8 Unwritten Rules Only Appalachians Understand

Added: 2026-06-01

[00:00:00]Today I'm going to give you eight Southern Appalachian rules according to my experience growing up in Western North Carolina. And the first one is, don't back sass your mom and daddy.

[00:00:11]And y'all can put in the comments what the repercussions of that are. I'm sure we all had our own unique experiences.

[00:00:19]But when you run that mouth, it wasn't good.

[00:00:23]And you especially didn't back talk grandma.

[00:00:27]No, ma'am. And speaking of grandma, that brings me to point number two.

[00:00:32]Don't take the Lord's name in vain in front of me, ma'am.

[00:00:36]Ask me how I know.

[00:00:38]I was young and dumb.

[00:00:40]But I got my learning real quick. Just don't do it. Number three.

[00:00:46]Do not lay anything or put anything on top of the coffee table Bible.

[00:00:53]It's a fancy Bible, always the King James version, and you don't dare lay nothing on it.

[00:00:59]And if you do, you're probably going to get knocked upside the head with the KJV.

[00:01:05]I'm just kidding about that.

[00:01:07]Sort of. Number four.

[00:01:09]Don't sit on the company furniture, if you're lucky enough to have any. We always had at least one chair or one end of the couch that was off limits. My cats are fighting.

[00:01:22]You didn't sit on the company furniture, bottom line. Just don't do it. Number five, and this is an important one. If you come over, we're going to try to feed you. We just assume everybody's starving. And if we don't already have something going on the eye of the stove, we're going to have something in the frigerator sitting on the counter. We're going to have an icebox pie or rhubarb pie or some sort of cobbler, my favorite being peach and blackberry.

[00:01:49]And if that don't set your fire, then your woods wet. We might even have an apple stack cake, and that's real Appalachian. And if you want me to talk more about that, I'll be glad to. Number six, oh, we're going to follow you to your car when you're leaving and spend another 5 to 30 minutes telling you bye.

[00:02:05]And even when you do actually start backing up out the driveway, we're going to tell you not to be in such a hurry next time. Number seven, always leave through the same door you came in.

[00:02:16]I'm sure that's written in the good book, somers.

[00:02:18]My grandma, she'd stop you dead in your tracks if you tried to go out the back door when you came in the front. She'd She'd say, "Uh-uh. Uh-uh. You got to go out the front door. That's the door you came in. That's the door you're going to go out." That's one of those situations where if you know, you know. And this last one, and it's the only one that has to do with nighttime, but you're going to close your house up at night. I don't mean just locking your door or locking the deadbolt. You're going to pull your blinds all the way down. You're going to pull your curtains, too. And then you're going to take clothespins and go all the way from top to bottom.

[00:02:50]And ain't nothing going to be able to see in your house. Then on your external doors, if you got any space between the bottom of the door and the floor, cuz that happens over time, you got to stuff a towel under there. We ain't giving no entryway to no boo hag, no haint, none of those spirits.

[00:03:06]And you might already have a deterrent out there. You might already have your porch painted haint blue. Or you might have a broom out there. But if and you don't, at least you got a towel stuffed under your door. And you might ought to put a mirror on your porch in case the devil comes a knocking, cuz he's vain.

[00:03:21]And if he sees a mirror, he's going to sit there all night admiring himself in it. So, anyway, those are eight rules. The end.