The Transactional Relationship Myth In The Philippines.

[00:00:00]Hello you lovely lovely people. Welcome back to the channel. And I want to uh I hope I can clear a few things up here uh regarding uh one was a big long comment that I got and you know it was a great comment and a good opinion that he had. And the other one I want to clean up is um why why foreigners always think not all but there's a fair few and most of them probably haven't even been to the Philippines that all your relationships in the Philippines will be transactional and uh it's simply not true. It's not true. Not with everybody because at the end of the day, Filipinos are human beings and human beings have the same emotions everywhere in the world.

[00:00:55]Now, there are two there are three mindsets.

[00:01:00]I don't say two, there are three mindsets. One is the family loyalty with a Filipina. Okay? And the other one is the provider. how they look at us or their partner, not necessarily foreigners, but with a traditional Filipino culture. And yes, I know, you know, traditions are dying all over the world and here so as well, but maybe not as quick as what they are in the West. You know, women tend to be drawn in no matter where you are. But you because I'm talking about the Philippines, we're talking about here, okay? So, you know, women tend to be drawn into or, you know, with partners who are honest, [clears throat] direct, and they act as reliable providers and maybe protectors as well.

[00:01:51]So I think foreign men are often seen as [sighs] you're possessing those qualities whereas perhaps a Filipino person, boy, man might not be.

[00:02:11]Not all again, not all, but some. And I think this is where a lot of Filipinos when they you know when you talk to a Filipino and you say well why don't you want to go with a Filipino and like a lot of them come out with the same based on the same story whereas you know many Filipinos are drinkers so are many foreigners when they come here many Filipinos don't take their money back to their wives you know before they have a good old drink with it with their friends after they finish work and again I'm not stereotyping been here. I'm not saying all, but the the comment that I had, it was a big long comment like I think it's about two or three videos back and he said that all all uh you know like a Filipina cannot love a foreigner like she can love her own kind.

[00:03:08]Well, I disagree with that.

[00:03:12]And I wrote a comment back to him and I said exactly that. I said, I disagree with that. I said, you know, what makes you say that? And he did have a good valid point where he says, well, Filipinos can talk properly to Filipinos, you know, in their own language. They, you know, they they have better communication. And I do agree with that. And I'm the first to say that me and my wife, we don't have really deep conversations.

[00:03:38]And I think that's stems from a couple of reasons. One, my wife probably doesn't uh understand some of the things that I'm saying. And the second one is is that we don't really put ourselves in a position where we have to have heartto-hearts. We have conversation but is it deep conversation sometimes but not that much. Now these transactionals which is you know it's a conditional you relationship really it's built around hidden agreements isn't it? And uh it's like I will do this for you if I get this back in return. Now I've never felt like that. My wife has never really asked me for anything. So you know I can't just say well it's wrong based on my own uh relationship. But I don't think that's the case with all you know it's like a tick for tat isn't it?

[00:04:44]A transactional relationship is a tit for tat. I'll give you this if you give me that in return. And I think because there are relationships like that all over the world. It's not just the Philippines, but we're talking of the Philippines here. And I do think it does go on here. And I think as long as the parties in that relationship are happy with that, then it doesn't matter. But for people to think that every relationship in the Philippines is transactional, I think is terrible. And I think many of them many relationships here are relational and they are unconditional [sighs] uh you know they built on a foundation of love you know genuine love um and affection and [sighs] I do I'm speaking personally here I do feel an emotional connection with my wife even after seven years the seven year hitch they say oh eight yes we've been together for seven years they say that seven year hits, but I'm I feel a deep a deep your emotional contact with my wife or like a relationship with my wife. And I think many people who who say that all Filipinos are scammers and that I think look I was scammed when I come to the Philippines as you know. But I wouldn't categorize every Filipino as a scammer because I was scammed once.

[00:06:12]And I think that's what a lot of people do when they have a relationship with a Filipina and it goes wrong and they just categorize all of the same all the same.

[00:06:23]Um and and another thing that I would like to clean up is um death by a thousand cuts. And there are quite a lot of videos out there about it and I totally get that. I'm not trying to um you know to you know to you know to gloss this over by saying there's there is no such thing in the Philippines. There is and um it's you because of the way it you know it it is here you know you you know you can suffer from anxiety, depression, waiting for this, waiting for that. the brown outs or the blackouts can you know drive people mental especially when it's time after time after time after time and it's just my phone it's just the Philippines and I've said this time and time again it does take a special kind of somebody to you know to actually live through these times where you are oh I think what have I done I I've done the wrong thing by coming to in the Philippines.

[00:07:30]That I think is a normal feeling for, you know, for many of us. Um, I think the people who probably don't feel like that who come to the Philippines are the people who are traveling around the Philippines, you know, the uh travel vloggers. And of course, when they staying in hotels, they don't really suffer brownouts like we do because most of these decent hotels have generators.

[00:07:53]So as soon as soon as there's a blackout, you know, on with the generator and uh so they don't really suffer that kind of anxiety if you like. Um and it is hard living here. And I'm not going to gloss over it people. It can be hard. But isn't it hard to live anywhere in the world? You know, I think when I was in England, I worried about more things when I was there than I do here.

[00:08:22]here. I just have uh bad feelings of brownouts and you know when you go to a shop and you can't explain yourself properly what you want and they say no more sir and then you look there he said there it is there it's there. It's because it's that communication breakdown and I think you'll always get that here. And um even if you go to the biggest cities and um they speak really good English, I don't think that they can totally understand us what we are really deeply saying.

[00:08:56]And I certainly don't understand a lot of them. I don't really I don't. And I'm not saying that in a bad way, in a detrimental way or a derogatory way.

[00:09:03]It's just it's it's [sighs] two two countries colliding if you like.

[00:09:09]Um it's you know two two different cultures colliding.

[00:09:15]Um and I think the more we try and understand this culture the more it baffles me sometimes like with the superstitions and things like that. Now, I don't [sighs] I'm not a superstitious person, you know. Um, my wife is very superstitious, so I respect her beliefs.

[00:09:40]But when she says to me this or that, and I'm trying to get my head around it, in the end now, I just forget about it.

[00:09:46]I just say, "Yeah, okay, baby. If you want to do that, I'm going to put some some salt here or some this or that or this." she'll go out and get some some kind of herbs out the garden and place that around the windows and doors, especially now we've got Zach.

[00:09:59][clears throat and cough] Uh I just go along with it now because that's her belief. Like I said, it's two different cultures coming together and sometimes they do collide because I think if you're not prepared to understand how things work in a different country, then you're just going to be at loggerheads with yourself and you're just going to say a stupid people do this that you can't be like that really.

[00:10:23]Well, well, you can't if you want to, but it's just it's not going to do you any favors. So, transactional relationships, it happens. It happens all over the world, but I don't think every single relationship in the Philippines is transactional, regardless of um age gap. Now, yes, when you see someone who's all like 70s, 80s with like a 20-year-old, you know, there's got to be I mean, even me, and I'm quite open-minded, I think, well, that's probably to do with financial gain, transactional But a lot of foreigners as well when they come here and they don't know what it's like with a Filipino. Like for an example, you know, you could be walking down the road and you want to hold your partner's hand. I'm not that kind of guy, so I don't do it. But I've heard that Filipinos don't like holding their boyfriend's hands in public. I don't know. It's just what I've heard. So many foreigners might take that as well they don't care for me very much because they don't want to show their you know they don't you know they don't want to express their love for me outside the house. Well that's just how they are I think. I don't know. I mean I'm not I'm not like a cuddly cuddly out in the street anyway or you know wanting to hold hands out in the street. That's just not me. So I don't know about that cuz I've never I don't do it. But I mean, as for these um Filipinos, can they truly love a foreigner? I mean, yes, of course they can. And I think people who say no, they no they don't. They, you know, they just ask you for your money, in some cases they are. Of course they are. That goes without saying. I'm not trying to deny that. But what I am denying is when people say that all relationships are transactional, and it's simply not the case. people. It's not.

[00:12:23]People have bad relationships all over the world. People have bad relationships in the Philippines. The difference is we've traveled like a long way to come here. So, we might have a little bit more anger in us where something has gone wrong because we might automatically think, well, I've given up everything in my country to come to your country and you've took this from me, you've took that from me, then you blow me out. I could understand how people would feel with that. But at the same time, we can't t everybody and everything with the same brush just because we've had a bad experience.

[00:12:54]Um, like me, I had that bad experience, but I didn't think, "Oh, God, I'll never get with a Filipino again because they all the same." I didn't think that, you know, it's just it happens. It happens.

[00:13:06]And we have to protect ourselves as best as we can. But how can you protect yourself against something that that hasn't happened? You can't keep having that doubt in your mind think well you know you know like if I do get close to that Filipina she might do me a wrong [sighs] you can't think like that people you know the telltale signs of women or men it can happen on both you know it's not just women but there are telltale signs like if they keep wanting money all the time or they keep you know demanding things I think that's you know being very high maintenance. And I think perhaps that could be a sign or it might just be how they are. You know, they might not be wanting to scam you, but they just might. Don't forget as well, Filipinos are very easily influenced by their friends, their friends and family.

[00:14:04][snorts] So, when they are with you, you being the foreigner, you being what they think is the rich foreigner. And like I've said before, many foreigners in the Philippines are not rich. But they don't see that. They're, you know, later you might explain to your Filipino, look, I've only got this, I've only got that.

[00:14:21]You know, we've only got enough just to do this with and that with. But of course, their family and friends won't believe that. So, they will be wanting them to do this and do that. And that puts pressure on your partner.

[00:14:33]So I think as soon as you get that straight with your partner look and say look I'm not if you start to get influenced by them wanting this and wanting that then it's going to harm our relationship which I did with my wife's family and things seem to have been lovely now for I don't know six or seven months or something. Um but people you know don't think that all all these relationships are transactional in the Philippines. You know there are many foreigners here that's been with Philip their wives for much longer than I have and they are still happy and feel very much in love. So that being said people I'm going to go I thought I had I had to make that video because of the comment that I got. And if the Philippines is not for you don't torment yourself. You know, like I said, give it time. But even after a certain amount of time, you still feel the same.

[00:15:20]Then rather than antagonize yourself and wind yourself, well, perhaps it is time to bite the bullet and think, "Well, I've got to get on a plane and get out of here." There's no shame in that.

[00:15:31]There's no shame in that because you've tried. You give it time. But some things are just not meant to be for everybody.

[00:15:38]And that's it, people. I'm done. And uh I think it's quiet. I think this video is quiet. My little Zach's crying downstairs. Uh, listen people, thank you very much and uh, whatever you you know, whatever you do, try and do it well. And I'm over and out. I'll see you next time, babe. Thank you people. Bye-bye.