Hidden difficulties interracial couples go through

Hinzugefügt: 2026-05-12

[00:00:00]as an interracial couple. What is one of the hardest things you've gone through?

[00:00:03]>> All the white men, we used to live in the mountains. They would all stare at like him and then they would look at me like, "What are you doing with a black man when you could be with a man like me?"

[00:00:10]>> What is the most difficult part about being in an interracial relationship?

[00:00:15]Sometimes you just feel like a freaking failure. When you get into this relationship, you quickly realize that you weren't just blending cultures, you're typically blending like two different worlds.

[00:00:24]>> And I think when I first started dating Grant, I was worried about the public perception of dating a white guy. I was super, super nervous because I didn't want people to think that I was dating a white guy because I hated myself as a black person. My husband is American, I'm African. And at the beginning, everything felt like a fight.

[00:00:47]as an interracial couple. What is one of the hardest things you've gone through?

[00:00:50]>> All the white men, we used to live in the mountains. They would all stare at like him and then they would look at me like, "What are you doing with a black man when you could be with a man like me?" And then vice versa, we would walk through the mall and a lot of black women would just give me a lot of looks just because, you know, I'm with the black man. We still deal with it. Yeah.

[00:01:05]Time for you?

[00:01:06]>> Even for family. Yeah. Really?

[00:01:08]>> going to say, even my family, the women in my family hold a strong, I'd say a strong tradition that we have to marry our own. Is this your first interracial relationship?

[00:01:16]>> yeah. For me, no. Oh, so it wasn't a far deviation from what you experienced previously? Well, no different because he's my my husband. So, when I was dating, it was different because I didn't pay attention to the the racial stuff.

[00:01:28]>> So, this is my first interracial relationship also, but it was difficult for me in the beginning. So, has that been something difficult for you as well? No, it was something to get like used to. I'd say it was something to get used to, but it's it's been pleasant for us. It's been pleasant being us. Last question, what kind of relationship advice would you give to people wanting interracial relationships and then just generally? Whether it be interracial or just advice period, no matter how they look, no matter the color, big, small, Um, we're all put here for each other. Love who you going to love. What is the most difficult part about being in an interracial relationship?

[00:02:04]I'm going to let you take it away, sir.

[00:02:06]Um, the most difficult part is uh combining What?

[00:02:13]What? He was in therapy so he was It's our neighbor.

[00:02:18]Um, is is combining two cultures. Um, though we were both born and raised in America.

[00:02:27]Uh, definitely there was a difference in culture and things like um, yeah, just how we communicate and express ourselves in different ways. If I feel like that is the like once we discovered that, that was the point that we're like, we are different people.

[00:02:47]Yeah.

[00:02:48]>> And you know, so we look different, come from different cultures. We're We also have like different personalities.

[00:02:55]Um, but that's kind of aside from being interracial.

[00:03:00]So yeah, that's >> Yeah.

[00:03:01]I will have to say I was going to So I literally just was like, let's go make a video real quick. So he I just thought about this question off the top of my head. So he didn't have time to think about it.

[00:03:10]And I didn't know what he was going to say, but I was going to say literally the same thing because baby, he used to get on my nerves in the beginning.

[00:03:19]What? [laughter] Because like I would just, you know, I'm one of eight so I'm very expressive with my hands. Sometimes I'm passionate about something, I'm talking loud, but I'm not like yelling at you. I'm just passionate about what I'm talking about.

[00:03:33]And he'll be like, "Calm down." Like you know, we need to be able to talk and I'm like, "Bro, I'm good. Like I'm not even yelling at you. If I was yelling at you, baby, you wouldn't be like this.

[00:03:43]Like I'm not yelling at you."

[00:03:46]Like this is you know, and I talk with my hands, you know, like I always talk with my hands and he thought I was being aggressive. I'm like, bro, this is what I do, okay? Like Come on, Neil.

[00:03:57]>> [laughter] >> Me while I'm like >> [laughter] >> Yeah, okay.

[00:04:03]Doing too much.

[00:04:05]No, but for real, like, you know, have y'all ever felt like that? Like, you know, I don't know, but if y'all you guys are in in interracial interracial relationship, I know y'all have had something sometimes where you like, bro, it's not that serious. Like, I'm just talking. I might be talking loud. I might be stuttering a little bit. It's cuz I'm passionate. I'm not yelling. I'm not fussing at you. It's cuz I'm passionate about I'm talking about.

[00:04:29]That's it.

[00:04:30]So, in the beginning, I had to kind of >> [laughter] >> No, I had to I just saying, babe. Yeah, so that's that's basically I feel like our communication was just different. And I feel like now he You feel like you got to hold on how I am? Yeah, and and I also feel like once you Yeah, once you spend a significant amount of time with someone and you learn all these things and then you can put it into context, it does make life much easier, much more simple to understand someone, where they're coming from, like, what's the um the emotion and tie that's tied to the expression and yeah, and the language, you know, there's like the whole love language thing, but it's also just like different different language, different speak, dude. Like, words mean different things and all that.

[00:05:26]And if you don't know all that, then yeah, it can be confusing, but once you do, it's awesome.

[00:05:33]And yeah, wouldn't take it back for anything.

[00:05:37]Period.

[00:05:38]And that's that. It's a wrap. Make sure y'all follow and share. And actually, you know what? Listen, I'm just going to be real with y'all.

[00:05:47]We got a pretty big Well, not I'll say pretty big. We got a We got a decent following on Instagram. And I'm trying to move us over to TikTok because TikTok I don't know. I just feel like I'm feeling it, okay? And I feel like everybody's on TikTok now anyway, so just follow us on TikTok. Like if y'all watch this video, I'm still trying to learn TikTok, okay? I'm a millennial, okay? I'm not Gen Z or Gen X or none of that. So, I I'm trying to get it together. I barely even know how to shake messages. I'll be trying to figure out how to comment back, okay? I'm trying to I'm learning. So, just bear with us and please just follow our page because we finna come with it. And I want y'all to let us know too what y'all what y'all want to see from us because we We got it all.

[00:06:35]>> [laughter] >> Period. That's what I'm saying.

[00:06:38]Something no one tells you about being in an interracial relationship.

[00:06:41]Sometimes you just feel like a freaking failure. When you get into this relationship, you quickly realize that you aren't just blending cultures, you're typically blending like two different worlds. In those worlds, there's two completely different sets of expectations. You'll never meet both sets of those 100% ever. This is where the name The Almost Indian Wife was born. I was feeling all this pressure to be this person and to assimilate 100% to my husband's culture, but to hold onto mine. I sat down with myself and I said, "I will never fully be an Indian wife."

[00:07:09]The fact that I felt like I had to be and that I was putting that pressure on myself because of what other people were saying was just ridiculous and it was breaking me down inside and I always felt like I was failing. Then I called myself The Almost Indian Wife. And yes, it was funny and yes, I laughed at it, but it was real. It was the fact that I will never attain this because I don't have to. This is my journey in figuring out who I am through both cultures and while we blend in all these things and I didn't have to hold myself according to anybody else's standards anymore. The thing about being in a relationship with somebody who happens to be white that nobody told me, so I'm going to tell you in case you happen to be in this situation, is that they really don't care at all what you look like by the head, right? So, when you get to the point that your braids look like this, they still tell you, "Oh, you look so beautiful." They don't check you. They let you walk out the house looking a [ __ ] mess.

[00:08:03]And then one day, cuz you're pushing, pushing, pushing your braids, and then one day you just log into a meet network, turn that camera on and go, >> [laughter] >> "Bitch, what are you doing?"

[00:08:18]I turn that camera off so fast and immediately immediately start taking my braids out.

[00:08:22]I canceled Pilates.

[00:08:24]My Pilates the studio owner, she reached out to me, she said, "Kendra, is everything okay?"

[00:08:29]I said, "Amber, I look a [ __ ] mess. I can't I should not be going out in public.

[00:08:37]Honestly. Honestly, truly. And this is my husband's fault. Because why are you telling me I still look beautiful? Why are you telling me every single day I look beautiful? And Do you understand what I'm saying? No amount of gel can fix this. It's time to take these hoes out.

[00:08:53]And they don't care.

[00:08:55]They don't care cuz they don't see it.

[00:08:57]I don't know.

[00:08:59]Is that a white person white man thing?

[00:09:01]A white woman and a white man thing?

[00:09:04]Is she praying on my downfall? Trying to make sure don't nobody else see me?

[00:09:08]Make sure don't nobody else try to take me?

[00:09:11]I'm here.

[00:09:15]I can't believe he's done this to me.

[00:09:16]>> [laughter] >> The further proximity you have from whiteness, the more you get judged for being with a white person. It has been hard dating interracially.

[00:09:25]>> Why? Well, multiple reasons. I think it's been difficult for Grant and I to date interracially is because I am phenotypically 100% unmistakably black, and I'm dark-skinned. And the further proximity you have from whiteness, the more you get judged for being with a white person. And so that was really difficult for me. And I think when I first started dating Grant, I was worried about the public perception of dating a white guy. I was super, super nervous because I didn't want people to think that I was dating a white guy because I hated myself as a black person. The first 3 years of my marriage were the hardest years of my life.

[00:10:01]My husband is American. I'm African. And at the beginning, everything felt like a fight.

[00:10:07]Like our parenting style was different, the way we communicated was different, our praying style was different, even the way we solve problem was completely different. The only way I understand is to yell, violence, like talk, scream, yell. And him, he just want to talk about it, like, "Okay, how can we resolve this?" Sometimes, we can't even agree on smallest things, like food for the kids, how to clean the house, how to handle stress, how to talk about our emotions. Everything felt like struggle.

[00:10:37]But one day, we sat down and had the very honest conversation. And that conversation changed everything for us.

[00:10:45]We realized something very simple. We're a team.

[00:10:49]Your goal is to keep the marriage. My goal is to keep the marriage. So why are we always fighting each other? If the goal is healthy kids, why can't you cook broccoli today and I will make jollof rice tomorrow? If the goal is to keep the house clean, why does it matter who wash the dishes or who dry them? If the goal is to raise happy kids, why can't we take turn in supporting them? You play video game with them this evening, the following morning, I play dance Nigerian music with them. That one shift changed our entire marriage.

[00:11:18]Instead of asking who is right, we started asking, "Okay, babe, what's the goal?" We have been married now for almost 8 years, going to 9 years.

[00:11:27]Different culture, different background, but at the end of the day, we are all still human.

[00:11:32]We still want the same thing. We want to be happy. We want to be heard. We want to be supported. We want to be loved rightly.

[00:11:39]So, I'm curious.

[00:11:41]If you're married to someone from same culture, like two people that are married to maybe a Nigerian, you're married to a Nigerian man or Ghanaian or Cameroonian, you're married to your own same culture. Do you still struggle to agree on things sometimes? Or is it easier?

[00:11:56]Tell me in the comment section. I genuinely I am curious. I want to know.

[00:12:00]If you watched to this part of the video, thank you for watching. Don't forget to follow for real conversation about marriage and interracial relationship like this. I look forward to welcoming you to my community. My name is Dammy. Thanks for watching again, and I will see you guys in my next video. Bye.

[00:12:21]I've never been one scared of dating a white guy. But, it's kind of crazy cuz what if y'all get in an argument, right?

[00:12:26]Y'all just at dinner, Thanksgiving dinner with the whole black family.

[00:12:29]You're with [music] her side of the family, right?

[00:12:31]But, before the dinner, y'all got into like a little fight or whatever, a little feud. You know, y'all were arguing about the car seat [music] for the kids or some [ __ ] >> [singing] >> Yeah, but you're at the table, and then your husband's like, "Pass me the mashed potatoes." And I'm still feuding with you not passing the mashed potatoes, right? And then your husband goes like, >> [music] >> I don't know cuz [music] what would you even say to your mom after that? Your your family. Like, they just can't forgive him after that. You told the kids at the table, "Dad Dad said nigger." Like, what?

[00:13:11]One struggle I have with interracial relationships, yes. I think we are willing to sacrifice more to be in them. We as we as black people to some extent.

[00:13:25]To some extent?

[00:13:26]Mainly I get what you mean.

[00:13:29]>> Mainly because sometimes we have to put down certain parts of our culture just like the dancing thing in order to make our partners happy.

[00:13:39]Yeah, because in the But, you know Davian, that that is heavily influenced by where you have your relationship. If you're in your partner's country, >> [music] >> then more or less you're going to abide by your partners, you know? But, if in your country, that's where you can bring your culture as, "All right, baby. Me love you.

[00:14:01]Me really love you. Me love you a lot.

[00:14:04]Me value our relationship.

[00:14:06]And it's just a dance. This is how me enjoy myself or we go carnival. This is a cultural thing. I don't want you to see it as anything more than a cultural thing."

[00:14:16]I don't understand why white people think they don't need lotion.

[00:14:23]My boyfriend and I have been living together for almost a year now. And it's come to a point where it's just like I can't beat around the bush about [ __ ] You know, and I've been telling him, "Baby, you know, you need to start putting lotion on because, you know, it's not like black jeans are amazing, but we don't look so young for so long just because we're black. Like we moisturize our skin. Like your skin is is is not going to be able to stretch good. You feel me? It's It's no elasticity cuz you don't never wear no lotion. So, if you move a muscle, you know, it's going to crack and break.

[00:15:00]That That's why you you you get wrinkly and stuff cuz your your skin your skin can't take it cuz you it ain't no moisture. And I'm trying to get him to understand that, baby. He don't He don't He don't give a damn. And it's not like white people don't get ashy. It's just like he'll be ashy as [ __ ] wait till the last minute to put some lotion on until his knees cracking.

[00:15:22]You shouldn't have to medically treat your elbows and knees. Babe, I need Aquaphor.

[00:15:27]>> No, you don't.

[00:15:29]You need Suave.

[00:15:31]You need cocoa butter. Every day. Like, what are we talking about here?

[00:15:36]And then when then we constantly going through this thing where it's just like, "Man, all you got to do is Come on, man.

[00:15:43]What are we doing here? I I Y'all got to really know what y'all getting yourselves into when y'all try to be in these interracial relationships. Because this [ __ ] is really getting to me.

[00:15:53]Bro, you're you're flaky.

[00:15:56]You're mad flaky, bro. You're Lotion, please. Why is this a battle?

[00:16:01]It's just like trying to get a kid to brush their teeth. Like, it's just like it's not going to kill you.

[00:16:06]It's going to do you good. Put a little lotion on. Get moisturized.

[00:16:11]And I get it at this point, you know, you know, I want to give up, but I can't give up. I got to fight for him.

[00:16:18]I got to fight for moisturization.

[00:16:22]Because I I can't I can't see you I can't see you fall through the cracks, babe.

[00:16:27]I'mma be 30 and you going to be 70.

[00:16:32]We can't Lotion.

[00:16:36]Babe, lotion cuz it's going to catch up to you.