School Fights Must Be Studied

Added: 2026-05-12

[00:00:00]Oh [ __ ] What is that?

[00:00:02]>> Imagine for a second that I told you there was a ritual that took place in schools >> in which two young gentlemen or gentle women partake in an exchange of them hands >> for any particular amount of time.

[00:00:24]fight.

[00:00:25]>> Sources around the globe tell me that these little demons come to school with the intention of laying the smackdown.

[00:00:31]Genuinely, school fights might be one of the most bizarre things to have to witness. I don't think it was ever in the description of school that we're going to be forced to watch literal gladiator matches at 2:00 p.m. You see, there's two different types of school fights you can accidentally get wrapped into. The morning fight and the afternoon fight. And these are two very different clashes. See, a morning fight is particularly egregious because you just woke up. Like, you got to think about how vile that is. Just like 30 minutes ago, you brushed your teeth and now you're getting your face brushed against the pavement.

[00:01:01]>> Man, >> what did he do to make them [ __ ] that bad?

[00:01:04]>> I don't know what it is that makes dudes think that like it's an appropriate time to engage in combat right after I was just in my PJs literally 40 minutes ago.

[00:01:12]But whatever it is, they get riled up real early.

[00:01:16]School fights always have like the most interesting lore, too, bro. Like, these dudes will be out here giving UFC press conferences for the story around the fight. Oh, >> you got your ass whipped today, buddy.

[00:01:26]>> No, I didn't. So, >> we've been all following the story like it's going to lead us to the main event of Wrestlemania. And I'm not going to lie, the news of this fight spreads like wildfire. You've been following all the events from Snapchat, Instagram posts, everybody. Everyone knows the location, who's fighting, what's going down, and exactly what time to bounce.

[00:01:45]Let's get out of here.

[00:01:49]>> And for whatever reason, bro recording the fight literally never helps. Like, I don't know why, but bro feels like this one video is going to get him on the front page of like J. Jonah Jameson's newspaper, The Daily Bugle. Bro, you could literally see somebody get their head completely knocked off with an uppercut, like a brutality in Mortal Kombat. And the dude recording the video literally won't even move an inch. This fight could launch into space on some Dragon Ball Z [ __ ] And you'll see bro on a rocket. And by the way, I am not gassing, bro. Okay? When it comes to his skills of recording the fight itself, absolute dumpster fire, bro. Bro will never record one single actual thing from the fight. He'll pull his phone out and start aiming that [ __ ] at the sun.

[00:02:27]You'll ask bro for the video. He'll be like, "Bro, can you slide me the video?"

[00:02:31]And he sends it to you and that [ __ ] is a front-facing video of his reaction of the fight, bro. Like, G, thanks.

[00:02:36]Holographic meatloaf. I'll make sure to listen to the audio of the fight.

[00:02:41]And see, one thing that I've learned about school fights, no matter who the victor is, both sides will think they won. You'll check their social media after. And even a person who got knocked out, laid out, put on their back, we'll say some [ __ ] like, "You should have seen the other guy. We did when he was beating you up."

[00:02:59]See, earlier I was talking about the lore of fights and how every fight has their own backstory and [ __ ] right? But what I've learned in my time is that guy backstories with their fights, that shit's simple and easy. Oh, one dude stepped on another dude's shoe. He said something about the other dude. One guy lost in basketball. It's very simple, right? But girl fights, girl fights are just way longer in the lore process, in the world building the guy fights are.

[00:03:21]You see how in Captain America: Civil War, Iron Man finds out Bucky capped his parents and they box for like 10 minutes and it's over. Girl fights are seasons long, bro. You got five different seasons. And see, one of the major differences between female fights and male fights is the lack of absolute grit in male fights that female fights just tend to have. The craziest [ __ ] that I've ever seen in any fight has always come from a girl fight. Bro, as a guy who's been in a couple fights in my life, you know what I'm saying? Uh, been around the block a couple times. Most of the fights that I was in in school, like it took more than a couple guys to admit the level of force that the average girl is just throwing in a punch in a fight at lunch. See, it's cuz deep down we all know every guy fight is just like that time that Spongebob and Patrick fought.

[00:04:04]We didn't actually want to fight, bro.

[00:04:06]You know, most times it's like we just got put in a position to where a lot of times people who fight are like homeboys. They were friends in class.

[00:04:13]Neither party actually wants to hurt each other. I'm going to be real with you, bro. Most guy fights happen definitely just cuz of pride. Most times dudes actually don't want to fight, but they know damn well everybody's gassing it up. Tell me if you've been here before. You didn't want to fight somebody. Somebody didn't want to fight you, but then a gigantic crowd forms around you chanting fight. They want to see a gladiator match unfold before their eyes before they have to go into fifth period gym. See, I've been here way too many times in my life. All right? Multiple times. I had a friend named Kevin. Bro, we were on the bus.

[00:04:41]All right. We were we were homies. We were best buds. Okay. I would actually consider bro like my best friend. Okay.

[00:04:46]We had known each other since like at least the fifth or fourth grade. He used to come over to my house and play Marvel Superhero Squad. All right. I thought bro was my best friend. And then something horrible happened, right?

[00:04:55]Somebody on my bus thought it would be an amazing idea to smack Kevin's neck with the force of a thousand elephants and then pointed me and say I did it.

[00:05:03]Now Kevin knew I didn't do it. I knew I didn't do it. God knew I didn't do it.

[00:05:07]But when they proceeded to call Kevin a [ __ ] we both knew what had to happen.

[00:05:11]We got off the bus and we walked in front of my house. Big crowd formed around us, right? Chanting for us to fight. Neither of us really wanted to fight, bro. We were homies. You know what I'm saying? How do you go to somebody's house, play Marvel Superhero Squad in its prime, and not be best friends, right? But it was that peer pressure, right? It was peer pressure.

[00:05:27]They wanted us to fight. They wanted a gladiator match in the middle of the street. The events leading up to this fight and when we were there felt like some Anakin and Obi-Wan [ __ ] All right.

[00:05:35]It was almost destiny that the fight happened in front of my house. The same place that he used to come over and play Superhero Squad in its prime. And what we delivered had to be the biggest Weenie Hut Jr. fight you've ever seen in your entire life. All right. Both of us were skinny as hell. Probably like 80 lb soaking wet. We had sausage sticks that we called arms, paws. Uh, I got to start thinking of better descriptions for the things I say. But yeah, while we we punched each other, but it didn't feel like anything. It felt like flies landing on each other. Okay, those punches didn't feel like [ __ ] It almost felt like that time that Flax was beating up Spongebob. My point in telling you this story is that a lot of guy fights play out that way, right?

[00:06:12]Guys don't actually want to hurt each other, but girl fights, I don't know what it is, their arch nemesis. All right, just like that dynamic hatred between each other. It's like uh it's like Daredevil and Wilson Fist. All right. It's like it's like your mom and taking a shower, right? You know what I'm saying? Just just they don't get along in any sense of the way. The greatest fight I ever witnessed was a 1v3. All right. It was one girl versus three different girls, right? Now, the first girl um who we'll call Sage for this story was uh she looked like She-Hulk, right? She was like 6' muscular for no reason. And the three girls she was fighting, I guess, were talking [ __ ] about her and her boyfriend, saying that she, uh, she could lift her boyfriend and she could like bench her boyfriend and [ __ ] like that, right? So, um, they meet up to fight. All four of these girls are getting their hairs put into buns, you know? They're talking [ __ ] They're yelling at each other, talking [ __ ] to each other, getting their hair put into bun. And what commence was the craziest anime fight I had ever seen in my entire life. So, the squad stares like, you know, stairs that lead to the next story of the school and [ __ ] like that, right?

[00:07:07]I kid you not. You can imagine where I'm going with this. She grabs one of the girls by their hair and like I guess throws her over sort of the railing.

[00:07:15]Now, they weren't that far up. She didn't like Mortal Kombat fall to her death and [ __ ] like that, but like the the immensive strength that she showed with that one and what she did to these other two girls, bro, I can't even mention here on YouTube, but I'll give you a visualizer so you can kind of imagine how things went for them.

[00:07:36]See, this is why I say school fights must be studied because there's absolutely no way that those three girls did any possible justifiable thing to make that girl that mad that she laid the smackdown on all three of them. She was out here moving like prime Brock Lesnar. And I have no idea why. Like I mentioned in my last video, there must be some kind of entity like Cthulhu under the school creating this angry energy, this negative energy like Martin Lee, Mr. Negative [ __ ] Remember when he would infect the people in Spider-Man?

[00:08:04]That has to be what's going on here because I have no idea how these type of brutal fights break out consistently.

[00:08:11]See, if DC comics existed in the actual real world, okay, Bane wouldn't come from a prison. All right? He would have been born from the gates of a school, bro. Not born in the darkness. Born in algebra 3. The type of luchador fights we had in school must be studied. Also, apology for how long this video took to come out. Okay, I know. I know what everybody's waiting for. I just wanted to get uh the last video and this video out before that, okay? Because uh I I really uh I really enjoy making these last two videos, but I got y'all. Don't even worry, bro. Don't even worry. Don't even worry, okay? Put your put your faith in me. Apologies for the lack of uploads. Last week it was Mother's Day week, okay? Had [ __ ] going on. You know, you know you know Poppy Cheet, you know what I'm saying? I be I be blowing that bag everywhere. So, uh I was a little busy. But this week, we're going back to consistent upload schedule. My apologies. My genuine apologies for the lack of uploads last week, but we're we're back into it. Okay, I got my thumb all the way up there. Don't even worry.

[00:09:03]On that note, though, I will catch y'all in the next one. Stay frosty, my good brothers.