7 Things We Did To Blend Our Household As An Indian-American Couple

[00:00:00]Like one big adjustment for me has been calling your mom and dad mom and dad.

[00:00:04]>> Yeah.

[00:00:05]>> Which is such it's still very interesting to me, but I'm happy to do it. But it was a bit of a change [laughter] for me when I first started doing it.

[00:00:11]>> Billions of people follow this rule.

[00:00:14]Shoes at the door. Don't you dare walk into this house with your shoes on.

[00:00:20]>> I'm excited to decorate our house for Never 3 season. And same for Christmas.

[00:00:24]We love You love putting up the Christmas tree. So you're like, "Okay, we're putting up the Christmas tree.

[00:00:29]It's December. It's after Thanksgiving.

[00:00:30]We're putting it up. And so that just makes me feel special that you appreciate it.

[00:00:34]>> It was like 3 weeks into our marriage.

[00:00:36]Hie's like, I want a I want a cat. And I'm like, hie, we just got married. I hope nobody's like watching this that's been in our house because I'm going to say something right now where what does it take to build a home out of two cultures. Today we're giving you the real list of seven things that we did to blend our Indian-American household.

[00:00:53]Let's get into it. Halfpass crew.

[00:00:55]>> Welcome to Halfpass Ch.

[00:01:02]Guys, welcome back to another episode of Ask Joe. We're your hosts. My name is K2. My name is Hie. If you can't already tell, we're a married interracial couple. And that's what we talk about on this podcast. We talk about being an interracial couple. We talk about relationships in general. And then we get questions from you because you guys go to www.bjai.com.

[00:01:18]We're using your questions and stories.

[00:01:21]We release new podcast episodes every single Monday at 7 a.m. So if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe, like this video, and if you're on Spotify, Apple podcast, you can give us five stars and then you can follow the pod. So then you get notified at 7 a.m.

[00:01:34]every single Monday. Have pass group settle in, get cozy, and grab your cha drained.

[00:01:41]>> Do have cha this time.

[00:01:42]>> It is gone.

[00:01:43]>> We uh we drank it before we even pressed play.

[00:01:46]>> We did. So this whole episode is pointless. Just kidding. Happy Monday, everyone. We are so happy that you're here. Thank you so much on whatever day you're tuning tuning in to us. Whether it be Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, whatever day, we are so happy that you're here. One of the biggest things that we love to share our experience in is blending our lives as an Indian-American couple because that can come with some tricky circumstances, as one might say. There are some challenges. There are some differences.

[00:02:14]There are some understandings on both sides. And there are always not compromises in a bad way, but learnings and compromises in a good way that you really kind of take on as you get into a multicultural relationship.

[00:02:27]>> And you don't realize some of the things that automatically happen as well. So, we're going to go through all seven of these things. Number one, we're holding it in our hand right now, which is chai.

[00:02:40]This is something that Allie never drank in her life before me. And she never drank it. Even after meeting me, even after knowing me for like six years, she never drank chai.

[00:02:50]>> That almost feels illegal.

[00:02:51]>> But once we moved in together, what'd you do?

[00:02:55]>> I learned to make it, everybody. I learned. I learned from watching. I learned from tasting it. I learned from experiencing it. Chai is an experience.

[00:03:05]It's not just a beverage. That's one thing people get twisted. It's more than that. It is our daily ritual. It is drinking it together. It is enjoying it.

[00:03:13]It is having snacks with it. It's having barlay. It's having nice times. It's all the things. And so I put this as number one because I felt that this was most important to address with you all that I wasn't a tea or coffee drinker really before we got married, which sounds crazy to say because now it's such a big part of my life in chai, obviously, in coffee, all the things. And so this is probably my favorite one that we've really kind of adapted and brought into our household together because you love it, I love it, Sylvie, she's never had it, but she had it, she would love it, so we're all happy.

[00:03:47]>> Speaking of Sylvie, we got a pet and that is very not Indian to me. Okay, because my parents would never get a pet and most of the Indian families that I've met don't have pets. There are some out there, especially like in in America, it's getting more popular.

[00:04:04]people in India in bigger cities, pets are becoming more popular. It's usually like a small little white dog. I always see that. There's a lot of those out there. But, uh, it's still not a popular thing. So, when Hie when we got married and Hie was it was like 3 weeks into our marriage, H's like, I want a I want a cat. And I'm like, hie, we just got married. I don't think a animal is good for us right now. All right. Anyways, one day goes by, Hie brings a cat home.

[00:04:36]>> That's not how it went. And you know that's not how it went. You fell in love with her. That's why she's here.

[00:04:42]>> We went to go see Sylvie and she sat in between us. Here's a picture.

[00:04:47]>> The rest is history.

[00:04:48]>> The rest is history. We got a pet. Her name is Sylvie. She's great.

[00:04:53]>> She's not a pet. She's our daughter.

[00:04:54]>> She taught me a lot about caring for something. when Sylvie gives unconditional love as well. And so it is kind of cool to experience that.

[00:05:08]There's some people who will never experience it and that's fine. But it was a compromise that we made. It was a great compromise. I think that this is a cultural thing here in America to have a pet. Most people do have pets. Like if you go out see pe like everybody's got a dog or a cat or something, right? It's just a normal thing here. Um, and I was just not used to it. And we when we got married, this is something that that happened.

[00:05:33]>> Yeah. I think this is one people might be like, "Oh, well, why, you know, like that's not that big a thing." But it kind of is because it was a real point of contention between us for a while.

[00:05:42]I'd grown up only really having animals, having dogs. We had one cat a long time ago, and I was leaving a house full of two dogs whom I loved very, very, very much. And so for me, I was like, "What the heck? Why are we not going to have an animal? This is just something that I'm used to. I've lived here forever.

[00:06:01]And like that's just something I've done. All my friends who grew up in America have always had pets. And I would argue to say that really is a cultural thing because in some other countries, it's really not popular at all. Like dogs in India or street dogs.

[00:06:14]It's rare that you would find anyone that has a dog as a pet. It's changing now. It's becoming a lot more common now, at least from where you're from. So I won't speak to all of India, but >> in America, like 90% of people have pets. It's rare that you meet somebody that doesn't have a pet. So, this was a big topic of conversation when we first got married and before we were getting married because it was hard for me to be here. Even the few weeks that we were here, just us two, it felt so empty until we got Sylvie. And so, everything changed when we got Sylvie.

[00:06:45]>> Number three is shoes off at the door.

[00:06:48]This is super Asian. Like, all Asians know this. Like, it doesn't it's not even an Indian thing. This is an Asian thing. Billions of people follow this rule. Shoes at the door. Don't you dare walk into this house with your shoes on.

[00:07:04]I don't know why this is so crazy to people, but like why would you?

[00:07:11]You're stepping on poop. You're stepping on pee out there. You're stepping on grass. You're stepping on like for the people who live in New York City and they walk in their own apartment with shoes on >> on the carpet. On the carpet. I do not understand how you live in that. Okay, I'm not talking down to you, but what the heck is going on in your house? I I just don't get it. And Hie used to walk in her house with shoes on. Okay, so this is a this is something that she didn't wasn't used to, but immediately like within seconds, she was like, "Yeah, let's not do that."

[00:07:49]I hate to I I'm not going to generalize all of America, but a lot of that was just a normal thing.

[00:07:55]>> No, all of America wears shoes in their house.

[00:07:57]>> That's not true. That is not true.

[00:08:00]>> I did and I am ashamed to admit it. It almost feels taboo to admit that. I hate admitting that. I don't understand it now, but like back then that just like wasn't something I I thought about. And that sounds crazy because why why would I not think about that? and I'm wearing my outside shoes in the house. Like I Oh my gosh, there are so many people that I follow on Instagram that are running influencers and they wear their running outfits all over their carpet and just like their beige carpet, their white carpet, and it's like so visibly dirty and I'm like, "What are you doing?" I was that way back then. I'm a changed woman now and I can't even imagine like stepping This is going too far. I literally have so many problems. Like if somebody I have no problem now telling people that hey mind taking your shoes off. I really appreciate that. You know we'd like to keep our house really clean because the outside world is really nasty and bringing all that in here is just freaking gross. Also I hope nobody's like watching this that's been in our house because I'm going to say something right now where our exit to the house which is the front door is Why did I say exit? I don't know. the exit.

[00:09:10][laughter] >> The front door is it doesn't have carpet in front of the front door, but like if you take three steps to the right, there is carpet. And so many people will come into this house and they take off their shoes. They're great. And then as they're leaving, they'll put on their shoes and step into the carpet. And I'm just like, what? Like, how does that not feel uncomfortable to you? that and when people like the our stairs are right next to the front door that they don't fully want to lean down sometimes people put their foot on the stairs >> guys you have no idea how quickly I'm vacuuming after people leaving and mopping >> me and Hie literally when that happens me and Hie lock eyes we just like go like this >> and it's almost like I don't want to like ah it's such a hard position to be in because I understand that that's not important to everybody and like they like I didn't used to think about it, right? I It's really not a big deal. A lot of people to a lot of people, it's not a big deal. However, in somebody else's house, it's it's like hard. I don't I'm not going to be that person to be like, "What are you doing?" You know, like, "It's fine. I'll clean it up. I'll deal with it. It's not that big a deal."

[00:10:24][snorts] >> Should we put a sign on our door that says, "Please take off your shoes at the door."

[00:10:28]>> Truthfully, it overwhelms me to have people over because I don't like being that person to be like, "Oh, take your shoes off. Don't walk in here." Like I would never I would never do that. You know what I mean?

[00:10:39]>> Yeah.

[00:10:39]>> I just I don't know. I just hope that >> anyone who goes into anyone's houses, you just do whatever they tell you to do. All right. There that's that. That's simple >> and it's really not that deep.

[00:10:50]>> We went on a lot for that one because it means a lot to us. Um number four, celebrating both sets of holidays. These are great. Like we celebrate Easter, we celebrate Christmas. We also celebrate Diwali. We also celebrate going to Garba. We celebrate do it.

[00:11:05]>> Okay. There's more holidays than just Dvali.

[00:11:07]>> Well, we go to we we have holy we have all kinds of things that we decorate the house for. So like for example, we have a whole bucket of stuff that has spring stuff in it, but there's also Easter stuff in there. And then we have a whole bucket of Christmas stuff. We have a whole bucket of Dvali decorations. And so that is something that isn't that hard to do. I think a lot of people there's more holidays to celebrate. Hey, that's fun. I think that's something that people are like, how do you handle that? Well, they never fall on the same day, so that helps. And it's pretty simple.

[00:11:40]>> Even if they did, we could do a fusion decor of both of them. But this one is something that I think just will make your significant other feel really seen.

[00:11:50]You know, I love I was just thinking the other day, I'm excited to decorate our house for Never 3 season and all of the stuff that we have. It just feels so colorful and vibrant and I love it. And same for Christmas. We love You love putting up the Christmas tree. I don't love it that much because my birthday is the day before. So, you're like, "Okay, we're putting up the Christmas tree.

[00:12:10]It's December. It's after Thanksgiving.

[00:12:12]We're putting it up." And so, that just makes me feel special that you appreciate it. And I hope that you also feel special that I love to celebrate >> holidays of all kinds.

[00:12:21]>> Yeah, it's fun. It's a really fun time.

[00:12:23]You should definitely >> come over anytime, >> but take your shoes off.

[00:12:27]>> Yeah, take your shoes off, >> please. Um, number five, we blend our cuisine. So, this is something that >> is I think the most exciting for me because I come from a house where all we ate was bad, right? And it's just very same food every day. And it's not a bad thing, but I think it's just we never like switched it up. And when we did switch it up, it was just Mexican food.

[00:12:49]And that's fine, but like it's very similar every single time. Whereas like Hie introduced me to so much. For example, turkey burgers. Guys, these are had turkey.

[00:13:02]>> Never had turkey burgers. Turkey and chicken are the same thing. So, it's pretty much the same thing. Anyways, um we also have like bowls like chicken bowls and like salmon bowls. So good. So amazing. Those are my favorite meals ever.

[00:13:19]>> Um but then we also have Indian [clears throat] food. For example, our breakfast sometimes we'll do like boha or something like that and then sometimes we make butter chicken. That's always really amazing.

[00:13:33]>> That sounds so basic. What else do I make? Please.

[00:13:35]>> You also make samosas and um kamar. You make all kinds of things.

[00:13:41]>> And I've been working on something.

[00:13:43]>> Tiplas. Hie makes tiplas. Guys, [laughter] when we travel, we don't have to go eat $50 worth of McDonald's or anything like that. We don't eat McDonald's, but we don't eat $50 worth of outdoor food or airport food because we just take tiplas.

[00:13:57]>> Call me Halib Ben.

[00:13:58]>> Yeah, [laughter] exactly. Anything else about food?

[00:14:01]>> No, I love this one. Um, I know I've talked about this on the podcast before, but I remember the first time I tried Indian food, anything. It was paneer tikka masala. That was 2018, which is freaking crazy. I'd never tried it before. And it like exploded my world.

[00:14:17]>> It was so good. I remember trying that for the first time and I thought, "Oh my gosh, what have I been missing out on this? These flavors just how you you have rice, you have naan, you have garlic naan, you have uh roti, you have uh paratha, you have like all these things like oh my gosh, this is my dream. It tastes good. You can have it spicy. You can and that's when I started liking spicy food, too. So that's when I really started incorporating different flavors into things that I would make and adding like a little bit of like a a dy twist to it. I would say >> it was amazing. I remember that specific like when fell in love with Indian food, she started to like start to experiment with it. It was awesome. It was great.

[00:15:03]>> Yeah, I felt like I was in Ratatouille just trying things out, you know, experimenting with foods.

[00:15:08]>> Number six, we have a mund and a Bible upstairs, guys. They're both just sitting next to each other. It's a crazy concept to some, but guess what?

[00:15:17][laughter] It's not that hard to have both in the house. Um, this one's pretty simple, but like I've always had a Monday in my house. It's like a place that people have a place to pray in the house. And then, you know, a Bible is a Bible.

[00:15:32]>> I've always had a Bible in the house, everybody.

[00:15:35]>> Yeah. And so, it's just Yeah. There's nothing to that one. It's just when we moved in, we all had both. But I think just addressing it and knowing that it's okay to celebrate both cultures and religions and like that can be in one household and that's okay. Let's normalize that because some people think it's crazy. Um people who aren't in that kind of relationship think it's crazy.

[00:15:55]So just wanted to remind you guys that it is normal that you can still be together as a couple, celebrate each other, be two different religions and still make it work.

[00:16:04]>> Yeah. I think there's um a lot of people out there who see religion as like an extreme side of things and we're not that. I would say I'm not an extreme extremist when it comes to religion >> because yeah, I agree.

[00:16:21]>> There's a lot of that out there and the people who are that can't handle stuff like this. So, just wanted to put that out there.

[00:16:29]>> Yeah, thank you for putting that out there. [clears throat] I agree. Um, >> number seven, we stay close with our families. That's a big one. All right.

[00:16:38]We always we are fortunate enough to have parents that live 10 minutes from each other. So, if we go see one pair pair of parents, then we can see the other one as well, which helps out a lot, >> which is really nice. And we wanted to include this one because our parents made us who we are. Our families made us who we are. And the fact that we're lucky enough that they live in state and very close to each other or to us is such a blessing that so many people don't have. And so it's very important to us to stay close with our families, to go to dinners, to have lunch together, to just go over and talk and hang out. And if either of our parents need our help with something, we can go do that, which is super nice for us. And we have family group chats. We've got WhatsApp, we've got regular iMessage, we've got all the things so that we're constantly in communication. Yeah, this one's a pretty simple one. I mean, as long as you love each other, you should put effort into loving their families as well.

[00:17:32]>> Yes. And calling them by the name that they want you to call them. Like, one big adjustment for me has been calling your mom and dad mom and dad.

[00:17:41]>> Yeah.

[00:17:42]>> Which is such It's still very interesting to me, but I'm happy to do it. But it was a bit of a change for me when I first started doing it because I call my own mom and dad mom and dad. And then I never really knew what to call your parents before we got married cuz like do I say auntie? I don't think that you you're like I don't know. And so that wasn't helpful to me at all.

[00:18:03]>> I've never been put in that situation before. [laughter] I just call her parents Mike and Tammy.

[00:18:07]>> Well, one thing that's very interesting is that you whenever I say, "Oh, should I say Jesse Krishna to your parents?"

[00:18:15]You're like, "No, why not?"

[00:18:17]>> I think my family is very different than typical Gujarati families just because we aren't like typical.

[00:18:26]We don't say the things that good Gujarati people would say. Like for example, I don't say like my sister's like I don't say men after my sister's name. So like for example, if I I have a sister, her name is Dada. I don't say dada ben. I just say dada. And so [laughter] it's very >> But some call you sukub by.

[00:18:48]>> Well, suku is like my nickname. Everyone calls me suku. No one says sukubai.

[00:18:52]>> I've heard. Okay. It's either suku or by. I guess it's not.

[00:18:56]>> Yeah. Yeah. Like my s some of my sisters were coming by. And so I think that is something that we never grew up saying.

[00:19:03]So then we also don't we never grew up saying either. But like we were told to do that to elders or when we went over to somebody's house. So we do that to that but not to our immediate family which I don't know sometimes it's different. Sometimes my mom's like says it to Hie but she doesn't say it to me.

[00:19:23]>> So like Hie will come in she's like okay Jessica and then Hie will say it back but like >> that's because Halie's new.

[00:19:31]>> She's a new face.

[00:19:32]>> I'm new. Yeah.

[00:19:33]>> No, I just think that I have a really special relationship with both my mothers. So >> yeah, >> there's that. I think you're just a little jealous. Well, there it is. I I always run wondered when I was a kid like, you know, should I start calling my sisters Ben and I never changed it. I just kept calling them by their first names. And so now it's just hard for me to switch over to that.

[00:19:56]>> You should do it randomly. No, you should do it. And they'll be like, >> "What?

[00:20:00]>> One day I'm going to one day I'm going to kick Hie off the podcast and I'm going to have all three of my sisters on. I'm going to interview them."

[00:20:06]>> Could you imagine? They would say so many funny things about you. That would be so good.

[00:20:11]>> I I don't know. I think some of my sisters would be very nervous to be on the podcast, [laughter] but it'd be fun.

[00:20:19]Let me know down in the comments if you would be interested in that. Maybe I can bribe them somehow.

[00:20:23]>> Bribe?

[00:20:24]>> Yeah, I'd have to bribe them. Are you kidding me? They wouldn't do that for free. The [laughter] >> Damn.

[00:20:29]>> They would. What are you talking about?

[00:20:31]>> They'd be like, "Hey, you're buying me dinner after, right?" I hope they don't see this. [laughter] Okay, question for you guys. If you're in a blended cultural relationship, uh, what's one thing that surprised you most about merging your worlds? Please leave it down in the comments below. Send this to somebody who's in a blended relationship.

[00:20:50]I love you all, guys. Thank you so much for watching Halfp Pass Crew. We have some links in the description below. We are going to be running the New York City Marathon this November, and we are both raising money for two different charities. I am doing it for Team for Kids. Hie's doing it for therapist Beyond Borders. We would, it would mean the world to us if you could support us in those two uh very amazing fundraisers. So, links are down below.

[00:21:11]Thank you again, Halfp Pass Drew. We love you. Thank you so much for watching. We'll see you next Monday at Halfpast.

[00:21:23]>> I'm going to eat now. I'm hungry.

[00:21:25]>> H's hungry. Hel's very hungry. And so am I. And so is Sylvia. Sylvia, that dang animal in the house. Don't call her an animal. She's so much more than that.