What Does It Mean To Be a Mother | How Can You Be Liberated as a Mother | Toni Morrison Shares Gems

Added: 2026-05-11

[00:00:00]Hello friends and happy day after Mother's Day. So, I wanted to hop on here because I know I'm a little bit behind on releasing content. So, last Thursday me and Cece have collaborated and I knew y'all was going to love it.

[00:00:10]So, we did two videos together that I'm going to edit and put out today at least. Then, I still have I think maybe like three or four more. Last week, I was just going crazy. I was like, I got another idea. I got another idea. Let me do some more. And I did not slow down enough to get it edited and posted. So, I just want to give you a quick update from my patio. You see, I got um these real butterflies stay put. I just tell them, you know, where to go. I got some over here. Stay. and uh they stay as decor. So no, I ain't doing it too big.

[00:00:33]Y'all go watch the video.

[00:00:35]>> But on the other hand, there was something so valuable about what happens when one becomes a mother. For me, it was the most liberating thing that ever happened to me, having children.

[00:00:45]>> Liberating.

[00:00:46]>> Most most of the cliches say, well, you're you're immediately imprisoned by the love that you want to give, but you are hostage to that love and to those small children and to their lives. You you now define yourself like whites and blacks used to do with each other by children. They are you're limiting yourself. Did you say liberating?

[00:01:05]>> Liberating because of the demands that the children make are not the demands of a normal other. The children's demands on me were things that nobody else ever asked me to do.

[00:01:16]>> Such as >> uh be a good manager, have a sense of humor, deliver something that somebody could use.

[00:01:24]>> What do you think of her? for her to say having children was liberating.

[00:01:30]>> You like you don't hear that.

[00:01:32]>> Absolutely not. And it's just like but the more that she goes on and explains it, it makes sense. Like >> we put on our performative selves for work and for the outside and for just I mean especially in a sales role, you're so performative.

[00:01:52]>> You have to be performative. So then when I come home and it's just liberty like we're just goofing off in the house.

[00:02:02]>> We're having a good time. We're Kiki and >> they have the little ones have no idea that you done went through what you went through. It's almost I guess it is liberating for them to not know.

[00:02:11]>> Yeah.

[00:02:12]Well, it's liberating. Like, it's liberating for them to not know, but then that it then in turns get you liberated because it's like they don't they don't care what I did with Tom and Harry. They don't care that I had an argument in the office or whatever, >> man.

[00:02:27]>> And they don't even care you're behind on the bill. They're like, "Hey, mom."

[00:02:30]>> Yep. And they were not interested in all the things that other people were interested in like what I was wearing or you know if I was sensual or if I was you know all of that went by you've seen those eyes of those children they don't want to hear it they want to know what are you going to do now today and somehow all of the baggage that I had accumulated as a person about what was valuable so much of that just fell away and I could not only be me, whatever that was, somebody actually needed me to be that. It's different from being a daughter, you know, you figure out how to do that or it's different from being a sister. Those children, if you listen to them and look at them, they make demands that you can live up to, not you can't, cuz they don't need all that overwhelming love either. I mean, that's just you being vain about it. If you listen to them, somehow you are able to free yourself from >> My favorite thing is always to say like Quinn, his favorite thing would be like, "You're a good mom, but you're really bad at making chicken nuggets. You're a good mom, but you're really bad at making pizza." Like his downfalls were so like minuscule compared to like me being a mama. And that's when I started to realize, oh, >> you don't care about having Yeah. You don't care about getting new hair Jordans or new clothes or stuff. You just care about us being together.

[00:04:01]>> She had she said something that really kind of triggered something. She had said something about being funny. I like I can't verbat run it back.

[00:04:10]>> Run it back.

[00:04:11]>> Baggage and vanity and all sorts of things and deliver a better self. One that you like. The person that was in me that I liked best was the one my children seemed to want.

[00:04:27]That one. The one when they walked in the room, do you frown at the children and say, "Pull your socks up." Or is their presence, you know, also you begin to see the world through their eyes again, which are your eyes. I found it extraordinary. It is true that it is physically confined. He can't go anywhere. You have to be there. You raised them by yourself, didn't you?

[00:04:48]>> Yes.

[00:04:49]>> Would you have liked to have had the help of a companion?

[00:04:53]>> Yes. If it just been somebody else to think that through for you, it would have been nice. The more the marrier, >> I needed a lot of help.

[00:05:00]>> As I listened to you talk about the liberation of motherhood and love.

[00:05:04]>> Like that's I I honestly reflecting on me as a person.

[00:05:09]>> Yeah.

[00:05:11]>> I don't think I was as funny. I think I'm hilarious now. And I don't care who disagrees with me, but I don't think I was as funny before my son.

[00:05:22]>> Yeah.

[00:05:23]>> He's brought out a different side, like a comedic side >> that is just like who cares what people think cuz I got you and you got me. So like who cares what anybody like who cares what the outside world thinks.

[00:05:37]>> Yeah.

[00:05:38]>> We make each other laugh. He He cracks me up and whether he will admit it or not, I crack him up. And so he like >> and he hates when like his friends laugh at my TikTok or anything like that.

[00:05:55]>> They're like, "You got a cool mom.

[00:05:56]>> You got a cool mom. I'm not a regular mom. I'm a cool mom." But like I literally was reflecting on what she just said. Like he brought out a a funny side to me. He brought out a better side of me.

[00:06:09]>> It's such a different side. You don't have to impress. You just have to be present.

[00:06:12]>> You just have to be present. That's all they want you to be is present.

[00:06:16]>> And honestly, being able to be present and in in his life has been extraordinary, but I don't think he's realized what he's done for me in being in my life.

[00:06:30]>> Oh, he's like, I'm funny now. Like he >> You said I'm cool now.

[00:06:37]>> I'm cool now. Like I'm a cool mom. I don't know that I was as cool. like he brought out a different side and it's just like her saying stuff like that like liberating like being a mom is liberating. You don't think about it like that because sometimes it can be confining.

[00:06:52]>> Yeah.

[00:06:52]>> And just hard overall.

[00:06:53]>> And it can be hard schedules like that boy is all over the place. He is in track.

[00:06:59]>> He is hard.

[00:07:00]>> He has homework. He's got school work.

[00:07:02]He's got all of this. So it is very difficult in that sense. But like when we get home and it's just us and like even when he te so he texts me actually just today he got a 91% on his religion test and and and to know that I was the first person he texts. I know that I was the first person he text.

[00:07:26]>> That makes you feel like >> that makes like I'm doing the right thing. Like he's not you know it's not mom. It is mom but it's also my friend.

[00:07:34]>> Yeah. and I want to be a friend and I want to be the first person he thinks about. So, God, she made she she going to make me cry.

[00:07:42]>> Super present.

[00:07:43]>> Super present. Super blessing.

[00:07:46]>> What a blessing. And honestly, everyone's just like, "Oh, would you rather have a two parent household?"

[00:07:50]>> No, because us as a two parent household, we would have been arguing.

[00:07:54]>> Yeah.

[00:07:54]>> Our focus would not have been busy.

[00:07:57]>> Yeah.

[00:07:57]>> So, being separated, we are great friends. We communicate like I I think I just called him today. Was it today?

[00:08:08]Yeah, it was today. I was complaining about my son. We over here talking about Mother's Day about how he just be making plans without talking to us.

[00:08:16]>> He like, "What's up? Uh, make sure you pick us up." And I was just like, "We had So, we had certain plans before I dropped you off at school. Now you go to school and you have different plans."

[00:08:25]I'm like, "How does that work?" So then I got to call his dad and be like, "Can you pick him up from the plaza?"

[00:08:31]>> Yeah. if you in Kansas City, you know, >> and you don't even >> And he's just like, I've got I've got a shipment and I won't be off until like 8:30.

[00:08:39]>> He's like, I'm at the job.

[00:08:40]>> So, he's like, oh, you know, we can set up the Uber. Like, he was he's very like So, his his result was, let's set up the Uber team >> and we can still get him home. We can't be present. I was here with you. He was working. He's like, I can't be. He's like, but I'll pay for like he is an amazing father. Like I will never ever ever take away from him as a dad and as a friend.

[00:09:05]>> Yeah, >> he really is a friend. Like when I go through stuff like when I went through my divorce, >> he would check on me like he's not intrusive but he would check on me and he's, you know, recently gone through a breakup and I'm, you know, checking on him. Like I'm not trying to be intrusive, but >> cuz sometimes co-parents can be friends and support sisters for each other.

[00:09:25]>> Yeah. But we also need not bad. I need to check his mental health because your mental health needs to be in par or aligned if you will because like we're parenting our son together. You have him at the regular weekend.

[00:09:41]>> You seeing him during the lake talking to him during the week. So like >> at the end of the day it's like a teamwork effort.

[00:09:46]>> It is. It is. And >> I would want to have that if I had a child and I wasn't like with the father.

[00:09:50]I would want to have that.

[00:09:51]>> Yeah. And I don't ever want my son to be like, "Oh, well my dad said that's okay because I already spoke to your dad." I know. Like I want to be able to talk to him, you know, like, "Oh, well my dad, you know, like and he goes to his dad be like, "Oh, I got in trouble at school." Yeah, I know. Your mom told me. We already done talked about it.

[00:10:11]>> We're already on the same page.

[00:10:12]>> We're already on the same page.

[00:10:14]>> Yeah.

[00:10:14]>> You grounded like >> Special shout out to my home girl for coming by and getting on camera with me.

[00:10:21]It's so fun whenever she does. And thank you to every single person who has wished me a happy Mother's Day, who has sent me a nice comment, a nice message.

[00:10:29]I got an overwhelming amount of love on social media through messages and comments. And I am so so so thankful that uh you guys know me. You get me, you know my story and you support it.

[00:10:40]You support me and you enjoy the content that we create together. So, thank you guys so much. I hope every lady out there had a wonderful Mother's Day.

[00:10:47]Whatever form of mom you are, I just hope you had a great weekend. I know I had a time. I had a great time with my sisters and my parents and all of their children. And we cooked a lot. Yes, we cooked a lot. So, I hope you guys enjoyed it, too. And we're going to have a peaceful, blessed work week. This week, nothing is going to get us down.

[00:11:06]We're going to speak positively to ourselves, and we're going to make sure to hydrate cuz summer's around the corner. We got to get into these dresses and these little bikinis and Okay.

[00:11:14]Okay. I love you guys so much. I have it the just case rand and I'll see you guys in the next video.