DAILY LIFE WITH A CANCER GAL

Added: 2026-05-26

[00:00:00]Hola, guys.

[00:00:05]Monday, May 18th.

[00:00:09]Immunotherapy and my visit with radiation doc.

[00:00:14]But after weeks of no access to my port, things went wrong.

[00:00:18]There was no blood draw from the port, so IV was required.

[00:00:32]They gave me anti-clot meds to help clear the port.

[00:00:36]And while I waited, the radiation doctor took me back early for my visit with him.

[00:00:42]Here's some audio of that.

[00:00:46]All right. I think I heard you have probably another couple months of chemo, right? Mhm. Okay. Yeah, we're waiting for the pills.

[00:00:56]Okay.

[00:00:57]It'll be a little while for the 3 months close to the three three to four before we can do anything with radiation. Okay.

[00:01:05]>> Give you some time after the chemo.

[00:01:07]Chemo and all of that stuff. So, the fillers on the expanders is okay to start? Cuz I didn't want anything interfering with the important stuff, which is chemo and the radiation. Yeah, they can do all the fillers. Okay. Okay.

[00:01:20]So, we'll eventually we'll do 6 and 1/2 weeks of radiation.

[00:01:26]33 treat. Okay. And the thyroid chest wall and all the lymph nodes.

[00:01:31]Okay.

[00:01:33]So, chemo first completely out of the way and then radiation. It's not a It can never be done together or it's not done. Okay.

[00:01:41]So, yeah. So, we'll we'll get there.

[00:01:42]Need a little bit of time after chemo as well. Okay. So, I'll probably say I'll see you in 3 months.

[00:01:49]And then actual reconstruct is the last thing on the list.

[00:01:54]That's all right.

[00:01:55]>> Yeah. They'll they'll probably do that 6 months after.

[00:01:58]Okay, I'm just trying to get an idea how everything is going.

[00:02:03]Okay.

[00:02:05]Yeah, the longer run. Yeah.

[00:02:07]>> Beginning there.

[00:02:08]Well, I trust y'all, so.

[00:02:11]Okay. Thank y'all.

[00:02:12]>> Welcome. Thank you, ladies. Thank you very much. Okay.

[00:02:29]Look at this crawdad situation. Oh my goodness.

[00:02:34]And this one's pretty. Oh, it's a seahorse.

[00:02:40]This is kind of basic, but it's still pretty.

[00:02:45]Are these plastic? No, they're glass.

[00:02:49]Wouldn't these be pretty scattered on a table?

[00:02:56]Look for dips and stuff.

[00:03:00]Well, this is a pretty little watering can.

[00:03:04]I like the color.

[00:03:08]Look at this. You get your ice and your water in the same.

[00:03:13]>> [crying] >> You guys, I am so excited for this freaking movie. I don't even care that I'm 52.

[00:03:22]Look at this adorableness. I was tempted by this the last time I was here, and now look, another freaking crawdad. What is up with the crawdads?

[00:03:36]You guys, look at this gorgeousness.

[00:03:39]It's called a clematis. Clematis?

[00:03:42]Clematis? Look at this.

[00:03:45]I've heard of them. I've never seen one.

[00:03:49]Oh my goodness. Oh my goodness, you're so pretty.

[00:03:55]A dipladenia.

[00:03:57]Okay, never heard of these either, but I've seen them enough.

[00:04:01]Oh, look at that pretty color.

[00:04:05]Look at this. Look at this gorgeousness.

[00:04:09]Uh oh, I see a hibiscus over there.

[00:04:12]Look at that gorgeous color. Mine are red. That is a beautiful salmon color.

[00:04:18]Look at these pretty things.

[00:04:21]Plumbago.

[00:04:26]Look at this beautiful eggplant.

[00:04:29]I don't like eggplant, but these are really pretty.

[00:04:34]And over here you got some peppers.

[00:04:37]And a little something something that would make me go right to the ER, but anyhoo, these are some nice looking peppers.

[00:04:43]I'm looking to get another tomato plant.

[00:04:47]And these look pretty good, but what type are they?

[00:04:52]They're the paste tomato Roma. Okay, these are Romas.

[00:04:57]My Romas grew pretty well last time I had some.

[00:05:01]But I wanted a different variety. Look, guys.

[00:05:05]Look at the blackberries.

[00:05:10]Oh my goodness. I was wondering what this branch was.

[00:05:15]Blackberry branch.

[00:05:17]Look.

[00:05:25]Call the cops on me. Ooh, that's not ripe. I wanted to try one.

[00:05:29]These are the ones I'm looking for, the big beef.

[00:05:33]They have some Somerset here. These are good for heat. I remember these.

[00:05:38]Um cherries, which I won't try again because I had no luck.

[00:05:45]They also have some better boy down here.

[00:05:51]These are what is These are what I've had real good luck with in the past.

[00:05:56]This is one of my favorite plants, the Japanese aralia.

[00:06:00]They do well in partial shade, so I had some on the side of the house at one time.

[00:06:06]They were gorgeous, but I neglected them and they started shriveling up.

[00:06:12]>> [sighs] >> This was in my early on mommy garden stuff. Now, whether I'm sick or tired or not, they got to get their watering and their weeding. But these are gorgeous, but they're $22 each.

[00:06:25]Absolutely beautiful, but can't do it, y'all. I'm looking for clearance plants and sale plants.

[00:06:31]Good gravy, the blooms on these freaking hibiscus are gorgeous.

[00:06:36]Look at that.

[00:06:39]So pretty, it's like fire.

[00:06:42]And what is this lovely?

[00:06:45]What are you? Oh, it's in a basket.

[00:06:47]What's What's happening? I can't lift it. These are gorgeous.

[00:06:52]What are these?

[00:06:54]And what are they in?

[00:06:57]Okay, I was too curious. This is a Oh, it's a mandevilla.

[00:07:03]I've heard of these, too.

[00:07:05]I didn't know that's what they were. I had to pull one out, guys.

[00:07:10]I'm struggling with these T-Rex arms, but I was so curious. That is beautiful.

[00:07:15]I love these. We grew up sucking the nectar out of these.

[00:07:20]They'd be crawling all over fences and gates throughout the neighborhood and we'd pull a full-grown flower and pull off the little the little thingy on the end and we'd suck out all the sweet nectar. Sometimes we'd inhale an ant as well, but it was worth it.

[00:07:36]Look at that beautiful pot. These are so pretty.

[00:07:43]But they're tropical. I'd kill them.

[00:07:46]Here's the baby spider plants. I don't need any of these. Mine are doing so well. Ooh.

[00:07:55]Is this a different variety? Y'all see the difference? Wider and yellow and these are thinner and green.

[00:08:02]Yeah, I don't have any luck with any of this type of plant. I tried and I killed them.

[00:08:09]That's very pretty.

[00:08:11]Here's the one I'm trying to bring back from the dead.

[00:08:14]The one that's outside currently. Not a special buy on cactuses.

[00:08:19]The 9 cm cactus, three for 12.

[00:08:24]And then they have the 2 and 1/2 cactus, three for 10.

[00:08:28]Let me see which is which.

[00:08:30]You know guys, all the succulents I had are no longer. Even the ones I was trying to propagate.

[00:08:35]I don't know what happened or what overtook them, but I didn't do right by those poor things.

[00:08:51]Okay. So, I had this dream and I'm going to video it because I don't want to forget anything cuz I want to share it with my sister and my friend, but it it has left me really, really sad. Okay, so in the dream, it's me, my sister, and my friend Rose. And we're out on the sidewalk somewhere and it's getting late and I feel that we're in a rush to get back somewhere before it gets dark.

[00:09:19]And the only mode of transportation is a bus. And I just keep hearing conversation milling around us from other people in the street. It's going to be the last bus of the night. It's going to be the last bus of the night.

[00:09:28]And I just know we need to get back to a hotel or wherever we're staying.

[00:09:33]So, here comes the last bus.

[00:09:36]And we get on.

[00:09:38]And we make it back to the hotel. I guess it's a hotel house. I don't know what it is, but we make it all back, all three of us. And we're hungry and we're kind of going through these grocery bags that appeared out of nowhere.

[00:09:50]Uh you know, sorting out groceries and we're busying ourselves in the kitchen to get ready to make something for dinner.

[00:09:56]I don't know what it just made me really, really sad.

[00:09:59]And it stayed with me Okay, but anyway.

[00:10:03]And we're all having a nice time.

[00:10:06]>> [snorts] >> My friend cracks open a beer. My sister's debating whether she wants to have a mixed drink or not. And I'm just like I can't drink at all right now.

[00:10:17]>> [snorts] >> But something is bothering me about what I'm watching. Something is bothering me about them you know, having a drink or or getting ready to prep a drink. Just like I feel scared I feel scared for them.

[00:10:29]>> [snorts] >> And uh start walking around throughout the house, you know, let them figure out their beer and their mixed drink. And I'm walking around this house. It's kind It's not a hotel room. It's looks like a house like we rented Airbnb or something. I don't know.

[00:10:43]But I do know that there was a lot of white. Like everything was white. The walls were white. The kitchen was white.

[00:10:48]Everything was white.

[00:10:50]And as I'm walking around the house, I see my friend and I see my sister.

[00:10:55]And I see me.

[00:10:58]Like I'm outside of it all watching all of a sudden.

[00:11:03]And at first I don't notice anything different, but it is weird to me like, why am I looking at myself? And why am I outside looking in?

[00:11:13]>> [snorts] >> Kind of thing.

[00:11:15]And uh >> [sighs] >> Next thing I know is I'm back in the kitchen.

[00:11:24]And I'm looking at my friend and I'm looking at my sister and they look like they look now.

[00:11:29]And I kind of remembered the ones that I saw in the other part of the house didn't look the same.

[00:11:39]Um so I kind of start walking around the house again and I see them and I'm like it's my friend and my sister and it's me.

[00:11:47]Only it's not until later on in the dream, I don't know if anything happens between, but it's not until I go back into the kitchen a second time that I'm really looking at my friend and I'm really looking at my sister and I realize holy crap the girls that in the real other part of the house are us just younger. I'm talking about 15, 20 years younger.

[00:12:12]And all of a sudden the other three girls are in the room with us. Each one standing next to us like the younger version of us is standing next to us currently.

[00:12:26]>> [snorts] >> And the younger one is telling me about my friend Rose, oh she's my twin.

[00:12:34]Like that's not possible. You're like freaking 15, 20 years younger. No, she's my twin.

[00:12:40]And my sister's doppelganger or or double is just laughing and being silly like my sister is usually.

[00:12:53]And then I turn around and look for mine and I can't find her.

[00:12:57]And then they're gone.

[00:12:59]And then we're back outside on the sidewalk and it's getting dark and I'm like wait a minute, we were just at the freaking house or hotel or whatever.

[00:13:08]And [snorts] again the conversation is the last bus is coming, y'all need to get on this last bus or else cuz the last bus of the night y'all aren't going to find a way home.

[00:13:17]But this time instead of the bus rolling up to us where we were standing like in the first part of the dream, we start to run down the sidewalk a little bit like we're running to catch a bus. I don't see the bus, but we're like running up the sidewalk like to get to a bus stop or something.

[00:13:34]>> [snorts] >> And in front of us are three girls, and they're laughing and being silly and just being loud and obnoxious like teenagers are, if they were even teenagers at 20 years younger than us. I don't know, but they looked like young teenagers, and they're running ahead of us.

[00:13:49]And all of a sudden I get this urgency to catch up to them. I want to catch up to them because I want to I want to keep them safe. Like, I wanted to tell the young Rose and I won't tell her story here cuz it's not my story to tell, but I wanted to tell the young Rose to stay strong, to be strong, that she was going to be okay.

[00:14:17]>> [snorts] >> And I wanted to tell my young sister that she was going to be a freaking powerhouse, that she was going to be awesome, and that she is so strong, and that she was going to take care of my mom so good.

[00:14:28]But that she was going to have to, you know, take care of yourself, you know, take care of yourself.

[00:14:33]And I wanted to tell the young me to take care of yourself because you're going to get cancer. You're going to get cancer, and you're going to struggle through some stuff. I wanted to tell all of us, be careful, take care of yourselves, protect yourselves. Hard stuff is going to happen. Like, I wanted to warn them? I don't know. I don't know what I wanted to do, but I felt like I wanted to protect them. Like, I was so scared for them. I was so scared for them because I knew everything that was coming, everything that's happening.

[00:15:05]>> [snorts] >> And then >> [snorts] >> I'm running after them, but I'm kind of looking back because I don't know where I am, and it's getting dark. Y'all know I'm scared of the dark, and in the dream it wasn't no different, and I I want to reach these young girls, but I don't want to lose my sister and my friend because I'm terrified of being lost. I hate being lost and especially in dreams. I'm always lost in dreams. I'm always scared of being lost in dreams.

[00:15:33]So, I'm kind of torn between what I do and I'm watching them run further and further and then I'm turning back and they finally stopped. I guess they're at wherever the bus is supposed to be.

[00:15:45]And then [snorts] I see two little square lights in the distance and I'm like, "Oh, that's the bus." And I'm freaking far. Now, you're going to have to freaking run >> [snorts] >> back to the bus stop not to miss it.

[00:15:57]And I'm running >> [snorts] >> back to them at the bus stop. The bus is getting closer. The bus is getting closer. The bus is getting closer and they're like, "Come on. Come on. Come on."

[00:16:05]>> [snorts] >> And I'm just like, "Just hold it for me.

[00:16:06]I'm not that far. Just hold it for me.

[00:16:08]I'm not that far."

[00:16:10]And then right before I make it to them, they start walking onto the bus.

[00:16:15]>> [snorts] >> And they're kind of looking back like, you know, like in the doorway of the bus kind of with their head out like, "Hurry up. Hurry up."

[00:16:21]>> [snorts] >> And I make it right up to [clears throat] the bus and I wake up.

[00:16:27]And I woke up balling. I woke up crying and it is still in my heart. I don't know why it is bugging me so bad. I feel so sad.

[00:16:36]I feel sad like this heavy sadness.

[00:16:43]And I haven't been able to shake it.

[00:16:46]I'm going to let me be 45 minutes and I can't shake it. I've made a phone call to one of my doctors and a phone call to a pharmacy and I still can't shake it.

[00:16:55]Like when I get off the phone, when I sit quiet, it's there. This is sadness.

[00:17:02]>> [snorts] >> And I don't know what the heck that's about and I don't know if it's because my infusion started again and those always made me feel and act weird.

[00:17:17]I don't know, guys. It's just very It was very sad.

[00:17:23]And I just feel really sad that I didn't catch him.

[00:17:29]That I didn't get to tell him >> [snorts] >> what I wanted to tell him.

[00:17:34]I never have tissues when I'm on here. I don't know what I'm going to do.

[00:17:39]>> [snorts] >> Snotty and teary-eyed, guys.

[00:17:42]I'm going to go get a tissue. I'm going to I need to shake this off. I need to get out of this house.

[00:17:47]I need to get out of the house. I just need to walk around. We expect a storm around 2:00. It's going to be really pouring down.

[00:17:53]I just need [snorts] to get out of this house for a little while.

[00:17:57]I need to get a tissue.

[00:17:59]>> [snorts] >> Oh.

[00:18:05]Okay, guys. Before I hit the streets, I did some birdy Airbnb inventory, and they are empty.

[00:18:15]The woodpecker log is gone. I did entertain a woodpecker. I hope by putting one of these out it comes back. And all of this I have been needing to do for 3 weeks now, well, since surgery.

[00:18:29]I didn't get around to doing it before surgery. So, my poor little birdies are like, "Hello.

[00:18:36]Where's the sustenance?"

[00:18:38]Um So, I'm going to fill some bird feeders.

[00:18:43]I'm going to clean and fill this one that me and my friend found at the bins.

[00:18:53]And then I'm going to head out. It's super humid, guys, because we are expecting rain to start around 11:30, and then the worst of it around 2:00.

[00:19:03]But I did busy myself out here just a little bit. I cut back a whole bunch of my purple hearts that are uh growing onto my little rock bed in the front. My yard guy came yesterday and cleaned up the front for me. So, I was just doing a little bit of touch-up. Those are going to go in a pot cuz I don't throw those away, okay?

[00:19:22]Those [snorts] are going to go in a pot, but right now I'm going to clean and fill these bird feeders.

[00:19:30]And then later on, if the weather's not too bad, I need to transplant these vincas.

[00:19:35]I found these vincas at Lowe's yesterday, guys, after my doctor appointment. This one's already starting to bloom. I got four of them. They were a dollar on clearance. Look at the roots already coming out. They definitely need to be repotted. Uh I got four little vincas. I don't know if they're all going to be white.

[00:19:54]I just grabbed them.

[00:19:56]And then these I got four of the um sweet potato vine.

[00:20:03]And these were also on clearance for a dollar. So, I grabbed four of those just to fill in some pots or just to have a little independent little plant. But, I'm going to busy myself with this just to get my head in a good place cuz y'all know this is my happy place.

[00:20:18]Um my tomato plant really struggled. I'm trying to fight the urge to buy a new tomato plant just because I'm not spending my own money at this point and I'm not spending other people's money on a stupid uh not that tomatoes are stupid, but again I feel some kind of way.

[00:20:38]Um but I got some blooms happening. I got some vegetables growing, and I got some birdies to feed. So, after this, we'll hit the streets. I want to go to I wrote down somewhere I needed to go.

[00:20:55]I have it on my list. I need to go somewhere.

[00:20:58]And y'all come with me, but I'm going to get this done.

[00:21:17]>> Since I replaced this one with the bigger one, I now need a branch for this that I can actually reach and that is strong enough to hold it.

[00:21:57]Are you helping Mommy or you just waiting? Waiting for the bird buffet to start, you booger.

[00:22:13]I love these glass wind chimes so much, but as strong and windy a storm we get here in Texas, these would bang together and be destroyed.

[00:22:26]But it's only $17.99.

[00:22:30]And this big mama jama, I already have one of these.

[00:22:34]I actually got it here.

[00:22:38]Oh my goodness.

[00:22:46]Oh.

[00:22:47]That is heartbreakingly beautiful.

[00:22:55]Look at this little guide.

[00:22:57]That's a good price.

[00:23:01]This gorgeousness with a drain hole.

[00:23:07]And then these birdhouse feeders, so pretty.

[00:23:13]And then amazing price.

[00:23:17]Look at this awesome bell.

[00:23:21]>> [bell] >> It's beautiful.

[00:23:32]No drain hole, but pretty hanging.

[00:23:37]That is really awesome for herbs or strawberries, small little plants.

[00:23:46]And this gorgeous little planter box.

[00:23:51]Oh, no. More. Look at the little inchworm. Oh my goodness.

[00:23:57]It's kitty.

[00:23:59]Oh my gosh. Look at the kitty cat. He's $19.99.

[00:24:05]Inchwormy $16.99.

[00:24:08]The turtle is $24. Oh my gosh, guys.

[00:24:13]This kitty cat has won me over.

[00:24:16]Is he broken at all?

[00:24:20]And a drain hole.

[00:24:23]Oh my goodness.

[00:24:25]Look at this beautiful trio. Oh my goodness gracious. Oh gosh, there's another one.

[00:24:31]Oh, and then look at these guys. It's these little metal birdhouses.

[00:24:38]So pretty.

[00:24:40]Oh goodness gracious. I didn't see that kitty cat. It's a little different, isn't it?

[00:24:46]No, it's the same kitty cat, but they have a puppy, too.

[00:24:51]Puppy's $22.99. Look at that gorgeousness. Oh my gosh.

[00:26:07]That is an amazing price for those. Oh my gosh, look at that mirror. Oh and look at that one.

[00:26:22]Tempting.

[00:26:24]But I honestly would prefer it in silver.

[00:26:30]Look how pretty these are.

[00:26:35]They're glass.

[00:26:40]These are so pretty.

[00:26:43]Look at this adorable little butter dish.

[00:26:47]How stinking cute is that?

[00:26:50]Adorably.

[00:26:52]Ooh.

[00:26:56]Pretty.

[00:27:05]These are gorgeous.

[00:27:08]Oh my goodness.

[00:27:12]A beautiful plate.

[00:27:16]Well, that's a bowl, too. Hang on now.

[00:27:19]These are gorgeous.

[00:27:21]A little bees.

[00:27:24]Now, y'all know this is my favorite aisle at Ross and Burlington and stores like this, but I couldn't concentrate on any of the other stuff that was in this aisle because I had a straight-up tweaker next to me, obviously under the influence of some dope.

[00:27:44]I am obsessed with these cups.

[00:27:48]I love them filled with sweet tea or lemonade or some red Kool-Aid. I love them.

[00:27:55]But I don't have any space to store them. I don't want to put them outside with my barbecue stuff.

[00:28:01]But they're gorgeous.

[00:28:13]Look, guys. Old Home Air Freshener. You put them in your furnace or your AC filters.

[00:28:20]Have any of you guys tried them? There's only two scents here. I wonder how many there are in other stores. That's a tropical.

[00:28:27]And that's freesia and bluebell. They smell good right here, but I wonder if they work. Anybody tried them?

[00:28:43]And the storm is rolling in, y'all. I have the windows down. It feels beautiful, but look at them fat rain-filled clouds.

[00:28:54]Geez.

[00:29:38]Until my next go-around, I love y'all bunches. Bye.