Western Women Are WORRIED as Millions of Men Become Too COMFORTABLE Being Single

Added: 2026-05-10

[00:00:00]If I was a woman, I would be disgusted with men today because none of them can lead and they're all [ __ ] [ __ ] and none of them want to work. They [ __ ] and complain that the women are not a certain way and they have no work ethic.

[00:00:10]If they are not getting paid millions of dollars, they're like, I don't want to do anything. It's not worth my time. You have nothing to offer the world. Women aren't the problem. Boys are the problem. If she is leading, it is because you are too much of a to lead.

[00:00:22]She is not in her feminine anymore.

[00:00:23]She's in her masculine because her man is feminine. Be theing man and lead from the front. Stop acting like a baby boy.

[00:00:28]Women are going crazy, guys, because they can't figure out why you're not going up to them anymore. Guys eyes are wide open now, [music] right? They're wide open. And they're starting to say, "Well, you know what? I used to think it was worth it for me to just put myself out there all the time because, you know, I wanted to take a girl out, but now I'm realizing you got the gold diggers. You got the women who want the free meal. You got the women who expect me to do everything, but in return want to do nothing. You got women who are saying, "What do you bring to the table?" But when you ask them, they get insulted. You got women who don't, you can't even talk. You talk about, you know, oh, you had 400 boyfriends before and you slept with all of them. You know, they get defensive. Um, maybe I just don't need to pursue women right now at all. That's what's happening.

[00:01:12]>> The time you would wait for someone to make the first move. It might be on the first date, it might be the third date, whatever. It could be the man, it could be the woman. But now, all my friends have noticed that the man has stopped making the first move. I've asked my dude friends that are single and they were like, "You don't know where a woman's gonna go with that story where I ain't touching nobody."

[00:01:29]>> Yeah, because you're not trying to be called a creep. If you guys ever read the 48 laws of power, one of the laws is reputation is everything. Guard it with your life. Men are not taking hints.

[00:01:38]They're not taking signals. They were bad at that to begin with, but now you're pretty much going to have to ask for it. Men don't want to be called creeps. Men don't want their text messages to end up on the Tik Tok story.

[00:01:49]You know how mad I would be if I go on TikTok and I see a chick I went on a date with a few weeks ago have a five-part story about it. They like to not say who it is but at the same time say who it is. Oh yeah. I went on a date with this uh content creator and uh I'm not going to say who it is but he's about 6 feet tall. Usually wears all black. Always has a hat on. Usually has AirPods in and has a Kobe poster on his wallpaper. So if you know, you know, man, what the men do not want the social ramifications of becoming the pursuer and then all of a sudden the chick says that, "Oh no, he forced himself or things like that." Unless you're obvious about it, what's the point? What's going on, fellas? Don't forget to like and subscribe to the channel. Leave a comment down below. Let's get back to the video. A lot of these men approaching now are the ones that don't really care about rejection.

[00:02:33]Those are the creeps that you guys are talking about. Not all the guys. Not all the guys, but there are a lot of men out there that are approaching that really don't care nothing about your feelings, right? I don't really care about projection. I really don't care about much else either. I don't really even care about you. I'm just trying to get the >> You want to know something that most women aren't ready to hear? Modern feminist chivalry. Modern feminism has shifted from seeking equality to promoting superiority and resentment towards men. Framing men as oppressors rather than partners and equals. With the birth of modern feminism, there came the birth of the girl boss, I don't need a man. Chivalry was never meant to make women look weak. It was made to create a culture of mutual respect where men acted honorably towards women and acknowledged their virtue and grace.

[00:03:19]Modern feminism by demanding sameness instead of equality has blurred those lines. In trying to erase gender differences, it's erased the gestures that celebrate them. The result of this is now we have an entire generation of men who are not willing to honor, pursue, or protect women. We have this entire generation of men who just want to hook up on the first date, who have no respect for women, who don't hold open the door, who don't buy flowers, and it is because of modern feminism.

[00:03:42]Not only that, but it is also a result of weak men. There's a reason that our grandparents have the cutest love stories where the men pursued the women and they didn't have sex until they were married and they respected and honored each other. And now we are seeing the result of the crash and burn of modern feminism. And unfortunately, it is affecting a lot of women looking for life partners and a lot of men looking for life partners. Feminism is great.

[00:04:04]The idea of feminism is great to promote equality, but it has evolved into something that is toxic and dangerous to our society.

[00:04:11]>> A lot of these modern women are leaving good men uh because he's too predictable. Uh he's too stable. He's too available, if that makes any kind of sense. And now you go out there chasing unavailable men that just want to, you know, put you through the mattress and then send you on out the door with a cup of uh cup of Starbucks coffee. Is that the life that you want for yourself?

[00:04:35]Probably not.

[00:04:37]>> So, you wondering where to find a good man or woman? Okay, let's talk about it.

[00:04:42]It was funny. After my last video, I uh I was asked where where the good men at?

[00:04:49]you know where the good women at? And uh I can tell you the good man that you're looking for, you go a local uh Buffalo Wild Wings or uh sports bar that has, you know, wings, that's where they're at. You know, no matter what day of week it is, Monday to Sunday, they're out there lunchtime, dinner time, you're really looking for somebody that's a good person, that's where the the discarded good men are.

[00:05:16]They're out there eating a few wings, drinking a few drinks, watching sports, being by themselves. That's it.

[00:05:24]You know, they're not they're not out here club hopping or bar hopping or doing any of that kind of crazy stuff.

[00:05:31]Let that go.

[00:05:33]They're not doing none of that. They are living their life, eating a few wings, whatever, drinking some drinks at your local sports. That's where they're at.

[00:05:47]As for women, bro, I can't tell you. I don't know. And if you are a woman and you want to disclose where all the good women are at, cuz they're not out here on dating apps. They're not in the bars, they're not in the clubs, you know. I don't know. We don't. But don't be giving me that. You know, we're at home and, you know, we're cuddled up in our blanket watching TV cuz we're done with No. There's way too many neighborhoods out here. Way too many houses to me for me to be going out here knocking door to door looking for y'all.

[00:06:18]No, that can't be the answer. Where y'all at? Let somebody know cuz good people looking for good people.

[00:06:27]Once a man is able to tally up the cost of losing his house, losing my uh my pension or my 41k, whatever it is, losing access to that, losing access to stuff that you don't even need to have your hands on, that's when a man says, "You know what?

[00:06:48]Maybe a relationship isn't really for me. Maybe I ought to back off and go a different direction." Oh, well, you got to take the leap. I don't actually and I'm not going to.

[00:06:58]>> What is the difference between a woman that wants to be a wife versus a woman that just wants a husband?

[00:07:05]>> Oh, you know what? I think most of us are bred to just want a husband. Whereas to be groomed and trained to be a wife means to understand how to respect masculine energy, how to truly be inside of your feminine, which means trusting the leadership of your partner. Because feminine chooses certainty. feminine doesn't choose flow because feminine is flow right feminine energy and we choose to understand that it is our biggest opportunity to seek out the needs of a man without him expressing them. I think a beautiful opportunity for us to empower that man and and ride through the storms. I feel like we live in a weak generation where things get hard and people immediately are like, "Oh, I quit. This is too hard." And that's like it's never going to hinder you the result you want if you keep quitting.

[00:07:49]It's to be groomed as a wife means it's compassion. It's longevity. That's where marriage starts. When you get married, you say, "I do." It starts. Whereas other people, it's like when you get married, I made it. No, you didn't make it. You hate that man. You hate that woman. You Y'all can't stand each other.

[00:08:04]You You don't care enough to not disrespect each other or call each other out of your own name. You don't care enough to not want to sleep on opposite sides of the bed when there's a problem.

[00:08:11]You don't care enough to have the hard conversation so that you can move together more powerfully. That's that's just to have a husband. But when you want to be a wife, things are different in my opinion.

[00:08:21]>> That's very true.

[00:08:27]Why is it that when like a man is single and he's maybe over 35? Yeah. That people look and say like why are you single? What's why don't they look at it the same as you know that women when women are single it's kind of rude to ask a woman why are you single? Why have you got kids? Do you know what I'm saying?

[00:08:46]>> Why can't it be the same grace for both?

[00:08:48]>> You're the first guys for me. You're the first guy that's actually said it like that. So I haven't even thought about it like that. So there's an assumption that >> why are you single? Because you guys are the hunters, the choosers. And um so that's how society is. Even though there's a little bit of push back and women finding our feet, >> we're still not there yet. And especially of a certain generation, there's a used there's a traditional way of doing things.

[00:09:09]>> So for as long as you're considered the hunt and the chooser >> and you haven't chosen by a certain time, >> then you're not like why haven't you had any kids?

[00:09:18]>> You don't know if they can. Unless you think that they're pretty or something like why are you single that's comes with it and for a man if a man's handsome because already there's probably >> why are you single are you a player there comes there's different connotations as well >> I just have asked people who I thought were elig I I asked I am that girl I definitely have asked a few people if they're ugly we don't ask I'm just saying I'm just throwing it out there if I was ugly that's like >> she would ask because it kind You know, men ignoring modern women think that men are playing games, but they're not really at all. You know, I'm ignor I'm not ignoring you because I I don't like you. I'm ignoring you and I'm going about my way because every time I try to give you attention, it gets weaponized. You turn my attention into content. You try to screenshot my stuff and put it in a group chat and I learn from you and the way that you act that giving you this type of attention is too much for your brain. And so I'm stop I stopped doing it.

[00:10:25]>> Girl, men will say a lot. They'll promise futures, consistency, effort, and still show up confused. But listen closely. When a man truly wants you, you don't have to decode him. His actions speak before his mouth ever does. A man who's aligned doesn't disappear, hesitate, or keep you guessing. He shows up clear, steady, and intentional every time. If you're constantly questioning where you stand, that is your answer.

[00:10:49]Confusion is not chemistry. It's a warning. You're not too much. You're just asking the wrong man to meet you where you already are. Choose alignment over potential. Choose peace over anxiety. And never lower your standards to be chosen. You are the prize.

[00:11:03]>> How many men would date an unattractive woman?

[00:11:07]>> Exactly.

[00:11:07]>> They wouldn't. They just simply wouldn't. Okay. Because they have that standard. if you're unattractive, I don't want to date you. But once a woman has a standard and it's like if you're a broke guy, and with broke guys, I don't mean men that are poor. No, I mean men that don't know how to create abundance.

[00:11:24]And that the that's a big big issue.

[00:11:26]See, for example, for me, a broke man, how I classify it, is like my dad.

[00:11:31]>> My dad refused to work. He doesn't want to work. He doesn't want to figure out how to work. He made my mom work her whole life and she was taking care of him. Okay? He didn't respect himself and he didn't respect my mother. It was just not in balance at all. And my mom had to be hyper masculine to make up for the lack of masculine energy in the house.

[00:11:51]Right >> now, when you have that, a person that doesn't know how to be abundant, that's a broke guy. Okay? It doesn't matter how much money he makes, as long as he's trying, that's an abundant man. Because a lot of people, they, especially women, they think like, "Oh, I just need a rich man." I've dated a very wealthy guy.

[00:12:11]Probably the wealthiest guy I've ever dated. He was not generous at all.

[00:12:16]Brokey.

[00:12:16]>> Yeah. So, that's a broke man. Cuz what what do I have with you? You're showing me every day how much money you're making, but what do I have with it?

[00:12:24][laughter] >> What what do I care how much money you make? You know, >> once again, a lot of these modern women are talking about, oh man, you know, men are giving up. And even uh some of these men in in some of these documentaries talked about, oh, a man has given up.

[00:12:39]No, a man has decided to pursue peace in his life. He's decided to uh do things that are not going to cost them a lot of time, a lot of heartache, a lot of foolishness.

[00:12:51]Why don't you ever speak to that? Why don't you ever say, "Well, you know, maybe men are opting out because there's too much of a demand with too little of a return." Why don't y'all ever say that? Can I just talk about how on average I'm opening the door for men more than they open the door for me?

[00:13:07]>> Apparently that's a problem. Otherwise, we wouldn't be hearing about it.

[00:13:11]>> I knew that chivalry, but like I didn't know that. Like I didn't know it was like this.

[00:13:15]>> Like what? Being treated as an equal instead of a delicate, helpless woman that can't do anything for herself.

[00:13:20]>> Like I don't mind being kind to men, you know, opening the door for them. Yeah.

[00:13:23]But I just it's just a little offputting when it's like three out of five times I'm opening the door for a man and he's just going right through.

[00:13:29]>> Well, a lot of women do that to men.

[00:13:30]They go right through the door and don't even say thank you. But yet somehow women are offended when they're treated in the same way.

[00:13:37]>> You feel like a man after that? Like me personally, me personally, I would feel like a man after that. Like I feel like a [ __ ] >> It's rather ironic that when some women want to try to insult men, they usually end up referring to them by a term that was normally used to try to insult women, insinuating that they are feminine.

[00:13:54]Anyone else see the irony there?

[00:13:56]>> And do you have any respect for yourselves? Like you guys, like on average, guys, I'm really out here opening doors for men more than they're opening for me. We're talking about men.

[00:14:03]We're talking about grown grown men.

[00:14:04]Like grown men, like weird men, okay?

[00:14:06]Me, little lady, opening the door for you uh three out of five times is kind of weird.

[00:14:10]>> Interesting. And that goes right along with a little trend that I've been noticing that some women really despise gender roles, except when it comes to men. They think that men apparently should stay in certain gender roles, but that it doesn't apply to women. except of course when it benefits them.

[00:14:29]>> I think men are coming to realize that a lot of these women don't really want partner. It's kind of one man's validation. They want his attention.

[00:14:37]They want his money. They want his lifestyle. Uh all those good things. But then, God forbid, heaven forbid, man asks, "What do you bring to the table?"

[00:14:46][laughter] Nothing. And once again, I would ask, why is a man going to sign up for that?

[00:14:55]Um, wh why would a man be happy to take to take that on?

[00:15:03]He wouldn't.

[00:15:03]>> Dudes used to like taking women on dates and stuff. They started seeing how rude they became when certain dudes did not have to do that because they either look real good or they had money. So when dudes started seeing like I got to put all this effort in, take you on a date, do all this type of stuff. But this dude is just hit you up late at night, ask you what you doing, and you say nothing, then you let him crack like easy. So dudes started seeing stuff like that and seeing how easy some of these girls just be going and stuff. It made him like not want to take girls out. Feel like every day men try to come up with a new way of saying the same thing all over again.

[00:15:28]Because this is nothing but the whole sixfoot with a six-pack making six figures trope that they always use whenever they can't find a woman. No, it's not because you're broke and unattractive. It's because you're broke, unattractive, and mean. Broke, unattractive, and a misogynist. Broke, unattractive, and red pill. You are so worried about what another man is doing.

[00:15:45]This reminds me of a video that I did not that long ago of two men on a manosphere red pill podcast. This one man was talking about how this one girl that he was messing with went on a date with a man that took her to a steak house and he was like, "I was the one who ended up eating the steak because she packaged that all up and brought it home to me and after I ate that meal that you paid for, I slept with her and you probably only got a hug." And all the men in the comment section were talking about, "Oh, that's why I only give these women coffee dates. That's why I don't spend more than $10. That's why I'm worried about these women using me." And they're typing all this from the basement of their parents' home.

[00:16:18]Gold diggers are not your problem. But they want to use the idea that another man somewhere had been used as the reason why they can't give you good treatment. It's always a double standard. It's always projection.

[00:16:28]There's always some excuse for why they can't give women their best treatment.

[00:16:32]That's the real reason why they're single.

[00:16:34]>> If a man ever tries to control what you wear, you need to listen to him.

[00:16:40]>> Listen to what he doesn't want you to wear. Write it down. Take notes and put that outfit on. IT'LL BE THE SEXIEST OUTFIT.

[00:16:48]>> Are you a toddler? Or how about if you don't agree with him, you just tell him that I got it, thanks. I'll wear what I want. This is what I'm happy with. Even then, a man isn't being controlling if he says, "Hey, I don't like your outfit.

[00:17:00]I don't like what you're wearing." He might genuinely care about you. And maybe what you're wearing is a little bit too revealing. Or maybe it just doesn't look good on you. We want men to be honest until it's something that we don't like, right? And if you're in a relationship with him, yeah, he should have a say in what you wear. Not saying you should determine your entire wardrobe or anything, but if it's something that makes him uncomfortable because it looks like you're advertising yourself to all these other men outside in public, then yeah, he has a right to say so and you should consider what he's saying. And let me guess, if you had an issue with something, you would expect him to take it seriously and hear you out, right? But you're not going to give him the same respect. This is why so many relationships don't work out anymore because it goes one way and not both ways.

[00:17:44]>> I think modern women believe that dudes are just going to let them just run rampant. Just just just do whatever you want. Just be however you want. I know I'm about to clown you.

[00:17:57]I know I'm about to act a fool. Go ahead. Why not? Go ahead. This is what a lot of modern women are thinking that men are going to let them do. But men are tired of that nonsense. And what you're running into is men uh not receiving you or not being as receptive to being walked all over as they used to be. See, he caught a man when he was being a gentleman, but now he's like, I don't know you >> wanting the experience of the men would come to me thinking that they just wanted to get their rocks off, right? So much of that is rooted in performance, right? and being strong all the time and wanting to have all the time and being masculine and being stoic and and providing. There was no flexibility there whatsoever. What would be revealed pretty quickly was that they weren't being seen or acknowledged or or witnessed for their full selves or heard at home or in their their private lives.

[00:18:52]And they would try to bring it up. They would even be going to therapy and they were just being met with rejection across the board. Rejection there for a man is the equivalent of women's emotions being totally rejected and minimized. So um you know as much as we try to reduce [music] it's just and get over it. It's a huge part of how we communicate. It's another language.

[00:19:11][music] So they might try to proposition their partner and their wife and be met with rejection not knowing what that rejection might mean to her. Maybe what what's she not being seen as? What needs aren't aren't getting met of hers?

[00:19:23]Right.

[00:19:23]>> Yeah. Why did she say no?

[00:19:25]>> Yeah. Exactly. So then it would become this gridlock, this, you know, standoff.

[00:19:28]So then the shame just go keeps just festering and proliferating and building from there and there's nowhere for them to go. So what would occur is this kind of silent atrophy where it's like this acceptance of the status quo. This is as good as it gets. So I'm going to keep the cookie cutter relationship over here and I'm going to go over here to get this need met. So, what my work is rooted in now is finding ways to for men to start telling the truth and communicating and disclosing parts of themselves without blowing up their marriage or without having to go to the worker.

[00:20:00]>> This video is so random, but I was thinking about my single females and I want you to know you deserve somebody who absolutely adores you. Somebody who's God-fearing, somebody who's a leader, who has vision for your relationship, somebody who is just in awe of you, that hears you, that sees you, like really sees you, who pays attention to the small details and listens to every word that you say and randomly shows that he's listening. It's not that he says all the right things, but he does the things that let you know that he pays attention to you. He also courts you in the beginning. He has a desire to marry you. So, he's doing whatever it takes to ensure that you know that he's a man that you can listen to, that you can follow, that you feel safe with, that you feel protected. And this doesn't stop after you all get married. He continues to pursue you with everything he has. He dates you. He finds ways to make you happy. He's emotionally intelligent. Emotional intelligence, let me tell you guys, it is hard to come by, but it is invaluable. Especially as a female, we go through so many hormonal changes.

[00:21:18]Having a baby is not easy. You need a man who's going to stick with you through every season, who's going to love you, see you as beautiful, who pours into you, who challenges you to be the very best version of yourself. You need a man who isn't going to waver, who isn't unsure about you, who is loud about his love for you. Ladies, you deserve the world. And don't stop until you get it. Don't settle. Is it true that women marry who they can settle for and not who they want?

[00:21:51]>> No. I think that women sleep with who they want. Men sleep with who they can.

[00:21:56]Men marry who they want. But women marry who they can. Right. So it's the inverted action of it. And I think that we as women I don't think that we that we just settle inside of marriage. I think that we choose a person sometimes to our detriment. I think that we lack the ability to vet it out because we've been taught not to date more than one person at a time. And I don't mean sleep with multiple people. I'm not saying that at all. I'm saying genuinely getting to know. And then what happens?

[00:22:20]You'll be on a date. Let's say you go on a date four times in the month. You hit it off with one guy. Then you cut off all the other three. But the truth is, you might spend 6 months with this one guy that you didn't even like, not knowing that it was guy number three that could have been your future forever. And now you cut that man off because of a man that kind of made you feel a certain type of way. And so I I would just really challenge women to be much more logical in the sense of who they're choosing and why they're choosing them. Monetary, although that is important, is not enough. a beautiful body. Although that's nice to have, it's not enough. The real nitty-gritty inside of relationships that last is your mental, emotional, and spiritual strength. If you don't have those things, the body and the money don't matter. I know I know people that have all the money and they're super depressed. You know, they're sad.

[00:22:59]They're miserable. They feel like, what is what's it all for? Nothing even matters. They run through people. They run through relationships. They can't keep solid people in their lives, right?

[00:23:06]And then I also know people that are um that are rich, that have the the the mental capacity, the spiritual. Yes.

[00:23:14]Everything. And so it's just a different level of life when you're able to have the things that matter most. And the way that you look and the money that you have are icing on the cake, >> right?

[00:23:23]>> But I think we as women need to look for what matters most.

[00:23:36]My um ex-boyfriend goes to the same gym as me. Um and I just saw his truck. Um [sighs] how can you still not afford a $300 bumper?

[00:23:48]You have not had a front bumper since 2023, I think.

[00:23:54]>> What are we doing? Okay. What are we doing?

[00:23:56]>> You don't think men were more masculine back then than they are now?

[00:24:00]Men worldwide were more masculine because we didn't have feminism. But see, the problem is black women, your mother's generation and your grandmother's generation, they really failed you guys because they told you you didn't need a man. Who raised these feminine, weak black men that you have a problem with? Who raised them?

[00:24:19]>> Who raised them?

[00:24:21]80% of black children are born out of wedlock. Who raised them?

[00:24:24]>> Mhm.

[00:24:25]>> Who?

[00:24:27]>> We did. Who's we?

[00:24:29]>> My my mom or whoever my grandparents did.

[00:24:33]>> Black who?

[00:24:35]>> Women.

[00:24:36]>> Thank you. That's who raised them. You raised the very men you have a problem with. Black men are 51% childish, 64% in the middle class. And the problem keeps being there. Well, the black men back there were stronger back then. We had more of the law on our side and we actually had more of a community. What happened, if you want the truth, was when the Great Society came in and black women were given a choice between government assistance and your men, black women chose government assistance.

[00:25:05]As black male unemployment went down, black female welfare enrollment went up.

[00:25:12]>> And men, I know that you like the chase.

[00:25:15]Like, do not lie to me. So if a woman is giving you a lot of eye contact, if a woman is positioning herself closer to you, if a woman is smiling and twilling her hair and you know just like pining is what we call this, then that is your clear sign to approach her. And let me just tell you, there is something about walking over to a woman and actually just talking to her that builds up your self-confidence as well. and she is going to feel so valued and have mad respect for you. So many black women that want to be in relationships with a certain type of guy and there's just not an equal amount of that man. Right? So if if if there's black women that are like, I don't care, he has to make a certain amount of money, you must open up your pool to non-black men because that's the only way you're going to have more options of meeting a guy in that caliber. Black men are still marrying black women more than any other race.

[00:26:15]They're not interested. I'm not talking about dating. I'm talking about marrying. Okay? You can't you can't tell the girls, "Oh, they don't want you over here, so you going over there." That's not how that works. Brad and Chad are not coming to go get Lkesha. They not.

[00:26:28]Black men are not just leaving black men. [music] Why can't you just say to yourself, "Maybe it's you."

[00:26:38]Women are being called difficult for asking for what a healthy relationship actually requires, the bare minimum.

[00:26:45]There are six bare minimum requirements that your partner should have in order to be in a relationship with them because these are relationship skills and without relationship skills you should not be in a relationship. Number one is emotional safety and that means that you can express your thoughts, feelings and needs in a calm way without fear of punishment, defensiveness, ridicule or withdrawal. Number two, they require respect. And that just means treating somebody's boundaries, time, opinions, and autonomy as valid even when you disagree. Number three, consistency. That means that your behavior, your communication, and your effort are stable and predictable over time. You're not hot and cold. Number four is honesty. That means that you're truthful, transparent, and not hiding, manipulating, or distorting any information. Number five is effort. That means you're actively investing your time, your energy, and your intention into maintaining the relationship in a healthy way. And number six, consideration. You're aware of how your actions impact your partner, and you take that into account when you make decisions and your behavior. Now, first of all, you can't ask for what you're not. So, you also have to have those qualities. And asking for these qualities is not high maintenance. It's the foundation because healthy relationships are built on emotional attunement and responsiveness and emotional safety, not just attraction and chemistry. And if you've been in unhealthy relationships, possessing these basics can feel like a lot because you're used to getting less. But you're not asking for too much. You're just asking the wrong person because the right person is not going to say that your basic requirements are too much.

[00:28:28]the right person will meet those requirements because they possess them themselves.

[00:28:33]>> Black men in New York, they're very questionable. Once a black woman gets to the point where they date a white man, it's because she's had it up to here with black men.

[00:28:47]>> Not going to agree.

[00:28:48]>> So, what you mean they're questionable though?

[00:28:49]>> Cheaters.

[00:28:51]Um I guess because how these >> Billy and Bobby don't cheat.

[00:28:56]>> Billy and Bobby got a bag. I'd rather cry on the Rolls-Royce. I don't give a It is what it is.

[00:29:01]>> Rich, then you guys will accept >> to an extent.

[00:29:04]>> But it makes it better. We talking about money, right? So, she's dated rich black men. And what do rich black men do?

[00:29:13]>> Y'all just said if the white man did it, IT WAS OKAY >> BECAUSE HE WHITE. WHO GIVE A >> about >> Hey, it's Deb, your dating coach.

[00:29:25]uh in my video about men opening the door for women and uh someone said uh femin chivalry and I actually agree with that.

[00:29:37]I feel like women need to let men be gentlemen and I totally feel for the guys because they have no idea if they're the kind of woman who will let them open the door or if they're the independent, you know, I can get my own door. It was funny. My daughter, I would teach her, try to teach her to like allow the men, boys to open the door for her to come to get her when she went on a date and she would say, "I'm strong, independent woman. I can open my own door." And then when she met her husband, it was totally she's like, "He opens the door for me and it makes me feel so special." I was like, "Yeah, that's what I was trying to tell you." So, I did have a date one time where we went to a restaurant and we stopped and I I don't know. I just I just kind of sat there cuz I wasn't sure if he was going to open the door for me or not. So, I just sat in the car and he said, "Oh, you're one of those." And I was like at first I was like rude. But then I realized that the guys don't know. The guys don't know. So, I think it's so important and not awkward to establish it up front. Just say, "I'm oldfashioned. I appreciate when a man opens the door for me and I will say thank you and uh be grateful for it."

[00:31:08]And or if you don't want to, you can say, "I appreciate it, but I can get my own door." It's it's just helpful to communicate upfront. What do you guys think? Ely ladies, I have to say that I agree with some men. We have made it really hard for men to approach us. We have so many double standards, it's actually crazy. Hear me out. You want him to approach you, but when he approaches you, you feel disrespected.

[00:31:33]Let's unpack that for a second. If a man wants to sleep [clears throat] with you, why are you feeling disrespected? You are now taking past experiences and projecting it onto this man, and he might be a great man. First off, let's acknowledge that they're ashamed for women. That's the first thing. So if you feel shameful for wanting such a thing, that's yours and you're projecting it onto him. Second thing, if you think that doing that means you're disrespecting yourself, that is a belief that you have. And third, you might just have the belief that if a man wants to sleep with you, he is disrespecting you.

[00:32:02]But then also, if he doesn't hit on you and doesn't court you, you're upset about it, which is it. Let's unpack it.

[00:32:09]Women will always regret losing a good man. Now, I'm not even bullshitting you here. This is not clickbait. This is the full truth. I've seen it many times. If you protected her, you took care of her, those are two things that a lot of men cannot do. I'm going to be honest. It's very hard to find a man like you. And she'll realize that. Trust me. Pinky promise. I don't care if you made mistakes or you had flaws. If you were there, then you were there. Think about the how many guys would leave her after the first sign of discomfort. you didn't. And if you did, she has to think about all those other times that you stayed with her. So then she reallyed up. One-on-one coaching in my bio.

[00:32:58]>> I'm one to believe that a lot of guys were bred for marriage or wanted marriage until they experienced female nature. I say that because I am one of those guys. Okay? A lot of like myself, okay? I was raised where a lot of people around me were married. Okay? I was bred from marriage. Okay? I was raised up believing like, yo, you get your house, you get your wife, you get a dog, you have some kids, you go and live your life for the Lord and all that kind of, right? But then I experienced female nature firsthand. And I'm like, hold the up, you know what I mean? Like record scratch, right? [snorts] Um, and then I realized I was like, yo, this is some And then when I got my secular knowledge, my worldly knowledge, now I was like, hold the up. Yo, this life is not what they told me it was going to be. All right. And then I learned what the real world was. And I was like, "Yo, this marriage [ __ ] is for suckers."

[00:33:46]Like, some people get lucky. I'll give you that. Right. The rich can get married. That's cool. But the rich are not living the lives of middle class or poor people. But most people, marriage is for suckers, king.

[00:33:56]>> So, you know what I did? I had a conversation. I had a conversation with my kids. And I was like, "Listen, if I before your dad, you need to know that first of all, he will find somebody new.

[00:34:09]It's a fact of life. he's just going to.

[00:34:11]So, make sure make sure that you meet this person know just know that he is going to be with somebody because men and it's been statistically statistically statistically shown for men their wives are their best friend but for women we have lots of friends.

[00:34:31]We have a huge network of friends. So, have you ever noticed like when a man passes away, the women are like, "Woohoo!" They're like traveling to Italy and they're on a cruise with their friends and they're playing bridge and pickle ball and they're fine. But for men, they cannot be alone. Men like to be taken care of and so they need somebody else in their life who can do that for them. I am loving the province life. This is so beautiful and relaxing.

[00:35:00]Right. So let's go back to the feminine and masculine dynamic because I was coming from this strong independent woman and then I ended up tired and exhausted. That's why in relationships then cuz I did not quite attract the relationship the man that I want a masculine man but then I was attracting feminine men and that's tiring and actually attraction dice ganon [snorts] that's why in a relationship if the man is in his masculine energy and the woman is in her feminine energy the relationship is able to thrive because you are being complimentary to each other and for man. He is not being controlled. He is not being emasculated but rather he's able to thrive in his own power and also to the woman. So dynamic relationship.

[00:35:56]I only date marriage material. Not because I'm picky but because I'm purposeful. I don't date for attention or validation. I date for alignment. And who I entertain impacts my peace, focus, and my future. So, I take it serious.

[00:36:13]Chemistry fades, but character lasts.

[00:36:16]You know, leadership, consistency, emotional maturity. That's the fruits that I need. And I'm not just about to vibe with a situationship. I'm building towards partnership. I need a man who prays, who leads, who communicates, and treats me like an investment, not entertainment. Don't expect me to pour into what isn't rooted in purpose. I'm not rushing marriage in any way. I'm just intentional about the path and how you date determines the love that you build. Random energy cannot interrupt divine alignment. Call it picky if you want. The real problem was being available to the wrong people, being nurturing to the wrong people. So, I will wait for alignment and not settle for attention. The man that God has for me, he won't debate my standards. He will match them. And when he finds me, he will meet a woman who has already been preparing for the wife she prayed to become.

[00:37:09]>> Now, me and one of my friends were just walking the Westside Highway for like an hour. And of course, the conversation of dating comes up and she's like, "Where are you meeting guys? Like, where are the guys hanging out?" Because I do not use dating apps. I have literally been on two dating app dates in my entire life. and I have good success in the wild, I would say. And I'm like, you know what? We're asking the question wrong. It's not where am I finding the guys, it's where are the guys hanging out. So, if you're a guy in New York City, where are you going? And do not tell me a bar or a club.

[00:37:51]I am not finding my husband at either of those places. I am going to the bars to have a girls night. I am going. I don't go to clubs. So yeah, [clears throat] girls night. Where are the guys going?

[00:38:03]Where can we meet you? If you are a single, eligible bachelor, a good man, where can we find you? And do you want to be found? Because it seems a little questionable when we're out and about.

[00:38:17]Like, do you even want to be found?

[00:38:19]We're here. We're right in front of your face. We are under your nose.

[00:38:25]So approach us. I don't. Yeah. Why are we not approaching?

[00:38:29]>> I'm married and I'm in my 40s and I feel like a lot of my girlfriends are getting divorced and it's like hard to go to happy hour with them because like they sell divorce so good. They sell divorce to me like they're selling Mary Kay and I'm like lock and loaded. I'm like, "Wow, let's do this. I can get my own apartment.

[00:38:59]F. Yeah.

[00:39:01]You know, women power.

[00:39:04]And then like I come home to my husband and I'm like, "Oh, I love him."

[00:39:11]Why are you whispering? Now, let me say, I'm'll be honest with you. You have to be careful who you surround yourself with. Like she said, a lot of her single friends is selling divorce like, "Hey, we doing our thing. We bothering." I bet they go home miserable. with some break in the house, they got to call somebody to come fix it instead of having a man there to fix. I'm not saying the men is everything because you got some good men out here, but you got some bad bad men out here. But I like good women and bad women. But at the same time, if you got a solid, if your home is solid, and that man hadn't done nothing to to put you in harm's way, you better keep your husband. There's a lot of women out here ready for you to lose your husband so they can take your husband. have an actual genuine question, but [laughter] when I look like this, I mean, I have a hat on. I just have my hair like in a ponytail. I have a baggy t-shirt on. I get so much attention from guys and I get approached all the time. When I'm all dressed up with my girls, I get looks that no guys ever ever talk to me.

[00:40:05]What is up with that?

[00:40:06]>> Yes, I can women explain this. So, they've actually done studies on the conditions under which men are most likely to approach women and the conditions under which they are not. And as you just described, the three most common scenarios [clears throat] in which a man will not approach a woman are if she is dolled up to the nines, if she is surrounded by friends or a group of women, or in an environment that is really loud. So, it's kind of funny that women spend so much time getting all dressed up to go out to clubs to try and meet guys when they're statistically more likely to be approached wearing no makeup and an oversized t-shirt, desperately trying to reach something at the grocery store. And you're not going to like the answer here, but men approach you at your most casual because to them, that's when you're at your best. That's when you're not trying to impress anybody or be anything you're not. That's when you're not hiding behind something or playing some kind of character. Cuz most men just hate keeping up with the Joneses or trying to compete with something superficial that's fighting for your attention. They like you when you're at your most natural because that's when you are actually you. It's probably easy to forget, but us women aren't the only ones getting played out here. And you can catfish a lot more than just your physical appearance. Fact of the matter is, there is so much risk to approaching a woman. They're only going to do it if it seems real. I found where they're all hiding out. I found where all the good men are, the single good men. They are in the house. They are going to work.

[00:41:23]They're going to the gym in that rotation. And they're not on dating apps. They're not outside. They're not at clubs. They're not at bars. They're inside the house. and they're working on themselves. They're putting all of their energy into themselves to make themselves the best version of themselves they could possibly be and the best version of a partner they could possibly be for somebody else.

[00:41:48]Tried and tested. Tried and tested. So, you know how you found find them? You don't go knocking on their doors. I mean maybe but you need to strategize by asking friends, co-workers, family members who are in relationships that you admire.

[00:42:08]You need to ask men who you admire and you need to say, "Do you have any friends, brothers, cousins that are single that you think you could hook me up with?" Trust me. Make it your duty to reach out to three people over the next week whom you admire and ask, "Do you have someone that you can hook me up with?" I promise you. I promise you something good might come out of it.

[00:42:38]And if everyone's like, "Oh, no. I don't know anyone." Keep asking. Expand that list. Expand that list. Baby girl, >> you got a boyfriend or something?

[00:42:45]>> Okay, that's enough. No, that's enough.

[00:42:47]You hit your >> What do you mean? What are you doing?

[00:42:51]>> I'm just asking for her number.

[00:42:52]>> No, she's not giving it to you. She's giving it to you.

[00:42:56]>> Was I talking to you?

[00:42:57]>> I don't care. She You need to leave.

[00:42:59]>> You know, you need my own business.

[00:43:00]>> I don't care.

[00:43:00]>> You need my own business.

[00:43:01]>> I don't care. My own business. She want some money on jobs.

[00:43:07]>> Let's go.

[00:43:08]>> Go.

[00:43:09]>> I was talking to you. Get my >> No, I was talking to you.

[00:43:13]>> What are you doing?

[00:43:13]>> I was talking to you.

[00:43:14]>> Okay.

[00:43:14]>> Why you want my number or something?

[00:43:17]>> Yeah, we can take it outside. Oh, you want my number?

[00:43:19]>> No, we can take this outside. Leave her be.

[00:43:21]>> What do you mean take it outside?

[00:43:24]>> Where's your pants?

[00:43:25]>> Where's yours?

[00:43:28]>> You're not here. Where's your dad?

[00:43:30]>> What do you mean? I don't have one.

[00:43:32]>> Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I know that. You don't even mean you don't. You know that.

[00:43:37]>> I wonder why boys don't approach girls anymore. Jeez, in my generation, we're nice.

[00:43:42]>> I'm saying right.

[00:43:43]>> I'm saying you're right. I'm defending them.

[00:43:45]>> I'm saying. She said I right. Oh, she's defending now.

[00:43:48]>> Yeah, just >> I was approaching I was I was talking to her.

[00:43:54]>> It's okay. Don't relax. Nobody left.

[00:43:58]>> Yeah, >> it's okay. Don't even go to your room.

[00:44:01]>> Thank you.

[00:44:04]>> I know. I know, right? It's so crazy.

[00:44:07]>> Want to get slapped.

[00:44:12][laughter] GOT HURRY up and get a show of >> a man is uncomfortable with approaching you and getting turned down then how are you in your business? You get turned down all the time in your career. That's like a normal thing you have to get over. I've been turned down a million times. You have to Yeah, that's what I was thinking. Like you kind of like as a man in your career, you get used to being rejected. So like you should be used to it with women. And and what are you going to stop trying now? because then you're not going to be successful in your career. So, if you think about it like that, like you should be comfortable with it's okay because you know a lot of the if you make no shots, you're going to get nowhere and some of the shots are going to turn into success.

[00:44:56]>> I swear these women only sound intelligent to other women because this is an absolutely terrible analogy. First off, in business, your close rate is much higher than the close rate that men or the average man has uh uh with the woman. Secondly, when you're in business and getting turned down, it doesn't also come with a cup of humiliation, with a cup of social media blasting, with a cup of, oh, you're being a creep, without accusations of accusations. None of these things come with businesses and being turned down in business. And then the other thing is what's different in business is that this is a very small percentage of men that we're talking about that approach women even in this heyday. The vast majority of men have never been the ones who approach women. That has never been a thing. And secondly, men don't necessarily need women's help on how to approach. We don't need a pep talk. Most men are not approaching not because they're fearful. Most men are approaching because they checked out.

[00:45:59]They're saying no more of this cat and mouse game with these delusional women.

[00:46:03]That is what's really happened with men not approaching women. It's very few, very small percentage of men who aren't approaching because of fear. Why my standards in men are so high. I'm dating when I'm talking to a man in my male friends. All of it is so high because I was raised by a man that quite literally would drive 2 hours, 3 hours, 4 hours at midnight with a busy day tomorrow to pick me up if I needed it. Every time I come home and my gas is low, not full to the brim, my dad's filling it up. A man in my life forever doing all of these things. He called me the prettiest girl in the world. I grew up thinking I was the prettiest girl in the world along with my sister and my mom and my female dog. But I grew up with that standard. I grew up with if I came home with bags before I could even look to pick it up and bring it upstairs to my room, it would already be in my room because he would do that for me. There is this expectation a lot of us have lost and that our boundaries aren't there for men to not open the doors for men to not need to take your stuff care even roll your bag when you're in the airport there is so pay for your dinner now they want to split it I understand that woman need to come in with doing things on their end as well because you're only going to get what you're giving in some way shape or form but if I'm giving you respect respect, children, love, care, emotional support, physical support, then I should be treated chivalous. The men in my life that are just friends quite literally would do anything. Crying or having a tough day, they will ask. They will pay for a meal. They will not let me carry my bag upstairs. they will still do it not thinking that they're getting anything from me. That's the type of men I surround myself with.

[00:48:12]>> A lot of these modern women don't know how to communicate. They say they want a man that communicates well, emotionally intelligent, the whole nine yards. But then they be out here giving the man the silent treatment. Oh, I just need space.

[00:48:25]That space they be asking for, oh, you know, just give me space. Well, you know, when is it that I can talk to you?

[00:48:32]It'd be be a week that she'd be acting like that. And y'all don't understand when y'all do that type of stuff, y'all.

[00:48:39]Y'all throw y'all a little fit, then that man say, "Okay, you know, she needs space. I'm just going to go ahead and give her space. I'm going to go ahead and move my stuff out, find me an apartment across town. I'm not going to give her the address. going to change my phone number and uh she can have all the space that she needs.