A behind the scenes look

本站添加: 2026-06-07

[00:00:00]Hello and welcome to the adventures with a home health aid. Now, today we're going to do something a little different. We're going behind the scenes. So, come with me because recently I was asked by somebody, "How can I help my loved one who is suffering from dementia with their everyday struggles, the things that they're going to experience? How can I help them? And how can I help myself be there for them?" First off, I really want to applaud you, okay? Taking care of a loved one is not easy. Taking care of a loved one with dementia or Alzheimer's is 90% harder.

[00:00:39]Now, for those of you out there who are wondering, what is dementia?

[00:00:43]What is Alzheimer's?

[00:00:45]The easiest way I can explain it without a whole bunch of medical terms or medical explanation is that your brain forgets quite simply. Um, and I'm not talking, oh, where did I put my phone? I mean, no, your brain forgets who am I? Or your brain might not be able to understand why you feel anxious and you feel depressed.

[00:01:11]Maybe you're having difficulty remembering how to brush your teeth.

[00:01:16]Dementia is a progressive, so it's going to get worse. I'm not going to sugarcoat nothing for y'all. Dementia is going to get worse. Yeah, there are some medications that can help, but in the end, it is something that is not curable.

[00:01:32]But what can I do? The first thing you have to do is understand dementia. So, what is it? What is happening? So, people with dementia are going to experience memory problems. Okay?

[00:01:46]They're going to wake up one day, look in the mirror, and have no idea what they see.

[00:01:55]They're going to have no idea who you are. They might not even know or remember what a comb is. Now, I know this is a comb.

[00:02:07]I know this is my comb.

[00:02:10]I know I comb my hair with this comb, but if I have dementia one day I'm going to wake up and well now what do we what do we do with this?

[00:02:30]Does this Well, do we Is it a musical instrument? It makes sound. What do we It Do I Is it something I wear?

[00:02:48]What?

[00:02:50]That's what it's like. Maybe yesterday, Tuesday, I knew what this was and I used it. But today's Wednesday and I don't know what this is now. Why am I holding it? And if you come and you try to correct them or you get frustrated with them, it's going to make everything they're experiencing worse.

[00:03:17]My advice for memory issues, labels. I took care of a woman who had dementia.

[00:03:25]Everything in her had a label. Yes, I do mean everything.

[00:03:32]A cup had a label that said your cup.

[00:03:37]Insert name.

[00:03:40]Her comb. There was a label on her vanity by the comb that said comb for combing your hair.

[00:03:50]There was a label on the TV that said, "This is your TV. You do not have to okay to watch it. Watch whatever you want.

[00:04:01]Sometimes labels just give a person that little extra boost that they need to figure out what something is without a lot of fuss, without a lot of struggle. Another thing that you can do for your loved one is just talk to them.

[00:04:17]If you see that your loved one is is staring at this comb and they're will now very calmly come in and say, "Oh, you found your comb. The thing in your hand is your comb. Are you going to comb your hair? Can I help you comb your hair?"

[00:04:41]Give them an explanation like you would a child.

[00:04:46]Now, that sounds mean. That sounds undignified.

[00:04:50]sometimes.

[00:04:52]And if you have experience, you know it's what you have to do. Oh, Dad, you have your cup and your cup has your straw. Are you going to use the straw to drink out of or can I take the lid off so you can sip out of your cup? I'm sure there's water in it. You must be thirsty.

[00:05:15]Little conversations like that help them.

[00:05:20]And if nothing else, let it be. If your loved one has their comb in their hand and they're not hurting themselves, but they are convinced that this is a musical instrument, honey, let them go. As long as they are not hurting theirelves, they are not hurting you and they are not damaging the house.

[00:05:42]If your loved one wants to play this thing like a harmonica for hours, let them. The more you try to correct somebody with dementia or Alzheimer's, the more frustrated they're going to become, the more frustrated you're going to become. Labels help.

[00:05:59]Gentle talking helps. Break it down small. Or sometimes just letting it be is the best thing to do. The next thing that your loved one is going to eventually experience is trouble communicating. They're not going to be able to find the right words. They might have a hard time telling you what they need. Maybe they'll struggle to give you complete sentences.

[00:06:23]Now, I know when I'm hungry, I want something to eat. And I will say, I'm hungry. I want something to eat. Your loved one is going to struggle to tell you that. They're going to, well, my my stomach don't feel right and I'm upset.

[00:06:42]I don't know why now. My stomach is upset. My stomach hurts and and I I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm angry and I I can't I don't And that is when you again give them patience. Let them try to figure it out. And they might yell at you. They might bark at you that you're not helping them.

[00:07:07]Give them a chance to try to figure it out or help them. Okay, Dad. You said your stomach hurts. Have you eaten today? Do you need food?

[00:07:19]And that was all they wanted. Yes, I want something to eat.

[00:07:23]Honey, if they bark at you, don't worry about it. They don't understand what they need. They don't understand what they want. They can't take it from here to here. Give them a little push. Okay. You said your stomach hurts. She has to go to the bathroom.

[00:07:42]Have you eaten today?

[00:07:44]Do you feel sick? Little suggestions.

[00:07:48]Yeah, they're going to yell at you.

[00:07:49]Yeah, baby. They're going to bark at you. I get yelled at at least once a week, every week. And I mean screamed at because someone has they know what they want. They know what they need, but they just they can't get it out. And even though I'm trying to help them, Frustration is there. Do not take it personally. Water off a duck's back.

[00:08:15]They're hurting and they're struggling a lot more than your feelings are. I promise.

[00:08:20]The second thing that you're going to see with your loved one is mood changes.

[00:08:26]They might not be the happy go-lucky mom that you know. They might not be the emotionally there for your dad that you're used to. There's going to be some differences. Now, if you notice a lot of anxiety, you notice a lot of bad sad days, you notice that they're not talking much anymore, um these are all things to write down, to keep note of, to talk to their doctor about. There are medications for things like anxiety, depression, and things like that. Um, another thing you can do is try to engage them. If you know for a fact that your dad loves checkers, get the checkerboard out. Put your phone down.

[00:09:09]Get the checkerboard out. If you know for a fact that your mom loves to talk about flowers, just mention to her that, you know, my my tulips really aren't blooming much this year, or I've been wanting to prune back my hydrangeas.

[00:09:25]Remember what your parents loved. Talk with them about it. bring them out of that shell.

[00:09:32]And sometimes the mood changes are going to be a little bit crazy. Um there is something called sundowner syndrome and a lot of people with dementia experience that as the day goes on and the evening starts getting darker. Their mood gets darker or they become very clingy. They become very scared. Everything about them mentally shifts.

[00:10:00]Now, one thing that I do is I make sure as it starts to get dark, close the curtains, close the blinds, keep all the lights on. Give them that false reality of no, plenty of light. Nothing wrong here. Sometimes that can help. A change in your light bulbs can help. Or let's talk to the doctor because they might need medication. Mood swings and mood changes are hard to deal with.

[00:10:30]Making sure that you have what you need to help them, the medication, soothing music, um pulling them out by engaging them, giving them something that they love to do, something that they love to talk about. Most of all, support. Hey, Dad. I see you're really sad today. I don't know what you're feeling, buddy, but I'm here for you. We don't have to talk. I'm going sit right down here beside you.

[00:10:56]When you're ready, I'm ready. I'm here for you. Sometimes that all that's all it takes. Another thing that your loved one is going to be dealing with is a lot of confusion. Um they're going to forget the time. They're going to forget places. Um they might just become lost in their own living room. It's really hard to see. One day your mom or your dad might wake up and they've been in their kitchen thousand times before, but for some reason today when they walked in, it wasn't their kitchen. And where are they? And what's going on? And it's a little scary. It would be like me blindfolding you, putting you on a plane and then drive driving you around in a car and then putting you on a bus and dropping you off in the middle of a city you have nowhere no idea where you are with no phone and no way to communicate what you're thinking or what you're feeling. It's almost like the first time you know what it was like the very first time you were a kid and you ever got separated or lost? It's terrifying. And those are things that they're going to feel. The best thing you can do is try to get a routine down and give them that schedule. Put it up on their wall. Put it in their bathroom. 6 a.m. up out of bed.

[00:12:21]6:05 we're going to go to the bathroom.

[00:12:25]6:15 we're going to brush our teeth, wash our face. Try to get a schedule down. Try to get a routine down. It sounds impossible.

[00:12:35]But one of the individuals that I took care of that had dementia, their daughter had a very, very strict, very, very set routine for them. And in a lot of ways, it did help train their brain and their body that, oh, 6:00 a.m. they were waking up. By 8:00, they were sitting at the table. The body learns sometimes what the mind forgets. And it's weird that way. Dementia is very tricky that way. Get that set routine.

[00:13:09]Another thing is reminders, reminders and reminders, reminders. I cannot stress how important it is, even if you have to say it 20 times a day.

[00:13:20]Hey, Dad, tomorrow is the 13th.

[00:13:25]Tomorrow on the 13th, we're going to go to the dentist.

[00:13:30]Let's make sure we pay extra attention to their teeth today.

[00:13:34]Give it an hour. Hey, Dad. Tomorrow you're going to go see Dr. Thompson.

[00:13:40]He's going to clean your teeth for you.

[00:13:43]Okay.

[00:13:44]Yeah, they might get ticked off at you.

[00:13:46]Yeah, they might. Well, why didn't you tell me? Let it be. They don't remember themselves.

[00:13:53]Gentle reminders, set schedules, or honestly, let it be. If they're confused and there's no talking to them about it, as long as they're safe, they're not hurting themselves or not hurting you, they're not damaging the house, let them be. If your mom is going to sit on the couch because she's convinced that she's waiting for the bus and she's not even in the house, she's at a bus stop, let it be. She's not hurting you. If you're out in public and all of a sudden your dad starts crying because he's scared because he's lost, take his hand. Who cares what somebody else is going to say? Take his hand and say, "Dad, I'm right here."

[00:14:40]Or, "Mr. Thompson, I'm right here.

[00:14:44]Nothing is going to happen with to you.

[00:14:46]I'm taking care of you. Let's just go for a walk. Take some deep breaths because everything's going to be okay."

[00:14:54]Sometimes that won't work. You just have to remember the calmer, the patient, the more gentle spoken you are, it's going to help them. Get them to a calm, quiet area.

[00:15:10]They might be lost.

[00:15:12]They might be confused, but you're there with them. That's the most important part.

[00:15:19]Another thing that your loved one is going to experience is difficulty with everyday tasks. Things like hygiene, using the bathroom, cooking, cleaning. They're not going to be able to take their thoughts of what needs to be done from here and putting it into action with their body.

[00:15:42]Maybe your dad dropped the glass.

[00:15:44]There's glass all over the floor. He knows that glass doesn't belong there.

[00:15:49]but he doesn't know what to do. So, he might kick it out of the way or maybe he will try to pick it up and he'll put it in a cup on the countertop. Or, and unfortunately, this is a thing, he wet himself.

[00:16:08]Well, you're going to find a pile of urine soaked clothes somewhere in that house. Don't get mad. Don't shout.

[00:16:17]Chances are he didn't know what he was doing. I had a gentleman that I took care of who actually went into his bedroom, opened a drawer on his dresser, and pooped in his dresser drawer. Why?

[00:16:34]He went from confusion to difficulty knowing what he was doing to more confusion to forgetting to go into the bathroom to use the bathroom.

[00:16:47]Dementia, you just don't experience one symptom one at a time. You might experience everything. He got up out of the living room chair knowing, "My stomach hurts. I need to go to the bathroom." But somewhere between the living room and his bedroom, he got confused. He forgot what he was doing.

[00:17:10]His memory went. He just knew you don't mess in your pants.

[00:17:16]So, he came into his room and he used the dresser drawer. Now, was he upset?

[00:17:22]No, because he did not realize what he had done. Was I upset? I mean, it wasn't a nice thing to clean up, but getting mad at him, shouting at him, correcting him is going to scare him, confuse him, frustrate him, or anger him. Because in his mind, well, I didn't go in my pants.

[00:17:46]I went to the bathroom.

[00:17:48]Not understanding, not realizing where he had gone. Another thing that you're going to see is poor judgment. Now, this is the most important one to pay attention to. Your loved one is going to start making poor decisions. Maybe it's financially.

[00:18:05]they listen to somebody they shouldn't and they write a check or they go to the store and they start shopping and the bill's crazy. I had a client one time who bought 19 heads of cabbage and she wrote a check. They didn't stop her. They didn't question her.

[00:18:29]What we did with 19 heads of cabbage, that's a story for another day.

[00:18:34]Sometimes poor judgment in financial decisions is a big problem. Sometimes poor judgment in unsafe decisions. Your loved one puts an empty pot on the stove and turns it on and then they forget what they were doing and they left the stove on. Maybe they're filling up the bathtub with water and it is scolding hot. They didn't put any cold water in.

[00:18:59]Little things you can do for that. And yes, I have done some of this uh proof your house. Sounds nasty. Sounds mean.

[00:19:09]But see that lock at the top of the door up there?

[00:19:13]Mhm.

[00:19:15]You might have to do that if your family member is exercising poor judgment and wandering around, whether it's wandering around at night or wandering around during the day. I had a gentleman who would strip naked and go outside. no clue what he was doing. But by putting a lock at the top of the door, he couldn't figure out how to unlock that. It was a baby proof lock. Sounds mean, but it kept him from going outside unattended.

[00:19:46]It kept him from getting hurt.

[00:19:49]I have taken care of people who have fake credit cards. You get all those credit cards in the mail. You take it out, you put it in your mom's wallet.

[00:19:59]She thinks she has a credit card. So if she tries to buy a bunch of stuff or a scammer calls her or she sees a bunch of stuff on the TV that she wants, she's not making that poor financial decision.

[00:20:14]Draining her bank account, but in her mind, she has a card. It's just not working. Mom will have to call the bank and alert the bank. Talk to your bank.

[00:20:24]Let them know what's going on. Um, that way they don't spend money, they can't spend money. It keeps everything safe. A monitoring system. This is the age of technology, guys. Cameras.

[00:20:39]Now, it's not always comfortable to have cameras in your house, and I understand that. But when it comes to a loved one with dementia, you definitely want it.

[00:20:48]Why? Because if I'm in bed and I'm sleeping and my loved one just got up and I have no clue what they're going to do. Why are they getting up? It's one o'clock in the morning. What's going on?

[00:21:00]I can hear them and those sounds will wake me up and then I can go and see what's going on. Maybe I have an alarm at the door. If someone opens the front door, I'm going to hear about it. I'm going to hear if they open the bathroom door. I'm going to hear if they open up any other door to the house. Whatever the important thing is, it's watching your individual, your loved one, your client who has dementia who has Alzheimer's. Learn their pattern of behavior. That's a big one. Keep notes.

[00:21:34]What time does dad start getting real agitated in the evening? Okay, that's when I need to close the curtains.

[00:21:39]That's when I need to close the blinds.

[00:21:42]If mom is forgetting who the grandkids are all the time, what would happen if I put a label under their picture with their name and their age? That way when mom looks at it, she doesn't just see some little girl she doesn't know. Well, that's Morgan. Now, who is Morgan? Well, don't you remember mom?

[00:22:04]No. Oh, well, Morgan is your granddaughter. And if she gets mad and she says, "I don't have a granddaughter." Let it be. Okay? And honestly, don't use the term don't you remember? That gets upset. That gets them upset. Anytime you use the term don't you remember? Why can't you remember? It causes frustration. So, mom picks up a picture. She reads the name tag Morgan. Who's Morgan?

[00:22:33]Oh, that's your granddaughter. But she's not my granddaughter. I don't have one.

[00:22:39]Oh, my mistake. I'm sorry. That must be my granddaughter. Can I tell you about Morgan? And maybe as you talk about her, there'll be some recognition. There'll be a memory there. The important thing is get to know the pattern of your loved one. Keep notes. It'll be easier when you go to the doctor. It'll be easier to make the house safe. It'll help you learn and understand how far in dementia that they're progressing and it'll help you learn more about how to help them.

[00:23:11]Sometimes it's going to be easy. There's going to be really good days. Sometimes there's going to be really bad days. I encourage you to also join a support group for family members dealing with um loved ones that have dementia. They have a lot of good ideas, too. Just remember, Not everything about dementia is bad and not everything about your loved one is gone. It's just going to take time. It's just going to take patience. I hope this helped. I hope this educated. If you have any questions, I am a message away.

[00:23:48]I will do everything I can to help you.

[00:23:51]Um, I really encourage you to find a support group. I really encourage you to have those long conversations with the doctor and just the everyday tips, the everyday little tricks that I gave you from the labels to the baby proofing, from letting it go to the gentle reminders.

[00:24:09]Read about dementia, too. There's a lot of books out there. There's a lot of articles out there. There is a lot of um people who will share their knowledge, who will share their advice.

[00:24:22]Most importantly, thank you for what you're doing. What you're doing isn't easy, and I really do sincerely applaud you. I hope this video helped. I hoped it gave you some ideas of what to do.

[00:24:34]Again, I'm a message away. Thank you guys.