Being a Chameleon is Destroying Your Life

Hinzugefügt: 2026-04-29

[00:00:00]Hey YouTube. Lee here.

[00:00:02]Um So, I I had a revelation today.

[00:00:07]Something I realized today that was like a bomb went off in my head.

[00:00:15]It's quite scary, I guess, in a way.

[00:00:20]I've been a a chameleon pretty much all my life.

[00:00:26]And it's just occurred to me today at school, like when it was So, like let me take you back to when I was at school, okay? So, when it was tennis season, I've never liked tennis. I don't like tennis. I don't like cricket. I don't like golf.

[00:00:46]I don't like whatever we played at school.

[00:00:52]Um I've I've always liked rugby.

[00:00:55]But, in order to try and fit in to a certain group, and not necessarily like the popular group, not even the cool kids.

[00:01:06]I would try to watch the tennis so I could talk about the tennis.

[00:01:12]Um one of the popular lads um used to bring in a newspaper and look at the horse racing.

[00:01:19]So, then I would like get interested in horse racing.

[00:01:22]Um I remember watching uh like Match of the Day. I think it was on a Sunday Sunday night, and I'd try and remember like what games were on and who scored what and what the results were just so that I could talk about something at school the day after.

[00:01:41]You know, even though you know, I didn't really give a [ __ ] about those kind of sports.

[00:01:50]I've And I've I realized today that I've I've been doing this my whole life.

[00:01:54]And now, here I am at 43 years old.

[00:01:58]And because of that, I don't actually know who the [ __ ] I am.

[00:02:02]I don't know like who I am.

[00:02:08]I don't I don't have a I don't have a core belief system. I don't like And I was thinking about it today like I like what are my principles? I I kind of have principles. Um But I don't have like a core makeup.

[00:02:35]I've completely lost myself.

[00:02:38]Completely.

[00:02:41]You know like I'm sure you know somebody who's into gaming.

[00:02:46]And that's all he talks about. That's all they do.

[00:02:48]You You have a friend that's into football. That's all they talk about.

[00:02:51]That's all they do. It's in and out. You know you know it's healthy, but And I realized that because I actually realized YouTube made me realize this.

[00:03:03]So, I put out a couple of videos and they went huge.

[00:03:11]And then I started talking about some of my other interests.

[00:03:15]And they didn't quite pan out.

[00:03:19]And I was thinking about it and I was like, "Why did that not work?" And then I realized that I'd deviated from what I was actually like the purpose of me being on this channel.

[00:03:34]Over the last month, the process that I've gone through with this YouTube channel has made me realize that I am completely lost.

[00:03:45]That I don't know who I am.

[00:03:53]And it's really scary to sit back and and and know that I don't have a real identity. And I was doing the washing up tonight and I was thinking about it more and I was like what am I supposed to do? And I'm still trying to figure this out.

[00:04:07]Still trying to create this Create is the wrong word because I think that comes across as like you're trying to curate something for presentation here in this box.

[00:04:29]That's not what I'm trying to do.

[00:04:32]Um So I I'm interested in loads and loads of things, right? I'm interested in minimalism, van life, gaming City Skylines, um lawn care, believe it or not.

[00:04:51]Gardening uh history not like history like Roman history like I I'll find like an old village.

[00:05:02]When I'm driving to work and I'll stop and I'll look at like these weird jaunty buildings and stuff like that. I like all that sort of stuff.

[00:05:09]But if somebody said to me um or if if somebody said, "Can you describe who Lee is?" I I'm not sure you'd be able to do it.

[00:05:21]Which is weird.

[00:05:23]So then I was like as I say doing the washing up tonight and I was like what is my purpose? Now I've got three kids and I need to refine this a little bit.

[00:05:33]But my ultimate purpose or I think maybe the ultimate purpose of a man {slash} dad is to raise children and be a good steward whilst doing so.

[00:05:55]To to iterate on the evolution of mankind.

[00:06:03]I don't know. Maybe that's a bit deep and a bit philosophical. But my core purpose after having children is to to to just be the best I can be.

[00:06:19]To give them a pathway to the world, if that makes sense.

[00:06:29]But that's not all I am. That's not all human beings are. That's not all dads are. Like So I was thinking, all right, okay, so so what what is my purpose like who am I trying to be?

[00:06:42]And I think what I'm trying to be I think what I need to do is is find my find who I am. All right, so I was thinking about this and I've written down some questions and maybe this might help you if you're in the same position and you're like [ __ ] I don't know who I am. Right? I'm when I'm with my football mates, I'm I'm all football. When I'm with my darts mates, I'm darts. When I'm with my dominoes mates, I'm dominoes. When I'm with my fishing mates, I'm fishing.

[00:07:08]Not really. Maybe you don't know this.

[00:07:10]Maybe maybe that is who you are, right?

[00:07:11]But maybe you don't know like me that actually I'm I'm not any of those things. I am my own thing, but what the [ __ ] is that thing? So here's what I'm going to do.

[00:07:25]Here's what I'm going to do. In order to try to find who the [ __ ] I am I'm I'm off social media for 30 days.

[00:07:37]And I might even come off completely. Not YouTube, obviously, cuz I really love this, right? But I was looking at my um screen time and it's stupid. I go to bed and I'm scrolling on Instagram or I'm scrolling on X.

[00:07:55]And it's stupid. It's just stupid.

[00:07:58]And I find things This is where I I think I go wrong because I like I find something, you know, like van life and I go down the rabbit hole and then I'm all in on van life or I find um amazing cities that people have built in City Skylines and I go down the rabbit hole on gaming and things like that.

[00:08:17]I'm going to stop doing that. I'm focusing 100% on just talking about the stuff that I know on here. That's all I'm doing, right?

[00:08:30]So, there's no Instagram, there's no Facebook, there's no Facebook, really?

[00:08:35]There's no uh X. I'm getting rid of it.

[00:08:38]30 days.

[00:08:40]So, I'm going to stop consuming. I think you might want to do this as well. Stop I'm going to stop consuming for 30 days.

[00:08:45]No YouTube, no pod Not even listening to podcasts. When I'm driving to work, if I've got a 4-hour drive, there's no music, no podcast, no nothing.

[00:08:54]The only thing that I'm going to do is give my mind time to to to flush itself of all the [ __ ] that's in here.

[00:09:08]Because if I can clear all this [ __ ] I can get through the weeds and try to figure out who I am.

[00:09:14]Better late than never, right?

[00:09:16]So, I'm doing that, right? And I'm asking myself uh I'm going to ask myself one serious question every day and and ponder on that for as long as I possibly can.

[00:09:27]But I don't know what that question is until I have a clear mind, right? So, if I like if I'm driving for 4 hours and for an hour and a half my mind is just full of you know, pigeon, broken down van, like all that stuff that you that just just the noise. I need to de-noise my brain.

[00:09:48]So, I got to contemplate one question every day.

[00:09:51]Um it could be for 4 hours. I could riff on it for 4 hours in my own, you know, self-monologuing style.

[00:09:59]Or I could write it down in a notebook.

[00:10:04]For half an hour or something, right?

[00:10:07]Um One of the questions that I thought about today was like, what do I actually care about when nobody's looking? Or or better still, what makes me angry? Like what triggers me?

[00:10:22]And can I find something in that that reveals to me where I can go to find my identity, if that makes any sense.

[00:10:34]Um yeah. So, like yeah, now look at what makes you angry. Like what's the thing Often, the things that are hiding in the anger, the things that piss you off, it is where you actually find is often where you find who you are.

[00:10:51]Makes more sense in my own brain.

[00:10:54]Um And I want to pay attention to what I keep coming back to.

[00:11:00]Like even when I'm trying to be something else, or if I'm trying to I find an identity associated with something, um what is that thing that I keep returning to, right? So, I go down the rabbit hole on van life, and then I go down the rabbit hole on gaming, and then I go down the rabbit hole on something else. Like do I do I Is there Is there a constant thing that I keep coming back to?

[00:11:29]So, I I try 10 subjects, but then I go back to van life, for example.

[00:11:35]So, I'm doing it in my podcast all the time.

[00:11:37]Uh you know, depending on what mood I'm in or what I've been listening to or I've read or whatever, you know, I'll I'll completely change my podcast library.

[00:11:47]I've been all in on on, you know, the conspiracy stuff.

[00:11:51]I've been all in on the true crime stuff. Then I was all in on personal development.

[00:11:56]Um then I was all in on like Apple uh podcast.

[00:12:01]I just like go around the block and I'm just constantly changing my library and I'm like, this is not helping me settle down into a marriage of self-identity.

[00:12:15]So, I'm not going to find my identity by consuming more content. Um it's not going to happen. I have to clear my mind. I have to empty the the vacuous space that's between my ears.

[00:12:29]Um and I need to start to see what what patterns arise from that.

[00:12:37]Because what I'm doing is I'm interrupting those patterns by forcing in other information.

[00:12:48]Yeah. I think that makes sense.

[00:12:51]And then somewhere in that within the next 30 days, I should start to figure out what it is I really want to do. What who it is I really am.

[00:13:01]Like I say, I'm still doing it now.

[00:13:06]And I hate it. I don't like it because I can't I can't sit still.

[00:13:14]It's really disruptive.

[00:13:16]It's really painful sometimes.

[00:13:20]So, yeah, that's what I'm doing.

[00:13:22]Uh no no social media for 30 days. Um I'm asking myself one brutal question every day.

[00:13:29]Um, I'm paying attention to what's making me angry, what what triggers me.

[00:13:33]And I'm want to focus on, and again, if you're writing it down, it's there black and white, focus on what it is I keep coming back to. Because maybe I am vanilla life, I don't know.

[00:13:42]I don't know.

[00:13:44]So, there we go.

[00:13:47]Um, I hope you enjoyed this video.

[00:13:51]I hope it resonates. Maybe it does, maybe it doesn't.

[00:13:54]Um, but I'm pretty sure if I feel this way, I'm pretty sure there's millions of other blokes that feel this way as well.

[00:14:01]Um, maybe there's you know, tricks, tips for finding your identity help.

[00:14:10]There you go.

[00:14:11]Um, hope you enjoy. Thank you for watching.

[00:14:15]Um, if you haven't already and you like the videos, hit the subscribe button, notification bell, and all that funny jazz.

[00:14:22]And then, I'll see you in the next one.

[00:14:25]Catch you later.