Why Soft Leadership Is Failing

[00:00:00]When a leader speaks, it shouldn't sound like they're reading a Hallmark card.

[00:00:05]You know, just about every day I log on to LinkedIn to participate in the leadership development conversation. And it's usually a conversation that takes place between HR professionals and management consultants like myself. And it often sounds like Disney characters having a conversation at a Brene Brown retreat. There's a lot of emphasis on appreciation and and appreciation of and empathy for the worker.

[00:00:31]And while the hearts are no doubt in the right place, if you're a manager, you're a leader, especially if you're an owner of a business, and you're paying one of the seven out of 10 workers who are disengaged, workers who are not working, this is not the conversation that you want to hear.

[00:00:49]And ultimately, it hasn't delivered us the engagement that we're looking for.

[00:00:54]So, in the next couple minutes, I'm going to explain that and I'm going to give you the solution. Solution for fully engaging your workers so that you can get from them more productivity and a higher quality of work.

[00:01:07]Uh it makes sense to to begin by understanding why we are where we are and why people in this profession who study the science are focusing so much on empathy.

[00:01:17]You know, the the fundamental leadership question, is it better to be loved or feared? is answered, loved.

[00:01:27]Love is the more powerful motivational tool.

[00:01:31]However, if you're one of those managers that's dealing with a disengaged worker, love is not on the menu. Number one, you're frustrated. Number two, you believe what you're seeing is wrong in that this person promised you 100% and now they're giving you half of that.

[00:01:47]And number three, our culture has taught us that what strong leaders do when their when their expectations aren't met is that they crack down, when get tough, they hold people's feet to the fire.

[00:01:58]And while that's logical, reasonable, and maybe morally defensible even, that's what's left us with seven out of 10 workers disengaged. In fact, the workers say that this tyrannical approach is the biggest problem.

[00:02:14]So, as the science has demonstrated this and demonstrated that in fact love works better, you're seeing people take a more empathetic approach.

[00:02:26]However, empathy alone doesn't solve the problem.

[00:02:31]You know, think about what we've seen in recent generations in our most important leadership role as parents.

[00:02:39]Parents that are focusing on a strengths-based approach, focusing on the child's strengths and not their weaknesses. A parent that's focused on on love, on empathy. While this is a critical foundational piece for child development, the child needs to know you're loved, you're a valued, you're supported, you're cared for.

[00:03:01]While that's a critical foundational piece, in and of itself, it works great as long as the kids at home. But when the kid leaves the house and goes out into the real world, they find that it's inadequate.

[00:03:12]Because as we all should know at this point, love requires more than kisses and kittens. It requires discipline and accountability.

[00:03:22]And what's true in the home is true in the workplace as well.

[00:03:26]So, the solution is to add that accountability without becoming tyrannical.

[00:03:35]And it's important for me to say at this point, we're not talking about a happy medium between the two. A lot of times the old school leaders hear that the the the newer methods are sometimes not working because we are seeing an accountability crisis, so they say, "Well, see, that just proves my point.

[00:03:50]You got to you got to crack the whip when you want people to work. That's just not true. Again, that's what delivered us to this.

[00:03:57]It's not about a little of both, a little tyranny and a little love.

[00:04:02]It's about measuring performance without judging it, which is what the workers say they hate so much.

[00:04:11]You know, in the In the top pinned comment, there's a link to a I put together a quick start guide for a strengths-based leadership methodology.

[00:04:20]Two pages, six principles. It's free. My email address is at the bottom. You can ask me any question you like, and I'll answer it for free as well.

[00:04:28]One of the principles is called measurement, not judgment.

[00:04:34]You know, typically, the manager acts as judge of the worker's performance.

[00:04:40]And even when the manager says to the worker, you know, it's it's not personal. I'm not judging you as a person. I'm just judging your performance. The reality is people take it as personal.

[00:04:51]They feel hurt by it. It causes a fight or flight response if the judgment is is too poor. And it And it creates this this beef between the two, and ultimately disengages the worker.

[00:05:04]What we want to do instead is measure the worker's performance.

[00:05:10]And while that can be more difficult if a if a person's not in a naturally quantifiable role like sales, you can always score even the qualitative.

[00:05:21]When the manager When the organization is able to score the worker's performance, then instead of the manager And you can do this physically as well as verbally and psychologically, the manager, instead of sitting across from the worker and judging them, the manager literally stands or sits beside the worker, and they look at the score together.

[00:05:44]And the manager then does three things.

[00:05:46]The manager says first, "I'm here to support you. You know, we're in this together. As your manager, your performance is my performance.

[00:05:55]And you were hired, number two, because you have real talent.

[00:06:01]You have this and this and this and this strength.

[00:06:04]And that score is not representative of your capabilities.

[00:06:10]So, number three, let's engage in a conversation by which we gain an understanding of why you're not as successful as you could be, and put together a plan for getting you from where you are to where we both know you can be."

[00:06:29]You know, this is not going to cause disengagement. This is not going to cause pushback. First of all, you've you've extracted the the measurement from the opinion of the manager.

[00:06:40]>> [snorts] >> Beyond that, the manager has communicated to the worker, "I'm on your side. I'm on your team. I want to help you." The manager has complimented the worker, which the worker can hear.

[00:06:51]And of course, the worker wants to succeed, too. And if the manager shows up as someone who's empathetic to the worker's issues, who recognizes the worker's strengths, who's supportive of the worker, and now wants to engage in a planning exercise by which they they lay out a roadmap so the worker can get from where they are to where everyone wants them to be, you know, that's a fruitful relationship and conversation.

[00:07:18]So, we want to progress out of the past.

[00:07:23]Cracking the whip has not gotten the job done. Sure, it gets you a little boost of productivity in the moment, but ultimately it's given us the seven out of 10 workers who are disengaged.

[00:07:33]And we want to land in a place other than just being the nice guy or gal leader, where we're just offering empathy, where we just want to be liked, where we just want to create a good mood. Sure we want a good mood. Sure we want to be liked.

[00:07:47]Sure we want to inject positivity, but we must also have accountability. And when that doesn't come in the form of judgement on the part of the manager, the worker will work with you.

[00:07:59]Again, in the top pin comment, you can see a greater elaboration on this principle and five others in two pages and it's all free. You can ask me any question that you have. I'll help you in any way that I can.