Do South African Men Like Plus Size Women?

[00:00:00]Hi darling, welcome back.

[00:00:03]So, there's something that not that said on a particular podcast. [clears throat] >> No, stop promoting being fat. Ish Tarki, STOP PROMOTING THAT STUFF. It's unhealthy.

[00:00:17]>> Is this a jam [laughter] to tell people >> We got high blood pressure problems in this country.

[00:00:21]>> Is this a jam to tell >> Diabetes problems in this country.

[00:00:23]People are being buried without their legs. They're being buried having gangrene on >> Is this a jam to tell people in the music, bro?

[00:00:29]>> No, this is the stuff is to force that song that you're trying to glorify fat girls. Stop that. Stop that. Nobody wants a fat girls. Fat girls ARE EASY.

[00:00:39]GUYS THAT CANNOT get girls target fat girls cuz they're >> people are shaming? No.

[00:00:43]>> It's not body shaming. It's psychology.

[00:00:45]Let me tell you what they do.

[00:00:46]>> No, man. [ __ ] that song, bro. No.

[00:00:49]No. No.

[00:00:49]>> Fat girls are giving it up to everybody, any and everybody.

[00:00:54]Do you understand what I'm saying?

[00:00:55]Fat girls, the only reason you're not blowing up or people are not telling anybody about you is cuz they're ashamed.

[00:01:02]They're ashamed of being with fat girls.

[00:01:05]They're embarrassed about it. Now when you make songs about the women people are ashamed to claim.

[00:01:12]When a fat girl says, "Yay, this [ __ ] smashed me." PEOPLE WILL SAY, "NO, NEVER."

[00:01:17]NEVER. [screaming] I WOULD NEVER.

[00:01:20]DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?

[00:01:21]>> For me, I understand people's health concerns when you reach a certain weight. I understand that people will have opinions about people's weight when you reach a certain weight.

[00:01:33]But what I do not respect is disrespecting an entire group of people.

[00:01:39]I don't respect when he said that plus-size women are low-hanging fruit or plus-size women are easy targets for men who can't get a specific type of woman.

[00:01:52]Because here's the truth. The internet might say one thing, but reality also says another completely different thing.

[00:02:04]I posed the question, do all South African men love plus-size women? The question is very generalized because even Notha himself made a general assumption stating that all men, he spoke as if all men feel this specific way about plus-size women.

[00:02:24]He uses his reality as a reflection of every man's truth, which is not the case. But, I want us to listen to few experiences from plus-size women, and then we will talk about the good and the bad side when it comes to be experiences of plus-size women and dating in South Africa. To answer this question and see other perspectives on what [music] is the perception on this topic, I will also add my own opinion to this conversation.

[00:02:59]>> You know, one of the downsides of dating as a plus-size girl that I feel like we don't speak enough about is literally of having to tweak a few things. Maybe be it in the way you dress, the way you you walk, the way you talk, and yeah, overall the way you conduct yourself in public when you when you are with your partner. And especially if your partner is not one of those buff guys, like if he's a medium-sized guy, or maybe who is a little slimmer, well, you will have to like change a few things about yourself when you're in public.

[00:03:25]Because people don't just care about the face. Your body is the first thing that they will judge you on.

[00:03:29]>> And dating as a plus-size girl is very different because we aren't the standard of beauty, but I will say there's this misconception that we are like not going to be chosen, or there's no one out there for us, and you just you just never going to get picked, sweetie. Okay, it was never going to be you. That's always the like tone set out there. But, I was like when I was on Bumble and Hinge, I was like, "Oh, okay, these people out there who Who do you want to get to know? The girl." But also there's also those weirdos who fetishize plus-size women. I recently took my ex back, and I recently broke up with him.

[00:04:04]And man, I learned my lessons. Um we don't do returns anymore. That's definitely one lesson we learned. But I want to say one thing. I've realized that as a plus-size woman, when you date someone who's smaller or skinnier than you, other men do not recognize your partner. Like that person does not exist. I I I don't know what it is. Like can men actually like Is it because I'm big-boned? I don't deserve to be with someone smaller? Or does that make it seem as if I'm maybe their mother or their aunt or what? Because I don't get it. Like Why do you guys do that? Like you guys do not respect our partners. Like we can be dating the most skinniest person. Mind you, the person can be my age. Secondly, the person can be older than me. And I feel they fit enough to be my partner. But no, other men are just like, "Mhm, she needs a man. She needs someone with some meat." Why is that? Like I don't get it. I genuinely don't get it.

[00:05:00]>> I understand this concept, you know? But when you are chubby and you are in a relationship, it's either men think that you have money and they don't see the need to get you anything. You'll get it yourself. Or you are an understanding girlfriend. You don't need their money.

[00:05:16]>> So, I replied to this comment yesterday, but I feel like I need to actually just post a video about it and just speak very directly to this man and to all the people out there who camp on plus-size people's TikTok pages and give us [ __ ] about our weight and give us [ __ ] about our life choices. I just have something very quick to say to you.

[00:05:39]First of all, we have mirrors in our house, okay? We are acutely aware of what size we are. We don't care what you think about how big we are and what we eat every day and the life choices that we make. We are literally on this platform to be voices and be representation for bigger bodies that have been excluded from mainstream media for the longest time. There is no need to point out in every single video that we're fat, that we have double chins, that we have rolls, that we have stretch marks. We know.

[00:06:10]>> [laughter] >> You are pointing out the [ __ ] obvious. We know and there's no need to make every single piece of content that we put out about our weight. At this point I could literally be showing a beautiful location and somebody would be in the comments talking about, "Oh, I'm too fat and I probably won't be able to walk around that location because I'd be out of breath."

[00:06:29]Like What? Why? Why is that necessary? Like >> [gasps] >> It's crazy and it's sad because as a bigger body, it takes so much courage to put yourself out there on social media and to celebrate yourself every single day and to wake up and to love your body when the majority of the world and social media is telling you to hate yourself. So please, like if my page is not for you and if my videos come up on your For You page and you don't like what you see, just keep scrolling. There's no need for you to leave a hate comment and the same goes for like every other plus-size body that you see on social media. If you don't like what you see, keep scrolling. Block me for all I [ __ ] care.

[00:07:13]>> When you're a big girl, you need to be so beautiful for you to get into the section. You can't just into the section and change anything. Okay, so let's talk about it. I used to dwell and dabble in the club scene 2018-2019 and I was a different body type then.

[00:07:28]You understand? So I never really knew the biases that club holds because I was desirable in the sense that my body type was what they actually wanted to fill up the club. They'd ask me to get girls to come to the club. And after COVID, I gained, you know, I gained some couple of, you know, kilograms or whatever, and I realized that a lot of things changed for me. So, I'm going to tell you guys a young story about how I got turned away at the door and my friends were let in.

[00:07:59]So, a couple of months back, we were at Sumo and we met this other girl who's now my friend, but like then, she wasn't my friend. And she invited [snorts] us to go to Montana saying that she's hosting. Okay, cool. So, I'm with my best friend, my roommate, and that Tik Tok guy that I was whatever. Fine, we get to Montana, everything is chilling, everything is cool, and they're letting people in. Like cuz we were on the guest list. So, they're letting my friends in and [snorts] they're letting other girls in that have the twin Let me say between 20 size 28 to size 34.

[00:08:36]36 is a stretch. 34.

[00:08:39]They're just letting them in one by one.

[00:08:41]The bouncer I'm now it's coming to me.

[00:08:44]He's asking for my ID. Take out my ID, I show him my ID. He looks at me up and down. I swear I kid I kid you not, this man told me that I cannot get inside Montana.

[00:08:56]>> So, I remember a few years ago, there was a dark-skinned plus-size woman who got married recently in South Africa, and I remember reading some of the comments that were quite negative. There were so many good comments, but there were also people who had a negative comments to say on this particular woman getting married. Here are some of the comments under Murendeni's wedding.

[00:09:23]I love 22s says, "This one must have money." Sinner responded, "So, as plus-size woman, we are supposed to be rich in order to get married? Hi boo. Guys, what happened to your hearts?

[00:09:40]Recoil also commented on a picture. I'm a size 32, but not married. Why?

[00:09:49]And another lady, Granny T, also said, "I'm a size 22 to 24 and I'm not married."

[00:09:57]These words from these women also indicate something that there is a level of jealousy. There is a level of them feeling like because they are a certain weight that they should be chosen over a plus-size. When there are a lot of women who also left negative comments, which was surprising because I noticed that in a lot of spaces, people talk about body positivity, but then you go on social media and you see that it is also other women thinking that this woman is not deserving of marriage, projecting their own insecurities because they are not married, but they are a certain weight.

[00:10:37]They are smaller. They think that they should be the preference. They should be chosen, which is all just projection of their own jealousy and envy of the fact that this woman got married. Some people genuinely think because of a certain weight they should be married. And there's also the perception that the only reason some women who are plus-size get married is because the men want money from them, which is further from the truth. There's another comment from a man that stated this. Humphrey says, "She must be loaded in her account.

[00:11:15]Anyways, congratulations."

[00:11:18]To show that some of the comments on this lady's profile were affecting her negatively, she turned off the comments in some of her videos because of the negativity that some people were spreading towards her on her special day, which is a wedding day. This further highlights the fact that, especially on social media, people have a certain perception. People project their own desires and desirability onto other people and think, just because they are skinny or a certain skin tone, that they are supposed to be chosen over other people, that they are marriage material.

[00:11:59]Whereas, being marriage material, if you do want to get married, it's not about you only looks or aesthetics. It's about what the man wants. And some men >> [music] >> do want plus-size women. For some people, it might not be your preference, but for some men, there are men who actively pursue plus-size women.

[00:12:20]But, there's also the negative experiences that I've seen, especially in some spaces in South Africa. For example, I am so aware that clubs are not good spaces if you're a certain body type. I do know that in certain clubs in South Africa, the people there have a specific woman in mind when they are hosting events or they are at a club and they want men to come to that club. They have a certain type of woman and it's not usually a plus-size woman. Even if she is a certain weight, she has to have a certain body type that is more slim or more hourglass, even if she's thicker.

[00:13:04]Here is a video from a podcast where Adonis talks about an experience that she had with her friend who was treated badly in a certain club or an event because of her weight.

[00:13:19]>> I was like to break, you know what, please come with me, too, cuz I'm not going to remove myself from these spaces because I know people I'm not clicking with on there. I I'm still Who am I afraid of? Like But I was like, "Brick, come with me." So, this is like the first time we've gone out to the same spaces.

[00:13:33]And I just started noticing that I was getting treated one way and Brick was getting treated another way. Obviously, me and Brick look VERY DIFFERENT, RIGHT?

[00:13:51]LIKE I THINK I'M A very like Okay, you can tick the boxes of a baddie. Like you I have my wig, I have my nails, I have a like I dress a certain way, you know, and I hold myself a certain way. Brick is like Brick.

[00:14:03]Brick is relaxed and Brick is who Brick is.

[00:14:08]But the way we were getting treated because of size was different. And it was very blatant. And I And so, we went to this one club. I won't name it because I don't want to make say that this club is discriminatory, you know? But we went and then they were the the host that I was with was like, "Listen, my friends" cuz we were going to join their table.

[00:14:29]They were like, "Yeah, my friends are cool with you there. They want you in there like cool, they know you.

[00:14:34]But your friend though." What Why would you even bring her to this space? And I That's That was me. That was my first reaction is that still exists. And the thing is it's It's a closed-mindedness that now triggers me cuz even if it's And I can admit that it triggers me.

[00:14:51]Like it's it's a sore spot because I'm like I see Brick for who Brick is beyond the layers of this.

[00:14:59]You know? And I'm not saying you have to accept Brick because I accept Brick. But I said to him I was like, "If you want me, you want Brick." Like it's a package deal. And then he was like, "Okay, but I can try and make it happen." And then I sat down and I said, "Okay, he's going to try." But then as I'm sitting down, I'm getting angry. And I'm like, "Actually, the fact that this has to be considered."

[00:15:17]I was like, "Anyone of any shape or size disability, whatever, should be able to come in and if they're paying and if they have fun.

[00:15:25]>> Exactly.

[00:15:25]>> So I said to Brick and I told they they asked me not to tell Brick, but I we are so truthful with each other. We tell each other everything. That's why our foundation is solid. But I'm just like, "Brick, this is the situation." And I'm never ever going to, firstly, make you uncomfortable, like first of all, or and secondly, allow for us to be degraded in a way that we are even waiting for a decision.

[00:15:46]>> Yo.

[00:15:47]>> The fact that there is a decision, we're leaving. That's why we left. And we had a great time in the other places we went to, but that's why right now I'm sitting here like >> Clubs are just one of those spaces where I do know that if you don't look a specific way, people will have a certain negative opinion of it. And I am aware that for some plus-size women that those spaces can also be quite negative if you don't look a certain way. The other issue that I know that plus-size women sometimes do experience is fetishization. And fetishization is when someone wants someone for their body, but nothing more. They want the experience of the person's body. There's even things that people say that are quite objectifying, like calling plus-size women winter stock, which is something people in South Africa like saying that in winter they gravitate towards more plus-size women and in summer it's for the more smaller women in terms of size. That is fetishization.

[00:16:52]And even with the men who do like plus-size women, I have noticed something.

[00:17:00]They cannot compliment without making it sexual. And I'm not saying it's all men, but here's an example.

[00:17:09]>> We all have our specs when it comes to mutual fit.

[00:17:14]And I'm telling you sure it's the thicker the better. Those stretch marks in here I just directions that's leading to good [ __ ] Yo, I tends to force.

[00:17:24]>> This man is obviously professing his admiration and love of plus-size women.

[00:17:30]But why does there always have to be a sexual undertone? That for me is kind of blurring the lines of fetishization and objectification. You can compliment a plus-size woman without making it sexual without making it about her body. You can just say, "I love plus-size women. I love this about them." But when you sexualize it, it becomes very much blurry into whether you truly appreciate plus-size women or you like the fantasy of plus-size women. You can give out compliments to people, but you don't have to make it sexual.

[00:18:10]And I'm also aware that from the experiences and what I've seen that even people when they talk about plus-size women, there is a certain body type that they are thinking about. They are thinking about plus-size women who have more of a they hold more weight on their lower portion portion of their body versus the top portion. They are talking about the women who have more hourglass figures even though they are plus-size. So, I have noticed that even in those spaces for plus-size women, there is a certain specific body type that some people are talking about. There is a beauty standard even within the conversation of plus-size women that they want a specific body type. And I know it's not a universal experience, but it is a pattern. It's not a universal thing. It's a pattern whereby people gravitate to the plus-size where the thighs are bigger, the bum is bigger, and the waist is smaller. So, there is even a beauty standard that I have noticed when men talk about their desire for plus-size women. But here's the reality.

[00:19:20]A lot of men like plus-size women, especially African men, South African men. Yes, even if you're South African, you're still African.

[00:19:28]>> You need to go to Nigeria. They will love you guys, you know, because you are just big, you know?

[00:19:32]Yes, now you know you know Nigerians they like big women. They If they see you >> They like >> Ah, they like they they like abundance, yeah.

[00:19:40]>> [laughter] >> I love you guys. Do the right thing. I have a fetish. You see when God made thick women, I he took his time, shame.

[00:19:48]The curves, the big ass, the boobs. I mean you guys I appreciate art. God was not playing when he made thick women. He took his time. And some of y'all are complaining about the stomach. Yeah baba, that's the stomach that makes the stove hot. It's tough see my six because of the stomach. Guys, I don't need to tell you everything.

[00:20:09]>> There are a lot of men who love plus-size women. And that's is where I realized that the internet and reality is not a real place. There are so many weddings where I see plus-size women getting married, where I see plus-size women being appreciated and desired. I know a friend. I have a friend where I went through his social media and he just loves plus-size women.

[00:20:36]In the world people have different preferences and preference is so subjective. There are a lot of men who love plus-size women.

[00:20:46]There's even the stereotype that skinny men and men who go to the gym.

[00:20:51]And I've seen it. In my reality, that's what I'm trying to dispute. Not that makes his reality a reality for every South African man, when it's not the case. There are men who have that specific type. there are men who like that specific type, and there's a type for everyone. Everyone, every woman usually gets picked.

[00:21:17]That's just the truth. Every woman will get picked. If you want to be picked, there are men who desire your specific aesthetic.

[00:21:27]But, I do remember seeing another comment from a lady that pointed out that sometimes the men who desire her as a plus-size woman are not the men she's attracted to. So, that is not even for me a plus-size experience. That is an experience for everyone. We usually do have people who desire us, and we do not find them attractive. Like, that's for everyone.

[00:21:51]We always talk about how sometimes the person you do not do want wants you more, and the person that you want doesn't want you. That's a universal experience. It's not just something that happens because you're plus-size.

[00:22:06]But, I do know that there is nuance in the sense that for some plus-size women, they do feel that they're not attracted to some of the men that approach them.

[00:22:17]I do see parallels sometimes as a tall person when it comes to the experiences of plus-size women because reality is, if we're in the world, I'm so aware that the world isn't designed for a bigger body.

[00:22:34]Whether you're tall, whether you're plus-size, there are certain spaces like obviously going shopping for clothing.

[00:22:41]Plus-size women do also have a struggle when it comes to shopping for clothing, and a tall woman have similar issues at times where you can buy a pencil skirt, and it's a mini skirt on you. And even public transport, I can't sit in certain public transportation because I am tall. I don't have enough legroom.

[00:23:01]>> [music] >> And those are the parallels. I'm aware that the world isn't designed for specific body types. So, that's another issue that I think I have to highlight that yes, there is a difference in experience when it comes to certain body types.

[00:23:18]There is an overall difference, but that is just how life operates.

[00:23:23]Every person has something different about them. There's men who like light-skinned women. There's men who like dark-skinned women, skinny women, plus-size women. And that in itself comes with its own different advantages and disadvantages.

[00:23:38]And depending on where you are, in most African cultures, a lot of men usually appreciate a woman who is more voluptuous. No matter what people like not that think.

[00:23:52]And I know that not all men might have the same type. And that's the beauty of life. Not everyone likes the same thing.

[00:24:00]But reality is there are so many beautiful couples I have seen where it's a man who is more slim and a plus-size woman. There are many men who love a plus-size woman. Whether or not you disagree with this doesn't change the reality that there are men who actively have that specific type. And there is a type for everyone. And that's the beauty of life that your reality isn't everyone's reality. And some of the frustrations that I have seen that plus-size women express are usually just difficulties that come for everyone in relationships. There's some struggles. Dating is difficult for everyone in this social media climate, in this modern age. And sometimes I do think that people can internalize >> [music] >> things because of their appearance. I am also aware that the world in certain spaces will treat you differently, but I'm also aware that there are spaces >> [music] >> and people that will love you and accept you. I would like to hear your opinion on this and if you got to the end of this video, leave a heart emoji in the comment section and tell me how you feel about this topic. Do you disagree? Do you agree? What is your perspective? I'd like to hear what you have to say, darling, and bye-bye.