Man Says He’s Not Interested In Second Date Unless They Hook Up

[00:00:00]Okay, guys. People on TikTok are fighting with each other because this girl right here went on a date with this guy. I guess things go well. Then, right before their second meet up, he sends a voice memo, which I'm going to play in a second, basically asking if she's going to be down to be sexually intimate during their second meet up. I guess it's going to be at her house. And says, "If she's not interested, then he's also not really interested in meeting up anymore." This video blew up to 5.5 million views. And after seeing this, people started crashing out on TikTok saying that he tried to coerce her.

[00:00:40]They're saying that he's a grape-ist and that he's the scum of the earth. Other people are fighting back saying, "Yo, he asked for consent. He was honest. He's communicating what he wants. Y'all are tripping." Here's the audio he sent her.

[00:00:54]>> All right, I figured I'd send you a voice note cuz it's like easier than like texting all this, but anyway, I had a good time tonight. I definitely think you are lovely.

[00:01:03]However, I would love to, if we're going to go to your place on Thursday, I mean, I am looking to have that physical intimacy to see if like I am sexually compatible with you. So, like if I'm going to come over, like I would be hoping to like hook up, have sex, have a good time, have like that romantic spark and that physical spark there for my own sake because it's hard for me to continue dating if dating someone and seeing them if I don't know if I'm sexually compatible. So, I know you said, "I don't know about that." So, like I guess my thing is is like what would be the point of me coming over then if we're not going to like hook up and like cuddle and like be intimate with each other.

[00:01:52]And if that's what you don't want, that's fine, but like I think we should just like end it here then, respectfully just because I first date that's fine. Like you want to get to know each other, I'm all about that, but like I am looking to have that physical aspect there and I don't want to continue seeing someone if I don't know if that's good if if that's not there or not. So, up to you, let me know. I'm happy to if you do want me to come over, I'm I'm happy to do so, would love to have [ __ ] have a good time and you know, we can have some wine, hang out and chill, but if you're not trying to hook up then like I think we should just go our separate ways. Let me know.

[00:02:32]>> He's talking longer than he would last.

[00:02:34]Oh my god. How can I block him? He thought he cooked by calling it intimacy.

[00:02:39]Why is he trying to close her like a salesman? Second date ultimatum is wild.

[00:02:45]This is who I imagined the whole time.

[00:02:49]Now guys, maybe I'm uneducated, but it seemed like to me he was being upfront.

[00:02:55]He's like, "Hey, I'm looking for someone that opens their legs on the second date. If that's not you, that's cool, but then I want to end it here."

[00:03:03]I like that better than him pulling up, planning and manipulating a way to get her to open her legs when they meet up and she don't know his intentions. So, I watched some videos to maybe get some insight on this.

[00:03:16]This woman makes a video saying, "Do y'all want consent or not?" He's upfront with her telling her what he wants. This voice note is what consent looks like and maybe people are not used to this blunt communication. This girl was like, "No, hell no." She says for him to barely know her and to tell her that he doesn't want to go on a second date unless she opens her legs, that is coercion and that is an ultimatum.

[00:03:43]She says real consent is like, "Hey, would you like to do this? Yes or no."

[00:03:48]Not if we don't do this, then I don't want to do X, Y, Z. And that is conditional pressure. She also says, "There are women that feel pressured to giving it up when the man expresses that he doesn't want to see her no more unless she puts out." And they end up feeling like that's what they need to do to receive love. And that voice memo guy is banking on that. And any woman that doesn't think this is wrong is weird as [ __ ] This person said, "Okay, girl, no. The meaning of a message cannot be changed by the way it's expressed. It might be changed on how they receive it or how they feel about it, but it doesn't actually change the message at hand. The guy basically said, "If we're not doing this, I don't want to do that."

[00:04:33]Which you guys are calling an ultimatum or coercion. But coercion is a matter of threats and circumstances. And she gives an example saying, "Let's say you're with this guy, he's driving, and he says, 'If you don't sleep with me, I'm not taking you home.'" Which means he's threatening to drop her off in an unsafe location, and he's giving her no alternatives. And she says that people are confusing ultimatum with not having any other choice. She says, "This woman is not left without any choice. You're already at home and you're safe. You could just choose not to date him. Not going on a second date with someone is not a threat." Immediate unfollow. Oh my god, they're unfollowing over this.

[00:05:15]They're acting like he's obligated to entertain her on a second date without his own conditions, and it's so weird.

[00:05:21]He's not entitled to her body, and she's not entitled to his time. This guy right here says, "Nah, y'all got it all the way effed up. Y'all trying to praise a man for being honest and open about just wanting to use a woman's body. Like a woman is just nothing but her hole."

[00:05:39]He says, "I propose an idea. After the first date, WOMEN SHOULD BE LIKE, 'YAY!

[00:05:44]NOW FOR the second date, let's go to your bank and see if we're financially compatible. Let's see if you could buy me a house, get my nails done, da da da da da. And if it's not in my standards, I don't want to date no more. He says it's evil that men can minimize a woman to her hole, but just because he's honest about it, he gets praised. But if women were to say, "I'm only interested in dating you if you can financially support me, if I'm going to be his wife or his lover," she'll get called a gold digger. The double standards. And I think he's being a little disingenuous here. If a man only cared about a woman's hole and nothing else about her, her personality, the other attributes of a human, we call that an overly freaked out man.

[00:06:26]Most of us don't respect those kind of people. If a woman will only date a man for how much money he has, him paying all her bills, giving her a lavish lifestyle, and doesn't care for anything else about him, we call that a gold digger. Which again, most of us don't respect those kind of people. What we do respect are people that are up front with their preferences and conditions when they're looking for a serious relationship. Now, for me personally, I would prefer a woman tell me by the second date, "Hey, if you don't plan on splurging a lot of cash on me on this second date, I would like to go look for a man that will." So then I could be like, "Oh, that's what you need. Yeah, no, I'm not going to do that. Yeah, you should go find a guy that can do that."

[00:07:13]I'm not going to call her names or nothing. She deserves to find that. Go crazy. Now, some men will call her slurs, belittle her, call her a gold digger. And women are doing the same thing when men only want their bodies.

[00:07:26]And I know that could be frustrating, but we should really only be mad if someone was lying about their intentions. Which I don't think is happening here, y'all.

[00:07:36]Okay, guys, I would really like to know what y'all think about this. Somebody might be able to tell me some stuff I really don't understand. I'll be in the comments. This video ends here. As always, say, "What do you think about this?"