Why TEENAGERS Stop Listening to PARENTS and How To Handle Them

[00:00:07][music] [music] [music] [music] [music] [music] >> Why teenagers stop listening to parents.

[00:00:44]>> [music] >> Why has my child changed?

[00:00:51]Have you ever felt this as a parent?

[00:00:55]My child was so close to me earlier.

[00:00:59]But now my teenager does not listen to me.

[00:01:05]You say something with love.

[00:01:07]They react with irritation.

[00:01:10]You give advice.

[00:01:12]They say, "I know."

[00:01:16]You try to correct them.

[00:01:18]They walk away, argue, or remain silent.

[00:01:24]And slowly, as a parent, you begin to feel hurt.

[00:01:30]You may ask yourself, "Where did I go wrong?

[00:01:34]Why is my child moving away from me?

[00:01:39]Does my teenager no longer respect me?"

[00:01:44]Let's pause here.

[00:01:47]Parents, your teenager may not be rejecting you.

[00:01:52]They may be reacting to the way your message is being delivered.

[00:01:58]Hi.

[00:01:59]This is [laughter] Coach Selo.

[00:02:01]Today, let us understand one small but important issue between parents [music] and teenagers.

[00:02:14]Why parents feel hurt.

[00:02:19]Parents feel hurt because the relationship seems to change suddenly.

[00:02:27]When the child was young, they listened easily.

[00:02:32]They shared small stories.

[00:02:35]They came running to the parent. They accepted guidance without much questioning.

[00:02:42]But during the teenage years, something changes.

[00:02:48]Teenagers begin to think independently.

[00:02:52]They want privacy.

[00:02:54]They want respect. They want to be heard.

[00:02:59]So, when they don't respond like before, parents may feel rejected.

[00:03:06]But very often, the teenager is not saying, "I don't need you."

[00:03:13]They may actually be saying, "Please understand me differently now."

[00:03:20]That is the first shift parents need to notice.

[00:03:24]>> [music] >> The child is growing.

[00:03:26]The relationship also has to grow.

[00:03:32]What the parent says as against what the teenager hears.

[00:03:39]Many teenagers are not rejecting their parents.

[00:03:45]They may be resisting the way parents communicate.

[00:03:50]They may be rejecting repeated advice, repeated comparison, repeated criticism, and [music] repeated lectures.

[00:04:02]A parent says, "I'm only guiding you."

[00:04:06]But the teenager hears, "You don't trust me, do you?"

[00:04:12]A parent says, "I know what is good for you."

[00:04:17]But the teenager hears, "My feelings don't matter, do they?"

[00:04:24]A parent says, "I'm telling this for your future."

[00:04:29]But the teenager hears, "You are not seeing what I am going through today."

[00:04:36]This is where the emotional gap [singing and music] begins.

[00:04:41]The intention of the parents is true and comes from love.

[00:04:47]But the experience of the teenager is that of pressure.

[00:04:54]>> [music] >> And when pressure increases, listening decreases.

[00:05:01]Why? More advice may create more distance.

[00:05:06]>> [music] >> Repeated advice can sound like repeated doubt.

[00:05:13]When the same instruction is given again and again and again, the teenager may feel, "My parents don't believe I can think."

[00:05:25]Or, "They only see my mistakes."

[00:05:31]"They are not listening to my side."

[00:05:35]>> [clears throat] >> "Every conversation becomes a big lecture."

[00:05:40]Once a teenager expects a lecture, they stop opening up.

[00:05:47]They [music] may sit in front of you, but emotionally they shut the door.

[00:05:53]That is why more advice does not always create more influence.

[00:06:00]Sometimes more advice creates more distance.

[00:06:06]So, the first step is not to give more advice.

[00:06:11]>> [music] >> On the other hand, the first step is to rebuild connection.

[00:06:17]>> [music] >> Hence, before correcting, strive to [music] connect.

[00:06:27]Before advising, >> [clears throat] >> get ready to listen.

[00:06:32]Before judging, try to understand, and before reacting, take a pause.

[00:06:43]A teenager is more likely to listen if they feel respected.

[00:06:50]The solution.

[00:06:54]So, what is the solution?

[00:06:59]Should not parents guide?

[00:07:03]Should not parents set boundaries for their teenagers?

[00:07:09]Yes.

[00:07:12]Parents must guide.

[00:07:15]Parents must correct. [laughter] Parents must set boundaries.

[00:07:23]But, guidance becomes powerful only when there is trust.

[00:07:33]Connection does not mean parents should stop guiding.

[00:07:39]But, first comes connection, then comes trust, and then comes influence, followed by [music] guidance.

[00:07:52]Without connection, advice sounds like pressure.

[00:07:57]With connection, advice feels like support.

[00:08:02]So, dear parents, the next time your teenager does not listen, don't immediately ask, "Why is my child so stubborn?"

[00:08:13]Instead, gently ask yourself, "Is my message reaching my child?

[00:08:20]Or is my tone creating resistance?

[00:08:27]Am I striving to connect first or correct them first?

[00:08:35]Am I listening enough before advising?

[00:08:41]And similar such questions."

[00:08:45]This week, try one small change.

[00:08:49]Before giving advice to a teenager, ask yourself, or ask him better, "Do you want me to listen first or shall I share my suggestions?"

[00:09:03]This one question can change the quality of the conversation.

[00:09:08]Teenagers do not need perfect parents.

[00:09:12]They need parents who are willing to understand them, grow with them, and guide them with calm strength.

[00:09:21]Hi friends, hi parents, I'm Good Sello.

[00:09:26]Let us learn how parents and teenagers can understand [music] each other one conversation at a time.

[00:09:39]>> [music] >> Mhm.