1 Man vs. 43 Women: Have Chinese Men Officially Quit the "Marriage Game"? | Chinese Emotion

Added: 2026-05-15

[00:00:02]China's marriage market is on the verge of becoming a kingdom of women. The maleto-female ratio at matchmaking corners in Chingdu is 143. In Hongjo, it's 140 and in Nonchong it's 136. The situation in Chingdu has become so desperate that the people's park has posted a public notice. Female slots are full, registration temporarily suspended. Awkward, but when you hear the truth behind it, it's even more hairraising. According to the seventh national population census data, there are 34 million more men than women in China. Among those of marriageable age 20 to 40, there are 17.52 million more men than women. With so many more men, why are matchmaking corners filled with women? The answer is brutal. Men are no longer showing up. Part one, the responsibilization of men. Men today are starting to shed their traditional responsibilities. What does this mean?

[00:00:56]No buying a house, no getting married, no supporting a family. They are starting to please themselves. Let's look at the data. In 2025, the men's skincare market in China reached 25 billion renmanbi, about 3.45 billion US with an 18% growth rate. The gaming market is at 350 billion renmanb, about 48.3 billion, and still growing. Men are getting cosmetic procedures with consumers spending up 27% yearonear.

[00:01:26]Even something as seemingly insignificant as fishing gear generated 9.6 billion renmanb about 1.32 billion US in 2024 and it's projected to reach 25.4 billion renmanb about 3.5 billion in 3 years. You talk about economic downturn and consumer downgrading. I'm sorry but male consumption is rising against the cycle. Why spend money on women when spending it on themselves feels so much better? Phoenix News previously reported a story about a middle-aged man who after getting his 188,000 renb, about $25,900 bride price back, didn't even look back and just took the money to travel around China. This is the choice more and more men are making now. Since marriage has become the least costeffective investment, they're simply opting out of the game. Part two, the crushing cost of marriage. A blind date meal doesn't cost much, but after the date comes marriage, right? And marriage costs money, right?

[00:02:26]Well, in China, that money almost exclusively comes from the man. Let me list some data for you to get a sense of it. In 2023, the average cost for a young person to get married was 330,400 renb, about $45,600.

[00:02:43]The national per capita disposable income is only $39,200 renb about $5,400.

[00:02:51]What does that mean? It takes a full 8 years of net income to get married once.

[00:02:55]And that's just in the city. If you're in the countryside, it's 16 times that amount, 16 years of not eating or drinking. In the 1970s, a wedding cost 700 renv, about $97.

[00:03:09]And now, a down payment on a house. The bride price, decorations, the wedding ceremony. It starts at $600,000 renmanbi about $82,800 with no upper limit. In 30 years, the cost of marriage has increased by thousands of times while your salary has only increased by 100 times. You call that winning the race? That's more like running until your legs break and still not catching up. But that's not all. In 2024, there were 3.513 million divorce registrations and 6.106 million marriage registrations. For every 100 couples who got married, 57 got divorced, a divorce rate of nearly 60%. And if we calculate further, the cost of raising a child from 0 to 17 years old averages $538,000 renb about 74,200 and it costs $680,000 renmanb about $93,800 to raise them through college graduation. In the global ranking of child rearing costs, China is second only behind that king of competition, South Korea. So, do you get it now? Men haven't disappeared. They've just figured it out. Getting married means emptying your savings and accumulating debt, followed by a nearly 60% chance of divorce. And then you have to bear the burden of raising a child yourself.

[00:04:33]Anyone can do this math. More and more men are choosing to cut their losses in time by refusing to enter the game from the very beginning. This is the real reason why there are so many women and so few men at matchmaking corners. It's not that men are incapable. It's that men are no longer willing.

[00:04:50]If you don't get married and don't have children, is your life really considered complete? I think if you haven't earned 1 million renmanb about 140,000, you are not complete either. If not getting married, and not having kids makes you incomplete, then what kind of life is considered complete? Dating, getting married, having kids, and then for the rest of your life, you don't know what your ideals are. You don't know what your dreams are. You don't know where your heart truly lies. You don't know your hobbies. And you've never truly committed to a single thing.

[00:05:17]Is your life complete then? So what does complete even mean? We can't even define complete. So what right do we have to judge and say that if you don't do this your life is incomplete? There's a movie shot in Shanghai directed by Su Jang called B for Busy myth of love. That movie is incredibly good. You know in B for busy there are a few women right?

[00:05:38]One represents your viewpoint. If you haven't dated, gotten married or had kids you are not complete. Another one says, "If you haven't dated 100 boyfriends, you are not complete. If you haven't earned 1 million renb, about $140,000, you are not complete. If you haven't earned 100 million renb, about $14 million, you are not complete. All these phrases are just PUA, gaslighting/manipulation.

[00:06:05]No one can tell you that your life is incomplete and no one can define how you should live your life to make it complete. You have free will. So I think first of all dating, getting married and having kids are about the pursuit of happiness. That is if you meet someone and you feel this person can make your life better and bring you into a more stable state, then I think marriage is naturally a good thing. But if it's true that neither of you can find this feeling, you don't trust each other or you even suspect each other and you don't even feel that they can share the pressures of life with you. If your marriage doesn't add value to your life, but instead subtracts from it, then what's wrong with choosing to live alone for a certain period of time? Only a person who can live their own life well has the ability to live a good married life. If a person can't even live well alone, how can they navigate a life for two? I think there's a quote that says it perfectly. It's something Chuning said on the show. I can IB. He asked, "When do we deserve to have love? It's when we no longer desperately crave love, no longer expect love, when we can live a rich and flavorful life all by ourselves. That is when we deserve love.

[00:07:05]Because love is not the salvation of one person by another. It's not me waiting for you to save me. Expecting you to rescue me from my past traumas, the betrayals I've suffered, or my tragic family of origin waiting for you to come love me and save me. That kind of love will definitely not have a good ending.

[00:07:22]Love is a mutual rush toward each other between two strong individuals. Two people with mature minds, independent personalities, and good economic foundations are the basis of a two-way rush in love. Talking up to this point we will come back to that cliche saying there is no age at which you should get married only a relationship you should marry into and a person you should marry. So if a marriage cannot bring you a sense of security a sense of belonging and a sense of stability then that marriage definitely has a problem. The greatest value of marriage to a person is that it gives you a sense of belonging safety and stability. That is when I think marriage has the most value.

[00:07:58]Ditch the father, keep the child is currently the most prevalent toxic positivity advice among modern women.

[00:08:05]Recently, I've noticed this phrase has become incredibly viral. Many influencers are talking about it, and even the comments underneath are full of applause. It's as if everyone has suddenly been enlightened, believing that as long as you kick away the burden that is a man and only keep the child, life will instantly become clear. Not only will mother-in-law conflicts disappear, but the annoyance of widowed style parenting will also vanish, leaving only the peaceful years of a loving mother and a filial child.

[00:08:34]However, while this sounds incredibly satisfying at first, a closer look reveals it is full of loopholes. This kind of rhetoric essentially packages the privileges of a tiny minority elite class into a life guide for ordinary people, which is a classic case of let them eat cake. Today, let's not talk about emotions or morality. Let's purely discuss this from the most utilitarian perspective of economics and the underlying logic of how society operates to explain why ditching the father and keeping the child is a massive trap for the vast majority of ordinary people.

[00:09:07]First, we need to understand how the institution of marriage came to be. Many people think marriage is for love. But in the long history of mankind, the concept of love appeared very late and was considered a luxury. The birth of the marriage system was essentially an economic contract established for survival. In agricultural societies with low productivity, a single person simply couldn't survive. Men had the strength to do farm work while women were responsible for weaving and reproduction. People partnered up to live together in order to fight against a cruel natural environment. In modern society, although you can earn money to buy bread on your own, the risk resistance function of marriage hasn't disappeared. Instead, against the backdrop of high inflation and skyrocketing housing prices, it has become even more important. You can think of a family as a miniature company and the husband and wife are business partners. If this company has only one shareholder, it means all the risks, unemployment, illness, accidents must be born by you alone. But with two shareholders, even if one temporarily drops the ball, the other can step up to hold the fort. This is what we call redundancy design. The concept of ditching the father and keeping the child currently hyped on the internet often uses examples like Yeihiang.

[00:10:23]People like her are genuinely wealthy.

[00:10:25]Buying sperm to have kids, nannies, drivers, and maternity matrons are all readily available. To her, the economic value a man provides can be ignored. And if emotional value requires depleting herself to obtain, then he is indeed a negative asset. But the problem is how many y-hangs are there in this world?

[00:10:44]For the vast majority of us ordinary people, the margin for error in life is extremely low. You might have a monthly salary of 10,000 renmenbi, about 1,400 and feel that life is okay. But after deducting the mortgage and car loan, the remaining money is barely enough to raise two children. At this moment, you tell me that you want to kick out the partner who, although he might not earn much, at least brings home a few thousand bucks a month and helps drop off and pick up the kids and go solo. In business logic, this is called active deleveraging. And doing it when cash flow is at its tightest is basically suicidal management. Many people who advocate this concept deliberately avoid a core issue. Raising offspring is the most capital intensive project in all human economic activities with the longest cycle, the highest investment, and the most uncertain return. Just think about how much energy and money it takes to raise a child. From pregnancy to college graduation, it's at least 22 years. During this period, you cannot afford to get seriously ill. You cannot be unemployed for long periods, and you must maintain emotional stability at all times. If you are a single mother, it means you must simultaneously play the roles of a money-making machine and a babysitter. At this point, time becomes your most scarce resource. If you go out to earn money, you have no time to look after the child. If you look after the child, you have no time to earn money.

[00:12:08]This is when capital steps in to tell you it's fine as long as you have money.

[00:12:12]You can buy services, buy child care, buy domestic help. Do you see it now?

[00:12:17]Behind ditching the father and keeping the child is actually a massive conspiracy of consumerism. Capital loves atomized individuals the most. In a complete family, many needs are digested internally. For example, grandparents help watch the kids and people cook for each other. But once a family breaks apart, all needs must be pushed onto the market. If you are too busy, you hire a nanny. If no one is teaching the kids, you enroll them in tutoring classes. If you're in a bad mood, you go shopping.

[00:12:47]Single parent families often contribute more to the GDP than complete families because their efficiency is lower, so they need to purchase more external services to maintain operations.

[00:12:57]Furthermore, there is a very cruel truth, which is class solidification.

[00:13:01]Everyone is currently engaging in intense competition in education. But what are they competing for? It's not just money, but also the information gap and worldly horizons. The role of the father, aside from providing sperm and money, often represents a certain externality in a sociological sense. Men and women usually have different ways of thinking, social circles, and methods of solving problems. This difference is an excellent compliment to a child's growth. I have seen many children raised in single parent families. Of course, there are very outstanding ones, but looking at big data, children missing a father figure often face greater challenges in the completeness of their character and their ability to handle stress. Especially in the growth process of boys, fathers often take on the role of introducing rules and teaching them how to fight like a man. This is not sexism. This is a historical legacy of social division of labor. If you cut out this role, you have to make up for it yourself. But playing both mom and dad likely means you won't do either well, ultimately exhausting yourself into illness, while the child might grow up misguided due to a lack of discipline or excessive spoiling. Of course, someone will definitely argue, what if the man is trash, involved in prostitution, gambling, and drugs? Why keep him then?

[00:14:18]This is absolutely true. If the business partner not only refuses to work but also steals company money every day, you definitely have to break up the partnership. This is called cutting your losses in time. But the current trend in public opinion is that as long as the man isn't perfect, is a little lazy or doesn't earn as much as you do, he is defined as trash, and must be ditched to just keep the child. This is a complete bait and switch in logic. Most Chinese men are indeed not very romantic, not very good at housework, and even a bit greasy and dull. But as long as he hands over money to the family on time, has no bad habits and can hold the line during critical moments, he is the indispensable infrastructure of this family. Infrastructure is something you don't feel the existence of normally, and you might even find it an eyesore.

[00:15:05]But once the water and power get cut off, you realize you simply cannot survive. Many women today are brainwashed by toxic internet advice, thinking they are the main character and don't need to depend on anyone. But the word independence has a threshold. True independence means you have enough ability to mobilize resources rather than cutting off all resources. A true strong person is good at utilizing rules and uniting all forces that can be united, including your partner, to serve your own goals instead of flipping the table at the slightest disagreement and playing isolationism. The reason I say this bowl of chicken soup is the most toxic is that it provides a seemingly chic but actually perilous solution to your anxiety and grievances. It simplifies complex social issues into gender antagonism. It makes you feel that all the dissatisfactions in life are caused by that man lying on the sofa swiping his phone and that just throwing him away will make the world peaceful.

[00:15:59]But the real world is that the man might also be a victim. He is also being exploited by his boss and stressing over the mortgage. You two were originally comrades in the same trench. But now, because of a few provocative words of toxic advice, you are pointing guns at each other. When you kick your comrade out of the trench into heavy artillery fire, you will find that none of those big influencers who taught you to ditch the father and keep the child will jump down to take a bullet for you. They are just busy harvesting your web traffic and selling you lipsticks and courses under the guise of independent women.

[00:16:31]There is another even more interesting perspective. Let's look at who in ancient times was actually qualified to ditch the father and keep the child. It was the matriarchs of matrineal clan societies or the empress daers in the feudal royal courts. They held absolute power and the means of production in their hands. To them, men were indeed just tools. But today, ordinary workingclass women have neither the means of production nor absolute power.

[00:16:57]Yet, you want to imitate the game played by the powerful. This is not only a cognitive mismatch but also extremely irresponsible toward your own life. So don't easily believe that highquality singlehood is better than lowquality marriage. This makes sense logically but it's a scam in terms of probability. For the lower and middle classes, partnering up to live together and using the institution of marriage to hedge against inflation and risks remains the optimal solution. Two ordinary people huddling together for warmth, even if the posture isn't elegant, and even if they occasionally resent each other, is far better than shivering alone in the freezing wind. The vast majority of us are just ordinary people running around our whole lives just to secure food and clothing. Don't be blinded by the glamorous survivorship bias on the internet. You live your life for yourself, not for netisonens. Those who advise you to ditch the father and keep the child won't be responsible for your child's tuition, won't be responsible for your medical bills when you are sick, and certainly won't be responsible for your loneliness when you >> Why are there so many girls who still don't understand what their so-called sense of security really is? After the Mayday holiday, a girl came to me crying, saying that she had just met her boyfriend's parents and then got dumped.

[00:18:12]She couldn't understand why something as simple as wanting a sense of security was so difficult for a man to provide.

[00:18:17]Well, you can listen and see where the problem really lies. This girl works in a state-owned enterprise with a monthly salary of 8,000 renb, about $1,120.

[00:18:28]She has an older brother, and when he got married, her parents bought him a house and a car and paid for the wedding, spending almost all of their life savings. So, for the girl, the most they could provide as a dowy was a car.

[00:18:39]As for the guy, he is an only child, works in a bank, and has an annual salary of about 150,000 renmanbi, about $21,000.

[00:18:49]On top of that, he has other investments in things like funds and stocks, bringing his total annual income to around 300,000 renb, about $42,000.

[00:18:59]They met in June of last year, and the guy was actually very generous towards the girl. He never missed a single romantic gesture during holidays, and there was no shortage of gifts and red envelopes. When they went on dates, he basically never let her pay. So, after dating for less than a year, the girl thought that since the Mayday holiday was approaching, their parents should meet to finalize the marriage.

[00:19:20]Originally, both sets of parents had already met their future son-in-law and daughter-in-law, and were quite satisfied with both of them. They had already discussed the budget for the wedding banquet and the three golds, gold jewelry. This meeting was meant to be a formality to officially settle the matter. Everything was going smoothly, but during the dinner, the girl suddenly made a demand. She required the guy to hand over all his income, whether it was his salary or investment earnings, every single penny he earned to her for safekeeping. Her logic was simple. Men go bad when they have money. As long as you have no money, you will definitely behave. At first, upon hearing this request, the guy was still trying to communicate with her seriously. He said, "Our combined monthly income is over 20,000 renb. I can give you 10,000 and whether you spend it personally or save it, I won't interfere, but I need to keep 10,000 for investment." But her mind seemed to get stuck. No matter what solution the guy proposed, she wouldn't listen. She just stubbornly insisted that he must hand over all his money or else they wouldn't get married because she felt that if he didn't hand over his salary, he was guarding against her. and keeping a private stash of money meant he was leaving a back door open for himself to do bad things. In the end, what was supposed to be a happy engagement dinner ended with both families leaving on bad terms. The young couple's discussion turned into an argument which then turned into a cold war. After the Mayday holiday ended, the guy broke up with her. The girl was completely stunned and ran to me saying, "Sister Schwe, it was just one marriage requirement and he wouldn't even agree to it." So I asked the girl, "If the guy gives you the money, how do you plan to manage it financially? Do you have any better investment channels?" She replied, "What's there to reason about?

[00:21:02]As a woman, of course, I need to hold the money in my hands to feel secure." I said, "You don't even know how to use it. So what do you need the money for?

[00:21:10]If the guy takes that money and uses it for a side business, he might be able to double it before it comes back to him.

[00:21:15]Wouldn't that doubled income significantly improve your standard of living? But if he gives it to you, if you also had the ability to double or triple his salary, I believe he would be more than willing to give it to you. But the problem is you don't. You just want a sense of security. But is your sense of security worth cutting the family's income in half to guarantee? The girl said, "But in my marriage, I definitely want to see his attitude. Is that so hard for a man? So this girl still doesn't get it. If you had discussed it with him in private, asked for assurance in private, and asked him to show his commitment in private, that would be considered flirting between a young couple, and you could bring it up however you want. But you didn't bring it up early or late, but chose to bring it up when both sets of parents were present. Isn't that just trying to take advantage of the crowd, knowing the guy would be too embarrassed to refuse and lose face for your parents in order to coers him into agreeing to your demand?

[00:22:06]You two have already reached the point of marriage. Yet, you still have no trust and no sense of security in him, and you're trying to control him by controlling his money. How do you expect him and his parents to think of you?

[00:22:17]Besides, what is this so-called security of yours? You've been dating for almost a year, and his character doesn't make you feel secure. His kindness towards you still doesn't make you feel secure.

[00:22:27]His parents kindness towards you doesn't make you feel secure either. Your own ability to judge character also doesn't make you feel secure. Does only handing over his salary make you feel secure?

[00:22:38]That just doesn't make sense. If he's a bad person, even if he reluctantly agrees to hand it over now, he could always go back on his word and stop giving it to you anytime he wants to do something bad in the future. Since handing over his salary can't solve the problem of your lack of security at all, what is it that you really want?

[00:22:54]Security or money? So girls must understand that our true sense of security always comes from whether the man's character is reliable and whether we have the ability to support ourselves. At the same time, you must also think clearly. Marriage is a joint effort between two people, not about one person controlling another, one threatening another, and certainly not one dominating another. When you start to coersse and control your partner, who would dare to walk into a marriage with you? [music] >> My mother scolded my father for 40 years. She called him useless, spineless, and a worthless piece of mud that couldn't be plastered on a wall.

[00:23:29]But on the third day, after my father completed his retirement procedures, he poured a cup of tea, sat down in front of my mother, and without losing his temper or sighing, just looked at her as if looking at a complete and utter stranger. Then he said four words, "Let's get a divorce." Those four words were like a rusty, blunt knife that vividly sliced off my mother's self-righteous pride of a lifetime, stripping it away, skin, flesh, and all.

[00:23:53]To this day, she still cannot believe that this man, the man she had trampled underfoot her entire life. The man who didn't dare talk back even when she pointed at his nose and cursed him, managed to endure until retirement, an age where one should have things figured out, only to be the first one to say he didn't want her anymore. My mother felt wronged and complained to everyone until I came back from working out of town. It wasn't until I spoke to her with red, tearfilled eyes that she felt a chill down her spine, freezing her from head to toe. In that moment, she finally understood what it meant to win every verbal argument for a lifetime, yet completely lose the person. When my parents got married, their families were poor. My mother married my father because he was honest and hardworking.

[00:24:34]But once they started living together, his honesty became his original sin. My father was not good with words and didn't know how to flatter his bosses.

[00:24:42]While other men quit their state jobs to go into business or drive transport trucks and got rich, my father guarded his machines everyday, earning a dead-end fixed salary. My mother had high expectations and couldn't stand seeing others dress up in fancy clothes while she had to calculate every penny to buy anything major. Thus, she unleashed all her resentment onto my father. Every morning, my father was the first to wake up to light the stove and cook breakfast. When my mother opened her eyes, she would either complain that the porridge was too watery or that the steamed buns were cold. She would say, "Being married to you is eight lifetimes of bad luck. You can't even cook a meal, right? Why are you so useless?" My father would silently take the buns to steam them again without saying a word.

[00:25:24]When I had a high fever as a child during a heavy midnight downpour, my mother was crying out of anxiety. My father didn't say a word. He wrapped me in a raincoat and getting completely drenched like a drowned rat, trudged through the puddles to carry me to the hospital. The next day, he still went to work at the factory, but my mother complained, "If you weren't so useless and could afford a car, why would the two of us have to suffer like this with you?" One winter, I wanted a new pair of shoes, but my mother couldn't bear to spend the money. My father stayed up half the night wearing his reading glasses, sewing a pair of shoes for me stitch by stitch. When my mother got up to use the bathroom in the middle of the night, she snatched the shoes and threw them directly on the floor, saying, "You make this garbage. How humiliating would it be for the child to wear this outside? You are nothing but a good for- nothing loser your whole life." For 40 years, she mistook my father's tolerance for weakness and took his silence for granted. My mother complacently thought that if it weren't for her sharp tongue, forcing and scolding him everyday, this family would have fallen apart long ago.

[00:26:26]She thought that once they made it to retirement, the good days would come.

[00:26:29]But after he retired, my father changed.

[00:26:32]He started spending long hours playing chess in the park and didn't want to come home. My mother hurled abuses at him as usual, saying, "Now that you're retired, all you know is how to play. Do you even still care about this family?"

[00:26:44]Instead of silently walking to the study like before, my father looked at her calmly and said, "You've scolded me for 40 years. I don't want to hear it anymore. Let's get a divorce. I want to live a few years for myself. My mother went crazy, throwing a massive tantrum, accusing him of having someone else outside and cursing him for being heartless. She called me to come back, hoping I would help her get justice. But as soon as I walked through the door and saw my father shrunk in the corner of the sofa, his hair white and his body deformed by age, my tears instantly fell. I turned to look at my mother without a trace of sympathy in my eyes and said, "Mom, I am not going to talk him out of this divorce. Dad has endured for over 40 years. He has already done everything humanly possible. My mother looked as if she had been struck by lightning. She said, "What did you say?

[00:27:33]I am your mother. I've worked so hard for this family." I said, "Mom, stop saying it's for this family." I interrupted her crying. Do you know what I feared the most growing up? I was most afraid of you coming home. The moment you opened the door, the air in the house turned into freezing ice shards.

[00:27:51]When you were calling dad useless, did you ever see his clenched fists? Did you ever see him secretly wiping his tears behind your back? He wasn't useless. His heart just achd for this family. He took all those knifelike words of yours and stabbed them into his own heart, one by one, enduring it for 40 years. My words were like a bucket of cold water, completely tearing my mother's illusions to shreds. She slumped onto the floor, her mind filled with scenes from the past 40 years. My father had poured hot water for her his entire life, never let her go hungry for a single meal, and never let outsiders bully her. Yet, the person who gave him the most humiliation and the most torment was my mother. That night, for the first time ever, my mother brought a basin of hot water to my father's bedside, wanting to wash his feet for him. Crying, she begged him, saying, "I was wrong. I really know I was wrong. I won't scold you anymore.

[00:28:43]Can we just live our lives well together?" My mother looked into his eyes, but there was neither resentment nor a single ripple of emotion in them.

[00:28:51]My father gently pulled his feet back and said, "It's too late. Once a heart goes cold, it can never be warmed up again. I gave you 40 years of chances."

[00:29:00]Now, my parents haven't officially finalized the divorce procedures, but they sleep in separate rooms. There are no more arguments in the house. It is as quiet as a grave. Everyday, my mother cooks my father's favorite dishes and softly calls him to eat. But my father treats her just like a platonic roommate. Polite but ice cold. My mother finally understands that the most terrifying thing in a marriage isn't the arguments, but a dead heart. Everyone, please stop using a sharp tongue, but a soft heart as an excuse. A knife like mouth comes from a knifeike heart. Every vicious word you say pushes the person you love most further away. Enduring it once is out of affection. Enduring it for 10 years is out of responsibility.

[00:29:40]But no one has the obligation to endure you for a lifetime. Don't wait until you've completely broken and drained their heart to realize that while you won every verbal battle in your life, you ruined the support of the rest of your life by your own doing. Tell me, in a marriage, can a sharp tongue really maintain a relationship in the long run.

[00:29:56]>> And before we continue, let us know in the comments where you're watching this video from. Connecting with viewers from all around the world is a huge inspiration for us. Thank you so much.

[00:30:11]I came across a comment written by a mother with over 200,000 likes. Every sentence was heart-wrenching, not only exposing the essence of marriage, but also making me as a father feel utterly ashamed. The original video was about a young man in his 20s who perhaps just casually filmed a video telling his girlfriend to listen to her mother and break up with him. Then there was a comment below from a user who said, "As a girl's mother, it's perfectly fine for you to be in your 20s with no house and no car. How much money can a young person have? But your parents didn't just find out today that you were going to get married. They knew it the day you were born. After more than 20 years, haven't they prepared for this day? If they haven't prepared, then how can I marry my daughter into such an irresponsible family? And if they have prepared but didn't give it to you, it means they don't love you. Then how can I expect them to love my daughter? You might only see that your girlfriend's parents are not letting you be together.

[00:31:03]And you might think they are only looking at your financial situation, but that's just a surface issue. Marriage is never just about two people. Pregnancy, postpartum confinement, raising children, dealing with sickness, education, and caring for the elderly.

[00:31:17]Not a single one of these things can be handled by two young people alone. As long as you can show the girl's parents that you have some good qualities and a good family atmosphere, they wouldn't break you up. Really, I am 38 this year and I also have a son. This mother's words made me think for a long time.

[00:31:32]First, from a man's perspective, if this young man was serious, then I can only say that you don't love your girlfriend enough. I don't know your family's financial situation, nor do I know what you've been through. I only know that you are in your 20s now. Isn't this the time to be bold and strive? this kind of emotional retreat at the first sign of trouble. In my opinion, you might just be doing it to make yourself feel tragic, completely lacking the responsibility of a man. Then I thought of my own son. I teach him to share when other kids snatch his toys. I teach him to tell the teacher when other kids bully him. But have I taught him responsibility? When he grows up and faces situations beyond his control or when his career isn't going well, will he also retreat like this? And finally, honestly, I thought of myself. I wonder will there be a time when my son faces the same predicament as this young man?

[00:32:20]If so, then what have I been doing for the past 10 odd years? It seems I've always been deceiving myself with sayings like the children will have their own fortunes. I thought that as long as I raised my son to be honest and not to steal, to have enough to eat and wear, and to live a safe and peaceful life without seeking great wealth, that would be enough. But now it seems this is actually a complete lack of planning.

[00:32:42]So where then is my responsibility?

[00:32:45]People say that their children's marriage is the last and most brutal class examination a Chinese man will face in his lifetime. The only difference is this time you are not the one taking the test. Your child is taking it for you. The examiner is your in-laws and your character, your wealth, and your network are all parts of your answer sheet.

[00:33:05]>> Listen to your mom and leave a guy in his 20s like me with no car and no house. Right? Then a comment blew up in the comment section, garnering nearly 100,000 replies. Half of the people said she was soberly realistic, while the other half said she was too materialistic and wrong. What exactly did she say? The core argument goes like this. What the girl's mother opposes isn't actually the fact that the guy is in his 20s with no car and no house, but rather she sees through his complete lack of preparation. She sees through the irresponsibility of his family of origin, a family that isn't even willing to help their own child will only bring chaos to the young couple's new family.

[00:33:44]So, what do the girl's parents actually care about? They are absolutely not looking at money, but rather the sense of responsibility behind having nothing, no car, no house, no money. I come from a rural area. I have two daughters and I am an ordinary person at the bottom of society. So, I am the most qualified to speak on this topic. If it were in the 1950s, if you gave me a big broken pot and a water vat, I could live with you for the rest of my life because that was the era. If it were my mother's generation, having a thatched cottage was enough to have kids, giving birth to me and my brother. Regardless of whether my dad was capable or not, they just stayed together for a lifetime. But coming to my generation the post80s when we got married my husband gave me 15,000 renmanb about $2,080 in total and my side of the family provided a dowy of 500 renb about $70 which I actually provided myself. Well then I've still managed to have kids with him and live together for 25 or 26 years now. Times have changed and society has progressed. So I want to ask you if a guy has nothing, no car, no house and is in his 20s with no job, can a girl marry him? I disagree. Why? The girl marries into your family and you have absolutely nothing. So what can you guarantee for my daughter's happiness?

[00:35:02]If a couple doesn't have the support of the elders or the in-laws, it's really hard. I went through exactly that. How hard was it? It's when you want to buy a bowl of wanttons but don't have the money to pay for it. Sure, it's for love. If two people are just dating in life, it's easy to get by. But if you have to suffer for love, that suffering has no end. It's a bottomless pit. Am I right? Look at me and my kid's dad now.

[00:35:27]Our child took the post-graduate entrance exam. And the scores aren't even out yet. If the child really needs to go to school, I would work my fingers to the bone. I would borrow money just to support my daughter's education. Why?

[00:35:40]Because I have suffered. And how could I let my child suffer, too? On the other hand, speaking of the guy, even if you have no money, you at least need a place to live. Where are the two of you going to stay? You can't stay in hotels every day or sleep out in the open, right? If so-called love means suffering, then why bother getting married? Do you think the girl's family is using poverty as an excuse? Saying stuff like, "Ordinary people shouldn't be so snobbish. The guy has no car or house, but he has potential." Then let me ask you, did you use a magnifying glass to see that this man has potential? Huh? You say this kid could become an official or be successful in 10 years. How exactly can you tell? Right now, for instance, this 25-year-old kid is doing absolutely nothing. Can you clearly see what he'll be doing in 10 years? Do you have X-ray vision? Does that make any sense? So, don't use the future to talk about the present. I have two daughters and I've said it before, we can skip the bride price and all that, but there's one thing. There must be a place to live.

[00:36:39]That is the bare minimum. As for a car, if he doesn't have one, I can buy my daughter a used one for 10,000 renb, about $1,400.

[00:36:49]You just need to be able to drive it and reach your destination. I mean, you can drive a Toyota Praau and I can drive a Volkswagen Santana as long as I can get my daughter to her destination. I'm not in a hurry and I am content, right? But if her dad and I make this much money a month and my daughter goes to your house to cook for you, have your kids, and yet has to sleep out in the open, what parent would agree to that? Am I wrong?

[00:37:13]Or are you expecting her to follow you back to some thatched cottage deep in the mountains? So, I think we shouldn't over complicate things, right? So, if a guy has no car, no house, and no job right now, I believe my daughter cannot marry him. My lowest standard for my daughter is that I'd rather have no bride price, but there has to be a place to live. This is the only standard. If you don't even have a home, how can you live your life? Or am I supposed to find a live and son-in-law to share an attic with me? How is that possible? Could you swallow that kind of humiliation? We are talking about living together as a family. If this young man thinks I'm wrong, refuses to accept it, and just wants to get angry and argue, right?

[00:37:51]Tell me, how is that possible? I'm so mad my local dialect is coming out. We have to talk about facts, right? Speak the words that fit the times. Take off the shoes that fit the river you're crossing. When in Rome, do as the Romans do. So, I feel that the girl's mother isn't wrong in what she said. However, there are some things she shouldn't have said. No matter what the guy's parents do for a living, we shouldn't drag the elders into this. But, we still have to face reality, right? It has to be said this way. So, I want to ask you, for those with daughters or sons, what do you think? If you have nothing, would you marry them off or take a bride?

[00:38:25]Exactly.

[00:38:28]>> What? Take a look at this. I am a civil aviation pilot with an annual salary of $400,000 renb, about $56,000.

[00:38:36]I'm a local and I don't smoke or drink.

[00:38:39]Oh my god, with such great resources, how can you not find a partner? My mom also set me up on a few blind dates with locals, but either they just didn't chat after I messaged them on WeChat or they complained about me not being home.

[00:38:51]Girls nowadays are too hard to handle and too hard to pursue. Right. Exactly.

[00:38:56]Don't you think? With my conditions being like this, how come in this? So, what are your requirements? I just want someone who is easy to talk to. Someone I can actually hold a conversation with on WeChat. Just something effortless is fine. As long as it's effortless, that's fine. Being effortless makes it easier to go back to her hometown, too. What do you like to do in your free time? I don't really have any hobbies. Just watching movies, swimming, and things like that, and then going out to hang out a bit when I'm back. Do you have any age requirements for the girl? One year older or four to five years younger is all fine. I'm just really curious. You said you are a civil aviation pilot. Do you fly big planes or small planes? We fly 737s.

[00:39:34]Are you a co-pilot or We are co-pilots.

[00:39:37]How many years will it take for you to become a captain? The industry is very fiercely competitive right now. It used to be easy to get promoted. For someone like me, it'll take another 3 to four years to get promoted to captain. But your job is actually quite good. The social circle is relatively small. Is it true that when you sign a contract, you sign for life? Yes, I actually know a little bit about it. This kind of income is considered high in Hongjo. People here all claim to make 300,000 to 400,000 renmanb about 42,000 to $56,000.

[00:40:09]You can't compare yourself to them. They might just be bragging, but if you are a pilot, I believe you. Are you looking for a partner yourself or did your parents push you? When I first came in, those uncles and aunties told me that being born in 1995 means I'm not young anymore. Probably because we are from the countryside. No, no, no. Being from the countryside is actually better nowadays. There's no such thing as a distinction between rural and urban anymore, right? But the core problem actually is after chatting with you for a bit, I've analyzed it. Maybe you just don't really understand girls and you're not very good at providing emotional value. Do you think I'm right? That's somewhat true. Because when a girl brings up a topic with you, she might feel, "Oh man, chatting with you is so boring." However, you are a great choice for settling down and living a life. You can make money, right? You can support a family, right? So, if you could just improve your emotional intelligence a bit, you would be one step closer to success. The kind of girl who is down to earth and family oriented. I really like that. You really like that? That works, too. I have high hopes for you. It'll be easy to find someone. Really, no problem at all. It feels a bit different here compared to our village. Of course, it's different. This is a market, right? In a market, it's definitely going to be.

[00:41:23]>> Today is May 7th, 2026. I finally gathered the courage to record the first video of my life. I am sitting in my rented house right now. Yes, I am divorced, ending my 10-year marriage.

[00:41:35]This is a brand new account with no acquaintances, no one who knows me, no relatives or friends, and certainly not my parents. I am just an ordinary single mother with two children. Over these 10 years, I have accumulated countless emotional drain, countless coldness, countless times of being ignored, and I have seen through all the calculations.

[00:41:55]During these 10 years, every time we argued, he was the one who brought up divorce because he calculated that I wouldn't leave, that I couldn't bear to part with the children. He even told me bluntly, "You can sue me, I have nothing anyway." He threw the agreement in my face and told me to sign it, but I stubbornly said, "Why should I leave? I simply won't divorce." For so many years, I never calculated financial gains or losses. In 10 years of marriage, we spent 8 years paying off debts, and the property was all under my mother-in-law's name. My only thought was to live a stable life and take good care of the children. I thought that once the debts were paid off, my good days would come. I always thought that a marriage needed to be managed and arguments were inevitable. After every argument, he would say he would change, but every time it was the same old story. All my expectations turned into disappointment and then I would constantly consume myself emotionally again. I don't know if any sisters out there can understand that kind of helplessness, disappointment, and despair. It wasn't until March of this year when a series of events happened again that I finally couldn't endure it anymore. I took the initiative to file for divorce. Right up to the end, he was calculating how to pay child support and how to sign the agreements so he wouldn't lose out. It ultimately ended with him getting legal custody while the two children live with me. What chilled my heart the most was that during the divorce cooling off period, my parents kept calling me stupid and kept telling me to give up my two children. But how could I bear to do that? Children I carried for 9 months and raised with my own hands, how could I bear to leave them in a family like that? At that moment, I had no one behind me, no one to understand me, no one to back me up.

[00:43:37]I was very lost, not knowing how to walk the road ahead, how I would raise my two children, how I would make money, or what kind of person I wanted to become in the future. I had no answers. It wasn't until the moment I got the divorce certificate in my hand that I suddenly woke up. I knew that the only person I could rely on was myself. I could only rely on myself. Now, I have finally gathered the courage to come here. I want to have a stable income and a career of my own. I want to make good money while taking good care of my two daughters. I will learn from all the excellent moms out there and I want to witness my own growth. My biggest wish is to have a home of my own to give my two daughters a stable home. Here I have blocked everyone. I don't need to pretend anymore. I don't need to worry about anything anymore. I just want to completely be myself. I treat this place as my childhood diary recording my reflections and my growth. I hope that you in front of the screen can give me a word of encouragement. I want to fall in love with life again. I want to be a happy version of myself. I want my two daughters to see that they have a brave mother, a confident mother. I hope everyone will witness my growth as I start a new.

[00:44:46]>> My wife and I have been married for 17 years. We are not divorced, but we sleep in separate beds. She lives her life and I live mine. Now, we basically don't even call each other anymore. In the past, when I was about to go out, she would at least ask, "Where are you going? When will you be back?" Now, she doesn't even ask where I'm going. We just don't interfere with each other.

[00:45:06]Each doing our own thing. We don't even exchange five sentences a day now. She is completely fed up with me. She complains that I have an old people smell, says my breath stinks, and that I snore when I sleep. Last night, my son asked me to sleep with him. Since I've been sleeping in a separate room from my wife, I went to their bedroom to put my son to sleep. But while I was lulling my son to sleep, I fell asleep too. Then at some point, my wife woke me up and told me, "Go sleep outside. Don't sleep here." I was in a drowsy state at that moment, sleeping very soundly, and I really didn't want to get up. I said, "I'll just sleep here." But she said, "No." She said, "You snore, hurry up, and sleep outside." She must have called me for about 10 minutes. In the end, I had no choice but to force myself to get up. I glanced at the clock. It was already 12:00. I went back to sleep in the living room. She has had enough of me now and I have had enough of her. We don't even have the most basic communication anymore. Occasionally, we are forced to say a few words for the sake of the children. Although we live under the same roof, we have become the most familiar strangers. The old me who loved to talk and laugh is gone forever.

[00:46:13]You might be wondering why don't you just get a divorce? Because when you reach middle age, if you get a divorce, the children will lack the love of either a father or a mother.

[00:46:22]Furthermore, both our parents are almost 70 and we don't want to worry them. If relatives and friends found out, they would also laugh at us. So, the only reason we haven't divorced, our only common goal is to raise our children well. We can only swallow our grievances and sorrows. Enduring it year after year, just getting by. But I've discovered that changing others is very difficult, while changing oneself is very easy. She complains about my old people smell, right? So, I take more frequent showers. She complains about my bad breath, so I brush my teeth more often. She says she hates my snoring, so I try my best to sleep on my side.

[00:46:57]Before, when I got home, I would just collapse onto the sofa. Now, I proactively do some housework, like mopping the floor or washing the dishes.

[00:47:05]Whatever I can help with, I do. Although she still doesn't give me a pleasant look, her tone of voice is noticeably less harsh. Yesterday, she even asked me, "What do you want to eat for lunch?"

[00:47:15]I said, "I'm craving some malotang spicy hot pot." As a result, she went to the Malotang shop near our house, picked out all the ingredients for me, and was waiting for me there. You see, I really didn't have any intention of changing her. I only changed myself and she moved a little along with me. As I slowly change and become better, I find that my wife also starts to change. If you in front of the screen are living a life similar to mine, then let's try to change ourselves first. As you slowly become better, your other half will surely change as well. And so our journey for today comes to a close.

[00:47:50]Together we have listened to a symphony of voices. From the quiet size in a 17-year-old marriage that has grown cold to the silent cry of a father ashamed of his son's future. From the brutally cleareyed view of a kingdom of women marriage market to the profound courage of a single mother starting a new. Each story, each perspective, whether tearfilled or thorny, paints a multifaceted and honest portrait of love and marriage in contemporary society. So what is the greatest lesson we can take away from all this? Perhaps it is the realization that marriage has never been solely about a big house or a high salary. As the wise mother pointed out, what parents are truly looking for is not wealth, but the sense of responsibility and commitment from another family. A well-paid pilot still struggles to find love, not because he lacks money, but because he lacks the emotional value needed to warm a heart.

[00:48:45]And then there's the lesson of inner strength. We see that true love is not about salvation, but about the companionship of two souls who are already strong on their own. A sense of security doesn't come from controlling a partner's finances, but from their reliable character and your own ability to stand on your own two feet. As the man in the cold marriage realized, you cannot change another person, but you can always start by changing yourself.

[00:49:09]His small actions managed to rekindle a fragile warmth. Love and marriage in the end are not destinations, but continuous journeys of co-creation. They demand cultivation from both families, effort from both individuals, and most importantly, understanding and respect.

[00:49:26]It is not an economic problem to be solved, but a piece of music that requires two people to play in harmony.

[00:49:33]Wherever you are on your own journey, whether you are single, in love, or in a marriage, I hope these stories have given you a deeper perspective. Thank you for listening with Chinese emotion.

[00:49:43]Which lesson resonated with you the most? Please share your thoughts with us in the comments below.