I Used to be "Not Like the Other Girls"

Added: 2026-05-23

[00:00:00]Hey guys, it's Snowbyrde. Dude, I remember the first time I got called out for being girly.

[00:00:06]This unnamed male family member of mine was like,  "Dude, are you listening to Justin Bieber?" And I was like, "Yeah, dude, he's gay. Only girls listen to him." Completely ignoring the fact that I, in fact, was a girl. And that type of thing back  in my day happened everywhere with everything.

[00:00:26]"Only girls play that game." "Only girls watch that kind of movie." Only girls listen to that kind of music." So, I felt a lot of frustration and anger  towards being feminine because I didn't want to be the uncool one just because I was girly. And one  fine day, pre-teen me was scrolling around on the internet when I saw a new concept. A girl who was  not like the other girls. She wore sneakers. She hated wearing dresses in the color pink. And she  was as tomboy as possible. She was everywhere in books, in movies, in shows, everywhere. This shook  me to my core. I know these days its giving Pick me girl energy, but you need to understand that back  then it constantly felt like society was putting so many girls into a specific box that I didn't  really see myself in. So, it meant something.

[00:01:20]There was a type of girl who wanted to challenge  society's stereotyping by being different even while knowing there would be judgments and that  they didn't care about it. And so in order to rebel against society, to stand out, to be  cool, I had to be not like the other girls.

[00:01:41]Now listen, hindsight is 2020. Back then,  misogyny was everyone's favorite hobby, okay? No one was missing out. For my POV,  this whole "not like the other girls" thing, or "NLOG" for short, started off as a way to  step out of stereotypes and end up as another misogynistic way to dismiss other girls and make  them feel lesser than. Yikes. But regardless, I felt really insecure about myself, and being an  NLOG was a way to cope with that. I felt like a lot of my girly friends were super pretty and were  getting the attention of guys and they were all into hobbies that I wasn't really into. And me... none of that came to me. Boys couldn't possibly comprehend the irresistible beauty I held inside  me. And I couldn't really get into the hobbies that my friends were into because of the shame  I felt due to prior incidents. So naturally, since I felt left out and insecure, being an NLOG gave me this fighting chance at feeling secure in myself because in my head, I thought that since  I'm different and I'm not like the other girls, I was special and cool, too, or whatever. Listen,  insecurity makes you do some stupid stuff, dude. I mean, it's obvious now, but I didn't  realize thinking like that came at a cost of viewing my girlfriends as slightly lesser than.  I was just trying to feel cool at whatever cost.

[00:03:04]And that's when I started to get more into  NLOG hobbies. And when I say that, I basically mean hobbies that my unnamed male  family member approved of because if guys did it, that means it's cool, dude. I started listening  to rock music. I watched a lot of wrestling and I played a lot of video games. And guys, if I'm  being real with you, I actually really do like WWE and video games, just not the rock music as  much. But as a kid, I was definitely doing it a lot more performatively to get people's approval,  you know. But since I genuinely like video games, I thought trying to fit into spaces for gamers  would feel more fun and accepting, right? Wrong.

[00:03:52]Do you guys remember the term girl gamer? If you  don't, it's as dumb as you think. If you were a girl and you were a gamer, you weren't just a  gamer, you were a girl gamer. And that indirectly just meant you had to jump through an extra set  of hoops just trying to prove yourself. Guys, looking back, online gaming spaces were scary,  dude. It was like shark infested waters, dude.

[00:04:18]There were piranhas, too, and some electric eels  as well. I don't know how streamers who are women do it, bro. Hell is clearly empty cuz all the  demons are in the chat, bro. And for that reason, I felt like being a quote unquote girl gamer  in the space was strange. Whenever I'd have a convo with a guy about video games, it would  go in two ways. [One] yeah. So, I like playing video games as a hobby. Woah! Wait, you're a girl  that plays video games? I... I never heard of that.

[00:04:51]Um... Sorry. I just... I just don't know how to act  with girl gamers. I just think it's so attractive.

[00:05:02]That's great... Wait, bro. Where your clothes at?  [Or Two]. Yeah. So, I like playing video games. Yeah, sure. I bet you like playing mobile games, huh?  Not really. Oh, wait. Let me guess. You play The Sims, right? Oh, yeah. I actually like that  game. Heh. Typical girl gamer. Once you play Call of Duty, you can call yourself a real gamer. I  don't care. And you would think I'm exaggerating.

[00:05:31]I'm not. I'm really not. You either get judged  into oblivion and now you're fighting for your life trying to prove yourself or you get really  strangely objectified. And honestly, of course, while I describe it, it sounds super cringe.  But as a pre-teen fighting for some attention anywhere, those crumbs that I found in those  spaces were feeding me. And as an NLOG, I kind of like the shock and intrigue people  would give me just cuz I seemed so different and unique from the other girls, even though everyone  regardless of gender can be a nerd. But okay, it was addicting and a big part of why I hung around  in those types of online spaces, even though they were weird. But yeah, with that, I think it's  time we talk about the elephant in the room.

[00:06:17]It's obvious and it's embarrassing to admit,  but I have male validation issues. As an NLOG, I used to do things in hopes that guys would  notice me. And I know some people will judge and cringe and call me a pickme for that. But I'm  sure some of you will understand what I'm talking about. There's this addicting feeling you get from  being noticed. And I never got that. So, I chased after crumbs for years and years. I mentioned it  here and there, but I grew up on the internet.

[00:06:44]And to no surprise, the internet is a horrible  place to be raised on. Early on, I saw a lot of people get popular and praised just for being  attractive. Every influencer looked not like me, especially cuz they were white. I would just keep  wishing that I look like the other girls because I wanted people to look at me and think I'm pretty  and be in awe of me and think about me and like me just like they did with my pretty friends or  influencers. And I wanted that because I wanted people to pay attention to me. And I wanted  that because I wanted to feel loved and feel important and feel remembered and cared about.  As an adult, I know it was never about the men.

[00:07:31]I feel like society puts such a big pressure on  women to be pretty and perfect at all times. And they try to make it seem like such a big deal.  But at the end of the day, a lot of us just want to feel loved and cared about. That's why a lot  of us became NLOGS and pick mes to begin with.

[00:07:47]But instead, I got stuck with this unnamed man.  He's always watching whatever I do no matter what. And I always had to make sure I looked all  right in case he was judging. And I kind of hope he leaves soon, but I had to put on that NLOG persona hoping that at least guys would like me that way. But all I was doing was burying the real  me because the real me felt really, really, really embarrassing. When I think about femininity and  the feminine experience, there's always this one looming feeling that's been there for me no matter  what. Shame. And as an Indian girl, shame was such a big part of womanhood growing up. I remember  the first time I got my period. I didn't have any prior knowledge of what a period even was. So when  I got it at home, I was horrified. And when I told my mom, she was like, "Hmmm, you probably got your  period or maybe you're hemorrhaging." EXCUSE ME?

[00:08:50]WHAT? And that's not even the worst part. She  told me, "No matter what you do, do not tell your dad or your brother about this. No man  can ever know." And in that moment, I felt so much shame. Over something that was something that was completely  natural. And to this day, I have no idea why this had to be such a secretive, shameful thing for me  because what's going to happen if guys find out?

[00:09:17]There's nothing even remotely suggestive about  it. But every time the time of the month came, I couldn't even tell my mom that I got my period.  We literally had to use code words because it was that shameful. And just like that period story, so  much of the feminine experience for me was labeled with shame. I had to always dress a specific way  around certain people. I remember my friend's parents being like, "You should tell her to cover  up. She's showing way too much skin." And then, of course, the judgmental stairs from people  on the sidewalk when I dress the way I wanted to. And I slowly had to tone it down and be more  palatable for people. Even now, at the age of 24, my local elders tell me how I should dress and  what I should look like. And it never fails to fill me with rage. I also noticed how women with  specific body types just get objectified into oblivion or made fun of, which is so crazy cuz  controversial opinion alert, having big boobs is not a suggestive thing, you freaks. It's just our  bodies. And being fat or skinny or chubby or fit is okay. It's all okay. The shaming you get for  having a specific body type has always just been so insane to me. But yeah, there's just so much  shame associated in so many aspects of living as a woman. It's happened with everyone, too. Me, my  friends, girls that I don't even know, we've all had our bodies picked apart and criticized like  it's a decision we choose on a random Monday to decide to look like this. It's annoying. And being  an NLOG felt like escaping that shame because being more similar to a man felt less shameful  in some ways, which is kind of a crazy thing to realize now that I'm saying it out loud. And after  a while, I started to realize something else, too.

[00:11:11]So, I have a confession to make. At some  point, I started questioning my gender.

[00:11:16]And in all those questions, I slowly realized... what even is the difference between men and women? People of all genders can have different  anatomies and everything else is all just made up. Like it's all just stupid madeup rules  that humans just decided. None of this means anything because men and women and everyone  in between can do whatever they please. They can be whoever they want. So what did it even  mean to be a woman? And assuming you are one, why do you get shamed and judged for  whatever you decide that answer to be?

[00:11:57]Guys, I'm not afraid to admit it now. I freaking  love pink. I love doing my makeup. I love getting dressed up. I love doing my nails. After a whole  decade, I finally realized I was in fact like the other girls. And I'm happy to say that because I  admire the other girls. I felt like what made me realize that it was okay to be girly was my best  friend. I just truly admired the fact that they were being themselves. And I just love their  entire style. And I had stars in my eyes every time I look at them. And honestly, it's still  the same way. I think it was always inside me.

[00:12:34]I had this burning desire to embrace femininity.  Sometimes I'd go out and look at all these cute outfits and think about how I wanted to wear  them, but I'd feel this internalized shame when I thought about me wearing them. But I took  baby steps and then I kind of realized the whole NLOG thing wasn't even really working for me.  It just made me feel so ashamed to do things that I actually wanted to do. I've talked to  a lot of fem peers and a lot of us had this hating pink to loving pink pipeline and it's so  interesting how it's so common for us. There's so much shame in doing things that are commonly  associated with femininity and I still feel like that's the case. So just do what the freak you  want to do, dude. We got to start letting this [ __ ] go. There's nothing wrong with being  feminine or girly. And there's nothing wrong if you don't want to do that either. We're all  just sacks of meat floating around on a rock.

[00:13:27]you might as well feel proud of yourself and do  whatever you want while you still can. So yeah, I just wanted to talk about that and I hope you  too can realize how stupid and pointless this all is. There really was nothing to be ashamed  about. Thanks for listening to me ramble.