🧠 A Deeper Dive Into What My Executive Dysfunction Looks Like... Can you relate?

本站添加: 2026-06-01

[00:00:25]Good Good morning.

[00:00:31]Good morning.

[00:00:34]Hello from Ontario.

[00:00:38]Ontario.

[00:00:40]That's my new mug from Kimmy's again. I got another one.

[00:00:51]Good morning.

[00:00:58]Um, I'm just uh wanting to have a conversation.

[00:01:08]Um, I would just like to welcome everybody back to Gen X late to the Spectrum.

[00:01:16]>> I wanted to talk uh something today that um I think a lot of late diagnosed ADHD and autistic adults can relate to and that is what I suffer from known as executive dysfunction.

[00:01:35]Um, before I was diagnosed, um, I honestly um, I honestly thought I was lazy, um, disorganized, forgetful, and not trying hard enough.

[00:01:59]Um, I had no idea that there was actually a reason behind a lot of the struggles I was having.

[00:02:10]Um, when I grew up, um, I had a lot of challenges, health challenges and different things.

[00:02:22]Um but um I was at the doctor a lot and just different things and I had a lot of appointments and then whenever um I was responsible for my own appointments that's when things started to fall apart and the executive dysfunction decided to rear its ugly head.

[00:02:51]Um, I would, uh, miss appointments. Um, miss phone calls. Um, I wouldn't be able to phone the office back. Um, especially if I had to request anything.

[00:03:11]Um, I just the anxiety and the um the anxiety and all that other stuff just almost crippled me. Um, but um, exe executive dysfunction, sorry there's a lot of bugs out here. Um, so ine executive dysfunction, uh, what it can look like, um, shows up in so many different ways.

[00:03:44]Um, if you're on here, if you could put a comment and say hello.

[00:03:51]Um, welcome to Gen X late to the Spectrum. If you're just popping on, um, just say hello in the comments and let me know if you can hear me.

[00:04:09]Um, my name is Melanie and I am an autistic and suffer with ADHD on my daily life.

[00:04:23]And um this week I have been suffering a great deal with executive dysfunction.

[00:04:32]Uh I did a video yesterday just talking roughly about it. Um and posted it and then today I thought well it would be a good day to do a live video about it. um because it has been greatly affecting me this week and I just feel like I need to talk about it a little bit more.

[00:04:59]So, for those um who are just jumping on, hello K for real 0106. Hello.

[00:05:20]Um, so yeah, so to everyone, welcome back to Gen Xlay to the Spectrum. Um, I just wanted to talk about something today that I think a lot of late diagnosed Audi people um, ADHD and autistic adults can really relate to.

[00:05:41]Um today's topic of discussion is executive dysfunction.

[00:05:49]Um and that can come through in multiple different ways.

[00:05:57]Um so the first one um you could be putting off making a phone call for weeks.

[00:06:07]Um, you may have a laundry sitting in your room or somewhere um that should only technically take you 15 minutes to fold. Um, but it sits there for days.

[00:06:25]I am so guilty of this.

[00:06:29]Um and um sorry just one second.

[00:06:40]Hello Christine.

[00:06:52]Um I'm just going to hide that comment.

[00:06:54]I don't know who that was, but they said something. Um anyways, we'll carry on.

[00:07:01]Um yeah, so the laundry um is a big one for me. I will have it sitting on my bed or in baskets. I'll fold half of it or I'll just dump it all on my bed and then it'll just sit there and then I just put it back in the hamper.

[00:07:23]Um, maybe your house feels overwhelming even though you know exactly what needs to be done. That is really bad for me too.

[00:07:35]Um, a lot of us know what needs to be done and that's not the problem.

[00:07:44]Um, you may start lots of projects and have problems finishing them.

[00:07:52]Um the problem is getting our brain to go from I need to do this to actually doing it.

[00:08:02]Um, so right now from my experience, um, for example, I was talking in a previous videos about my gardening.

[00:08:17]Um, so I can start a project and be super excited about it. Um, so I'm doing my flower beds right now.

[00:08:27]I've done most of all of them. Uh my sister came out last week and the week before and we did a bunch. She helped me out and got them started.

[00:08:38]And normally I can do that myself, but for some reason I just I kind of felt a little overwhelmed and just needed the extra help. So um yeah, so she came out and we got most of them done. Um, so I have two left and then suddenly my brain just was like, "Yeah, okay. No, we're not doing this."

[00:09:02]Um, and just doesn't want to cooperate.

[00:09:06]Um, and it's very frustrating because I know I really want to do it and I just I know I have to do it because it's going to look ridiculous, but I just can't get my brain to move my body to do it, you know. Um, I did a few things yesterday. Um, and I kind of just make the odd little video just so I can um, you know, keep accountable and stuff.

[00:09:42]But, uh, yeah.

[00:09:51]Hello.

[00:09:56]Um, but yeah, so like I said, my brain just doesn't want to cooperate.

[00:10:05]Um, I want to finish them. I think about finishing them, but actually getting myself out there to do it feels harder than it should.

[00:10:15]And that's basically what has been going on. And this is something I've noticed my entire life. Um, like cleaning my room. Um, like I say, going out somewhere, um, making plans and then canceling them like out of the last minute. Um, but it can be a struggle um, for a lot of people and I just wanted to do this to let you guys know that you're not alone.

[00:10:54]um but other signs people might miss um as executive dysfunction.

[00:11:01]Uh is losing things constantly.

[00:11:07]Um forgetting appointments. That was a huge one for me. And then if I forgot about it, I didn't dare call and say I forgot. I would just wouldn't do it. and then they would send me a bill in the mail or something and like because a lot of places now you uh have to pay for misappointments. I would rather just pay the bill than admit that I miss an appointment.

[00:11:35]Um, I'm getting a little bit better now, especially now knowing that I'm autistic and that, but um I'm I'm owning a lot more things knowing that, you know, um it's something I'm working on daily.

[00:11:52]Um walking into a room and forgetting why I went there, that is a huge thing, especially if I have a lot going on. Um like for instance this morning um I was walking around my kitchen aimlessly um my brain was just doing this and I was trying to figure out okay well what was I supposed to be doing and then like um I would get a notification on my phone or um I just find sometimes I it's almost like you you run in a like a tail spin like a dog chasing its tail. You know, that's kind of how I felt like I was this morning.

[00:12:38]Uh, feeling exhausted after social situations.

[00:12:44]That is just my number one. That's one of my number one.

[00:12:52]Um, and it's like I said, I will make plans because I want people to think I'm sociable.

[00:13:03]But then I will think about it all week or you know the whole day before or whatever and I will think of a reason to get out of it.

[00:13:15]And this is where I was a drinker um that's where the alcohol would come in.

[00:13:26]um I would just drink before going somewhere and then I just fit right in.

[00:13:31]Um or I was like the life of the party or whatever. But now that I'm a recovering alcoholic um I don't mask under alcohol anymore.

[00:13:42]And uh so I struggle a lot with this one.

[00:13:48]Um, now those who really know me, they know like, you know, I'll be like, "Oh, sorry. I can't come." Because, you know, like I'm honest with the ones that are true to me and they're like, you know, my, you know, my close friends and family to say, no. But other people I feel like I have to kind of tell little white lies to, and I feel guilty about it. But I don't know how to come out and say it without sounding mean or like that they just won't get why, you know? Oh, it's just, you know, um an outing. Oh, it's just this. Oh, it's just that. Like, no. Unless I can deal with it. Like I have to prepare myself to go to these functions.

[00:14:53]Oh, hi artistic rebel.

[00:14:58]Oh, you can relate to this, too. Oh, yes.

[00:15:02]Yeah, it's definitely um getting started is so hard.

[00:15:08]Um, and some things I can get started right away and then other things is just like I just can't do it. Um, getting overwhelmed in noisy places.

[00:15:23]So like um my family are like big um are big Hi.

[00:15:36]Um, my family are big musicians, so I've grown up with like musicians and like big parties and like a lot of crowds and stuff. And before I used to just suck it up and go, but I would kind of just like sit in a corner or like kind of navigate around like a certain person that I was close with or connected with.

[00:16:05]And really the only time you would see me move is like to get up and go get a drink of water or a drink if I drank still or whatever, you know.

[00:16:18]Um, but I would find every excuse just to go, like to leave.

[00:16:26]And when my kids were small, I use my kids unfortunately as an excuse.

[00:16:33]Um, now it saved me in the end, but it wasn't really the fair thing to do, you know.

[00:16:42]Um, but both of my kids are on the spectrum, too. And they had a hard time with this as well. Um, being out in like unknown places, lots of music, lots of um lots of uh like loud noises and stuff. And at that point, I was just learning what autism was cuz I had a hard time with it. But I think because I'm partly deaf, um I can kind of tune out some of it.

[00:17:19]Um, but I do get overwhelmed and I a lot of times now I just won't go or I'll go for an hour and and then I'll just leave or you know I'll say okay I'm just coming for an hour and then I'll just I'll end up staying but I'll stay like as far away from everything or I'll stick to one person. Sorry, the mosquitoes. um I'll stick to one person and it's just I don't know like I a lot of times now I just I'd rather just stay home.

[00:17:59]Um having hobbies and interest uh that I could spend hours focused on while struggling to do basic everyday tasks.

[00:18:09]So, if you've been on my channel for a while, you've seen me posting about my art house.

[00:18:18]Um, I have an art house where I do a lot of floral arrangements like um grave saddles for headstones. That's my signature thing that I do. Um, and then I do other flower arrangements and sometimes I just play around with, you know, paint and different things. But that's I can focus on that, but then like I say, my house is in a complete disarray.

[00:18:48]Um, or I will.

[00:19:02]Yes, exactly.

[00:19:05]Yes, exactly.

[00:19:07]Um, internal experience. Yes, that is so true.

[00:19:13]Um, oh yeah, no, I appreciate that.

[00:19:18]Um, but yeah, like I said, it's just it's so much like especially when you're not like I'm new, newly diagnosed. So, like I'm basically rediscovering myself and I'm I'm kind of looking back on things and like, oh, this is why I did this or this. So, it's like I'm discovering myself over again. And that's why I find doing these videos on certain topics that I struggle with isn't also me learning about myself, but it's also helping me, you know, um kind of portray certain things that other people might need to hear or they struggle with. And sometimes, especially, um, being autistic, I feel like I can only relate to a handful of people and the rest I just feel like I completely lost in the world.

[00:20:19]Um, but yeah. Um, but I honestly thought that everybody experienced life the same way as me.

[00:20:30]And now knowing what I know, um that is not the case.

[00:20:41]Um and sometimes I get made fun of, you know, uh because um I can't do certain things. Um but uh when to consider getting an assessment.

[00:21:05]Um is uh so now having some of these traits doesn't automatically mean you have ADHD or autism. So I'm not a medical doctor or um anything like that.

[00:21:23]Uh but I just want kind of point out a few things. Um so for instance, like everybody forgets things sometimes, right?

[00:21:32]Um everybody procrastinates sometimes.

[00:21:38]But if these struggles have followed you throughout your life and they're affecting your work, relationships, job, mental health, and daily responsibilities, it might be worth talking to your doctor.

[00:21:55]Maybe you've always felt like you have worked to work twice as hard as everybody else just to stay organized.

[00:22:03]That is me 1,000%.

[00:22:07]Maybe you spent years wondering why every task seemed harder for you than they do for other people.

[00:22:18]That for me is again 1,000%.

[00:22:24]Um, and this really hit home for me um during co Um, and I'll explain that in a few minutes.

[00:22:43]Uh, but if that's the case, um, that you experience what I've talked about, it may be worth having a conversation with your doctor or nurse practitioner or a qualified professional to see whether an assessment would be helpful.

[00:23:03]Um, so during co Okay, so I was a professional house cleaner um my entire life pretty well, like since um I started out. Um like I've had odd jobs here and there. I've had jobs and stuff, but I always bounce from job to job and I it's like I would get bored with it and then I would have to find something else. I'd get bored with it, I'd have to find something else. And it's like giving two weeks notice in my world was just a no. Like if I just decided I had to quit, there was no two weeks notice for me because the thought of giving two weeks notice and then having to go back every day for two weeks, it just seemed like an eternity.

[00:23:54]So I just could not give two weeks notice.

[00:23:59]I would just be like, they'd be like, "Okay, when are you giving me your notice?" Right now, and I would leave like after my shift. I would wait, you know, until my shift was over. But if I decided I was done with this job, I'm like, "Okay, you know, I'm giving my my notice. Okay, well, see, you know, when when's your end date? Okay, it's right now." And I know it, you know, probably pissed a lot of people off, but in my mind, I just couldn't do it. I just could not go back. But then being in now the healthc care profession and having a certificate as a PSW, I had to kind of change it a bit.

[00:24:49]Um, and so when I left my long-term care job, I did give two weeks notice and it was hard, hard, hard. And my friend said, "Don't tell anybody.

[00:25:07]Just go out quietly."

[00:25:12]That has got to have been the most hardest two weeks of my life.

[00:25:19]And but I did it and but I had guidance from a friend and it was just like and then when I left another job I did the same thing and it was so hard to just quietly go out, you know. Um, I mean it made me feel better, but and it was professional of me to do so, but it was so hard.

[00:25:46]And I mean, there's certain things that we have to do as we learn and grow as an autistic and ADHD person.

[00:25:59]Like, you know, some things we ha we have to do out of our comfort zone. we just have to do it. And that was one thing for me.

[00:26:10]But um the one thing that I've noticed um is um so like in co so again I did my my own job where I had my own business.

[00:26:33]Um, yeah. I have to make decisions on the fly.

[00:26:52]And it's like if I make a decision, like I don't look back. I'm just like, "Okay, I made the decision. I'm out. I'm done. I don't even like you won't see me again. And that's just how I've always been. And I know it drives everybody crazy, even me crazy sometimes. But I've learned to live with it.

[00:27:21]But yeah, people just don't understand that. And yeah, I always thought I was the only one, but yeah, apparently not.

[00:27:33]Um but yeah, like um though during CO is when I noticed the most that I was truly autistic and had ADHD.

[00:27:47]Um when the world stopped like everything was so loud in the world, right?

[00:27:58]And it's like, you know, you go through the motions and you just mask every day.

[00:28:08]And but then when the world stops and you have to look at yourself in the mirror and you're like, "What the hell is going on here?

[00:28:19]There's something seriously wrong."

[00:28:22]Um, you're forced. Like, I was forced to um I was forced to look at myself and be like, "Okay, there's something not right here." Like um and I started kind of processing everything in my mind.

[00:28:48]Um, I was driving um I was driving my husband crazy because I was tearing the house apart.

[00:29:02]I was moving things.

[00:29:04]And even though I hate change, um, and that's the thing with ADHD and autism, it's so weird because with autism, I I need structure. I need routine.

[00:29:27]But with the ADHD, it's like I just go by the seat in my pants and it's like I see something and it's like, okay, like I have to flip this kitchen around. I have to organize everything. I have to like and then during CO I started a stimulant which was which one was it? Concerta.

[00:29:54]And holy crap, I thought my husband was going to kill me.

[00:30:08]Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Um, like I just always thought um and yeah, they tested me for ADHD years ago. My doctor did just a quick and he said, "Yeah, I did have ADHD, but back then they didn't do dual diagnosis."

[00:30:36]So, when I asked for an autism assessment, he's like, "Well, you could be autistic, but what are we going to do about it?"

[00:30:44]And I was like, "Well, I want to know."

[00:30:46]Like, he's like, "Well, what do you want to why do you want to know so bad? Like, it's not going to change anything."

[00:30:52]And I'm like, "Well, yeah, it is going to change stuff because then I know what I'm dealing with. like they misdiagnosed me with bipolar disorder in my 30s because I had like a I guess a burnout after my son was born and I had like a midlife crisis and I was suicidal and I just I had postpartum depression and it was just it was a bad scene and they put me on a fexer and a few other different drugs and it just literally made me crazy and but then the postpartum depression was for a long time.

[00:31:46]Oh, hi.

[00:31:48]Sorry, I'm trying to see your name.

[00:31:52]Li's one.

[00:31:54]Hi.

[00:31:56]Um but yeah, so it's just been crazy since for a long time.

[00:32:06]Um and yeah, so I was medicated for bipolar disorder.

[00:32:14]Um but I always knew it wasn't right. Like I always suspected I always everybody that knows me would say like would hear me say like I always feel like there's something missing like I feel like there's a question mark above my head and I can't really figure out what the heck you know and because society and doctors always said well you can't have this if you have this and you can't have this if you have this like you couldn't have a dual diagnosis of anything.

[00:32:49]So, like they put you in a box of like either bipolar or ADHD or depression.

[00:32:57]Like I was diagnosed with walking depression for pretty much my entire life. I was on anxiety medications at 14 years old because I had such anxiety to leave the house and that's why I drank and did drugs and smoked weed all the time because that's the only way I could leave the house.

[00:33:18]But I have a sensitivity to marijuana and different things. So I I just don't do that.

[00:33:29]Um but so like I don't like the the feeling of being high. I just I just don't like it.

[00:33:38]And um but alcohol was my drug of choice. And that just helped me through life from since I was 14 years old.

[00:33:49]Um I was an alcoholic at 16 and then I went right through up until I quit drinking. Uh, I was 29 when I quit drinking and it's just like what the heck, you know? Like I that's the only way I could leave the house. That's the only way I could talk to people. It was like my liquid courage. And if I had to like especially if I didn't like somebody or I felt off with somebody, I literally had to be half in the bag to even be around them because like I would have such pent up energy that like they even if they would even speak two words to me, it's like I'd be in a corner and then I'd feel like I just had to punch them in the face, you know if they said something wrong to me or something. And I'm not a violent person, but like I just felt like that.

[00:34:53]And that's the only way I could really get through life. And um that's not really the way to get through life. But I managed to get through those feelings.

[00:35:07]And I'm still learning how to self-regulate sometimes. And if I feel really anxious and like I want to have a feeling like I want to punch somebody in the face, I just won't be around them.

[00:35:20]And like um yeah, so co really just changed me and made me have to look at myself and say, "Okay, there's something more to this story. there's something more to my story that I just don't know.

[00:35:47]So, I started seeking out um my son also had a crisis during CO um my youngest and um he was actually misdiagnosed.

[00:36:06]Um, he has he was diagnosed with ADHD, but he was misdiagnosed with autism. So, they said he had autistic traits, but not enough to say he was autistic.

[00:36:20]So, he went from 6 to 13 without any help.

[00:36:27]Um, like he had an IEP, but it wasn't the IEP he needed.

[00:36:34]So he struggled a great deal and it was co that really made him snap.

[00:36:42]Um we were forced to do online school.

[00:36:46]He just could not sit and focus. He was miserable.

[00:36:52]Um and he put on like 25 lbs.

[00:37:00]Like he was depressed. Like it was horrible.

[00:37:05]And like the doctor said, "Well, he's depressed and blah blah blah." And I said, "No." I said, "There's something wrong. There's something going on. Like, you just don't all of a sudden just put on 25 lbs at 13 years old for no faking reason." Like, come on.

[00:37:29]And like why do doctors do that?

[00:37:35]Like I just don't understand. I don't know if it's the same where you guys are, but in Ontario, Canada, it's just like when I hear that I want to just throw something at them. It's like no, that's just not how it works.

[00:37:52]Like you're not around my kid, you know?

[00:37:55]Like I had letters from like the school and I had like letters from like these online teachers. I'm like look it there's something going wrong with my child and I feel helpless. He doesn't know what to do. And it's like he's failing. Like if they actually would have failed kids, they don't fail anybody anymore. Like it's just push them through. Push them through. Like some of these kids can't read. they can't form a sentence, but yet they're going and they're doing all these things and it's like it's so stupid.

[00:38:32]Like, so anyway, so he literally would have failed clean grade seven and I was like, "No, there's something wrong." Sorry, my puppy is whining.

[00:38:47]Right, Lax?

[00:38:49]You want to say hi to the people on YouTube?

[00:38:53]Say hi.

[00:38:56]My puppy, her name is Lexi.

[00:39:01]Um, oh, you're in BC?

[00:39:06]Yeah. So, you probably know a little bit of what I'm talking about. I don't know about BC school, but in Ontario, it's just ridiculous.

[00:39:18]Um but uh yeah, so anyway, so I fought and fought and fought and like like almost to get a diagnosis like a almost to get another like a second opinion from my doctor to get my son retested for autism. Like he looked at me like I had 20 heads and I'm just like oh good god.

[00:39:43]like and me trying to control my self-regulation, not knowing I was, you know, autistic and all that, I just I literally almost just blew up and was like, "What the hell is wrong with you?" you know.

[00:40:00]Anyway, so finally I got another diagnosis um referral but to a different place and um when I went there I talked to the lady and cuz I was searching for like 10 years for an autism assessment and my doctor's like good luck basically.

[00:40:31]Oh, there's a hummingbird at my feeder.

[00:40:34]Um, but yeah, like good luck with that, you know. And he kept saying, "Well, why do you want to know?" Like, basically, he's like, "Why do you want to know?

[00:40:42]What's it going to change?" And I'm like, "It's going to change everything because then I'm not going to be wondering like what is wrong with me?"

[00:40:52]And it's like, I hate that. like doctors should not be allowed to use that vocabulary, you know, and then they wonder why we'd come in with fist cocked when we talk about what Google said.

[00:41:14]It's like I know more about my own things. Like I come in and say what I need to say. And I'm not saying I'm always right, but 90% of the time, 90 like higher than that, I'm right.

[00:41:35]They'll test me for something and they're like, "Oh, oh wow, you do have anemia. Oh wow, you do have this. Oh my goodness."

[00:41:46]you know, and it's like meanwhile they're like, "Well, why why do you want to know like what what's it going to change?" Well, no, it is going to change everything.

[00:41:58]And I really wish doctors would stop gaslighting you and gaslighting everybody to making us think like we're faking nuts.

[00:42:10]I quit school as soon as high school hit. Was too much. flew through the college test when I went back to get my GED for continued education. Clearly, I wasn't incompetent.

[00:42:26]Although they made me believe, yeah, that's just that makes me so mad.

[00:42:35]Yeah. Yeah, we do know ourselves better.

[00:42:39]And I'm getting better at being my own advocate. I used to be a religious like what the doctor said goes don't ask questions don't pass go to collect my $200 like don't you know it's like the doctor was gospel that's how I was raised um and my parents were uh silent generation Um, so my mom was born in 43, so just before the war ended, I think, or just after the war ended, I forget. I'm not good at my history. And my dad was born in 1938, so they're considered the silent generation. So basically, they what they were told, that's what they went with. They didn't question anything.

[00:43:42]It was just what the doctor said was gospel. You didn't dare talk back. You didn't dare say anything against what the doctor said.

[00:43:52]And then that kind of went into the the baby boomer generation um where they followed like you know like um all these gospel truths from the doctor like the doctor was God and that was it.

[00:44:12]And then when my generation come along uh Gen X it's like okay I'm the last of Gen X. So I was born in 80 and but that's how I was raised to again don't go against what the doctor says and unfortunately most of my adult life I did that and I am now paying the price for it.

[00:44:52]Um, I've learned in the last, I don't know, 10 years or so to start speaking up.

[00:45:02]Um, but I procrastinate by that because I'm afraid of the reaction.

[00:45:16]Um, and That's part of the executive dysfunction and we deal with that every day of our lives. Like we're afraid to speak up against a bully. We're afraid to speak up against whoever, you know. Um sometimes you can, but it depends on where you are in your headsp space, right?

[00:45:50]Um, just give me a second.

[00:45:54]This message is held for review. I could only imagine. Just give me a second.

[00:46:08]Oh, okay. Hang on. Why did it uh hide that?

[00:46:38]Why is it hiding your comment?

[00:46:45]I just showed it. Now it's showing.

[00:46:47]What's going on here? I'm hitting show.

[00:46:53]That's weird. Sorry, my stomach is uh Oh.

[00:47:01]Oh, thank you. Yeah. I know for some reason it it um come up as comment for review and the last two people that showed they said something kind of not like appropriate. So, I just hid the comment and I'm not sure why yours all of a sudden said that. So, I just assumed it was somebody trying to say something they shouldn't be saying. Um, yeah, the doctors are some doctors are really good, but there is like my doctor actually like I've had my doctor for like 20 years almost.

[00:47:43]And my doctor knows me enough now that like when I say something, I'm usually spot on. So, a lot of times he doesn't even want to fight me on it. You know what I mean? Like unless it's something like completely out of the water, you know, like I don't know, say I think I have albinism or something like, you know, I don't know. I'm just throwing something strange out there. But it's like then he might bite me on it, you know, and be like, "Okay, Melanie, I don't really think like, you know, but um sometimes like now he usually just kind of agrees with me."

[00:48:27]Um, I mean there is some things he'll be like, "Yeah, maybe we'll wait, you know, and come back in like two months and if you still feel that way or if you're still, you know, experiencing symptoms or whatever, um, then we'll kind of, you know, address it." But, uh, yeah, I mean, like, I've been very blessed where I know some people their doctors are just complete quacks and it's just like they shouldn't even have a license.

[00:48:54]But, uh, yeah. So, um I think I kind of lost my train of thought there. I kind of got stuck on something else, but um yeah, back to CO.

[00:49:06]So, that's where I learned that I was really autistic.

[00:49:12]And then, um I got my son uh reassessed in 2021.

[00:49:19]And I looked at the lady and I said, "I know this is going to sound strange, but and I said, and I know you're probably going to say no, but I said, I'm looking for an adult autism assessment."

[00:49:36]And she looks at me and she kind of smirks and she says, "Oh." She's like, well, she said most people with children on the spectrum will uh one if not both will usually seek out a diagnosis after their child is diagnosed because it is hereditary.

[00:50:11]Um, and it's like, wow. And I said, and she said, "We're we're actually opening up an adult weight list starting in whatever month it was." She said, "Call my my front desk or whatever and and ask."

[00:50:34]And I said, "Okay."

[00:50:36]Um, I said, "I'll be on it."

[00:50:40]and I was her first assessment on the adult weight list.

[00:50:46]And yeah, I was clearly 1,000% autistic and ADHD and OCD. And I was also ODD, which is defiance disorder.

[00:51:07]Um, which they didn't label me back then, but my mom always said I was defiant, like real bad.

[00:51:18]And my mom used to say when I was a kid, like she would smack me or hit me with something cuz back then that's what our parents did. They hit us, you know, and um physical discipline. And um she said I would look at her like I had Satan in my eyes and she'd be like and I'd look at her and be like, "Is that all you got?"

[00:51:44]You know, or I'd look at her and be like, "Is that it?" You know, and that would infuriate her like because I had a high pain tolerance.

[00:51:54]But that was my sensory. That was my sensory sensitivity.

[00:52:02]Like when I was young, even now, like I you pretty much when I go to the hospital, I have to pretty much be dead.

[00:52:11]And my pain tolerance is so high that they don't know how I can even function half the time with the pain I can be in.

[00:52:22]Like when I had my gallbladder attack, um when I had my kidney stone attacks, I had pancreatitis. Like um the pain is like worse than labor pain. And they said like I don't even know how you're walking around and but that's just my hyper sensitivity like my sensory but yet get a paper cut it's where I lost my arm like it's the body is so strange and I remember as a kid every time there was a like a loud noise and now I know this is autism and ADHD also But it's sensory.

[00:53:11]If I knew there was a loud noise, I'd always do this always. And everybody used to make fun of me because they're like, "Oh my god." Like, you know, Melanie always covers her ears.

[00:53:23]And even if I knew it was coming, I still had to cover my ears.

[00:53:30]And when fire alarms went off, I literally would just freak out to the point where like I would have a fullblown anxiety attack.

[00:53:45]Um because and because I'm partly deaf.

[00:53:50]Um I don't know if you heard that in the first video or the first bit of this.

[00:53:58]Yeah, there's so many And half of my family, like my siblings, I believe are also on the spectrum.

[00:54:07]I have one sibling that is actually on a wait list now.

[00:54:14]Um, and she's waiting to be assessed.

[00:54:22]But yeah, like um half of my nieces and nephews are all autistic and ADHD.

[00:54:28]And it was when my nephews were diagnosed and my son is when I really started questioning myself because I saw a lot of myself in them.

[00:54:43]But then when my niece, my first niece that was ever diagnosed, I thought they were wrong because it didn't fit my criteria of what autism and females look like. I didn't even realize females could be autistic.

[00:55:06]And then it's like, so when they said um that she was autistic, I was like, "Yeah, okay."

[00:55:16]But then when she was diagnosed, I really started doing research on what autism and females look like. And I was like, "Oh my god, that is me 1,000%."

[00:55:36]And it's like, but now how do I how do I prove it? Like I went my whole entire life as they thought I had a learning disability.

[00:55:49]But because I had speech delay, I had um problems with my words, I had problems with the English language, I still have problems like with my grammar and stuff.

[00:56:06]Um but and I don't know my timetables and uh I I couldn't even be bothered. I just I couldn't do it.

[00:56:22]Sorry.

[00:56:24]But yeah, so there's just so much to unpack with this diagnosis.

[00:56:32]Like there's so much to unpack.

[00:56:35]And if there's any of you out there that can relate to this, I encourage you to stick around and um like and subscribe to my channel.

[00:56:51]Um because I plan on doing more lives and stuff cuz I do like to actually um mingle with the people on here like um like artistic rebel. Sorry, I can't see from way back there. Like it's nice to actually have a conversation opposed to like uploading a video and getting like one or two comments, you know, from the same people. Like, yes, it's great. I love, you know, the interaction, but I find the live feature is so much better um because then I can talk to people and um yeah.

[00:57:47]Um, so I'm going to do a live at some point and unpack my uh diagnosis.

[00:57:59]Um, I have to do a little more research on a few things because I don't understand the like all the lingo behind it like all the percentiles and all that. Like to me that's Chinese so I have no clue.

[00:58:17]But I want to do a live video on all my report cards. I found all my report cards the other day and I don't know like I don't know if I'm just blind or if the teachers were blind or what but 90% of all my report cards say Melanie needs to focus.

[00:58:43]Melanie daydreams.

[00:58:46]Um Melanie could pay more attention.

[00:58:48]Melanie um you know um is very impatient. Melanie like the list goes on and I just laughed. Like I thought how did they miss this?

[00:59:03]Like I know ADHD was more a thing in the 90s and it wasn't even considered a diagnosis like when like there's a few of my family like my the millennial generation I guess you'd call it that were like diagnosed with ADHD.

[00:59:30]Nobody was diagnosed with autism except for my one cousin that Oh, it is. What time is it here? It is almost 10:00 a.m. here, Tanya.

[00:59:54]So, yeah, it's almost a 12h hour difference.

[01:00:00]Yeah, that's crazy.

[01:00:02]Yeah. No. Um, but yeah, like I said, I want to unpack a few things, but I just got the I just got the ability to go live. So, this is my second live video.

[01:00:15]Um, but I plan on doing more because I find a live I can communicate and talk back and forth more with people and it just feels more personal.

[01:00:30]I just I don't know. I just find it more personal and that way then like you say if you have questions you know you can ask me personally.

[01:00:43]Um, except for the other day I did a live video and somebody asked me if I was born a female and I had to bite my tongue.

[01:00:56]I said, "Yes, I was. Do I not look like a female?" Like, you know, like, sorry, I'm very blunt when it comes to stuff like that. I mean, to each their own, but I just thought that's a random question to ask somebody on a live video. Like, anyways, I digress.

[01:01:16]But it's just I just laughed. I thought like, yeah, do I look like I was born a male? Like, I know I have short hair, but you know, like I have short hair because I got migraine headaches.

[01:01:32]And anyways, I just laughed. But yeah, so I'm going to get going here. Um, I know I kind of uh went off topic there, but let me just finish this off with something. Sorry, I have my little handy dandy notebook iPad here.

[01:01:51]Um, but the one thing I want to point out, um, is there's different assessment options for those who are seeking a diagnosis of autism or ADHD. Just a second, Lax.

[01:02:09]Um, so you can go to a private assessment.

[01:02:15]That's what I did. Come here, Lex. Over here. Come here.

[01:02:20]Um, here's my puppy.

[01:02:24]Say hi, Lex. To everybody in the world.

[01:02:31]My St. Bernard. She's just wanting to say hi to everybody.

[01:02:38]Um, but yeah, so if you are looking for a private assessment, that's how I did it. Um, I talked to my husband about it and that's a whole other video. I'm gonna talk about my husband, but I'll have to bring some tissues.

[01:02:56]Um, he's been exceptionally supportive of my journey. Um, but that's a whole different video.

[01:03:09]Um but yeah, so uh you can go and get a private assessment which is faster, but it does cost money.

[01:03:20]Um but if it's not covered in your area, you can keep your receipts and you should be able to claim that on your income tax. I didn't know that and I missed it. So too bad. So sad for me.

[01:03:35]But anyway, I'm just happy I got my diagnosis on paper.

[01:03:42]You can also ask your doctor about public options and weight lists. So, my sister um is on a wait list. Uh it's 3 years, but uh a couple years I think. Anyways, she's on a wait list and I'm happy for that.

[01:04:02]Um, and the nice thing is that many assessments today can be done online.

[01:04:09]Mine was done online.

[01:04:11]And all I say is be yourself.

[01:04:17]Don't mask.

[01:04:20]Tell the truth.

[01:04:22]Even if it's embarrassing, like about hygiene and the whole nine yards, just tell the truth. Be yourself.

[01:04:31]you've got mail >> and um the interviews and questionnaires and appointments can happen right from your home. So if you're like have if you have like a phobia or like an anxiety of driving like you know big cities big you know all these things most stuff now can be done online and I thought to myself how can she tell I'm autistic online but she said to me she knw knew right away before she even started the assessment.

[01:05:16]I was like, "What?"

[01:05:18]Like, they knew when I asked them about an autism assessment that I was autistic before I even knew I was autistic.

[01:05:27]That's how good these people are. So, if you think you're not going to pass, if you are truly autistic and ADHD, you will have no problem. It's not even a test. It's just a general They just ask me questions and they just generalize everything.

[01:05:46]I had no backup. I had no paperwork. I had no nothing. I just told them basically what I'm telling you and that was that.

[01:06:00]Um, so like I said, don't assume that you have to travel somewhere or sit in an office for hours because most places now will assess you online.

[01:06:17]Um, and just for some of those, and I'm speaking to those people in the back, um, you know who you are. Getting assessed doesn't mean you're looking for a label. Let me just get make that perfectly clear for the people in the back. You know who you are.

[01:06:44]Just because you want an assessment, you're not looking for a label. You're looking to understand who you are as a person, as a human being. You might have autism on your forehead, but that means And I'll just tell you that right straight.

[01:07:04]With my autistic label and my ADHD label, that has changed my life. Like, you have no idea. No idea. I have changed so much and I've learned so much and I'm still learning.

[01:07:22]So, I just want to say to those people that like to say, "Oh, you're just looking for a label. You're looking for free handouts or whatever." Well, I'll just tell you something without sticking my finger up in the air there. That one's for you.

[01:07:39]Anyways, um so again, I just wanted to say thank you for coming on.

[01:07:48]Um, I hope this live will help some of you. Um, and um, if you have any questions, please reach out to me.

[01:08:06]Um, my email is on my, uh, YouTube channel.

[01:08:15]Um, I forget it off the top of my head.

[01:08:19]Um, but if you have um any questions or you want to talk privately, um, everything is strictly confidential.

[01:08:35]Um, I understand because some of the topics in this diagnosis are very hard to address and very hard to admit.

[01:08:56]Um, and I just want to let you know that, you know, it's okay if you're going through some of this stuff and, you know, like you're not alone. And I just want you guys to know that. So, please like and subscribe to my channel, uh, if you haven't already.

[01:09:20]Um, and share my content. Um, so far I think I'm up to 105, which I'm just shocked. But, um, I would still like to, um, you know, keep growing and hopefully someday, um, you know, not make it big, but, you know, like at least be able to help people. That's the whole reason for this channel. So, I will see you guys in the next one. Thanks again for joining and uh it was very nice talking with you ArtisticRebel and Tanya Talk of the Town.

[01:10:04]And who else was on here?

[01:10:08]Let me just take a brief look.

[01:10:14]Um there was a few others at the top and I can't quite see you.

[01:10:20]Oh, list one.

[01:10:23]Liil's one. Sorry.

[01:10:26]Um, yeah. So, and if there's anybody else that said hi on here, I do apologize. It's not letting me go all the way. Oh, uh, Crystal Cristello, thank you very much for your comments.

[01:10:42]and also uh K for real. Um thank you for your comment and I will see you guys in the next one.

[01:10:55]Peace out guys.