Successful merchandise sales require understanding your specific audience's preferences rather than making assumptions about their tastes; ordering too much merchandise without proper market research can lead to significant financial losses, as demonstrated by a comedian who ordered 250 t-shirts but only sold 12 (5% sales rate) during a tour.
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Okay, we're we're rolling. We'll just I'll continue telling you the story. So, we're talking about like buying too much merch for a tour.
>> I ordered I got like ' 90s hip-hop t-shirts done of me >> in all different poses, big font. I was like, "This is great."
>> Said to the guy making it for me. I went, "Get like get 250 of them, >> but but like make sure we can get more."
>> Yeah.
>> Like at short notice. And I got a merch guy to come around with me the whole tour.
>> How many do you think I sold >> across across probably >> how many seats?
>> 18 show. I I I'm talking So we I started doing at the start of the regional tour in Ireland. So we're talking say 5,000 seats.
>> 12.
>> I was I was going to say to >> not 12.
>> 12.
>> What if people didn't like it?
>> I just I just don't know. But the saddest thing was me carrying the boxes into the venue every day.
>> Yeah, of course. What? 5% basically you sold?
>> Not even. Oh, of the t-shirts. Yes.
>> 5% of your money back >> and they have you. Oh, no. We lost a lot.
>> And then also there was a problem with Revolute. So I bought this week contactless thing, >> but because my Revolute was technically a UK Revolute.
>> How you're pronouncing that.
>> Revolute. Is that I thought it was Revolt.
>> Revolute.
>> Although that does sound revolting.
Yeah.
>> Revolute.
>> Is that how you say it?
>> Yeah, that's how you spell it. Never mind. Say it.
>> I saw I' only seen it written down.
>> Revolt. There's a U in it.
>> So it be mental to call it revolt.
>> Revolute.
>> Yeah, that's a whole By the way, it's so branded like it's so well known. It's in the It's massively in the consciousness.
>> I don't know. Is it not re is it not Monzo? What's the one different?
Yeah, but there was a problem with the Revolute thing and then Jordy Robinson who was doing my payments went I was like, "Man, we got to sort this." And he went, >> "I don't think it'll matter." And then, >> "Yeah, you're right."
>> So, I have loads of them left.
>> Yeah.
>> So, I think there's a there's a like vintage shop that's just opened down the town here in Holland. Quiet.
>> I might just I might just sell them in there.
>> I like your we uh toucan Guinness t-shirt. How about 488 Shane Todd hip hop t-shirts?
>> No, there's 230 something like that. But what have you you've had loads made?
>> I've bought loads of tote bags.
>> Do you have a big tote bag crowd?
>> Yeah.
>> Well, I learned this to my shagrin because >> pardon chagrin. Is it shagrin? Is it shagrin?
>> Can I say either way? Never heard that word in my life. Have you not?
Shagrin.
>> Well, that's much to my shagrin.
>> Never. He sounds like a myth mythical Scottish guy. People don't really say it a lot.
>> Shagrin.
>> It's one It's one of these words that you would see written down.
>> Leader of the free folk.
>> Yeah. The shaman shagrin.
>> No, it's like >> William Wallace summons shagrin.
>> I like saying much to my shagrin.
>> Yeah.
>> Much to my shagrin.
>> Yeah.
>> So, what does it mean? It means um this is true and it's [ __ ] me up or I'm unhappy about >> much to my annoyance. Basically my annoyance, >> right? Yeah. But it's like a French version.
>> No one's ever said it here >> like everyone ever said when he was here French.
>> Is it French?
>> Probably.
>> I think it's French.
>> It's one of the slippers.
>> So you find out what you found out to your shin.
>> So they So Chris and Liam used to do this music podcast and you was done a live show at the glee club, right? It was like a 200 seater and how many tote bags did you see? You sold a lot of tote bags.
>> We we ordered I think 50 and we sold 48.
It's pretty good. So >> for them they were like they were like the hardcore fan base.
>> I did not take that in account cuz we done the the nearby pavilion theater capacity of 1,500 and I thought well surely if they can't selling that many tote bags we get like four times as much. I barely sold one.
cuz my people don't wear tote bags tote bags. They're normal people.
>> Are you as your audience a t-shirt wearing audience?
>> It turns out >> Yeah, they like t-shirts. Not necessarily with Shane's face on.
>> Was there like a kind of racial epithet on it or something?
Shane was blacked up in the racial.
That's what you mean by hip hop. That's what I'm thinking.
>> What did it say on it that people be like, "Oh, I don't think I'd be comfortable wearing that."
>> Shane to multiple of my face.
>> Right. Apparently faces are bad.
>> You think so?
>> People are like, "I'm wear another guy's face."
>> This one, though.
>> Oh, that's nice. No, I like faces. I would wear a face on a t-shirt, >> but the >> Do you have any face t-shirts?
>> Yeah, I've got one for the the the Brooklyn wrestler Eddie Kingston, and it's just his face. He's wearing a bandana and he's like and was striking.
>> Would you wear that on stage?
>> No.
>> I used to have a Stone Cold Steve Austin one when I was a kid.
>> Yeah.
>> Just a classic awesome 316.
>> Absolutely. And then I think I remember I remember being on holiday was a bit here actually cuz my mom's pal used to live here and I remember standing at the top of your stairs with two cans of Coke and smashing them together and going and downing them and it was all over my face and the the t-shirt. So Steve Austin, he was 27. Yeah, >> absolutely. sippers. This episode of the Te with me podcast is sponsored by none other than that prize guy. What is that prize guy? As if you don't know, we're talking about Ireland's largest prize competition page. That prize guy's everywhere. I was just ads on Talk Sport. He he he's on all the big pods, sporting events, sporting stadiums.
You've seen the logo. If you don't know the name, we're talking about a website that's done million pound draws. Over over 10 of them, maybe 11 or so. I think 11 >> about 11 million pound draws and everything in between. Dan, give me an example of a prize that's going on that prizegu.co.uk right now, please.
>> So, on the 14th of June, you could win the chance to either win a Lamborghini or a Ferrari or if you wanted cash.
>> Yeah, >> 200 grand in cash.
>> I mean, I'm going with the 200 grand. I think you'd still you're you're more of a car guy than I think.
>> I'm not really, but it's a Ferrari 812 Superfast. I assume all Ferraris are.
>> Yeah. There's no like moderately quick one.
>> There's no need for that.
>> Yeah, >> but it looks nice. And I've I've checked Auto Trader. You could sell them for a little over 200 grand on Auto Trader. So maybe take it for a month.
>> Where do you want to park it?
>> Just out the back here.
>> Right. Unless Willie has his car in the car park two, in which case going to be a very it's going to be worth 40 grand.
www.prizeguy.co.uk.
Dan, a ticket for that. Just off the top of your head, how much would that be?
>> Uh right now it's reduced to 35.
You could get three for just over a pound.
>> It would be how much over a pound?
>> 1.15.
>> No.
>> 1.5.
>> Yes.
>> Thank you.
>> Separate. I also need to point you in the way of our Patreon.
patreon.com/twithme podcast. We do adree. I know you love the ads, but we do adree episodes on Tuesdays. We do bonus episodes on a Monday. Uh the live stream. All our specials are on there. Who wants to be a millionaire? The chase, all the stars in your eye shows, the live pods. We've done uh uh early access tickets for everything we're doing.
patreon.com/twithme podcast. I have a tour of Australia coming up. Shane comedy.com selling really well. Some shows uh still with tickets left. All the big cities and places in Australia. Cheers. Can I say something? You look like uh with that shirt on, the way you came in those glasses. You know what you look like?
>> A sexy preacher.
>> A sexy preacher. I'll take that. like a moral like you know those it hillside hill >> hill song >> you look like a hill song guy >> I'll take it I don't know what that is but I'll take >> hill songs like faith healing it's like the American mega churches have this kind of cold play style uh like my my ex-girlfriend used to did that like two ex-girlfriends ago >> she was in it >> she was she wasn't in hell >> two ex-girlfriends ago is a wide way to describe it surely >> no periods in your life is two ex-girlfriends ago >> that era of my life of on >> the with the people shaking and stuff like that.
>> Yeah. Like I went down one. She was like, "Oh, come down to the >> So they do Hillside.
>> Hill Song. This was in St. Andrews.
>> I thought Hill Song was just in LA for but Oh, they so they have like we Scottish versions of like a we granic one or something."
>> So >> I thought Hollywood was just in LA [ __ ] here. You know, >> it's like Hill Song is like the band, but they are for all these different types of churches that are like there was because it's St. Andrews, it's a big kind of international university for rich people. So, there's a lot of American people there. And then >> uh the the the guy would stand at the front, what was he called? The kind of leader of the church. And he would go, "If anybody needs healing, come down."
And he puts their hand on the face and he shakes them about like that. It was >> like a shake your face.
>> Yeah. Like, >> oh. Oh.
>> Have you ever seen them? They kind of convulse and all that, don't they? And like they've been taken over by the spirit.
>> Yeah. Speaking in tongues. For the benefit of the listener, I shook my own head and my coffee spilled on my balls >> cuz you I I think >> switch over to the YouTube just to see that.
>> I think you didn't have to shake your head that much, but you committed massively to the bit. I love that you have a great head for shaking like the way your hair goes. And you as well, mate.
>> Thank you very much.
>> You actually have good like heads for shaking.
>> Thanks, man. I think your head's good for shaking as well.
>> Nah, >> yours is good for keeping still, I would say.
>> Yeah, for photos to put on t-shirts.
>> Apparently not. Um, I like that you two are on tour at the minute together. I like that.
>> Yeah.
>> I like it when people know each other.
>> You needed a driver.
>> Oh, >> I needed a friend.
>> Yes.
>> And I found one.
>> You've got both.
>> It's nice.
>> Uh, do you sit up front and then he's in the back?
>> We had one.
>> No, I think that would make me feel too much like a taxi driver.
>> Uh, I like to sit and there to be some kind of parody >> I >> with it, you But it's interesting cuz like most people would get an opener who is like new.
>> Yeah.
>> I would rather just hang out with my >> Well, that's what I do with Willie Hill.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Now it's your technically it's your tour. So do you pick the music?
>> No. I mean we've been listening to [ __ ] political talk radio like a absolute dweeb.
>> We had we were in Dublin the other day.
Crazy. Like it sounded like a parody of what you would imagine Irish radio is like in it.
>> It was well it was called today FM.
>> Today FM. Yeah. Yeah, >> there was a cuz I think it was like National Leprechaun Day or something. So they were >> Yeah. By the way, can you can you have a bit of respect when you talk about that?
>> But they were interviewing this guy and they were obviously on the wind up with money cuz they were like string them on for ages. But he was basically saying that he has seen leprechauns and they're like a foot and a half tall and and one point he goes WBA. He talked about he didn't know what the [ __ ] he was talking about.
>> Yeah. He was giving WBA hard time much.
Yeah.
>> He's got into the water game. Yeah.
Yeah.
Water. Why is this with it?
>> We had water in a [ __ ] hotel.
>> And I was I didn't know if how widespread it was cuz is it just like is it just the mild drawn hotel doing?
>> It's not see to my knowledge it's not available in shops, >> right?
>> Do you get me? So it's like a it's very much a hotel thing.
>> Business to business.
>> Yeah.
>> B2B.
>> So that's more successful than t-shirts.
>> B2B.
>> B2B.
>> Yeah. Business business.
>> All right.
>> All right. You >> And that was what I was >> just I was saying B2B and I thought you didn't know I meant business to business. You thought I hadn't >> shortened that to business to business.
>> No, I would have said B2B, but I thought for the layman I will say business to business.
>> Right. I wish I could think of the phrase you said earlier.
>> Much to your chagrin.
>> I was going to say that right there, but I'll never remember. Shagrin sounds like a we leprechaun.
>> Yeah. Shagrin. Yeah, the Chinese leprechaun.
>> Yeah, >> that's what they call me.
>> That's an Easter.
>> The next t-shirts are going to be wild.
>> Oh, that would be that. Please mark that. That would be great.
>> A we green jacketed gnome with one of the kind of pointy hats.
>> Chinese leopard.
>> The brace patty hats. That's going to look great. I could sell the hats.
>> Yeah, the whole crowd sitting there with [ __ ] Kung Lao from >> bag. That was lovely. You need to get your tote bag to carry your hat home without being accused of racial crime.
>> So, I'd never worn a tote bag and then I I got given one at some sort of show at Bluey Live, >> right?
>> I got a tote bag and uh >> the opening for them.
>> Yeah.
Who's drinking tonight?
>> Who's on the fruit shoot? Get him out.
Um but uh but they gave me a tote bag >> and I wore it once last week and I it's something I would like to do in private.
>> Do you know what I mean? I don't think I publicly wear a tote bag.
>> I'm a tote bag king.
>> Oh, I know.
>> You know, >> you've been in that game for a long time.
>> A long long time. I I'll take one anyway. I like it.
>> How many would you say you have?
>> Um mate, lifetime.
>> How many? Yeah.
>> 89. When did you get your first one? How many ex-girlfriends ago?
>> That was that was her. She introduced me to a lot of stuff. You know, rel she introduced me to Hill Song and the canvas totes.
>> Yeah.
>> And uh I just like it. I think it's like a kind of you walk about wearing a tote bag and you're basically saying to the world, I'm not a threat.
>> Yeah.
>> You can chill out.
>> Yeah.
>> Do you know I was reading about this and it's like do you know when people are kind of in shops and like just a we bit of small talk just not really saying anything? Yeah. It's the same as like when two guinea pigs are in a hutch together for the first time and they'll just make wee noises to go, I'm not going to do anything.
>> Like what we noise >> that two guinea pigs will make that noise and that's just a kind of >> See, I we don't know if that's bang on or not. The make >> I think they would be making that noise doing other stuff as well to be honest.
>> Yeah, that's kind of their only noise.
It sounds like both their wehe and if they were if they were shagging like Yeah.
Yeah. My teacher has mimicked.
>> You know that phrase, add it like guinea pigs.
>> Yeah.
>> Do you have a guinea pig grow up?
>> No. Much to my chagrin.
>> Any pets?
>> I I used to have a tortoise.
>> Did you actually?
>> So, yeah. So, the tortoise, right? And I used to have a tortoise and my mom's pal had a tortoise as well, right? We watched going.
>> Difference between tortoise and tortoise is it should it should be said to right.
>> I think it's kind of it's a revol.
>> Yeah. situation again.
>> Um, revolute.
>> Can I say can I say the real answer? Uh, turtles are amphibious.
>> That's not as >> he said turtles and tortoises.
>> What's the difference between >> Mark's ready to throw down over tortoises?
>> What was the question?
>> Just the pronunciation of tortoise. He wasn't he wasn't asking about turtles and >> tto.
Sorry.
>> Turtles are the ones in water. Sorry.
>> Turtles are in WBA's water.
>> Yeah. and tortoises >> much grin >> eat the pizza >> the so we had this tortoise right but then my my mom's p to as well I think that's what inspired us to get one >> and then we watched it for two weeks while they were away in holiday in America right >> easily done too to watch it for two weeks >> absolutely but these things are meant to live like over 100 years >> it died on our watch >> it died on our watch and we had so we had but we didn't know if it was dead in it shell so we had to take it up to a small animal hospital um up near Glasgow, right?
>> Was it the animals that were small? The building was small.
>> It was both.
>> By the way, what's the cut off?
>> It was like leprechauns.
Leprechauns.
>> Is a dog a cut off?
>> I think they're not. No, I think anything that's like wouldn't you wouldn't go to the vet. You go to the vet for a a dog, but a tortoise is a small animal. I think probably your guinea pigs, etc. would all be that.
Chihuahua. Surely >> that's small.
>> I don't think it's going to a separate hospital that other dogs aren't going to like it would >> it would demand to >> any of these kind of things. So we took it upright but they said they didn't know if it was dead or not cuz they said it could just be hibernating but there's a wee bit of a smell comfort. We think it's dead. So it was like Schrodinger's tortoise. We had no idea if it was alive or dead but they basically said 95% think it's dead. So we just put it in the the freezer. But then we had to tell like so mama's pal still. So >> she's in America.
>> She's in America. She comes back. We need to break the news to her that our tortoise is dead.
>> But the thing was called Sheldon, right?
It was name Sheldon. And my mom was obviously she was doting over the tortoise more than our one. And oh Sheldon. That's Sheldon.
>> What was yours called?
>> Ours was called Fred.
>> No, that's good. No pun.
>> Yeah. No, but the but when I came back that day and my mom was like Mark Sheldon's died and I was busted laughing cuz I just thought obviously no. And then it turned out it was real. And then so I said we had to break the news and we had to bring it back in a we box and that and they buried it in the garden and then our toy we are to serial killers basically in our family.
>> Yours went too.
>> How bad did the friend take the news?
Was she pretending like all these things happened but she was raging? I think they were they were understanding but the thing is right cuz it died cuz it was peeing a lot and I think there was some underlying it had an underlying health issue but the the for all they know diabetes.
>> Yeah. For all they know we could have just [ __ ] kicked it across the flare by accident or something and they they need to take our word for it.
>> Yes. But so I if I was me I would have my suspicions especially given you know if you've got a healthy tortoise it's at the start of its century of life decade.
>> How did yours die?
>> H we kicked across the floor.
>> But you would have to take yours in because if it was outside seagulls would attack it.
>> That's true. Well no um that that did happen sometimes. No, I don't know how it happened, but when mine's died, I was actually away at the time, but my dad was getting the kitchen done, and I thought it was suspicious that we're not going to have the tortoise droppings on that new [ __ ] floor in the kitchen.
So, I think my dad might have killed the tortoise.
>> Probably sealed it up or something.
>> Yeah.
>> Painted it up.
>> The way a landlord does like old >> like this we speed bump in the kitchen.
>> That is what it was like though.
Sometimes you'd come in, what the [ __ ] is that? You just stood on the shelf.
>> What enjoyment does it give you? Like >> not barely anything. You get absolutely nothing out of them.
>> Does he ever look at you like with love?
>> Sometimes they would look up to you and go >> and open the thing. And then if you see if you you stroke the back of the shell, that's where they feel it the most.
>> So then but then you need to clean up the [ __ ] >> Does he excrete any food?
So, it was a really It was I was a really selfish lover when it came.
>> That's horrible. It is.
>> Yeah, it is.
>> What pets did you have?
>> I had a guinea pig called Rodney. I could see you with a wee bat.
>> A bat? Yeah. I'd love a bat cuz some bats are cool.
>> Yeah.
>> You're quite bat- almost like a bat yourself.
>> Yeah. I wish I could fly. And um >> Where would you go up?
>> I know.
>> You have to like >> Nobody's flying. Well, you technically be going down if you're hanging.
>> Yeah, that just looks so fun to be upside down at night.
>> Yeah, I would like to be in a sleeping bag suspended to the ceiling just to kind of experience.
>> You could do it.
>> Yeah, >> if you wanted to, >> but then you need to clean up all the gum.
fishing catch.
>> Much of my chicken.
>> Yeah, I would love a bat cuz some bats are basically dogs with wings and then some bats are like their faces are inside out and they're screaming the whole time and you're like >> Yeah. Would you want a bat?
>> You don't see You don't hear about them as much. Like, >> no.
>> Sure you don't.
>> You would need to take them to the small animal hospital.
>> Oh, big time.
>> Big time.
>> What do you mean they're dogs with wings?
>> Sometimes you see one you're like that's just >> does have a we dog head. It's got a weird cute head and he's like looking about like that and you're like that's great. Sometimes their noses are [ __ ] prominent and like >> it's just horrible bat face. It's like really breed by breed bats I think.
>> Yeah. Um so you're you are happy to listen to like political radio when you're around. I I don't like that. Like >> well there's a lot of controversy in the car over the the leprechaun issue.
>> Yeah.
All right, there's too much coffee in my and the the tone of whiplash you're going through from cleaning up that was in my kitchen.
>> It's like so what's happening with Kmer's resignation? You know, is it in the post or >> I think Andy Burnham can win.
>> Loved his special during co >> that bet where he had the jacket and Andy Burnham's jacket in Manchester was just awesome.
>> What? Andy Burnham's jacket during co is that what you're talking about? I was making a joke that I was refusing Andy Burnham with Burnham, but I'm delighted I got a laugh.
>> Oh, I see what you done there.
>> He did have a special moment during co so it made sense. What did he do?
>> He he stood up for like do you remember like Manchester all the waiters were like m we are going to be if you don't sort this out so as we can get paid to stay home then we're all basically homeless. And Andy Burnham put a jacket on and went in the drain and he went let's [ __ ] get this sorted. People were like that's cool >> right?
>> Um is that true? He was wearing a fleece over >> jacket. Fleece. I mean, a fleece isn't a jacket.
>> No, I'm not saying it, isn't it? I'm just What I thought it was funny is as you were telling that story, you realized really it just wasn't wearing a suit. That was >> the country decided this guy's a bit different.
>> Sippers, this episode of Te with me podcast is also sponsored by none other than NordVPN. I'm talking about the world's number one virtual private network. In October, I'm going to Australia for a tour. I'll be out there for like nine days. I'll be missing home. As well as missing my wife and kids, I'll also be missing the quality content that comes out of local television. You know, I'll want to watch, for example, D. What's a show on on our BBC right now?
>> Peelers.
>> Peelers with Steven Nolan. I'll be out there in Australia when I miss home. I want to see I want to see some guy getting into a scuffle outside a city center bar. I can watch Stevie Nolan run about getting in the way. I can go on BBCi Player and watch that. Now, if you try to do that, if you're in Australia, you're going to watch it say not available in your region. NordVPN, one account covers 10 devices. So, I could be doing this at home and friends and family all around the world could be sharing my account and doing the same thing. I could say, "Hey, NorVPN, I'm in Belfast, but I'm actually in Australia."
But I wouldn't, that's not me. See that second bit? I'm just saying that in my own head. I go, "I'm in Belfast." I go, "Yep, no problem. I'm in Belfast. I get the content from there." There's also things like uh threat protection feature. You add your passwords. If you're joining public Wi-Fi, all that sort of thing. NordVPN.com/twithme.
If you sign up for a 2-year plan, you get four months for free on us. The link is in the description.
But >> do you uh do you guys stop at service stations?
>> Yeah.
>> Oh yeah. Apple Apple be Apple Green.
>> Green.
>> I've I've said this and I think I said this when you were on our pod recently saying Shane, but h I do prefer the British service stations. So when we come back over the borders, we did when we come up.
>> You might not make it after that.
>> Listen, I just think an M&S wellbean cafe, >> all this kind of stuff that I'm used to.
I like this. See your apple your circle K. I don't know what this is.
>> Hey. Hey. Apple Green has an M ands collab.
>> All right. I didn't know that.
>> So, next time you're in, open your eyes.
Mark.
>> I didn't know that.
>> What was the one we were at?
>> There's we many Apple Greens in there, >> right?
>> In a lot of them.
>> Is Apple Greens just a service station or is that shops?
>> Just a service station. It's a way of life.
>> It's a gateway to happiness, my friend.
>> It's an MS. >> It depends which one you go to, but there's there's one with a Taco Bell, >> right? Can I tell you about the one we went to yesterday?
>> Yes.
>> Between Dublin, Belfast, >> Lusk or Castle Bellingham?
>> I'll describe it and you can tell me.
>> Well, they all look the same, >> right?
>> I don't know if you can say that, but >> sorry. I mean, they're all like >> walked in.
>> Some of my best friends at that.
>> That t-shirt would sell.
>> Is it the one closest to Dublin or closer to Belfast?
>> Closer here, I think. Yeah.
Halfway. And um we're in there and then there's a kind of right in the middle.
Now >> is this >> roughly >> three? Okay. Have two. Walk in there's like a [ __ ] big CD stand for like Christy M CDs and Best of Driving compilations.
>> Jedward does Jazz.
>> Jedward does Jazz.
>> Four disc set.
>> Yeah. All the hits of Juke Ellington have been renditioned by these two freaks.
>> And what? Huh?
>> They're freaks, >> bro.
>> I like them, but they're freaky dicky.
>> Man doesn't know music.
>> You've not heard jazz that we had does jazz.
>> No, but they're they're doing their best.
>> Go ahead.
>> Okay. So, that's there. And then there's >> Where did you finish X Factor?
>> Where did that finish?
>> Yeah.
>> Where did they finish? They didn't win.
>> No.
>> No.
>> But >> they done well.
>> They done well.
>> Okay.
>> That was an example of why democracy does not work.
That's an example.
>> Is Jedward getting so far or not winning depending on your political affiliation.
>> Who are they in it with?
>> Matt Card.
>> Some big hitters probably.
>> Yeah, it would mean probably lost to Leona Lewis.
>> Well, if it was Matt Carlo. No, it wasn't Matt Carlo cuz he was One Direction year. Dan's going to look at >> this is why we need to go to the the V machine.
>> Dan pretending he doesn't already know.
He's a huge X actor head.
>> He knows like go see the live tour every year.
>> See, while we're waiting on this guy, >> can I just share this with you Shane?
Right. Cuz we were talking Chris was telling me the other day he's been trying to get his steps in. So you've been trying to do 10,000 a day >> and then can you tell Shane how many you done the other day?
>> That's what he told me. Right. Tell you what he told me.
>> Listen, in this modern age, you have to deal with burnout in your own way, things like that.
>> I've been on tour.
>> No, just tell him straight and see what he if he think >> is this in this in a 24-hour period.
>> Yes. Most Well, that's an interesting number. Most uh days I'm getting between 7,000 to 15,000 >> and these are fine.
>> Y >> the other day I thought I'm not going to move today and I got 24 steps in a day.
The way he told me it is he goes, "I done 24." And I went, "Oh, like 2,000 24,000."
>> I went hill walking.
>> 24 steps.
>> 24. I never even poss.
>> No. No. It was It was a crazy It was a slow day for me.
>> Yeah.
>> That tortoise did more steps.
>> It was deep covered and come. Yeah.
Here's my >> And we know what a day in the flat means. So I think you are sure I'm thinking surely he's walked more steps and not taken his phone. Perhaps >> surely.
>> Yes. But you're confident that was about 24.
>> If you I mean you don't know how small my flat is, man. There's a lot of boxes full of tote bags that are not being sold.
>> And you glide quite a bit as well.
>> You're not necessarily stepping.
>> He's got a segway in the house. People with tote bags don't really step like >> No, you just grab a handle each and you you use it as a parachute.
>> Mince some would say they mince tote bag isn't a sexual thing.
>> So you go into this Oh, sorry. What? Who else was on Xack of the year?
>> So it was series six and they finished sixth uh top three Stacy Solomon Ours Joe Mckeldry.
>> That's a [ __ ] really good lineup.
>> That's a stacked year. Solomon and Muzz and Jed.
>> Absolutely. You seen Murzy's last album?
He was doing a lot of like sky.
>> He was doing like the special type stuff. Oi.
>> Yeah.
>> Have you had you had Ollie M on this?
No.
>> You could have Ollie M on this. I reckon >> I think we could get M.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. I mean, if he was Yeah. If If he was here and he wanted to do it, I would get I would get him. remember that time he thought a terrorist attack was happening but it was just a car made a noise near him and he was tweeting I'm pirates and I'm behind I'm behind a bunch of jackets I think there was 911 part >> I think I think you'd actually get I saw him at a service station in England once that had a Nando at it big one outside London >> and Nando in a service Oh right okay >> you do get I mean that's the thing is that >> I think there's like M&S >> no no >> I've got a lot more respect for Irish service stations than Mark personally but I do think that there are is there like a kind of tea bay type situation here where it's like, you know, a farmhouse service station. Is there a kind of a duck pond?
>> It's like a garden center of cafe.
>> No, not not like a service station kind.
I think you I think you'd actually get on well say you were on a night out with Mr. I think you go he is so sound and he'd be like the life and soul of the party and then I think you would see a wee bit of sadness in his eyes as the night went on.
>> Yeah.
>> A wee bit of sadness and he would go >> you right. He go, "Yeah, yeah, don't worry." And you can say, and he go, "Nah, no, no, no, no.
>> A we bit of sadness in his eyes sounds like an Olly M track."
>> The new album from Olly M.
>> Hey, let's all pretend Dear Darling is in a banger like >> H. What was that? Does he have heart skips a beat? My heart skips a beat.
Was that him or was that >> That last bit isn't in the song. It never goes like that.
Boo. You just added that. But yeah, that's him.
>> That's him.
>> He He was awesome.
>> He was some fun. Do you know what he was doing? Making fun music.
>> Uhhuh. For moms.
>> Fair play, too.
>> Fun guy.
>> So, you you walk into the Apple room, you see the CD stuff.
>> So, the CDs that there's I like the Irish um >> Oar sadness in his eyes is not there.
>> Yeah. I can find the great Oar unfortunately.
>> I'll end it. The little dairy milks that you get here that are made with Irish milk are pretty phenomenal.
>> Those are dynamite. Those are absolutely dynamite bars.
>> Different factory than the British dairy milks.
>> Well, then I think as well I don't know if we get the sugar tax the way you guys do >> with juice like with fizzy drinks.
>> Yeah. But I I I don't know if it's the same in Ireland as it would be in Scotland for example.
>> In Scotland it got stricter cuz that's why I and Brew had to get rid of that.
>> But you were going hard for years on the sugar.
>> Absolutely. You did need rain then a bit.
>> So much so that we had to Yeah, we had to >> You'll be the first to admit and you're one of the biggest culprits of it. Like that is not your first Iron Brew of the Day.
>> No, I like I've had some Club Rock Sandy as well.
>> Yeah. The 6:00 a.m. for the listeners.
>> But you're like Scotland had it good with sugar for a while. But the civil liberties, we deserve to be able to abuse ourselves if we weren't.
>> Well, would because in Scotland you can only buy drink until 10:00 p.m. and let an off license. Do you have that here?
>> Probably. Yeah. Cut off 10. Yeah, probably.
>> Yeah. But it's like it's weird. You need to explain it to English folk and then when folk are up for the fringe or something like that and then they think they can >> What do you mean I can't get a beer at 10:30?
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. And that's always hanging out with regent lords.
>> Yeah, >> the landed gentry.
>> What do you mean I can't get port? This gentleman won't serve me ter.
>> I want to get out of my box, you [ __ ] philanderer.
>> Well, I was in London one time and I was coming back to my mate's house party, right? And uh so on the way back, it was about half 12 at night or something and then our news agents people were buying drink.
>> Yeah. But well, he was putting it in he was putting in blast black plastic bags and a black bin bag. So I thought, "Oh, this guy's doing it on the fly."
>> Yes.
>> So I like bought the thing [ __ ] run back to the house party. My mates for Glasgow and I was like, "Mate, I got some [ __ ] drink." And he's like, "Yeah, you can like >> like, yeah, you you like to go see boss man when you're in London."
>> What? Like in a shop?
>> Yeah. Bossman >> news agents like >> Yeah, I like to. You're buying like sodas.
>> Yeah.
>> Like American cream soda. All different stuff. We black bag >> soda drinks. Like kind of fizzy pop wise. I like to get yitos.
You know >> what's that?
>> Oh, the drinks you were getting like we Mexican places. Yeah. They're fun.
>> Pineapple yoritos in a glass bottle.
>> Cuz this guy, do you not find this difficult to stay up very late watching wrestling? I always say to him about it.
>> Do you know I've changed? See, since back then I've actually I've taken magnesium now, >> right?
>> He's he's a wrestler.
>> He's the intercontinental champion.
Magnesium face on.
>> It's magnesium. It's summer slam. I'm going to take you.
>> You're on the magnesium.
>> I've changed. I'm fed up being a we bat boy.
>> You are a bat up till 4 in the morning watching wrestle. Maybe I can be a shrew now because I've stopped staying up watching wrestling and I'm trying. I went to bed last night.
Shane Todd approved time of half 10.
>> Unbelievable.
>> Shane, you would not believe how much of a big deal he's made about the fact that we had to be here for 10:00 in the morning. Yeah.
>> Like he's like, "Oh no, I'm going straight home after the gig. Oh no, I need to get such an early start." I'm like, "What the [ __ ] are you talking about?
>> This guy changed." this guy. Like if you said to me 5 years ago, you'd be like, "No, man. There's a they're wrestle in some guy's garden in Tokyo. I've got to live stream it." You know, and he'd be like >> 4 a.m.
>> 24/7.
>> You're you're a party man. Like I wouldn't say I'm >> You are You are a party man.
>> I'm not a party man.
>> But a party man would never call himself a party man.
>> That's true.
>> Yeah.
>> But I'm not I'm not a drugs guy or anything.
>> I never said you were.
>> That's by number one telltale sign of a drug. Don't you? Never taking Coke.
>> I did not inhale. I did not inhale.
>> You like a good night out? Well, how do I sell heroin?
>> Yeah. No, I like it. I like how you drink a lot when I'm on the road or whatever. But uh No, but I just, you know, I kept it easy. But I had like two pints after the gig basically and that was it. And >> you met up with Thomas Green.
>> I met up with Thomas.
>> H he had several of his hangers on there.
>> Does he have Did he have an alter?
>> I guess it was people that were at the show.
>> Oh, >> yeah. Yeah. So, um, no, I caught up behind him a we bit and, uh, yeah, he's never island.
>> No, he loves it.
>> Get [ __ ] getting the Brits island. Get the Aussie out. That's >> I think he's been cloned, >> Tom.
>> Cuz he's he's in too many places.
>> Yeah.
>> See, if you look at his website, he's in >> Belfast, Brisbane, >> Brighton, the same night. Only place a big one would be. But he's like he's in different places every night. Like, >> imagine you found out somebody in you had a twin, identical twin, but they never told them to.
>> Yeah. And they could be in two places at once.
>> Yep.
>> That be a doppelganger they call it in Germany.
>> Is that what that means?
>> That's just something that looks like an identical twin.
>> It's not a twin.
>> That's a clone. That's like a freaky double.
>> If you had an identical twin, what would you do, Shane?
>> [ __ ] it.
>> That was too quick. That was too quick.
>> How would you [ __ ] your identical twin?
>> With so much ease. Yeah. Like it. No, I wouldn't. Like I wouldn't. I actually wouldn't. No.
>> No.
>> What if he wanted you to?
>> I just have to be like I'd be like listen I understand like trust me like I've thought about it but I just don't want to. I find I do find you really attractive.
>> Yeah.
>> Like you're so hot.
>> You're telling me the pod door opens.
Smoke.
>> Talk me through. Talk me through.
>> Okay. You wake up in a lab. You're shaking your head. You're in a lab coat.
You're like >> normal day so far.
SO I and I but I'm working there.
>> Yeah. You don't know. You're kind of like groggy. You're like, I can't remember what I did last night.
>> You wake up, you know, blurry eyed. You scrub the sleep for the corner of your eye and you look over at your pod and in there you see a we electric letters, you know, like a microwave and it says complete. You go, "What the fuck?" Hit open screen door.
All the smoke comes out. Smoke clears.
You're standing there in the pod exact double of you. And he's like, "Huh?" And he leans forward and he goes, "Shag me.
He was telling me you would right." And he's and he's going, "I've never heard that word before." What was that? Shag green.
>> Shag green.
>> Can't be honest.
>> Quick 69 for like two minutes and that's it. But no. Yeah. You cartwheel up >> just a quick like what's that like and then that's it.
>> Yeah. And then you hit delete on the button and kill him. So he can't tell anybody.
>> Oh, we can kill him. Couldn't do that.
>> Fair enough.
>> You could do gigs in other places.
>> You could yourself on the podcast.
>> I just have them out doing shows and tours >> and you been in the house drinking.
>> He carried the t-shirts that I'm not going to sell.
>> Yeah, I'll do that. We had a thought about te on the way here cuz we seen the Nambari sign and I thought is Barry and Nambari related and I thought this you're the person to ask probably.
>> Oh were you saying Nambari tea and Barry's tea? You're wondering if that there's like a bit of >> same guy and a different guy.
>> Definitely not the same guy. Um >> we thought Nan Barry might have been his name in the north and then Barry in the south.
>> I wouldn't rule that out. Stuff like that happens like but no Barry Barry >> now that's great now that's good >> now that is good >> but I don't joke when it comes to tea separate companies but see see Barry's tea the there's a red box of it and a green see the green box of it >> now that's tea >> that's tea like it's really good hard to find harder to find down here but really good >> the green berry box >> yeah I'll keep an eye out for that >> but really good Where you where you going after this? Cork >> drive, boys.
>> 4 hours or something like that.
>> Do you ever sleep in the car when he's driving?
>> He might today. Do >> you think it's bad etiquette?
>> I think it's really bad etiquette.
>> So do I. William Thompson does it all the time.
>> Does he?
>> He can. He He'll But he always preface it by going, "Uh, mate, I I'll stay up with you." And I go, "Mate, don't don't worry about it, but I'm just saying that out of politeness." And I look around, >> but he's a party boy >> big time.
>> He's out drinking >> big time.
>> He likes to be on the scene. He's he's on the scene like >> Yeah.
>> Especially like say Edinburgh at the Fringe.
>> He'll be he'll be floating around like >> Yeah.
>> Up to no.
>> But you were a big floater. You'd have been floating around.
>> You'd have seen you everywhere at the >> way of saying your sh >> What? I don't Well, shit's float in the toilet.
>> Ah, no. I just mean so hope >> in the toilet.
>> Hope floats.
>> That's the thing goes. But h at the Well, you know, I like to just at the fridge. I don't go out every night, but when I do go out, I like to cause an absolute nuisance.
>> Yes.
>> And really annoy people and you're a mammoth.
>> Drink daquiries.
>> Yeah.
>> And then just like roll about the floor and then people are like, "God, do you like a drink?" You're like, "Well, once in a blue moon." I think binge drinking is really underrated.
>> Yes. Yes.
>> More people should do that, I think.
>> Yeah. Like save it up.
>> If you're just constantly drinking, that's a waste of life. But if you're going to get on it, >> Yeah.
>> fire up the dairy machine.
>> Yeah. We drinking on tour. Why? They were in Dublin two nights ago. We were hitting the hitting the hitting the the scoops.
We're scooping it up.
>> That sounded like a politician who's never drank before. We were hitting the hitting the hitting the is it the scoops they call it?
>> A few jars of scoop beers, you know.
>> I said, "Give me three scoops, please."
Barman >> barkeep three of your final scoops.
>> It's a big dry. You going to have to break that up with I'd say two stops today. Where do you recommend?
>> I would say go early for a stop.
>> So stop at the Apple Green at Lisburn.
>> Mhm.
>> Mhm.
>> Just when you're finished, um, stop at the Apple Green at Lisburn and just like get some stuff for the drive. Get some snacks for the drive.
>> Stock up on Dairy Milk Golden Crisp.
>> There's a Chick-fil-A there.
>> There's a in America Chick-fil-A is like deeply homophobic. It's a religious chicken restaurant. How can chicken be homop? What do you mean?
>> Yeah, >> just like it'll say on the side of the box and all like, "Oh, gays are wick."
>> Yeah, they're not open on Sundays in America.
>> Yeah, I saw that. That's mad, isn't it?
>> And they they refuse to hire or serve gay people. I think >> No, I think so.
>> But what's How do they know? Like if you go up >> If you get your tote bag, >> say if you went up like this. Say if you went up like this. Oh, can I have a chicken sandwich?
You're saying they go, "No."
>> Right.
>> Get out of here.
>> Wow.
>> Certain they're like, "No, too much mayonnaise in your burger.
>> Sorry.
>> Get out of here, brother."
>> You've got Chick-fil-A, you've got Lavatza. Okay.
>> You've got Subway, Gregs, couple other and the M&S in there. So you go there >> and >> then you're going to hit the drive pretty hard and then keep go go through Dublin and then you're going to hit >> Oh, it's the is the Port Leash one on the way there.
>> Is that a good one?
>> What's the deal with the tolls? Why is there so many tolls in Ireland? There's a lot of tolls when you drive through >> to pay for the roads.
>> We need that, right?
>> We needed the roads. Like so we got to pay for it, right? I see. But there is there's a load of them like >> Yeah, there's too many I would say.
>> Yeah, >> get rid of the tolls.
>> It's quite an oldfashioned thing, isn't it?
>> Yeah, >> it is.
>> You must pay this to be tip a penny and >> I live near the bridge outside Glasgow and they used to it was a toll >> biggest suicide spot in Scotland.
>> Mhm. Yeah. But that that's not it's just because of the the surrounding areas really. Uh >> so if you go in the Wikipedia, >> it's not something about the bridge. You say >> I think it's like having it too. It's like it's like having a revolver next to you when you're the best.
>> Yeah, >> that's what having a bridge like that is is is like having when you live in that kind of area.
>> But I was really proud for you cuz I was in the Wikipedia for top suicide spots in the world >> and it's top h >> why >> I just curious bridge >> huh bridge for it. I'll be there next week.
>> Yeah. And oh I'm not going to.
>> But yeah, but see all the netting around it. They have this like we so I'll normally like I like to like run it or recycle it or something and then they have like a net for the first bit of it and you go oh you couldn't even and then all you would need to do is walk for another 1 minute and then the net just stops.
>> Yeah. So I think if you're late if you if your step counts like you you're not going to do it >> but if you're an active walker >> another 24 steps I think you could do it like >> if these people are depressed they're only going to do about 24 steps anyway.
So we just need to get that much net and then after that it's fine. That's awesome.
>> It won't be at risk.
>> I mean, it's one of those things where like if you jump and you get caught in that net, is that not a fate worse than death?
>> Yeah.
>> Just to be scooped up like a fair ground goldfish.
>> And then you're like, "No, it's rest."
You know, >> you know, I just like relaxing.
>> And they do that in like apple factories in China, don't they? They have the nets outside the windows cuz people keep trying to jump.
>> So specific.
>> So the guys at the orange factories are sweet.
>> See, I've done the same thing as you there.
>> The banana boys are loving it. No, no, no, no. I done the same. I initially meant >> Yeah.
>> Apple the company >> all my life. All my life. Not the Chinese apple factory.
>> I swear to God.
>> Apples in the f.
>> Do you know? Do you know who works in the the Chinese apple factory? The Chinese leprechauns.
>> But you know, wait, do you think apples come for factories?
>> Yeah, they're called trees, brother.
It's a production >> factories.
>> Oh, that's not how it's >> anyone thought about that.
>> Fact trees.
>> There you go.
>> Factotem comes from the Greek >> for [ __ ] knows.
>> Uh yeah, but they have nets outside that do they?
>> Yeah, from the windows.
>> Ah, cuz uh they're [ __ ] hands.
>> Well, they give them windows.
>> Pretty good. People are jumping over them. But ah yeah, >> I was making a windows apple joke.
>> Yeah. top suicide spots in Scotland.
There's also uh obviously I've spoken on my podcast, but there's the dog suicide uh bridge.
>> There's a bridge that dogs in Scotland, I think it's in Dumbartan.
>> Yes, it's in Dumbart.
>> They're compelled to jump off it and one of them survived, went right back up, jumped off.
>> Why? There's like a wee bit of dangling pedigree jump >> off the end of it.
>> People used to think it was because there was some sort of like ghost or something that was encouraging them to jump, but I think it was it's just like the the layout of it. It just looks like a wee thing that dogs go, "What the [ __ ] there?" But it turns it's a big drop and they'll die.
>> Surely they should net that up. No.
>> Yeah.
>> Don't walk your dog at the Barton.
>> Yeah.
>> But it's like if you're walking your dog at the dog suicide net, it's like come on.
>> Yeah. Yeah. I think then you're looking to have less responsibilities.
>> It's like sending your tortoise to the seagull park. It's like >> or his house.
>> Yeah.
>> But the seagulls go after tortoises right now.
>> Yeah. Why? to peck at the little heads and legs and feet.
>> It's a good bit of meat under that shell.
>> Oh no, it's all coming out. We know what the Jennings is have for dinner that day soup.
>> That's what they always eat in cartoons when they washed up on like islands.
They go they'd see a tortoise and their tongues would start waggling.
>> Is it cuz the shell is like a bowl?
>> Yeah. Yeah, you can pretty much just put that.
>> You drink a coconut on the side.
>> I would love to drink a coconut with a straw in it. You could I'll be what time do you guys have to leave at cuz I could make that happen for you if you me coconut >> I'll go to the coconut factory right now.
>> It's just down the road. Chinese coconut factory.
>> Yeah. They need to put up so cuz they'll drink suicide.
>> Can I tell you this is my first time in Hollywood? Hollywood.
>> Hollywood. And I seen that uh pink church.
>> Yes.
>> That's very beautiful church.
>> It's lovely. It sits right back off the main street, so you'd almost like miss it. But this sounds sly, but I don't know anybody who goes there or anything.
>> Do you know what I mean? But it should be like preserved. Like that'll be a [ __ ] a Chick-fil-A probably in a couple of months.
>> Well, a pink churches, you know, if you are a homophobic religious person, you're not going to go there, are you?
>> No. But then, you know, these homophobes are so often closeted gays themselves that it's like subconsciously they'd be like, "Oh, wow. Pink Church's fantastic.
I'll build my homophobic chicken empire there." But ultimately, you You're biting your own hand to feed you.
>> Yeah, you're biting your own hand to feed you.
>> But it but it is beautiful that that church. It's nice.
>> I just thought it looked like a Wes Anderson masterpiece. I was just like, "Wow."
>> Do you like this town?
>> It's very nice. I like the last last time I was here, we just parked right outside. So, but we had to go along the the high street there. But it's very uh Yeah, it's very bougie. It's quite nice.
>> Super bougie. It's nice. We would call We would say it's the Dumb Barton of Northern >> Demands. No bougie.
>> A lot of dogs coming inside here.
I'm wondering do can we get can we have lunch after this but you might need to hit the road.
>> I think we've got time.
>> Where would you where would you take us?
We take you to Joser across the road spot.
>> Did you come with us last time though?
>> No. No.
>> Oh bu that.
>> What's does Joser is that like a get Scottish people >> to be restaurant? Why? What do you mean?
Oh like jocks.
>> Oh we'll take you to the jockers.
>> Is scotch offensive to be like the scotch?
>> Well why like >> the scotch is the whiskey?
>> Yeah. But we wouldn't. We are the Scots are Scottish. So it's like >> And is it just that that is what you know stereotypical some English people might have been saying? It's just annoying now.
>> They say, "Yeah, we Scotch." It's weird as a Scot I don't know how you find this, but like cuz obviously when you're in Scotland, you don't hear people say stuff about Scottish people. Whereas you go to England and like I remember like Yeah. when you get called a jock seems like such a very old-fashioned.
>> Yeah. It's like some something the 30s would say or sweaty sock is like the diamond.
>> Yeah, but no one's ever said that.
>> You eat jock strap.
>> Yeah. But and what is jock? Just cuz most pe people loads of Scottish people used to be called jock.
>> Yes.
>> That's >> Are any babies getting born now called jock over there? No. Let's bring it back.
>> Let's have a couple of babies.
>> It's surprising that it wouldn't but it was in like the 60s or whatever the [ __ ] was but it's also like in Glasgow you would never have to refer to somebody else as uh Ouija. But then if you go anybody like you're [ __ ] Ouija and you're like oh >> which we would say smick here for that.
>> What does smack mean?
>> Ouija chav, whatever you want to say.
>> No, but Ouija just means >> Oh, does it? Oh, right. Okay. Well, then Ned.
>> So, smack is what we would say for a net.
>> But it's like a rural Ned.
>> No. No. Urban Ned.
>> Is it? Is it a town thing?
>> You guys have townies and is it culties or something?
>> People from the countryside, >> right? farmer type guys.
>> But people get really upset if you call them that.
>> Culti. No. No.
>> I would say culties are really in >> I said it to Andrew Ryan once and he went, "No, no, we're with the city."
>> And I was like, >> but you see people from big cities will call people from a small town a culture.
People from a small town will call people from the countryside a culture.
So it's sort of >> people from the countryside like, "No, I'm not a culture." I mean, the cultures are [ __ ] up that way. And you're like, you know, well, the Scottish version of that is chuka. So chukar is like is kind of a culture like we would say that to like somebody for five for Aberina or yeah [ __ ] chuk >> love their bananas by the way >> what's that five bananas the banana factory >> right next to the apple factory and the orange factory >> but they yeah but like so we but people Glasgow a lot of people from Glasgow basically just call anyone who's not from Glasgow a chuka which is not necessarily the case >> but um and you know people sometimes would say that's an offensive term >> but I know I mean listening to the blind boy podcast and stuff and you know people from Dublin will call people from like Lica culture and they're like what [ __ ] say >> Mark Nelson once said h don't call them chtors they're actually rurally challenged >> that's [ __ ] up Mark Nelson is he don't is he all right >> haven't seen him in a while since he put up those nets n >> I think he's going What a guy.
>> Crazy guy.
>> What a guy.
>> Yeah. Good guy.
>> Would you would you try and go to the World Cup at all?
>> No.
>> You don't give a [ __ ] >> I would rather put pens in my eyes and then drink the juice that came out my holes >> then get a free ticket to the World Cup >> then enjoy a nice sport. Well, it's in America, so it's like >> kind of you go to Mexico, >> huh?
>> You could go to Mexico for it.
>> I would love to go to Mexico.
>> You mean all the Scotland or all the Scotland games in America? But this is the one time where if you went to Mexico, it' be full of Scottish.
>> Yeah.
>> I don't want to hang out with Scottish people.
>> I'd hang out with Mexican people.
>> Well, it's been a nice tour so far. Um, >> when you go to Cancun, >> you don't want to hear the Scottish accent in Cancun. Like, you know, >> you want to get away. When I went to Japan, I was like, anytime I seen a white guy, I was like, "Fucking hell, I'll get away for you, man. Look at you."
>> But you like, >> huh? you >> if you walked past me quickly, I wouldn't think you weren't Japanese.
>> Yes.
>> No, I agree.
>> I think it's the hair.
>> One time my mom picked me up for school, right? And she went, "Christopher." And I turned around and it was a Chinese girl because I had long hair and I've got thick black hair and quite uh you know, the bounce is quite Asian. Yeah.
And the Yeah. independence of your hair of my ass cheeks.
They don't really help butts like do they? Whoa.
What was that?
I've seen a few.
>> Well, big Japanese bundas.
>> Yeah.
>> Japanese bunda sounds like a can of drink you buy when you're in London.
>> You're like, I've got a Japanese bunda guy.
>> Can I get a ton ramen and a Japanese bunda, please? You make a double B.
Can I tell you something? One of the last times I was with this guy, >> I was doing the old stand in Glasgow >> and I let's go to Nandos and he goes, "I'll take you somewhere better." He took me to this place called Pepes. And I've never been more annoyed with someone in my life.
>> You've picked the wrong person to say that to cuz he's a bigger Pepes fan than me. Shane Todd, >> I like Pepe's, but I would say if I was want Nando and someone says, "I'll take you somewhere better." I would not agree with it. Pepees is basically a cheap takeaway kind of Nando. Yeah. Um but >> how many have you had in the last 10 years which is >> quite a lot. Right. But the problem is the peppers the food is good but the experience of going in is awful.
>> Right.
>> Right. First of all the system everybody that's working behind the counter they've got like it's like rush five.
You know you get a rush keeper at fives.
Yes.
>> You know it's like any man.
>> Yes.
>> Like they've not there's no one who's doing the towel. Everybody's sort >> anyone on these friers? I've been on the fryers for ages. Everybody's on the friars and then occasionally somebody will come to the till. You wait for too long and there's too many. There is too many bombs, Neds, >> whatever your There's too many schmicks.
>> That sounds soensive.
Yeah, exactly. But the Yeah, there's it's just it's not a pleasant experience being in. It's kind of like what I almost remember at McDonald's being like back in the day. It's just too many young kids and annoying people about and I'm I'm there. I'm a an adult professional man just trying to get some chicken before my gig and I don't need to deal with a [ __ ] >> You describe yourself as an adult professional man.
>> Yes.
>> Which is the most like guy who can't speak English thing I've ever heard. I'm adult professional man. Chicken before work.
>> I think uh do you know why I took you there? Is because I lost my passport once >> and um >> end of story. I >> I lose my passport quite a lot and I was in there. I was walking past there and the guy came up to the window and he chopped on the window and he went and he went, "Is this you?" He took my passport.
>> It was actually a Japanese girl.
>> My mom was working in Pepp. He went, "Is this you?" And he gave me my actual passport back. And to me, is the food worse than Nandos? Yes. But can you >> That human touch >> that human touch. Would you get that from Nandos where they don't even have a waiter? You know, >> it's not really a help machine, is it?
You just want to have some nice >> I respond to kindness.
>> You ruined mine out because you once lost your passport.
>> You know the first person said it to me.
It's still 3 days when I sit in Cork airport.
>> Are you flying out? I've always I've never been to Cork airport. Yeah, we got >> I hear only good things.
>> Oh, really?
>> People say it's it's it's like London City or Belfast City Airport.
>> We touch.
>> Is it Cork airport or Dublin airport?
They they're kind of big on Twitter.
They're always >> Dublin airport.
What's this all about? What they doing?
>> They just like I think cuz Ryionaire do a similar thing. I think Dublin airport have gone we're going to be the cheeky banter guys, but sometimes you're a bit like >> you're annoyed. you're like, I I've had my flight cancelled today. And you go on to like complain or something and they're making a joke like, you know, Cristiano Ronaldo hits a shot against Ireland that goes way over the bar and they're not responding to you cuz they're like, we have the ball if you want if you want to pick up the ball tomorrow at Portuguese FA, you know, let us know. We have it for you here or whatever. And you're like, you know, someone died on my flight, >> you know.
>> Yeah. I've been stuck in this airport for 72 hours.
>> Someone's had an actic flight on the plane. if I had to turn it around.
>> Yeah.
>> Someone just shaking on the ground and they're posting memes.
>> Yeah. Yeah. Exactly.
>> Come on.
>> But I I I don't mind it. But Dublin, I like Dublin airport.
>> Mhm.
>> There's a lot going on there. Like >> I fly more out of there than here for a tour.
>> Really?
>> Just cuz there's like way more flights >> cuz And if you're going to America and stuff, you fly out of Dublin.
>> You pre-clare customs.
>> What does that mean?
>> Here's what it means.
Say you're going from Glasgow or Belfast over to America. Now, we don't even have any direct flights. So, I'd have to go from Belfast to London.
>> You don't have direct flights to America.
>> From Belfast? No.
>> Oh, >> right. Okay.
Okay. So, that means when I get over to America, I'll be waiting for ages.
>> I hate it when you big queue.
>> Mhm.
>> All that. See when you go from Dublin separate sort of ter not a separate building separate part of the airport down to US pre-clarance and what happens is you've gone through normal security then you go through and all the guys have the American gear on >> right >> so it's almost like being in America see once you go through that you're in America but you're in Dublin like legally >> it's like the embassy >> it is so you're like >> you're you're you're like Julian Assange going through >> so you go through that they're we machines and all >> he would not get through customs.
>> Someone must give up me your passport.
>> It's just a we thing.
>> So >> he's doing skateboard tricks.
>> So you go then you go through a we queue and speak to the American border guard guy and you do your we checks there.
What's the purpose of your visit? How long you stay for?
>> Go through. Then when you land in America straight straight the baggage claim it. You've already done it.
>> That's amazing. You've done immigration.
>> Now, here's the downside.
>> When you go through into the Wii terminal to wait for your flight, you're through the normal security. You're through the American security.
>> See all the cafes and bars and shops in there. [ __ ] >> Right. They're not like the rest of the airport that it's not a good even the way Smith is tiny and barely has anything and all.
>> Yeah. Well, that's that would appeal to me. See, if I was to go to the World Cup, which I'm not because it's too expensive and all that, but I'm also a bit worried about getting through because you know, if you get flagged for some post or something you put up >> killing tortoises. Yeah, exactly. They if they hear this now, like if I get rejected for customs, at least if you're still in Ireland, they can just go home.
Whereas if you fly all the way to America and then they don't let you through and then you need to go back, that's murder. Do you know what I mean?
So, >> I But yeah, that that's I don't know.
that that does put me off at the moment.
We we you know been hard to get into America.
>> Going to Canada would have been way better for matches like that would have been like going to Toronto for a week or something seeing a few games would have been great.
>> That would have been cool.
>> Great. America is just a bit >> tense over there. I'm going to see what I can do >> to just >> have some meetings >> to bring it down.
>> Bring it down.
>> Bring down the temperature.
>> Bring it down.
>> What would you do?
>> What would I do?
>> Who would you like to sit down with?
What would you like to say to them?
>> Uh I'd sit down with Trump. Yeah.
>> Oh yeah.
>> Uh Rubio, all those boys and I go I just you know what it would just be be a casual conversation.
>> Right. And I go >> when has that ever backfires when a podcaster has got Donald Trump on >> just just to see what the guy's all about?
>> But I would I'm not potting with him.
>> No.
>> Right. Oh, you mean this is off air?
>> Off air.
>> It's a you know they're sort of sneaking me in and I'm literally just going to be like >> I'm going to be like get that. I go listen all good here. just saying relax.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, let's just we're all, you know, we're all trying to have a good time, >> but chill out a we bit, >> you know. I go, >> see, like being present and all, you've done it.
>> You know, let's relax. Just chill out.
Relax a wee bit. Do you need to be doing that? And he goes, "Well," and I go, "Do you do you really?"
>> He says, "Really? Really?" And then I think I go I go, "Just don't be don't be like doing all that. You never thought of that before.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, we could have done it before the Iran stuff because that's that's pretty good. Like I was saying like obviously because it's it's a weird thing cuz like obviously so many people knew in Dubai. So when that all kicked off, it was a bit crazy. My PT right who I ignore. He was coming back from Australia and he had a stopover in Dubai as the stuff started kicking off and he text me and he was like, "Oh, like I'm going to need to cancel the session next week cuz our flight's been cancelled. I don't know. getting home and I was like, "Fuck, are you all right?" And he's like, "No, I'm scary, man." Like, you know, been told not to leave the hotel or this and that and the other. And so I I tried to make him feel better by just giving him some of the kind of personal trainer type advice he normally gives me. So I'm like, "Mate, just don't just think about control your controllables."
You know what I mean? It's like don't think about Ian, just think I can.
>> He's like, "There's a bomb going over my head right now." You're like, "Well, you squat, brother." Absolutely.
>> That's it. set into the squat.
>> Try and time it.
>> Yeah.
>> Bullets are flying. Develop your core.
>> Yeah. I would have I would have got involved in those peace talks around America.
>> Oh yeah.
>> Yeah. Cuz sometimes I think an outsider would be way better. Not in the suit.
>> You could probably pretend you were part of the Good Friday agreement as well and just say >> we can do it.
>> Absolutely.
>> You guys can do it.
>> You're Andy Burning in a fleece.
>> I go say sorry to him.
>> Sorry. Say it.
>> Sorry. Say sorry. Then it then it you know >> shake hands >> and I and I have no dog in the fight.
>> No.
>> You know >> I was going I was went to Australia 2 months ago and I wasn't allowed to go through Dubai cuz of the drone attacks or whatever. So I went to Hong Kong airport.
>> Now that's a [ __ ] >> Now what's going on in there?
>> Noodles.
>> Pot.
>> Yeah, pot noodles microwave noodles.
>> It was It was sick, man. I'll go back to Hong Kong now. How long did you have in the in the stopover?
>> Only like 3 4 hours. But it was awesome.
>> Did you stay in the airport?
>> Yeah. Yeah. I seen the mountains from the window. They look good.
>> Yeah.
>> I guess I just went to Hong Kong airport.
>> Yeah. But you get a sense of it.
>> You got a sense of it. It was good.
>> How was Australia?
>> Amazing. I love it. I want to live there.
>> Yeah.
>> I don't want I'm See, since I started going to sleep uh before midnight and taking magnesium and vitamins and stuff, >> now I'm awake in the morning and I'm like, it's good when the sun's out.
Yeah.
>> I never knew the sun was good cuz I was never up for it. And now I'm like this is dynamite. I'm not anymore. Bloody hell. I'm not about baby.
>> What city? What where would you like to live out there?
>> Melbourne.
>> Melbourne's good.
>> Everybody I've not I've been to a couple of times but I've not been to Melbourne.
>> You'd like it?
>> Yeah. I liked um I've been to Perth and Adelaide and Sydney and I loved it there, man.
>> I absolutely loved it.
>> Cuz see when you go and the festivals run there's other, you know, comedian buddies out there >> and you're having fun in the sun.
>> Who was there when you were there? Was Mikey Riceer?
>> Michael Rice was there. He was We briefly was not allowed to Hong Kong.
Speaking of Hong Kong airport, they had a we word with him and sent him back to the UK.
>> So he was like, you know, his drama of his passport.
>> I know he didn't get his passport. I didn't know he gets sent back from Hong Kong.
>> Yeah. He's like, "Oh, it's slightly folded and all." He's like, "One corner of it folded." And I spoke to someone who saw his passport and was like, "It was a dog's dinner of a passport." He was like, "Oh, this page had just bended slightly."
>> It looked like he had been chewing it.
>> Yeah. It looked like it had been bombed.
>> Oh my god. Into the back.
>> Jesus. Dead [ __ ] pocket.
>> Well, was he all right?
>> Oh, he was happy and he was Yeah, he was good. Ed Knight was there. Mike Grace, Rosco was out for half of it.
>> You know what? I saw Rosco put up a clip recently of the the Proclaimers.
>> Oh yeah.
>> Oh yeah.
>> If one of the Proclaimers died.
>> I watched that 10 times in a row.
>> Well, it's funny cuz we used to have we were all in a sketch. We done like a sketch night at the stand years ago and that was one of >> tell people no but that was but that was one of the sketches was it and it was like yeah but it was Rosco's idea it was like if one of the proclaimers dies and so good they would still get >> me him Steven Buchanan Rosco >> and Paul Rachel >> Pal Rachel Alli Houston briefly who doesn't do comedy anymore he's like a laser scientist uh turned >> that's pretty cool >> turned keto chocolier >> he's had a lot of lives >> the keto chocolier like if The keto chocolier is coming to town.
>> I could say you'd be better leaving.
>> I could see that being one of your like tour show names.
>> The chocolate.
>> The keto chocolate.
>> Get that in a t-shirt that's selling 250 name a lot.
>> You're selling upwards of four tote bags with a keto chocolate.
>> It's hard to say because you really have We've all taken We've all said it and had to think about it before we said it.
You can't just off the top of your tongue say the keto chocolate here.
>> I don't think anybody's ever used that phrase until I said that there. But that's that's a Google whack.
>> Yeah.
>> I don't I bet you there is someone called the keto chocolate here. I bet you that is a >> that's a business.
>> Yeah.
>> In San Fran next to the Golden Gate Bridge.
>> You go down the other side of it and there's a little a little hut.
>> Yeah.
>> And that's where you find >> If you go to the Golden Gate Bridge planning on killing yourself and you back out of it, you go down the other side and you go the keto chocolate here.
>> Yeah.
>> It was worth staying alive.
>> Yeah. Let's try and activate ketosis right now. Yeah. buy a chocolate.
>> You ever been into the ketosis and all that [ __ ] and you don't [ __ ] with that?
>> No.
>> No.
>> Don't even know what it is.
>> No.
>> You know about keto?
>> It's like the caveman diet they call it.
>> Oh yeah.
>> And it's like I'm not going to eat anything a caveman didn't eat.
>> It's like Well, >> except for grenade bars and stuff like >> other than birthday the original one.
You know what I mean? Like they would have had the original, not the birthday cake one, >> but this is the original one they probably would have had. Do you think that there's there's personal trainers out there who like for their birthday treat themselves with a birthday cake flavored we c it a sad >> that's sad >> or like four of them on four >> you know like a little tar of them but you were a keto guy briefly were you know I see when I'm trying to lose weight like I do try and lay off the carbs and stuff like that um so but no and what I mean by that I still eat vegetables and that stuff I just don't eat try and lay off the bread and grains and rice and that [ __ ] Um, and it's that's how I know how to lose weight.
But the hard thing is the threshold is so low for failure that like if you have one slice of bread. You go, I might as well just [ __ ] have a million bits of chocolate. Know that's >> I'm a big rice guy.
>> Yeah.
>> Big rice guy.
>> You'd love Hong Kong airport.
>> They love it.
>> They've got rice everywhere.
>> All different colors and kinds.
>> White, >> brown, >> brown.
>> Yeah.
>> Do they have the keto chocolate here by the way?
>> No.
>> No.
>> There's a lot of keto chocolate. But >> Damn. By the domain. by the dome right now before this episode.
>> Get chef hats.
>> What goes well with fair trade Hollywood blend?
>> Keto chocolatey.
>> So what would what would be keto chocolate?
>> Right. I I don't think he makes this anymore. So I feel healthy saying this.
He said to me one time, "Hey man, you want some of my new keto chocolate that I've made as the keto chocolier?" I was like, "Oh yeah, I'd love to try that out." And uh I I have an interesting relationship with uh snacks and stuff.
You know, I like sugar. Uh and uh I ate an entire two bars that he gave me. I just ate them in water. Then I looked at the label and it was like do not eat too much of this at once. It will have a laxative effect.
>> So I sh my h so >> that's how you lose the weight. Sweet is your ketosis is >> But don't say that like don't eat too much of it cuz that'll make me want to eat it all.
>> Well, don't put don't make food that gives you diarrhea is what I would say to the keto chocolate h community.
>> But this is the challenge of the keto chocolate here.
>> Yeah, you can put emodium in the chocolate.
>> You get a cork with every uh every >> It's like those marvelous creations. We get the we popping stuff. Yeah, that we have popping emodiums that are kind of Willy Wonka style and we just put that right in the chocolate caramel flavored kale chocolate emodium birthday cake.
>> There's a golden ticket and every like thousand bars but it's just a key to getting into those disabled toilets.
It's >> the radar key. Wow. Where are you going after Cork? So, uh, we're doing, so it was originally going to be just, uh, Dublin, Belfast, Cork, which was, uh, you know, awesome. But I [ __ ] love Gigging Ireland so much that I mean, the crowds here are just way better than most gigs that are. I mean, it's just such a great place to do standup. So I asked if I could do Daras and Clonic cuz I've heard you talk about it. Heard Dylan Moran talk about it. Heard everybody talk about it. And uh they offered me an invite cuz they seen me open for Frankie when I played Cork.
>> Yep.
>> And they went, "Mate, anytime you want to do a solo show, come out to Daris."
So I got that sorted and then cuz that had a day off and Cork.
>> Have you done it? H >> Have you already never done Daris?
>> Is it coming up? This in Sunday, >> right? I'm excited to tell you this.
>> There is a Chinese restaurant across the road.
>> What?
>> There's a Chinese restaurant from it across the road.
>> Wow.
>> Chinese leprechaun's interest is peaked.
>> But you got to wear, trust me, and I'm not messing you about. You got to wear a full leprechaun outfit to get in.
>> Yeah.
>> But just don't address it, right? And wink at them as you walk in.
>> But there is We went there and I I we did a couple of shows and it was magic.
Like it's always just so good, right?
>> But then we go, "What do you eat?" You eat the same things.
>> And there was a Chinese across the road in between shows. Like, how extravagant is this? We went and had a banquet, >> right?
>> The boys like, >> "What's your Chinese order?"
>> Now, am I with friends or my wife?
>> I want to hear one of what your orders for each. Uh if I'm just doing like a solo kind of thing, then I will have like a >> maybe a honey chili chicken and fried rice.
>> Uh >> sweet.
>> If anyone wants to split like a a duck type thing.
>> Yeah, >> maybe we'll do that on the side.
>> Yeah.
>> Uh if for two people, but if a third person is like, I might get on on that.
I go, it's only really for two. So you have to find someone else to do that with or not at all.
>> Um >> you would never split a duck three ways.
You know me. Um, >> that's an old proverb. Actually, >> never split a duck three ways.
>> Confucious once said, "Never split a duck three ways."
>> Now, if if it's me and my wife >> Mhm.
>> honey chili chicken, egg fried rice.
>> Oh.
>> Why are you having different stuff with your wife than your friends? Shane, >> listen to me. Listen to me.
>> Can you not be yourself around your wife?
>> This is very like it's a romantic. This is Roman.
>> Honey chili chicken, egg fried rice, salted chili chicken chips, >> and then that all gets mixed into one thing and and split into two.
>> What is it mixed in a in a plate?
>> Put it in a blender and then drink it.
>> Slurry.
>> Yeah. And it's a keto chocolate.
>> We would It just sort of gets mixed into the on the >> Okay.
>> Both of our plates.
>> But that feed is like something we do. M I wouldn't do that with a friend.
>> No.
>> Right. That's something I do with my wife.
>> Feels like an intimate thing.
>> Yeah.
>> Me and my partner like to go to Oldtown 97 in Chinatown in London and we get this. We split a duck two ways. No, three obviously.
>> Mhm.
>> And then we get charu pork or rice in two it's called. We get um barbecue pork and chu pork and rice with a little sauce underneath >> and a we sing to. And it is very I think Chinese I China is under underrated as a romantic location.
>> Yes. M you >> sweet and sour ching >> fried rice chips. That's it.
>> Can I say that's an interesting order instead?
>> I don't know. I'm just saying anything else.
>> That's no Chinese to me.
>> I have a That's not Chinese.
>> No Chinese to me.
>> There's no chips. No Chinese.
>> Name if you're next door. That's not Chinese to me.
>> That's my romantic night out authentic Chinese meal. If I'm having Chinese by myself or with a friend, >> it's western.
>> It's western. And I'll get chicken balls. Salt and chili chicken balls, chips, curry sauce.
>> So when you're not being performative, >> it's not about being formative. It's just about like, you know, if you go to Oldtown 97 in Chinatown, they're not dishing out chicken balls. But if you go to Bston, >> Eastern with a partner, Western with a friends, >> that's how you do your Chinese.
>> Yeah.
>> Is that what you'd say to Donald Trump?
>> Yeah.
I think so. I don't know. I think like Yeah, I think I could chat a little.
>> Can I say though when you're saying, "Oh, if you go to Daras and Cloniculty in West Cork, you should get the Chinese."
>> Do they do sweet s chicken balls?
>> Absolutely.
>> Great. That's all I need to hear.
>> But I've heard so much about the clonical sausage.
>> Who's telling you this?
>> Mike Rice. He's telling me I need to order the clone sausage.
>> He's setting you up.
>> Really?
>> No, it's it's a breakfast sausage. M >> but you're you're going to be there at dinner time.
>> Yeah.
>> So get that then. Are you staying over?
>> We're in cork for sure.
>> Oh, just get have it the next morning.
>> Oh, yeah. Is it nice?
>> Have your Chinese at night.
>> But it's clonical sausage. Is it the black pudding or is it is it a blink pork sausage?
>> I think it's a black pudding.
>> There will be these sausages too, but I think it's the famous like black pudding, >> right? I've never really had a black pudding.
>> See the bars? They'll give you They'll give you a wee beanie, too. Like >> they'll sort you out with a wee beanie.
>> That's awesome.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm so excited. It's where like who was the guy? It was he was in Jimmyi Hendricks's band uh the drummer or the bass player for um Jimmyi Hendris and then he moved to uh Clonica. He was a blowin in West Cork really >> and he had a residency there and he played uh in the local band after Jimmy died he just played in the band every year for like >> every day every week for like uh 20 years. He start he started his own business called the keto chocolier.
>> You know Jimmy >> did we get the name of this guy?
>> No reading was basis for Jimmyi Hendricks.
>> Yeah it was it was no red in any and he lived in Ky for a long time.
>> Oh thank thanks for I didn't know what a guitar was.
>> It's like kind of like a it's kind of like a flute.
>> You can tell neither of us have played it cuz it's getting higher and higher.
>> It's kind of like >> Well that's what Hendrick did all the >> That's performative.
>> That was performative.
>> You had a Chinese with your partner.
I eat Chinese behind my head on fire.
>> I reinvent this.
>> We sizzling dish.
>> Yeah.
>> Imagine someone had fas behind their head like that in tribute to Jim Hendricks. That would be great.
>> Yeah. Touch it. Touch of respect.
>> I remember being in I know stop. I remember being in the Hard Rock Cafe when I was 10.
>> Where?
>> Barcelona.
>> Right.
>> And my dad.
>> It's kind of when you're in a Hard Rock Cafe, it's kind of like you're saying about when you you know you go through the customs. You're in America. It >> doesn't really matter where you are.
You're technically in America. You're in the hard cafe, wherever you are.
>> And I had the Jimmy Tender Sticks, which was the chicken.
>> Now, that's respectful.
>> Now, that's respectful. His memory.
>> He loved that.
>> Breaded goo.
>> He loved that. I mean, >> he would love >> they were his favorite as well.
>> Yeah, he was cool guy. We Hard Rock Cafe. It's one of those things you you're like, I'll be a tourist and I'll go to and then you see Hard Rock Cafe and you go ribs. And I had the ribs in the Hard Rock Cafe in Tenneref.
>> Yeah.
>> By the way, bucket list.
>> You need to try if you haven't tried the ribs in the Hard Rock Cafe in Tenneref.
Hidden gem. That's what you >> I love Tennere, mate. You You'd hate Ten.
>> You think so?
>> Yeah. I don't think you'd like.
>> Not enough uh culture.
>> You'd need the right hotel.
>> I could go to any hotel. I You'd be happy enough in Ten.
>> Yeah. Well, you were saying you don't like hearing Scottish people. There'll be loads of Scottish folk and all that in >> I like Scottish people. I'm a Scottish person.
>> We pass the Ibro bar every day.
>> Yeah.
>> The Iro bar. Like >> Mhm.
>> Yeah.
>> There's boys there who don't leave the Ibro bar.
>> Yeah.
>> You know, they sleep on the seats there.
>> Yeah. You get off the plane, you're like, "Right, they get to a Scottish pub to get my [ __ ] square sausage and potato."
>> The Iro bar.
>> The IRS bar.
>> And then there's we Irish bar around the corner from it.
>> Yeah.
>> Which is nice on holiday cuz there's a bit of bit of division there. I got I got in a taxi last night from the venue to the Ibis and um the guy heard my accent and he was giving me all kinds of >> The guy heard what >> the guy heard my accent and he was giving me all kinds of questions.
>> What Ibis were you standing in?
>> City center.
>> And you got a taxi.
>> It was It's a pretty dodgy road next to C.
>> C was scared to walk home on his own.
>> Yeah, >> cuz I went and done Larry.
>> Oh, that I 100%. Yeah.
>> Yeah. I mean, it's a two-minute walk, but it's like >> it literally is.
>> You're taking your life in your hands.
>> You know what? I don't know. because there's a Celtic bar and like right outside it and see yesterday I had to go out and get just something fell at the shop like toothpaste or whatever and I walked by and it's the Celtic and I thought I'll go in and have a look at the Celtic bar and I went in and it was just one table of of bombs basically and I and the guy's like help me and I was like uh can I get a half pint of Guinness and then he ordered that and I was just looking around but the guys were like pretty sketchy and so I just pretended to go on my phone and I walked out and just left the pub.
God love them. They'll be keeping that for you.
>> No, he's coming back. He's coming back.
It's Mark Jennings. He's coming back.
>> Yeah. It was like free 350 or something.
I paid just to be able to leave a pub.
>> I've done that sort of thing before.
>> And how long did you bet you carried that conversation on? You didn't just walk out straight down.
>> Oh, no. I I I barely even I barely even pretended I was on the phone. I was like, I'm out of here.
>> No phone in his hand. Just >> Yeah.
>> Ming it.
>> Um >> the guys didn't even pick up on it.
>> Do you want to plug your pod? Yes. H I do the some laugh pod. I've also got uh some stand up on sale. I'm doing Edinburgh festival and I've got a bunch of dates um in Glasgow and London, Edinburgh and Dundee doing warm-ups over the summer. So they'll all be on my website and all that type of stuff. But >> was Mark Jennings comedy.com?
>> That's exactly it.
>> I guessed that and I'm delighted.
>> It's great. Mark, >> you're a huge proponent of comedians getting websites.
>> You messaged me going, "Do you have a website yet?" I said, "I've got a link tree." You went, "That's good, but it's not good enough." Did I?
>> Yeah.
>> Really?
>> Yeah.
>> And did you get a website?
>> No, I've got a link to you.
>> His his website is now ketochocolier.com.
>> ketoier.net boy.com.net cuz they they've got nets in the factories where they make the keto chocolate.
>> I think someone's bought Christopher.com.
>> Me.
>> Teach you a lesson.
>> I've got a new podcast. Me and Rosco Mlelen have a podcast called Shooting Ropes. Just started that. Uh, check that out. That's quite fun. We just done four episodes. Pardon me.
>> You getting emotional.
>> I was burping during my plug, which is a terrible ter.
>> That's because of the brew.
>> The iron brew. H. So, we've just started that. It's been really good. We just done four episodes in Australia. So, it's shooting ropes down under.
>> That's international.
>> Yeah, we're in international pod for like pit bull.
>> Technically, it was upside down like he he used to do when he was like a bat.
>> Getting lightheaded recording.
>> Getting lightheaded recording them cuz you're under.
>> That's funny. And then that's okay. And then I'm on tour. All my Irish dates are now done, but you know, I will be back at some point.
>> Yeah.
>> I've had so many comments the last time I was on here, Faith Poke in Glasgow going, "Oh, I heard you on chain Todd's podcast."
>> Oh, that's great.
>> I just like it was great. It was great.
>> I'm recording my special in Glasgow at the end of the year at the Orin Moore.
>> Lovely.
>> Yeah. And I'm doing my biggest ever Edinburgh show in November at the Lysm Theater going up to the I think it's a 650 seater or 800 seat or something like that. So I'm excited about that. And then I'm on tour. I'm in England. I'm in Birmingham. I'm in Leeds. I'm in Leicester. I'm in [ __ ] you know everywhere basically.
>> Get on that link tree folks.
>> Get on that link tree. Do not go on chrismarthur.com. Don't go on macarthur boy.com. That's my dad's website for his hairdressing.
>> Is it? And don't don't mathboy on Instagram cuz that's also different.
It's my dad surgery. I said to my dad to pass it on now.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm not going to get a [ __ ] inheritance. I don't even get a [ __ ] Instagram handle.
>> Neil MacArthur Boyd will be taking your DM.
>> I said to him, "Dad, can I get Maced?"
And he went, "Oh." And I went on his page and I posted in 5 years.
>> [ __ ] sake.
>> And it's like a blow dry. Yeah. He went >> I'm MacArthur Boy. I'm trying to get a [ __ ] load of [ __ ] >> When he goes >> When he goes, >> you get rid of the dot.
>> Yeah. But who's going to come out here?
Yeah, true.
>> Don't want to think about that.
>> Should I film a special on Black Flash?
Black Black Friday.
>> Can we talk about that off camera?
>> Sure. Thank you, guys. I'm going to say yes.
Be with me.
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