Never Alone Series, Season Two | Episode One with Jesula Jeannot & Ashleigh Cromer

Añadido: 2026-06-01

[00:00:11]finger clapping.

[00:00:12]>> We can't say venues, right? Probably not.

[00:00:15]>> Maybe not.

[00:00:16]>> Maybe not. Maybe not. How are you this fine day?

[00:00:19]>> I am doing pretty well. Excited. It's Friday and we ready.

[00:00:25]>> You do. What do you call the What do you call Thursday? Usually Friday Eve. Is that what you >> No, I say Friday Junior.

[00:00:32]>> You do say Friday Junior. It's a thing.

[00:00:34]It's cute though.

[00:00:35]>> I do have I do have something really important to report to you.

[00:00:38]>> What is it?

[00:00:39]>> Well, you know how it's been raining for 15 days?

[00:00:43]>> Yes.

[00:00:43]>> And nights. Every like every single day, every single night. The sun is out. It has cometh. It is here.

[00:00:52]>> The sun is here. I mean, you can't tell by my skin because I haven't seen the sun. Um, I was like holding this p piece of paper up like doing some test shots and I couldn't see myself in between.

[00:01:02]>> I see you, darling. I see.

[00:01:05]>> And then you >> The sun is back, right? The sun is back.

[00:01:09]>> What you're saying is it can only improve. We can only >> It can only get better from here.

[00:01:14]>> We can only improve. Um, so you know I'm in Louisville, Kentucky, and you're in Tallahassee, Florida. Let's go.

[00:01:24]Um, yeah. Actually, I've only been to Tallahassee. Oh, that court situ.

[00:01:29]>> Yeah.

[00:01:30]>> Not for you, but you know, right?

[00:01:32]>> Let's clear that up, please. Let's clear that up.

[00:01:35]>> Yeah. I I spent some time in Tallahassee, but I didn't spend some time in Tallahassee. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Yeah.

[00:01:40]>> Yeah. But, okay. So, around here, it's prom season. You know, the the children are >> They're ready.

[00:01:47]>> They're ready. They're ready. Um my my prom I don't remember which is probably best. Um you know >> I can't believe you don't remember my prom. That's where the issue lies.

[00:02:00]>> Listen, I met you when you were born.

[00:02:04]What do you I can't >> What does that say about you now? So don't give the people your age now.

[00:02:11]Don't Don't let them know that.

[00:02:13]>> I'm not going to let you shame me about my age. I mean, I don't know if you saw like when we made the announcement.

[00:02:18]You're right.

[00:02:19]>> It was hot. I'm having hot flashes. You know, I am 40. I am a whole grownup.

[00:02:24]Okay.

[00:02:25]>> So, my memory my memory is not all there.

[00:02:30]>> When did you go to prom? What did you go to? Junior and senior prom. What was that like? Tell me.

[00:02:37]>> Both. But I think you supported me in my junior prom because I didn't want to go and I think I was class president in a lot of usually the class president go and I'm like no I don't know what to wear. You was like girl I think it was a day before pu.

[00:02:53]>> You said girl you going to >> P.

[00:02:57]>> Well you know I think I was out I feel like I was out of town though you were >> I don't remember no names. We can't say no >> the key to your house. So I was like I was like how old were I was like 16.

[00:03:11]>> No Miss Ashley trust the children. You know we love >> trusted the children.

[00:03:15]>> We love us some of you strong children.

[00:03:17]Well listen my the the young people seem to be having a good time. I also love that this generation is having a good time different than we were having a good time. They're good time.

[00:03:27]>> Their good time. They >> good time is different. I'm happy to see it. Um, yeah. I think it's good. About to have summer. Also, also I don't even understand summer. It's May. Why are we breaking for summer? I don't.

[00:03:42]>> But I'm ready. I'm ready.

[00:03:45]>> But you don't break for summer. You're You >> You're right.

[00:03:49]You You know what? You're right.

[00:03:53]>> Like, I'm really looking forward to this these two months off.

[00:03:56]>> Wait, months off, but it's just like I'm just ready. We both have two jobs, you know. We just not But I like the I like the um I like how positive you are about it.

[00:04:08]>> Thank you. Thank you. You have to right nowadays. You have to. If you don't have that positivity, I don't know how you're going to push through.

[00:04:15]>> Yeah.

[00:04:16]>> Um so Go ahead.

[00:04:18]>> No, push push through. Hey, we gonna talk about um what we're gonna talk about today other than >> Yeah, I was gonna be like uh speaking on that. Mhm.

[00:04:27]>> We have a beautiful >> topic to talk about which I'm super super excited and super stoked to kind of dive in into that. I want you to guess what are we talking about cuz some of these are surprise for Ashley. She doesn't really know. Um I want you to to kind of guess what we talking about today.

[00:04:45]>> Well, I don't even fully understand our format, but um you know, >> you're just following the boss.

[00:04:53]>> Yeah, I am. I am. I've been doing that for 10 years. Been doing that. Been doing that. You know, before we jump in though, um I don't know if you noticed, you know, I'm I'm the scarf.

[00:05:04]>> I'm the scarf queen over here. Um and this one is pretty exciting.

[00:05:11]>> Pretty exciting.

[00:05:12]>> So, I don't think it's about my scarf.

[00:05:15]Um it is May >> which you know is it's my month.

[00:05:22]>> I love me some mental health awareness.

[00:05:25]You see that you you you know me too well. I am too predictable because we're going to talk a little bit about that um today. But the the the main aspect of it I I'll give you some hint. It's about friendship.

[00:05:38]>> A bread a Oh, >> it's about friendship. So >> thought it was a breadcrumb.

[00:05:44]>> See, I'm the dog and just walking me.

[00:05:46]I'm just following you wherever wherever you go. Wherever you go, girl. I'm right there.

[00:05:52]>> Well, thank you for being flexible. I love it. I love it. But on a serious note, um today's topic is about >> being the strong friend. What does it means to be that strong friend and what does that look like and how does that feel like? Right. Um so yeah, let's dive into it. The strong friend. So I have few questions. We're going to go back and forth and it's going to be a vibe. I know it's going to be fun and yeah, let's do this.

[00:06:16]>> All right. I trust you.

[00:06:17]>> Of course. So the the first question that I uh that I wanted to talk about is when we speak about the strong friend, can you talk to me about how some people who check on everybody else and sometimes you're the one no one check on them? Can we talk about that?

[00:06:36]>> Yeah. You mean like yesterday?

[00:06:40]>> You know what? Now tell them. I don't know. Tell them.

[00:06:45]>> Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, when when did you put this little show run down together?

[00:06:48]Like last night or Yeah. No.

[00:06:50]>> No.

[00:06:50]>> Um >> Yeah. I mean that the strong friend too, right? Like >> Right. Right.

[00:06:57]>> What What does that mean? And you and I both are here for the very important understanding that the strongest people are the ones who get to help. And we we preach it, you know, from the hilltops, from in the valleys. We are out here >> with it. Um, you know, but I do think that at times I know me personally, I do identify as a strong friend. Maybe don't ask my friends.

[00:07:24]>> Isn't that funny? Like ask your Do you think I ident do I I identify?

[00:07:28]>> I believe both of us are some strong friends. You know, it's about perspective. So, >> absolutely. But what would there are some? And they be like, girl, okay. Um, you know, I am with the quickness. I'll hit you with I'm fine. I have found that I'm fine feels good to me instead of like lying to my people of like I'm good, I'm great. I used to do that for a long time, >> right?

[00:07:52]>> And then I found this I'd say comfortable resting place if you will with I'm fine and then move into what about you?

[00:08:02]>> Right.

[00:08:04]You actually asking me how about me?

[00:08:07]>> Yeah. I mean ask you every question. Oh yeah. This is not >> this is not the I was like that was my questions but um >> I think similar to you I think a lot of the time people don't pause and ask is that person who's asking me okay right um usually it's like a one way I'm fine and then you just move forward that's why when you say what about you that's what I wish people will say like when I ask you how are you I want it to be like a conversation but I'm so not used to that right so after that I'm just okay enjoy the rest of your Right. And you you did that with me too yesterday when we were talking. I genuinely was checking up on you >> and then you hit me. How about you?

[00:08:50]>> And it caught me off guard because that don't usually happen and and I'm really good at saying I'm fine too. So I think it's taking the pause for ourel as well, right? Um sometimes we get so comfortable because that's how we used to think and we not changing ourselves, right? Um, and people don't know what they don't know. And a lot of people, they might just use to how we used to let them in, right? So, it's something that even for myself, I'm refraraming as friend. If I'm not okay, I need to create space to have those conversation with those that I who I think care about me. Um, >> and how you and how you do that, right?

[00:09:27]Like >> and how you do that, right? who cuz there's let me be very clear very clear very clear that if I would have received your text message yesterday >> right >> from the majority of people in my life I'm about to contradict myself >> I would have hit them with I'm good >> busy >> doing this and that also is >> the matters through therapy I learned so much about like also So, like when you open that door of here's where I'm at. I want to make sure the door that I'm opening it to, how they're going to respond is not going to put me into like if I'm if I'm in I've got something going on and then I'm met with >> oh my gosh. No, that's not >> Yeah, >> that's not that's not what what I personally need in that moment. So, I'm so grateful for our friendship of where if you ask me, I'm going to tell you what it is. Also be I think you know everybody right now is going through something obviously but that we have a relationship of where it doesn't feel like a pain competition or I'm going to dim my light or my pain because you're having something. It's like >> no we can lock arms and be in lock step together >> as we're dragging >> but we keep pushing >> cowboy up. Cowboy up. We're gonna get you know we're going to get there. We're going to get there. I do have um I have a question for you cuz I thought about this last night and I was going to text you but you had your notifications on silent so I was trying to be respectful >> and did and did >> you did I did and I saw it and you know sometimes I get too excited but I I held myself back but I had taken this little note of what does like emotional exhaustion right like we talk about that emotional exhaustion we talk about fatigue we talk about these things but what does that actually feel like for you like how does that >> how does that go from a word to like the feeling I guess which obviously I'm not clinician trained in anything just as friends like what does that feel like for you when you're in that state >> for me I I I see it in my face and I see it how fast cuz I'm a people person I consider myself a people person the moment like I'm the first one to say I want to go home or I'm not enjoying the thing that I used to enjoy and I I can feel like I am not okay emotionally.

[00:11:57]There's that exhaustion. I'm I I can't do that. Right to me and and I can see my face. If I'm not if all of my 32 teeth is not out, just know just know that I am feeling emotionally exhausted because I am that person. Um people who knows me know that I'm the life of the party. I'm going to crack some jokes. I'm going to have fun.

[00:12:19]The moment you see me in my quiet shell, it's yeah, I need time. I need time to get back. And that's when um >> which I it's something that I have for us to talk about. How do we know when to get asked to be poured into, right? Cuz when we when we so giving and giving that energy that we we providing, you're going to get drained and when that drain comes, who's going to pour back? Who's going to feel you back? Right.

[00:12:44]>> Um but to me, it's it happened on my face. You'll see that I'm not okay on my face. Um >> what about you? I do know that about you.

[00:12:53]>> Yeah, you know it.

[00:12:55]>> You know that with my tone because I did all the drama, the drama school, all that stuff. And so I can theater. I can theater.

[00:13:02]>> But if that tone and you heard it yesterday, you were like >> I did. I did. I'm like this doesn't sound Yeah.

[00:13:09]>> What are we doing? Right.

[00:13:11]>> What are we doing? Um yeah, definitely my tone and then I'm similar to you that I'm physically gonna respond. M >> uh I was thinking about this yesterday too. I do think a lot when I'm emotionally exhausted, which >> I don't seems exhausting on top of the exhaustion, but it is when I get to that point and feel that way outside of my mental illnesses, it will be like, you know, it used to be like, oh, I can't get myself out of the bed, right? Like there's that, right? I can't get up off the couch. Yeah, >> I can do that because there's such a responsibility to other people. Now, if you ask me to do it for myself, >> it's not happening. Now, if I if you're expecting me, >> if someone's expecting me, which you know, the work that we do, people are counting on us every single day. You know, people are counting on us to show up, counting on us to advocate, counting on us to make sure that the help is there. What was interesting to me yesterday, I had this epiphany that I wonder if at this point of my life because I've worked because I'm holding my favorite highlighter. If at this point of my life that I have fought so hard to create a space of refuge, which I know you have too.

[00:14:29]>> Yes. Yes. that like I think there's an element of me that like stays there because I'm like anxious that I could lose it or it won't be there or you know and someone with a lot of letters behind their name would be able to diagnose that and say exactly what it is. Hence why we make sure we get help from the people with >> you know from >> Yeah. Uh-huh. But it was it was something that I'm like, you know what?

[00:14:55]And that actually helped me like unlock and push through. Um, and then you and I talked after that, but it was it was very much I was like, you know what, maybe I'm clinging to this and I'm staying here because I'm fearful that I won't have this refuge, which isn't reality. I'm anxious for something.

[00:15:12]That's not the reality. Right.

[00:15:14]>> Um, but that was an interesting thing of in my exhaustion and like then I cling to what I'm what I treasure maybe. I don't know >> because what happened is we don't we don't believe that we should be exhausted.

[00:15:30]>> Sure.

[00:15:31]>> Right. I think for me even when it's happening I'm convincing myself it's not exhaustion because I work so hard to not go back where I where I've been. So exhaustion is ne is never an options for me even when I'm exhausted. Right? So the pushing myself out of that exhaustion >> without realizing I'm exhausted is the is the biggest challenge. Right? It's the biggest challenge. And I think you hit it right on the spot for me is just like the moment which was my next question for you. Why is it so hard for capable people to ask for help? I will insert this before I let you insert. But I think for me >> is because if I let that layer of protection down, >> therefore, you're going to see the will version of me that I work so hard for people to not judge me for where I came from, what I've been through, because I was so hard not to be judged by this.

[00:16:27]Right? So that layer of protection, the moment I bring that down, you will see me as weak. Therefore, I'm not going to ask for help. And I know something that we say in the line of work, the greatest sign of strength is asking for help. But that's something even as an adult I have to >> continuously telling myself because he has been deemed as weakness. The moment you bring that layer down of vulnerability, >> I feel like I'm losing the the control of what I work so far so hard for.

[00:16:56]Right.

[00:16:56]>> Sure. Sure. Thank you for sharing that.

[00:16:59]>> Yeah.

[00:16:59]>> Thank you for sharing that. And it definitely resonates and also uh you can feel it from you.

[00:17:08]>> Yeah.

[00:17:09]>> You know, and as a black woman, >> hello somebody.

[00:17:14]>> You know, >> hello somebody.

[00:17:16]>> I I wasn't I wasn't the black. You were the You were the >> Okay, people. We always joke. We're always this is that there will always be some Yeah.

[00:17:28]>> This is us is that being so so blessed >> to get to love me some very strong women.

[00:17:39]>> Yeah.

[00:17:39]>> And you know this about me too. I always say my husband his his therapist I'm always like will you please get a black woman because you will learn more from it. She should be paid for the teaching.

[00:17:48]Okay. You know what I mean? you know.

[00:17:50]Um, but yeah, when you were were saying that of, you know, on on black women specifically from what I have learned and witnessed >> is Yeah. It's like you guys are seriously like this is a this is a direct survey instrument.

[00:18:08]>> Yeah. the strongest people under the sun, >> you know, and is it by expectation, responsibility, what the world says, you know, all of it that when you said that, >> it's I can relate, but those layers >> Yeah.

[00:18:27]>> I have have no idea. And I'm I'm so grateful that you have gotten to a point where you're willing to >> push through that. Um, you know, we see it in >> we see it in corporate rooms. We see it in, you know, we see the vibe shift in a woman in general, you know, if >> you know and but yeah, that that element of you took me because I just felt you so deeply when when you said that and I've seen since you were a teenager.

[00:18:56]>> Yeah. Uh but the thing that I fell in love with and admire and will ride with as my voice quivers is this vulnerability that you bring to the world that and you don't have to >> and it's a generous generous gift and we should all be grateful that we get to witness and get to experience. That's why I'm so grateful that you work with our students across the country and that anybody who comes in contact with you is moved by your bold vulnerability which is deeply needed by people and >> thank you. Thank you.

[00:19:33]>> I love it. And I love it. I love it.

[00:19:35]>> You too. You too. I know the work that we do it's not easy work and I know um if you guys um don't know much about Ashley I think I call her a fighter. She fight for these kids. She fight for these kids including me. Like when she said um she know me since I was a young.

[00:19:54]Yeah, I was young. I was young. Even she even like literally prom. We were talking about high school prom and now like I I don't want to disclose my age cuz you won't believe it what they say.

[00:20:05]>> Step into the even though I did think the other day I was like are you still 22?

[00:20:09]>> Exactly. Now >> you know black don't crack. I think that's what it is. You know you can give me 18. I'll take it.

[00:20:17]>> I'll take it.

[00:20:18]>> Oh, did I tell sorry I was with some kids recently >> and this on the the age side which I I love aging. I love the wisdom that comes with it.

[00:20:30]>> All of it.

[00:20:31]>> That's a topic for a different for a different talk about that too like that fear of really experiencing letting ourel >> you know like so that would be a topic.

[00:20:42]I will add that on my notes.

[00:20:43]>> We're going to drop that. We're going to judge that. There's probably like a aging awareness month. We can put it in that, you know, we're going to bring the awareness to that. Yeah.

[00:20:51]>> I was with these kids, right? And um >> we had just had a lunch together and they were talking talking about what they were going through and different stuff. And then uh they were whispering and I was like, "Y'all have secrets. You know, I don't >> can't have secrets around Miss Ashley."

[00:21:06]>> Right. Right.

[00:21:06]>> I'm like, "What is the secret?" And they're like, "We were just trying to figure out how old you are."

[00:21:11]Okay, let's let's let's do it. They said, "Well, our mom's really old. She's 40." I said, "She is." That's true.

[00:21:21]>> Well, now I won't tell you my age now.

[00:21:24]>> I already like where this is headed. Um, and then they were I was like, "So, how old do you think I am?" And they were like, "Well, your skin still glows."

[00:21:33]>> And it does. And it does.

[00:21:36]>> We work hard for this.

[00:21:38]>> I said, "Thank you, children." And then uh they said, "You know, you can't be more than like 25." I said, >> "You did."

[00:21:46]>> I said, "How did you know how old I was?" That's literally what >> I did. I did.

[00:21:52]>> Let these kids live, you know, like let their fantasy, you know, >> let it be.

[00:21:57]>> Let it be. Let them imagination let them I whole thing about the let them thing, too. But we don't have time for that either. But yeah, the mom and then I'm so shameless in myness. The mom I told her so fast. I said, "Your children know you're old." Okay.

[00:22:20]Please download it as you cuz I'm 25. Okay. Thank you.

[00:22:26]>> Thank you. Listen. Um Yeah. No, it was Yeah, that cracked me up. Um cracked me up. Cracked me up. All right, let's get back. What do we >> Yeah. Yeah. Speaking on that, I want to really dive in into why do capable people hide their struggle?

[00:22:42]I just hate it all at you.

[00:22:44]>> Yeah. I mean the all the reasons you said >> I would imagine and we talk about this too that you know in our work we have the great opportunity to work with a lot of different companies and their HR departments and you know not only supporting uh their communities but also their employees >> and their families. And one topic that you and I definitely advocate for is there is this issue where companies make it available to be able to have mental health support to their employees, but employees are not utilizing the benefit, >> right?

[00:23:21]>> And why is that?

[00:23:23]>> Cuz if they do, >> HR hires, fires.

[00:23:27]>> Yeah. they, you know, all of these fears that come into play, which the reality is is they're they're not able to have that information like take the care, dear friends. But totally get the aspect of you know I don't I we have come from a culture and I think we're definitely seeing a shift in that with the Adam Grants and you know the the our best DJ Shetty the others that are really cultivating this idea that capability and your capability is only strengthened >> right >> by strengthening these areas rest if you don't have rest >> and we talked about that yesterday too right? Yeah.

[00:24:08]>> Well, you you talk you did you text you you you were my TED talk yesterday.

[00:24:12]>> You know, we have to we have to do >> well and that's even the thing we talked about that too like >> we live in this space, >> right?

[00:24:20]>> We're not just because we're not expert like we said we are living those experience. We know firsthand, right?

[00:24:27]>> For sure. and our encouragement to one another, you know, is like I even catch myself like last night I had a friend, he was going through it and we were navigating through the conversation and I was following our checklist.

[00:24:41]>> Yeah.

[00:24:41]>> I was following our checklist and I knew and there was one part where he was, you know, having an epiphany and, you know, it's like, you know, you're listening, you're not providing that, you know, all the stuff which we'll be sure to uh, you know, that's available on the app as well as on the bestrong.org, work, but I my reaction to him was like, "Oh my gosh." You know, like all the faces, you know, right?

[00:25:05]>> We were on FaceTime and um he was like, and then I pulled it back and like covered my face. Like I pulled my shirt up over my face and I was like, I mean, wow, how did you come to that?

[00:25:18]>> Even you know, even if you know, you know, you got to let them figure it out, right?

[00:25:22]>> Yeah. And he was like, he was like, "What are you doing?" I was like I went against the be strong checklist be the solution which is not my job which is not my job but you know in that lane of like for me personally on you know when I'm capable I'm grateful that my work allows me to advocate >> for that um but you know I just probably in the last year two years been doing this work for almost 11 years >> right >> was I and I was in corporate before and finally I'm able to say like hey I'm having in a day.

[00:25:55]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:25:56]>> Can we move this meeting because of X, Y, or Z? I'm not >> feel shame or guilt about it. Right.

[00:26:01]>> Right. Or that I need to, you know, overexlain which is a trauma.

[00:26:07]>> Hello somebody. Hello somebody.

[00:26:10]>> Don't need to move this meeting for X Y and no. Can you just move this meeting?

[00:26:15]>> Even if I'm resting, we don't need to disclose that. Right. Um but like you said it's a trauma response then we just feel like we should feel guilty.

[00:26:24]>> Right. Right. And that over that overexlaining or that people will um it you know listen >> listen it is it's that for me is that perception and then I have even found you know my my very important part of my job is to fund raise for this work.

[00:26:44]>> Yeah.

[00:26:45]>> Right. And I've sat with funders and I have sat with people. Yeah. That, you know, they'll want to know when I talk about my mental, what what is your mental illness? You know, because they're like, >> right, >> you know, I'm asking them for money, you know. Yeah.

[00:26:56]>> Well, also here is my story. Here's why I'm passionate about this work. Here's the help that we desire to get to young people a lot sooner than we all got it.

[00:27:02]Okay. Right. Simple.

[00:27:04]>> And um I had one recently that was like, you know, you really shouldn't tell people that you're diagnosed with anxiety and depression. You know, it might >> Why not?

[00:27:12]>> It might concern them. you know that you know I'm like well there's a there's a team of people you know if be strong is you know based on you know one person well we're not going to be serving the thousands of people we're serving right >> so but it was it even caught me like so me serving in this role working in this work having someone say you might not >> want you might not so can we imagine >> and I can imagine what that will do for somebody who may not have the type of awareness or tools that you have to overcome that oh wow absolutely Yeah. Or you know the person that's like maybe you know they hear something from someone that says hey you know own your failings. That's why I always say it's like make sure where we're sharing that you know keep those you trust like Miss Rollhawk was saying Juliet at FPL you know it's like you know keep that core group tight and small.

[00:28:02]>> Yeah.

[00:28:02]>> Um but also you don't have to deny >> Yeah.

[00:28:05]>> how your feelings are within your strength >> right? You can still be strong and be vulnerable. Both can exist right. you can still take on the space, take all of the space you want and still be vulnerable and share your story cuz it will be >> she said what she said >> and I said what I said, right? Um cuz we cannot be fighting this work knowing that we're not doing it in a third person place. We're doing it as firsthand experience as well. Why can't we share our personal experience too?

[00:28:31]>> Um it kind of will disconnect us if we didn't relate to the work that we do.

[00:28:35]Right. I agree.

[00:28:36]>> Um which when we were talk talking um that remind me of something. I remember I I believe five years ago when we used to do our presentation um for fundraising or companies and things like that to ask for funding for the work that we do. Usually we said the kids need help. Here's why why why. Now I think two years ago we realized the kids need help. Hard stop. Period.

[00:29:02]>> Correct.

[00:29:02]>> Period.

[00:29:03]>> Correct. And this is we don't need to overexlain cuz you guys know that too.

[00:29:08]This is not >> fantasy. This is not stories we making.

[00:29:12]The evidence is right there.

[00:29:14]>> And we're overexplaining ourselves every single time when period. These kids are in survival modes. We are in survival modes. We need those resources. We need those support point. Period.

[00:29:27]>> Right. Right. So good.

[00:29:29]>> And I've been implementing that language in my everyday too. Hard stop. Hard stop.

[00:29:34]>> Oh, I love it. You know, I love a hard stop. That's the agency in me.

[00:29:37]>> Stop. We stop. And I catch myself when I overexlain. I don't have to overexlain.

[00:29:43]Hey, I'm not feeling well today. Hard stop. Like, I don't even need to say why. I'm I'm taking care of myself. Cuz if I want to give 100% of myself to whatever I'm doing, I need to feel okay.

[00:29:57]I need to feel okay. If I push when I'm at 90, by the end of the day, I'm not going to finish at 50. It's going to be lower than that. So let's let's let's start pouring. Let's start not overexplaining. So that so for everybody hard stop hard.

[00:30:15]>> It ain't nobody's business. Okay.

[00:30:17]>> Ain't nobody business because >> that's different.

[00:30:21]>> You know me care on them over >> that care team. I do love a care plan and a care team. You know that. And you're on my care team. You know, >> hello.

[00:30:32]>> You know, you're on my care team.

[00:30:34]>> Hello.

[00:30:34]>> Okay, >> but that that was good. That was good.

[00:30:36]Hard stop, right? Hard stop. Uh we we don't need to disclose everything that especially if it's a decision that you're making for yourself, right? Um it's not a conversation. When it's a conversation, then let's let's have a conversation. But if you're letting somebody know, I can't show up. I can't do certain things. Hard stop. Hard stop.

[00:30:56]>> That's it. That's it. That's it. It's your choice.

[00:31:01]>> Personal agency.

[00:31:02]>> That personal agency. That is it.

[00:31:03]>> There's a lot of strength.

[00:31:04]>> It is. It is. Now, Miss Ashley.

[00:31:08]>> Yes. When you >> can you tell me what's the difference between independence and isolation, ma'am?

[00:31:15]>> H. That's a good one for me.

[00:31:18]>> You know what? Um, you know, as a good co-host, I'd like to throw that back to you just so in live in Tallahassee.

[00:31:28]I'm going to send that back to you. What would you say to that my dear friend?

[00:31:33]>> They are twins.

[00:31:35]>> Twinning.

[00:31:35]>> They are twins. And if you are not aware enough, if you're not paying attention to your pattern, >> you will confuse isolation for independence.

[00:31:46]>> And child, when I tell you I had to learn from a hard time or hard place, I'm thinking I'm doing it. This is what I've prayed for. This is how I want it.

[00:31:56]And then I'm watching the people that I love going. I'm like, I'm okay. Maybe they wasn't meant to be in my life. And then I'm not realizing I am the one taking ownership and pushing those because I'm blaming that I am becoming independent, >> right? And that >> that is something that I had to learn, right? And it it can be twins cuz sometimes it feels good when you never have this peace of mind. You never had the quietness. You never have the things that you dream and and prayed about. And you finally got it.

[00:32:29]>> Your own bathroom.

[00:32:31]>> People don't even talk about that.

[00:32:32]>> People don't People don't talk about >> People don't talk enough about bathroom >> about about >> your own personal >> your own I got chill. I have a chill >> talking about personal bathroom.

[00:32:45]>> Uh your own bathroom, you know.

[00:32:47]>> Hello somebody.

[00:32:48]>> And I get to win the AC down wherever I want it. Hell, I don't need nobody. I don't need nobody.

[00:32:55]>> I turn it on, turn it off, whenever I want to.

[00:32:58]>> This is not good for the environment.

[00:32:59]>> It's not good for I can turn the shower on >> before I get into it.

[00:33:07]>> So, when you hit that moment of independence, now you spend five days a week, a year, you're like, I don't need to talk to nobody. I can stay inside of this house, right? And then boom, and the wall keeps moving and you become isolated.

[00:33:22]>> Like, you know, >> convince yourself it's okay, too.

[00:33:25]>> And then it's that shift to like, well, nobody wants to hang out anymore because I'm so busy all the time.

[00:33:29]>> Exactly.

[00:33:30]>> And then nobody wants >> find reasons on why this is okay. Right.

[00:33:35]>> Yeah. And I do like, you know, this about me. I am a I do I do appreciate um I do appreciate both independence as well as >> there's a balance right there a little time of >> of alone time and again someone with letters behind their name of really what the definition of isolation means I would say that I do by choice isolate myself I try to >> for at least a few hours a week like it's really important for me to have that time with myself to check in with myself without distractions. Um or maybe my favorite Netflix, >> right? That that's not a distraction to me because this the part of the >> I'm feeding I'm feeding the story line.

[00:34:23]But yeah, no, I love how I love how you're on guard.

[00:34:27]>> Yeah.

[00:34:28]>> Of that they are close relatives, right?

[00:34:31]And they're twins and they're close relatives. So, I think being conscious of that and being on guard for that and identifying like, hey, >> that's what this is, >> right?

[00:34:40]>> But I would also wonder when you kind of identify that about yourself, >> would you ever communicate that to someone who's like trying to spend time with you or like maybe it's like, hey, I was isolating myself for a while. I'm ready to come back outside. Like, >> I have I started to learn that because uh of where I'm at in life. Yeah.

[00:35:03]>> And seeing other people doing that and I'm like, "Oh, I can say that. I can say I need space. I can say >> um you didn't do anything wrong. I just need a long time and I'm not going to get punished for it." Right? It it's the idea of >> sometimes it it's either I go to both extreme cuz if I become so independent, I don't have to expend myself to somebody, right? And like, you know, and I isolate myself because I'm independent. and now I'm independent, right? Where now I feel like I can choose isolation and let people know this is an intentional time without feeling that I have to cut them off cuz they don't get it. So if I need this isolation, I just need to isolate myself forever. Right.

[00:35:48]>> What a good what a good why does intentional I'm going to write that down.

[00:35:52]>> That the use of saying intentional alone time I think is what you said.

[00:35:57]>> Yes.

[00:35:58]>> Our producer can roll that back. Just >> Yes. cuz we be forgetting, you know, >> you know the Yeah, that intentional time that feels so good. And even what I love about that is I associate the word isolation with a negative connotation like that it automatically like my I'm I receive it as that. But when you say to me, hey, I'm going to go and have some intentional intentional alone time. That in my head is like, oh, self-care, >> right? And it felt different too from the next person or the community that you part of, right?

[00:36:32]>> Go. Oh, do you girl have fun anytime you need. But if I just >> take myself out of it and isolate myself and now they were wondering, did I do something wrong? What happened? Now I'm wondering, oh, >> I did that. Now maybe I should never come back because they don't care cuz no one even tried to ask me, right? But I think when you are intentional and you communicate, which is something I I I recently started doing and it feels good. It's just like you didn't do anything. I didn't do anything. We just need a little quiet moment for ourselves and and we come back, you know, >> and it's alone time, you know, and because there there's all those people, you know, they're like, "Yeah, go on a date with yourself." That's all we're talking about.

[00:37:13]>> That's literally what we're talking about. But we never realize those were some isolation because we see isolation as pushing people away as don't talk to nobody as some things that happened for days, week, years. It can be that few hours that you said you choose just to be by yourself. That's your isolation, >> right?

[00:37:31]>> And maybe that could register cuz you know when I was in 20s living in LA, there was a lot of um was in worked in film finance. Sorry, highlighter sound.

[00:37:42]uh film finance and a couple other areas which was contact sport and always on always in front of people and I would I would really you know hide out really would and you know as they say the bedrotting >> but this idea of a healthy practice of intentional time with ourselves and I wonder because there is a lot of research around that that if that becomes that practice that weekly practice that if I really look back over like getting healthier over the years cuz it takes a long time. It >> does.

[00:38:15]>> Um and finding out that the care plan, the care team changes as life changes and all of that that I wonder if that aspect of when I shifted into I didn't have the beautiful language you did of this is intentional alone time, >> right?

[00:38:30]>> Um >> that's really powerful to put that in the calendar, >> right? Let's literally let's put that >> in the calendar.

[00:38:38]>> With isolation comes boundaries, right?

[00:38:40]So, if you know you have that set intentional time for yourself, now you can work with your boundaries. If your friends want to hang out at x amount of That's my me time, sweetheart. Let's put something else on the calendar, right?

[00:38:52]Let's put something else in the calendar.

[00:38:54]>> There's joy. There's joy in my heart about this time. 10 toes down, chest out. It's my intentional time. It >> I love you, but what about next Friday?

[00:39:03]Because I I I don't have a a movie to go watch. I I don't have my ice cream in the freezer to eat by myself in my >> overexlain trauma respond of like, oh, this week was >> No, if you're scheduled for next Friday, point blank, like we said, hard stop.

[00:39:21]Hard stop. Hard stop is what we're going to do. What we're going to do.

[00:39:24]>> Yeah.

[00:39:25]>> All right. Well, I have I have a final I have a final question for you.

[00:39:29]>> Yeah, of course. Of course. Um, and I know when we were working on some of this together and talking about what we ultimately wanted to achieve with this, which our ultimate goal, right, >> is that whoever is listening, whoever is here with us, that it's a conversation you are a part of with us, right?

[00:39:52]>> And one of those spaces that we believe is so powerful is vulnerability while maintaining our dignity within that. Not overexplaining. You don't need to know all of our hardships. You've got your own. Right.

[00:40:05]>> But I did want to ask you in a segment section that we titled uncomfortable truth.

[00:40:12]>> Oo. Okay.

[00:40:17]>> Uncomfortable truth. So I think we've already um uh Well, okay. Uncomfortable truth. Jula, >> when was the last time?

[00:40:31]>> I don't even want to answer yet. The suspense is just Okay. When was the last time? Go ahead.

[00:40:37]>> When was the last time that you pretended you were okay?

[00:40:43]>> And why?

[00:40:46]>> I'm just going to sit back on this one.

[00:40:49]>> I did not know we were going to go that deep. Uh my god.

[00:40:52]>> What are you talking about? We like live we we like swim all around the shallow.

[00:40:57]>> We do live in the deep end.

[00:40:59]>> Uh but it's because we so unserious sometimes and and also serious at the same time. So fighting that >> we are a dichotomy. I think that's the appropriate use of that word.

[00:41:10]>> I think so. I think so. Yeah.

[00:41:12]>> Two things can be true at the same time.

[00:41:14]That is us.

[00:41:17]>> Wow.

[00:41:21]The silence. Oh my god.

[00:41:23]>> Silent. The silence feels good. I'm gonna What I'm going to do here is since we're in the deep end, I'm going to put on the life state. I was getting into the to the the life the ring thing.

[00:41:35]>> Let's get inside of it. I'm going to swim over to you while I do. Talk while I do.

[00:41:41]>> I would say the last time that I pretended to be okay was definitely last week.

[00:41:49]>> Yeah. which I think built up to yesterday um where I was able to just be like, "Open up these hands. Your girl needs a little help. Need check in with the care team." Um, and yeah, I mean, and I think that's part of it, too, is as we develop and as we get more mature and life experiences and you know, with wisdom comes also this balance of, hey, I'm learning these new behaviors, but I've always had these other ones.

[00:42:19]>> Yeah.

[00:42:20]>> Right. Yeah.

[00:42:21]>> So, those two things can be true at the same time of where >> I typically pretend I'm okay because I'm protecting in my head. I'm protecting the other person. I also >> at this point of my life to your point like I don't need to be rescued.

[00:42:41]>> Right.

[00:42:42]>> And I think I don't want to be rescued.

[00:42:45]Um not that I'm anti being rescued.

[00:42:48]>> Right. Right.

[00:42:49]>> But I now know that like my care team who is and guys I keep talking about care team and a care plan. It's just a really healthy practice that when life gets wickedy wild, you have a plan in place of here are some things that work really well for me. You know, >> one of my best friends, she's so good.

[00:43:08]Like her care plan, she walks. She walks every day. It's her thing. If she doesn't walk, you know, >> um me, I'm still trying to get back in the gym. I'm getting there. I want >> Same same girl. We accountability partners. We've tried that a bunch.

[00:43:21]>> We try. Yeah. We try again. Try again.

[00:43:23]>> It sounds like we need a third party. So if anyone listen to third accountability partner >> we do because we are not we're like yeah yeah but yeah that aspect of um that care plan >> here are steps that I can take here are the the things that I I need to do and then who are the players >> that are within that you know >> and um and if you're not on that >> then I'm I'm probably going to tell you I'm good like I said at the beginning of our conversation but what about you >> the who matter and the the system that you have in place for you.

[00:43:55]>> Yeah.

[00:43:56]>> So, I think I I got my answer. Um >> so, I think it was yesterday. Um to be um honest. Um for those who may not know, Haitian Mother's Day is this Sunday coming up and I was having some conversation with a few of my student in my office. Um I love them. They they came some on the floor sitting on the floor and for some reason we started talking about parents. Um, one thing that I I I realize about me is that um I'm a protector.

[00:44:26]>> And so when I know something might hit heavy for one of those I care about in this instance is my um um my students, right?

[00:44:35]>> Um what I do I joke around, right? And then I realize after they left the uh the office, I realized I am not okay.

[00:44:44]Um, and it it kind of make me realize as much as I said, I'm okay. I've done this um by myself for a long time. I need to work on forgiveness. I'm excited for Mother's Day, but I'm not right. And being okay to to sit in that guilt, right, and that guilt on and I spent many many therapy session talking about what it means to be a daughter, what it means to show up as a daughter. Um, but also seeing how excited people get when it's Mother's Day and I feel like I have to be excited, but deep down I'm pretending that I am, but I'm not. And that pretense doesn't make it okay because I'm not a pretender, right? I I cannot hide how I feel. But if I say the truth, am I a bad person or am I a bad daughter? Or if I tell what I feel exactly >> to my student, do I tell them to be bad daughters as well? Right. So in that way acting like I was okay in that moment and joke around it to me was a protection for them right and >> and after I sat down and I'm like this wasn't a joking manner matter right it wasn't a joking matter and I think that student really >> wanted a somebody who can relate I think she did realize that and we joke we laugh experience right >> okay >> we both laugh about it but I know there was a moment where I could have covered her more um and in a way and that protection is more vulnerability but I just make a joke out of it and and when she left I >> wanted to burst out of tears because it's just like this not this is not an okay moment for me and you know me I crave that relationship that parental relationship that I never had >> and now on Sunday I'm going to be like happy Mother's Day I'm excited but that excitement I don't have it there right and being okay to I feel guilty about certain things and it's just like >> well your culture too what you've >> shared and what >> I know of you know there's also a lot of a lot of pressures >> there's a lot of pressures >> a lot of pressures on the family dynamic >> you know um and I I think that thank you for sharing that and I know you well enough that that conversation with that student is not done >> you know me you know me well We definitely like to close the loop. Okay.

[00:47:11]>> Yeah.

[00:47:12]>> And >> Exactly. Let's circle back. Let's circle back. Incorporate jargon. Let's circle back.

[00:47:17]>> It's true. It's true. We do love a circle back. We love a playback as well.

[00:47:20]Exactly. If we understood correctly.

[00:47:23]>> Um, no. I I It is It's like holidays in general of what those those emotions are and what they >> evoke and then also the cultural differences and who you're talking to.

[00:47:36]I'm so grateful that the student came to you and I know that you know being seen and being known and sometimes you know humor humor has saved our lives many times and but I love seeing this aspect of >> also reflection you know >> and the balance of grief. I was talking recently with a young person in my life who I love and adore and has really been going through a season and and we were talking about the idea of you know we we grieve also what we hope for >> right >> I think that's exactly what that feeling for me is right it's not even a >> it's not even that sadness it's just the what you hope for and >> and also grieving what I think I should have done but knowing that that's not how I feel. So I'm grieving that because I don't want to be a hypocrite to myself. Right. So >> yeah. Yeah. That balance of >> of truth within it. We we'll have to have Dr. Pamela Morris Perez the best we do on she could really and her her um she's working on something. We got to be careful. I forget that there's a microphone on and I know too much information.

[00:48:52]>> We know too much information >> too soon too. that's like we don't even know if other people know, >> right?

[00:48:56]>> But Dr. Morris Perez uh is a tremendous brilliant mind with the biggest heart and she's doing some really cool work around the aspect of trauma and grief and would be probably really great to have a chat with her.

[00:49:11]>> That that should be a topic we talk about. I think that's something we don't talk about enough. Right.

[00:49:16]>> Sure. And how grief like how grief um sometimes maybe we associate grief only with like loss of I enjoy dreams for, >> right? Enjoy in the moment that we were in.

[00:49:31]>> Yeah.

[00:49:31]>> Yeah.

[00:49:32]>> I love it. I love it. Well, you know what? As I finally have uh called you um our names for one another, which just will slip out in the series. Guys, this is just the beginning. Um I'm grateful to be here with my best.

[00:49:45]>> We call each other best. Um >> bestito. It's a technical it's a technical term. And those who are here, I do hope you have a bestito. If you do not have a bestito, >> we will be your best.

[00:49:55]>> You are welcome. Um, uh, bestitos are inclusive. Um, it is a >> it's a jazz hand of the bestie. Okay.

[00:50:04]It's the jazz hands. Um, well, my hands I have very >> No, you don't. I knew you was going to say that. No, you don't.

[00:50:10]>> You know, well, I Yeah. Okay. All right.

[00:50:13]Well, this this has been really enjoyable.

[00:50:16]>> But I really want to say something. Um.

[00:50:18]>> Oh, >> yeah. This is not done yet. I'm playing.

[00:50:21]I'm joking. But I I really wanted um to chat a little bit about the reason why we both uh for those of you who may not know, we had a prior season, right? Um to Never Alone. And when Ashley and I started brainstorming, we know the impact. We know we've been doing this >> for like how many years together as friends and colleagues for a long time.

[00:50:48]I mean when we were thinking about the format and what we want to do and what really I think we both lock eyes and we was like why not us you know something no format just vibes and and really we don't have we always teach our students that they do not have to be expert at things and and a lot of the time we behind those meetings and and people don't really get to see us in in our daily day and how we see the world and how we experience the world and I think this is a perfect opportunity to see behind the people behind the work that we do right and seeing us more as >> human who experience the thing we don't do the what we do because we just think that's what we we should be doing is because those are our experience as well and Ashley and I we have this relationship for so long that I think we are the perfect um people to come together and have those important conversation and uncomfortable convers conversation too cuz when we come in here as you guys can see we throwing question at each other that we don't even expect for it to come but it allows us to have this sense of vulnerability and that I hope that some of you in the audience can reflect and relate to to some of the things that we're sharing and it's only going to get funnier >> it's only going to get more serious at the same time and >> I do that makes me think >> about the as I'm like contorted the um also if people have questions >> right ask us email us >> ask questions message us ask questions we do >> you want to drop where to ask the questions >> well that's what I was I was going to say is right now Instagram message us on Instagram would be the best >> I agree >> and we will get your questions there and we are excited that there have been humbling some of the guests that are going to come and jibber jabber.

[00:52:47]>> I'm so excited.

[00:52:49]So excited >> and have a chat about a host of different things. And ultimately to Jasa's point, our goal here is that we want people to know that be strong is yes, it's an organization, but really it's people who want to ensure that young people and everyone knows that help is here.

[00:53:10]>> Right.

[00:53:10]>> Right. without judgment, without anything other than we think you're incredible for taking that step to get some help. And so, you know, we're going to be doing this for the rest of the year. And so, if you're watching on YouTube, go ahead and hit that subscribe right now.

[00:53:27]>> I think we do have the comments off on YouTube because we have a lot of kids on our YouTube channel and we're not here for we're here. We can take it. You know what I mean? You can message us your disapproving and you can comment on the Instagram, right? Um, of what you would like for us to work on. But uh YouTube we don't have the comments. But if you would subscribe also share with others.

[00:53:44]We always say that there is one thing that you can do that you know mental health is heartbreaking. It's also really inspiring and it's a tremendous opportunity to better know yourself, love yourself and love those around you.

[00:53:57]And Be Strong has a free and anonymous app that is available in the stores. And it is made for you.

[00:54:04]>> Right.

[00:54:04]>> Okay. It's made for you and it's made for us. We we use it.

[00:54:07]>> We use it all the time. We use it.

[00:54:09]So you can there's uh 360 like all the way around. We made sure there was one place that you can come to and find all types of resources and a part that Jul and I are both super passionate about that if you're watching this and you're like, "Yeah, well I can't even talk about mental health cuz I don't know where my next meal is coming from.

[00:54:27]>> Please download the app. There is a local support section. Get in there and um find some resources that are in your local area. We also know that it is a journey and um we're with you in it and we hope that you will join us as we do season two of Never Alone.

[00:54:42]>> We are excited and thank you Ashley for being a part of this. It's going to be fun and let's get ready for a fun ride.

[00:54:49]>> Let's do it.

[00:54:50]>> Let's do it.

[00:54:52]>> They also uh Logitech gave us some incredible gear. That's why >> that's why we look so fancy with our mic.

[00:54:59]>> Yeah, we are not f we're not unless there's really fancy on our own. I mean this is this is confusing though. That's as fancy as it gets.

[00:55:06]>> Am I the commissioner of the rodeo? I don't even know if the rodeo has a commissioner, but we should apply.

[00:55:10]>> We should apply, right?

[00:55:11]>> We should apply. But yeah, big shout out to Logitech G who has strengthened this series season 1. Shout out to Donovan Taylor Hall, also known as Donno Friend, who is our dear friend, who stepped up and stepped in uh for that and for season 1. But as we embark on season two, we are >> You're stuck with us.

[00:55:30]>> You are. You are. And we'll be dropping what the schedule is when you tune in.

[00:55:34]Also, Spotify, etc., etc., if you would just like to listen to our voice, >> right?

[00:55:39]>> Which, you know, hard to say. All right.

[00:55:41]So, I hope you have a wonderful videos now. Do we know?

[00:55:45]>> Listen, um, there's a lot of things we don't know.

[00:55:48]>> We learn, >> but the thing about us, >> we learn.

[00:55:51]>> We learn. Thank you.

[00:55:52]>> All right. You know what? I'm going to I want you to know I want you to have a wonderful weekend.

[00:55:56]>> You, too, my dear friend.

[00:55:58]>> All right. Sun's out. Sun's out. Sun's out. Well, sun's up for me. The sun is okay.