This Book Will Win the Booker Prize

[00:00:00][music] Hello. I just read a novel which is so excellent that on a technical level I think it is incredibly powerfully and beautifully written but also on an emotional level I felt like I lived alongside these characters and went on a journey with them and that is the experience that I love to get from my fiction. So the novel is Having spent life seeking by Kai Tempest and this is a story about the challenges of gaining selfacceptance but also wrestling with a desire for social acceptance. And that is a tension that I think so many of us feel especially early on in our lives in our childhood and our teenage years especially and that is represented in this story so impactfully. But it is also a novel about the importance of persisting and carrying on in life despite [snorts] seemingly insurmountable challenges that one faces. because there will be beauty. There will be joy and love and even tranquility that we will find in life even when it it feels like the world is completely falling apart.

[00:01:30]So this is the story of Rothkco and at the very beginning of the novel Rothkco has just left prison. They are trying to establish a life for themselves again in their hometown of Edgliffe, which is a fictional English seaside town that is like many English seaside towns is a bit shabby, a bit dilapidated, that there are many locals there that have been living there their entire lives, but then there are also holiday makers and people that will will travel there uh just for the weekend and Rothkco is trying to live and work independently, but they just spent 20 years in prison and the world has changed a lot. And something that is so impressive about this novel is that we don't get too many moments of interiority or self-reflection of these characters that there are more just descriptions of their experiences and their dialogue, their exchanges. And often this really bothers me in fiction where it it it feels like the author is being withholding because in a novel you can see all of the thoughts and experiences of a a character.

[00:02:59]But when that is that that thought process is being withheld then sometimes when I'm reading that fiction I I can feel frustrated because I like well I want to know what this character is really feeling.

[00:03:14]But even though Kai Tempest doesn't give us too much of that, I felt like I really understood these characters and could emotionally connect with them and understand the experiences that they were going through. And I I think that is such an art to write in that way and express all of this emotion without actually saying it on the page.

[00:03:43]It reminds me a bit of reading David Soy's novel Flesh last year where there's a character where that we just do not get much at all about his interior life, but I felt like I I I could really feel what he was going through. And the the same is true with Rothkco in this novel. Although the the writing style is different in in a number of ways, but there is this aspect of not dulging everything that this character is is thinking and and feeling uh on the inside. And yet I I really felt for Rothkco and many of these characters. So Rothkco has a really difficult relationship with their mother Meg uh who is really struggling with a lot of her own issues and wrestling with uh addiction and the the trauma of abuse and following Rothkco's journey. Um, so we at first Rothkco has left prison, but then we get the backstory of Rothkco's life and leading up to this moment of being released and re-entering into the world. And we don't know for quite a long time why Rothkco was in prison. And I I think this serves a couple of purposes that first off, it's a a point of narrative tension and dramatic tension of of wondering what did Rothkco do to be put in prison for so long, but also I I think this serves as a point of not judging this individual because there is such a stigma involved with anyone who has been incarcerated that, you know, we immediately want to know why they were there, but that might not be the most important thing and aspect of their lives and understanding who they are.

[00:05:50]It's more about learning what led up to this and the the circumstances involved in it to really truly connect with them.

[00:06:01]And so much in this novel is about connection and disconnection between the different characters and with strangers in particular that there can be these moments of beautiful and wondrous connection with people who might be just absolute strangers from each other but see each other on a real human level and respect each other in that way. But then there are also moments where characters will immediately judge and categorize and abuse one another just based on superficial details. And there are so many moments in this novel that really like tugged on my heartstrings uh where because Rothkco doesn't judge other people uh in this way that Rothkco is in no way a virtuous individual that and they have wrestled through a lot of things and made a lot of mistakes in their lives But also that when Rothkco meets someone, someone who may be destitute, who may be struggling, who may be really angry and really difficult to predict their actions, that they just meet them on a human level and that there is this moment of beautiful connection. And Rothkco was not their birth name. It was a nickname that was given to them early on in their life because when they were a child and still today when uh the at the present time when they've been released for from prison at 36 years old uh they have a tendency to blush really deep pink or red when they feel embarrassed and this sense of shame being evident on their face and the when Rothkco was a child and this occurred, it was said that it was like their face went like a Rothkco painting of this this bright red and pink. And that is such a strong like visual image that just carried with me throughout this story of of knowing that whenever Rothkco felt self-conscious in this way or a sense of shame that they were blushing in this way and it is such an expression of emotion that is physically rendered without having to go into all of those interior feelings of of why they are feeling this way. And so that that is an example of how I I think so much is conveyed emotionally in this story without necessarily having to say it. And there is also a moment in this novel that I just just struck me so much when it's a memory of a family driving in a car and the driver of that car has become so unstable that it feels like the car at any moment could just veer off the road and be destroyed and that everyone in this car would die. And that is a moment of absolute peril that strikes with with my own memories and emotions because I I had a moment like that of being in a car and feeling like the the driver had just completely lost touch with reality and that at any moment we could all just crash and die. And it is such a terrifying moment of fear and a sense that feeling in such peril in such u emotional instability in this situation with people when in a car with somebody feeling like you can trust them but instead just wanting to leave and walk out of that car. and even if it's in a dangerous situation like on a highway but just wanting to walk away and leave that behind and that that the way that Kai Tempmpus describes that scene in the novel I I just think is so terrifying and powerful and is one that is really sticking with me.

[00:10:56]And I also really appreciated the way that Kai Tempest describes the sibling relationship in this story because Rothkco has a sister and they have a somewhat tense relationship and it's described how they might have come from the same people but they have never been coming from the same place. that there may be a fundamental difference in how these characters approach the world, but they come from the same family and there is this shared connection and shared origin that they have. So that they feel like they fundamentally understand each other on a number of levels, but also because they have such a different world view that they kind of divert and have these different paths in life. And partly that is on Rothkco for not fully opening up about who they are to their sister. And this is something that Rothkco [snorts] has wrestled with so much in their life because of this sense of discomfort and struggling to fully inhabit their body and understand their gender identity. Uh because for so much of their life they have naturally presented in a more masculine way. And this is led to a lot of confusion and suspicion and malice being directed towards them from other people throughout their life. And so is something that they have struggled with so much that when they are in a group and they are meeting people for the first time that sometimes they will feel this intense sense of self-consciousness of people wanting to categorize them and say oh are you a man or a woman wanting to identify them but then there are also other people who just accept them for who they are. There is a a friendship early on that Rothkco has with a teenage boy and it is just this this beautiful connection. Uh but also Rothkco meets a teenage girl named Dion at at one point and has a love affair. And in part this novel is a love story. It's about following this relationship where the relationship develops as these individuals develop separately as well, which is something that I've not read in a lot of fiction. I I feel like a lot of, you know, love stories will go in a way where the individuals are just who they are. or they don't really change but and they have this passionate connection with another individual but there might be these differences and points of tension. Whereas in this story, following this relationship over a long period of time and how these individuals have this very special connection with each other, but also each of them are going through their own process of trying to understand themselves and figure out how to live and inhabit the world as individuals first before being able to be part of a couple, which is something that I think so many of us go through in life and in the struggles we have within our relationships. And another subtle thing that this novel does over the course of the story is is Rothkco will frequently refer to other people as as normal people and that when they are around normal people they might feel especially self-conscious and there is this implicit idea in this that Rothkco feels themselves to be abnormal and so part of this story is Rothkco working towards a stage of acceptance where they can feel themselves to be normal that everything about them is right and they don't have to live under this judgment or sense of comparing themselves with other people. And there are also a number of instances in this story which felt so emotionally impactful but also felt quite important that this is a point of view that we need to see and think about now, especially with the state of politics in Britain at the moment when Rothkco goes to a pub just wanting to have a pint and relax after a day of work and feeling such a sense of self-consciousness when they need to go to the toilet and then trying to decide should I go into the male or the female toilet and knowing that there will be consequences to either decision which is made that this there could be a reaction from other people in the pub who might zero in on them and accuse them of using the wrong toilet from what they perceive that they should be using. And this sense of fear and embarrassment that is created in this situation that this individual has to go through when just trying to live their life. in in in a completely standard ordinary everyday way that this small instance will create such a sense of panic for them and there are bad consequences to this negative consequences to to this and and following this scene but then there's also another scene uh when going back to Rothkco's early life of being in a group of teenagers who have confusion about what gender Rothkco is and then openly discuss this in a way and hearing the dialogue from these characters of you know I I I read on the page but I felt like I could really hear it in my mind and felt so intensely identified with Rosco's position and and feeling this intense sense of self-consciousness uh that other people were making judgments about them when really that was completely unnecessary and to really feel and live through that position I I think is a really important thing for us now because this is something that so many trans women and trans men are facing in Britain today and have to go through on a daily basis and the laws which be are being made and past are having effect on the way that people are being judged and stigmatized. And so to really understand that position, I think it's important to feel what that experience is actually like. But also I want to praise the poetic way that this novel is written because Kai Tempest of course is also a poet and a musician and that style of writing enters into the narrative that that most of the story is written in a quite realistic way but then there are moments of real philosophical contemplation when so much is packed into a line that expands to show a life that has been lived and all of the struggles that an individual has gone through. But then there is also a section of the book when Rothkco is going through a really difficult period has hit a kind of low in their life and the narrative changes and switches and moves where a long period of time is covered but is also written in this almost musical style with rhyming And a sense of language where experience is so compressed down into it to convey the experience of having completely lost control due to addiction and despair. There's a line where Tempest writes, "Using is its own universe." that for an individual who has been caught in the claws of addiction that that becomes their entire universe. And there will be a moments of emotional vulnerability, but also a need to feed that addiction no matter the cost to the people one one knows in one's life. And how this novel conveys that scent that this this horrible condition which so many people are going through when wrestling with addiction.

[00:21:04]It just really drove home what that experience is actually like. And we see it through kind of two different perspectives where there's Meg who is an addict and who continuously makes promises to her family which are broken but then we also see it from Rothkco's point of view that when early on in their life when they were struggling with drug addiction as well and for the section which is written in a more musical way which covers a long period of time I think it it is partly a a a shortcut that does kind of skip over a lot of experience and 20 years in prison is a really long time and is maybe to the detriment of this novel. If I was going to make some criticism of it, I I would say, well, the actual experience of prison life isn't fully conveyed, even though it was such a large part of Rothkco's life.

[00:22:12]But also, I I feel like the novel doesn't quibble at all about how prison life is a horrible, really difficult experience. And and that point is definitely made although there can be some beneficial parts to it as well that Rothkco learned a number of skills in it and also made a connection with another individual uh which was really strong and important to them. But the overall experience yeah was so hard and so horrible. But also part of that experience of being so removed from larger society for such a long period of time when Rothkco reemerges into the world is really difficult to know just how normal life and everyday life functions that since they've been imprisoned that selfch checkout lines are now kind of the standard in so many supermarkets and especially in small more local versions of supermarkets, it might be the only option that there's just a bank of selfch checkckout lines. And if you've not done that before and are going in there for the first time, that this can be a really anxietyinducing experience and really difficult to go through when there is so much assumed knowledge about the way that the world works when you've not been a part of larger society for for so long. that it can be really difficult to readjust and reintegrate into society and and I think the novel definitely conveys that and I think it's really beautiful as well of how personal this novel obviously is for Kai Tempest who has gone on their own journey with gender in in recent years has identified as a trans man and now uses the pronouns he him. And this is a similar journey that Rothkco goes on in this story and that throughout the entire novel, Rothkco is referred to as they them. But at one moment, Rothkco comes to this realization and is able to articulate this and divulge to another character that yes, I am a man and from then on is referred to as as he him. And that is such a a tender and powerful part of this story. And it is a moment where I feel like I really traveled with Rothkco through his life as he came to this point. and a moment where something is stated that for so many people is so easy to say, but for him that was so difficult. And the novel made me feel how challenging it was to get to this moment of time for Rothkco. And it's something that in a much smaller way that coincidentally I I felt like I could connect with at this moment of time in in my life. And so I I got a copy of this book at the uh the the the ASOP queer library which uh in Pride Month every year in London, the store ASOP, they run this wonderful thing of a a queer library where they stock their shop normally full of fragrances with all of these queer books and open up the shop. So anyone can come along and take a free book from this queer library and learn about it in in this way. um which is such a wonderful thing and so important and something Kai Tempest has talked about in in interviews is when he was given a copy of the the book Stone Butch Blues early on in their life uh by an complete stranger and how this was such a life-changing experience for Kai Tempest and so I know for so many queer individuals who are also going on their own journeys to go to the queer library and to to get a book like this can really be a life-changing experience. Uh but also uh on this most recent Pride weekend in London, I myself marched in the Pride parade for the very first time in my life. I've gone to see many Pride parades, but for some reason I've just never gone to march in one myself. But uh last year when I went to to view the pride parade in in London, I saw that there was a very small uh Latvian contingent on this of of from Ria Pride. And I have strong Latvian heritage. I've talked about this before on my my channel and how I got had the wonderful experience of being able to go to RIA for the first time because of this channel. And uh so this seemed like an opportunity for me like, "Oh, I could go march with Ria Pride cuz this this this Latvian heritage." And so I did that. And that experience of marching in my first pride parade, it was so wonderful and joyous and just feeling that I was fully part of this community which I I've felt a part of for a really long time. But just to take a moment to celebrate that and especially in incorporating my Latvian heritage, it felt very personal to me. And so it was just such a wonderful experience. And one of the the Latvians that I was marching alongside, there was this absolutely gorgeous moment during the parade when he saw his mother on the sidelines and he ran up to her and hugged her and then was just in floods of tears. And I don't know what his story was, what he has gone through and his journey with his family, but seeing that really touching moment created in this environment uh was it was so gorgeous and I feel like it ties back into you the overall message of this story that there can be joyous moments in life like this even when we are going through really difficult struggles and moments of connection. And there is also a character of a dog in this story of Donovan that Rothkco has this really beautiful connection with throughout the entire story. And yeah, that's just such a wonderful part of it.

[00:29:19]But also, yeah, all these moments of connection with other people when they might be coincidental. They they might be very fleeting even, but can have a real importance on our life and our own journey. Our journey of understanding ourselves and fully knowing and accepting ourselves. And also I think this novel raises larger philosophical questions about life and the wonder and strangeness of life. And there's another line that really struck me where Tempest wrote, "How could a thing as weightless as life be so [ __ ] heavy so much of the time that even though life is just lived in the moment and we are just passing through it that it feels like it should be this this light thing and yet we are so burdened that we feel the weight of all of our past and our memories and our disappointments and our love as well as our heartbreak. And we carry this with us all the time while passing through the world and receiving the world's judgment upon us. But what really matters is how we feel about ourselves, how we carry ourselves and how we allow ourselves to live and inhabit the world. And that is the sense that this novel gave to me.

[00:31:05]So I I thought this was absolutely incredible book and I personally loved reading it. So, I would love to hear if if you have read this book as well and what you think about it or if you're interested in reading it now or if you would recommend. I mean, I've read some of Kai Tempest poetry before, but I' not really listened to much of their their music. I really need to go and do that now. um and read a lot more of their their writing because yeah, they've produced quite a lot and uh I just have such respect for Kai Tempest as an artist.

[00:31:48]Yeah. So, I'd highly highly recommend this book and I hope you're doing well and reading good things and I will speak to you again soon. Bye-bye.