I Was Called Out for How I Spend in Retirement

Added: 2026-06-02

[00:00:00]I got a comment recently that made me stop and think.

[00:00:04]I want to read it to you.

[00:00:07]I'm sick of hearing you tell people to live like a pauper. I'm done listening to scare videos like this. I just unsubscribed. I read it more than once.

[00:00:17]Part of me wondered if I had missed something in how I was explaining this.

[00:00:22]Then I thought, wait, is that what this feels like to some people?

[00:00:27]And if retirement has ever started to feel like one long exercise in saying no, this is for you. Because I think what that comment is picking up on is a difference I haven't explained clearly enough. The difference between being frugal and living intentionally. And those are not the same thing. In fact, I think a lot of people hear intentional and translate it into spend less. And that's not what I mean at all.

[00:00:56]So let me show you what I mean.

[00:00:59]I use the word intentional a lot.

[00:01:02]Spend intentionally, live intentionally, be intentional with your money. But I haven't explained what that actually looks like very clearly.

[00:01:12]Because retirement isn't about cutting things out. It's about choosing what stays in. And that sounds simple, but it doesn't always feel simple when you're actually living it.

[00:01:24]For me, this showed up with travel first. I started thinking about taking another trip to Europe. 10 days, not cheap.

[00:01:32]And you can feel the pull in two different directions. Frugality says, can I really afford this? Is it worth it? Maybe later when things feel more settled.

[00:01:43]Intentional spending says, is this something I'm actually excited about? Is this going to be a great adventure or a really meaningful experience? Yes, book it. Same bank account, completely different experience.

[00:02:01]Frugality is about minimizing what goes out. It treats every dollar out the door as something to minimize.

[00:02:09]Intentional spending is about choosing what stays in. It asks, does this actually fit the life I want?

[00:02:18]And this is where retirement completely changes the rules. When you were working, you had a clear feedback loop.

[00:02:26]Save more, watch your savings go up, feel good about yourself.

[00:02:30]The rules were obvious.

[00:02:33]Retirement removes that feedback loop.

[00:02:35]Now the number is supposed to go down.

[00:02:39]Spending is the point. But if the only game you know how to win is accumulation, retirement can start to feel like you're doing something wrong, even when everything is going exactly to plan.

[00:02:53]This is where frugality and intentional living split. Because frugality keeps trying to win the old game. Intentional living accepts that the rules have changed. Now I'll be honest, even when you understand that difference intellectually, it doesn't always feel easy in practice.

[00:03:14]And this showed up for me in a way I didn't expect. Not too long ago, I was trying to buy a really nice blanket.

[00:03:22]An expensive blanket.

[00:03:25]The money was there. It was in the plan, and I sat there with my card out hovering over the buy now button.

[00:03:33]And I struggled to click it. Not because I couldn't afford it, because after decades of saving, spending felt like something was going wrong. I had this little voice saying, you shouldn't be doing this.

[00:03:47]This is how people get into trouble.

[00:03:50]That voice, that hesitation, that discomfort, that's what I call save mode. And the thing about save mode is it served you well for a long time.

[00:04:02]It helped you build what you have.

[00:04:05]But in retirement, it can quietly work against you.

[00:04:09]Keeping you cautious long past the point where caution is necessary.

[00:04:14]And that's why frugality feels so natural even when it's no longer required.

[00:04:19]So let me answer the comment directly.

[00:04:22]Do I think you should live like a pauper in retirement? No.

[00:04:27]Not even a little bit.

[00:04:29]Here's what I actually believe.

[00:04:32]The goal isn't to spend less. It's to spend in a way that truly reflects your life. And that takes a different kind of thinking. And honestly, a different kind of comfort with your own decisions.

[00:04:46]Because intentional doesn't mean you analyze every single decision. It doesn't mean every dinner out turns into a debate in your head. It means you've already done the work.

[00:04:58]You know what your life costs. You know what matters to you and what doesn't.

[00:05:03]You've built a plan that has room in it.

[00:05:06]Room for the trip, room for the dinner out, room for the things that actually add something to your life.

[00:05:14]So when those things come up, you don't have to justify them in the moment. You don't sit there and negotiating with yourself.

[00:05:22]You just live inside the plan.

[00:05:25]That's what the structure is for, not restriction, but permission.

[00:05:30]The plan isn't there to control every decision. It's there so you don't have to second-guess every decision. And there's a big difference between those two things.

[00:05:41]Without structure, everything feels uncertain. With structure, most decisions are already settled. And here's the part I think that gets missed most. Intentional spending has two sides. It means saying yes confidently, without guilt, to the things that actually matter to you.

[00:06:02]But it also means letting go of the things that don't. Not as a sacrifice, not because you can't afford them, just because they were never really adding anything. I think about the gym membership that I kept because it felt responsible, even though I rarely used it.

[00:06:19]The dinners I said yes to out of obligation, sitting there thinking, I'd rather be at home. I looked at every aspect of my life, and I finally started asking, honestly, is this something that is actually adding value to my life? And when the answer was no, I stopped.

[00:06:39]That's not deprivation, that's clarity.

[00:06:42]And when you clear that space, financially and mentally, what you're left with is the stuff that genuinely matters.

[00:06:52]Which you can then spend on fully, freely, and without that quiet feeling that something's off. So no, I don't believe in living like a pauper. I take trips, lots of them. I eat out. I spend on things I genuinely enjoy. But I'm not just filling space, and I'm not keeping score the way I used to. Because you can underspend from anxiety, and you can overspend from anxiety. Both feel off even when the numbers work.

[00:07:21]And that's the part no one really talks about.

[00:07:24]What you're looking for is something quieter than that. A kind of ease with your own decisions.

[00:07:31]Where your spending actually reflects your life.

[00:07:34]And you stop using your account balances to keep score in a game you've already won.

[00:07:41]That's what intentional spending truly looks like.

[00:07:45]Not a smaller life, just one that fits you. And honestly, I'm still figuring this out, too.

[00:07:51]So I'm curious, have you felt that hesitation even when you know the money is there?

[00:07:57]Or are you finding yourself pulled more toward structure or toward freedom?

[00:08:02]Let me know in the comments, and I'll see you in the next one.