Ep. 326 - Build-A-Brotha w/ Nate Marshall & Mathew Mitchell pt. 1

Added: 2026-05-09

[00:00:03]Heat up here.

[00:00:38]Welcome back to Dad Meat, [ __ ] Matt Mitchell, Nate Marshall, how are you?

[00:00:42]>> Oo, I I don't know how I am yet.

[00:00:44]>> Here's the deal.

[00:00:45]>> It all depends on the rest of this day.

[00:00:46]>> Now, listen. I only have three of these blue and black folding chairs. And uh I knew there was going to be some reason down the line where I would buy this black power chair and Nate instinctively walked towards the black power chair. So >> you called it immedel you look powerful in it.

[00:01:05]>> Thank you. Thank you. Sitting high.

[00:01:07]>> Yeah.

[00:01:07]>> Sitting high. I look I'm on the same like I feel like I'm on the same height playing with y'all right now.

[00:01:11]>> Yeah. Matt's on full on Italian grandfather mode, right?

[00:01:14]>> Yeah. I got a got a stogy for the cast.

[00:01:17]>> Stog is a crazy move. I figure, yeah, I'm going to be a strong silent type for this one. Let you guys take care of the riffing. I'll just sit here and nod.

[00:01:25]>> Dude, that that's a mess. That's like a a Looney Tunes baby cigar.

[00:01:28]>> Yeah, I said I said I'd like your biggest cigar.

[00:01:32]>> That was the way you went about it.

[00:01:33]>> Yeah, that's what I wanted. I was going for size.

[00:01:34]>> I'd be worried about the end exploding the whole time.

[00:01:38]>> Start hearing a wick sizzle in there.

[00:01:40]You know, something's up.

[00:01:42]>> Oh, that'd be a great gag.

[00:01:44]>> Man, you're really indulging, Matt. Matt Matt's got a uh a sauna membership now.

[00:01:48]Yeah. I got >> It's just a sauna.

[00:01:50]>> It Well, it's a It's a bath house technically, >> huh? Yeah. The massages in there.

[00:01:55]>> They do massages. Yeah. Okay. They do massages. They got a mineral hot tub.

[00:01:59]>> What are the deals we're talking What kind of prices we got going?

[00:02:01]>> Yeah. Come on, man. That's personal.

[00:02:02]>> Come on, man. Spill the bag, be >> I can't be I have a different man. I'm employed. I've got jobs.

[00:02:07]>> Yeah. Let's do some context clues. He didn't have a driver's license three and a half months ago.

[00:02:11]>> I think we can accurately gauge the price point from there. I'm going to say it's under $40 a month.

[00:02:16]>> You're wrong. Ah, >> no. It's all right. Under 80.

[00:02:20]>> I mean, guys, I >> say 120.

[00:02:24]>> 120. I wish I could say you were right.

[00:02:27]>> No, >> I wish. Yeah, but I'm I will say with it, you get yoga classes. You get other stuff.

[00:02:33]>> You really taking advantage of those?

[00:02:34]>> Yeah.

[00:02:36]>> Are you doing yoga or you being a creep in a yoga studio?

[00:02:38]>> No, not Come on, man.

[00:02:40]>> I mean, no, cuz if it was me, I'd be being a creep in a yoga studio. I'm just being I'm just, you know, >> this is why you can't come to the sauna.

[00:02:46]This is why you're not invited, man.

[00:02:48]>> If there's If I can't be a creep there, I don't want to be there. I'm just show one black chair in the middle.

[00:02:54]>> A bunch of dudes stretching. I don't even go. Nate, don't look at the babes.

[00:03:00]>> My money back. This place stinks. They suddenly have a no basketball shorts dress code.

[00:03:06]No Tims, no Tims, no.

[00:03:08]>> No long white TE's.

[00:03:09]>> Yo, those signs were crazy back in the day.

[00:03:12]>> Dude, there's just Say it. Just say it.

[00:03:14]Poor Choices has a sign like that, dude.

[00:03:16]>> Who?

[00:03:16]>> Poor Choices on 6th.

[00:03:18]>> I don't even know where it is, >> dude. It's It's owned by a fella, but uh you go in there.

[00:03:23]>> Does that mean like a black guy?

[00:03:24]>> Yeah. Yeah, black guy. Was it? And it's But it says, >> "All right, now quick question.

[00:03:27]>> Yeah.

[00:03:28]>> How did you get to fella? What was in your head before fella?"

[00:03:30]>> I didn't want It's owned by a specific black guy and I didn't want to call him out by now.

[00:03:33]>> Sometimes the nword is a wide creass in your mind and the sideep that you do takes you to a weird word.

[00:03:44]All right. But it's a guy, you know.

[00:03:46]>> Yeah, it's a guy we all know. But yeah, you go there, it's like no do-rags, no baggy clothing, no no tank tops, no nothing.

[00:03:54]>> Okay.

[00:03:54]>> Yeah. An intense dress code over a poor choices.

[00:03:57]>> Okay, >> let's throw it to Nate on this. Did black guys ever think about like just dressing different and still blacking up places when that happened?

[00:04:05]>> I didn't mean to phrase it.

[00:04:06]>> No, cuz I've never thought about the last part.

[00:04:09]>> Circumvent the >> I've never thought about the last part.

[00:04:11]dress code, but still just be yourself in there >> and see what happens.

[00:04:15]>> I don't think personality code. It's never I I always got stuck on FaceTime.

[00:04:21]>> FaceTime when I when I used to see FaceTime wasn't a thing yet. But uh >> Oh, true.

[00:04:26]>> It's not our fault. We love connection.

[00:04:28]>> We love connection. You guys hate connection.

[00:04:30]>> Can't stand it.

[00:04:31]>> That is true.

[00:04:32]>> You guys don't even talk on the phone.

[00:04:33]Y'all are strictly text.

[00:04:33]>> I hate everything I'm from and everything I'm about. I don't want to be reminded of it at all.

[00:04:37]>> Yeah. The whole fun of a phone call is you don't need to make eye contact with the guy. You can just like do your own thing. But >> what if you miss your bro? How is he going to see how is he going to see the long in in your eyes?

[00:04:47]>> Well, what I do is I call and then I have a locket with my bro's picture that I into.

[00:04:52]He's real old school. Remember him while I was off to war?

[00:04:58]>> So, you're reaping the benefits of all these new programs you're you're getting involved in. You feeling good?

[00:05:02]>> Yeah. Well, I got I got really really sick. I think is Legionnaire's disease, but I No, I I got run down, but it's actually been like the Sauna cures all.

[00:05:12]>> Yeah.

[00:05:12]>> Yeah. I'm probably getting everyone else sick, but I'm feeling fantastic.

[00:05:15]>> Yeah. The issue is like they got one at the at the gym I go to, but I won't go in there just because the vibe's always too weird.

[00:05:22]>> Is it ever normal in the sauna?

[00:05:23]>> Like a little gay?

[00:05:24]>> It's always normal.

[00:05:25]>> It's not even just gay, but it's like it's guys in there in full-on [ __ ] work boots.

[00:05:30]>> Yeah.

[00:05:31]>> Mexicans, black guys. No, just just >> I jumped the Mexican. There's not enough of us down here to be I don't there's none of us enough of us down here for a dress code anywhere.

[00:05:43]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:05:45]>> That's another anti black dress code.

[00:05:47]Must enter with work boots.

[00:05:52]>> Yeah. Tims must be dirty to get here, >> man. Dude. Yeah.

[00:05:58]>> No uncreased sneakers.

[00:06:01]I I did already clock everybody's shoes as we were walking in the grass. I was like, "No one cares about standing in the grass." But no, I use mine.

[00:06:08]>> I'd love to mow a lawn in a pair of these puppies right here.

[00:06:12]>> Which uh ethnicity is the bath house, by the way? Is this a uh Eastern European?

[00:06:16]Is this a >> This is a This is like a festival chick bath house weird vibe where it's like >> mushrooms all over the place, psychedelic theme >> bath house, but it's really the only option.

[00:06:29]>> Is it a co uh song? Yeah, it's co. Yeah.

[00:06:31]>> Wow.

[00:06:32]>> And you're telling me you're not in there looking at [ __ ] You're a liar.

[00:06:36]>> I think I'm I'm finding out you're a liar right now.

[00:06:39]>> I'm serious. No.

[00:06:40]>> Are you in a relationship?

[00:06:41]>> No. No. I'm in there actively trying not to get a boner in a hot tub.

[00:06:46]>> Okay. I'm just I'm just trying to be >> You know what? This is the first like nice thing I've had.

[00:06:52]Trying not to get kicked out for learing.

[00:06:56]>> We'd like to let you have this nice thing, but we can't because you're too horny.

[00:06:59]>> I'm just a pervert. That's all. I'm just I just try to put my pervert on other people and that's not fair.

[00:07:03]>> No, no, you're nice. You're you're a a charming man and you can kind of >> Nate, he's bullshitting you.

[00:07:08]>> Stick to your guns.

[00:07:09]>> I know.

[00:07:15]>> Have you ever met a cigar guy who couldn't get through a sentence without saying tits?

[00:07:19]>> That's a great point. Something just Yeah. It's like your your words aren't matching your look and your action. So, it's throwing me off. The cigar and but being like, "Yeah, but I just don't be looking at bitches." like those two things.

[00:07:30]>> No, I'll look at them on the street where there's no consequences.

[00:07:33]>> I'll go I'll go to Barton Springs and look at the the naked boobs that are all over the place.

[00:07:38]>> That is that is nice. I haven't done that yet.

[00:07:40]>> Not at the Steam Club. No.

[00:07:42]>> Okay. I always thought that I guess I guess in my head I always thought that was like the reason it was either like the the ones you see where it's like all dudes or the other ones you see where it's like fat dudes and just like [ __ ] around and that seems like the reason in my mind, but I don't know.

[00:07:56]>> Yeah. No, that that definitely is the vibe, but it's never to be spoken of.

[00:07:59]>> Okay.

[00:07:59]>> Yeah, you got to keep that. Yeah, you got to keep that hush hush.

[00:08:02]>> Okay.

[00:08:03]>> So, sneaky freaks.

[00:08:05]>> Yeah, sneaky freaks.

[00:08:06]>> Yeah, dude. It's uh It is I just got a hat. I got a funny sauna hat.

[00:08:11]>> Yeah, I forget what they called.

[00:08:13]>> I I don't even I think it's just called a funny sauna hat. When I bought it on Amazon, I just looked up funny sauna hat and I >> There's a Russian word for them. I cannot [ __ ] remember it.

[00:08:22]>> A Russian word for a sauna? No, the hat that they like this weird wool thing that covers your >> ears and heads.

[00:08:29]>> The Kabib hat.

[00:08:32]>> No, Ba is the name of the place.

[00:08:35]>> Ba bonnet. Okay.

[00:08:37]>> I don't know if that's right either.

[00:08:38]>> I feel like I've seen you rocking that before.

[00:08:40]>> Just around town wearing it. Maybe.

[00:08:41]Maybe I'm No, that's not true.

[00:08:43]>> I think I if Unless I made some horrible mistake getting ready in the morning and I was walking around.

[00:08:49]>> I GOT TO GET TO CLASS. I DID JUST PUT I THINK I DID just put a whole thing on your head in my in my mind like I just I feel like I imagined it like winter time at Creek and but I but I'm probably making >> I've seen you in a really bad hat and like a weird shirt.

[00:09:02]>> I've seen you have some stupid outfit that doesn't look really fat.

[00:09:06]>> Yeah. No, I wasn't trying to do that that time. I wasn't trying to do that that time. I for real thought I had a memory and now I'm thinking of it like I don't. That's my bad. That's my bad.

[00:09:14]>> Yeah. You're always well put together, Nate. That's one I don't think I've ever seen you in a state of disrepair. I try not to be. I I try I try to keep it all together. You look like you were created at Build a Brother.

[00:09:27]>> No, I want the hat, too, Mom. We're not getting the hat. It's $40. I want sneakers, too. I want the Sixers hat and the beard. I want him. I want to know he's from Philly.

[00:09:38]>> Nah, I do look put together. It's hard.

[00:09:40]>> That is nice.

[00:09:42]>> I'm just trying to look good, feel good until I feel bad today if the Sixers lose. So, were you did you debrief because you don't want to you don't want to talk it into existence?

[00:09:51]>> No, but but I I I know the feeling and I know that. All right. So, there's a Are you a Flyers guy, too?

[00:09:56]>> I'm trying to get into them right now because of like they're in the playoffs, so Connor and Shane being like, get into the >> Yeah.

[00:10:02]>> get into hockey right now. So, I'm trying, but it's it's a little tough with this Sixer series. I actually Whatever happens after this, I'll be able to lock in. If they win, >> whatever. Yeah. It would feel like a championship if we beat Boston for once in my [ __ ] life in a uh playoff series.

[00:10:18]>> Eventually, something's got to go right.

[00:10:19]>> Something's just once. Maybe not today, but if it is, >> are are you a guy who punches [ __ ] if the Sixers lose?

[00:10:26]>> No, I just I stand up for most of the game and then I sit on my couch and I go >> black couch.

[00:10:32]>> Uh navy.

[00:10:34]>> Okay.

[00:10:34]>> Blue.

[00:10:35]>> And uh L-shaped.

[00:10:37]>> Mhm.

[00:10:38]>> My girl's got a L-shaped couch. Pretty hype on that. sit down. And then uh and then I sit and I'm quiet. My lady tries to talk to me and I look at her and I >> shut your way.

[00:10:47]>> Just go, "Nah, not now, babe."

[00:10:49]>> Whoa. Really?

[00:10:50]>> Yeah. It really bums me out. It like my my day, my whole rest of my night is hanging in the balance between 6:00 and 8:00. I'll either be the happiest I've ever been or I might just lay on my like flat on my back in my bedroom until I just fall asleep at 3:00 a.m. just >> I I commend you if like I'm a Vikings fan. If they start losing I just turn off the TV.

[00:11:12]>> I'll give up on it pretty quick.

[00:11:14]>> Even like playoff like playoffs.

[00:11:16]>> Yeah. I'm like I'll just look it up tomorrow. I can't watch this cuz I start running around my apartment pulling my hair out freaking out.

[00:11:22]>> Yeah. I start yelling. I feel bad. I live on the third floor. I'm I'm a good third floor like upstairs neighbor I think. But during the Sixers games, like I I start yelling. That's the one time I'm like I might be being a bad neighbor. I can't help it though. Like I try but >> like stomping your feet and like >> you do like the angry clap like come on.

[00:11:39]>> ALL I DEFINITELY HIT IT. WHAT the [ __ ] >> Downstairs guys are like I guess the drill team's upstairs again.

[00:11:49]>> Yeah. That or my dog. My dog might piss him off but I I try to keep him chilled too but but um I don't know. Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. It's on my brain.

[00:11:58]It's heavy on my brain today.

[00:12:00]>> I think I think you're going to feel good by the end of the night.

[00:12:02]>> I hope so, man. And if I don't, I know a bunch of piece of [ __ ] Boston fans will.

[00:12:06]They've been DMing me all series until the last two games. They haven't They have it after the last two, so everybody's been shutting the [ __ ] up.

[00:12:12]But >> I got to get back to one guy. When I posted about the Flyers winning in six, there were people who were good-naturedly ribbing me, but then there were some guys who were absolute [ __ ] and I haven't got a chance to get back to them yet. And one guy, >> I don't even know. He just happened to be see my post and he commented something very rude and nasty.

[00:12:28]>> Talk your [ __ ] dude. Let him know what's up. He's gonna see this.

[00:12:31]>> Yeah. Oh, I gotta let me let me see if I can pull up his uh Instagram real quick ass.

[00:12:36]>> But um fun note, he seems like the saddest guy on the [ __ ] planet.

[00:12:40]>> Have you ever known somebody to post a selfie and nobody likes it?

[00:12:43]>> Yeah.

[00:12:43]>> I mean, posting a selfie in general is already >> Oh, yeah.

[00:12:46]>> Yeah. That's a sweet little That's like putting candy in your pocket. I'll hold on to that and I'll think about it when I'm angry. At least I'm not that [ __ ] loser.

[00:12:57]>> The funny thing to do is go find it, like it, and then take your like back.

[00:13:01]>> Take your like back.

[00:13:02]>> He's like someone >> Oh, they changed their dropped a hammer on.

[00:13:09]>> All right. So, this is >> Wow.

[00:13:14]>> Good name to be honest. Good name.

[00:13:16]>> Yeah. He said 1975, you little [ __ ] >> What's that mean? Uh, this is the last time the Flyers won the Stanley Cup.

[00:13:23]>> Oh, no. His uh pin pose is him smoking a cigar. Matt, I'm so sorry.

[00:13:26]>> No. All right. No, that's not true. That can't >> dude's kind of a beast.

[00:13:34]>> Yo, he's got a cigarette like in the mirror. That was >> I really hate it when I'm like, "Yeah, no big deal."

[00:13:43]>> The blue max.

[00:13:44]>> Time to look cool on the Dad Meat podcast. Maybe get a little [ __ ] Caption's like nothing like a cigar after the sauna.

[00:13:52]>> He's in a steam room.

[00:13:55]>> This piece of [ __ ] >> No.

[00:13:57]>> Yeah. This is the guy you made conversation with.

[00:13:59]>> Yeah. That's the end of There's no convers I want allow conversation >> in a sauna.

[00:14:05]>> Matching his beater with his headphones was my favorite thing he did.

[00:14:08]>> Yeah. So, when I got time, I'm I'm going to have time because uh I got to go to the airport Monday, so I like to get there early. So, I'll probably have an hour to myself. I think at that point this is when I'm gonna send him something.

[00:14:17]>> I gotta find him and like all of his post. Just want it to be me.

[00:14:22]Me just just enjoying this guy. Paul's pause. [ __ ] [ __ ] >> Forever alone. It's my destiny. Always has been.

[00:14:31]>> Wow. Really, man?

[00:14:33]>> Oh, Jesus Christ.

[00:14:38]>> I kind of want to be that guy's friend.

[00:14:40]>> No, you don't.

[00:14:42]If anybody listening to this, please go follow him and like everything he he [ __ ] posts.

[00:14:47]>> That's good.

[00:14:48]>> Oh, that's that's terrible. A spite spite clout.

[00:14:51]>> Yeah, >> a spite spam.

[00:14:55]>> Everyone's like all >> stop liking my [ __ ] Leave me alone. I was meant to be alone.

[00:15:01]>> Read the bio.

[00:15:02]>> Forever alone. Just like it was destined to be girl. She said a buddy. It's okay. I'll [ __ ] you.

[00:15:13]>> I had a I had a guy say something nasty to me on Twitter this week and I you know, you click on their profile and you just look for the funniest thing to like retweet and call him gay and there was just a lot of like I just want to suck on titties. Is that too much to ask?

[00:15:27]Bro, >> whoa.

[00:15:28]>> Go ahead, twin.

[00:15:33]>> Just when I thought I could hate a guy.

[00:15:36]>> My new best friend. Not so different.

[00:15:37]You and I. Yeah.

[00:15:41]That's excellent.

[00:15:42]>> I wish I could do that. Just put out my innermost thoughts for real for real on Twitter. I just wish I could suck on titties that weren't my girlfriend's titties.

[00:15:51]>> No repercussions.

[00:15:52]>> That's really the whole reason we do standup is just to say that and find a make it seem digestible. You're just trying to express that to an audience and have them not hate you has kind of been my experience with comedy.

[00:16:02]>> What's What's the thing that you hold back the most from posting?

[00:16:05]>> Like horniness? Is it sincerity?

[00:16:07]>> Uh yeah, sincerity. Like uh every now and then I'll find a I used to just post songs I liked all the time and after a while I was like ah this is no good.

[00:16:15]>> I can't just be dropping a a neutral milk hotel song of the story and be like hey check this out >> one bar >> from Jeff Mangum with the three music notes on each side of it. One haunting line from >> in the aeroplane over the sea.

[00:16:31]>> That's exactly what it's over the sea.

[00:16:34]You nailed it right on the head. little king of carrot flowers, man. Or or or if I'm going through a breakup dude posting a a song that's speaking to me at the time on the story, it calls to me. I never do it, but you know, I saw there was a dude in Chicago who got broken up with.

[00:16:53]>> It was a very like public scene breakup and he just uh he's like very like tough black guy and one day on his story he just posted the lyrics to Browneyed Girl.

[00:17:06]Everybody was like, "Oh, pal, >> it's going to be okay."

[00:17:12]>> I followed a guy recently on Instagram and his whole thing is smoking crack and coding and then uh posting links to stuff he just jacked off to.

[00:17:20]>> That's pretty >> not even links, pictures of his laptop with the >> That's good.

[00:17:25]>> Quick little blurb. He's doing like letter box for porn basically.

[00:17:30]I'd love to see his top four >> eater box. Number four is kind of a cheat cuz it's a compilation, but I think there's a lot of good stuff in here.

[00:17:39]>> How do you find that guy that just came up in your algo?

[00:17:41]>> I think did someone send him to us? The guy was smoking crack and writing code.

[00:17:47]>> That was a Dylan find Dylan poll.

[00:17:50]>> Dylan's got the most [ __ ] up algorithm on the planet, by the way. It's not necessarily like the content that he sees. It is all reprehensible, but it's all stuff with zero likes. Like it's you're like the first one >> stuff that's not being pushed into your feed and it's like >> that's nice.

[00:18:05]>> Get a hold of his hard drives at some point.

[00:18:08]>> I'm building the case against Dylan.

[00:18:09]>> That's real special.

[00:18:10]>> It's over for you, dude.

[00:18:11]>> One time I saw probably one of the best YouTube videos I've ever found is uh it's some guy. He's got something wrong with him. I think if I had to guess, like head injury.

[00:18:21]>> Nice.

[00:18:21]>> But it's him. He's watching a video of uh four midgets relay racing a camel and it's just his his live reaction to it and he's just like, "All right, going to react to this." And then the reaction is JUST he's just like EMPHATICALLY LIKE, "OH MY GOSH." HE DOESN'T REALLY HAVE ANYTHING to add. He's just like shocked and pleased, surprised and delighted at the animal race.

[00:18:51]Yeah, that's like the secret sauce to online content. It's just quick and dumb as [ __ ] and it's the best [ __ ] of all time.

[00:18:58]>> Mhm.

[00:18:59]>> It's just you ever uh >> Subway Surfers uh Brazilian uh motorcycle robbery and then your face in the corner just not even saying anything, just >> making a little faces at it the whole >> pointing.

[00:19:15]>> Yep, man.

[00:19:17]>> We can make a lot of money. Yeah, you guys been seeing the uh the Scientology Rusty runs.

[00:19:24]>> I like that.

[00:19:25]>> Get killed.

[00:19:26]>> Probably. Yeah.

[00:19:27]>> Teenagers are now knockout gaming Scientology centers and they're busting through the doors and running as far into the building as they can and recording it.

[00:19:35]>> Pretty [ __ ] funny.

[00:19:36]>> Yeah, that's good stuff. I got to find >> And all the security guys are like Scientology slaves. It's not like beefy guys that are on. It's all like basically sub Mormon dorks that are just begging the teenagers to leave.

[00:19:49]>> Yeah, >> they got to upgrade now that this [ __ ] is happening so often. They got to upgrade to to more agile guys.

[00:19:54]>> Well, then it's going to be an arms race. Then it's going to be like bringing older brothers, you know what I mean? Until eventually it's like it's going to be a lethal encounter every single time.

[00:20:03]>> Yeah. I don't know.

[00:20:03]>> They're locking the doors and taking the handles off of them and [ __ ] >> to keep people from getting inside.

[00:20:10]>> Yeah. There's videos of the kids like trying to get their fingertips between two outside doors to get in.

[00:20:16]>> They're pinching the [ __ ] molding on it.

[00:20:21]>> Scientology is really hanging in there.

[00:20:24]>> I think it's a good run.

[00:20:25]>> I think you don't think it's I think it's it's not it's not dying down, is it?

[00:20:28]>> It's not. But they're being embarrassed pretty badly for the first time. I think there was initially it was like the Lemany uh >> explosion and then they had a little bit of uh defending to do but at that point they knew that if they just waited her out that would go away.

[00:20:42]>> Yes.

[00:20:43]>> What happened with her again? I'm not familiar with >> She's she was a Scientologist who she uh no pun intended came clear about what's going on in there.

[00:20:51]>> Yeah. Oh, and I'm assuming sex stuff.

[00:20:54]>> Uh just uh a lot of [ __ ] [ __ ] up brainwashing. And she should have had a manager tell that whole story. By the way, it's just really tough to watch a lady.

[00:21:02]>> They should have got Kevin.

[00:21:03]>> Yeah. Kevin, >> these guys are not good people.

[00:21:12]>> Get Arthur involved.

[00:21:14]>> What are you DOING TO MY SWEET DAUGHTER?

[00:21:19]>> These people are telling me to be a [ __ ] >> Yeah. Got into ology was uh they were uh apparently harassing them the entire Ben Avery worked on the documentary >> and apparently they would like the second they walked into like a place to film a fax would come in from Scientology like warning them and [ __ ] >> and he said something really funny though cuz I was like were you guys like did anything come were you guys scared he goes to be honest I wasn't really paying attention we were all really distracted by her boobs boobs might have been the only thing that got people through that Dude, >> that's great.

[00:22:01]>> Yeah, good for her. Leah, she rocks, dude.

[00:22:03]>> Yeah, beautiful lady, man.

[00:22:05]>> Yeah, just alltime >> on a sitcom where she's just that guy.

[00:22:10]>> The best having giant boobs and liking [ __ ] guys.

[00:22:13]>> Yeah. Dionetics with two D's.

[00:22:19]>> Oh, this lady. It's a hot old lady.

[00:22:22]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:22:23]>> Yeah. Just real uh >> Jersey looking. Oh, the lady from the show.

[00:22:26]>> Yeah.

[00:22:27]>> Okay.

[00:22:28]>> Also, people used to get like mad at that. Like it was like a >> She's the queen of Queens.

[00:22:33]>> Yeah. I used to like that lady.

[00:22:34]>> Yeah. That was like a a common like open mic premise for a while. It's like, "Have you seen every sitcom? It's an ugly guy and a hot chick." And I'm like, "Yeah, it's what America wants to see just across the board. It it does something to you psychologically where you're like, >> figured it out in the 70s."

[00:22:49]>> I go, "Yeah, something about this show I'm enjoying."

[00:22:53]Ladies love the reverse, too, though.

[00:22:55]Mid, not ugly lady. Mid lady with hot guy. They love mid lady with hot guy.

[00:22:59]They hate ugly lady with hot guy, but they women love mid lady.

[00:23:02]>> I've I've never in my life seen ugly lady hot guy.

[00:23:05]>> Yes, you have.

[00:23:06]>> Yellow jackets.

[00:23:07]>> Girls.

[00:23:08]>> Girl. Oh, yeah. I'm not calling Adam Driver hot, but I'm saying like he's like I guess he he's got like a >> be mind control over women that makes him hot. But yeah, that was recognized as hot by women. the big lady from Yellow Jacket. I forget her name, but she's in like Last of Us a show, too.

[00:23:25]>> Oh, okay.

[00:23:26]>> She was in it. But then after that, it's like mid and it goes mid. Twilight.

[00:23:30]>> Uh >> I was more talking about Real Life, but I guess in show >> real life you see it more.

[00:23:35]>> No, dudes with money.

[00:23:37]>> See hot guy, ugly lady. I don't think you see >> ugly. Hot guy, ugly lady in real life is no >> non-existent. Ugly lady, you're kind of doomed.

[00:23:45]>> Yeah, it's kind of tough.

[00:23:46]>> Yeah, you're kind of just doomed to like fantasies and thick books that are about like hot firefighters.

[00:23:51]Yeah.

[00:23:53]>> Yeah. Ladies will get into that. I'm on I'm on Hinge right now and a lot of the stuff is just like hobbies, interest stuff. They're like I really like just like fantasy books.

[00:24:02]>> They love gay hockey right now.

[00:24:03]>> They're into gay hockey. They enjoy.

[00:24:06]That's what they're into. That that's their king of queens. That's what they're that's what they're able to identify with.

[00:24:12]>> The young ladies love all that yoy.

[00:24:15]>> Who's that?

[00:24:15]>> Yoi. Wait, is Yoy is that animals like people or it's like a manga >> or I think it's like gay guys.

[00:24:24]>> It's like twink boys being gay with each other and it's made for young women.

[00:24:28]>> When I was working at >> Futa Futa might be >> a food >> girls with giant penises. Yo might be little twink boys making out for the girls.

[00:24:38]>> Yeah. I used to work with a gay lady at uh at GameStop. She used to love the food this stuff. She would she she would just show me like weird like Devil May Cry. I don't know. It was like Dante titty [ __ ] his brother and on the wall. I was like, "Yo, what how is this doing it for you?" Nice to share that with you behind the GameStop counter. No one's coming in selling their Wii. They just go, "Hey."

[00:25:01]>> She's doodling something like, "What's that?" She goes, "Nothing. I'm not a very good artist." You go, "Let me see it." She goes, "Are you sure you won't laugh?" And she turns it around.

[00:25:11]Master Chief getting [ __ ] by the guy from Gears of War. And you go, it's actually really good. She goes, no, you're just being nice.

[00:25:20]>> I have something to show you. It's the same picture.

[00:25:24]>> She also she also used to genuinely talk about wanting to [ __ ] her brother and I would be like stepbrother and or whatever, like ask them kind of questions. She was like, "No, my brother." She would like say it with no like second thought or it's weird or >> How would she bring it up?

[00:25:38]>> Uh we were both like the only two working. I don't remember how it would come cuz like GameStop especially like when I was there was like nothing going on. So it would just be like you and whatever other person was on the clock at the time and uh it would be me and her a lot cuz of scheduling or whatever.

[00:25:51]But uh I don't know. She just would bring it up. It would just be talking.

[00:25:55]She'd talk about ladies and she'd bring up one to [ __ ] her brother.

[00:25:59]>> Jokingly or just can you tell if she was sincere?

[00:26:01]>> I know she was sincere.

[00:26:04]>> Wow.

[00:26:04]>> What the [ __ ] >> I know she was 100% sincere. She >> huh? I never saw her brother. That's why I couldn't work out. Hawkeye, ugly chick.

[00:26:12]>> It's the classic.

[00:26:16]>> Yeah. I don't think uh I think you should be alarmed about girls that worked at GameStop.

[00:26:23]>> There's very There's I can think of like one lady that was pretty normal, Spanish lady from like Puerto Rico, and she for real did not give a [ __ ] about video games. She just like, "What games did you play?" She be like, "Mortal Kombat."

[00:26:36]And she ain't played Mortal Kombat. She just hit buttons on Mortal Kombat.

[00:26:40]>> I respect that answer more than Animal Crossing. That's the normal girl answer.

[00:26:44]>> Yeah.

[00:26:45]>> Animal Crossing Mama. Like Cooking Mama.

[00:26:48]>> Cooking Mama and >> Just Dance.

[00:26:52]>> Kind I don't mind when a girl's into cozy.

[00:26:55]>> A little cozy gaming.

[00:26:56]>> Oh, dude. I'm I'm I My wife's a cozy gamer. I'm just saying she she doesn't go around saying like, "Yeah, I'm a gamer."

[00:27:02]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She wouldn't apply for a job at a GameStop. No.

[00:27:05]>> Cuz she has joy in her life.

[00:27:06]>> Oh, never. Jesus. Actually, I should force her to do that.

[00:27:09]>> Get the discounts.

[00:27:10]>> Yeah, I might hide our finances until our things aren't going well. Until our GameStop firing, put a GoPro on her like a cat.

[00:27:16]>> Yeah.

[00:27:18]>> Meanwhile, you just want to see her in the uniform.

[00:27:22]>> I think you're just dropping some legs like looks like GameStop is hiring.

[00:27:25]There's actually a lot of benefits. You ever thought about getting your masters?

[00:27:30]You can do it with GameStop.

[00:27:34]That had to have felt good though, seeing like some [ __ ] juices flowing out of GameStop.

[00:27:38]>> Yeah, >> cuz normally it's just weird boners and just crusty preump.

[00:27:42]>> And they were they were all al hoes, but none of them were like >> gorgeous alt hoes, which was the sad part. They were all mid al hoes except for one.

[00:27:50]>> That's nice.

[00:27:51]>> One was actually a pretty hot alt hoe, but she she she never she never >> she never put anything my way. And I and I'm not a work creep, so I wasn't going to [ __ ] hound her for it.

[00:28:01]>> She was like me at the sauna.

[00:28:03]But I but I but I still hit my my little corner glances. I was still going to hit a walking around in tights all [ __ ] I'm going to >> That should be a chill game.

[00:28:11]>> A chill game. Just hitting clearing the video game.

[00:28:14]>> Full glances.

[00:28:14]>> Yeah. Where you got you glance for as long as you care without getting discovered.

[00:28:18]>> Pokemon Snap with Jes.

[00:28:20]>> Exactly. Yeah.

[00:28:22]>> Yeah. I was way too old when I realized that ladies see when you glanced at their tits when like you go from like here to here. I used to think I could was pulling that off like >> the most covert possible. And then a woman was like, "No." Like she we did the like eye thing and she looked at my chest and back up and I was like, "That's the most obvious." Like I for real thought it was like my eyes move.

[00:28:41]So >> get hit with like a >> Yeah.

[00:28:48]>> If I If I get that now, I go my bad on that. I just like to draw attention to my bad on that.

[00:28:53]>> Oh, hey, that's nice.

[00:28:54]>> I just It's more than anything. It's funny to me to do >> it. It's a good move.

[00:28:57]>> It's just comedy ladies when it happens.

[00:28:59]So, I feel like they get my bad on that.

[00:29:01]My bad.

[00:29:01]>> I I genuinely apologize for saying you >> I was trying to look you in the eyes, but >> I'll cover my eyes sometimes while I'm saying hello right now.

[00:29:14]>> Yeah.

[00:29:14]>> Also a big side hugger. I don't want to go chest to chest with titties myself. I I I try to avoid hugging now, but every now and again, like I'll I'll find myself if it's like a uh if it feels like a a nicer event. Yeah.

[00:29:25]>> Where it's just like, "Oh, I'll go hug his buddy." It's like, "Uh, I'm not I stop doing this."

[00:29:29]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:29:30]>> I try to avoid hugging, but sometimes the Hooters waitresses the >> You just got that outfit on.

[00:29:40]>> I'm sorry. I don't usually ask for upies.

[00:29:43]>> Just walking into Sorry, I gave up hugging for Lent. I'll be looking at the menu and the TV. Thank you.

[00:29:51]>> Yes, the usual, please.

[00:29:53]>> Did you just Auga? No, I'm coming down with something.

[00:30:02]>> So, did you just bash yourself in the head with your >> hand back up the I think I >> dogg's getting excited.

[00:30:15]>> That's actually me. [ __ ] boobs.

[00:30:19]>> No, I bring my upright base everywhere.

[00:30:27]>> Oh, man. I came very close to retweeting a uh a new porn video that came out with two two of my favorite adult lady stars and uh they put it was an unexpected collaboration >> and uh they put it out yesterday and I was like so take >> You say who, Nate?

[00:30:42]>> Don't ask him who cuz it's not going to be a name you recognize. It's going to be like >> he would. He's a true be like backyard Sarah and Clubfoot finally collab.

[00:30:52]>> It takes a while for Sarah to catch her cuz Cluboot's walking in a circle.

[00:30:56]>> Can you say their names? I want to see if I if I know of.

[00:30:58]>> Ashley Alexander.

[00:30:59]>> Ashley Alexander.

[00:31:00]>> She's new to the game.

[00:31:01]>> Okay. Yeah, I'm not going to.

[00:31:02]>> And Indica Flower.

[00:31:03]>> Okay. I know. I for sure know. Indica Flower is awesome. True beauty.

[00:31:07]>> And she's the same during the I'm a [ __ ] I'm a pervert. That's what I was saying earlier. I wasn't I wasn't I just was being a [ __ ] hornball.

[00:31:14]>> Hey, you're okay. It's fine. Watch chairs. Would it make you feel better?

[00:31:17]>> No. Mike watches it standing up in front of his couch. Come on.

[00:31:26]>> Actually, the worst part I feel like I do know Ashley Alexander. Like if I Google her name, I'll be like, "Oh, >> sorry." You'd recognize because she's really making a name for herself. But it was an unexpected collab and they just put out a video yesterday and uh I was so I liked it and then I'm I'm of a a liberal retweeter >> and I went to retweet it and I was like I can't turn this corner.

[00:31:48]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[00:31:49]>> I I can talk about it but if I retweet it >> if you go good to retring exercise trying to come up with a a quip that you know justifies the the hot lady porn retweet.

[00:32:01]>> Yeah. Yeah, I'm going to have to come up with one, man. Because I really I really want this scene to do well for them.

[00:32:06]>> Yeah, >> cuz you have to buy it. You can't just go somewhere and watch it.

[00:32:09]>> Oh, yeah. I got you.

[00:32:11]>> That's what's that's what's killing the game right now.

[00:32:14]>> I mean, but but I don't know. I don't know. Not a Okay. I don't know. Ashley Alexander, you got me beat you, [ __ ] I thought I I thought I was going to know.

[00:32:26]>> No, >> Nate doesn't know ball.

[00:32:27]>> I don't know ball. Damn. Damn. Damn.

[00:32:31]You know who's who's another good gooner?

[00:32:33]>> Pat George.

[00:32:34]>> I believe it.

[00:32:35]>> Pat George got good Gooner. Got good have some good goon talks.

[00:32:41]He start bringing up bringing up some pogs with him. It's he can fire them off.

[00:32:45]>> Pat looks like he waits in line to talk to these chicks with a smile on his face.

[00:32:51]>> Screaming out their birthdays.

[00:32:54]>> Can you sign my flashlight?

[00:32:56]>> Is that different from what you do at Exotica?

[00:32:58]>> It's pretty much the same thing, man.

[00:33:02]situation.

[00:33:02]>> It's so hard. It's so hard to play it cool because like we're all socially [ __ ] if we're in line to meet these ladies. However, you try to present yourself as well as possible and it's uh every guy in there, it just looks like uh you're just waiting to run out on the field through like that paper banner that they get keep at like homecoming.

[00:33:20]So, we're all [ __ ] charged up and we don't know what to do with ourselves.

[00:33:23]>> This would be my move. Tuxedo >> slamming their shields with their spears.

[00:33:36]and [ __ ] in your beds years from now.

[00:33:44]>> It's a good time to be a gooner.

[00:33:47]>> It is and it's not.

[00:33:48]>> I get I get I get got with the late night her only fans is on sale for three bucks.

[00:33:54]>> Yeah.

[00:33:55]>> Constantly.

[00:33:56]>> Yeah. I won't spend like more I won't spend double digits on anything only fair but the second I see single digits I'm like >> but you get all those benefits for the auto renew the auto renew that's how they get you >> I know and it's like and that's how they trick you.

[00:34:08]>> Yeah. Exactly. Then next month it's $25 and you go what the >> I'm I'm definitely a immediate unsubscribe guy. Yeah. I cuz I've tried where they're like every week you get a new video and it's like one they don't send them and two >> you forget and then you get hit for $25 and you're like I'm ruined this month because of this lady I'm >> bored of jacking off to already.

[00:34:29]>> Dude, it's always brutal when you hit the subscribe and it's like been taking the month off for family stuff and you're like oh my god.

[00:34:36]>> Well, that's one of the things that initially drew me to Only Fans.

[00:34:39]>> I'm having bunion surgery. Sorry.

[00:34:44]What are they even subscribed for? No more bunion. One day you going to get your tits jacked off. I was here for the bunion.

[00:34:50]>> But that's one of the things that initially got me because one of the ladies that I initially went for, she took a break and then when she came back, she's like, I'm sorry, my boyfriend was in a car accident and it was like I like that kind of insight.

[00:35:01]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:02]>> You're also like Yes.

[00:35:03]>> You know what's going on with them?

[00:35:05]>> I do. Yeah.

[00:35:05]>> That is kind of nice. Yeah. I think I'm two years clean. No payment for porn.

[00:35:11]>> Yeah. Said I said no more. I drew the line when I moved down to Texas.

[00:35:15]>> I've been pretty good the 2026, but by pretty good, I mean, you know, still a handful of still a handful of times. Not as bad.

[00:35:24]>> They get they get you in batches cuz like there it's easy to be like, "All right, I'm going sober now for the month." And then there's just like one you see like a special for like Yeah.

[00:35:32]like three bucks >> and it's like a >> late night in a hotel.

[00:35:36]>> It's a road to stay. Of course, it's on sale for $3.

[00:35:39]>> How do you stay so strong with the non-goon, Tim? You're You're not a gooner. And like you're an old man.

[00:35:45]>> I feel like I've gotten worse as I've gotten older.

[00:35:46]>> Yeah. I'm seven years older than you, Tim.

[00:35:48]>> I don't know what to tell you, man. I I'm too tired usually.

[00:35:54]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:35:54]>> Wife probably helps.

[00:35:56]>> I mean, that's your long-term relationship is the reason.

[00:36:03]>> Just like having a chick for sure makes it easier.

[00:36:05]>> No, >> I don't know your guys' excuses.

[00:36:07]>> I Well, how long is your longest relationship?

[00:36:09]>> Two years. Yeah, we're all double digits and even so it's like with that said it's like bro 12 hours ago I was [ __ ] my wife's face >> but this morning I went on and I thanks but this morning I go on and there's just like oh that's a deal that's four bucks that whereas before it was like nine bucks so like >> taken care of library >> I do both and that's devastating >> your cream library a great humble bundle never going to get around to this >> oh boy and I'm subscribed now. [ __ ] Where's the money not doing?

[00:36:46]>> Yeah. I for a while I was trying to do a bit. I can never get it to work, but I was like, it was right when I had like first subscribed to a couple Only Fans accounts.

[00:36:53]>> And the worst thing you can do if you have a porn addiction is then have like an incentive to try to get your money's worth >> where you're like, I mean, I paid 10 bucks for this thing. God, >> I better order some research chemicals instead of >> I'm like I'm going to jerk after this.

[00:37:06]They're going to feel like they're the ones getting robbed with the event that I'm going to be coming.

[00:37:10]>> Yeah. It's like you're at the all you can eat buffet.

[00:37:12]>> Exactly. Yeah. That's exactly what it is. Then you leave and you're like your stomach hurts. You're like, I didn't think I even wanted one of these.

[00:37:21]>> I really like the all you can eat muffet.

[00:37:24]>> Muffet. Oh, you said muffet.

[00:37:26]>> Sorry, I got an ear infection. I didn't even clock that.

[00:37:28]>> No, he'll put it back in.

[00:37:30]>> I appreciate that.

[00:37:30]>> I'll put it in twice for you. Yeah, if we can cut in zoom real close for the lip readers out there. Muffy, >> I'm excited about games coming up.

[00:37:39]Getting Forza, getting uh I think I'm going to get Forza or >> Oh, yeah. You're a driving simulator guy.

[00:37:44]>> No, but I have a new PC and I want and I feel like it's going to make look really nice on it. And I I honestly I'm not I Horizon is the only one I've ever liked.

[00:37:54]I don't I can't even begin to [ __ ] >> You told me you got a new PC. 5080.

[00:37:57]>> 5080.

[00:37:57]>> Let's go.

[00:37:58]>> Yeah.

[00:37:59]>> Are you a millionaire?

[00:38:01]That's crazy.

[00:38:02]>> I have been I actually for real for I got like a solid deal on it all.

[00:38:05]>> These are like car down payments now.

[00:38:07]>> That one I mean it wasn't cheap but I I've been saving for it. I had been like >> it was something I had really wanted.

[00:38:14]Yeah.

[00:38:14]>> And uh and then I had like a show pop up that I was like I was already saving.

[00:38:21]Then a show came out of nowhere that one good check.

[00:38:23]>> Yeah. One good check. And I was like >> Yeah. One good check away from a major purchase every every week.

[00:38:30]and and uh and my girl got a big bonus at work around the same time. So, it was like, "Oh, we got some we got a little cushion going."

[00:38:38]>> So, dip into her bonus a little bit. Get yourself a PC.

[00:38:40]>> Her bonus. That's my bonus. A little big pimp in that. I'm not for real. Not at all. It's fun to say. That's not my reality, but uh she's a very nice >> You get a nice monitor.

[00:38:53]>> Uh I didn't go crazy on it. I It It doesn't even It's not 4K or nothing.

[00:38:57]It's uh >> No, [ __ ] 4K. You got like 144 hertz?

[00:38:59]>> Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go. 144 hertz, 1440p.

[00:39:03]>> Uh, that's all you need.

[00:39:04]>> Yeah, that's what I was thinking. It's not too big. I didn't get like I got >> 27 minimum.

[00:39:08]>> That's exactly what it is.

[00:39:09]>> Yeah. Let's go, dude. You're locked in.

[00:39:11]>> Yeah. Now, this sounds like some serious hardware. Are you spiking your electric bill?

[00:39:15]>> Uh, for real. For real. I The thing that makes me the most sad is I don't use it nearly as much as I like. For real, my lady uses it more than me. just playing Sims at max frame rates, high settings, and it's just like this is what we got this. I thought I was going to be gaming.

[00:39:31]>> Trying to get her to notice like, yeah, they add rate tracing in DLC or anything. You know what I mean? Check out that uh frame rate. You know, >> she's G-Sync really working overtime.

[00:39:40]>> She has noticed. She is like this is the best way that we've ever played it cuz before that we had a a I had a laptop, a Razer laptop that had a 20.

[00:39:47]>> Is she playing the Sims? You said >> it's the Sims. That's like she's been playing the Sims. It feels like since I've met her.

[00:39:53]>> Let's go.

[00:39:53]>> Like just she's probably like if I would check her hours, it's got to be like 10,000 hours on Sims.

[00:39:59]>> It's been our whole relationship that's been she's played other [ __ ] like like Animal Crossing. She plays like Monster Hunter. We play we played a lot of Monster Hunter. We played a lot of Borderlands 4. We beat Borderlands 4 together. So she will I've converted her to some real gaming.

[00:40:11]>> I'm dragging my [ __ ] into a co-op gaming experience >> and just like >> where I have to motivate her to keep going.

[00:40:18]>> I told you I'm not good. Dude, we almost got her to play uh Fortnite with me and the the my sons last night and she got so stressed out that she couldn't bring herself to launch the game.

[00:40:27]>> She was she was watching us like die and she was like, "I can't do this."

[00:40:32]>> Just bringing her Gatorade up.

[00:40:34]>> Just jump in the voice chat with us.

[00:40:36][ __ ] on.

[00:40:37]>> Yeah, just hide around. Just be there.

[00:40:39]I'll cover you.

[00:40:40]>> The Borderlands, >> hold stuff for me.

[00:40:44]Be inventory.

[00:40:46]The Borderlands has a thing that I think is fire for like it's literally like girlfriend mode. You can you can have I can have my difficulty set to like hard and hers to easy at the same time on couch co-op. So it's like I don't know kind of perfect. She it's like a she has to try to die basically and I'm still having fun.

[00:41:03]>> You got to let her you got to leave her out on the line a little bit so you can save her too.

[00:41:06]>> Yeah, of course I've done that.

[00:41:08]>> Yeah, I had your back there. It's no big deal.

[00:41:11]>> But >> what do you think? Maybe a little bit of sucking my dick.

[00:41:15]I would have done this in real life, too. I saved you from the guy shooting missiles at you.

[00:41:20]>> Well, guys, there's no power up like a dick suck. But I want you guys to keep all your devices powered on the go with Ridge Power Bank. Tim, I don't know if you noticed, but I've had this bad boy glued to my phone the entire episode.

[00:41:29]This [ __ ] lasts for days on end without [ __ ] charging it. It's It's been my go-to power bank. Yeah. Take it out of my lap.

[00:41:36]>> I love being a power bank guy.

[00:41:38]>> Oh, that was >> Yeah, this is this has been my favorite one so far. I've gone through other ones. They're not nearly as powerful as this bad boy.

[00:41:43]>> You know what a social edge it is. never having to ask someone for their charger and then also being and then go did you say charger >> and then they go yeah do you have lightning or you I got both >> don't even worry about it >> just give it back to me so Ridge's 5 in1 power bank let you charge anything at any time mags safe wireless charging lightning and USBC cables has got you covered the Ridge power bank holds up to three full phone charges and powers your devices fast can't say enough about this bad boy actually have an extra one and uh yeah I might I might just give it away someday on here man. Oh. Available in olive green, base camp orange, and matte black. The Ridge Power Bank comes with free shipping and a 99-day risk-free trial. It's the last power bank you'll ever need. One thing to pack, five ways to power. You can find Ridg's power bank at Best Buy or DadMat fans. Get 10% off at ridge.com by using code fatbird at checkout. Just head to ridge.com. Use code fatbird and you're all set. After you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Support the show and tell them DadBat sent you.

[00:42:40]Ridge has a ton of great stuff, so check out all their other things there.

[00:42:42]Thanks, Ridge. I got a Ridge wallet.

[00:42:44]They sent me one last year and I'm never looking back.

[00:42:46]>> Nice.

[00:42:48]>> On top of that, uh, don't settle for your dad, bod Marsman helps you get in shape and feel great. Marsmen is designed to help unlock testosterone.

[00:42:54]Just take capsules daily in the morning with food. No synthetics, no needles.

[00:42:58]Marsmen has real ingredients like zinc, boron, and vitamin D to support healthy tea levels, natural energy, and improved stamina. Mars were they were kind enough, Mars Man's kind enough to send Tim and I some of their great product.

[00:43:09]And uh, just look at us, baby.

[00:43:11]You guys, you guys look great.

[00:43:15]>> Mars Man is made in the USA and third-p partyy lab tested with a 90-day risk-free trial. You have to check it out. For a limited time, Dad Meat fans get 50% off for life, plus free shipping and three free gifts at Mars. Men go to Mars.com. That's men go to Mars.com. For 50% off for life and three free gifts when you check out. Marsmen is also available on Amazon. After you purchase the last word you heard about him, support the show and tell them DadMat sent you. Thanks, Mars man.

[00:43:42]>> Thanks, Mars man.

[00:43:43]>> Plug my [ __ ] back in.

[00:43:44]>> Hell yeah.

[00:43:46]Plug my [ __ ] back in.

[00:43:51]>> Man, I'm so [ __ ] up about Spirit Airlines shut down. I'm so sorry, man. I didn't want to bring it up.

[00:43:55]>> Spirit Airlines shut down per or they're closing down permanently in the middle of I would never fly Spirit, but I have a lot of black friends.

[00:44:02]>> I've never once been on a Spirit flight.

[00:44:04]>> I went once, it was fine. The experience getting on the plane is different, but once you're on the plane, it's decent.

[00:44:10]>> I didn't mind.

[00:44:12]>> Is All right. Is it actually like super black? Was it always super black on the on the Spear Flight?

[00:44:17]>> Yeah, but we were also I believe flying out of black locations whenever I've done it.

[00:44:22]>> Oh, like Atlanta.

[00:44:23]>> Yeah, I flew out of like Southside Chicago like Midway.

[00:44:26]>> Yeah.

[00:44:27]>> That other airport.

[00:44:28]>> Yeah. When I flew it was Gary, Indiana International Airport.

[00:44:32]>> Whoa.

[00:44:32]>> No, it's I was going to say go there.

[00:44:34]>> No, it wasn't of Atlanta. And it was fine. It was nice. It was >> Well, remember when uh Carnival almost banned black people?

[00:44:41]>> Mhm.

[00:44:41]>> Did that actually almost happen?

[00:44:43]>> I think that might have been overblown and mis misconstrued.

[00:44:47]>> There is such a gap in the market for transportation that caters specifically to black people. Is it's really >> I really wish I could start a blackowned travel company. I would go se um space actually.

[00:45:02]>> Space >> black black space liner.

[00:45:04]>> Yeah. Air Jordan.

[00:45:06]>> Black space.

[00:45:08]>> Yeah. Wait till we get to space.

[00:45:14]>> That was really That was really racist, man. Really?

[00:45:16]>> We don't do that kind of stuff.

[00:45:18]>> I'm flying Air Jordan.

[00:45:20]>> Air Jordan.

[00:45:21]>> I thought that was good.

[00:45:23]>> Painted like a basketball court.

[00:45:25]>> As soon as he gets airborne, the pilot gets on the intercom and yells out, "Kobe."

[00:45:30]>> Michael did all the smooth take off of Kobe.

[00:45:33]>> Ah. Not after the plague.

[00:45:35]>> Now, here's the thing about Spirit Airlines. In 30 or so years or whatever it is, 26 that they've been flying, not one accident.

[00:45:44]>> It's a good point.

[00:45:44]>> Not one Spirit Airlines plane has crashed.

[00:45:47]>> Yeah. I don't I know they're going to, but they're giving they're they're moving those planes around. I'm guessing some of these other companies are going to start buying up them planes.

[00:45:52]>> I'm sure. Yeah.

[00:45:53]>> Oh, yeah.

[00:45:54]>> I I don't I don't know. I don't like the idea of plane exchange >> or they're going to end up on cinder blocks >> just in North Philly. Just spirit airlines in affiliate complex.

[00:46:08]>> Hey, you're not allowed to change your oil on that >> like old cop cars.

[00:46:20]>> They're all lowered.

[00:46:21]>> The crown big in the air.

[00:46:22]>> Your car used to be a Spirit Airlines 737?

[00:46:26]No.

[00:46:26]>> How can you tell? Still has light. Still 123 ft long. You can't open the back doors.

[00:46:33]>> Yeah, >> sir. You can't take that through the drive-thru.

[00:46:37]>> For real. I almost bought a white. That was like almost my first car was a white Xcock Crown Vic. I came up and honestly the thing that kept the part I that made me wanted is it still had the lights.

[00:46:48]So, I wanted that so bad. And it would just be so funny to pull up on the hub.

[00:46:52]He's like, "What are y'all up to?"

[00:46:54]>> But but it still had the uh the back seat was still like you you >> It was just like some old uh >> It was like a truck bed. Yeah.

[00:47:01]>> Yeah. Yeah. And and the >> cushions.

[00:47:03]>> Yeah. And like you I don't know if maybe he had the child lock when I was just back there. But it uh you still need to open it from the outside >> which was crazy.

[00:47:12]>> That would have been a I I kind of want that. That'd be a sweet ride.

[00:47:15]>> Matt, you would look perfect in a Crown Vic.

[00:47:17]>> Crown Vic.

[00:47:18]>> It would just look like undercover.

[00:47:20]>> I think about going my as we know first car ever Oldmobile that only went reverse. That was the first car and I kind of want to get back to that sort of nice sedan, >> low and slow.

[00:47:30]>> Did you ever successfully complete a trip?

[00:47:33]>> A a trip in the Olsson field? I don't No. No. I just drove it around my dad shop >> and then I all I did was I took the dead raccoon out of it and I sold it for $300 more than I bought it for.

[00:47:44]>> Yeah, it was pretty fun.

[00:47:45]>> Did Did the guy who bought it mention anything about it smelling like raccoon?

[00:47:49]>> No, I don't even There wasn't a lot said. It was more just like, "Hey, this car is $500." And I was 13 and had $500 and I was like, "Let's let's do it." Yeah.

[00:47:59]>> So, the car at 13?

[00:48:00]>> Yeah. Yeah. Well, so in Montana, you get your license at 14 and a half.

[00:48:05]>> What?

[00:48:05]>> Yeah.

[00:48:06]>> So, so you can get your permit at >> at 14. 14. Huh.

[00:48:09]>> 14. Then you drive around just to school and back for 6 months or with your parents. Oh [ __ ] >> Yeah. You get ready to go.

[00:48:15]>> That's fire.

[00:48:16]>> Yeah. And younger. If your family owns a farm, you can start driving at 12.

[00:48:20]>> Now, did you have pubes when you had your first car? Yeah, I had a couple.

[00:48:24]I was still counting them. I was in the pube counting phase.

[00:48:29]They weren't coarse [ __ ] They were just like my like the hairs on my head. They were still like the soft long pubes.

[00:48:37]>> Shiny pubes.

[00:48:39]>> Mhm.

[00:48:39]>> Damn. I just thought I think I'm going to put hair oil, beard oil on my pubes.

[00:48:45]>> To my lady with the right lighting.

[00:48:47]>> Yeah. If you could comb it the same way.

[00:48:49]Yeah. Yeah. A little glisteny, a little shiny.

[00:48:52]Get mine braided. Dick look pretty.

[00:48:57]It's like you got 15 dicks down there.

[00:49:03]>> There's a penis coming at you like predator.

[00:49:07]It's a real Davy Jones looking penis.

[00:49:09]>> I'm going to get them dreaded when beaded, too. I'm going to put beads on the end.

[00:49:13]>> Yeah.

[00:49:14]>> Have y'all ever gone hilarious with your pubes? I never have once.

[00:49:17]>> I never gone hilarious.

[00:49:18]>> Me neither. Like, how did I not do this my whole life?

[00:49:21]>> Gave myself a landing strip one time for a day.

[00:49:25]>> It was the one time I shaved my pubes. I was like, "Yeah, just just for me."

[00:49:28]>> A landing strip is so funny to surprise your baby.

[00:49:33]>> Do a heart maybe.

[00:49:34]>> Maybe an arrow pointing right at it.

[00:49:37]>> Oh, the triangle will be nice.

[00:49:38]>> Mhm.

[00:49:39]>> Triangle would be nice. Yeah. I've only twisted them up out of anxiety.

[00:49:43]>> Yeah.

[00:49:44]>> So, it's like the right side's always [ __ ] curled up.

[00:49:46]>> Mhm. Yeah, >> just just anchor for [ __ ] twisting your pubes.

[00:49:53]>> Oh boy. I've never done anal before.

[00:49:56]Yikes.

[00:49:59]>> That's actually pubes come out straight and then through anxiety we curl them with our fingers.

[00:50:05]>> It's like put on your pants. I want to see you. I want to test you.

[00:50:08]>> Yeah. It's weird that pubes will only get so long, too.

[00:50:11]>> Yeah. You want them longer.

[00:50:12]>> They max out. I'd like to have like a Gandalf kind of beard.

[00:50:14]>> They max out.

[00:50:15]>> Yeah. Yeah, I don't think you can just grow them for forever.

[00:50:17]>> I'd definitely max out.

[00:50:18]>> You might get a rogue pube, but by and large, like they they kind of know when to stop.

[00:50:21]>> I think it's just cuz they only have so much space to expand into and they just bunch. I think if you combed them straight, you'd realize they were getting longer and longer.

[00:50:29]>> Maybe this will be the pub summer. Just >> you can go like just like let them [ __ ] grow.

[00:50:34]>> New metal basist beard pubes that are just like all the way down to the floor.

[00:50:38]>> That'd be great.

[00:50:39]>> They look hot cob straight. Ah, that doesn't mean anything to you guys.

[00:50:42]>> No, you can explain.

[00:50:44]Just a comb that's hot.

[00:50:46]>> Oh, straightens.

[00:50:47]>> Oh, okay. All right.

[00:50:48]>> It's my bad.

[00:50:49]>> Why Why would the the fact that it's hot straightens out the >> straightens it out? Yep.

[00:50:53]>> I see. Okay. I could actually I could get into that >> like a like I would imagine it' be a perm and a hot comb for like classic uh Cat Williams.

[00:51:00]>> I'm trying to >> Oh, is that how he does that treatment?

[00:51:03]That would make him nice and soft.

[00:51:06]>> Did anybody else have that haircut before Cat Williams?

[00:51:09]>> Pimps.

[00:51:10]>> Snoop did for a while. Snoop Famous Snoop.

[00:51:13]>> Yeah.

[00:51:14]Yeah, that was uh >> Matilda.

[00:51:17]Yeah, >> Matilda was doing it.

[00:51:19]>> It's kind of just a bob.

[00:51:21]>> Yeah, such a quirky girl.

[00:51:26]>> There's Cat Williams with that haircut reading the bell jar.

[00:51:30]>> Yeah, that was kind of a nice hairstyle.

[00:51:32]>> That's nice.

[00:51:33]>> Yeah, I read about seven of these a day.

[00:51:37]>> I believe him.

[00:51:38]>> Yeah, that's how he got that. It was the library. He was in the library all the time. I had to get what you got going on.

[00:51:49]>> What's the most ambitious you've gotten with your hair, Nate?

[00:51:52]>> Uh, I mean, I have I I'm not a man of change. I've rocked this like the fro and I usually sponge it, like twist it up.

[00:52:02]>> And uh that's been me probably for a decade now.

[00:52:06]I don't I don't under my head is like uh I have like Ving Ray under my hair is like Ving Ray's head.

[00:52:12]>> You got the hot dogs >> like the sharpi like I get I get a real sharpi dog thing going and uh >> once I got out of high school and I was like oh I can [ __ ] grow to fro out.

[00:52:22]This is I don't know since I've been out of high school I've been froen been fro heavy.

[00:52:26]>> Uh and at this at this point like we're all kind of I don't know how old are you?

[00:52:29]>> I'm 26.

[00:52:30]>> 26. Okay. I I know it's it's a running theme that I look [ __ ] awful.

[00:52:36]>> I'm so sorry.

[00:52:37]>> It's okay. I'm >> so sorry. No, >> dude. Right now it's especially bad. I >> You almost landed it, too. You almost didn't stop.

[00:52:43]>> Yeah. Maybe one of these.

[00:52:44]>> You tried You tried so hard to not react and you went 26. Okay.

[00:52:48]>> It was It was worse.

[00:52:51]He did a double take. He go, >> "Oh god, >> 26." Huh.

[00:52:56]>> He looked again.

[00:52:59]>> Yikes. I I was stumbling.

[00:53:02]>> I was st I I was trying to say we're all kind of blessed hairwise. Like for for how for how old we are?

[00:53:08]>> Not even. No. No. I'm It's terrible.

[00:53:11]Yeah.

[00:53:11]>> Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay. Okay.

[00:53:14]Oh, [ __ ] Well, your hair your your hair clock starts when you get a car. That's what it is. And you got yours so early.

[00:53:22]You cursed yourself.

[00:53:23]>> Yeah. Bullets mobile and then it just immediately I started fell out.

[00:53:27]>> But I don't think you have a bad hair situation. Let me see one more time.

[00:53:31]>> What are you doing? Yeah, I'll show it to you, but it's not good.

[00:53:34]>> He's You just look like a baby who's not cared for.

[00:53:38]>> Yes. When I was a baby, I had more hair than this.

[00:53:42]>> There's a picture of me as a baby. Full head of hair. I came out.

[00:53:44]>> That That's a decent head of hair, though.

[00:53:46]>> Thank you. It's too much testosterone.

[00:53:48]That's a problem. Actually, I take my testosterone out. I donate it to Mars Men.

[00:53:53]I have a surplus. I'm like a blood donor where they're calling me up like, "Please get in here. The tea bank needs a donation.

[00:54:00]>> You should go on the bald subreddit and do the glow up.

[00:54:02]>> I'm thinking >> it all off and then have all the bullies tell you how hot you are now.

[00:54:07]>> I'm on record as as soon as I have the money, I'm going transplant.

[00:54:10]>> Yeah. As soon as I have the cash, I'll go do that.

[00:54:14]>> Any time frame on that?

[00:54:16]>> Oh, like literally as soon as the bank account hits probably 15K, I'll be able to pull it off.

[00:54:22]>> It cost >> No, no. It costs like 10 grand to do it and I'm like, >> but you'll have like a little I'll do it I'll do it in the US. I'm not going to go to Turkey.

[00:54:29]>> Really?

[00:54:30]>> Yeah. Yeah. I'll just Yeah.

[00:54:31]>> I thought Turkey was the best at it, not just the cheapest.

[00:54:34]>> Turkey is good and cheap, but I kind of I don't want to travel to a foreign country, open myself up to like get an infection or some [ __ ] and then have to fly on a plane with a massive swollen head.

[00:54:46]>> I'll do that. Yeah.

[00:54:48]>> But every other guy on the plane is is is is cut up and swollen, too.

[00:54:51]>> Yeah.

[00:54:52]>> Yeah. It is kind of like an extended like bald ward. Maybe it would be fun to do like a little uh like a little trip documentary. Me and the boys go out to Turkey document like an Anthony Bourdain parts unknown, but we're all bald and >> you should go patch Adams the bald hospital that they're all >> be do all my thin hairline material. Well, folks, I tell you it's hard to get [ __ ] with hair like this. No. Huh?

[00:55:16]>> They're all like just anesthetized with head bandages on.

[00:55:20]>> Uhhuh.

[00:55:21]>> It's hidden there. Now all I want to do is see like a group of people waiting to get on a flight to Turkey and just start checking out the dude's hairline.

[00:55:28]>> Oh dude, you can find that.

[00:55:30]>> Yes. I didn't even think about that.

[00:55:31]Just being like just 50 bald dudes waiting in line like I'm calling back a new man.

[00:55:36]>> That's the only reason to go to Turkey.

[00:55:38]>> Yeah. Yeah.

[00:55:38]>> Yeah. Oh, there's other I don't want to.

[00:55:40]Sorry, Turkish fans.

[00:55:41]>> Does Turkish hair surgery work on black guys?

[00:55:44]>> Yeah.

[00:55:44]>> It's just occurring to me. I've never seen it. I the reason why I don't believe it does is because like LeBron, you got rich black guys who >> would have who definitely were trying to hold on to their hairlines who didn't have it done. Like LeBron, he's he's been having his spray on [ __ ] >> That's so weird. Jaylen Brown, his was his fake hairline was rubbing off on people all season.

[00:56:03]>> Notre Dame head coach, >> is he not? I thought he still had a good head of hair.

[00:56:07]>> No, he does, but it's like you could tell he's very self-conscious about where it's at. So, he'll spray it down to like mid.

[00:56:13]>> I've never noticed. I've never noticed.

[00:56:15]Yeah, but black guys look good bald kind of notoriously.

[00:56:18]>> Depends. I don't think I don't I don't think I'd be a good bald.

[00:56:21]>> I've never seen a black guy look bad bald.

[00:56:23]>> Huh?

[00:56:24]>> I've never seen a black guy look bad bald.

[00:56:25]>> Uh, you know, I bet you >> you name one is what I guess what I'm asking.

[00:56:28]>> I bet you have. And then you But it's just so offputting. It doesn't store.

[00:56:32]It's like a weird >> I've never thought a black man was ugly before.

[00:56:35]>> Quest bald would be terrifying. A bald >> Quest Love would be crazy.

[00:56:39]>> Yeah, bald. No, >> Bald Jay-Z would look hilarious. Well, I think Quesler just needs the afro to like make the rest of his body seem smaller, if that makes sense. I think the afro is thinning on it. He has like an hourglass figure, but it's just hair and then the rest of them.

[00:56:52]>> I saw him during Southby. He's definitely on Ozmpic. It's >> It's just that weird like big but not big anymore cuz he's still tall, too.

[00:56:59]He's like 6'2, 63, and just is >> He's still tall. Like the Ozmpic might have affected it.

[00:57:07]>> I lost a lot of weight. It was mostly my shins.

[00:57:10]Well, your bones are deteriorating on it apparently according to a a JPEG that I scrolled past very quickly.

[00:57:16]>> Yeah, >> people are losing bones.

[00:57:18]>> That makes sense cuz everybody on it looks like a bootleg big bird >> for the most part. Yeah.

[00:57:22]>> Saggy. Just in a saggy suit.

[00:57:26]>> Yeah. Questive always was also he was like weirdly bottom heavy when he was like really had a fat ass.

[00:57:31]>> Yeah. Yeah. I think he was just drumming all the time. Everything just sort of coag.

[00:57:35]>> He was just built to drum.

[00:57:36]>> Teacher ass.

[00:57:36]>> Fourth grade teacher ass.

[00:57:38]>> Yeah. call you baby, give you a hug, push you in their hip.

[00:57:41]>> You get a little ass on your arm.

[00:57:43]>> A giant fat ass though. That's like cauliflower year for black drummers though.

[00:57:48]>> They are. They live in the pocket.

[00:57:54]>> I'm even thinking about like churches I've been to now. And 100% you get a fat ass.

[00:57:58]>> Oh yeah.

[00:58:00]>> That's all the sitting.

[00:58:02]>> Boys, before we go to Patreon, what do you want to promote?

[00:58:04]>> Oh, uh, Sunset Strip. Come to it. I'm there on a lot of the weekends. So, if you want to see me, I'll I'll probably be over there.

[00:58:12]>> Uh panties in the mouth podcast. That's all that's all I got going on in my life.

[00:58:17]>> Nois Oh, yes. Optois first and third uh Tuesdays of every month. Actually, I think we'll be there this Tuesday. Uh La Mer will be out of town, but me and Sean, it's a Cinco de Mayo. We're thinking about wearing sombrero for the whole thing, which I'm gonna have fun if we do it. But uh that's kind of the only big surprise we got is sombrero.

[00:58:39]>> Nice.

[00:58:39]>> Come to Optimum Knocks if you want to see me and Sean wearing sombrero and being racist.

[00:58:45]>> That's that's it.

[00:58:50]>> Incredible.

[00:58:50]>> Tim May 23rd, two shows at the creek in the Cave film by 30 minutes with Tim Butterly but presented by Gas Digital.

[00:58:57]I'm so happy. Two shows 7:00 to 9:00 p.m. Go to creekcave.com for tickets.

[00:59:02]Uh, come see me headline Joke World Festival in August. And also, I think we just booked our first lady fight for Skank Fights at Skankfest this year.

[00:59:15]>> I think uh I I don't I'm pretty sure it's official. Um, but yeah, I'll be running I'll be running Skank Fights with Lewis again. It's It's my favorite It's become my favorite part of the entire festival. And I think tickets just went on sale for the whole weekend.

[00:59:28]So, uh, come come to those, please. I'll see you guys there. Oh man. Oh man. I got another the the the bad battled history of Algonauts is so crazy and there's a kind of a big thing coming for it that I I have to I can't wait to tell you guys, but I'm waiting for some ink to dry and uh I'll let you know about it soon.

[00:59:49]>> Sweet baby.

[00:59:50]>> Peace.

[00:59:51]>> Oh, wait. Yeah.

[00:59:53]>> Uh I got some co shows coming up. Uh I'll be at Portsmith, New Hampshire May 7th. That show's probably going to sell out. So, if you hear this, uh, actually, no, this this will come out after that show, so don't worry about that one. Uh, I'll be in LA May 14th, Chicago June 20th. I'll be at Joke World Festival, too. I can't wait for that [ __ ] this summer. And then, Jainsville, Wisconsin, September 11th and 12th. And, uh, aside from that, thank you to everybody who's buying my books at onperks.com. And if you haven't checked it out yet, check out my new sports podcast with Jimmy Gillespie. It's called Fatkicker. It's a lot of fun. And uh >> if you're anywhere near Jainsville, Wisconsin, go to make the drive. The comedy cabin is so [ __ ] cool.

[01:00:30]>> I love I can't wait to get there, man.

[01:00:31]>> It's never been bad for me. I love it there. And uh it's I don't know. It's a little bit out of the way, but absolutely worth it the trip.

[01:00:41]>> Yeah, I'm pumped for it, baby. Aside from that, uh we're headed to Patreon for part two with Nate and Matt. Uh go to patreon.com/dadme podcast. Uh we have new episodes every week. On top of that too, uh, ad free episodes, part one and part two every week, all ad free. So if you don't want to hear any [ __ ] commercials, go to patreon.com/dadme podcast and we'll see you over there.

[01:01:01]Oh, Dylan, what do you want to promote?

[01:01:02]Got a thing? You're good. All right, we'll see you over at Patreon with more Nate and Matt.

[01:01:06]>> See you.