The Chelsea Handler Lie that People are Missing

Added: 2026-05-22

[00:00:00]If you listen to modern dating commentary long enough, or heck, not even long enough, just maybe several minutes, you'll hear a common complaint over and over again. Men don't want to commit.

[00:00:11]But as I like to do, I went digging to see how much truth there is to that.

[00:00:15]What we're told is something like this.

[00:00:18]Men have become or have always been immature and they're afraid to commit, thereby refusing to settle down and to get married.

[00:00:26]Now, that feels good and validates feelings for women who are rejected in the dating market, but it's far too simple.

[00:00:33]Because it only assumes male reluctance as a personality deflect defect without considering whether men are, in fact, responding rationally to a culture that changed its terms of agreement.

[00:00:46]So, let's talk about the men won't commit or the men are afraid of commitment narrative.

[00:00:52]Because the data show that when it's kept that simple, it's incomplete and even dishonest. Because data do not support the commonly accepted fairy tale that men categorically reject marriage, children, or romantic connection.

[00:01:05]First, let's go over what reported data actually tell us, and then I'll give an example from a very recent and public example of how it contradicts what women want other women to believe.

[00:01:18]In February 2024, that's just over 2 years ago, Pew Research Center reported that among never-married adults aged 18 to 34, 69% said they wanted to get married someday.

[00:01:32]23% said they were unsure, and only 8% said that they did not want to get married.

[00:01:37]Now, importantly, Pew states that never-married men and women in that age range were about equally likely to say that they wanted to marriage someday.

[00:01:47]So, that 2024 Pew report speaks to men's long-term values and life goals around marriage and family.

[00:01:55]The same report included a large gap around children.

[00:01:59]According to Pew's report, among adults again aged 18 to 34 who did not have children, 57% of young men said that they wanted children someday, compared to 45% of women.

[00:02:13]So, the Pew evidence is that men aged 18 to 34 remain as interested in marriage as women are, and men reported stronger interest in having children than do women. With those stats in mind, what's really going on is a little more clear, and that the truth is not that men don't want commitment.

[00:02:33]The issue is that commitment has become harder to justify under modern marriage and parenting outcomes.

[00:02:41]The truth is that men can want marriage, children, and commitment in principle, and still hesitate when they offer that they're ultimately given is one-sided, temporary, expensive, and distrustful.

[00:02:53]Consider this.

[00:02:55]Men can want children someday, while at the same time avoiding certain women, legal systems, cultural expectations, and relationship outcomes that make marriage and fatherhood very risky.

[00:03:09]What's never addressed and discussed in greater society is that wanting commitment as a life goal is not the same as blindly acting upon it in those opportunities simply because it exists.

[00:03:22]What men understand and what women either fail to understand or to accept is that while men still value and want marriage, family, and long-term attachment, they've become more distrustful of the modern conditions and potential outcomes that are attached to those events.

[00:03:40]In short, what women say is men's fear of commitment is often actually men's assessment of and tolerance for risk.

[00:03:48]For example, divorce, as we all know, remains common enough that caution is rational. Pew reported in 2025 that more than 1.8 million Americans divorced in 2023 and about 1/3 of Americans who have ever been married have also experienced divorce.

[00:04:06]Family breakdown often also pushes fathers out.

[00:04:10]And for many men the fear is not just losing a relationship, but losing daily proximity to their children.

[00:04:17]The child support system is also evidence of how commitment can become a long-term financial and legal obligation after relationships end.

[00:04:25]Time and time again, what we see is that men are look looking at the modern problem and structures around commitment and the risk of divorce, potential potential loss of their children and their financial risk and they're asking what are the terms offered to me for my commitment?

[00:04:43]And if the terms include signing up for 50% chance of getting a divorce, 70% chance that she'll file if it does happen, 85% chance that they'll get their kids 26 weekends a year, and if it includes 90% chance that they'll pay child support in addition to losing an undetermined amount of their property and financial assets, then men assess those terms and they respond by saying nah, I'm good.

[00:05:11]I don't accept those terms.

[00:05:14]Now, let me put this into a little context with an example from just a few days ago.

[00:05:20]Last week Chelsea Handler spoke with Howie Mandel about relationships and commitment.

[00:05:26]And as I continue, keep in mind that she's never been married and she has no children.

[00:05:32]Apparently her longest relationship it appears to have been with uh some guy named Ted Harbers Harbers something like that that ended in 2010 when she was in her mid-30s. That was her longest at 4 years.

[00:05:45]And since then she's had a two-year relationship and a one-year relationship.

[00:05:50]During the discussion with Mandel, Handler criticized with modern dating culture and said that men struggle to commit.

[00:05:57]And her argument included that dating apps give men too many options, which has weakened traditional dating effort, I think is how she put it.

[00:06:06]Media coverage noted that she described frustration by sharing Sorry, frustration that's shared by successful women who can't can't find quality partners. While also saying that she herself has embraced a more casual approach to dating.

[00:06:22]That's why her anecdotal comments are misleading at best.

[00:06:27]Because her personal experience exposes the larger contradiction that surrounds modern conversations around commitment.

[00:06:34]Well, she's essentially saying that men do not want to commit anymore, which contradict Pew's data, while participating and defending a broader culture in which women's commitment has continued to decline, hers included.

[00:06:51]And by the way, she's actually two years younger than me. She's only 51.

[00:06:56]Now, I'm not saying that I'm anything better than a six, maybe a seven on my best day. But what exactly is going on right here?

[00:07:03]But regardless of looking like she belongs in a nursing home, Handler's comments [clears throat] reveal the way in which many women in society talk about commitment as if men somehow abandoned their willingness to commit for no reason at all. Are men less and less willing to commit?

[00:07:19]Actually, yes. Hell yes, they are. And for good reason.

[00:07:24]It's simply not a level playing field.

[00:07:26]Men did not create the current dating, divorce, and child custody landscape all by themselves. And they are not the only ones who have adapted to it all in the past 40 years.

[00:07:37]When women's own personal freedom, their sexual autonomy, casual dating, and self-prioritization are all celebrated, then they should not, I don't think, be shocked when we stop treating commitment like an obvious moral obligation that they've defined for us.

[00:07:54]Everywhere we look, women are telling other women to maximize their freedom, embrace the casual sex, and many other things that include liberating-type lifestyles. If they want to delay marriage and treat traditional gender expectations as oppressive, fine. They can go argue for that and do whatever they want with their lives. I don't care.

[00:08:16]But that worldview has consequences, and men are responding accordingly.

[00:08:21]My point here is that women no longer get to destroy the sanctity of marriage and parenthood, replace it with individual freedom, and then complain when men say, "Fuck this, I'm out."

[00:08:33]There are still plenty of men out there who understand that so-called commitment is more than warm fuzzy feelings.

[00:08:38]For many guys, especially those with strong honor and values, commitment is much more than that. It's a structure.

[00:08:45]It's a lifestyle. And they're willing to commit more confidently when they're given respect, reciprocity, and credit for the work that they do put into a marriage and fatherhood.

[00:08:55]But when those things are missing, their commitment becomes social compliance.

[00:09:01]Now listen, no one, men and women alike, none of them, wants a commitment that requires sacrifice without receiving respect stability, and continued security down the road.

[00:09:13]But specific to men, they're expected to commit while also told that expecting anything in return is their own insecurity and misogyny. Handler and other women like her want to spread the easy narrative that says men won't commit, or men don't want to commit.

[00:09:29]But now we know that the reality is that there's very little reason for them to.

[00:09:33]In fact, I applaud men who are unwilling to commit given the terms that they are receiving. Why would they?

[00:09:40]As we know, data show that this is more complex than women understand or admit.

[00:09:45]Both young men and women are equally likely to say that they want marriage.

[00:09:49]Young men without children are more likely than young women to say that they want children.

[00:09:55]And single men are more likely than single women to say that they're looking for some kind of romantic connection at all.

[00:10:02]To me, that's a dating culture where commitment is still has, I guess, maybe some type of appeal to men, but actual long-term conditions given to them are now rejected more than ever.

[00:10:13]So, the final point is the same old story that keeps mislabeling men's caution as their failure. But, the real explanation is sitting right there front and center.

[00:10:23]Now, more than ever, men are carefully assessing women's relationship offers, which has become nothing more, I guess, really than a classic bait and switch since the 1980s.

[00:10:34]Thanks for sticking to the end. As always, I think my next will be flipping the script around fatherlessness and its negative impacts on children.

[00:10:42]And asking, "Why are single mothers destroying our children?" Hope you'll come back for that one soon. Enjoy your day, and I'll be back soon.