Jay-Jay Feeney Unpacks Our Relationship & New Life as Business Owners

本站添加: 2026-06-03

[00:00:00]JJ Feny, welcome to my podcast.

[00:00:03]>> Dom Harvey, thanks for having me back.

[00:00:05]This is not your normal podcast episode, though, is it?

[00:00:08]>> By the way, just before we get into the reason for this uh bonus episode of the Dom Harvey podcast, can I just say I've done 330 episodes of my podcast.

[00:00:18]>> This is the first time that 30 seconds before starting, my guest has said, "All right, let's get it over and done with."

[00:00:27]That's something we I used to say in our marriage a lot too, didn't I?

[00:00:30]>> No, but I feel like you're coming into this podcast today with the the wrong attitude.

[00:00:37]>> Well, the last thing you want a guest to do when they sit down and say, "All right, how long is this going to take? I got [ __ ] to do. Let's get it over and done."

[00:00:43]>> Well, I'm a very busy person. I know I own a company with you right now, but I think I do all the work, so I'm busy.

[00:00:50]Uh Jazz, our studio manager at Pod Lab, she just bought in this plate prior to starting which has got like couple of bits of onion on.

[00:00:58]>> Um why?

[00:00:59]>> Well, she thinks like if it gets emotional then u you can blame any tears on the onions.

[00:01:04]>> Well, I don't think it's going to get I don't think it's going to get emotional.

[00:01:08]>> No.

[00:01:08]>> What do you think?

[00:01:10]>> Well, I I had you on my podcast. You've been on twice before actually. once early on >> and then we did another episode when you retired from radio a couple of years ago, but you haven't been on since then.

[00:01:21]But I I don't know. I don't feel like it'll be emotional today, but you never know where these things >> hopefully not >> where these things go. Um, the reason uh for this episode is because there's a brand new New Zealand made show on Neon called Bust Up.

[00:01:35]>> Mhm.

[00:01:36]>> I have a question. Does your husband does he know about us? I just thought he'd be interested in the fact that your new workmate is your ex.

[00:01:47]>> We can still work together, right?

[00:01:50]Of >> course we can.

[00:01:53]>> You can blame each other, but I know what I saw in your faces.

[00:02:05]>> You've you've watched the whole season?

[00:02:07]>> I have. I've been lucky enough to see it in advance. starring Morgana O'Reilly, who you have had on your podcast, too.

[00:02:14]Well, she's coming up soon, isn't she?

[00:02:16]>> Um, and it's basically she plays a cop.

[00:02:20]Um, and her ex comes to work with her at the cop station. So, it's about two exes working together. Um, and it's a little bit, it's kind of funny, but it's also drama. You know, they're solving crimes together and all that stuff. And then, you know, bit of tension at times, bit of sexual chemistry. don't want to give too much away, you know. So, um it's just interesting watching the dynamics of uh two exes working together and that's exactly what we do here, >> you know.

[00:02:47]>> So, Neon had this idea that we could do a bonus episode of the podcast uh due to our similarity with the main characters on the show. There is there is always a lot of intrigue about this from other people. People are very cur this must be a question you get a lot.

[00:03:00]>> So many people fascinated, hey, how can you work with your ex? And then they say, I could never work with my ex. but they actually they're actually thinking about their ex when they say it. And so their ex may be someone that they definitely don't want to work with. But there's no reason why you couldn't work with your ex if your ex is okay. You know, if your ex is not a rat bag, >> I think it really it largely depends on what happened in the relationship and why you broke up. You know, like when we when we were together, we got along great just like we do now and we're working together. We didn't break up because anyone cheated or because anyone betrayed the other person or because the stress of having kids was too much or anything like that which a lot of people break up over and then they end up having some sort of um you know disdain for the other person. Um that's not the case for us. We're very open and honest about the spark going and us being like really good friends and was there more to it? Not sure. Uh, so really our friendships just continued on.

[00:04:06]>> Yeah. Just saved what was good out of the relationship and got rid of the other stuff.

[00:04:09]>> You didn't learn much from me though.

[00:04:11]You didn't learn uh about ironing your t-shirts when we were together.

[00:04:15]>> I'm a shambles.

[00:04:16]>> You never iron your t-shirts anymore. I used to do it. Now you don't even do it.

[00:04:21]>> Did you? Yeah. I took that for granted.

[00:04:23]I I um on reflection um Oh, yeah. I I carry a lot of guilt about certain things in our relationship. Like I we we we we um were a couple first and then we started working together and we did breakfast radio together for [ __ ] how many years?

[00:04:39]>> Gosh, 20 something 23 years maybe.

[00:04:44]>> Right. And I um I remember when when I when I so you were working at this radio station called the edge in Hamilton.

[00:04:52]>> I was at a station in Palmyon North. So we had a longdistance relationship for a couple of years.

[00:04:56]>> Then um the opportunity came up to work together. So I left Palmerston North, moved to Hamilton and started work at the edge with you. And I I can't remember the exact conversation we had at the time, but I think we said something like um did we say work's got to come first or the relationship's going to come first or if it does? We didn't we were good as a couple, but we didn't know if we were going to work well together.

[00:05:16]>> I I can't remember that conversation, but I would assume that we would have said that work has to come first.

[00:05:25]I assume because when when um you came to work at the edge, it was just because we got offered a job somewhere else together >> at ZM.

[00:05:36]>> Yeah. And so you were living in Palms, I was in Hamilton. The only way we could be in the same city was if we were working for the same radio station. And the boss at the edge said, "Huh, well, your boyfriend can come and work with you, but it's not going to last."

[00:05:52]>> And he was right. 23 YEARS LATER.

[00:05:56]It was a very It was playing the long game for the I told you so moment.

[00:05:59]>> Yeah. Yeah. I owe him 500 bucks.

[00:06:03]>> Yeah. So, um so I had that that pressure of uh you know, not that really the relationship working out, but it definitely had to not affect work, I guess. So, I think I think maybe if we did have that conversation, it would have been, okay, the radio station can't suffer because of our relationship.

[00:06:23]and it didn't >> and it yeah to be fair I think they were both successful like we had a great relationship for that period of time and we had a like a great on air radio show for that period of time. Um but I I do look back with like a sense of sort of regret like I put everything into that radio show. I probably took it like way too seriously.

[00:06:43]>> You did?

[00:06:44]>> And you Well, did you as well or >> No, not as much as you. You were really really actually difficult to work with on radio. I find you a lot easier now at Pod Lab, but in radio you're very demanding. You your expectations are so high and you expect everybody to meet those expectations to be at that level as you. You don't take anything less, which you know that's that's fine because you want to succeed, you want to be successful, but it puts a lot of pressure on people and it stresses people out. And people around you, they they they were scared. They were crumbling. They were like, "What if I what if I'm not good enough for Dom?"

[00:07:18]And that was basically the filter that they ran everything through. And for me, if I wasn't your partner, I would have told you to get fed.

[00:07:26]>> Well, you did anyway.

[00:07:27]>> No, I would have I wouldn't have put up with that [ __ ] But because I was your partner, I sort of was more forgiving of you. I understood you because I know what you're really like, you know, and I know that this is just your work persona and this is what you're like. So, um, yeah. Yeah. So, that's that's it.

[00:07:44]>> That pisses me off. That pisses me off because I'll tell you what, >> no one's complaining on ratings day when you're number one.

[00:07:51]>> No, >> no one's complaining when the radio awards come out and you're named the best show in New Zealand. No one's complaining when you hit the KPIs and you get a bonus. But no [ __ ] wants to do the work.

[00:08:00]>> No, nobody wants to do the work. You're right. You're right. Um >> Oh, no. Yeah. I I don't know. But I You look back now because when you're in like I got into radio, same as you. um like straight out of school actually before school I did like work experience at the station so it's all I knew my entire adult life and you think it's this massive massive deal and then you you take a step back from it this thing that you've known your whole adult life and you realize >> it's not a big deal at all like most people yeah it I don't know some people either listen or they don't and it's not a big it's not a big deal but you led to believe it is or you're not I don't know you just think it's a big deal and it's not it becomes all consuming.

[00:08:43]>> Well, management didn't help by by sort of gaslighting us into and bullying us into um thinking we were never good enough, >> you know, just to try and get the best out of us. So, that probably didn't help at all having that sort of mentality.

[00:08:58]>> But, you know, you've softened >> since you left radio, you know, and you're in the podcast business now and you're not so um anal about things. I think I think what it is for me um >> you know there's that that awful saying like every cloud has a silver lining. I think for me it's probably um like suffering depression and having some like mental health issues of my own. It probably gave me um some empathy and compassion that was missing beforehand.

[00:09:24]>> Yeah, you definitely needed that beforehand.

[00:09:26]>> Okay, that was your chance to go. No, no, no, >> no. You're all good.

[00:09:29]>> No, like but the truth is you didn't have it because when I was depressed you didn't understand depression. You thought it was a choice?

[00:09:37]>> No, but I I did try. Right. I was >> No, I don't think you did.

[00:09:41]>> I tried to be like supportive and encouraging. Um >> Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay. You did, but you'd also say, "Oh, come on. Let's just just get out there. Just go and do some exercise or something. Watch something funny on TV or, you know, like you didn't understand that it was it was more than that." But you do understand that now. And I think that's that's actually it would have been nice if you did understand it a bit more back then, but um but I see how you've suffered since since then >> and it's it's painful to watch and I know how hard it's been for you and so I can I can relate to that. But >> but it's it's >> not fun to see someone go through that.

[00:10:23]>> Yeah. But if you can take something good out of it and say, "Okay, well, yeah, this part of my personality was probably missing and now I've found it, then I suppose that's a good thing." Like, you just never know what someone else is going through now. I'd say I'm probably even more compassionate than what you are now.

[00:10:39]>> You're still like, "Nah, nah. Once once a thief, always a thief."

[00:10:44]>> No, I do believe that.

[00:10:46]>> I've had a couple of gang members on my podcast. JJ's like, "Nah, nah, can't trust any of them." No, don't trust >> building by association.

[00:10:53]>> No, they say they have all these big words, but they don't back it up with actions. I'm doing all these good things, but you're also doing all these bad things. So, yeah, I I can't be bothered with people who who are full of [ __ ] basically.

[00:11:06]>> You got no time for BS.

[00:11:09]>> No, no time for BS. I hate it.

[00:11:11]>> Yeah.

[00:11:12]>> Do you Is there anything you miss about um like us working together like on a radio show in front of the mics? Um, that's a good question.

[00:11:21]Um, I mean those were some great times.

[00:11:25]It was fun. Like on the air we had like these it was it was a cool dynamic. You know, that was like if you have JJ Mike and Dom or JJ Dom and Randall or whoever we were working with at the time, that person, that third person was usually the anchor holding it all together. And you were the you were the renegade, the shock jock, the naughty boy, and I was the voice of reason. And I was able to like, you know, use that use that dynamic that we have, the fact that we were married and um that you and I have kind of opposite personalities on the radio.

[00:12:02]It was just it was just fun to be able to rein you in. And I don't know, we we had we had lots of fun. We were able to do things outside of our normal um you know, what we'd do in normal life. The radio was kind of like a a playground for us. Yeah.

[00:12:16]>> So, I enjoyed working with you.

[00:12:17]>> Well, you it was um we were encouraged to like push boundaries. I think now in radio like you're encouraged not to push boundaries cuz you don't want anyone to say mean things about you on the internet.

[00:12:27]>> You're not even you're not even allowed to have an opinion on radio anymore in case someone disagrees with you.

[00:12:31]>> This um we we had a client in Pod Lab um a couple of days ago and she said, "Do you remember me?" And I was like, I I didn't remember her, but she said, "Um, I did a a radio segment with you and JJ a few years ago. I'm not going to say this girl's name because she's she's got like, you know, she's got a like a like a massive massive job now, a massive position and >> unnecessary. Yeah.

[00:12:52]>> This is um part of her life that I suppose she looks back um kind of fondly of, but also a little bit embarrassed of.

[00:13:00]>> She said she didn't mind it. She was all for it at the time, >> but she she came in and did a radio segment. You can't remember this. Hey, >> I can vaguely remember after she said it, >> but the it was some like blind dating segment where she came in with a blindfold on and there were five guys there with blindfolds on. Uh she had to kiss them all one by one like like a proper like tongue and mouth kiss and then decide which one out of number one to number five was the best kisser and then remove the blindfold and go out on a date to see if they're compatible.

[00:13:30]>> So it's like kiss first, ask questions later. Um, this is so shocking. It >> seems outrageous.

[00:13:36]>> It does seem outrageous. It was so normal back then.

[00:13:41]>> I mean, people, you know, you ask for volunteers to do these things and you're never short of the volunteers. There's always people willing to do it. It's fun. It's edgy. It's a little bit, you're giving permission, giving them permission to do something they wouldn't normally do, you know, in in a in a safe zone where they could get away with it, you know.

[00:13:58]But it it struck me as being alarming that and this is how you know you've been doing the same job for too long where I couldn't even like something like that seems pretty big and I couldn't even remember doing it cuz we're doing stuff like that like 5 days a week 48 weeks a year once you've been doing it for like 20 years or whatever.

[00:14:14]It's a lot of >> it's a lot of outrageous content.

[00:14:18]>> Yeah, >> it is. So you put it all behind you now.

[00:14:21]You're a serious businessman running a podcast, >> running a podcast company. Well, I'm just doing I'm really just doing my podcast, the Dom Harvey podcast. Um, >> but you've got the studio business together, Pod Lab.

[00:14:33]>> Yeah.

[00:14:34]>> Um, which Yeah. How do you find working with me in this sort of sense?

[00:14:38]>> Uh, it's really different to working with you on the radio because on the radio you were in charge. You you were the, you know, everyone followed your lead. You were the create really creative one. If if you didn't like an idea, then, you know, it was never going to happen.

[00:14:56]And so the dynamic has completely changed now because it's more like there's a lot more organization um and admin and stuff like that that that's required when you run a business.

[00:15:09]So I guess I'm in charge now >> and so >> Oh well and truly >> it's it's it's so different. And I I'm I'm so grateful and I'm I'm so lucky, but I also feel so um inadequate and vulnerable as well. Like I I just feel >> I I I feel some days I feel like it's probably what it's like when you're an adult and you can't read.

[00:15:35]>> Okay.

[00:15:36]>> Like seriously. And I don't know if it's because it's like um something undiagnosed I've got. By the way, I I can read. It's not a literacy issue, but there's just things that I just don't understand that I should be able to understand. Like, you filling in forms or I don't I don't know. Like you you you're like the admin queen. You keep this place running. But it's like um if I get more than like three emails that require some action, I start getting like stressed out.

[00:16:01]>> Stress out.

[00:16:01]>> But that's okay because I understand that about you and so does everyone else who works here. So here we like to just play to our strengths. Everyone's different, you know. We all have strengths and weaknesses and we all pretty much know what they are here.

[00:16:14]We've got a small team of four. We know what our strengths and weaknesses are.

[00:16:17]So, we we support each other. Like you you do what you're good at, I'll I'll do what you're not good at and vice versa.

[00:16:24]Like there's plenty of things you help me out with.

[00:16:27]>> Like what?

[00:16:28]>> Um don't ask me right now.

[00:16:30]>> This see this is what I'm worried about.

[00:16:32]Like it's >> you get lunch every day. That's so great. And coffee. It's it it is it's a it's a great little team and I love turning up to work each day and um yeah working with you and Jazz and Shana and Jacob when he comes in as a parttime and Matt as well. We we're building this great little team.

[00:16:49]>> We have lots of people on the side too.

[00:16:51]Yeah.

[00:16:51]>> I you you do so much for me. Um so I I look for opportunities to add value to your life and I just don't know where I can.

[00:16:59]>> Well, you know, please don't try so hard. That's No. See, it's so funny.

[00:17:04]Like if people come in here that don't know us, they're meeting us for the first time, they don't know know us for the radio, they're surprised to see that we are mar we are legally married, but that that will change at some point. But anyway, >> I've got I've got the papers, the divorce papers on my desk.

[00:17:20]>> Yeah, they're surprised to know that we were married and that we are exes working together. Like what? How does that even work?

[00:17:29]>> But it's because I think we don't have any animosity to each other. We support each other. We know, like I said, the the the the the strengths and weaknesses. Um we just like give each other space to be who we are without trying to control the other person or change the other person. And I think that's important in a relationship and also a working relationship. So the fact that we used to be married to me, it doesn't matter that we're working together now because we work well together.

[00:17:59]>> We're a good team. you're really great with the clients, you know, when it's I don't know, you have great ideas and >> even though you're not good at the admin and stuff, it doesn't matter. There's other things you can do and you come into your own in plenty of other ways.

[00:18:12]>> Well, I just try and be like reliable and dependable and um I I do I do worry about you cuz you like you you take a lot on. You bite off more than what you can chew and you get stressed. Um but we don't Yeah, we just don't when you take the relationship aspect out of it, you just you don't really argue anymore because that aspects aspect of it has gone.

[00:18:31]>> Well, we we didn't really argue anyway, did we?

[00:18:34]>> That's true. That's true. I I suppose like robust discussions about work.

[00:18:37]>> We do. Yeah, we do sometimes.

[00:18:39]>> But it was always about work and um yeah, like I think if you have like um plates or buckets to represent different areas of your life.

[00:18:46]>> When we were married, it was probably Yeah. the the the radio plate was like over full with food.

[00:18:52]>> Yeah.

[00:18:52]>> And the others were sort of neglected.

[00:18:54]There's that saying that the grass grows where you water it.

[00:18:57]>> Yeah, that's true.

[00:18:58]>> And I I I mean, I suppose we both did, but this is led by me. I think I didn't take enough attention on the relationship side of things.

[00:19:05]>> No, don't blame yourself. Don't blame yourself. We both had parts to play. And that's the same in in any relationship.

[00:19:10]And I just think like if you want to get along with your ex after you've broken up, you have to stop blaming them. like you had a part to play as well. So look at what you did as well. So don't just people are so hurt that they want the other person to hurt and they take it out on them and that's not it's not nice to not get along with someone. Wouldn't you rather get along with your ex than not? Especially if there's children involved or a lot of money you have to sort of sort out. Like it's better to just see unless they did something really horrible just >> you know I think that's the thing you just have to like treat people treat people with kindness and stop blaming like take accountability as well for your role in everything and then you can all get along.

[00:20:01]>> Yeah. Um a therapist said that to me once and it was like a it was like an aha sort of moment. It was like >> oh my god I should be a therapist. the the therapist was like in in any situation you should ask yourself what was my role in this.

[00:20:12]>> Yeah. A lot of people don't do it.

[00:20:14]They're all just like, "Oh, they did this, they did this, they did that."

[00:20:17]Blah, blah, blah. Woe is me. But it's like, okay, stop for a second. You're not perfect. Let's have a look at what you've done.

[00:20:24]>> And you really do have to look at yourself and then have some empathy for the other person as well.

[00:20:29]>> Yeah.

[00:20:29]>> And hope that they will reciprocate that. Some people are difficult and you're just never going to get through to them and that's just let it go. But, you know, there's some relationships that can be worth saving.

[00:20:39]>> M when um you must still get infur um I infuriate myself on a daily basis. When do when when do you get infuriated with me?

[00:20:52]Oh, >> it's just Oh my god, this is such a funny conversation. Um like usually just you'll I just get frustrated with you sometimes because of you because you don't think things through like I do and I think like largely women have the superpower I believe that men don't have and that we honestly can think of all we look at the big picture all the consequences of something whereas men tend to and I am generalizing of course but for the most part you know you you see the thing and you're just you're looking at it and you're looking you're not looking at all the problems that can evolve from it.

[00:21:34]You're just looking at the thing. And I think sometimes when you're just looking at the thing and not looking at the whole picture, I can get a little bit frustrated with you. But for the most part, I don't like, you know, when I'm mad at you or frustrated with you, everyone in the office would, but it hardly happens.

[00:21:49]>> Although Oh, yeah. It happens.

[00:21:50]>> Just when you annoy me >> literally um like maybe 10 15 minutes before going in to do this podcast now, you snap. What did you snap at me about?

[00:21:57]You just have to be a mess.

[00:21:58]>> No, because Okay, here's the thing about me. I am so busy and I have a million things going on and so you're like just adding more things to my plate.

[00:22:07]>> What about Oh, something about the taking the dog to the vet.

[00:22:12]>> Oh, yeah. Okay. Okay. You want me to reschedle?

[00:22:14]>> Why are we sharing all this boring stuff with everyone? Okay. So, the dog has to go to the vet at 9:00 on Thursday. This is a This is an example of how me and Dom work. So, I would have taken Dom the dog to the vet on Thursday morning at 9:00 a.m., but I have a meeting at 9:30.

[00:22:31]So, I put it in Don's diary and I said to you, "You've got to take the vet the dog to the vet on Thursday morning at 9:00." Yes, you accepted the diary request.

[00:22:41]You said, "Yes, it's all good." And then today, you tell me two days beforehand.

[00:22:45]Oh, no. You've got a meeting at 9:00 now.

[00:22:48]>> So, it's like, well, it was in your diary and you said no, but I I need to write things down. Well, you accepted the diary invite electronically, then it's up to you to write it down, isn't it? Why is it up to me to also do that for you?

[00:23:04]>> Do you see where I get frustrated?

[00:23:05]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:23:06]>> Yeah. But look, I understand that's what you like. So, it's just Dom. That's why I say it's just Dom.

[00:23:12]>> But, >> no, but I I don't want to be excused.

[00:23:14]Like, I I I don't want to be, oh, it's just Dom. Like I I want to be reliable and dependable, but I I struggle with technology and I feel myself getting left behind.

[00:23:25]>> No, just focus on what you are good at.

[00:23:28]>> Yeah. I mean, it's I like working with you. I'm comfortable with you. I know you so well. You know me so well. The thing is I feel like I can be so honest with you and I don't have to lie or say anything to like avoid hurting your feelings or whatever. And I think that's the most important thing. If there's a lot of people you can't be completely honest with because you know they'll get upset if they're sensitive or they they're going to bite back at you or whatever. So you just Yeah. So you just don't say anything which is stupid.

[00:23:54]Things don't get said then things don't get resolved. Things don't get sorted out. But with you I can be honest with you, you can be honest with me and we'll just sort out whatever the issue is.

[00:24:03]>> Yeah. In terms of with this is how I feel towards you and I hope it's the same way. um like I I can ask you something like an opinion on something and I know it's going to be like an answer completely from the right place and there's no sort of bias or no agenda.

[00:24:19]>> Um >> yeah. Um my my my partner Ash, by the way, this is a big part of being friends with your ex. Like any new partners need to be on board with it.

[00:24:31]>> Yeah. Otherwise, it's not going to work.

[00:24:33]>> Um but I I explained it to to her once.

[00:24:36]um like she's really close with her family. She's got a great family. Like they're on a family WhatsApp group. Um some days she'll talk to her like mom or dad like four or five times really.

[00:24:46]>> Whereas like I I think last Sunday she probably spoke to her dad more than what I've spoken to my dad in the past year.

[00:24:55]>> Um I I said to her I was explaining our relationship one day and I'm like look I'm from a broken family. JJ's from a broken family. like we we you you get on great with your mom and and your siblings and I get on great with mine, but we're a very fractured family. So, you feel quite independent in that respect.

[00:25:13]>> Yeah.

[00:25:13]>> And I said, um JJ and I are like family for each other whether we're married or not. We just we just are. And I said, another thing, it's like you've got your parents as a backs stop. Like if if you if you lose your job and you've got no money, your mom or dad are going to be there to scoop you up. And I said, JJ and her family is that person and I'm that person in my family. There is no there's no backs stop. What?

[00:25:36]>> It's the onions.

[00:25:40]It's the onions. You're so right. You're so right. That's That's true.

[00:25:45]>> And >> we're family.

[00:25:48]>> And I I suppose in like in that regard, I said to her, you know, um my first year of doing the podcast, I think I made about 25,000 to $30,000. And I said, so I was sort of relying on JJ about that. Yeah. So like, you know, we we're just regardless of the dynamic of the relationship, like we're there for each other. And it's hard for other people to understand, but it's like >> you bought your mom a house. I bought my my mom a house. If anyone in the family needs money, like they they'll come to me. If anyone in your family needs money, they come they come to you.

[00:26:17]>> I get stuff now cuz I' i've got none.

[00:26:20]>> Yeah.

[00:26:20]>> It's all gone.

[00:26:21]>> But it's Yeah, it is. It's it can be difficult for other people to understand. But um go on.

[00:26:26]>> Well, we still have like Christmases together and everything. Your mom, my mom, my brothers, your no your siblings are all over the place. Not not necessarily. Your partner, >> you know, my partner, we are family and like why would we want to we don't want to lose that.

[00:26:41]>> So that's the hard thing about breaking up a relationship in particular, a marriage. Like there's more than just the the partner that you lose. There's their whole family often. So why why does it have to be that way? Why can't you still all get along and still be friends because you loved each other, you know? So, um yeah.

[00:27:02]>> Also, what works what works for someone else or what is um conventional is not necessarily right for other people as well. I don't necessarily expect other people to understand. They don't they don't even have to understand. It's no one else's life.

[00:27:15]>> Um but I'm I am thankful that I've I've got a good partner. It just gets difficult when she's she gets people in her ear or DMing her.

[00:27:24]>> Yeah. Like, what are you doing while he's got still hangs out with his ex?

[00:27:27]Like, yeah, it's not actually your business, so stop stop putting those bad vibes in her mind, >> but she's actually fine with it. She understands.

[00:27:37]>> Same as my partner. My partner loves you. He's like, he's always like, I love Dom. Just out of the blue, he'll say it all the time. I'm like, okay. Well, he's he he's Algerian and a strict Muslim, so we definitely know it's not in a gay way.

[00:27:53]>> Yeah.

[00:27:54]>> Don't you get your hands chopped off over there for that?

[00:27:57]>> Oh, you definitely Unfortunately, it's not not a good place to be gay. Algeria. No, but yeah.

[00:28:03]>> So, I put a story up on Instagram saying you're coming in for a bonus episode of the Dom Harvey podcast all about um bust up on Neon and X's working together >> and there's some uh questions from the people. All right.

[00:28:14]>> Things the people want to know.

[00:28:16]>> Okay.

[00:28:18]>> Uh, how do you handle new partners entering the family dynamic?

[00:28:23]>> Right. We sort of answered that. Like basically, it's like if you've got kids or you've got dogs or cats or whatever, your new partner has to accept the kids and the dog with the cat or the relationship ain't going to work out.

[00:28:37]For us, it's you've got to accept that my ex is in my life, isn't it? cuz you had a previous girlfriend who didn't like that you that you were friends with me even though I am no threat to the relationship. I fully supported the relationship. She didn't like that. So, it was too much for her. Right.

[00:28:55]>> No, I think she was driving in her car one day. This is my ex. And um heard you saying something about me and then she called me and she Yeah. What did I say?

[00:29:03]>> On the radio.

[00:29:04]>> On the radio. Yeah. When you're at FM >> and she was like, "You you need to sort your ex-wife out. She's a C word." What?

[00:29:15]>> What could I possibly see to make her say that?

[00:29:18]>> Um, >> wow. I'm glad she's gone.

[00:29:20]>> What's the most classic JJ thing uh Dom still rolls his eyes at? H >> Oh, what's the most classic JJ thing that Dom still rolls his eyes at? Oh, probably how you just you like you get very stressed very easily. Like your phone will ring and you'll be like, "Hey, what's up?" Oh my god. What? No way.

[00:29:46]Hang on. Leave it with me. Leave it with me. Okay. Like, leave it with me. Leave it with me. And then I'll be like, "What's that? What's up? What's going on? What's going on?" And you'll be like, "Oh, no. It's okay. Um, yeah, mom just needs um me to transfer some money to help with her parking."

[00:30:02]Like, I don't know. That's a bad example.

[00:30:04]>> I think I think out loud.

[00:30:05]>> Yeah. But but everything everything goes to level 10 emergency with you on the phone.

[00:30:13]>> I can't help it. Okay. I'm a very emotive person like that. Like you know.

[00:30:17]Okay.

[00:30:18]>> Hello.

[00:30:20]Oh my god. You're kidding me.

[00:30:22]Oh my god. Oh my god. What are you going to do? You going to call the police?

[00:30:25]You've got to call the police. You got to call. Okay. Okay. Bye. And they were like, "What was that?" She's my brother Paul. He can't find his blue sock. Oh, shut up.

[00:30:36]>> Are there any questions for you on that?

[00:30:38]>> So, that was um >> what's the most classic JJ thing Dom Roses? Oh, I know. I don't roll my eyes at this, but I I do I do worry about this. You you um you do take a lot on and you get stressed and you get burnt out and I know a lot of that and and I I carry a huge amount of guilt about that because we're in business together and it's like you're doing more than your share of the load. But um I do worry about your um hatred or reluctance to do any sort of exercise.

[00:31:05]>> Oh, just because you you are an exercise bully.

[00:31:09]>> No, I'm I'm worried about >> you love running all the time and you can't understand why no one else does.

[00:31:13]>> No, but I don't want you to get unwell.

[00:31:15]>> Oh, that's really cute. I'm too busy to exercise. Okay. It is not in my DNA. I was never brought up on it. It's just not a thing that anyone that I know in my family does. So, it's not something I've ever had in my life. So, as an adult, I find it really hard to start this thing, which I've never really done.

[00:31:36]>> Like, I'm I if I go if I go on my little 2minut um excited I'm going to start running, I'm going to go to the gym, I'm going to do this, I'm going to go to Pilates or whatever, it doesn't last long, few weeks, and then I'm bored. The whole time I'm there, I'm stressed about all the things I've got to do. Like, oh my god, I've got to leave here cuz I've got this to this and that. So for me, I've just got too much going on. I am too busy to exercise. And for me, exercise is a low priority because I hate being hot. I hate being in pain. So I'd rather just be doing admin. But >> this is probably selfish on my part, but I I just can't have you dying. How will I access any of my passwords?

[00:32:14]>> Oh, is that what this is about? I knew it. I knew it.

[00:32:17]>> How will I get anything done?

[00:32:19]>> I've left you some very clear instructions.

[00:32:22]Uh, >> it's in a it's in a a vault in a bank.

[00:32:25]You just have to get the key.

[00:32:27]>> Oh my god. Oh, JJ will know where the key is. Oh no, that's right. She died cuz she didn't do any exercise.

[00:32:33]>> Oh my god.

[00:32:34]>> Um, what's the most um classic Dom thing JJ still deals with.

[00:32:40]>> You >> probably my chaos.

[00:32:42]>> Oh, your chaos. Your dad jokes.

[00:32:45]>> No, I mean the chaos as in just not knowing how to do anything.

[00:32:49]>> Yeah, the chaos. The dad jokes.

[00:32:50]>> Okay. You tease people, you wind people up, and you love it. Like, you get you get such a a thrill out of winding people up. You do it to Shana at work.

[00:33:00]She sits next to you and you like teasing her. Like, it's not it's not mean teasing. It's just It's just like It's like It's like siblings. It's like siblings. The way you sort of >> taunt your siblings when you're growing up. It's like that. You like to just like >> I don't know get a rise out of people. I think that's what that entertains you. I I think roasting is my love language.

[00:33:21]>> Is that what it is?

[00:33:22]>> Yeah. I I had this chat a couple of years ago with um one of my best friends. He he got really upset with me one night. He goes, "It's really difficult to be your friends sometime."

[00:33:29]And I was like, we we' just been joking.

[00:33:32]I thought we were just bantering, but >> Oh, no. Oh, yeah. I think I took it too far.

[00:33:36]>> So, since then, I've just been really on the group chat. I've just been really supportive and encouraging and it just But suddenly this group chat I'm on, it feels like a LinkedIn post now.

[00:33:47]like it's just >> every friend you had is very sensitive.

[00:33:50]So, you have to remember like your audience, >> you know.

[00:33:55]>> Um, what part of your relationship are you most grateful for?

[00:34:01]>> Well, there's not many people that can say they have a lifelong best friend out of their ex.

[00:34:10]So, you're very supportive and very caring and thoughtful and sweet. You're like that with all your friends. You're like that with me.

[00:34:22]And that's actually it's it's not it's not easy to come by.

[00:34:28]>> Yeah. I know I can trust and rely on you 100%.

[00:34:32]>> Oh, that's good. That's huge. Thank you.

[00:34:34]And I feel the same way. It's like I was saying before, like if I ask you a question, I know it's going to be um like a completely honest answer and from a genuine place where there's like no agenda, >> nothing hidden, >> you know. And for like a lot of people listening to this, like say my partner Ash with her relationship with her family, they might find it find it like a weird thing because they've already got it. But yeah, I don't know. We've got that with with each other.

[00:35:01]>> I'm not saying I don't have that with my family. I do, but we're just not like close close.

[00:35:05]>> Yeah.

[00:35:06]>> Because it's a fractured family, so >> you don't feel like you have that sort of relationship with them. I think I've been quite quite independent >> from quite a young age as you you are.

[00:35:14]So, I think that's probably what drew us together. Maybe.

[00:35:17]>> Yeah, maybe.

[00:35:19]>> Um, do you think you understand each other better now than when you were married?

[00:35:25]>> Probably because you just know more about each other every year, don't you?

[00:35:29]like the longer you know someone the more you >> and also you you've gone through different things since when we were married. So I see you I've seen all these things that you've gone through and how you've dealt with them and how you've come out the other side.

[00:35:46]>> Yeah. Also I think when you're in a marriage you're in like the the eye of >> No, the eye of really bad. Um but but with then when you're not married anymore, you have like a more sort of drone eye view >> and you can see things from a different perspective.

[00:36:01]>> Yeah.

[00:36:01]>> Um uh no, it's good. I like where things are now and I love getting to work together each day. It's cool.

[00:36:07]>> Um >> I just miss our house with the pool >> and the spa pool as well.

[00:36:13]>> Oh, those are good times. I can't afford that now cuz when you break up, you've got to sell the house to buy two smaller places.

[00:36:20]So that was a bit sad saying goodbye to that.

[00:36:24]Um, but how can I be sad about not being with you anymore when I see you every day?

[00:36:31]>> You know, we never we we it's like we never broke up, but we did. Like, you know, I see you all the time. So, we we have that relationship where we just like you said, we're family. We're here for each other all all the time. And I wish that all exes could have that. And I hope that a lot of people who do end up breaking up for whatever reason are able to, you know, at least walk away amicably so that you know it's not awkward if you have to see each other, bump into each other or like on the TV show Bust Up, your ex comes and works with you >> accidentally.

[00:37:09]>> Yeah. If you think of a like a a long-term relationship breakup as like a natural disaster, you go back in the house and you salvage what you can. So, anything that's still good, you save it.

[00:37:18]And I suppose that's what we did. Like, we tried to And I think we've done that pretty well. Um, yeah, we saved what was good about the relationship.

[00:37:27]>> Yeah. Um, so Jazz, who's pressing the buttons at the moment, has put a question up she'd like us to answer.

[00:37:32]What's your favorite thing about each other?

[00:37:36]>> Did we not answer that already, Jazz?

[00:37:39]I said, "I love how Dom is loyal, caring, thoughtful, supportive, >> reliable, all of those things."

[00:37:50]>> I'd say I'd say, "Yeah, >> you're also really tall, which is good when I need to get things off shelves."

[00:37:55]>> Yeah. My answer would be the this the same for you. Like I know I can always depend on you. Um sometimes like Ash will get upset because I'll use you as my e I shouldn't be saying this.

[00:38:06]>> Oh no. Oh, you you've said it now. You used me as your emergency contact.

[00:38:12]>> Emergency contact. But I'm like, I just don't take this the wrong way, but I just can't 100% be certain you're going to answer your phone if it's an unknown number.

[00:38:25]>> Oh, no.

[00:38:27]>> I'll answer it. You don't answer your phone if it's an unknown number.

[00:38:31]>> No. No. Since we since we've been in business, I have done I had to get over my fear of answering unknown numbers.

[00:38:36]>> Who are you trying to avoid all this time?

[00:38:39]>> Mainly journalists from the New Zealand Herald.

[00:38:43]>> Yeah. All right. Well, okay. Well, that was good. Um, so what can we conclude there about X's working together?

[00:38:51]>> Um, it's definitely not for everyone.

[00:38:56]Um, yeah, it's quite funny in terms of radio duos. So, there was us, um, Polly and Grant on ZM.

[00:39:01]>> Yeah.

[00:39:02]>> And also on on Radio Live for a while, um, Karen Haye and Andrew Fagen.

[00:39:07]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:39:08]>> And I don't think any of those couples are together anymore.

[00:39:11]>> That's true. Neither are we.

[00:39:13]>> There's three from three in terms of breaking up.

[00:39:15]>> Oh, I mean, we what? We spent a couple of decades together.

[00:39:19]>> Yeah.

[00:39:19]>> It's a massive innings.

[00:39:21]>> Yeah. It's It's funny like um Yeah. Do you call It's strange with Mar like do you call that a success or a failure?

[00:39:27]Cuz it's like when when you get married, the idea is till death do us part.

[00:39:31]>> So anything less than that >> is >> feels like a failure. Yeah. But it's such a stupid line anyway. It's so out of date like it should be until the relationship runs its course because how does anyone know what it's like to be with someone for 70 or 80 years? Nobody does. We haven't we've never done it. So you only you only know what you've what you've already experienced in life so far. So to imagine that you could be with someone until you die sounds really romantic and sounds like such a great idea. But everyone changes. You change as a person. Everyone evolves over every 10 years. You look at every 10 years of your life so far and how different you were each 10 years. At 10 years, 20 years, when you're 30, when you're 40, when you're 50, you're a different person. So, how can you really like stick to that promise that you'll love someone eternally till the end of time when you're both going to be changing as people >> and there's going to be all these different outside influences. So I think like if you can get to 10 years, 20 years, >> you've done so well. That's amazing.

[00:40:30]Great innings. And if you can have respect for each other at the end of it, then that's even better.

[00:40:35]>> 100%.

[00:40:36]>> Do you think you two would work well as a cop duo?

[00:40:40]>> I think I'd be good cop. I'd be good cop because you you you're already like a cop that's been working for too long and you've lost trust in humanity. Like you just immediately assume everyone's guilty or up to something.

[00:40:54]I >> don't you you do >> no I don't trust criminals at all because hardly any of them are ever honest. Um look I as a cop I'm I'm quite empathetic though. You can you can get me feeling sorry for you and sad for you. Um I respect people who at least put in effort and try and don't [ __ ] you.

[00:41:15]>> So but I think yeah if we were a duo I'd definitely be the bad cop.

[00:41:20]>> You'd be the good cop. Then as a parent, I was a bit soft, wasn't I? So maybe I'd be like that as a cop, too.

[00:41:28]Who knows?

[00:41:28]>> Oh, that's true.

[00:41:29]>> That's true.

[00:41:30]>> Thank you. Yeah, you said I was too soft.

[00:41:33]>> So maybe maybe you're the bad cop and I'm the good cop.

[00:41:37]>> Well, I guess we'll never know. Well, thank you for coming on my podcast today for this very special bonus bust up episode sponsored by Neon.

[00:41:45]>> Yeah, everyone get Neon. It's had a glow up. Uh there's heaps of great shows on there, lots of movies as well. Um, and including bust up with Moana O'Reilly and Roy Mart. It's really good. Lots of Kiwi actors in there. Scenery is absolutely stunning. It's so gorgeous.

[00:42:02]Makes me proud to be a New Zealander.

[00:42:04]>> And you make me proud to be a New Zealander. JJ, thanks for being a guest on my podcast. Now get the [ __ ] out of here. later.