My week with books and chronic pain (a realistic reading vlog)

Added: 2026-05-12

[00:00:57]rude.

[00:01:12]It is a gloomy day today. Rainy season is here, but I have the whole week off, so that's nice. A lot of people have mentioned kind of like my weird schedule, but I work at a school, so I don't get paid during the term breaks, and we just had a term break that lasted 2 months. So, that's why I hadn't gotten paid in 2 months. I hadn't been working.

[00:01:33]The term is now just starting up again, which you saw in the last vlog where I went to work, but then they randomly decided to postpone the actual start date to next week. So, I randomly have this whole week off again. So, it's kind of nice in a way. And I did get paid for the two weeks I've done recently, which means I can go out. I think I'm going to go to the mall today. I'm going to go to NBK Mall, which is my favorite mall in Bangkok. There's a lot of anime related things, a lot of Japanese restaurants, and also like a maid cafe and a prince cafe. So, I don't know. I really like it there. Also, a donkeyote, so that's nice. I'm also going to have a lot of time to read, so that's going to be fun.

[00:02:11]I already read Hunchback. It's a Japanese book by Sao Ichiaawa and I saw this recommended on Instagram and I was very intrigued by it so I borrowed it from my library and it's a very quick read. I only read it in 2 days. It's about a woman who has this disability called myotubular myopathy which affects the muscles and the respiratory system.

[00:02:33]So she has to live in this group home and have a caretaker to help her do things. This woman also works as a writer and she writes erotica erotic fiction. in this book really explores her own struggle with not just sexuality but with life experiences in general and she's really lamenting all that she misses out on. She lets out her resentment through kind of like troll tweeting and she'll just say inflammatory things. They're inflammatory but they're also true to her own experience. Like for example, she ends up tweeting that she wishes that she could get pregnant and get an abortion just like any normal woman could. and this story kind of follows her plight to achieve that. It was a nice short read. I recommend giving it a read for yourself. It didn't blow me away or anything. It really is eye opening being able to read from this perspective. But yeah, so I'm trying to figure out what to read next. I just was able to borrow this book that I've been on the wait list for in Amirada by Ava Reed and it might be out of my comfort zone. I think it's like romanty, gothic fantasy romance. So, maybe I'll give this a shot. But yeah, I think I'm going to go to MBK now. Maybe get something to eat. Maybe go book shopping and grab a coffee and read for a bit. Maybe. Yeah, I think it'll be nice to go out for a bit for a change. So, yeah.

[00:04:21]Train station.

[00:04:36]inside.

[00:04:59]Yeah.

[00:08:03]Hello. So, today is Tuesday. I had a fun time yesterday. Got a lot of reading done and it was nice to go out for a bit. I may have overdone it though cuz I get bouts of like sciatic pain. I'm 27 years old and I have sciatic pain and when it flares up sometimes it get to the point where I can't walk. I don't want it to get to that point. I think it's caused by my posture but I'm not sure. It gets worse if you sit for too much. So it's weird cuz it flared up after walking around all day. So I don't know. But it's not too bad right now.

[00:08:41]But I don't want it to get worse.

[00:08:42]Otherwise, I'll be bedridden the whole week. So, I think I will just take it easy today. Maybe I'll go to the gym and stretch and like walk on the treadmill while reading. That might be a good idea. I'm on chapter eight of In Amirada. Like with any fantasy book, I feel like it takes a minute to get into it and kind of just understand what the hell's going on because the world is brand new to us as a reader. I'm actually enjoying it. I I've said before fantasy isn't really my favorite genre, but this book is a gothic horror fantasy and it is heavy on the Gothic and it's heavy on the horror and I'm enjoying it.

[00:09:28]When we have a contemporary Gothic book, I feel like a lot of the time the writing doesn't really hold up to classic Gothic literature, like it it seems like it it's trying to hold up to it or trying to embody the sort of sound and flow of a classic Gothic book, but I think it's kind of a hard thing to accomplish. But this book is doing a really good job of encapsulating that Gothic flare with the writing. The writing is really, really good. almost reminds me of Anne Rice in a way and I love Anne Rice from what I've read so far. It takes place in this world that was ravaged by some sort of plague. In this world, magic exists and necromancy exists. There's some ritual that can bring back people from the dead, but it turns them into these preternatural creatures that have superhuman strength.

[00:10:19]Eventually, a ruler comes along and slaughters everyone who takes part in necromancy and magic in order to get rid of it. The seven houses of this world submit to this new ruler. We follow this girl named Agnes who is the granddaughter of the recently deceased lady of the house of teeth and she is cousin to the next to the throne. Their grandmother instilled in them this plan to bring back necromancy and magic.

[00:10:46]their grandmother had this plight to have the world ruled by death. So yeah, I'm only on chapter eight right now, but I'm so far really enjoying it, even though fantasy is kind of out of my comfort zone. I really like what's going on and I really like the writing. So I'm going to keep reading again. I'm going to try not to sit down too much today.

[00:11:04]Maybe I'll go to the gym, but I think I'm going to eat breakfast now. So yeah.

[00:12:01]Come on.

[00:12:38]Here it Today is Wednesday. My sciatic pain is feeling a little better. Better than yesterday at least to be honest. I think going to the gym kind of made it worse.

[00:14:05]Better in the long run probably, but worse in the moment. And I put on another patch today. That's really the only thing that helps it in the moment.

[00:14:13]So, it's helping a bit, but my neck really hurts and I have a headache, but I don't mean to just complain. I did read quite a bit of Inamada. I'm on page 104, chapter 21. So, I did read quite a bit because I had nothing else to do yesterday. I'm still really enjoying it.

[00:14:31]It is a struggle at times because I think this book requires a lot of patience. It's a very slow burn and also it often alternates between different characters perspectives and some of those characters seem quite random just getting thrown into this stranger's perspective and then trying to piece together who this person is in this world that is also unfamiliar to me. So it does require quite a bit of patience but I think any fantasy book is kind of like that. But I'm still enjoying it.

[00:14:59]The writing is still very good and I'm intrigued in the story line. I want to see where it goes. Not too too much has happened since I last updated, but I do like a slowburn. Ava Reed puts a lot of effort into painting a picture with her words. Last night I was listening to Gothic ambience while reading, and I think that's always fun. But this book is doing a very good job of embodying the Gothic vibe. So yeah, I'm going to keep reading. I think today is another stayhome day.

[00:15:31]And yeah.

[00:15:37]pretty much.

[00:16:33]I'm editing my vlog right now, the one that you're watching, I guess, and having some leftover KFC.

[00:16:42]I think it seems like I don't eat very healthy, and I I don't, [laughter] but um it's not as bad as it seems. I usually eat homecooked meals. Sometimes when the pain adds up, it's just too tempting to order. Especially in Thailand, it's very convenient place to get food delivered right to your door.

[00:17:05]So, yeah. And my computer crashed.

[00:18:32]I'll suki hang Looking car.

[00:19:33]I just got home and I am so so sweaty.

[00:19:36]Um, even though it's about to rain, it's still so muggy out. But that's Thailand.

[00:19:42]So, so today's Friday and I was finally feeling good enough to go out. Um, I just went to the local mall, went to the bank, went grocery shopping. I looked at another bookstore. Again, failed in my attempt to find Blood Meridian by Cormick McCarthy, which is kind of surprising. I'm going to keep looking.

[00:20:03]I'm on the wait list for it at my library, but the wait is 10 weeks, so I hope I can find a copy before then.

[00:20:11]There's a few more bookstores I think will have it. But yeah, I am about halfway through in Amirada now, and I'm still really enjoying it. I'd rather a book be slow than too fast and too rushed. Plus, it's a Gothic novel, so a big part of Gothicism is taking its time with descriptions and revealing story points very slowly, revealing the mystery. So, like a good Gothic novel should be very immersive. And I think this one is very immersive. And I'm quite enjoying our main character, Lady Agnes. And I really don't want to spoil anything at all because this book is a fresh one. I think it was published a few weeks ago. What I will say is Lady Agnes is mute. At this point in the book, we learn more about why she is mute and it just broke my heart reading it and it really made me feel for her and it is again a slow book and at times I admit to being bored, [laughter] but I'm still enjoying it for [snorts] the most part. I love the atmosphere. I love the vibes. It's very very gothic, very dark, not tryh hard like it doesn't try too hard to be gruesome. It just is gruesome. And yeah, I think it's really good. The one thing is there's a sort of romance going on in this book of course and I won't say who is involved in this romance but as of now I don't really understand it like it seems almost like insta love and I don't really get it like I don't really get what's drawing these two characters together really or what's causing such strong feelings for each other and maybe it'll be explained later. Yeah, but I don't know. I mean, I I can't comment on it too much cuz again, only halfway through, but hopefully things will be explained more later. Um, and yeah, I'm going to keep reading. I'll hopefully finish it this weekend cuz I'm going to start getting busy again. So, yeah.

[00:23:29]No spoilers, but this book is wild devastation.

[00:23:36]Okay, last update of the night, but um I don't think I like the romance.

[00:23:44]Um we just had a very long sexy um and I did not like it. all the passion between two characters. Like it kind of just came out of nowhere. I don't know. Not a fan. But um we'll see.

[00:23:59]Maybe I'll change my mind. But yeah, I did not like that.

[00:24:04]Okay. I've been conscious too long. I need to sleep. Good night.

[00:25:02]Okay.

[00:25:04]Hello. Today is Sunday, so my last day before I have to go back to work. Yeah, I feel like I did nothing all week, which I guess is good sometimes. I was expecting to go out a lot more, but it's okay. Today, I did finish an Emirata, though, and I have some thoughts. I have a lot of mixed feelings about it, but overall I think I'll give it a three out of five stars. I was feeling kind of disappointed at where the story was going, and that did affect my enjoyment of the book and my whole reading experience. But as soon as I accepted where this story was going and I kind of understood the author's intention more, I feel like I was able to let go of my expectations and still find some enjoyment in it. I respect the author's choices. I commend her for choosing to write this story and going places that she ended up going, but the choices she made aren't necessarily what I would have wanted to read. But I respect her choices and yeah, I am going to start spoiling now. So, if you would like to read this book or if you have any interest in it, I do recommend you check it out for yourself. It is quite a ride.

[00:26:25][laughter] I was shocked many times. If you don't want to be spoiled, um you can go to this timestamp right here.

[00:26:35]But yeah, I will start spoiling now.

[00:26:39]The way the story starts out, it kind of sets up this big plot. At least for me, I assumed that the story was going to follow Agnes and her cousin as they attempt to continue her grandmother's play in bringing back necromancy and overthrowing the throne. But what ended up happening was that plight was just completely abandoned for a reason. There was a reason for it. So basically Agnes and her cousin both were conditioned by their grandmother since birth pretty much to take part in this plight and be the modes in which their grandmother could achieve her plight. Their grandmother was abusive and did horrible things to them and traumatize them for the sake of her goals of bringing back necromancy and overthrowing the throne.

[00:27:27]Like she straight up abused them and abused Agnes so much that she resorted to selective mutism. And I was expecting more of an internal battle like Agnes fighting the trauma and the conditioning. So the story starts out basically with Agnes and Moratzia following out their grandmother's plan.

[00:27:45]So Moratzia, who is the beautiful one, seduces the prince with hopes of getting into the castle and becoming his wife.

[00:27:53]And during their planned romance, Agnes is supposed to sneak around in the background and gain knowledge about magic, sneak into the library and find forbidden books and find hidden spells and stuff like that. And the book does start off with them following this plan.

[00:28:10]But pretty much as soon as the prince and Agnes meet, the plan just gets thrown out the window, which I don't mind. Of course, Agnes was traumatized and abused by her grandmother. So, I wanted to see her push back against this destiny that her grandmother bestowed upon her. But at the same time, there wasn't really a struggle within her. And I was expecting her to kind of feel conflicted between her own upbringing and her own trauma and this pressure to carry out her grandmother's plans. I expected her to struggle with that against her growing feelings towards the prince, but that it didn't really go in that direction. There was a bit of it, of course, but once the prince and Agnes got together, her grandmother's plans were just thrown out the window. And I did I did actually like when Agnes was becoming her own and rejecting her grandmother's pressures. It was quite emotional to see actually letting herself indulge in life's pleasures like her grandmother forbade her from eating food beyond bread and butter and to see her finally break her grandmother's rules was really nice actually and really emotional. But then the romance between the prince and Agnes, I don't know. So I went into this book thinking it was going to be a romanty book. Of course, when the prince and Agnes started to have their budding romance, I was expecting such and I was kind of curious to see how it would unfold, but it didn't really impress me too much.

[00:29:44]Like, for one, the prince Leop, I think that's how you say his name, he has no personality. He's basically a Mary Jane.

[00:29:52]His only personality is that he's a prince. He is in love with Agnes and he likes justice and fairness. But to Agnes, he's like the best person ever.

[00:30:03]And I could see it from her perspective because she grew up in this castle and was very repressed and deprived of so much. To have someone show her interest and show affection to her, I could see how powerful that could be. Meanwhile, for the prince, I don't understand at all. He is overtaken by this very powerful love for Agnes. It's love at first sight and he's never felt this way about a girl before. But it is just that it's love at first sight. I don't know.

[00:30:31]Their moment of bonding seemed very surface level and I guess I can forgive that because again Agnes was so deprived of human connection that to her it means a lot. Even if it's just like them sitting in the library together and reading in silence together like that impacts her a lot. So I can see in that regard. But I don't know. I just ended up not really even rooting for them or not interested at all in their relationship. It kind of felt like the author wanted it to be this slowburn yearning longing forbidden love, but I didn't really feel any of that. So, at that point in the book, I thought it was just leaning into the romantic aspect with, you know, the many sex scenes and stuff like that. But then something changed and it it got my interest again and it made me understand the book better and accept it for what it is. To me, this book ended up being a subverted romantic novel because the reader doesn't or at least I didn't root for the romance. And I honestly don't think you're supposed to root for it, which makes for a kind of annoying read at times because of the amount of intimacy scenes and scenes of them professing their love to each other. But what happens is when Agnes finally sheds this old life, this life of silence and abuse and this heavy burden of having to carry out her grandmother's wishes, when she sheds that all and leaves it all behind, she finally becomes her own person and she lets herself indulge in life's pleasures and enjoying luxury and wealth, but it begins to change her and it begins to make her selfish and cruel in some ways. And same with Leopron, the prince. And that's what this book really is about. This book is about sin and how overindulgence in something will lead to your downfall and will cause you to act in selfish ways. That's what I believe this book is about. Because we have the king, Leopon's father, who is gluttonous. He is very fat and he becomes bedridden and he's a very cruel king. So he embodies a sort of theme of gluttony and greed and selfishness, kind of using his own place of power in order to indulge himself and not caring about his people. And then his son Leopon ends up doing the same thing pretty much, but instead of it being gluttony, it's lust or love. His love for Agnes just overtakes his whole world and he becomes very selfish and he becomes very cruel.

[00:33:07]And Agnes does the same thing. She abandons everything and she really only cares about her own pleasure and her own love and her own overindulgence ends up leading to her demise and same with Leopron. So I ended up really not even liking Agnes anymore and I never liked Leopron. But it's kind of funny cuz my favorite character ended up being Moratzia. Agnes and Leopron just become blind to everything other than each other and their love for each other.

[00:33:37]They just become blind to everything and they just don't care about anything. And I think this is exemplified best in this really disturbing scene. Basically, Moratzia and Leopon were forced to copulate and have a child. She ends up having twins and she takes her daughter, Agnes takes a son. So, the daughter is destined to be wed to the Lord of the House of Blood to make amends for certain things that happen. And what ends up happening in this book is when she turns six years old, she is to be married. So Leapron plans this big jovial wedding for this child to marry a man. And Leapron and Agnes are really celebrating. Agnes is tasked with creating a play to entertain the guests.

[00:34:25]and she is just so excited about this play and she's putting her all into it while her cousin is mourning the fate of her six-year-old daughter. And then it just it just shows Agnes's own obliviousness. That was a really powerful scene, I think. And of course, the play Agnes writes ends up being about her own love for Leopron. So, it just shows that she has become so so blind to everything except love and everyone else suffers for it. Again, I respect the author for going down that route and turning our protagonist into such an unlikable person, but it can kind of just make it an unenjoyable read at times where I'm having to read like these detailed love scenes which are between two characters that I really don't care for or I really dislike actually. So, I don't know. It is a choice and a choice that I respect. And once I understood what was happening, I kind of was able to go with the flow of the story more. The whole ending of this book. That was disgusting.

[00:35:36]Basically, a bunch of people want to get revenge on Leopon and Agnes, which is understandable. Actually, Leopon himself has been cruel and has killed people and maimed people in the name of his own love for Agnes. So, there's a lot of people who want revenge and in the end they finally do get that revenge and basically they kill Agnes and then force Leopron to have sex with her corpse.

[00:36:05]But what happens is Leopron doesn't need to be forced.

[00:36:10]I'll say that much. I thought this book was going to be about necromancy, but there ended up being no necromancy, just necroilia. So, yeah, that was gross. But it does serve a purpose, I guess. And it's going to lead into the next book because her Agnes' corpse becomes pregnant with what I assume is like a necromancy baby. I don't know. Wasn't expecting that, not going to lie. Again, I'll give it a three out of five. like it was well written. I just wasn't a big fan of where the story ended up going.

[00:36:45]Was not a fan of the romance at all. But I also think that was the point. I think I'm not sure, but that's the vibe I get from it. It's intentionally annoying.

[00:36:56]Yeah, I would have preferred for the story to more be about, you know, their grandmother's plant. And I guess it was, but it really zoomed in a lot. and it was more about Agnes' overindulgence of love and Leopron's overindulgence and how that overindulgence led to their downfall. So yeah, that's all I'll say about this book. And that's the end of this vlog, too. I guess I go back to work tomorrow, but I don't think it should be too bad this week. Should be a pretty chill week. Um, I just got to start waking up early again, which is probably going to be a struggle because I've been waking up at like noon. But yeah, that's the end of the vlog. I do really enjoy making these. So, I want to make more. I also have been wanting to make a writing vlog as well because I'm going to try to get back into writing.

[00:37:45]And yeah, let me know what book I should read next. I do want to still keep trying to find Blood Meridian. It might be a while, not going to lie. I don't know. Maybe I'll finally get to The Historian or maybe I'll read something else altogether. Let me know if you have any recommendations of what I should do for the next reading vlog. Thank you so much for watching. I really appreciate it. And yeah, I will see you next time.