Why Society Pushes Relationships So Hard

Added: 2026-05-25

[00:00:00]You need a girl this bad? Yes.

[00:00:02]>> Wedding this weekend and I couldn't be happier. I've never been in a romantic relationship.

[00:00:07]>> I love going to weddings cuz they always have like really really really good cake. I will say though, I hate if I ever get married. I'm never getting married outside. I really don't like uh outside weddings, especially when it's like summertime and it's hot. No thank you. And there's bugs. No thank you.

[00:00:24]Nuh-uh. Nuh-uh. And I have allergies.

[00:00:26]No. Inside. Inside, please. where it's like air conditioned and it's cool and it's nice and there's music playing and stuff, but they always have like really really really good food and like cakes, cupcakes, sometimes macarons. Oh, fire.

[00:00:39]I love going to weddings for that. Also, his hole in the wall looks bigger than last videos. It was like around this. It was around this size. Now it's like doubled in size. Maybe it's going to kind of be like the invincible like the invincible title screen, you know? Every video just gets bigger and bigger. But sure, let's spend an entire weekend celebrating yours. That sounds so great. My plan is to faint in the middle of the floor during their first dance. If they stop to check on me, I'll say I'm all right.

[00:01:06]But if they try to restart the dance afterwards, I'll do it again. I once asked for video suggestions and 20% of the comments were something related to dating. And I'll be honest, I want to be judgmental. Look at the youth. So obsessed with gaining romantic validation. That is until I realized, oh wait, I am the youth and I am insufferable. Of course, both men and women have wrong opinions about relationships, but the men online particularly have been weird. Faking their personalities from head to toe, blaming >> performative males. Performative males >> percent of the world's population for all their problems and making disciples out of young, impressionable men because you need to teach them to hate women early. It's for their own good. I've been hesitant to make a video on romance for two reasons. One, like I mentioned earlier, I've never been in a real relationship, so I don't know much about that.

[00:01:48]>> That's real. I haven't been in a real relationship either. I I don't even know how you get into a real relationship.

[00:01:53]I've been in talking stages. Uh I've had a I have I've had like people confess to me, but you know, I haven't been like in a in a relationship. Hello. I haven't been Yeah, I don't know how any of that works. So, don't don't ask me. And most of the time when people come to me for advice, I'm like, "Yeah, I don't Yeah, I don't I don't know."

[00:02:13]>> And reason number two watches my videos, so I hope she doesn't see this. I'm kidding. I would never talk about that here every day in my journal. Well, yes, obviously that's a stupid question, but not here. So, fellas, what's going on?

[00:02:24]Why do we do this in the name of romance? Let's discuss this because I'm very qualified to be making this video.

[00:02:29]Dear diary, she didn't look at me today.

[00:02:32]I'm nothing.

[00:02:38]>> The skyscraper.

[00:02:40]>> Like every good video essay, I have to start 50 years ago and work my way back to the present. As a child, every show I watched had a romantic subplot. every single one of them. And as it would turn out, those would be some of my favorite episodes. So, as a kid, I was completely surrounded by the idea that the most fun you will ever have is when you finally meet that one person that completes you and you have a bunch of and it makes everyone in the audience go a >> Jason. Why would you set that bus on fire? Cuz I'm crazy about you, Cassandra. I love your laugh, your smile, your long flowy hair.

[00:03:07]>> I know nothing about Ley. My brother loves Ley, though. He's not He's not a performative male. He actually loves Ley. He has like he has like a poster of her on his wall. He has like uh CDs and stuff. He actually really likes her music. Yeah. He says that he listens to her when he's lifting weights as well.

[00:03:25]>> But you said you were moving and riding the school bus every day isn't worth it unless you're on that bus. I'm moving two blocks up. I'm going to be closer to your house.

[00:03:34]>> Now you tell me.

[00:03:37]>> Didn't that bus have a full tank of gas?

[00:03:39]I just wanted to be like Cody and Bailey or Zach and Maya or Casey and Brett or Joe and Kendall or Teddy and Spencer minus the cheating on the show and also the cheating in real life or Teddy and B or Teddy and Spencer the second time.

[00:03:50]These shows set up expectations that you need this or you're lame and that put pressure on you.

[00:03:54]>> You're you're going to be alone forever and ever and you're never going to get a girlfriend or boyfriend and it it has to be that way >> to either make experiences like this happen or to expect them to happen in the very near future. When you were growing up and you hung out with a friend who was a girl, did adults in your life look at you too and be like, "Oh, is that your little girlfriend?"

[00:04:12]Obviously, that's a joke, but it leaves an impression in a young boy's mind. Any positive inter?

[00:04:15]>> No, that wasn't mine. It was like I would get like bullied at school and it would be so happy to be a guy and oh, he just likes you. Oh, he just likes you.

[00:04:23]Does he? He's making fun of me all the time and he calls me slow and he keeps beating me at like soccer. I don't think he likes me. He hit me. He hit me in the face with a ball. I don't think he likes me. He's trying to kill me.

[00:04:38]>> Action with a girl my age automatically means there's romance. Yes, they were jokes to you, but they were prophecy to me.

[00:04:44]>> But now Sally won't return my calls. And my parents keep saying that my actions are becoming mildly disturbing, even though they're the ones that told me that Sally and I were going to get married. And yet somehow I'm the crazy one.

[00:04:53]>> Okay. Well, I just wanted to remind you that your insurance only covers physical therapy, and I do charge by the minute.

[00:04:59]>> I already gave you my credit card. Now do your job. Or when you're watching a kid show, it can never be two emotionally mature people sitting down to have a healthy conversation about how they feel, if they're mature enough to pursue it, what they want to do from there. Because that's not enough drama, which to be fair.

[00:05:12]>> Yeah. What are you going to do next?

[00:05:14]Open a Roth IRA? I don't want to watch smart people make good decisions. I want to watch mess. I love the friends to lovers trope. Talking to your friend about your problem and they say just the right thing and then they hug you and wow, this hug is going on for a little bit longer than it probably should be.

[00:05:26]Wait a second.

[00:05:33]The trope is so often such a drawn out, toxic, frustrating thing. I think it can be easily misunderstood. It can make it seem that the point of having a friendship with a woman is to meet a prerequisite. You know, hit a checkbox on step one.

[00:05:46]>> From then on, it's only a matter of time until she realizes how great I am and she'll adore me. Do you remember being 13 and ruining a perfectly good friendship by doing this?

[00:05:53]>> Hey. Hey, ma'am.

[00:05:57]There's someone that I like and you might know her. She She has the same name as you.

[00:06:08]>> There she is.

[00:06:12]>> Hey. Hey.

[00:06:14]>> I still love the trope and if it does happen to me, please believe I will tell the story of how we met until I die. But that shouldn't be in the back of mind at all times. That all female friends are simply options in waiting.

[00:06:25]Gross. In an ideal world, none of the propaganda from big love should have any effect on us, and we wouldn't put romantic love on such a high pedestal at such a young age. However, we do not live in an ideal world. The propaganda worked on me, and it worked hard.

[00:06:38]>> It worked on me, too.

[00:06:45]>> That sounds like a great idea. Other friends come and go, which is great. I want my friends to do great things so I can brag ABOUT THEM. MY SISTER.

[00:06:52]>> YES. YES.

[00:06:54]YES.

[00:06:55]>> Four languages. You think I'm jealous of that? No. Now I can tell strangers that I have a sister that speaks four languages. It makes me look cooler because I know someone that can do that.

[00:07:04]Your friend's accomplishments are great because they're things you can brag about to strangers. And now it'll make you look cool by association. Never forget that. But nonetheless, they do leave or drift away eventually. But a spouse, at least in concept, is the only friend that is always going to be there and is always going to care about the dumbest and most unimportant parts of your life. Why is it do you think that people get married >> with passion?

[00:07:25]>> No.

[00:07:25]>> Because we need a witness to our lives in a marriage. You're promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things, all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed because I will be your witness.

[00:07:44]>> I want a wife who knows that I like to wear a hat of some kind on my head whenever I'm writing scripts. that knows that I drive like a scenile grandmother who refuses to go 2 m above the speed limit or that knows that I think it is completely idiotic to have a half- filled soap container and instead of filling it with new soap, you just fill it with water and then shake it up and then it's a more diluted version of the soap. And you do that and you think, "Oh, I just doubled the soap." Well, yes, but you also just made it half as dense. So now you need to use two pumps instead of one pump. And by the time if you do the math, I'm pretty sure you end up using the same volume of actual soap than if you just use normal soap. If you shop at a store with an organic produce section, you probably have the disposable income to just buy more soap.

[00:08:22]Just buy more soap. She would know all of that. That's my dream marriage. So, I will never understand a person who treats a marriage more like a business negotiation where I just want to be in a marriage. It's not as important who you are as a person. Like, it's a requirement of life and I just have to check a box off. So, I'm not marrying a lifetime roommate just so I can make my parents happy. You guys are probably going to die within the next 20 years.

[00:08:43]I'm still going to be married to her.

[00:08:44]I'm not doing this. But we continue to chase love because I think love is sold to us as almost like the ultimate solution to ourselves. The things that like makes our past okay that gives us >> You see her arms, bro?

[00:08:57]>> Oh my god, she looks crazy.

[00:08:59]>> Direction for the future and impuse our everyday reality with meaning.

[00:09:03]>> Once I find someone to love me, it'll all be okay. I'm allowed to hate myself now because that's just going to make meeting her and falling in love that much better. This is a completely satisfying and healthy way to live life.

[00:09:13]I've had all kinds of relationships in my life. Friendship, father, mother, siblings, mentor, family, friends, kid who decided that you're their favorite person in the world for some reason, weird little cousins, homeless. But it seems that as you interact with someone that you have affection for, they have the biggest immediate impact on how you see yourself and how you view the world.

[00:09:31]I can't explain it, but talking to her makes things feel different for a little bit.

[00:09:35]>> I don't know. I just think I'm a loser.

[00:09:36]>> No, you're not. And proceed to chase that high every day for the next 3 years of my life. This is why I don't like it when people say men don't. The only men that don't yearn are the men who don't like you. As a boy, I yearned hard. I remember I couldn't have been older than 11 or 12. I met this girl at a field day once. Now, I was watching this show called Miraculous, which at the time, >> I love Miraculous. Ladybug, bro, don't play.

[00:09:56]>> Pretty sure it wasn't as popular, and I had no idea about the fan base, but I loved it. One thing I did know is that as a 12-year-old boy, I was probably not the main demographic of this television program. So, I was rightfully ashamed.

[00:10:08]But the girl, she knew the show. She loved the show. We talked about the show. I don't remember a single other thing about our interaction that day.

[00:10:15]But I do remember this. I spent the next several months thinking about her as I went to sleep every night. That is not an exaggeration. I never saw her again.

[00:10:24]I yearned. I am sad to report though that boy is dead now.

[00:10:27]>> I yearn for the mind.

[00:10:29]>> I'm an adult and I've fully decided that I'm now just going to be toxic. My goal is to be the reason a girl dyes her hair blue. I know that's a big goal for a rookie, but I'm a dreamer. Haha. Wasn't that a funny joke that nobody's going to take too seriously? Haha. But for some guys, that's not a joke. Maybe they got their feelings hurt. Maybe they're not getting as much attention as they feel they should be. So from then on, they decide to be evil. And unfortunately, if that's the game they want to play, they have a number of skins to choose from.

[00:10:56]>> Nonchalant.

[00:11:03]You know me. You know me. Performing males and alpha males are the same then.

[00:11:12]A man who presents himself as something that he's not to get the attention of women is a poser. And typically, we would expect a man like that to go down the alpha male podcaster, I hate women and they all suck road. But there's also another side of that coin. Ironically, he could accomplish the exact same goal by taking the exact opposite approach.

[00:11:28]There's been a lot of discussion on a new method to manipulate women called the performative male. And by new, I do mean that literally everyone has been talking about it for the past 2 months and it's old now. I'm sorry I made this video as quickly as I possibly could.

[00:11:38]Put simply, the performative male aesthetic is what if a little girl had to design a Kendall doll using nothing but Barbie's accessories. He wears baggy pants and crop tees and reads women books and he has earrings and necklaces and stickers on his tote bags and little trinkets hang from his belt loops and hair long and voluminous. No matter what race he is, whether you love or hate the look isn't the point. The reason the internet has called out and made fun of the trend is the motives behind it, to impress women. But this isn't the first time we've seen this. Men have a long history of making fools of themselves in order to attain women that don't like them. The gym bro, the biker bad boy, the hipster, the busy money businessman.

[00:12:09]All of these are costumes of which men of different time periods have put on in order to get the attention of women.

[00:12:14]What makes this different? It's less obvious. Not only did these archetypes develop slowly and define an entire decade, if not an entire century, but it also helps that these things just look inherently masculine. The performative man aesthetic is starkly different because it developed quickly and in the age of social media. So, not only is it a very fresh concept, it's a concept that developed in real time with the scrutiny of millions of people watching it, but say what you want, the performative male is innovative. This is a man who was taught his entire life that if you want to get the girl, you need the physique, the money, and the deviv. He had none of that. No, he waited for those guys to ruin their own reputation. And then he took everything he'd been taught was a weakness and turned it into an advantage. And small advantages add up over time. The appeal of this kind of men may have increased because the roles of women in society have changed. Over the decades and centuries, women have gained more control over their own lives. They work for themselves. They live by themselves.

[00:13:06]They can own land now.

[00:13:08]>> What?

[00:13:09]>> Wow.

[00:13:10]>> What the heck?

[00:13:12]>> Good for you guys. The performative man is safe and non-threatening. Therefore, women should feel more comfortable around him. Because if you were looking for a man who wouldn't hurt you, who would you opt for? the loud bodybuilder who's punched multiple holes in his mother's basement wall or the 130 lb man with a gluten sensitivity. He's not actually allergic. It just it messes with his gut health. Get out of here.

[00:13:31]The man's a genius. And since it's become less necessary for the average woman to need a man to fulfill their bread winner, protector, provider role, they can prioritize other qualities and potential partners. You know, now that I'm allowed to own a bank account, maybe I don't need to settle for a man whose mother describes him as something I'll get used to. Instead, they can prioritize partners with better soft skills like emotional maturity or healthy communication. But here's the thing, emotions are yucky.

[00:13:56]>> I just want to wear baggy pants and say buzzwords. That's way easier. Trauma dumping.

[00:14:01]>> I think it's working.

[00:14:02]>> But as a side note, I do have to point out just because a person enjoys doing things that have been labeled as performative, it doesn't mean that that's what he's trying to do. Because the trend has morphed from calling out dudes that are clearly doing things to get attention to just making fun of people for enjoying normal things. And I'll say it, I David and Chu, enjoy some things that have been classified as performative and it's starting to hurt my feelings.

[00:14:26]Baggy jeans are better than skinny jeans. I like wearing cardigans sometimes. Matcha is way better than coffee. I don't know much, but everything I've heard from Lebe and Claro is fire. And I'm saving to get a pair of sambas and I will be wearing bands until I can do that. But that's just because I enjoy those things. I'm not copying other people's styles. And even if I am, >> freak you.

[00:14:46]>> Whatever. We all have Pinterest and we all have Pinterest boards with a bunch of outfits that we want to wear. But when we buy the individual pieces and put them all together, it doesn't look quite right on our bodies. It somehow looks lopsided. It doesn't fit properly.

[00:14:57]It's baggy in the wrong places. Also, you can't just wake up and start wearing bandanas. You can't just become a bandana guy. We have all experienced that exact scenario. Social media is so much about putting on a costume that other people will see and like that it's easy to forget that being a good person is about doing things that will go unnoticed by 90% of people. But how's that going to win me the approval of strangers? It won't. Vinyls might though. This isn't to say I'm perfect.

[00:15:18]Was there a time in high school where I thought having three sisters made me different because I understood women and oh my gosh, he can name all of the Cheetah Girls. Linda, Chanel, Galleria, Aqua in the House. Would you sing to me now? Yes, I'm only human. Sue me. I just understand women. I don't know about those Neanderthalss playing sports ball over there, but I've read a Dork Diaries book. So, lady ladies, contain yourselves. There's more than enough to go around. That stuff doesn't make you happy. It's just weird. Then one day, you realize >> I'm a loser. So, where do you turn when your match is watered down, your baggy pants aren't as baggy as they used to be, and you realize you're just a boy who wants to be loved?

[00:15:58]>> Have you tried inspirational quotes?

[00:16:02]I don't need no woman.

[00:16:05]>> You ever met a couple where one of the people was very clearly way cooler than the other one? And not in a a she's shy with everyone except him. It's more like I'm sorry, how did you guys meet again?

[00:16:14]You know, some of the best couples I know are made of two non-lossers.

[00:16:17]They're great on their own, but then when they come together, they're like two puzzle pieces that connect and it's great. I think that's what makes them great couples because when you're a loser, you're insecure and you're jealous and you make arguments and you can't be happy for one another and you're dependent on one another. But when you're not a loser, you're chill.

[00:16:32]People like chill people. You don't have to be together all the time because you're chill. You don't have to like the same hobbies because you're chill. You don't have to share all the same friends because you're chill. Two chill people.

[00:16:43]>> I like that. I think it takes time to go from being a loser to a non- loser. And I don't think it's fair to attach yourself to another person until you can figure that out. But to be frank, that makes me a little upset. All that time I spent yearning as a 12-year-old just wasted. I was going to hate my life for the first 20 to 27 years of it. And then I was going to meet the perfect girl who was going to fit all of my expectations.

[00:17:01]And then she was going to be my perfect and only friend. And I was going to be happy for the rest of my life. She was going to fix me. Now I got to do all that work by myself. How am I supposed to do that? Huh?

[00:17:10]>> You got to fix yourself before you get into another relationship. Cuz if you're just a broken puzzle piece, but you have another puzzle piece, you can't fit cuz you're broken. You're a broken puzzle piece. You can't fit with your other puzzle piece. So you got to be a whole puzzle piece in order to fit with your other puzzle piece.

[00:17:25]like watching self-acceptance videos.

[00:17:27]They don't work on me. I watched so many of them and trying to get ready for this video. They all sound the same. It got very annoying. There's nothing wrong with it. It's just so repetitive and it takes itself so seriously even though it's saying so much of nothing. I don't see how it could help. But that's the thing about love. The love you get isn't always the love you want or the love you need or even the love you ask for. It's the kind of love that feels like you're constantly drowning or that your hair is on fire just the way you like it. And that's how you know it's real because love hurts and pain is the primary sensation you should be feeling when you're in love.

[00:18:00]>> This is on YouTube kids.

[00:18:01]>> Now, who wants to watch a guy in a Spider-Man costume yell in a BASEMENT FOR 3 HOURS?

[00:18:05]>> I WAS FEELING BAD ABOUT myself and in need of companionship and I heard this.

[00:18:09]I would be mad. I don't want to hear that. I don't want to hear about fish in an ocean or rose petals or footprints in the sand or about a person who doesn't even realize they've been living their whole lives blind and are just waiting to meet me so I can give them eyes to see for the very first time. I don't want to hear any of that. Get me a girlfriend. And those videos often end by saying something like, "You're going to find your person, and when you do, you're going to be so happy you didn't settle."

[00:18:30]>> What if they don't, though? You're not a prophet.

[00:18:32]>> Yeah. What if I don't? Then what do I do? What do I do?

[00:18:36]>> People die alone. You ever seen those videos like, "I'm x years old and I've never been in a relationship."

[00:18:41]>> Okay. I turned 40 this year and I've never been in love. I've never been in a relationship >> and I've had never no one ever ask me out on a date. I can remember being in my early 20s and uh being with a group of new friends that I didn't know very well and thinking about how to pretend or lie that I've had experiences that I've never had cuz I truly felt like there was something legitimately deeply wrong with me.

[00:19:05]>> Or what if you do find someone and it's just okay? Are you going to be so desperate to have someone anyone that you'll just deal with it? You can't end one of those self- loveve videos like that because it doesn't have a satisfying resolution. But that could happen to you. I hate when people can't admit what they want. Acting nonchalant is a contradiction. If you have to act, then you do care. Maybe it's just that I'm not that good at lying to myself, but I don't understand how telling yourself, "Oh, I don't care about getting attention and finding someone who loves me." How that's going to make you stop caring about it if you did care about it. I attract abundance and wealth and energy and light. I don't want attention in romance, and I don't care what men or women think about me. Yes, you do. No person has ever looked at themselves in the mirror to say they don't care about something unless they deeply care about it. I'll go ahead and say it. I do care. I know I said that from now on I'm going to be toxic. I quit. I can't do it. I hate it. It's so mean. Eventually, I do want the romance and the relationship and the marriage and the American average of 2.5 kids. I want that kind of a lot. And as I alluded to earlier, if I don't get it, I will set a building on fire.

[00:20:08]>> It's okay to admit you're looking for a relationship. so drilled into my head that you have to act like you're not looking for a relationship in order to find your person. Just like be realistic. I think everybody is thinking about relationships in the back of their mind whether they want to admit it or not. And I literally find myself being like desenter men don't think about that like okay let's just be real. I am thinking about that like it would be cool to find a relationship.

[00:20:29]>> So in conclusion the only two options are to become a mad old man who blames society for his lack of companionship or a sad old man who dies alone with no one to care about him. No happy endings here today. Would you think this was a '9s sitcom?

[00:20:46]What's wrong, honey? I asked Sarah to the Boys and Girls Hopscotch dance today and she rejected me.

[00:20:53]>> Oh, sweetheart, that sounds terrible.

[00:20:55]Then I asked Jenny and she said no, too.

[00:20:57]>> Jenny, >> really? Then Abigail didn't even let me finish the question. Oh, and Olivia just started crying when I asked her. You know what, sweetie? You don't need any of those girls. Mom, all I want is a girl that'll listen to me and make me feel special. I know, pumpkin. I just want someone who can listen to all my problems and I'll share my biggest dreams and hopes and fears and they'll care about me and I'll care about them and we'll enjoy the best parts of life together side by side.

[00:21:22]>> I understand.

[00:21:24]But you know, you do have a friend that you can do those things with, right?

[00:21:28]What is this concept you speak of?

[00:21:31]>> Man discovers friendship.

[00:21:33]>> In 1960, author CS Lewis wrote, "Friendship is unnecessary. It has no survival value. Rather, it is one of those things which give value to survival. At its core, I think the best romantic relationships are friendships.

[00:21:45]I will never understand a person who insists that their partner is not their friend. Then what what are you then?

[00:21:50]Co-workers, colleagues. But if at its foundation, a romantic relationship is just a friendship. Then is it not conceivable that a platonic friendship could somewhat fulfill those same needs?

[00:21:59]No. Obviously not. Because a platonic friend could never be that close to you is what I would have said a week ago.

[00:22:04]Since then, I've watched and read a lot of videos and articles that said I was wrong. It's easy to reason that romantic love is inherently deeper than platonic love. Because, as we previously discussed, that is what literally every piece of media would imply. Take something like the friend zone, the place where dreams of romance go to die.

[00:22:19]The concept makes it seem that being friends with someone who isn't mutually attracted to you is some kind of punishment. Tropes of the boy next door who's lived his whole life in love with you and he spends the whole movie in the background not really doing anything.

[00:22:30]the end of the movie when he grows a spine and he makes his move and he's emotionally invulnerable. And he revealed that he carries around the crate because it was part of his plan to kiss her. A plan he was fully committed to every day for several years. You weirdo. All of that would make it seem that platonic love is less than compared to real love, but is that always true?

[00:22:47]Reddit is usually a cess poolool encapsulating the worst of human nature, but in this case, I found it to be quite helpful. Can platonic love be as deep as real love? Typhoon Fight 1024 makes their argument that there are four pillars of love, romantic or otherwise, and that platonic love is lackluster when compared to romantic love because it cannot quite fulfill pillar number four, absoluteness. That is to say, striving to be number one, my one and only, that type of thing. And I must say, that's what I thought, too. I think one of the reasons friendship love gets devalued compared to romantic love is because in romance, you are assumed to be the priority. I'm going to talk to you every day. You're my plus one everywhere I go. We're going to be with each other till the day we die. And this isn't exclusive to established couples.

[00:23:24]Even if you like someone from far away, I don't know what it is about feelings, but it makes you want to put them above everyone else. And I do understand the complaint of prioritizing your partner above your friends because you've known your friends for longer. I do get it.

[00:23:35]But at the same time, it's kind of like the argument of I don't care if my sister has kids now. We used to share A BED. I'VE KNOWN you for 20 YEARS. YOU JUST MET that guy.

[00:23:43]>> Look at his face. Dumb little face.

[00:23:46]>> Stop.

[00:23:47]>> Yo, Zan, get your boy. And yet on the Reddit post, many of the comments disagreed with this take, insistent that platonic love can actually surpass the depth of romantic love. Now, this was a shock to me, especially in consideration with pillar number two, commitment, which said in part, "At its extreme, you are committed to them for an indefinite amount of time. If you two were immortal, you would stay with them forever."

[00:24:14]free smooth.

[00:24:16]>> Shaving, waxing, and clinical laser are officially out. Soft ingrown free.

[00:24:24]>> Really, I found one comment to be especially touching, and I will be reading it in part. It says, "I would argue that platonic love is deeper than romantic love. I went through all four years of college with my best friend.

[00:24:35]Lived with, graduated, lost my father, cried on her shoulder, have gone on countless vacations, parties, study sessions, beach trips. We have been friends for 10 plus years. She has a part of my soul and I have a part of hers. I feel comforted by her touch, her hug. I have been with my romantic partner for four years. No partner can come close to the deep love and respect I have for her. Because I have such deep love and respect. I am not jealous of her partner or her other friends. Her happiness and fulfillment in her own life is much more important to me than being her absolute. That's what deep love is, not some possessive game about being someone's everything. Beautiful words from long jumping cow 9321.

[00:25:12]Absolute cinema. Absolute cinema.

[00:25:15]>> I don't think I'm doing friendship correctly.

[00:25:19]Is that a weird thing to realize at 21?

[00:25:21]Oh my gosh, he's 21. I thought he was like 29. That makes me feel great. Thank you. I'm stealing the following from Bella Depalo, a PhD holder who wrote an article in Psychology Today. What could we get out of friendship and other non-romantic relationships if those relationships were just as valued, respected, celebrated, and supported as marriage and romantic relationships are?

[00:25:42]What?

[00:25:43]>> I don't know. You spend your whole life thinking that you're unlovable.

[00:25:46]Meanwhile, you have a group of loving friends that constantly prove that wrong, but you don't believe them because none of them are physically attracted to you. Those who cannot conceive friendship as substantive love, but only a disguise or elaboration of OS betray the fact that they have never had a friend. Again, CS L. This may sound crazy, >> see, >> but maybe friendship is enough. Or at least maybe it could be. Friendship of this level doesn't just happen. It's intentional. So, how is a pair of friends supposed to get to that point?

[00:26:15]>> There's an entire industry to help us be better leaders, to help us eat better, exercise better, sleep better, and yet there's barely anything on how to be a friend. And most people think they're good friends. If you ask most people, are you a good friend? Most people would say, yeah, I'm a good friend. And so, so I said, have you sacrificed that meeting to hang out with a friend? Do you go over to their house and climb into bed with them and sit and watch movies and eat ice cream all day?

[00:26:38]Yes, I do that with my friend.

[00:26:40]>> Be depressed with them. Have you ever said to your friend who I love you, not love you, not love you, I love you.

[00:26:47]>> I think it's harder for men to develop these kind of close friendships because as a man, if you show these kind of emotions and fully >> gay yourself, be yourself around other people, >> you might get clowned for it.

[00:27:00]>> Look at that tree. That's sick. Do you know what? I think I should climb it.

[00:27:04]You reckon I should climb it?

[00:27:05]>> Why would you climb that? You're literally 29 years old.

[00:27:08]>> Oh, no, no, no. Yeah.

[00:27:10]>> Oh, >> God, that's so cool.

[00:27:14]>> It's a horse.

[00:27:14]>> According to one survey, in 2023, 2/3 of American young men felt that no one really knows me. And in the US, 15% of men under 30 report having no close friends, which is up from just 3% in 1990. Male friendship is more activity based than discussing about your feelings and the type of person you are on the inside. I don't tell anyone the things that go wrong in my life. Was I supposed to be doing that?

[00:27:36]>> I'll keep all my emotions right here and then one day I'll die.

[00:27:41]>> A lot of people smarter than me insist that loneliness is less of a proximity problem, more of an intimacy problem because people are around. Lonely people have contacts on their phone. They have followers on Instagram. You may even be friends with a person who would consider themselves to be lonely. The people are around. It's that they don't feel connected to the people that they're around. And it's kind of embarrassing. I don't want to tell anybody that I'm lonely. That sounds lame. If I tell anyone, it's almost as if I'm begging them to be my friend. Solve my life.

[00:28:06]Mild acquaintance. A 2003 University of California report found that it was eight times more likely for divorced men to commit suicide than divorced women.

[00:28:15]Why >> so many men?

[00:28:18]>> Because you're you're okay. I I think I know this answer. Because when you get into a relationship as a man, usually with your friends, you don't share like like it's different from girls. Cuz with girls, like you can if you're close with someone, especially if I'm close with like a girl, I'll share like all my thoughts, all my feelings, what I feeling throughout the day, what I feel, what I feel about a situation. But with guys, they don't do that. They kind of just like, oh, they're nonchalant or whatever. I'm not a guy, but this is just what I've heard, you know, and the only the only partner that they actually like share their feelings with is their romantic partner. guys do. So, it's different from girls where like they have friendships where they they've already like told the like processed their feelings, gone through their feelings, been like, "Okay, this is what I feel. This is why I'm sad, you know, whatever." And then they get comforted, right? Um, girls have been used to that.

[00:29:04]Guys aren't used to that. But when they get into a romantic relationship, they they do that with their partner. And then if they're if and that's one of the only people, you know, that and maybe their mom, right? So if either one of those people die, they get even more depressed because that was the only person that they shared all of their feelings with, they shared like everything with. And then if they leave or you know, it's just a lot harder.

[00:29:28]>> Source socializing and relationships to their wives over the course of their marriage. His wife's friends become his friends. The wife is typically the one who schedules and plans and coordinates the social dimension of the relationship.

[00:29:41]>> So he's dependent on her for social things.

[00:29:45]not only does he not have the support systems to build one of his own people, even people I've known for a long time. I don't want to get made fun of or misunderstood or ruin the vibe.

[00:29:59]There is risk involved in trying to gain that level of intimacy. So, the question is, am I willing to take the leap? Can I let myself fall backwards and have the faith that the person behind me is going to catch me? I I think it's safe to say that this topic has changed my outlook on life more than any other topic I have done a video on. And I'm still not even fully sure that I agree with everything cuz I've never been on the other side yet. I still hope to get married someday. And I'm sure she's going to be great and her name's going to be Cleo and she's going to be able to skate and she's going to find all my jokes funny and she'll have already binge watched all of my videos. But it was a parasocial relationship but now it's a real relationship. This is a very real and realistic fantasy to have. It's going to happen. Cleo and I are going to roller skate into the sunset and it's going to be great. But for now, I don't think I'm ready for that. I have a lot more to focus on right now and I have a lot to be grateful for right now. So, boys, go make some friends.

[00:30:52]>> Yes, sir.

[00:30:53]>> I think we'll be just fine.

[00:30:54]>> Yes, sir.

[00:30:58]>> These are just a few ways to get attention at someone else's wedding.

[00:31:01]Option one, come in late so that it looks like you're part of the ceremony.

[00:31:04]And in this situation, it definitely helps if you're wearing the same color as the bridesmaids or a tiara. Number two, tap your glass to get them to kiss and then when they do kiss, boo them.

[00:31:13]Option three, >> I got to post something, >> bro. Fire video. Okay, now let me look up that one.