How Looking GOOD Became An Act of REBELLION

[00:00:00]There was a time when looking put together was considered normal. You didn't have to be rich. You didn't have to be fashionable. You didn't have to be trying to impress anyone. You simply understood that different places require different versions of you. You dressed differently for work. You dressed differently for dinner. You dressed differently when you were meeting people who mattered. But somewhere along the way, something changed.

[00:00:20]>> Y I don't give a damn about clothes.

[00:00:22]Something to keep your body warm, bro.

[00:00:24]>> Now, putting effort into your appearance can almost feel like [music] a statement. When you dress nicely and just put together, you are stepping out [music] of equality and you break this unspoken agreement to be like everyone else.

[00:00:37]>> The person wearing the tailored outfit is sometimes [music] seen as trying too hard. The person who looks polished is accused of being highmaintenance. The person who cares about presentation is sometimes treated like they're performing.

[00:00:49]>> Because most people are too embarrassed to even look good. They're too embarrassed [music] to put on heels, to do their makeup, to look polished, to literally be put together because they want to fit in.

[00:00:59]>> Meanwhile, being effortless has become the ultimate status symbol. The less you appear to care, the more people assume you have nothing to prove. And this has created a strange contradiction. We live in a world obsessed with image where people create their homes, their careers, their social media, and even their lifestyles. But when it comes to personal presentation, caring too much can feel embarrassing. So when did looking good become something you have to defend?

[00:01:22]>> I am so over this whole oh you look really dressed up. Where you going after this? So because I have now taken it upon myself to look good. You have decided to make it your personal problem. When did being intentional with your own parents start feeling like rebellion? Because I don't think this is just about clothes. I think the way we view people who look polished reveals something much bigger about our relationship with ambition, status, confidence, and what society considers acceptable. And once you start noticing it, you'll realize the debate isn't about fashion. It's about what happens when standing out starts to feel uncomfortable. Hi babes, my name's Taja, your guide to intentional lux style.

[00:02:01]Please accept my request to join the group chat. Today, we're talking about why looking good feels like an act of rebellion. Once upon a time, looking good was aspirational. It's what I would say the majority of people wanted. You want to look your best. You want to maybe have an understanding of your body, your proportions, the colors that flatter you, the styles, the shapes that flatter you so that you can look your best, right? It seems that definitely in more recent years, it's no longer the case, guys. That game is over. Now, we want to look effortless. Right? Now, we want to look like we haven't tried too hard. We just happen to look like this by chance. We don't care that much. It's never that important. We are just being ourselves. And so, I thought it would be interesting for us to unpick a bit of how we got here. Why in some ways it feels almost like you're making a statement if you choose to make an effort. So there was a time where paying attention to your parents was linked by society to your level of intention. So you might put a bit more effort in on Sundays, maybe put on your Sunday best.

[00:03:10]You might have a particular suit for weddings or a particular dress for your birthday and you might have given a bit more consideration to your outfit if you were maybe meeting somebody new or even turned up a bit of your your when you were going on a date. And these approaches to fashion were never usually linked to the sentiment that these decisions somehow meant that you felt that you were better than people, right?

[00:03:37]You weren't you weren't making an effort to go to the wedding because you felt that you were more superior. You weren't putting on a nice dress to maybe go to the black tie event because you were appetite or you wanted attention. It was almost a form of respect. It was what you did to show that you cared. what you did to demonstrate that it mattered to you. Being there, turning up, socializing, being with the people who were there was important to you.

[00:04:03]Appearance communicated respect, preparation, self- discipline, and even awareness of context. Presentation was a form of non-verbal communication to demonstrate to the people that you knew what you were doing, right? You were knew what you were doing. I'm here for my job interview. I've got a suit on.

[00:04:19]You're going to take me seriously. The rise of social media, we have definitely seen a shift into the ideology that in order to be the most confident, best version of yourself, you have to not care what people think. Okay? Who cares what everybody thinks? Who cares about dress code? Who cares if you know the cultural norm is that we dress in this way in this environment? I'm going to do what I want. I'm going to do what makes me happy. I'm going to just do what I want and everybody can shove it. We've moved into a time where coming across as though you're trying makes you seem suspicious. Okay. What are you trying to prove? Who do you think you're better than? What do you think that you have that the rest of us don't have?

[00:05:04]>> All know those people that never want to get dressed and they don't want you to get dressed either. So when you do, they're like, "Oh my god, where are you going? Why are you so dressed up? Why are you wearing that?" And my response is always, "Why are you not?

[00:05:17]Why are you not? Because I am not gonna feel bad for like putting myself together, doing my makeup, doing my hair, picking out a cute outfit, wearing nice things, having nice things, being just put together in general. Like, I'm not going to apologize for it, even if it makes somebody else feel insecure. I do think social media had a role to play in this, but also our exposure to multi-millionaires and billionaires, right? So there was a time before social media where the idea of a billionaire was kind of maybe something you saw in a newspaper or a magazine. I think for a long time extreme levels of wealth was just related to the monarchy or royals, politicians maybe. For a long time money or extreme amounts of money were just linked to those type of people. And with social media growing in popularity, so did our exposure to people who had tons of money. So instead of maybe reading a book about somebody who was already wealthy or watching a film about somebody who was already wealthy, you could kind of just get on Instagram, [laughter] kind of get on Instagram, get on Tik Tok, get on YouTube and you can see maybe billionaires and multi-millionaires having interviews or showing people around their house or showing people around their office. our closeness or what we felt like our closeness was to these people seemed to shrink slightly. So, we felt a bit closer to them. We got to see how the billionaire dressed, how the multi-millionaire dressed. And I do think that there is some more work that we could do around our hypothesis around who really wealthy people are and what they do and what they don't do and how they dress and how they don't dress. The strict structured style that we once upon a time associated with wealth, very formal, very suitwearing, very in some ways conservative that we used to associate with extreme wealth. We've now moved to maybe seen as Steve Jobs or an Elon Musk. And we look at them and we're like, actually, actually, they wear t-shirts. They wear loungewear. They don't try too hard.

[00:07:38]They're outside looking unwashed, uncomed, right? So, what does it really mean to present well? It doesn't necessarily mean that you've got more.

[00:07:46]It doesn't necessarily mean that you're not rich because some of the rich people look like bums. So, if >> I look like a bum, I could technically be rich, too. I feel like there's lots of mental gymnastics that people do to kind of get themselves to a place where they feel as though I can just wear my pajamas everywhere, which I feel I do understand why some people might want to do that. We all love being comfy, but I do think that the part of the context of that conversation that is missing is that this can get in your way. It's not necessarily getting in the way of Steve Jobs or Elon Musk or politician A or politician B because they're already I mean they already have what they want, right? Within within reason, they already have the minions. Okay? So, we're comparing a person who already has what they want to ourselves in our beds working 9 to5s on an average wage. One is in my opinion not necessarily better than the other but the context of them is very much different. Okay. And so therefore the effects on our lives, the effects on our outcomes are very much different depending on context.

[00:08:55]Especially in the last few years, there's also been quite a lot of pushing of the the idea of quiet luxury. You know, wealth whispers. You're trying too hard. You're you know, you're putting on on lots of effort. You're brushing your teeth and washing your face. You know, rich people don't do that. Rich people don't care about their outfits. Rich people don't care about if they've got makeup on, if their hair is combed. They don't care about that stuff. So really, what are you trying to prove by caring to me? A lot of this stuff is just internet speak. Internet fairies that in real life outside actually do not apply.

[00:09:30]Yeah. Which is why we all need to get outside and we all need to socialize outside because when you're outside you realize that actually it does make a difference. What you wear, how you present makes a difference.

[00:09:41]>> Have you ever noticed that when you dress better, people treat you better?

[00:09:45]One of the easiest ways to channel your inner badass is to dress the part.

[00:09:50]You're also subliminally telling people how to treat you because I think it's really interesting how clothing can change the dynamics of interactions with other people.

[00:10:01]>> Again, depending on the context, right?

[00:10:03]So, the context is if I am maybe Oprah Winfrey, I am Oprah Winfrey. [sighs] So, if I want to go out, would I necessarily be thinking as much about my outfit or making a good impression on people if I'm Oprah Winfrey? probably not as much cuz they have had some exposure to me whether it's that they like me or not. They kind of have an idea of who I might be at least publicly. So I may feel like I don't need to try as hard.

[00:10:30]However, if I'm Joe Blogs and I'm going to meet new people, they have no idea who I am. So all they are going to do is look at me, right, and come up with judgments. So he's got holes in his shirt. Clearly can't afford a new shirt.

[00:10:45][laughter] Has that old hairstyle in, right? clearly doesn't have the time or willingness to go and get their hair sorted out. People just see you and they just come up with conclusions about who you are. Again, I don't think that this means that we have to hyperfocus on what these opinions are. However, I do think that there's a way that we could be using these opinions strategically. A lot of the conversation around quiet luxury or even the conversation around what rich people do, what rich people wear is a lot to do with like content creation and attention.

[00:11:16]And I think that society has shown that they do have an interest in impairing wellto-d do have an interest in maybe appearing to be luxurious or expensive.

[00:11:26]And in some ways I don't actually see a problem with that. I do think though that these decisions should be based in reality and not in social media land. If I'm somebody who maybe really enjoys wearing maybe more monotone colors, maybe low saturation colors, and I feel like that works for me, my best indication about whether that's that does actually work for me is what's happening outside. Like what's going on with my life? Does it feel authentic to me? Because even going the other extreme and being like, well, I think that this is associated with looking rich and so I am going to do those things even when they're inauthentic to me, also gets in your way, too. So there's almost like a balancing act that I think we could all be doing a better job at achieving where we're able to be authentic to ourselves where we're able to understand context, understand time and place, understand expectations, you know, be intentional with how we present ourselves all whilst not pretending to be someone we're not.

[00:12:30]Though I think partly because content like quiet luxury content has grown in popularity, I do think there has always been some of it. But some of people's perceptions around looking polished or taking care of yourself has moved towards identifying people as attention seeking or vain, pretentious or insecure because they're caring about their appearance. And actually some of what some people believe they're pushing against by saying, you know, I don't care what I look like. I'm going to wear what I want is exactly what they're doing to other people. [gasps] I might wear my moo everywhere because I don't care what people think of me. However, I I I also believe that people who choose to make an effort are vain and self-centered. We're literally doing exactly what we are trying to push against to other people. And this is where I think the conversation becomes personal because a lot of women aren't struggling because they don't have good taste. They're struggling because there is a gap between who they are internally and what their appearance communicates externally. Someone can be confident, intelligent, ambitious, but still feel like they're being read incorrectly. And that gap is something that can be analyzed. I absolutely don't think that looking intentional means the same thing as being fake. I often times do hear that too, right? So, you want to just turn up as you are because you don't want to be fake. The ability to adapt, in my opinion, does not mean that you are being fake. It means that you're smart. If you are parenting a child, do you have all of the conversations that you have with an adult with a child?

[00:14:02]Does that mean that you're being fake or does that mean that you understand context? Would you spill your heart out to the pizza guy? Does that mean you're you're being fake because you wouldn't let him know your personal troubles? No, it just means you understand that the pizza guy is here to deliver a pizza and he probably doesn't want to like turn into your therapist. So, I do think that society has gone slightly extreme with how they're positioning people who make an effort. And I actually I don't think that anybody necessarily has to make an effort. I think everybody should be free to do whatever they want. But a consequence of how society seems to be responding to people who do make an effort means that sometimes the girls are outside feeling as though they're just being super rebellious or that they are standing out sticking out like a sore thumb.

[00:14:49]>> And you want to know why it's not that hard to stand out these days? Because most people are too embarrassed to even look good. They're too embarrassed to put on heels, to do their makeup, to look polished, to literally be put together because they want to fit in because they're afraid of what people will say about them. if they have a full-on outfit. So, no, it's not that hard to stand out. Literally, people will wear sweats and [music] a hoodie just to avoid being judged >> or feeling bad about making an effort in general.

[00:15:14]>> I noticed a lot of people saying when they get ready and, you know, they dress really good, they feel uncomfortable around people that kind of dress like bums. They might get a >> Yeah, I think in 2026, right, for the most part, I don't know if it was because of CO or just the people the people aren't really going for it. Like the people just want to roll out of bed and go outside. That's what they want to do. And so depending on who you socialize with and where outside you are, sometimes it can feel as though you are in a minority if you are dressed up.

[00:15:47]I can see how for some people that can start to feel a bit uncomfortable if you feel like you're an outlier. However, I do think that what what's most important is that are you interpreting context appropriately? So, are you feeling uncomfortable because you're overdressed because you're wearing something that's inappropriate or are you feeling uncomfortable because everyone else is dressed inappropriately and you got the memo? Yeah. Which one is it?

[00:16:13]>> People looking at them, especially like women. You see women kind of looking down on them. It's all jealousy. Like >> I think sometimes people are jealous. I think a lot of a lot of what people feel about you has a lot to do with how they feel about themselves. I do think that is true. I do however think that there is space for feedback to be objectively assessed and not just put in the jealousy box cuz sometimes people are just like you don't need to wear that hair like you should not be wearing that hair. It's not just that you are overdressed is that you are inappropriately dressed. And so I actually think that having a clearer distinction helps. If you just look great, you feel great, you look great.

[00:16:52]Most of the time that's fairly easy to identify because that has a lot to do with your relationship with yourself. So let's say for example, you've been in the gym, you've been eating clean, you've been reading books, you've been outside socializing, and you feel great, right? And then you get dressed and you go outside and people have comments about you or their body language is kind of giving a vibe. I would put that in jealousy box. Okay. Because I know what I'm doing. Okay. Yeah, I know what I'm doing. I know the work I've been putting into myself. I've been able to objectively assess myself. I got dressed, looked at myself, and thought, could anything change? Could anything be better? I think that makes sense, right?

[00:17:31]Jealousy box. However, I do think that there's another box in which maybe you are not doing any work on yourself.

[00:17:39]Maybe you're not trying to be a better person. Maybe you're not exercising.

[00:17:43]Maybe you're not trying to eat clean.

[00:17:45]Maybe maybe maybe you've gone and maybe had a bit of surgery. Maybe maybe you're wearing an outfit that you've convinced yourself looks great on you and you have looked in the mirror and you just thought that looks great and you haven't been able to critically think about yourself and then you're outside. Maybe that is it's inappropriate. Okay. and less to do with jealousy because I think when you genuinely invest in yourself, you can sense it in people's aura. And when you are pretending to be confident by maybe dressing hypersexually or by maybe dressing inappropriately, people can also sense that. That doesn't make people feel jealous. That makes people feel annoyed. They want you to go away.

[00:18:28]That makes people feel annoyed. And telling yourself that it's jealousy does not help you because then you're not able to address it.

[00:18:33]>> You should be happy that you're taking up space. They want you to be like blended. Yeah, I think take up space. I think yes, absolutely.

[00:18:40]>> them so they don't see you as a threat or they don't like you don't have all the attention. Just know that they are insecure because when you're secure, it could be you and another girl that looks just like you 10 out of 10 and you won't care. You're like, "Wow, she's wearing >> I mean, I love being around pretty girls, guys. I love it." Okay, so I can relate to that in that if you are happy, it's very very hard to waste your time thinking about other people. It becomes quite difficult to think about other people and their lives and what they've got going on in their lives and how what they've got going on in their lives might reflect on you or what it means to you. Like you're busy. You're busy.

[00:19:20]Okay? You you're busy. You got a happy life. You're going to the gym. You're eating clean. You've got goals. You've got aims. You've got ambitions. So, when you're outside, the focus is having fun.

[00:19:29]Focus isn't on what other people have on or how you think someone else thinks about themselves.

[00:19:34]>> An amazing dress. Wow, her hair is so nice. Why? Because I'm wearing a nice outfit and my hair is so nice, too. It doesn't bother me that she's looking good. Because I know I look good as well. Take up space. Learn to take up space. Sometimes when I get that feeling, too, cuz I do always get ready.

[00:19:50]I'll always just say in my head, I'm allowed to be perfect. I'm allowed to be perfect. It's okay. I'm allowed to be perfect. I know I've definitely experienced it at certain times of my life. Sometimes it can be a bit daunting, you know, standing out, but sometimes sometimes you just you're just going to stand out, guys. Sometimes sometimes what you got what you've got going on, right? Once you optimize what you've got going on just grabs people's attention. And it's more about just giving consideration to how you might navigate that, which my approach is usually use my manners, be polite, be kind, be gracious, and keep moving. And that usually works. Sometimes we just think, "Wo, I shouldn't look good. I shouldn't like try to stand out." I >> I mean, I don't ever get dressed feeling that I want to stand out, but I do get dressed hoping to look my best. So, I think, what what else are we here for, guys? Life is short. Okay. So, what else are we here for? We're here to optimize and do the thing as best as we can do the thing. So every time you go outside, it's yeah, I'm going to I'm going to I'm going to turn myself up within reason, within the context appropriate to the dress code, you know, with all those things in mind. I'm going to turn myself up. And if it gets a bit of attention, that's just affirming that what I'm doing is working. Oh, you think I look nice? You think I look pretty absolutely perfect, you know, cuz that's what I was going for.

[00:21:10]>> No, it's okay to stand out. Continue continuously tell yourself it's okay to stand out. They don't want to stand out, but I want to stand out.

[00:21:17]I do think that the conversation around context very much matters, guys. If you watch any of my other videos, you know that I find this to be more important than whether you look nice. Because you can look nice and be in the wrong place.

[00:21:30]You can look nice and have great style and be in the wrong place, be ineffective for that audience, and it doesn't matter. So, what's most important is context. So, we've got a lady talking about her outfit in Paris.

[00:21:44]I literally got told off by some random French woman to have more respect for myself because of the way I dress.

[00:21:50]>> Okay, so first it sounds like somebody told her verbally abusing people is wrong. Okay, however, if you are out and somebody has got to a point where they are vocalizing very loud to you and there they are a stranger that what you've got on is a problem. This means that we're way off the mark. We're way way way way off the mark. Does this mean the person is right to do that to you? No. It's it's very rude, actually. It's it's it's the wrong thing to do. They shouldn't be doing that. However, if they've gone to that point, it means that you your outfit is is very much out of context. And you may think to yourself, you know what? What does it matter if it's out of context? I want to wear what I want to wear. I understand that. And for those people, if you don't have anything you want to achieve or you don't necessarily care about going abroad and maybe being treated well or any of those things, then I think that people should wear what they want, right? But if you are somebody who's maybe considering how your appearance might be affecting how people treat you or perceive you, then one of the ways to kind of get an understanding of what's going on is paying attention to people's responses to you. Not even just verbal responses, but even nonverbal communication because people give it away all the time. Right?

[00:23:07]When you're somewhere dressed in something that is inappropriate, as in not the cultural norm, people will find a way to tell you. And sometimes, usually it's non-verbal, sometimes they're just going to scream at you.

[00:23:19]>> This is what I'm wearing in 32° heat, by the way.

[00:23:22]>> Okay. So, she says it's 32°. She's in Paris and she's basically got on like a a a crop top or a bralette and some lowrise trousers. I think that it's really important that we do our research about where we're going. Okay. I think it's really important that we do our research about where we're going, especially if we're traveling internationally. is really important to give consideration to the fact that you know how people might dress in 32° degree weather where you are may not be how on average people dress wherever you're going in 32° heat right I am absolutely not offended by seeing anybody's body that doesn't bother me cuz I know that's also a conversation like our body shouldn't be made criminal what's the big deal about a naval all right or and and a belly right but in some cultures being this revealed build is inappropriate for what it looks like she's getting on a train. Maybe this would be okay at a beach club. Maybe this would be okay by the pool. Maybe this would be okay at home with friends and family. But maybe in Parisian culture, this is too undressed. And I do know that some people also make it about like age, like maybe older people or older women having a problem and so it's just their problem because they're jealous. And then I need us to remember the jealous conversation. Like sometimes it's not always about jealousy.

[00:24:46]Sometimes, especially with older people, sometimes they're just able to see what you can't right now. They've had enough life experience or more life experience, which means that they're able to understand context or understand what is expected more than you. Because I also think that because of social media, we all feel as though we have an opinion [laughter] and our opinion is right. Right.

[00:25:14]And I'm laughing because I'm here sharing my opinion. And I do think it's right, but sometimes we're not always right. And social media sometimes has meant that we're we struggle with correction. And you may feel I you know, I don't I don't want a stranger to correct me. Who are they to correct me?

[00:25:30]But a lot of life has to do with unsaid agreements that you have with people that you don't know. If you live in a community, let's say you live in a community, you take out your bins on a particular day and you put it in a certain place and somebody comes to collect it, right? That may not be an agreement that you've all signed paper to say, "Yeah, we we are all going to put our bins in this order for it to be picked up." But you have an unsaid agreement. Even things like littering, people in certain communities might have an unsaid agreement. I know that there might be signs and stuff, but people still have to agree that we're not going to we're not going to litter. Okay? So, then there's no litter. So, a lot of the decisions that we make when we're just moving through life in general, have a lot to do with unsaid agreements. Okay?

[00:26:15]And so, maybe lady who's screaming, which isn't appropriate, but lady who's screaming at you is trying to tell you like the unsaid agreement we have here is that we're we're not dressing like this, right? We we just we're not going to do that.

[00:26:28]>> Yes, it might be a bit revealing.

[00:26:30]>> She looks she doesn't look bad, right?

[00:26:32]She says yes, she may be revealing. So I a lot of the time we know we might [clears throat] say okay well what's the big deal? She says what's the big deal?

[00:26:39]But it may be a bit revealing. So you know it's revealing then you know. So sometimes we have to also trust our intuition.

[00:26:45]>> I feel good and I look good as well. Why can't I >> feel good and you look good? Sometimes it's not about that. Sometimes, one, we're going to go through life, a lot of things don't feel good and we have to do them anyway. Two, I do think that there is a relationship between how we feel and how we look, right? But I don't know that the connection has to be so tight that we can't control our urges to just do what we want all the time. I might feel my best wearing a red dress. Am I going to wear a red dress everywhere?

[00:27:18]No. No, I'm not. Even though it makes me feel good, even though I feel great, even though I feel like I look good, am I going to wear this red dress everywhere? I'm not. If she wanted to wear this outfit and maybe she wanted to feel good in this outfit, maybe just a different context. It doesn't mean you It doesn't mean you can never wear it again. It doesn't mean you should never wear it because you're offending someone. You just need to find the right environment. And she says she looks good. She says she looks good, which a lot of the time I actually don't think is is is much of the conversation in that sometimes people are reacting to us not necessarily based on whether we look good or not.

[00:27:58]>> I wish I filmed her because that was insane.

[00:28:01]>> Okay, so she wants to carry it with confidence, which I think is important to always be confident. However, I do think it's always helpful to be considerate of critique. And this is why I created my identity and perception audit because I realized many women don't actually need more fashion advice.

[00:28:18]They need clarity. They need to understand why am I being perceived this way and what is my appearance communicating. This work is not about buying expensive clothes or following trends. It's about creating consistency between your identity and your presentation. For women who want deeper support, my identity overhaul program allows us to work through that transformation over a period of weeks.

[00:28:39]Because looking put together isn't about seeking approval. It's about making sure that the person people see is aligned with the person you know yourself to be.

[00:28:47]So I do think that society seems to be having a strange relationship with people who are attempting to look put together. I do know that we have definitely in the west experienced some cultural changes especially following the pandemic and the rise in at leisure fashion and also movements that have encouraged people to just present as they are and not worry about what anyone else thinks. But as a result, I think that sometimes it's getting in our way.

[00:29:15]you know, the girls are going to interviews. They're not dressing formally. They're maybe wearing something that's a bit more revealing or they're going to prom and they're wearing outfits that are very very revealing. Actually, I was going to do a video about prom guys, but I don't I don't I don't want to feature any children on my channel. However, I have seen that sometimes we're not really dressing appropriately for the occasion.

[00:29:39]In real life, outside appearance affects first impressions, credibility, leadership perception, and even social assumptions. And so, I think the focus should be less on whether you care about what people think of what you wear or not, and more about are you giving the impression that you intend and is it getting you to where you want to be? Do you think that dressing well is a form of rebellion? How do you approach dressing for the occasion, style, and fashion? You can let me know down in the comments down below. Don't forget to hype up the video, like, comment, and subscribe. And I'll see you in my next one. Bye.