The Gamification of Human Connection

[00:00:02][music] [music] I want to have a real conversation today about dating. Now, obviously, everyone knows the dating market is trash. It's cooked. No one really finds anybody for love anymore. It's more for resources as well as experiences. That very well may be a generalization. However, that's the only thing that people post online. So, that's what it seems like. And then when you take into account the way that people are meeting these days through the internet, that just solidifies it.

[00:00:49]But more specifically, I want to speak on the gamification of human interaction and connection when it comes to dating.

[00:00:54]the fact that we all look to pixels on a screen in order to find the love of our life. Or at least that's what we think.

[00:01:00]It's not just the fact that we're meeting through online, through dating apps, through social media, but more so the weird reality where we have to pay a subscription or pay for premium just to remove swiping limits to get the full visibility of all incoming likes. Like, what kind of [ __ ] is that? Or the idea of passport mode. What is that? Why is that even a thing? It sounds temporary.

[00:01:19]Something that's just fueling the hookup culture that we already have. It's not that there's a connection there. It's that there's a body there. There's someone there, somebody that I could sleep with and possibly have something more with, but more so the idea of, well, there's another person and I can use that other person. You really have to get into the psychology of this stuff. For example, what's the point of knowing somebody's height, their star sign, their exercise level, their education, their vices and habits? You shouldn't necessarily care about any of that stuff on first interaction. If you genuinely met somebody in real life, you wouldn't know this information. So, why is that the first thing you see when you tap on somebody's profile? That's something that you should figure out on the first date when you first get to know this person. The gamification of dating apps just makes it easier to swipe left or swipe right. It was never about human connection. It's about simplifying the process of meeting somebody, but it's not genuine. It's not for family or something more. It's just simply for people to hook up. This is a scop if I've ever heard of one. I mean, dating apps literally have a character creation screen like in an RPG game. We are forcing complex and nuanced individuals into prepackaged commodified labels. Does that not scare you? Now, I'm not saying that you should date anyone and everyone, but still, the way that we're interacting, the way that we're first meeting, the fact that when I first laid eyes on you, it was a filtered picture. It wasn't even in real life. It's not the real you. No wonder the dating market is so trash. People genuinely don't know how to connect with each other because everything is gamified and commodified.

[00:02:43][music] >> [music] >> Let's see if I can get a match on Tinder. Starting off strong. He likes me. D chains. I don't know what that means. I'm going with the flow. I'm going to barf. Going with the flow. That means no direction. I love that he has a cat. Don't love that he's a smoker. You on the spectrum. What? Oh, girl. I don't know what that means. He has this picture. I don't know what that is. No.

[00:03:17]Okay. The me exposition. Recently separated. I'm looking for anything serious. Dating is not a goal. Bonus points for PhD or teaching me new stuff.

[00:03:25]I feel like that scene in stepmom. No, that's your job. No. Okay. Matt, I love a man in blue collar. I'm 6'5 and it's my personality. Have kids. No, I won't pay your bills. I don't pay for some cat either. I can't stand men with opinions, let alone ones that don't be useful.

[00:03:37]Hold on. Hold on. Hold on. Still figuring an ethical nominogamy polyamory. Open relationship. I have children and want more. Oh my god, Chad.

[00:03:45]Okay. Gym self-care. Still figuring it out. 6'2 doesn't smoke. And you're a cancer. Okay. Let me think. Compared to what we've seen. H. It's a yes for me.

[00:03:54]Let's see if it's a match. We'll see.

[00:03:57]We'll see.

[00:03:58]>> Maybe he's better in person, but like I'm made with 90% boyfriend material and 10% polyester. It's so warm and comfy.

[00:04:03]You should try it on sometime. And I go, something tells me it's going to fit just right. Is that sexual? I didn't mean to be. Do you think he meant it like that? Whatever. We were talking about clothes, though. I'm just going to be like, with this one, I don't really care. I don't really need help. You know when you kind of like someone, you're like, "Okay, wait. I have to say the perfect thing." [laughter] He's six foot, so like, "Sure, let's go on a date with him." Wait, date Saturday.

[00:04:19]>> I don't have one yet.

[00:04:20]>> Okay, we're finding one. He said, "Hey, Bridget. How's it going? Is your hair color currently red?"

[00:04:24]>> Yes, my current hair color is red. Is your current hair color red? [laughter] >> No, he's annoying.

[00:04:29]>> I figured from all your pictures, but thought I'd ask and check. Haha. Girl, what is that a problem? He's not fun.

[00:04:34]Yeah, but he's hot. Is he? Let's see.

[00:04:36]He's nice. There's like Feta. Who's Fed up? Who's Feta? His name spelled backwards is Feta. He was like, "Did you know your name spelled backwards is Tangri and that's my grandma's name."

[00:04:44][laughter] >> Why do I want to name my next dog Feta now?

[00:04:47]>> It's all a game. Are you kidding me? I really want you guys to understand this.

[00:04:51]This is not genuine. This is like people who are at a buffet just looking at what they want. And the fact that it sort of kind of sounds good. It's kind of calling my name. Eh, I'll taste it. But more than likely, I'm going to throw it away. There's so much to get into here.

[00:05:04]There's so many critiques I can make, but plain and simply, what happened to authenticity? If you really wanted to know this person, why don't you call them? Why don't you talk to them face to face, at least on FaceTime? And this is what you have to understand. That was never the point. The culture around dating [music] apps that was directly caused by dating apps and also what people started to do because of them is all based in self-obsession. It's all about you. The I, me, mine. I mean, the sheer fact that ghosting even exists is due to this false infinite amount of options when it comes to dating partners on dating apps. You think just because you have all these likes and matches that there's another fish in the sea.

[00:05:37]But in all reality, there isn't. It's all just an illusion. You'll get ghosted or unmatched just as fast as you do it to somebody else. It's this weird cycle.

[00:05:46]And this is how you know dating apps are disingenuous. And this time, people can meet all these different people that they would have never met 20 or 30 years ago. And because they see it on their screen, they feel like that's reality.

[00:05:57]They feel like they can build a roster.

[00:05:58]They feel like they can date multiple men or multiple women every day of the week. But what is that really doing to you mentally, emotionally? What is that doing to your soul? You're not dating to find the best man or best woman. You're dating to find the person with the perfect compatibility when it comes to what's on paper, what's quantifiable, but you don't necessarily know what these people's personalities and characters are going to be like in real life. You don't know if you're actually going to be compatible with this person.

[00:06:22]Just because you have similar views and hobbies, and you might just be the correct star sign doesn't mean that this person is for you. And the fact that you even had to get on a dating app to begin with screams desperation. Do you even know yourself? Are you even self-aware?

[00:06:35]Because if you were, you wouldn't be on dating apps. You would already know how disingenuous they are.

[00:06:39]>> Guys, I'm 5'3. I have an amazing, phenomenal job. My credit score is in the 800s. I bought my first house at 23.

[00:06:46]I'm kind. I'm loving. I love to host. I have hobbies. I like to play golf. I like to sew. I like to read. I'm religious. I'm supportive. I have dreams and aspirations. I want to travel. Why do I not have a boyfriend, though? Make it make sense to me, please, because what's going on here?

[00:07:02]>> Dating apps have gified love.

[00:07:04]Gamification is when you apply game-like qualities to something that isn't a game. It's about taking advantage of our brains because we crave entertainment and rewards. For example, Tinder. Why do we use it? If you ask Elizabeth Timbermans, who's got a PhD in the app, it's for amusement, curiosity, socialization, and love in that order.

[00:07:21]According to her research, love isn't the first, second, or even third reason people use Tinder. The nature of Tinder swiping motion is to be fun. When you match with someone, [music] it's made to feel like you're winning a prize. And by flipping through so many pictures, you start seeing people as less like humans and [music] more like avatars, as if you're choosing who you're going to date in the Sims. And if it is a game, then there must be winners and losers. While there's no explicit [music] scoring system, there are a few implicit ways you can score, like every time you match with another user or when you meet up in real life. But how do you really win the game? Is it a match, a hookup, finding love, or is modern love just a losing game? Could you imagine a world where meeting your significant other could be paid to win? Well, that's the world that we live in right now. We live in a weird dystopian future where we can just pay money to find our match. And the funny thing is, I don't even necessarily blame these companies because it's capitalism at the end of the day. It's more so the consumers, the people who are using these apps. They're playing on your desperation. The fact that you oh so want to be with somebody, it's built within us. It's natural. The fact that we want community, we want someone. We crave someone, a family, something more than ourselves. But even still with that, we still make it all about ourselves. How we want certain things or how we're the perfect partner. We have everything going for ourselves. So why doesn't anybody want me? Maybe it's because that's exactly how human connection and interaction doesn't work.

[00:08:40]It's not about your stats and what you have on paper, who you are, your hobbies, what religion you believe in.

[00:08:45]It's do I like this person? It's what's in the moment, their personality, their character, who they are to me. They may act like someone else to other people, but to me, they're genuine. That's what it really comes down to. You can't quantify that. You can't put that into numbers or hobbies or even personality traits. It's something that's real in the moment. That's exactly why I think if you're on dating apps, you don't really want to date. You don't know what you want. You're not purposeful or intentional when it comes to dating because if you were, you wouldn't go on dating apps. They're so unserious.

[00:09:13]They're so unintentional. It's simply to find a body, not necessarily your loved one, your future wife or husband. It's a body. It's a person. If you want to fight a person, yeah, go on a dating app. Is anything real going to come of that? More than likely, probably not.

[00:09:25]Has it happened before? Sure. Is it going to happen for you? Probably not.

[00:09:28]And you shouldn't want it to. Could you imagine the way that you met somebody is through a screen? The first time you ever laid eyes on them was from a digital picture. Not genuinely in real life, but from a picture. That's just sad. Your mom, dad, your grandma and grandpa, great grandma, and great grandpa, they all met each other and saw each other for the first time in real life. Not through a photo, not through social media. in real life. And for you, the first time you ever laid eyes on your partner was from an app. Come on, that's just sad. It's dystopian. It's weird. It's a Black Mirror episode.

[00:09:57]>> So, whatever app you're on, whether it's Hinge, Bumble, Tinder, you have hundreds of options of people that you can swipe on. And if you're brand new to these apps if you've never experienced them before, it's so exciting. You're like, "Wow, I have all of these options. I have so many people to choose from."

[00:10:09]It's kind of like shiny new object syndrome where you have all these infinite options to potentially choose from, and it gives you that little ding of validation and self-gratification when you do finally match with someone.

[00:10:17]And that's what these apps are designed for, right? is to send you hundreds of people and get you tons of matches. But that's where it stops. They are designed to get you matches. I stumbled across a video of healthy gamer Gigi talking about this, so I'm going to talk in this video. But this is a perspective I've heard so few people talk about is that these apps are designed for matches and nothing else beyond it. Because think about it, what keeps these apps in business? What keeps these apps going and getting more people to use them? Not having successful dates, not actually having a relationship or something come from the experience. And I know hinges slogan is like, "Oh, we've been designed to be deleted." But if you think about it, there's really no profit if everybody is successfully finding a match on these apps and everybody is successfully finding a meaningful relationship from them. So the reason why I say it's essentially gambling is because when you've been on these apps for a while and you've swiped through most of the people in your area or maybe you've had a few matches and you've gone on a few dates and nothing has really come from those dates, you know, you go on a first date, they ghost you, you go on a first date or they just tell you they're not really feeling it, you start to get down on yourself. You start to think, hm, something's not right with this process. Maybe there's something wrong with me or maybe I need to be doing more on these apps. And this is the kicker because all of these apps now have premium features that sort of promise you that you're going to be shown to more people and that you're going to get better matches. And it's this incentive to get you to spend money on the potentiality, not even a guarantee, right? The potentiality of finding more matches, the potentiality of being seen by someone who might be interested in you. As I was doing research for this video, I found out that Bumble is now replacing swiping with AI powered matchmaking. Oh man, it just continues to get worse. Could you imagine? So now they even took the human connection out of swiping. Now the AI will do that for you. So let's start at the beginning. First, they took the human connection out of dating when it comes to interacting and meeting people in real life when it comes to a relationship. Now it's not even about swiping on a specific person, seeing if those badges or personality traits match up and is compatible with you. Now, the AI will just do that for you. It's just going to automatically recommend people to you based on your dating profile. And the sickest part is they try to justify it by saying, "Oh, in this modern world of AI, AI girlfriends, yada yada, we want a more human connection centered approach." Yeah, right. If that was the case, just get off the dating apps. Go in the real world. How about that? It's very ironic. But this is the world that we live in in 2026, and it's only going to get worse. That's why it's very important to know who you are and what it is that you want. [music] Why do you even want to be in a relationship? And start there. Go out into the real world and try to find somebody the old way, the natural way, the way that it's supposed to be. We're not supposed to be judging each other based on who we are or who we think we are or what we're projecting out to the world. Because even though you list these little personality traits and basic info about yourself, it doesn't mean that it's correct. It could all be up front just to make your profile look better and just so that you can get more matches with people. I just want you guys to imagine this future for a second. You create a dating profile online. You list your personal traits, your hobbies, things about yourself, etc. Now, you just turn off the app and you live your life. Then one day, hopefully within that same day or maybe a couple days from now, you get a notification saying that you got a match with somebody else.

[00:13:18]You didn't even get to swipe. You didn't even get to judge whether or not this person is for you. Is that a world where human connection is prioritized? No, it doesn't sound like it. And I think that's kind of the point because like that video said earlier, if everyone was to get into a relationship and match with somebody and stay with them, there would be no use for the dating apps. So, it's the fact that well, we're going to match you with all these people, but based on how they look, their personality traits, or whatever, they may not be a match for you, but we think it's a match for you. But in search of that perfect match, you're going to keep coming back anyway. So, it doesn't even matter that we're swiping for you.

[00:13:50]Because in all reality, you don't know what you want, but we do. To end off things, I just want to say, be very intentional when it comes to dating.

[00:13:57]Know what you want. Know why you want to get into a relationship. It shouldn't be for frivolous things like, "I just don't want to lie in bed at night by myself."

[00:14:04]You'll notice the more serious you get about dating, the more intentional you'll be. You won't leave things up to chance to a damn dating app. No, you'll get in real life and meet these people.

[00:14:12][music] Whether if it's at school, at your job, in passing, at a grocery store, or anything. It can literally happen anywhere. being on social media, being on dating apps to find somebody.

[00:14:21]That's very desperate. That's very unintentional. You're just hoping this is a good person and they're a complete compatibility match with you just because of what you know of them or the fact that you can see them now and you like what you see. You like the fact that everything is convenient for you.

[00:14:34][music] That doesn't mean it's going to be a good person. So, stop basing your partner off that. If you guys are still here, thank you so much for watching. I really do appreciate it. Let me know what you guys thought about the topic down below. I just think it's ridiculous. And I myself even gave dating apps a try. a long time ago. And trust me, it's not worth it. It's not real. Make sure to like, comment, and subscribe. Also, hype the video and I'll see you guys in the next one.