

[00:53:41]So, there's a quite a large gap in time when we don't see each other. No sex talk only a little because of the time difference and I find myself fantasizing about other men or honestly even women.

[00:53:51]Happy Pride. This has happened a lot throughout the relationship, but I've never been unfaithful. Just wanting and flirting. I'm not sure if I want to ask for an open relationship or not, but there is someone I really want to sleep with. Obviously, I wouldn't. I could never do that. But I want him so bad it's scaring me. I also worry that there is some sort of lirance is just my mental health working its way into every aspect of my life and it's just another form of something else. And it doesn't really mean I want to sleep with this guy. But also, I really do. My partner doesn't even initiate any phone sex, pictures, nothing. And I send him pictures often. He will love them. We've had phone sex a few times over the years, but I'm talking maybe twice in 5 years. I just need some advice for my girls. I love you all so much and relate to you both on another level. Thank you for reading and I hope to hear from you.

[00:54:36]Okay. I mean, Kay, you and I have had phone sex twice since we've been here.

[00:54:40]Like, it's I get it if if it's been over 5 years and you're not having your needs met in so many different ways. As someone with OCD and depression and anxiety, I also want to let you know that can actually be symptomatic of OCD.

[00:54:54]Trying to convince yourself that it's symptomatic of OCD. It's it's a coping mechanism. So, I think that your feelings are valid. Don't talk yourself out of that that you're just like, "Oh, I'm mentally ill, so this is just part of that." No, I think you can be mentally ill and not be having your needs met sexually when you have a long-term partner. It can also be that you love your partner, that this partner is right for you, but this is just the one area where it feels like it's falling flat. And sex is a huge thing in a relationship if it is for one person or both. If both people aren't very sexual, then great. But if there is that imbalance, it can cause a lot of problems. I don't know. I understand what you're saying that he has a hard time talking about sex in general. And because he's a little bit older, I'm wondering if he would not understand the whole open relationship thing, but I do think it's something that needs to happen as far as at least a conversation. Not necessarily saying that he's going to be open for it or game, but that if you're feeling it this intensely and it's starting to scare you because you want to sleep with other people, maybe start that dialogue and just say, "I love you. You're my partner. I want to be with you." And also if you have an open relationship, you can design it how you want to design it. So if it's only when he's on another continent for x amount of time and whatever, then have those conversations and see what comes up for him and just make sure he knows how much you love him and that you're not trying to hurt him, but that this is lacking for you. And also maybe that would be the wakeup call he needs to try and put more effort into this area. Yeah, I think he needs to have a wakeup call that he needs to be making more effort in terms of helping meet your needs, but also at least discussing it and discussing the importance of it. Like he's he's going to have to get uncomfortable if he if he cares about you and cares about the relationship. That's just like part of it because you can compromise, but you shouldn't have to sacrifice. I think there's a stark difference of like being like compromising. Okay, I'm just going to like have less sex and not be able to talk about and that's what I have to do to be in this relationship. That's otherwise really great. I think that's the lies we start to tell ourselves when we just look at it being like, look, I maybe we're just actually not compatible. And I think that's something that you also maybe need to heavily consider. And I don't know if you have a therapist, but that's a good place to start talking about it and helping maybe get some guidance on how to approach these topics to somebody who usually shuts down. Open relationships are they're common or whatever, but I think they're they're incredibly difficult, especially with people who also have a hard time communicating. So, I don't know if that would be a great place for you to end up. Maybe that would be the last resort place if he's open to that.

[00:57:19]But if you can't communicate about sex and about what that is, that's that is a part of the open relationship is communicating those things. So, I don't I don't know. I think you express to him how important it is for you to talk about this and why these needs are important to you. It's like I think it's coming from a place where you can just express how what makes you feel can help the other person understand and not shut them down immediately. But yeah, you don't need to sacrifice things that you clearly need just to be with somebody.

[00:57:49]Also, that is so true because open relationships I think in theory sound easier than they are. I think a lot of people end up in a failure situation, but it because communication is everything and everyone being on the same page and enthusiastic and holding their boundaries >> and being honest about like what you know what kind of participation is happening outside of your relationship or marriage, you know, I think that's and that's can be hard.

[00:58:14]>> Well, and also yeah, and making sure that your partner's not just going along with it because of you and that it would ultimately hurt them and you know, it's going to lead to nowhere good. So yeah, communication is key here.

[00:58:24]>> Yeah. But ultimately, I can't express the importance of finding someone who you are aligned with in all the areas.

[00:58:30]>> Mhm.

[00:58:31]>> Period.

[00:58:32]>> Period.

[00:58:32]>> Okay. Lex says, "Hello, coven queens.

[00:58:35]Please call me Lex."

[00:58:37]>> I just did.

[00:58:38]>> We just did.

[00:58:39]>> I have to >> Don't tell us what to do >> or or tell us.

[00:58:43]>> Or do.

[00:58:43]>> Yeah. I have to start this off by saying how much I love and appreciate you both.

[00:58:48]This podcast has gotten me through so many dark days, including my breakup, and never fails to bring a smile to my face, even when the world around us is being destroyed by gross ass fascists.

[00:58:58]Period. As a childless by choice woman, you make me feel seen and less alone while everyone around me is getting married and having kids. You two hold permanent spot on my daddy list. Thanks.

[00:59:09]Anyh who, I'm writing in today because my ex reached out to me recently and it's got me in a bit of a tail spin.

[00:59:15]Very brief backstory. We dated off and on for 5 years until I broke things off for good a year ago. He's not a horrible person, never cheated or anything like that, but he was just not capable of being the romantic partner that I needed. See who was this back here?

[00:59:28]>> C.

[00:59:30]>> Sometimes you just got to you got to call it what it is.

[00:59:32]>> We're both headstrong fire signs. I'm a fellow Leo, Dana, and I >> and I also have a pretty intense anxiety that he was not equipped to handle.

[00:59:44]>> Also sounds like me, but continue. This led to lots of escalated arguments and resentment towards each other. The worst thing he did was threaten to take me to court over custody of the dog we shared, despite the dog being more attached to me and me being his primary caretaker.

[00:59:57]The first time we broke up, it scared me so much that I agreed to split custody, which was horrible for a dog who has separation anxiety. After 8 months of this, he profusely apologized, and we eventually got back together and moved in with each other. When I broke up with him the last time, he threatened court again, despite how he'd apologized for it before. My life was admittedly a living hell during the breakup, but luckily he never followed through on taking me to court. So me and my dog have been living our lives without him for the last year. After nine months of no contact, he reached out to me asking to talk. He wound up apologizing for how he acted during the relationship, admitted he was wrong for threatening court. He said he was acting out of fear of losing everything, but understands no matter what the reasoning was, he never should have threatened me the way he did. He said he understands that apologizing for threatening to take me to court, then doing the exact thing again betrayed my trust and probably caused trust issues going forward for me. It did. I can't lie. It was nice to finally get that apology and accountability. He told me he wasn't expecting anything back from me, but if I was interested in grabbing a beer and catching up sometime, he would love to see me again because he still really cares for me. I'm fully moved on from him in a romantic sense. No attraction or romantic feelings for him left whatsoever. I do really miss him as a friend, though. Our friendship was always the best part of our relationship, and I've yet to find any other connection, romantic or platonic, that replicates it. I told him I didn't think it was a good idea to hang out.

[01:01:17]But ever since then, I can't stop thinking about how I actually do want to hang out. In my ideal world, we'd maintain a strictly platonic friendship.

[01:01:23]My concern with this is that he still has feelings for me and try to get back together. He mentioned I'm still his favorite person in the world, or that he would try to work his way back into my dog's life, which would open up a can of worms I would like to keep tightly closed. With that said, I do care about him as a person, and hate the thought of throwing away such a deep soul connection, even if it's just platonic, especially since I don't make deep connections like that very easily. I want to trust that he meant what he said and has no selfish intentions. But it's hard to fully trust him after what he did during our relationship and breakups. So, what would disrespectly do? Do I maintain a friendship with him and just set firm boundaries for it, or do I let him go from my life completely despite our connection and care for one another? Sorry if this was long. I try to be as concise as possible, but I am admittedly a yapper. Thank you both for all you do, Lex. Um, I hear you and I understand. Honestly, I think you need to be curious obviously because you're thinking about it and see how things go.

[01:02:18]I would do that. I would say, you know what, I'm down to meet on certain terms and boundaries as you understand it.

[01:02:23]acknowledge and been accountable for that you've done some damage to me. I don't want to think that it's irreparable, but like we're going to we're going to see and we'll be baby steps and I want to make sure I'm comfortable with it along the way. I do care about you. I care about our friendship. I don't want us to become, you know, strangers. And then you just see and you kind It's kind of like letting him know like basically if you [ __ ] this up, you lose me forever for good. But like if we want to try this friendship, that's all it's ever going to be. So if you think you can handle that, then let's see how it goes. I'm going to pull inspo from our favorite philosopher, Hillary Duff. And if it's over, let it go. And come tomorrow, it will seem so yesterday. So yesterday, so yesterday, I'm going to be okay. We have a different Look, if you really have this itch you need to scratch, I agree with Katie. Take those precautions. Do those things. I am just a very GTFO.

[01:03:16]It's I think that exception rule kind of situation. It's seldom, especially if there's one person that's kind of still in it and one person who's not feeling that way. I think it could lead to troubles. But I also think life is short and we're a rock floating through space and everyone's going to die. So, who cares?

[01:03:31]>> So, if you're going to do it, do it with those precautions, but you also don't have to do it. And I would personally just move on. Anyone ever [ __ ] threaten me about my animal going to court? That is such a And also, if he's like, I was feeling scared. Okay. Well, when I'm scared, I pull the covers up. I don't try to take uh my partner's animal from them. Like I don't know. I feel like I feel like I can relate to the situation just because with Tom, you know, the dogs and we're not we're not besties. We don't go grab beers and kiki and do all that stuff, but we're friends in the sense that like ever needs anything from me. There's the the doors like open for communication and like we're going to be there for each other.

[01:04:05]But I think we've been good about giving each other space and not, you know, it was it was confusing going from being in a marriage with somebody and the whole thing to going right to being friends because I I didn't know how to do that.

[01:04:18]But having some space now that you've had, you know, but if he [ __ ] up then he's done. Yeah. Promise that to yours >> and to us and to us. Pinky swear and to the whole coven. That too.

[01:04:28]>> Okay, that'll do her. I feel like this was so I was just so happy to see you.

[01:04:33]So happy to be doing this. I'm so happy to see you.

[01:04:35]>> So, that was fun. Yeah, that's on that.

[01:04:38]I hope you I guess words are gone that we're done here.

[01:04:42]Have a great weekend. Till next time.

[01:04:44]>> Okay, love you. Bye.

[01:04:45]>> Okay. Love you. Bye.

[01:04:56]Babe, you're going to see the power of women like disrespectfully.